My husband and I get along famously because we’re both Pisces. Well, that’s not why — astrology is a steaming load of hooey, of course. But we are both gentle, artistic, empathetic souls who would rather make sure other people are having a good time than assert our will over each other or a group.
Our biggest conflict is usually that neither of us wants to make some dumb minor decision like where to have breakfast. Where do you want to go? No, where do YOU want to go? This can go on past lunch.
But that all fell apart the other day because of a toilet. And maybe because now it’s just the two of us living here, so we can no longer blame household mishaps on our daughter, who has flown the nest for college.
The main toilet, i.e., the one that’s NOT in the master bedroom, overflowed. (HE was the last one who used it, please note!) When it became clear the plunger wouldn’t fix the problem, my husband started taking more drastic measures, like snaking the drain.
As he did so, he was doing the usual grumbling about some people using too much toilet paper or not holding the handle down long enough. This is a recurring theme from him that my daughter and I used to roll our eyes at, but this time, it pissed me off because it was obviously directed at me and not womankind in general, which is annoying enough in its own right.
Well! I told him he could just knock it right the fuck off with that bullshit. I reminded him I’m a grown-ass woman who has been potty-trained for decades and that I know how to flush a goddamned toilet, having done so approximately 100,000 times.
And furthermore, I noted that it’s ridiculous to complain about women using more toilet paper — duh, we sit down to pee! And I assured him my toilet paper usage was well within normal range, thankyewveramuch, so get the fuck over it already and just fix the fucking toilet or let me call a goddamned plumber.
So that shut him up, and he fixed that toilet. Then a few days ago, the other toilet overflowed. He’s been working on it intermittently since, and it came to pass that the entire thing had to be replaced, an operation that is currently underway.
When he removed the bowl, there were these fucking little fibrous roots growing up through the pipe, which is just a horrifying thing, IMO. He poured some chemical down there that may kill every tree on the place, I don’t know. I hope not. But all I could think about was naked mole rats or some eyeless rodent from hell using the roots as a highway system to come bite my ass. Wine! Immediately! The end.
Feebog
Marriage, how the fuck does it work?
MomSense
Well I was sitting on the potty last night when I spied a big ass spider out of the corner of my eye. The only thing scarier than seeing a big ass spider while you are helplessly sitting on the potty, is looking back and seeing that the spider is gone!
Mary G
I know it’s awful, but thanks for the laugh.
Major Major Major Major
@MomSense: UGH THAT IS THE WORST
p.a.
Got Joe the Plumber to do the work?
SiubhanDuinne
I remember visiting a friend once, and used her guest toilet. It was a very dark, dank kind of room, smelled a little mildewy or something.
When I flipped on the light I discovered that there were actually little mushrooms growing between the tiles!
Chris T.
My old house, several houses back, had clay pipes from house to street sewer line. Such things eventually collapse. (Well, I suppose all pipes eventually break, but clay ones from the late 1940s are usually in sad shape in the 1990s, which this was.) As a result I had to have a roto-rooter-type place come out every other year and clean out all the stuff that had grown into the space.
Eventually one gives in and has the pipe replaced. In this case, that was when I sold it and moved…
MomSense
@Major Major Major Major:
Right!!
SiubhanDuinne
@MomSense:
Oh no! Here is a sympathetic song for you.
p.a.
Saw Dr Strangelove today on big screen. Blowcase Cinema now has bar & drink service in the special theater! Didn’t use it, didn’t check prices, but if the booze matches the food/drinks I assume a 12oz Bud will be $20. The Shining next month.
jharp
I quit using toilet paper years more than 10 years ago. (I stand to urinate)
Feel like it was one of the best digestive health decisions I’ve made.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: I found a big ass spider on my desk at home on Monday. I captured it with a rocks glass and a cocktail napkin. It was successfully released into the wild.
lamh36
“Generally speaking, people who know me will tell you that my public persona is not that different from my private persona. I am who I am. You sort of get what you see with me. The two exceptions are that I curse more than I should, and I find myself cursing more in this office than I had in my previous life. And fortunately both my chief of staff and my national-security adviser have even bigger potty mouths than me, so it’s O.K. And the second thing is that I can be much more sarcastic and I think sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.”
— President Obama, in a Vanity Fair interview with historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.
@VanityFair
.@POTUS and @DorisKGoodwin: The ultimate @WhiteHouse exit interview
geg6
LOL, been there, Betty. We have some sort of weird turn and incline in our sewer line that necessitates us having it snaked out at least once a year. We could replace it but that would cost us well over 10K, so the $89 a pop to have a plumber clear it out seems more prudent. Anyway, my John and I got together well after I entered menopause but the first few years I lived here and the sewer would start to back up, he’d grumble and swear and accuse me of putting tampons down the toilet. I’d always deny it but quietly, because he would get so worked up over the whole thing. A couple of years ago, the line clogged, he started the grumbling and swearing and yelled about tampons again and I.just.lost.it. Asked if he had the slightest understanding of human biology and did I have to explain my personal fucking plumbing and how amazing that someone with that much ignorance of female reproduction and how it works actually managed to produce a child. He backed right the fuck down and said that he would just fall into the same rant he always did when this happened and his ex-wife and daughter lived here. Apologized profusely and it hasn’t happened again. Men and plumbing. Without training, they are all idiots about it.
Manyakitty
I had a squirrel take an unfortunate turn once, and he got snaked out of my toilet by a plumber who said in 30 years, he’d never seen such a thing. The whole story is much longer, but you get the idea.
Mike J
There will be plenty of time for that after he fixes the toilet.
Roger Moore
@Chris T.:
Which is one of the dumb things homeowners do. If you’re eventually going to give in and fix something, you might as well do it early on so you can enjoy the benefits.
MomSense
@lamh36:
I cannot wait to read his memoir. Please FSM let him write a tell all
SiubhanDuinne
@p.a.:
I saw it Sunday, in the delightful company of Mingobat (Karen in GA). Will not be seeing The Shining (I still haven’t made up for the sleep I lost the first time around from both book and film, and that was 40-some years ago, I think).
But Dr. Strangelove is deservedly a classic. What a great film. Laughed and was terrified, simultaneously.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
That filter needs to be turned off now, Mr President.
I hope it’s off for his memoirs, which will be the second presidential memoir I’ve bought, him and Grant.
marianne19
I sat on the toilet once in the middle of the night when somehow a little red squirrel had gotten into it. When my tush brushed against it, I screamed loud enough to wake my husband and I think I rocketed a couple feet straight up. I can’t imagine how much more awful it would have been to see a mole like creature down there. Anyway my husband saved the squirrel but I had so much adrenaline in me, I didn’t get back to sleep for hours.
MomSense
@SiubhanDuinne:
I’m with you. The Shining is terrifying especially if you live in a state with lots of inns that close in the winter.
BGinCHI
This is the best allegory I’ve read of the Angelina-Brad break-up.
BGinCHI
This thread is in the toilet.
Pun contest!
Patricia Kayden
@SiubhanDuinne: That sounds like a horror movie. Not sure I could have stifled a scream under those circumstances.
