Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Nothing worth doing is easy.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Consistently wrong since 2002

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

In my day, never was longer.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

The words do not have to be perfect.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

People are complicated. Love is not.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Not all heroes wear capes.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

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This Kind of Shit Will Probably Get Worse…

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This deadbeat douchecanoe is not gonna grab his musket on November 9th and march on DC (unless “musket” is his euphemism for a certain no-doubt small, wizened and pinkish appendage). He’s a coward and a bully, as his undistinguished term in the House established, upon which the voters wisely kicked his ass to the curb. But yeah, some of the Trumpistas — catching a whiff of loser stink in the air — are starting to come unglued.

We’ll take nothing for granted. We’ll make phone calls. Knock on doors. Enter data. Vote. And we won’t be afraid. Because fuck that guy.

Reader Interactions

131Comments

  1. 1.

    hueyplong

    If all they’ve got is muskets, my money is on the National Guard, and I’m willing to lay the points.

  2. 2.

    that_guy

    Yup, he’ll grab it.

    “Alright patriots! You other guys go ahead, I’ll be right behind you, just gotta load it up. I’m on my way.”

  5. 5.

    Yutsano

    After Chaffetz mouthed off about endless Clinton investigations, I want the House now. Let’s run up the fucking score.

  6. 6.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    Can you imagine the squeals of rage and indignation on the right had it been an out-of-office lib who’d said such a thing?

  7. 7.

    Kropadope

    I’ve heard a lot of talk about needing to exercise a second amendment solution to the anticipated election of Hillary Clinton. It’s as though they think electing a Democrat is unconstitutional or at least an abrogation of their rights.

  8. 8.

    EriktheRed

    Must really chap his wingnut ass that the woman who kicked him outta the House is likely going to be a Senator next year, too.

  9. 9.

    trollhattan

    Yeah, screw the musket, I’ll throw a squirrel at him.

    Wonkette’s having too much fun today.

    HEY-O, somebody has a birthday today, and her name is H-I-L-L-A-R-Y! Also known as the first female president of the United States, as of a few months from now, Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton Benghazi Vince Foster Whitewater McGee was born on this day in 1947, which makes her 69 years old! She was vomited up from the bowels of hell, took on the appearance of a bouncing baby girl, and nobody noticed her true demon shape until some Republican men in Arkansas got creeped out by how she didn’t immediately take her husband’s last name when they got married. Then they could tell FOR SURE.

    Emphasis for awesomeness.

  10. 10.

    Mustang Bobby

    I’ve seen some of Musket Joe’s cohorts who claim they’ll stand up and fight. Heh. The last time they stood up was to reach for the bag of Cheetos on the top shelf.

    Does a Rascal scooter come with a gun rack?

  12. 12.

    gf120581

    Besides Trump’s impending loss, Walsh is probably pissed that the woman who kicked him to the curb is about to get a promotion to the Senate.

    Plus, “musket?” Is he threatening insurrection or a Civil War reenactment.

  14. 14.

    JGabriel

    Betty Cracker @ Top:

    This deadbeat douchecanoe is not gonna grab his musket on November 9th …

    November 9th is exactly two weeks away. In two weeks, this will all be over.

    Usually, once the elections are over I feel a sense of relief that it’s finally over, combined with small sense of, still, I’m gonna miss the electoral excitement a little bit

    This year, I think I’ll feel the relief, but not miss the excitement at all. Most of this year’s moments of ‘excitement’ were just too appalling and depressing.

  19. 19.

    Pogonip

    @FlipYrWhig: Is that a muskrat in your pocket or are you just mad at Hillary?

    (And happy birthday to her! She’d be my aunt’s birthday twin if not for the International Date Line.)

  20. 20.

    Gravenstone

    Hey, if fuck for brains wants to limit himself to a muzzle loading smoothbore musket, more power to him. First deputy sherrif he runs across will plug his deadbeat ass – dead.

  23. 23.

    germy

    @Pogonip:

    Just out of curiosity–if Trump wins, will any of you take up arms?

    I’ll raise both my arms to shake my fists at the heavens, then I’ll sit quietly and stare at my passport.

