Time for some tragi-comic relief. The man whose serial fabulism in his breakthrough book should have sunk his career is back, with some advice for African American high school athletes inspired — tempted! — by Colin Kaepernick’s protest during the national anthem.
The whole thing is as grotesque as you’d expect, David Brooks’ paean to the soaring spiritual ambition of the pilgrim fathers, and a curious omission of the role involuntary servitude played in keeping that ambition comfortable. I was going to fisk the fishwrap, but I just couldn’t bring myself to take our David seriously enough to expend that much effort. And anyway, after you read this closing line…
We have a crisis of solidarity. That makes it hard to solve every other problem we have. When you stand and sing the national anthem, you are building a little solidarity, and you’re singing a radical song about a radical place.
…and then recall this passage in that “radical song”:
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
What else is there to do but point and laugh?…
Then weep.
Big R
5:2 says Brooks doesn’t know that there are verses beyond the first on the Star-Spangled Banner.
7:1 says he can’t sing any of them.
rustydude
In my mind, I always substitute pilgrim or founding fathers with slave banging founders. Good rhetorical take down here.
bago
Don’t those silly gladiators know their place?
Mike J
The KKK and the Aryan Brotherhood were today joined by the Fraternal Order of Police in endorsing Donald Trump. How on earth is Kaepernick the problem?
Roger Moore
And the solution is for the downtrodden to suck it up and do as their betters tell them, not whine and demand fair treatment.
Villago Delenda Est
David? Your space in the basket of deplorables is reserved and waiting for you!
Bobby Thomson
@Big R: even money he doesn’t know he’s quoting the odious bigot Felix Frankfurter.
Temporarily Max McGee (Soon Enough to Be Andy K Again)
Et tu, Deadspin? Et tu?
BGinCHI
I loved David Brooks’s 1775 book, “Sing God Save the King, You Ungrateful Rebels.”
I also enjoyed 1862’s “More Spirituals, Less Complaining.”
dedc79
Man, Norm Ornstein just tore Chris Cillizza to shreds.
Felonius Monk
David Brooks is the living symbol of what is wrong with the NYTimes. Well, him and MoDo; but have they ever been seen in the same room together?
CONGRATULATIONS!
Yes, we sure do.
No, you are not. You’re singing some idiotic lyrics, mostly about bombs, to the tune of an old English drinking song.
Peale
Maybe if we’d just change the song?
Amir Khalid
You guys are so mean to Bobo. Give the guy a break. Where would America be if it had no shining example of pompous ninnydom (ninnyhood? ninnyism?) to look to?
Betty Cracker
@Mike J:
QFT.
geg6
@CONGRATULATIONS!:
Exactly. Always disliked that stupid song and I am now onto hating it.
David Rickard
Question for the day: is being an emotionally stunted, clueless arsehole a prerequisite for–or a side effect from–working as a wingnut pundit?
Shell
Hmmm, have we heard from George Wills lately?
piratedan
what offends me the most about David Brooks is that somebody is paying him.
Mary G
I hear Samuel Seabury from Hamilton singing Farmer Refuted groveling to George III. The founding fathers would have met David Brooks with contempt and derision.
Patricia Kayden
@Mike J: Thank you. It’s amazing that the Fraternal Order of Police are endorsing a Bigot for President. Says it all.
jl
Clearly Brooks missed his calling in life: a totally out-of-it HS administrator who all the students prank jeer and humiliate every chance they get. That NYT column really deserves to be read at a HS assembly.
Actually, Brooks’ true calling was to be a rich man’s son, but he has made his pile, so we don’t need to mention it any more.
And I am sure any HS kid can tell Brooks that he is being an unfair and hypocritical ass by conflating ‘sitting out’ with kneeling during the Anthem. I read that some team mates persuaded Kaepernick that kneeling was a more respectful form of protest than sitting on the bench. And now kneeling is the in thing, not sitting.
So, fart some more and light it, Dave. It is fun to watch and laugh.
slag
@Roger Moore: Bizarro SpiderMan Rules: With the least power comes the most responsibility.
BGinCHI
Brooks: “Why can’t we all just get along?”
Kaeperninck: “Because people are killing us and beating the shit out of us and eroding voting rights and putting record numbers of people of color in prison. And that’s just the present.”
Brooks: “How can we solve this problem if you aren’t willing to do what you’re told?”