SiubhanDuinne
@MomSense:
Yes, and one with All The Fucks.
Dolly Llama
Betty, if I had to pick one person on this blog to have a beer with, it’d be you.
JPL
My ex would count out the appropriate sheets of toilet paper to use, so count your blessings.
raven
Our rental had similar issues. Once you have roots you are always are going to have roots until you put new waste line in. Once a year I would rent a big Power Drain Cleaner and run it as far as it would go. It’s nasty and you have to wear really good leather work gloves but it bears the shit out of calling a plumber. When they did the new sewer work every house on our side of the block got new 4″ PVC drain pipe running into the new 12″ sewer line. We should be good.
Also, our female tenet swore she didn’t put sanitary napkins in the toilet but, when I reamed it, they were there.
JPL
OT In Trump news to a local reporter in Toledo..
BG: “And with the Washington Post report out this week about the Trump Foundation. Could you explain to people why you may have used some charitable donations for personal uses?
Trump: “The foundation is really rare. It gives money to that. It’s really been doing a good job. I think we put that to sleep just by putting out the last report.”
SiubhanDuinne
@efgoldman:
It’s actually pretty impressive that your awareness of “every mic is a hot mic” was able to override a lifetime’s worth of instinctual aversion to spiders.
burnspbesq
Rooto is nasty shit (mostly copper sulfate IIRC) but it works. Probably not a bad idea to proactively treat all your toilets quarterly.
Patricia Kayden
@Manyakitty: Oh dear. That’s just wow.
JPL
OT In Trump news, same reporter in Toledo
link
SiubhanDuinne
@jharp:
Most people just stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.
Shantanu Saha
Many older houses have sewer lines made of short lengths of clay pipe. These lines are notoriously leaky, especially if the soil they are in is soft or shifting in some way. Tree roots crave the moisture, and drill their way right in. Usually you have to have the pipe mechanically rooted every couple of years to keep it at bay, or replace the pipe to the street with pvc which generally knocks that shit off. But if the roots have reached up into your bathroom it’s a wonder all your drains aren’t slow. I don’t think you have to worry about critters, though.
Eric S.
@Omnes Omnibus: I leave the spiders alone. They found their own way in. I figure if there’s no food they will find their own way out. If there is food then I want then in there cleaning house.
Elizabelle
— Inside Edition, promo for upcoming segment
Tell us about it.
Patricia Kayden
@marianne19: All these squirrel-in-toilets stories are giving me nightmares.
SiubhanDuinne
@marianne19:
Poor li’l squirrel. Will no one think of the squirrels?
geg6
@marianne19:
When I lived alone between my time with my ex and moving in with my John, I came home half drunk after a night out with friends and made a beeline for the bathroom (too many beers!). Sat down without looking but heard a swishing noise in the bowl. I jumped up and saw a bat flying around in there. I was hysterical. Sobered up really fast, though. I also found a bat in my freezer in that apartment. Yes, it was on an upper floor, why do you ask?
NR
Good and bad news in polling today.
The good news: NBC has Hillary up by 6 nationally. Monmouth has her up 9 in New Hampshire.
The bad news: FOX (A rated by 538 before anyone complains) has her down by 5 in North Carolina and Ohio and by 3 in Nevada.
The FOX poll is higher rated and more recent than the NBC poll, which means Hillary’s electoral firewall is looking very shaky indeed.
Patricia Kayden
@Elizabelle: Lol!! Perfect election caption.
Chris T.
@Roger Moore: Yes, well, this was condition-of-sale. The bigger condition was all the foundation work (which I knew was needed, the house had been very slowly slipping down the hill for the same 50+ years by then). Not sure if it really all happened, since it was all up to the new owner, I just gave them $18k for it—which still left quite a hefty profit, given how house prices moved between mid-1990s and early-2000s.
(Now that I have moved back to California, it seems that upgrading house-to-sewer lines is required by the county, rather than just being up to the buyer. It wasn’t when I bought that place originally. This house was built in the 1990s, after the firestorm, so is in far better shape. Also, unlike many of the replacements here, it was not built by the lowest-bidder-fast-n-shoddy: we did a fairly serious remodel and all the structural stuff is good. We only had to put in one new beam for an opened-up kitchen. The couple who had it designed and built had weird mix of 1950s, 1970s, and 1990s design ideas, which mostly worked, except for the kitchen area.)
Omnes Omnibus
@Eric S.: That is generally my policy, but this one was big and using the desk I wanted to use.
Peale
@JPL: makes me want to stay at one of his hotels. “Hello, front desk? It appears that the room hasn’t been cleaned, and I just looked out the window and the bellman was loading my bags into a car and driving away.” “Yeah. How about that concerirge! One of a kind service, it huge. Marriott doesn’t do that! Only us”
Wapiti
My wife and I have a little game for these situations. When person A asks “where do you want to go”, then person B can offer three options. Person A can either pick one, or discard one and let Person B pick between the remaining two options. Sometimes I do include a completely nasty greasy spoon as a throwaway option.
SiubhanDuinne
@MomSense:
I seriously have never even been tempted by a Stephen King title since then. A colleague talked me into reading The Stand, which I found turgid and over-written. Otherwise, have not read another novel or s.s. collection, nor watched a film based on King’s writings.
MomSense
@SiubhanDuinne:
Did you read or watch 11.22.63? It’s a time travel JFK mystery.
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
I had a relative who kept a little notebook by the toilet and would enter in the exact number of toilet paper squares she used per visit/per day. There’s OCD, and then there’s O! C! D!
MomSense
@efgoldman:
I used to crunch the roll in half to make creases so the kids couldn’t unwind the whole thing with one grab.
Chris T.
@SiubhanDuinne: At that level, you start calling it “CDO”, because that’s OCD in alphabetical order.
p.a.
I was helping a coworker on an inside wire phone trouble in an old RI farmhouse (so old the cellar support beams were wood, and you could see where the branches had been lopped off) when I found about a 4 ft snakeskin on the foundation sill. “Jack u think we should tell her?” (Only the wife was home)
“Pal if you showed that to my wife the For Sale sign would be out front before the day was over. Put it back or hide it somewhere.”
Eric S.
@Omnes Omnibus: Fair point. I’m sure I would have dome the same.
JMG
Roots in the main sewer line only cost me $3500, Never have your plumbing fail on Dec. 22.
evodevo
Ah, yes!! Toilet wars! My husband, too, blames female use of toilet paper whenever MY john clogs up, and when they BOTH failed a couple years ago, it turned out to be a sewer line blockage. IT’S NOT FAIR…..
Roger Moore
@Elizabelle:
I don’t think they’re talking about the Trump family.
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
I ran that through Babelfish and Google Translate, but I still have no idea what it means!
raven
@p.a.: We have seen the skins of a blacksnake around for years but, when I saw the big dude under the house and took this picture, that was it for her. I’ve had to move the water shut off outside and she just won’t go under the huse anymore. She knows its a good snake but it doesn’t matter.