  26. 26.

    kindness

    With all the upside down world we’ve seen I wouldn’t be surprised if after this election it’s the liberals who run out and buy guns. Especially if the Reichtwingnutz start acting like they can force any issue if you know what I mean…

  27. 27.

    Cpl. Cam

    On Nov 9th he’s grabbing his musket? Yeah, sure. We all know he’s clutching, stroking, and otherwise fondling his musket tonight and every night. Nov. 9th will be no different, probably just more tears than usual. Can’t wait!

  29. 29.

    EBT

    On November 8th I shall be drinking conservative tears. On November 9th I look forward to the next Malheur, and hopefully many dead finicums.

  31. 31.

    trollhattan

    @Pogonip: Little bastard sure hangs on for a long time–found myself judging the various holds like a pommel horse routine. Bulgarian judge gives a solid nine!

  32. 32.

    The Moar You Know

    Yeah I’m in, because of people like Joe Walsh, who are crazy and pathological enough to actually make good on those kinds of threats.

    Just out of curiosity–if Trump wins, will any of you take up arms?

    @Pogonip: Nope. But I feel pretty safe in saying that won’t happen.

  36. 36.

    Cermet

    Love the dumb asses thinking that liberals are as stupid as these thugs; liberals accept democratic results and work in the system to turn things around.

  38. 38.

    Baud

    @Pogonip:

    Just out of curiosity–if Trump wins, will any of you take up arms?

    I would, but I’m afraid it would take away from my Balloon Juice time.

  40. 40.

    ThresherK

    I’ll know Hillz has won when Texas decides it needs to piss and moan about secession. Again.

  43. 43.

    KG

    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… the last time there was wide spread talk of rejecting the results of an election prior to votes being counted was in 1860. That didn’t end well for them then, either.

  44. 44.

    Thoughtful David

    Ok, I agree that douchecanoe Walsh won’t actually do it. But how does what he tweeted not rise to sedition? Or at least instigating sedition?

  48. 48.

    Karen S.

    @Kropadope: This is exactly what they think.

    What does that idiot Joe Walsh even mean about getting his musket on Nov. 9? To do what? Have it appraised? He and people like him really think they’re living in that Mel Gibson movie “The Patriot,” as historically inaccurate as it was. They believe themselves the revolutionary heroes they think this country needs. So misguided.

  50. 50.

    The Moar You Know

    Ok, I agree that douchecanoe Walsh won’t actually do it. But how does what he tweeted not rise to sedition? Or at least instigating sedition?

    @Thoughtful David: Because everyone knows that the big-mouthed unemployed deadbeat dad doesn’t have the ability to pull it off.

    The law, in other words, treats him the same as the mentally ill guy on the corner who screams about killing the president in between bouts of proclaiming himself Jesus Christ, as they should.

  51. 51.

    C. Isaac

    @Thoughtful David:

    Because in front of a judge there are so many ways to lie and misconstrue what he said to be something else it’s not worth pursuing. Unless he flat out says, step by step, what he wants to do it’s a nothingburger.

    Plus, I’d love to see the tens of people he’d get to rise up in insurrection. The first time it interferes with their Sunday ballgame viewing they’d be ready to quit.

  55. 55.

    Kropadope

    @Redshift:

    They’re constantly told by their bubble that conservatives are a clear majority, so obviously a Democrat can’t have been elected legitimately.

    I imagine it’s really easy to convince themselves of this given that they love bleating their anti-government propaganda in public and otherwise making their views very, very visible and well-known.

  57. 57.

    Patricia Kayden

    @Pogonip: Trump is not going to win. I don’t own any weapons. Next question.

    @West of the Rockies (been a while): Republicans and Rightwingers get away with everything they spew. There is virtually no push back when they make these kinds of outlandish fascist threats. That’s why the “both sides do it” argument is b.s.

  58. 58.

    Betty Cracker

    @trollhattan: we had a feeder like that, and mostly it flung the little buggers off in seconds, but once one hung on like the one in that video. At first I was laughing, but as the minutes went by, I got concerned. I was trying to figure out how to stop the damn spinning without having the squirrel leap onto my face.

    As I was approaching the feeder with a broom, intent on jamming it into the whirling perch, the sight of me galvanized the squirrel, and it let go. It landed at my feet, and I swear to dog its little eyes were spinning in their sockets. After a moment, it collected itself and scampered away. I think we were both traumatized.

