Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

“More of this”, i said to the dog.

This blog will pay for itself.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Bark louder, little dog.

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

The revolution will be supervised.

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

You are here: Home / Past Elections / Election 2016 / Don’t Freak Out

Reader Interactions

286Comments

  7. 7.

    Bobby Thomson

    Dude, listen to your headline. Florida’s a want, not a must have.

    And in any event, Broward has only reported early voting totals. Follow Benchmark.

  8. 8.

    Corner Stone

    America’s Wang is going to come home tonight, again. The D will reign supreme in the land of the Wang.

    Not, uhh, including Capt Steuben of course.

  9. 9.

    khead

    It’s not that close. The networks are dragging this shit out to sell ad time.

    Also, I just want to be sure I am on the record as being on the right side of this ass kicking.

  11. 11.

    Trentrunner

    Sam Stein just tweeted that Jill Stein has over 50K votes in Florida.

    If Clinton loses FL by <50K…

  21. 21.

    Corner Stone

    Trump has to run the fucking table *and* pick off MI, MN and some combo of NH, ME or NV.

  24. 24.

    some guy

    FL will go Blue fr Hill, but Marco the Weasel is most likely going back to the Senate.

    Ted Yoho is (most lkely) a loser tonight. John Mcaa: loser

  30. 30.

    Caravelle

    A Democratic Murphy person seems to be going to take a House seat in Florida. So it’s not all bad ?

  38. 38.

    Mary G

    Just put this in the dead thread, but it bears repeating. No-Drama-Obama posted a soothing Election Night video. The sun will rise in the morning and America will still be a great nation whatever happens. I’m sure going to miss him.

  43. 43.

    Trentrunner

    @Mary G: Thanks, but pretty sure America (and the world) will be royally fucked in ways we can’t even imagine now. So, no. Not calm.

  47. 47.

    guachi

    And it kinda sucks that three Democratic pick up opportunities have already been called. Still have PA, NC, and NH to go, though.

  55. 55.

    Mike J

    FBCSO Texas ‏@FBCSO 57 minutes ago
    Arrest: We can confirm 1 arrested for attempting to vote a second time. Claimed he worked for Trump and was testing the system.

  56. 56.

    PsiFighter37

    Goddammit Florida! Why are there so many fucking morons living there outside of the cities

  59. 59.

    Corner Stone

    “Political correctness imposed on them.”
    /Steve Schmidt

    Fuck you. They want to be out and out racist without any consequence. That is what PC victimization is.

  60. 60.

    humboldtblue

    I have people in Indiana and Florida whom I love deeply and dearly.

    But seriously, fuck those guys.

  63. 63.

    Patricia Kayden

    @Mike J: Lol! Another cheating Trump supporter. Perhaps Republican voters need more restrictions on their ability to vote.

  64. 64.

    amygdala

    Can someone talk me off the ledge for VA? Looks like Fairfax and Loudon are coming in faster than usual and HRC is still behind.

  65. 65.

    Mnemosyne

    @Mike J:

    I love the idiots who are convinced that if they just claim they were testing the system, it wasn’t a crime.

    Officer, you can’t take me to jail, I was only driving drunk to make sure your breathalyzer machine worked!

  66. 66.

    donnah

    It’s more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be. I honestly thought Trump would get thumped, and yet he’s above and holding. Please send me some good news, Giant Map!

  69. 69.

    janelle

    @some guy: Rubio has already been projected to win by all of the networks.

    We need three out of the following four senate races to retake control: NH, PA, WI, and MO.

    I’m feeling very good about Jason Kander’s odds in Missouri.

  79. 79.

    NR

    Hillary losing Florida and Ohio. Way closer in Virginia than it was supposed to be, and she still might lose there, too.

    Told you guys she was a horrible candidate. We’re fucked.

  81. 81.

    PsiFighter37

    @janelle: Based on how Bayh went down in flames, I think split-ticket voting is virtually extinct, unless you’re a Cuban Republican in Florida.

  82. 82.

    Keith G

    It’s going okay. We are not going to get the high octane charge to the finish that once seemed likely.

  84. 84.

    The Dangerman

    @donnah:

    I honestly thought Trump would get thumped…

    Me, too.