NotMax
Is there a willow tree within a square block of your abode? They are notorious for sending out rootlets that infiltrate plumbing in the quest for moisture.
The Great Escape, naked mole rat style.
Rand Careaga
A few years after I purchased my handsome old bungalow (b. 1908), the spousette and I were doing some outside maintenance when we heard running water from under the cement walkway that ran beside the house on its long axis. Her nephew, then staying with us while he attended college nearby, was taking one of his interminable showers. The drainpipe bearing all domestic water rendered unpotable by one means or another left the house a few feet from the kitchen door, took a 90° turn, and disappeared under the walkway, and it seemed inappropriate for splashing to figure into its operation, so I reluctantly began to excavate, and presently discovered a cavern: beneath the concrete the pipe terminated in empty air. I, and the previous owners probably going back for years, had been operating an unlicensed leach field.
Considering the volume of feces that must have emptied into the pit, the environment was not nearly as insalubrious as you might guess: the contents, a black sludge the consistency of refried beans, were almost odorless (what smell there was seemed more like black soil than anything else), and appeared to carry several dozen hair-thin pink worms per cubic inch: there was some kinda vigorous natural remediative metabolizing going down.
Against the advice of my boss, who sagely advised “Call the man,” I attempted to excavate further to ascertain the location and state of the sewer lateral, a day’s futile effort that did serve to persuade me that when my parents exhorted me back in the day to study hard lest I end up a ditchdigger, they were serving up sound folk wisdom after all. I did call the man, whose own considerably more efficient exhumation revealed that this ancient clay conduit was shattered along almost its entire length.
The operation to replace the thing required a week, during which time the main floor of the house was without water. Fortunately there is a downstairs unit, used as a home office by my wife, that connected to the lateral below the ruined section. This did mean that toward the end of the ordeal, the process of indulging my middle-aged prostate in the middle of the night involved going out the front door, crossing the front of the house, clambering over a meter-high earthen mound, edging along the lip of walkway still remaining beside the office, and unlocking the door without toppling into the trench.
The experience reinforced my existing belief that I’m not cut out for life in a refugee camp, which is another reason I’m keen for Trump to lose the election.
JMG
@NR: Greg Sargent of the Post had a fine insight. When a race is close, BOTH sides will have good polls. This was sure true in 2004.
MomSense
@raven:
Oh my. That’s a big snake.
JPL
@SiubhanDuinne: Let me help you, the Trump Foundation was set up to help him. It’s rare but working.
When Fahrenthold first starting investigating and reporting, his wife went to Brooks Brothers to buy him a suit. Several TV stations were calling for interviews. I have a feeling, she might have to purchase another suit.
raven
@MomSense: He was ok until I stuck my lens in his face!
Shana
@JPL: I suspect that’s one of the reasons he’s the ex….
germy
There are certain brands of toilet paper that will clog any toilet. The fancy, heavy duty brands, double and triple ply.
I only buy the thin stuff. We don’t have a septic tank in our current house (thank god) but I look for “Safe for Septic Systems” on the label.
I remember the Studs Terkel book “The Good War” about WWII, and one officer was restricting his men’s use of toilet paper to three sheets. “One up, one down, and one polish!” he yelled at them.
Roger Moore
@SiubhanDuinne:
I think it’s obvious what it’s supposed to mean. The “It’s really been doing a good job. I think we put that to sleep just by putting out the last report.” is the important part; he’s dismissing the issue as a made up thing that he’s already dealt with. The first part is him stalling so he can make up the second part.
p.a.
@raven: Impressive. Nothing that big has made itself obvious in my urban hellhole, but around here the garters seem to have replaced the grass and brown snakes. I haven’t seen a star nosed mole in years, but the field mice are still around. If you see 1, you’ve got 12.
Elizabelle
Wow. The new African American Museum on the Mall has Bootsy Collins’ yellow leather suit. PBS says it got a place of honor. Would love to see that Museum.
And this seems a perfect thread to raise this:
Did any of you follow the CBS special on Jonbenet Ramsey? I just saw part of the first night, but was kind of fascinated to hear they suggest the 9 year old brother was the killer, probably unintentional, with a flashlight.
And that kind of makes sense to me. Because Patsy Ramsey was not in the least convincing in the police call, and that 3 page ransom note. Can believe it was a cover up.
Don’t know what they would do, legally, to a 27 year old who committed a murder/manslaughter as a young boy, especially if there was no intent to kill or maim. Maybe he’s out of legal jeopardy.
Makes you wonder if the DA thought it was the child, but didn’t want to make the case, and the scene was so contaminated, they weren’t likely to arrest anyone else by accident. Plus, rich and litigious parents.
Anyway, my contrib to the toilet discussion. Not Bootsy. Bootsy’s prime.
SiubhanDuinne
@MomSense:
Nope. Read and heard about it, of course, but did not read it.
jeffreyw
@MomSense: I’ve been listening to the Audible version (30+ hours!). It is turgid, indeed, but passes the time while I”m mowing. We started watching the mini-series via Netflix discs and are up to the last two episodes. The video is better than the book!
SiubhanDuinne
@Chris T.:
The way it’s supposed to be, dammit!
rikyrah
@MomSense:
You do not lie???
raven
@p.a.: We’re in town but it may as well be the woods. The coyotes showed up a couple of years ago and have thinned the ferrel cat and groundhog population. We get deer running in the kudzu behind the house and the red tail hawks and owls are in abundance.
Shana
@MomSense: Well that’s just self-preservation.
Several years ago when my daughters had outgrown them, we gave their American Girl dolls, clothes and assorted furniture, etc. to two younger cousins. After about a year I was talking to the mom of one of the girls and she asked “Am I a bad mom for never telling her there’s and AG store in downtown Chicago? (They live in the suburbs)” I answered “Absolutely not, that’s just self-preservation.”
germy
@Elizabelle: I watched both episodes. It’s weird; I remember wondering twenty years ago if her older brother did it. Not intentionally; just a violent outburst. The “ransom” note (“we respect your business, but not your country”) was absurd. But then as the years passed I didn’t think about it.
The scatalogical stuff; smearing his poop on her bed and on her chocolate candy and wacking her with the golf club; it’s obvious he was dealing with some intense rage.
I didn’t see the Dr. Phil interview (I think I’m allergic to him) but from what I understand Burke grinned through the whole thing.
raven
@jeffreyw: At my buddies memorial this weekend someone unearthed a pic of me shutgunning him in front of some 10 ft plants down near Makanda!
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
And a giant economy size case of Depends.
Wapiti
@SiubhanDuinne:
It translates to: we came up with a half dozen excuses for the criminal way the foundation has been operated by the Trump family, but our focus groups rejected them all as bullshit. We’ve got nothing and really hope the conversation quickly shifts away from this.
RK
Anxiously awaiting the make-up sex post.
NotMax
@Rand Careaga
Used to work at a summer camp. One time, there was a very large pit dug next to the main building, awaiting the dropping in of a concrete holding tank. 10 feet across by 15 feet long, at least.