  59. 59.

    Turgidson

    Is “musket” now what they’re calling an adult diaper?

    This lollygagging deadbeat was a fucking Congressman (fortunately not for very long). Good grief.

  60. 60.

    Amaranthine RBG

    @JPL: it’s a rifle cartridge, especially popular in lever action rifles like the Winchester Model 94

  61. 61.

    Lizzy L

    I just filled out my vote-by-mail ballot. I filled in the little circle for Clinton/Kaine — grinning like a loon. Then I filled out the rest of the damn thing — all three pages. California. 17 state propositions. It took about two hours to research them all, and there’s one I almost left blank, but didn’t.

    I’m going to seal the envelope, sign it, and drop it off at the ballot drop-off location in my town.

    Joe Walsh is an idiot. Just sayin’.

  63. 63.

    PhoenixRising

    Speaking of GOYAKOD*, despite the flat out call to complacency by our bloghost below–no, having merely voted, your election better not be over–I got the call from out of state in AZ last night. And guess what? There is room for you too! Campaign is pulling from what was going to be Clark County, NV, because early votes have Vegas bagged.

    So, head east to Maricopa County and help send indicted for multiple felonies and all around jackass Joe Arpaio off to a retirement facility funded by your federal dollars (once he’s been tried and if he’s convicted, of course).

    If anyone is connected in the area, and can save me from having to stay with my least favorite cousin….or wants to get in on the fun…climb aboard. This election is over when all the votes are counted.

    *Get Off Your Ass and Knock On Doors

  65. 65.

    Barbara

    @germy:

    How long before he walks that one back?

    As long as it takes the FBI and the Secret Service to locate his address.

  68. 68.

    SFGary

    Walsh is obviously an idiot but he doesn’t scare me. And I’m not worried about border militias taking up arms against the state either. But the rhetoric works it’s way into the brain stems of the loners and outcasts who, for example, blow up federal buildings.

    Nevermind the call to sedition, Walsh is rallying the weakest among his followers to wallow in their revenge fantasies but if one of them commits a crime he’ll deny complicity. Fascist playbook.

  69. 69.

    Steeplejack

    @Karen S.:

    Every time I see a mention of The Patriot I think of the joke (can’t remember the source) that it should have been named Lethal Musket.

  70. 70.

    Corner Stone

    @JPL:

    Thanks. I have a bb gun that a son gave me to scare off coyotes that jump over the fence.

    Ummm, a BB gun won’t scare off a panhandler, much less an inquisitive and motivated coyote. A starter’s gun would be a better tool. (fires blanks but loud af)

  71. 71.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    @Turgidson:

    And what is the fool doing now, anyone know? I wish there were consequences for such idiocy, even if just public shaming at the local Piggly Wiggly.

  72. 72.

    Barbara

    @JGabriel: I am going to miss the fact that my dear colleague who holds the best election parties ever is battling cancer. I don’t really have a plan B but I hope I can find one.

  73. 73.

    Corner Stone

    @Karen S.:

    that Mel Gibson movie “The Patriot,” as historically inaccurate as it was.

    How dare you? I say, how freakin’ dare you?!

  75. 75.

    JPL

    @Corner Stone: Last year I think it was scouting a place to nest, I put chicken wire around my shed, so it’s doubtful it will be back. At least I hope it won’t.

  76. 76.

    Jeffro

    “Yew in?”

    Um sure Joe Walsh… don’t forget to wear our special uniform (adult diaper, tinfoil cap), and practice your secret handshake too

  77. 77.

    JPL

    @Halffasthero: Fox news has a new poll with Hillary up three. I’m not sure of the makeup though. I guess the NBC Nevada poll was heavily weighted with males.

  79. 79.

    JoeC

    You know, I like the other Joe Walsh so much better. Excellent guitar player, gave Pete Townshend the rig (Gretsch/Whirlwind/Stomp Box) he used for Who’s Next/Quadrophenia, sold Jimmy Page the Les Paul he used for the Brown Bomber, written some great tunes…

  80. 80.

    Hungry Joe

    He’ll grab his musket just like Rush Limbaugh left the country after Obamacare passed, Ted Nugent was dead within a year after the 2012 election, and Sean Hannity submitted to waterboarding for charity.