    ….and yet he’s above and holding.

    Using Pok_er terms, I think Trump has to hit runner runner but it is a little too close for comfort right now. This feels too fucking close to 2004 right now (which cost me dearly, I might add).

  85. 85.

    GrandJury

    Strangely, Frank Luntz twitter feed is the most reassuring info I have read so far. Hillary Prez and Dem control of Senate according to him.

  93. 93.

    Poopyman

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up drinking.

    Oh wait! I never did that.

    I’ll be back in a little bit ….

  94. 94.

    Patricia Kayden

    @janelle: Rubio was quite gracious to his opponent in his victory speech. I guess he has been quite humbled by his Presidential run. Still sad to see him win. Sigh.

  97. 97.

    Loneoak

    Hold a little prayer in your heart tonight for the staffer tasked with explaining the electoral college to Trump.

  98. 98.

    Dadadadadadada

    The Fox News gang (I suffer this so you don’t have to) sure is laughing a lot. Like they’ve given up and feel liberated by it.

  104. 104.

    Patricia Kayden

    @NR: I’m seeing she’s up in Ohio although it’s very close. Not sure what you’re seeing.

  105. 105.

    Dadadadadadada

    No worries, guys. High-population-density areas report last. And, according to a shocking study from NYT a few days ago, high population density correlates VERY strongly with Democratic leanings. HRC will close strong in FL and VA.

  109. 109.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    as people already asked, how can it take so long to count the votes in New Hampshire?

    and why do they even put anything up with “2% of the vote counted”?/ rhetorical, I know they have to keep talking

  110. 110.

    Cermet

    I seriously doubt Florida goes for Hillary but as all major paths for Hillary don’t have Fl, not critical. That does mean she MUST take CO, NV, and/or NH.

  112. 112.

    dr. bloor

    @GrandJury:

    Strangely, Frank Luntz twitter feed is the most reassuring info I have read so far. Hillary Prez and Dem control of Senate according to him.

    Oh, fuck. I suppose Kristol says the same.

  114. 114.

    guachi

    I remember in 2012 that Obama had a very late and very large surge in Virginia from Northern Virginia counties and Florida was tight until a late call for Obama.

  115. 115.

    David ?▶️?Blue Wall?▶️? Koch

    Frank Luntz ‏@FrankLuntz 2h2 hours ago

    Memo to Republicans and Republican pollsters: Tonight will look more like 2012 than 2004.

    0 replies 308 retweets 487 likes

    Frank Luntz ‏@FrankLuntz 2h2 hours ago

    In case I wasn’t clear enough from my previous tweets:

    Hillary Clinton will be the next President of the United States.

    0 replies 1,902 retweets 2,244 likes

  117. 117.

    shortribs

    @janelle:

    We need three out of the following four senate races to retake control: NH, PA, WI, and MO.

    Is that 50/50+Kaine control or 51/49 control?

  122. 122.

    Mnemosyne

    So here’s something interesting: clicking on the Politico map, the same number of votes separate Hillary and Trump in both Florida and Texas (about 200K).

    Obama lost Texas by about 800K.

    Huh.

  123. 123.

    NR

    @Dadadadadadada: Trump is up by over 100k votes. Not enough of Broward is still out to make that up. The Upshot’s statistical model is predicting Florida goes Trump.

  124. 124.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    @some guy:

    Who’s counting votes in those counties, two third graders and a hamster? Hurry the hell up and count, Florida!

  137. 137.

    Cermet

    Florida isn’t gonna go Hillary’s way; sigh. But what is going on in Virginia?! That has to fall Hillary’s way or else Hillary can lose this. What gives?

  140. 140.

    PsiFighter37

    Goddammit. We really did get lucky with Obama on the top of the ticket. We cannot turn out our voters reliably enough without him on the ticket, it’s starting to seem.

  142. 142.

    jl

    @JMG: Florida is not critical to HRC. But the whole picture is way too close for comfort.

    NYT has a real time forecaster, which has, so far, HRC projected to win with about 70 percent chance. Hope that continues to improve.