Anyhoo, sauntered out the back door of the kitchen just past sundown, holding a tall glass of gin and tonic (this was during pre-season preparation) and saw some people who had gone down to the lakefront to watch the sun set were still standing around talking. Headed over in that direction to chat, completely forgetting the new hole was there and hilarity ensued. Yup, disappeared from their view, went straight down to the bottom.
Did not spill so much as a single drop of the drink.
Steeplejack (phone)
@SiubhanDuinne:
That’s CDO—properly arranged in alphabetical order!
@Chris T.:
D’oh!
JPL
@Elizabelle: They moved from Colorado to the city I live in. They lived with her parents for awhile in order to avoid the news. This was years ago before they randomly covered magazines at check out counters. All the covers in the local Publix at the checkout were covered. I stopped by customer service and asked why. (cuz that is who I am) The answer was because they were locals. I said good and I assume all locals will be treated the same. The same store made national news in August when two teens were found murdered behind the store.
This is filed under much ado about nothing, however I thought that I’d share.
jeffreyw
@raven: Damn, man! Has the statute of limitations run out?
p.a.
@raven: No owls here, plenty of redtails (I’m in hearing distance of I95), and I’ve got a crappy cameraphone pic of a sharpie feasting on a junco just outside of my yard. That’s a pretty good find for Providence (Coopers are more common), and of course Peregrines nest in the city.
SiubhanDuinne
Since this is an Open Thread, and bears the title “Tinkle Hell” (and, anyhow, is Balloon Juice), I’d like to throw out a question I occasionally wonder about:
When you were a little child, first being potty trained, what terms did your parents or caretakers use for the two functions? (Alternatively, what terms do/did you teach your children?) Piss and shit? Urinate and defecate? Number One and Number Two?
In my case, it was Tinkle and Grunt.
You?
raven
@jeffreyw: Ha, there is some comfort in having driven around for 23 years and not cared if I got stopped! It wasn’t always that way. I also have a couple of shots of him and me at Enari burin some!
Elizabelle
@germy: Ooh. I did not hear any of the other stuff. Did hear about the golf club.
Sad story.
scav
@Roger Moore: Well, if his lips flap, that is technically making a statement and making a statement means it all goes away, no? Nonsense rhymes put sleepy, cobbler-fed children to sleep, so there we go. The bit about it doing its job means yes, it is exactly what is described on the tin, it’s doing a good job of taking care of something rare, giving money to that (Trump himself) using other people’s money (actually, not so rare). Apparently Trump could shoot a person on the street and go through their pockets and still no-one would object.
raven
@p.a.: Sweet.
Wapiti
@SiubhanDuinne: Farhenthold’s wife might need to buy him a nicer suit to accept the Pulitzer.
Pogonip
@SiubhanDuinne: Well, you don’t know what he’s DOING during the Pledge of Allegiance…
germy
@Elizabelle: What struck me was how deferential the police and authorities were to the family. There really are two justice systems, one for the very wealthy and one for the rest of us.
Iowa Old Lady
@Manyakitty: Holy shit. No pun intended.
Elizabelle
@JPL: That’s kind of sweet about the magazine covers. And very sad about the teens.
Chris T.
@SiubhanDuinne: For the old Unix types, “stream output” and “core dump”. (Per former housemate. I swear I did not come up with these myself!)
Eric S.
@Shana: The third baseman on one of my softball teams is a manager at the Chicago AG store. Don’t worry, I won’t rat out your family.
germy
Here’s something minor but disturbing I picked up from the Ramsey CBS investigation (and I think it ties in with my germ phobia):
Original investigators found strange DNA in the victim’s underwear, which led them to believe an outsider broke into the house and left it. They searched a database but couldn’t find a match.
The recent investigation discovered the DNA was left on the underwear during the manufacturing process. To prove this, they bought brand new panties, tested them, and found DNA.
I wash everything I buy before I wear it.
NotMax
Just for grins.
Number fumbler.
SiubhanDuinne
@germy:
I saw a two-minute clip from that interview. The smiling was really creepy, and totally inappropriate to the subject matter. My respect for Dr. Phil is sub-basement level, can’t stand him and haven’t watched him in years, but it seemed clear that even he was kind of freaked out by Brother Burke’s nonstop grinning. I wonder whether he said anything or confronted Burke about it. So weird.
Adam L Silverman
@BettyC: What most have forgotten, if they knew it, is that when they plumbed houses in Florida in the 50s-70s they used something called orangeburg pipe. This is a compressed, paper laminated pipe (basically a plastic coated papier mache). Who ever thought putting laminated, compressed paper pipes into the ground in Florida given Florida’s water table was not particularly smart… Anyhow, over time, as you can imagine, they begin to deteriorate and/or are infiltrated by tree roots and the roots of other plants. One of the signs that you’ve got orangeburg pipe and that its starting to go/has gone is that whatever you’re flushing gets hung up on the collapsing/deteriorating portions of the pipe and/or the root infiltration of it. We had this happen at my parents house in Carrollwood while I was in college. Someone flushed at a party and, well, things got quite interesting. So you all need to check and make sure you don’t have orangeburg and that if you do its not part of the problem. Good luck!
Pogonip
@SiubhanDuinne: the first 2-300 pages of The Stand were great. Then Randall Flagg, the world’s least frightening villain, shows up and that’s pretty much that.
Gargamel is more frightening than Flagg.
Roger Moore
@germy:
Three. You left out the much nastier justice system for Those People.
Omnes Omnibus
@germy:
It’s more comfortable that way anyway.
Eric S.
@Wapiti: I like my Brooks Brothers suits but I’m not a fashionista. I’ve been thinking of adding / updating. What are you thinking for nicer?
Roger Moore
@Adam L Silverman:
I don’t know about that. The people who cut corners during construction make their money and are long gone by the time the owners discover the problems. That seems smart in a rather Trumpian way.
raven
@Adam L Silverman: I thought they used that during WWII?
ah “While a variety of companies competed with Fiber Conduit Company, it was by far and away the largest producer of bitumenized fiber conduit piping throughout the early 20th century and demand for fiber conduit only increased during World War II with the need for electrical conduit for use in new airfields and military bases. In 1948, the name of the Fiber Conduit Company was changed to the Orangeburg Manufacturing Company. As World War II ended and gave rise to the post-war housing boom, the demand for cheap housing materials was at an all-time high and available drainage materials were scarce. Orangeburg Manufacturing produced a thicker-walled, sturdier, round version of fiber conduit, selling it as “Orangeburg pipe” for sewer and drain uses.”
Omnes Omnibus
@Pogonip: It did inspire this song by The Alarm.
p.a.
@Omnes Omnibus: As kids, my cousin found a pair of used sneakers on a city bus and wore them. To this day we bust his balls about that.
Chris T.
@Adam L Silverman: I don’t think Orangeburg is limited to FL. Here’s an interesting article. (sewerhistory.org … who knew there was a sewerhistory.org?!)
lamh36
BUSTED: Cops caught on video pepper-spraying handcuffed biracial girl — after a car hit her
Larkspur
@SiubhanDuinne: You have to run the Trump quote through Google translate more than a few times. I did English to Dutch to Vietnamese to Frisian to Pashto and back to English and got this: The foundation is really low. It provides the money. It is really a good job. I think we do that by making the dream of a final report. It almost makes sense to me now.