    Tough talk from shit-for-brains wankers just cracks me up.

  82. 82.

    satby

    All talk, no show is what most of the armchair patriots will produce when they lose. Might get an isolated incident or two, though last deadbeat Walsh certainly wouldn’t be involved.

    The president of our rescue organization just called to see if I can take 6 foster cats. A hoarder with 38 cats (!!!) has agreed to turn them over to our group. I’m getting Maine Coons and Ragdolls. If anyone might want to adopt I will have pictures probably tomorrow.

  83. 83.

    Botsplainer

    @Jeffro:

    They’ll all intone paens to Patrick Henry (the biggest asshole Wingnut mouth of the entire revolutionary klatsch, a guy who never did much to bring about success). Fucker was way overrated in importance.

  88. 88.

    Ceci n'est pas mon nym

    @Pogonip: I have a jo (martial arts fighting stick). Closest thing I’ve got to a weapon. But you can do some serious damage with that thing and it’s got a pretty good reach swung at arm’s length.

  90. 90.

    hovercraft

    @Baud:
    I was hoping you would set up a shadow government, ready to take over when the Trump Administration collapsed.

  91. 91.

    gogol's wife

    @satby:

    The other night TCM showed this silly movie about the Hollywood Canteen, with a bunch of stars playing themselves at this canteen for WWII service people that Bette Davis and John Garfield started. Even in that, Stanwyck managed to make an interesting scene out of her little cameo. She was amazing.

  94. 94.

    jackmac

    Joe Walsh is an irrelevant blowhard. He apparently stays afloat thanks to checks from a right-wing sugar daddy. Walsh has few listeners to speak of and while individual ratings for his show are hard to come by, he’s on a Chicago station (WIND-AM) ranked a lowly 29th in the market.

  96. 96.

    germy

    @gogol’s wife: Robert Benchley and Charles Butterworth (two famous hollywood drunks) have a brief cameo serving the troops. And doesn’t Harpo Marx appear somewhere in Hollywood Canteen? I haven’t seen it in years…

  97. 97.

    hueyplong

    Re Harpo Marx. There is a Stage Door Canteen and a Hollywood Canteen. I think Harpo was in Stage Door Canteen.

  98. 98.

    JPL

    Yesterday two hawks came perilously close to where I was sitting. My scream seemed to startle them and they went separate ways. My son’s six pound dog visits often, and the experience taught me, that Nona would probably be lunch. I hit the deck.

  99. 99.

    debbie

    I can’t find a link, but I heard somewhere on NPR yesterday that a guy boasted that the piles of chicken wire in the back of his pick-up were for detaining voters he suspected of fraud on Election Day. There’s a FB video in the making.

  100. 100.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Botsplainer: Patrick Henry is their hero, because he was a talibangical asshole before talibangical assholes was coined.

    Fuck him, and his successors. REAL patriots listen to Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison.

  104. 104.

    Hungry Joe

    @debbie: Yeah, nothing beats chicken wire when it comes to detaining people. Unless, that is, he plans to wrap them up in it, in individual voter-fraud packages, and dump load after load of them at the County Sheriff’s office. Now, THAT’S a FB video.

  105. 105.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    What I want to know is, who are they going to shoot? The people who got elected, or the people who voted for them?

  106. 106.

    sinnedbackwards

    Gee, if you’re an originalist, muskets are just about the only firearm that the Second Amendment actually protects your right to. If you’re in a militia, that is.

  112. 112.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Just One More Canuck:

    It’s a little bittersweet for me. My mother died on October 26 (1975), so this date carries some heavy baggage for me. But I’m happy to celebrate HRC, and I’m sorry your own mother isn’t around to blow out her own candles today.

  113. 113.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Pogonip:

    I had that happen earlier today. A week or so ago, Alain the Site Fixer asked that whenever that happens he would like to hear from us (email him through Quick Links up top) and let him know approximate time of your disappeared comment, any key words or general subject, and whatever else you deem useful and relevant (as well as your nym and email, which the form requests anyhow). I think he is looking for patterns, so the more information you can feed him, the faster the problem will be fixed.

    (Obligatory: The good Lord willin’ and the crick don’t rise.)