    Presidential Election Results
    http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/president

    Glad I have athletic activities planned most of the evening. Will keep my mind off the drama. When I’m done around 10 PM Pacific, I can take a stiff drink or two and tune in to see what’s happening. Good luck, everyone.

  146. 146.

    Lizzy L

    I loathe Frank Luntz. He’s a lying putz.

    I was going to save the Torpedo IPA to celebrate the win but I’m drinking it now. Fuck, I hate this.

  147. 147.

    OGLiberal

    @Cermet:Even though she doesn’t need it I never thought she’d lose Florida. Make me feel better about her maybe losing it. Mind you, I know she only needs 270 but want to believe my country is not as racist or sexist as it appears to be. This isn’t about gloating, this, is about having hope and faith for my country. A 272 win or something like that with as flawed a candidate as Trump is would be disheartening.

  148. 148.

    NotMax

    Am I overanalyzing or is a 50-50 split impossible in the Senate since Kaine has to relinquish his seat?

  151. 151.

    scott (the other one)

    @Skippy-san: “Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement.”

  153. 153.

    Splitting Image

    @Patricia Kayden:

    I’m seeing she’s up in Ohio although it’s very close. Not sure what you’re seeing.

    NR sees the world through rose-coloured glasses, which in his case makes all of the states look more Republican.

  166. 166.

    guachi

    Don’t know what’s up with the NYT forecaster but it has Trump with a >50% chance in North Carolina, Florida, Ohio, and Iowa.

  168. 168.

    WaterGirl

    I was gone for a few minutes, heating up dinner. Did something happen on the senate front? The Guardian’s split has changed but I don’t know what happened.

  169. 169.

    Ang

    @PsiFighter37: Goddammit Florida! Why are there so many fucking morons living there outside of the cities

    I used to live in Orlando. I can assure you that the idiots live in the cities as well.

  170. 170.

    jl

    @Baud: If only Baud! 2016! had taken off like it should have.

    Could have been you up there, sucking on a cold Bud, and a stogie, eyes wandering to follow the tracers, holding on to the victory lectern for dear life, making us BJers all proud.
    No mater that happens tonight, there was a missed opportunity for a really new type of pres.

  172. 172.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @Splitting Image:

    NR sees the world through rose-coloured glasses, which in his case makes all of the states look more Republican.

    FTW. Where would you like your internets delivered?

  175. 175.

    WaterGirl

    Martin Lnogman just now:

    9:00 pm– Florida looks very, very close and possibly headed to Trump’s column. It should be remembered, though, in case of a very close outcome that Obama continued to add to his small margin in the days after Election night four years ago. This isn’t unusual. Because of slow counting in California, for example, his eventual popular vote margin grew substantially in the weeks after his reelection. I hope the country won’t need to go through another Florida recount, but it won’t be too painful if it won’t change the outcome.

    Virginia is tighter than the Clintons would like, but I think it is going to tip their way. And, as expected, Ohio and North Carolina are very, very close.

    If we thought this election would tip decisively Clinton’s way, that hasn’t happened. What I think we’ll see at the end of the night is just how amazingly polarized the country has become based on education level and urban/suburban vs. exurban/rural.

  177. 177.

    guachi

    It’s like Clinton is underperforming everywhere according to the NYT.

    Are there any other actual forecasts and not tea leaf reading that show Clinton winning NC, FL, OH or IA?

  178. 178.

    Shalimar

    @NotMax: McAuliffe will appoint a temporary replacement for Kaine, and then there will be an election later in 2017 for the seat.

  179. 179.

    scav

    I’m pretty sure there was a quick look at the Guard that had either Kansas or Nebraska colored a light blue. I’m trying to imagine what combination of reporting units would result in that. Reporting is sooo weird. Don’t worry, it’s all flipped back to expected now, I just wondered how my brain spontaneously overindulged in alcohol I haven’t purchased.

  184. 184.

    RaflW

    Jebus. I go to an AA meeting and the country falls apart. I may have picked the wrong century to get sober.

  186. 186.

    OGLiberal

    @liberal: Gotta love American racism. F#$k the South. And don’t tell me that not all white folks in the South are bad. If you’re a good one, change it. I live in NJ…we already fixed it, at least at a presidential level…can’t explain Christie.