Steeplejack (phone)
@SiubhanDuinne:
Wha . . .?
Pogonip
@SiubhanDuinne: P. S. uncle Stevie turned 69 today.
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@raven: Cool picture of that handsome dude. I’m the female outlier who really likes snakes.
As to OCD, there was a disagreement here as to which Q is OCD. We placed short 3 shelf wire shelving units against a wall and Mr Q leveled them, then paired them equidistant from the wall. I looked and said “they’re not the same depth,” and he scoffed, noting – correctly – that they were the same item made by the same company, i.e., identical pieces. I was certain they were not the same depth so he applied a tape and measured. There was indeed a 16th inch difference.
His view is that only someone with serious OCD would notice a sixteenth of an inch difference, which was patently obvious to me since they were next to each other. My position is that anyone who cares enough to measure as opposed to shrugging with “sure, fine, whatever” has a touch of OCD. Thoughts?
NotMax
@raven
Take a gander at one the the things that transpired while I was off island.
Wowsers.
Larkspur
@SiubhanDuinne: Tinkle and grunt! Yes. Are you my sister? Damn.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@SiubhanDuinne:
I’ve seen that creepy phenomenon, too. Hard to feel entirely comfortable in that situation.
Open thread question… My daughter, a lovely, bright soul, just doesn’t have much to say to dear old dad these days. She makes excellent decisions, does well in school, has a good friend and a few solid but lesser friendships. Just doesn’t seem to need much “dad time” of late. Is this sort of age normal?
Her mom (my ex) has been going through a rough patch of late, on the job and in her relationship with her unemployed boyfriend who is in alcohol rehab, and I kind of think my daughter is parenting her a bit.
Any thoughts or advice?
indycat32
I just saw the Trump clip about his foundation. What I heard: “the foundation is really there” (not rare). “It gives money to vets” (not that). Which makes a bit more sense, although I seriously doubt it gives any money to vets. (I spent a lot of years transcribing doctors’ reports so I’m pretty good at translating mumbles into English).
Adam L Silverman
@Pogonip: Is it that he’s not frightening or just boring. He’s dull and uninspiring.
raven
@Chris T.: Someone like me who had an addition delayed 2 years while the city investigated, designed and installed 100 yards of sewer line in front oh my house after we learned city sewer ran through our yard. . . with no easement.
germy
@SiubhanDuinne:
He had the same affect during an interview a few days after the murder (this was shown on the CBS investigation). He didn’t act like someone frightened about an intruder.
I’m guessing the D.A. figured out what was going on, and decided there was no point in causing any more pain for the family.
Of course I can’t imagine an inner city AA family getting the same consideration or sympathy.
eclare
@SiubhanDuinne: Glad I have a dog, no squirrels in my house. Ugh, shivers.
Shana
@Eric S.: The kids going to college in a year. I think the statute of limitations on that has run out. Cool though.
NotMax
@Chris T.
Having installed Orangeburg when setting up a tile field, can attest it is a snap to work with and to patch when checking for blockages.
SiubhanDuinne
@Larkspur:
Seriously? I’ve never heard that particular pairing outside of my own family.
JPL
@germy: Since most of our clothing items and linens are produced overseas, they are also treated with chemicals to discourage critters and other stuff. Wash them for sure. I can understand a little girl wanting to wear new items though.
Patricia Kayden
@JPL: Maybe drinking would make Trump more coherent since he swears that he doesn’t imbibe.
Steeplejack (phone)
@SiubhanDuinne:
I saw only a snippet, but I thought the grinning was maybe because the kid was Asperger/autistic. Definitely some weird affect.
raven
@NotMax: Whoa, we went up there our last day and that is one steepand narrow valley!
Check out this tornado path near Homer, IL last week.
?BillinGlendaleCA
See if it goes on until lunch, you don’t need to worry about where to eat breakfast. PROBLEM SOLVED. Where to eat lunch might present another problem.
eclare
@raven: That is an amazing picture!
Adam L Silverman
@raven: Yep, they used it down here for decades. Florida land of the armed, home of non enforced building codes!
Adam L Silverman
@Roger Moore: Building codes down here are funky!
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
@SiubhanDuinne:
@Wapiti:
@Steeplejack (phone):
My bad. I read JPL‘s comment too hastily. Thought it was about TRUMP’s wife buying him a new suit.
Fahrenthold is a hero. He has no need of Depends.
raven
@eclare: Imagine being in that farm house.
Major Major Major Major
Just ordered symphony tickets at the $15 “I’ll go to the symphony for $15!” price.
Should be nice! In a month.
Iowa Old Lady
@West of the Rockies (been a while): How old is she?
I think it’s pretty normal for a teen to go incommunicado for a while. If you keep trying though, you make it more likely she’ll come back to you when she’s ready.
Again I don’t know how old she is, but here’s a story a friend told me when my kid was 12. She said when your kid is that age, a monster comes and takes your kid away and leaves a monster child in your child’s place. The only way you get your child back again is to learn to love the monster child.
Larkspur
@SiubhanDuinne: Seriously. I’m a mid-Boomer, grew up in Michigan, father’s side of the family Pennsylvania Dutch, everyone but me is a Republican or libertarian, my particular family used the terms “tinkle” and “grunt” till we were school aged, then no one (including in the extended family) ever talked about pee or poop at all until they got old, then you couldn’t shut them up about it. Any other similarities to your family? Also many of us are totally neurotic.
Adam L Silverman
@Chris T.: There’s some guy on line that documents all of his vacations. This is not strange. What is strange is he likes to vacation by going and visiting nuclear power plants all over the world and the posting the pictures and schematics online. So there is something online for everyone!
As for using Orangeburg Pipe – I have no doubt it was used far and wide. Using it in a place like Florida where the water table is about 2 inches below the surface is particularly stupid!
eclare
@efgoldman: Yes, I had to replace the clay pipe from my 1920’s house to the street, had a backhoe in my front yard. That was kind of disconcerting.
raven
@Adam L Silverman: Here too: “Orangeburg pipes nationwide are failing at an unprecedented rate. We are experts at diagnosing orangeburg pipe and offer trenchless solutions! Call us today as we provide FREE ESTIMATES and offer FREE CONSULTATION for Augusta or surrounding areas
Fixes Sewers Fast and Afforably
Once you orangeburg pipes go bad you have no choice but to fix the problem. In all cases orangeburg pipe will need to be relined or replaced. Call today for your FREE ESTIMATE we are experts in this type of repair.
We are your orangeburg pipe lining experts!”
Steeplejack (phone)
@West of the Rockies (been a while):
What age is your daughter?
Eric U.