  115. 115.

    Jeffro

    It dawned on me between the dumbass Jason “we’s a gonna investigate huh for yee-ahz” Chaffetz and this new, dumbass proposal to continue the Garland “blockade” to include all of HRC’s terms of office, these clowns actually need a smackdown BEYOND THIS ELECTION. Which is almost unbelievable in itself…I mean, they are facing a historic defeat, but they think they can play it off w/ Trump as a 1-time, uniquely bad representative of the GOP. Un-be-fucking-lievable.

    And it also dawned on my why this is – two reasons. One, they (Repubs) have painted HRC as the She Demon from Hell for almost 30 years now – if they even begin to walk that back, much less carry on normal governance with her, then their base eats them alive. And two, related to the first: opposing her is – they think – the only thing unifying the party, the only thing keeping the rubes distracted from, and engaging in, a complete GOP civil war.

    So I just hope that Hillz soldiers on, even if it means defying their subpoenas (“How many divisions does Chaffetz have?” LOL) and even if it means spending the next eight years doing almost nothing but torching these clowns. Permission to fire at will, Madam President.

  116. 116.

    Enhanced Voting Techinques

    It’s like the election of 1860 all again, except with no real issues, it’s a brothel owner instead of a slave owner driving it and old crazy men shouting at clouds, or something….

    Anyway, after that Bengazi movie, which I am sure was 100% accurate, why does Wash think the Hilldabest will hesitate a micro second before ordering the hit on him like she did with those Navy Seals who tried to deprive her of tasty American blood? A woman who refuses her husband’s last name is capable of anything after all.

  117. 117.

    Aleta

    @FlipYrWhig: What’s all this talk about grabbing mustard ? Why can’t mustard be enjoyed by all? If a man needs to grab his own mustard he’s eating too many hot dogs! What happened to putting vegetables on the plate? Nice peeled carrots cut into little sticks. Children need carrots for their little eyes! Americans have more important things to grab!

  119. 119.

    Enhanced Voting Techinques

    @Botsplainer:

    They’ll all intone paens to Patrick Henry (the biggest asshole Wingnut mouth of the entire revolutionary klatsch, a guy who never did much to bring about success). Fucker was way overrated in importance.

    Well you do have to admit Henry’s quote (and correct me if I am wrong) “Give me liberty or give me head” is quite eye catching.

  123. 123.

    Just One More Canuck

    @SiubhanDuinne: thanks for that- mom loved politics – she would have been fascinated by what’s been going on both up here in Canada and down there (she passed in 1999)

  124. 124.

    The Pale Scot

    @Pogonip:

    Just out of curiosity–if Trump wins, will any of you take up arms?

    That would only put Pence in, and that would be worse. The Tangerine Tyrant would be decreeing that everyone must wear their underwear on the outside before the year’s end. Pence knows how to get laws passed.

  126. 126.

    Chris

    Is there some kind of portable nuclear weapon launcher called “the Musket” that I’m not aware of? Because if not, the estimable Mr. Walsh would seem to be at a significant tactical disadvantage.

  127. 127.

    bowtiejack

    @EriktheRed:
    This douche nozzle did ONE term in the House and that’s all he’s done other than take some acting classes, teach some community college courses and be a perennial candidate for any open office he can find. I think he had some $6 million in dark PAC out-of-state money, outspent Duckworth 2/1 and she still kicked his ass!
    Remember when South Park had The Island of Misfit Mascots? They need something like that for this guy, Gingrich, Giuliani, Christie, and the whole GOP loser “deep bench” to be sent away and never bother us again.

  128. 128.

    celticdragonchick

    I happen to own an actual 2nd land Pattern Brown Bess musket. I also have the bayonet.

    I’ll meet Mr Walsh anywhere of his choosing if he wants to stage his little armed contretemps.

    I’ll win. I won’t even need to resort to either of my deer rifles.

    But then again, I also know perfectly well how to load and fire an 18th century flintlock weapon.

  129. 129.

    Cracker and toast

    Pfft haha. Yes everyone be scared. Because something something scary scary wingnuts. Go run and hide in your internet caves frightened little bunny rabbits.

    Every 4 years the same BS. From both sides. Ball Juice never learns from history either.

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