    Still think she wins FL. Actually, changing that to “hope”.

  192. 192.

    Another Scott

    @Omnes Omnibus: Sam Wang says there’s nothing to talk about until 10 PM EST. At least as far as the results go.

    How about them Cubbies, eh?

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  198. 198.

    BruceFromOhio

    @Lizzy L: Proseco is chilling. MrsFromOhio is napping in front of Downton Abbey, while I look for LOTR quotes. Time to break out the Matrix blu-Rays.

    @Another Scott:

    Sam Wang says there’s nothing to talk about until 10 PM EST. At least as far as the results go.

    This. Sheesh.

  199. 199.

    guachi

    All I see are numbers getting worse and worse for Clinton.

    I’ll honestly admit this is the first time I’ve been worried all night long.

  204. 204.

    RaflW

    I know exit polls are crap, but CNN has MN as a tossup. My anxiety meter is off the charts. We need some decent news ASAP.

    Tammy Duckworth is a plus, but ‘cmon! Where are the Dems…

  206. 206.

    D58826

    @NotMax: His replacement would be named by a Democratic governor. So until a special election was held Kaine would be the tie breaker in a a 50-50 split

  211. 211.

    Cermet

    Virginia is getting better but it is showing the race will be close and that is a bummer. Florida is most likely lost but I agree, not needed. Hillary can’t lose any Blue battle ground states or else the election will turn out bad. NC could be a fire wall if a blue chip is lost but that looks too close to count on. Not freaking out but a bit worried.

  213. 213.

    jl

    @Richard Mayhew:

    ” 500k still outstanding in Miami Dade and broward ”

    Will have to go 60 percent HRC to make up difference. Is that possible?

    Final note, wish there were a time stamp on front post updates, so we could see how long it took Cole to freak out.
    OK, off to martial arts. I can work out my anxiety with punches elbows and kicks. Good luck to us all.

  218. 218.

    GrandJury

    @BillinGlendaleCA: Now there is something to actually worry about. Where are all these Latinos who were gonna show up this time? They never showed up…as usual. Except maybe in California.

  220. 220.

    MJS

    In all seriousness, fuck this miserable racist country. Fuck those who vote for people like Trump. Fuck those who don’t vote. Even if Hillary pulls this out, it doesn’t matter. This should have been a stomping along the lines of Reagan-Mondale. I hate this disgusting hate filled hell-hole.

  221. 221.

    Ceci n'est pas mon nym

    Does this help? At the PA Dept of State website, with 5.6% in, Hillary is ahead 53-44%. And that’s mostly from the rural “Pennsyltucky” parts of the state I believe. At least it isn’t from the Philly area, except for Bucks County to the north.

    I think she’s going to be pretty solid in PA.

  225. 225.

    guachi

    This is looking awful. I can’t believe there is a really good chance Trump will be President.

  227. 227.

    Patricia Kayden

    @redshirt: Not fun at all, actually. Didn’t know so many of my fellow Americans are okay with a bigot as President. Scary as hell. It should not be this close.

  228. 228.

    cosima

    It is 2:15 here in the UK and I cannot go to bed (never mind sleep) until I know what has happened with FL. And I see that CO has gone from blue to pink, and that makes me more upset — that was the home of my heart in the US. God this effing election is insane!

  232. 232.

    JMG

    Gang, I’d like to be hopeful, but I think we lose. Also everyone else on the planet. Look out below on Wall Street tomorrow.

  234. 234.

    MuckJagger

    I’m still hopeful she’ll win — I stood in line for an hour and 15 minutes this morning to vote for her in a state where my vote won’t make a difference — but to be honest, I’ve had bad feelings about this for a while now. It was always a gut feeling, so there’s absolutely no scientific basis behind it, but I’ve been thinking that Trump was going to outperform his poll numbers.

    For whatever reason, right or wrong, Americans tend to vote the more exciting of the two candidates. Go back through Presidential elections over the years and I think you’ll see that that the theory is not insane, although
    “exciting” is obviously open to interpretation. And no matter how repulsive Trump and his handlers and some of his voters have been, he’s still the more exciting candidate.

    But I really, really hope I’m wrong here.

  235. 235.