@efgoldman: I solved the problem with my wife hogging the covers by getting my own blankets.
germy
@Steeplejack (phone): Breaking news:
japa21
@Adam L Silverman: I found out about orangeburg pipes the hard way. Bought a house in the mid 70’s in the NW suburbs of Chicago that was built early 60’s. Two days before Christmas had major backups. Long story short, they ended up replacing all the pipes from our house to the main line connection across the street on Christmas Eve. Found out the villagek new about the pipes and was subsidizing some of the cost of repair up until the previous year. Putting those pipes into Chicago area was really stupid. Oh, and the crew doing the repair cut the electric lines to the neighborhood in the process, so for a lot of people Christmas Eve was dark that year. I think they were out there, along with the electric company, until 3 AM.
A few years later, we moved just a couple blocks away. That house had been built 3 years later and used more conventional pipes. You can be sure we made sure of that.
eclare
@raven: Hawks and owls also probably thinned the feral cat populations. They will go after them.
Larkspur
@Iowa Old Lady:
Good story.
raven
@eclare: True dat but we really saw a decline when the coyotes showed up.
Patricia Kayden
@raven: No such thing as a “good snake”. They’re all scary as hell. Don’t blame your wife at all for her reaction. I remember the pandemonium which took place when my Mom found a garter snake in our backyard in Ontario. Fun times.
Major Major Major Major
@Eric U.: That’s funny, me and mine both think we came up with that solution to keep each other from hogging the blankets, too.
sukabi
@SiubhanDuinne: I was channel flipping and caught Dr. Phil saying that his grinning might have seemed inappropriate to the subject matter, but that was because he was nervous…
Didn’t watch any more than that. Don’t understand why dr. Phil has a tv show, don’t understand why anyone would go on his show…especially for something like the JonBenet murder “investigation” circus. It was a circus 20 years ago, they aren’t going to figure it out now without a confession.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@Iowa Old Lady:
Thank you for those thoughts. My daughter just turned 15. The distance began halfway through 14.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@Steeplejack (phone): Just turned 15.
Major Major Major Major
@efgoldman: Before the seismic retrofit our main waste pipe was, it turns out, 100-year-old clay.
The building really, really needed work. Wow.
raven
@Major Major Major Major: Same here, it’s better than the paper stuff.
Adam L Silverman
@Elizabelle: Jonbenet was found with her her head partially bashed in, garrotted, and in a small puddle of liquid/water. And this occurred on 26th December. This method of killing is traditional among the ancient Celts for making human sacrifices (though the body was usually dumped in a body of water). Sacrifices to the Celtic god of thunder, Taranis, were done on 26 December. Whoever killed Jonbenet Ramsey didn’t just murder her, he or she sacrificed her.
Major Major Major Major
@raven: Sure, that old stuff is great if you don’t live on a giant fault line.
SiubhanDuinne
@Larkspur:
Illinois, some German ancestry which may be where the terminology originated. Family pretty Republican/conservative, but not insane. My siblings either are apolitical or under informed RWNJs. As for age, I’m older than you (born 1942) with siblings three and four years younger.
I suspect it may have more to do with our parents’ ancestry and generation than anything else. Some Ph.D. linguistics student could design a nice survey.
Iowa Old Lady
@West of the Rockies (been a while): Every child is different, but it’s normal for a kid that age to be reaching for independence and be critical of parents. Your ex is probably a worrying factor for your daughter. You’re the best judge of whether something is really going wrong, but in any case, I’d say keep reaching out to her.
eclare
@West of the Rockies (been a while): How old is she? Teenagers can have stressed parental relationships, but eventually come home to normal in their late teens/early 20’s. Don’t ask me how I know this.
Major Major Major Major
@Adam L Silverman: Yeah, she was def. murdered. The initial theory was Burke did it on accident and the parents covered it up but that’s pretty much no longer what anybody reputable thinks.
Iowa Old Lady
@Larkspur: I found that story helpful when my son was that age, and I’ve passed it along to quite a few friends. Parenting is the hardest, most subtle thing I’ve ever done. Anything that helped me was welcome.
Adam L Silverman
@raven: Everyone needs a hobby!
Eric S.
@efgoldman: IIRC, Williams also claimed to be able to count the stitches on the ball when pitched. Based on his success at the plate I’ve little reason to doubt it.
raven
@Major Major Major Major: I didn’t say it was great.
NotMax
@Major Major Major Major
Less frequent now (duh) but certainly up through the 1970s and 80s, when digging for utility work in NYC the crews would occasionally come across hollowed out logs still in use for carrying potable water.
raven
@Adam L Silverman: I got my renaissance wax!
germy
@Major Major Major Major: So you believe someone wrote a three page ransom note “We represent a small foreign faction” asking for the exact amount of the father’s bonus $118,000.00 and then killed her?
Shana
@efgoldman: Our house was built in the mid ’80s and they used that plastic piping that was subject to a class action suit. The result of the suit was that if you had at least three documented leaks the company would pay to have your whole house replumbed. We bought in 1992 and had more than three leaks so we got the whole house done. Unfortunately they also used it for the main water line from the street, about 75 feet in our case. That failed a couple of years ago, water pouring down the driveway. $9,000 to replace it. Sigh.
NotMax
@raven
There’s a joke in there somewhere about making a certain body area look like it does on Michaelangelo’s David.
raven
@Shana: The sewer line the city replaced in our case cost $300,000.
Adam L Silverman
@Major Major Major Major: I’m not arguing she wasn’t murdered. I’m stating based on how she was killed and that date that she was killed that it was done in a ritual manner.
raven
@NotMax:
Adam L Silverman
@raven: Yeah!!!! Let me know how it works.
chopper
@NR:
lol, you’re not the real NR.
raven
@Adam L Silverman: The bummer is that I don’t think I should carry the ladder upstairs to take the items off the wall rack right now.
Adam L Silverman
@NotMax: Why would you want that. Michaelangelo’s David is not particularly well endowed.
Major Major Major Major
@Adam L Silverman: I was agreeing with you that it wasn’t a nine-year-old boy.
germy
@efgoldman: When Johnson wins the election we’ll enjoy a libertarian paradise. If your pipes burst you can simply take the contractor who installed them in 1960 to court.
raven
Rachel has live Charlotte on.
NotMax
@raven
Trust me, having acquaintances heavily into the SCA means receiving a more than passing awareness of the stuff.
Adam L Silverman
@efgoldman: We have them. But they’re more like guidelines than actual rules.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GMkuPiIZ2k
raven
@NotMax: Ah, cool. They used to have a big group at the University of Illinois. You think it’s good for antique rifles?
Adam L Silverman
@Major Major Major Major: Ah, ok. Sorry. I’m tracking now.
Adam L Silverman
@raven: The CMPD broke out the tear gas launchers!
Steve in the ATL
@JPL: you’re in Vinings? I was thinking Johns Creek but clearly I’m drunk and/or high.
NotMax
@Adam L. Silverman
Body area, not body part.
Diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks and all that. :)
jeffreyw
Not great video, but we had a pack of coyotes in our back yard this week.
different-church-lady
Am now praying I die before my water main breaks…
raven
@efgoldman: Depends on how much digging.
NotMax
@raven
Society for Creative Anachronism.