Peale
Actually, Dave, the problem is that not a lot of people are feeling solidarity with you. With each other, they’re feeling pretty good. But you? Well, we’re at a loss since you continually draw lines that make us think you’re not particularly going to have our backs when time comes.
(I bet Dave is the kind of guy who is mysteriously busy during the in-service in the office when the boss has invited in the inspirational coach who leads team building exercises.)
Patricia Kayden
@CONGRATULATIONS!:
And a song written by a slaver who was an outspoken anti-Black racist. That song shouldn’t have been made into a national anthem based on that fact alone.
gratuitous
I wonder if Mr. Brooks thinks our national solidarity is harmed when the party that controls the Senate refuses to have a vote or even hold hearings for a Supreme Court nominee? I mean, sure, a vacant seat on the high court is nothing compared to whether some sportsball person is standing or kneeling or sitting or picking his nose while the meaningless display of empty patriotism is going on, but it is regarded as pretty important in some circles.
jl
Also too in addition, Washington, Jefferson and Madison, and (at least the younger) Hamilton, and come to think of it John Adams, would have a word with HS counselor Brooks about his Xtianist-civic American religion bullcrap.
Adams thought religion was necessary so people wouldn’t crap in their hands and throw it each other (thanks some commenter for that), but that is about all. Being a good old fashioned pessimistic conservative, he thought it would all go to rot soon enough, but would delay the end of US democracy somewhat, so best that could be done. Probably Adams would be most kind to Brooks and try to explain to him why his attempt at a useful lie was a hilarious failure.
But, then, the Framers were not Puritans, were they, Mr. Brooks? Did you know that? Of those who worshiped, they did not worship the same God by any means.
MomSense
I’m embarrassed for David Brooks.
Patricia Kayden
@piratedan: I would watch the hell out of a show which showed Brooks being challenged by his readers. I’m pretty sure he’d completely melt down since most of what he writes is complete and utter pablum. Ditto Maureen Dowd and Peggy “My Tummy Forecasts Elections” Noonan.
redshirt
Let’s rank the worst mainstream columnists.
Is Modo number one or Brooks?
Peale
Republicans to urban African Americans: You people have so many problems that can only be solved by the heavy boot of unfettered law enforcement, jail time, and de-funding your schools. Until someone gets tough on you you’ll never make anything out of your life.
Republicans to rural whites: Yeah, I know. White doctors conspired with white drug company executives to flood your region with opioids and now you have a heroin crisis. Its those damn Mexicans the inner city blacks ruining your lives. This is a problem that can only be solved by the heavy boot of unfettered law enforcement in their communities. Otherwise, you’d be hard working. I’m sure of it. Just like your puritan fathers.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: I am also embarrassed for the Fraternal Order of Police. For some reason, I am really shocked that they would do that. Not shocked, perhaps, that they are racist enough. Mostly shocked that they are too stupid to realize the optics are not good.
WaterGirl
@Patricia Kayden: Isn’t Brooks the one who (proudly) says he NEVER reads the comments on his columns?
? Martin
Unintended Brooks:
Steppan
@? Martin:
Is it, though?
Jeffro
Yes…there was so much angst, so much self-recrimination and such a desire for change and progress…that’s the “mainstream voice that defined American civilization”.
“What, no, Ms. Parks just stay seated where you are, that law is unconscionable”…
“Hey…we can’t give your tribe blankets anymore because we think they might be giving you guys smallpox…here’s some food instead, over by the lodges we built for you”…
“I know it’s a Constitutional Convention, Thomas, and I’m not leaving until we’ve written women’s right to vote into the founding document of this country!”
LOL
I don’t know whether to send Brooks a 4th grade history book, or call his family and organize an intervention.
Aleta
What is there to do? TPM posted Trump’s 2011 birther interview. Side by side should be Trump’s ad, statements, or any video statements about the Central Park Five young men who were framed by police.
jl
After I quit laughing, I am a little pissed. I heard a heartfelt interview with Kaepernick where he said he loves the US, and that hi protest is optimistic because he is confident that the US has the inner resources to change. Brooks didn’t mention that, and implies Kaepernick doesn’t love his country.
And Kaepernick has put some serious money behind his sacrifice (besides the risk to his career). Brooks can’t find space to mention that either.
And then Brooks write this crap: “A globalist mentality teaches students they are citizens of the world rather than citizens of America. ”
Who else had an ‘objectively’ globalist mentality, and one that undermined the importance of our European Christian-civic creed that put our country and our tribe first in all things? I do wonder?
‘ When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind REQUIRES that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. ‘
Edit: I put ‘requires’ in caps.
piratedan
@Patricia Kayden: i would too, hell we could make it with rotating guest stars.. MoDo, Wolf Blitzer, Tweety, Don Simon
Matt McIrvin
@WaterGirl: Maybe the optics are just fine, for the people they care about.
Aleta
@Aleta: Guardian on Trump feeding racism about during the Central Park Five trial.
Even the Guardian last winter is callling Trump ‘boisterous’ (I think the word was), while even today a critical NYT article calls him mischievous. I’d like the print press to stop throwing in these cute adjectives to soften him.
“Salaam, now 41, cannot remember exactly where he was when he first saw the ads. He had no idea who Trump was. “I knew that this famous person calling for us to die was very serious,” he recalled.
“We were all afraid. Our families were afraid. Our loved ones were afraid. For us to walk around as if we had a target on our backs, that’s how things were.”
All five minors had already been paraded in front of the cameras and had their names and addresses published, but Salaam said he and his family received more death threats after the papers ran Trump’s full-page screed. On a daytime TV show two days later, a female audience member called for the boys to be castrated and echoed the calls for the death penalty if Meili died. Pat Buchanan, the former Republican White House aide, called for the oldest of the group, Wise, to be “tried, convicted and hanged in Central Park by June 1”.”
-Guardian in Jan or Feb 2016
redshirt
@jl: I consider myself a human first, an American somewhere well down the line. I wish more people did the same.
les
Can Brooks actually believe the shit he spews? It’s just fucking pathetic.
Bill
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
This phrase is describing British soldiers, not actual slaves.
Omnes Omnibus
@David Rickard: Yes.
bystander
Something tells me Driftglass will be all over this one. Wish I had the stomach for the fishing, but it entails reading actual raw, unfiltered Brooks.
NotoriousJRT
@Jeffro:
American mythology debunked. THAT is a reality show that I would watch.
Mnemosyne
@Mary G:
“My dog speaks more eloquently than thee!”
jp
@CONGRATULATIONS!: Slow golf clap.
Mnemosyne
@Bill:
I would kinda like to see a cite for that, if you have one. There was a LOT of tension between the Americans and the British over slaves who defected to the British side in both the Revolution and the War of 1812.
In fact, one of the (many!) reasons Hamilton was so hated was that he convinced Washington to refuse any demands by American slaveholders to be compensated by the British for those escaped slaves.
SFAW
@redshirt:
Yes
JDM
Hey, he SAID it was radical.
SFAW
This may be a stupid question, but: how is “The Star-Spangled Banner” a “radical song.” It’s a song about an established, nation, with 20-plus years of Constitutional rule under its belt, being attacked by a(n) European power, and commemorating that the fort being discussed did not lower its flag in surrender.
Or have I been singing the worng song (well, the first verse/stanza, I guess) all these years? Damn!
Omnes Omnibus
@SFAW: I got yer radical song right here, bub.
Calouste
@Jeffro:
They only had one big thought, how can we make money? In the overall history of the European colonization of the Americas, the Mayflower is a footnote elevated way beyond its importance by American mythmaking compared to the gold hunters, fur trappers, and tobacco planters.
Elizabelle
The Uses of Patriotism?
As in, last refuge for a scoundrel?
Which is kind of interesting, following a morning when DJ Trump surrounded himself with military types, in the ballroom of his newest hotel.
laura
I hate that song and if I were in charge, I’d change it to This Land is Your Land or America the Beautiful (Ray Charles eversion).
Guess I’ll have to hope that Baud does it for me.
SiubhanDuinne
@redshirt:
At that level, it really doesn’t matter. It’s an honor just to be nominated.
SFAW
@Omnes Omnibus:
OK, but I like this version better.
Damn hippies.
jl
@Calouste: Thanks, Another botch by Brooks. Jamestown inspired more people than Plymouth Colony, though I think the Puritans also incorporated their own company to make a little scratch.
danielx
David Brooks giving advice to black people on how they should behave, or for that matter on any topic whatsoever? Now, that’s funny.
Omnes Omnibus
@Calouste: The Great Migration of 1620-40 brought about 20,000 people to New England. Your main point may well be correct, but religious migration involved more than just the Mayflower. And then there were the Catholics in Maryland and the Quakers in Pennsylvania.