One friend with a long history with them crafts his own chain mail.
raven
@NotMax: Yea, I deleted my dumb question after I googled it.
different-church-lady
@NotMax: Pft. Who doesn’t nowadays?
Denali
@West of the Rockies,
Fathers and daughters are always complicated. Just keep being there for her.
raven
@NotMax: One of my pieces was made in 1861.
Tazj
I always considered my dad a feminist, because he not only talked about how pretty my mom was, but also about how intelligent she was. He always encouraged all of us(5 girls, 2boys) to get a good education and to learn how everything worked(cars, appliances) so that we wouldn’t be taken advantage of by unscupulous repairmen. He hated when women were referred to as “loose”, “what about the men?”
However, every time the toilet backed up in our house he would grouse about all the girls in the house.”This is the problem with so many girls.” “Why do you have to use so much toilet paper?”My mom would just roll her eyes.
It turned out all the sewer lines were put in wrong in our whole area.They were put in at the wrong incline. Everybody’s front lawn had to be dug up eventually and at least one of the local plumbers became a millionaire.
germy
@efgoldman: Trump had a TV show.
jeffreyw
A pair flash by at the 3 second mark in this one.
SiubhanDuinne
The fuck is going on in Charlotte? Any chance Adam can do a dedicated thread?
NotMax
@NotMax
Shorter description: sword geeks.
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: Flash bang.
raven
@jeffreyw: Whoa!
germy
Hannity is busy trying to smear Terence Crutcher, but it just isn’t sticking.
raven
@SiubhanDuinne: People want to be arrested. People are being arrested.
raven
@efgoldman: He was also a great bone fisherman.
NotMax
@raven
Someplace in a box have a jackknife from the 1830s which I used to lend out to theater groups performing The Threepenny Opera.
raven
@NotMax: Oh, the shark has pretty teeth dear.
Mary G
@Adam L Silverman: I just spent two years and a lot of money having my front yard torn up for Orangeburg pipe, which had collapsed due to the incursion of a tree root six inches in diameter, and I live in California.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: @MomSense: @efgoldman: just for all ‘yall: Big Ass Spider!
It’s actually a pretty funny movie – if you like horror comedy and are not an arachnophobe. (two big-ass “if’s”)
West of the Rockies (been a while)
Thanks to those who offered advice on teenaged daughters. Glad to know it’s all pretty normal (if difficult).
Shana
@raven: Wow! That’s stunning. At least you didn’t pay for it. Although, as you said, it took them 2 years to get it done.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: I’ll see your spider movie and raise you this.
NotMax
@West of the Rockies (been a while)
Get used to hearing “Whatever!”
raven
@Shana: It was our only course and we feel very lucky they did it. What really clinched it for us was that the sewer went under a house on the block. I was unhappy at first but, after I saw how complex the design and work was, I just felt fortunate. Here’s what it looked like.
Eric S.
@efgoldman: Not surprising. A few years ago I read the book The Sports Gene. Early on it discussed the vision of MLB players. They all had superior vision, 20/12 or 20/14. Something like that. The argument was it was a self sorting phenomenon. A player couldn’t make it that far without having superior vision.
Shana
@NotMax: And if my very limited exposure to them is any indication, somewhat overweight women who like dressing up as “wenches.”
Ruckus
@JPL:
My only comment if someone counted out the sheets for me would be that they would also have to use them as well. On me. I would think that would settle it.
NotMax
@Shana
Reubenesque.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. ;)
CZanne
@germy: So… I live in Boulder County, but didn’t move here until several years afterwards. I never paid any attention to the story before I moved here, and it took me years to summon any interest for it. (I have a tabloid allergy, with the delightful exception of the dear departed Weekly World News. I tend to avoid any story whose participants have been a cover story I saw while waiting at the grocery store.) By the time I got around to it, I was familiar with both moieties of Boulder residents: Boulder Weird and Boulder Wealth. They don’t overlap much. And when I read that letter, my first impression was, “huh. This reads like it was written by someone who is horrified by Boulder Weird. And doesn’t actually know any liberals.”
Which apparently describes Patsy Ramsey very well.
Miss Bianca
@MomSense: How about, if you happen to live in the same damn state as the hotel where “The Shining” was shot? (it’s in Estes Park – several hours’ drive. that’s close enough for me. Still haven’t seen the movie – I was 12 when it came out and I remember my best friend, the rabid Stephen King/horror fan, writing me a letter over the summer telling me she’d seen it and it had kept her up for three nights with the lights on. “Awesome flick!” was her assessment. “No fucking way” was mine.)
Adam L Silverman
@efgoldman: That’s what my folks did, replaced it with PVC.
Adam L Silverman
@SiubhanDuinne: It went up before you wrote your comment. Focus!!!
Ruckus
@efgoldman:
When I moved my business 28 yrs ago I found a box of paper clips that mom had bought when she was running the office. Now I said a box, it was a box with a gross of paper clips. A gross of boxes of paper clips. I gave away 142 boxes, kept one for my self. That other box had lasted for 14 yrs. I still have the one I kept. It’s full.
Adam L Silverman
@efgoldman: Beinvenida a la Florida!
Miss Bianca
@SiubhanDuinne: “Big” and “Tinkle”. (Curse you, Red Baron, for making me remember!)
MomSense
@West of the Rockies (been a while):
Teens do that but it sounds like you are worried because you recognize that she may be dealing with stress and too much responsibility at her mom’s place. Can you treat her to something fun like a concert, or night away/day trip with a friend or two and you as chaperone? Maybe she could really use a little fun and a break from whatever may be going on with her mom.
Shana
@West of the Rockies (been a while): My husband, who is the father to our two 20-something daughters, got through their teens by always being there to listen, quietly, when they needed to talk about anything. Calmly asking about specific stuff, “How’s it going in this particular class? What are you studying? What’s new with (friend)? Did you hear about (usually political event in the news)? What do you think about that?” Keep the lines of communication open with her. Make sure she knows you care about what’s going on with her in addition to the fact that you love her. Sometimes – gross generalization ahead – men try to solve problems when all she really wants or needs is to vent. Deep breaths. Read a book together that she wants to read. Discuss the book together.
One of my brothers-in-law died last year. His 24 year old daughter especially was devestated. One of the things she’d been doing with her father was reading the Harry Potter books and the 10 cousins decided to keep that going. They’re all over the country but skype once every couple of weeks to discuss the next part of the books. They don’t all always make it to the skype sessions but enough do that it keeps going. It’s been remarkably helpful to her, and all the cousins feel, not only that they’re doing something to help her mourn and heal, but they’re all closer than they were before. They even decided to rent a beach house on the Atlantic coast for a week this summer and had a great time.
As a very wise person once told me “it’s all a phase” when it comes to parenting.
MomSense
@Miss Bianca:
It’s so scary. It gave me nightmares for the longed time.
Manyakitty
@Patricia Kayden: Yeah, it was quite something.