WaterGirl
@Matt McIrvin: You’re probably right. It’s pretty clear who the cops think “matter”. Disgusting.
danielx
@redshirt:
There are so many contenders…it’s hard to choose just one.
SFAW
@danielx:
Why? Didn’t he write “Between the World and Me” ?
Oh, no, I forgot, Corrupt Deadbeat Donnie is taking credit for that one, too. Along with “Yuuuge-lysses,” “Yuuuge Expectations,” “A la recherche de Trump perdu,” “Donald Quixote,” and “Moby Dickhead.”
Mnemosyne
@Omnes Omnibus:
This recent Facebook post by Gin and Tacos (a college professor at his day job) is somewhat germane:
SFAW
@Mnemosyne:
Bless you, child, for that one.
Peale
@Matt McIrvin: yep. They might be expressing solidarity with each other. That’s usually the issue because too much solidarity with each other and not enough deference makes certain people unable to sleep comfortably.
RaflW
David Brooks’ genteel forms of racism and classism got a pass until pretty recently. I appreciate that more and more of us are waking up to the utter drivel and elite water-carrying he does. Now if we can just get The Times (and perhaps NPR) to put him out on his large and impressive fescue pasture.
jl
Would some kind commenter tell me how to get ‘Brooks’ Botch’ into the English language? I think it is just as worthy as ‘Gish Gallop’, maybe more.
Mnemosyne
@SFAW:
That answer shows one of the reasons why Hamilton became such a phenomenon: it explains American history in contemporary language and makes it accessible to more people.
jl
@Mnemosyne: You’re going to be unbearable after the smash hit sequel, Tench Coxe! comes out, aren’t you?
redshirt
@SiubhanDuinne: I’m going to try.
Worst MSM commentators, most worst to least worst:
1. Modo
2. Brooks
3. Douchehat
4. Friedman
5. Broder
6. Cohen
7. Hiatt
They just keep getting worse from here….
SiubhanDuinne
@redshirt:
Broder’s been dead for five years. And you’re forgetting Nooners….
redshirt
@SiubhanDuinne: I gave up shortly after I started. Too many choices and I’m not sure how to tell who’s worst. They’re all terrible.
StringOnAStick
@Mnemosyne: if you love Hamilton, be sure to see “Vietgone” when it hits Broadway in October. I had the good fortune to see it last month at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, and it was amazing.
J R in WV
@redshirt:
I’m actually thinking that former analyst who writes tripe for the WaPost, Charles Krauthammer. Evil, mean spirited, unfeeling, pig ignorant about everything but his obsessions.
Then Brooks/Dowd at a dead heat for second place… from the bottom of course.
Uncle Cosmo
@CONGRATULATIONS!: The “idiotic lyrics about bombs” pertain to an attempted invasion of the city of Baltimore by the British which was in part repulsed because the garrison of Fort McHenry would not be blasted into submission by the shells and Congreve rockets of the invading fleet. (FTR those rockets did a pretty damn drastic number on Copenhagen about a decade earlier.)
@geg6: Fuck both of you with a rusty chainsaw. No verse but the first is ever sung, and (as pointed out by SFAW at #54 supra) there is nothing in the first verse except celebration of the fort’s refusal to surrender. (FTR the British troops that came ashore southeast of the city to take it from the land side were beaten back after a Maryland militiaman–legend has it either Wells or McComas–killed the commanding general. I grew up about 1.5 miles from the spot.)
Also FTR, the music (from a drinking song) was attached long after Francis Scott Key composed the lyrics.
Bill
@Mnemosyne: I could be wrong, but I always interpreted that line as a reference to those fighting for the British as conscripts, mercenaries, impressed sailors, etc., that is, the functional equivalent of hirelings and slaves when compared to the freemen of stanza four. Don’t know if there is any evidence of exactly what Francis Scott Key intended, but obviously, however one interprets the line, he was no friend to the slaves and David Brooks is still a buffoon.
Chris
Yes, we do. Roughly half the country basically doesn’t consider the other half to be fellow citizens. And it works its ass off to defund all of their public services, deprive them of their voting rights, shoot them down in the streets, and treat any president they elect as a foreign potentate. All while still expecting that other half of the country to subsidize their lifestyle, of course.
But of course, that’s not what you’re talking about. Because you’re a putz.
Saskexpat
@redshirt: You left out Friedman, Douthat, and Richard Cohen. I rank them
1. MoDo
2. Cohen
3. Douthat
4. Brooks
5. Friedman
Your level of hatred and bile may vary.