Miss Bianca
@Patricia Kayden: I remember when I was a little girl and we were vacationing “up North” in Michigan (Upper Peninsula, a stone’s throw – a literal stone’s throw – from the shore of Lake Michigan.). Saw my first ruby-throated hummingbird up there. Also saw my first snakes (garter snakes, for the record), which freaked me the fuck out – I was scared of snakes till I managed to read some books about them that ended up fascinating me to the point where I almost – not quite – completely lost my fear. (The Power of Research! Yeah!)
But “up North” is also where I saw my first, and hitherto only, snake ball (I’d link to a photo but don’t want to send you into hives!). Just a big old tangle o’ snakes – a snake orgy, I guess you’d say. I was with my adored big sister so I didn’t freak out too badly – I always counted on my older sisters to protect me and explain the world to me – but I’ve never forgotten it, either.
Manyakitty
@geg6: Ha! I also had a bat in the house (not belfry). I called my dad for help and he made me wait until South Park was over.
Capri
@West of the Rockies (been a while):
I can’t speak to father/daughter stuff specifically, but I do have 2 daughters who lived through a divorce and then had to deal with my ex, who has mental health issues and is an alcoholic I tried to be there for them and lend a sympathetic ear the very few times they opened up and talked to me. What I kept telling myself was that I was going to be the parent who was not an asshole.
So all the experts say to never run down your ex, no matter what. I tried to do that – but I think validating the kid’s feelings and impressions is more important. So when one of them told me that they thought something he did was inappropriate, I didn’t make some lame excuse for him. I also did not start a hate-fest, but I did validated their feelings and tell that yes, that was inappropriate behavior. Now, at 30 and 27 they are back to being nice people and have told me they thought I handled that stuff well at the time.
Long post short- be there to listen to her when she’s ready to talk, expect her to spend most of her time with friends, validate her impressions and feelings if she shares them.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@MomSense: I have suggested as much, but not much interest on her end. She’s showing no signs of depression or anxiety. Only daughter of somewhat older parents (I’m 54); she’s pretty self-sufficient. I suppose I am very fortunate to have just this to fret about.
Miss Bianca
@Adam L Silverman: Oh, great, Adam…now I’m thinking “The Wicker Man”. But Christmas-themed. “The Holly Man”? “Santa Claus is Coming to Town (and He’s Gonna Get You!)”
The only thing that ever freaked me out worse than clowns when I was a kid was Santa Claus. Now, I start to wonder why…
Adam L Silverman
@Miss Bianca: This has nothing to do with Christmas or Santa Claus.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@Capri: I definitely make sure to not tear down my ex. I want her to be happy since she’s the mother of my child and her happiness affects our daughter. I told myself two days after my ex said she wanted to divorce that I was not going to be the angry ex-husband. Rage and resentment take a lot of energy that is better expended on creative ventures and such.
Miss Bianca
@NotMax:
Und Macheath, der hat ein Messer,
doch das Messer sieht man nicht…
NotMax
@Miss Bianca
Rare Exports.
trailer
MomSense
@West of the Rockies (been a while):
Ordinary age 15 can be weird. When my middle son was that age I did a lot of talking to his back as he walked by.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: “Must defeat them…ONCE AGAIN?!” Dear God, once was not enough?
different-church-lady
@efgoldman:
“Just throw it at the bull. Trust me.”
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: It is a sequel to Lavalantula.
Miss Bianca
@Adam L Silverman: Yeah, that’s what you say…
ETA: Seriously? You think I don’t grok the difference between Santa and Taranis?
Adam L Silverman
@Omnes Omnibus: It was on last night, wasn’t it?
Adam L Silverman
@Miss Bianca: About three letters difference from what I can count.
Omnes Omnibus
@Adam L Silverman: I think so. It was on fairly recently. I haven’t seen it. I need to see the original first so I don’t miss any major plot points.
Miss Bianca
@Adam L Silverman: you said it, not I…
Central Planning
When we replaced the toilets in our house, I told the guy at the hardware store “I want the biggest, baddest flushing toilet you have”. It’s something with a 3″ opening which was larger than just about anything else in the store.
My 11 year still clogs it. I’m amazed at the size of the turds that come out of that little kid.
Our new unclogging method is to squirt in about 1/4 cup of dishwasher detergent into the bowl and let it sit for 5-10 minutes (more if we forget about it). Usually only one or two plunges is needed to get that shit moving (literally).
Adam L Silverman
@Miss Bianca: And I would say it again…
Adam L Silverman
@Omnes Omnibus: They were showing them back to back. I’m sure you could get them on On Demand.
Soprano2
I’ve worked for our city’s sewer department for 23 years and I heard things in this thread I’ve never heard before. I could tell some stories…
Omnes Omnibus
@Adam L Silverman: I’ll go Bartleby here.
Aleta
@West of the Rockies (been a while): Age 14-16 was the hardest stretch when I lived with a teen girl, though everyone is different. In her case the divorce had happened long before, and many peaceful years had passed, but it seemed like suddenly forces came into play in her that she couldn’t even articulate. Her dad had been the easygoing one she’d always been close to, and lived with. I think when she hit that age, the adjustment (she went to her Mom’s each weekend, and then came home on Sunday night) seemed to take more out of her. It makes sense because when the brain is coping with stresses, it takes more effort to adjust to change. And mostly she just wanted some space (while still depending on the steadiness of her parents as her environment, but that dependence was hidden from view). We’d take her to the mall and she’d ask us to walk on the other side from her; drove her to school once and she wanted us to duck down until she got out of the car! Also I think her teendom somehow caused her to feel torn about loyalty to each parent, where she hadn’t felt that before. But that was her.
It could be that your daughter needs (in a good way) the quiet peaceful time she gets while she is with you. She might not be able to articulate it, but time that seems to you as devoid of interaction could be for her a quiet security where she can rebalance her identity and dream and find her new self.
KS in MA
@MomSense: @Aleta: Amen!!!
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@Aleta:
Thank you for a very thoughtful response. It’s nice to know I’m not experiencing something wildly unusual. She seems essentially happy, healthy, and productive, so I will just weather the storm and stay solid and dependable.
J R in WV
@p.a.:
We found a 6 foot snake skin on our new house’s basement while doing a new water heater – first new water tank went through circuit boards and igniters every 90 days or so. They were underneath, where moisture from the gas flame could accumulate.
Anyway, snake skin was on top of return air duct, from a black snake according to biologist neighbor. They are good to have in the woods, no rodents last more than a couple of hours. Once I heard a slither sound in a wall, otherwise no sign except for that shed skin.
And the wolf spiders do well, except for drying out sometimes. I use a highball glass and a magazine insert card to trap them and release them into the ferns outside the front door. I’m sure some come back inside, but that’s on them.
J R in WV
@raven:
nice snake picture, dude!! Lucky to have that in the crawlspace – no rats, no mice, no rodents of any type. Even bigger bugs will be eliminated!
Ang
Ah, Florida. I grew up in Ft. Myers, and we would frequently get frogs in the toilet in the bathroom off my parents’ bedroom. They’d swim up the pipes, and startle Mom. She’d inevitably just close the lid on them, use the other bathroom, and make somebody else deal with them – and also complain about the little froggy fingers trying to push out between the seat and the lid.
Good times.