    Steve in the ATL

    About to take off on a 3.5 hour flight. Going to skip in flight wifi and wait to hear that Hillary won when I land. Can’t handle all the back and forth right now!

  241. 241.

    The Dangerman

    Fuck, I was hoping for an early TKO, if not outright KO, so I could have a reasonable dinner out; now, it’s cold cereal and Tums (after my ~ 5 weeks on the road, haven’t stocked up on anything yet).

  243. 243.

    jl

    @GrandJury: Not really. He just reported NYT analysis that so far returns more GOP than expected. Wang is so skeptical of early returns, he is ignoring his tweet stream until 10 PM his time (whatever that is, I forget where he is).

    OK, I gotta tear myself away from this (so far) nail biter.

  247. 247.

    Timurid

    Holy fuck his percentage of the white vote must be up there at ‘backwoods Alabama’ levels.
    Fuck me.

  252. 252.

    Cermet

    Virginia is still small hands with just under 90% reporting!? Ugh, I am now officially worried.

  253. 253.

    Patricia Kayden

    @guachi: Huge nervous sigh. Trump did everything he could to let Americans know that he is a horrible stupid person and yet he may pull it off. Unbelievable.

  255. 255.

    Quinerly

    @Davey C:I had a pit in my stomach at 11:00 AM when I read a Politico story. Basically been sick since….then started drinking.

  256. 256.

    guachi

    I’m not sure how the NYT predicter thing works, but Clinton’s odds are crashing hard. Very hard.

  258. 258.

    What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?

    I am sweating bullets. This sucks. She’s losing ground all over. Hope it turns around but i’m beginning to lose hope.

  261. 261.

    albertZ

    I’m at Sam Wang’s site trying to comfort myself using the interactive map. I think the worse case scenario (with losing FL, OH, MI) is a 269-269 tie.

  266. 266.

    Mike J

    Dan Rather Verified account @DanRather
    The difference between “too close to call” and “too early to call” is the difference between looking for a Xanax and looking for a beer.

  267. 267.

    Ohio Mom

    I wasn’t totally worried until I watched that Obama speech where he is wearing a purple tie (I was an art major, I know symbolism when I see it) and telling me the sun will rise tomorrow. Makes me think he knows we are going to lose — why else would he be reassuring me? The Trump-humpers aren’t going to be assuaged by anything he says, this speech is directed at us.

    Have we been living in a Romney-sized bubble? That is a blow as well. I thought we were dispassionate realists.

    Now back to picking my cuticles in anxiety.

  268. 268.

    bemused

    @debit:

    I’m really fed up with Trumpanzees in MN. Too damn stupid to know a good thing living in our beautiful blue state. FFS we live next door to WI and they must be blind if they can’t see what’s happened to Wisc. Jesus.

  271. 271.

    Shalimar

    The NYT’s Presidential Forecaster has Trump winning 259 EVs, with Michigan’s 16 basically a toss-up right now.
    54% Clinton victory, which has been falling all night from the initial 80%.

  272. 272.

    different-church-lady

    @Ohio Mom:

    Have we been living in a Romney-sized bubble?

    If we have, it’s not because we chose it — it’s because nearly everyone was wrong in all their polling.

  274. 274.

    SenyorDave

    The scariest part of this is looking at how Trump does compared to Romney in any county that is blue collar at all. He’s blowing away Romney’s margins. I’m starting to think we are f’ed.

  276. 276.

    D58826

    from MSNBC Kassie Hunt:
    at 7pm all the pro’s felt it was a win for Hillary and the Senate to the democrats
    at 9;00pm all the pros are rethinking and wondering what a Trump administration will look like.

  277. 277.

    jk

    @MJS:

    This should have been a stomping along the lines of Reagan-Mondale.

    Agreed. Chalk it up to the media constantly pushing the false equivalence bullshit. With few exceptions, Trump was treated with kid gloves by our fourth estate. Obviously, there are a lot of dumb voters in this country, but I think Hillary would have performed better if the media had done their fucking job better.

  278. 278.

    SWMBO

    @dmsilev: I live in Broward. Took my son to dinner and passed the Civic Center. When we got done and we’re heading home, they were still loading voting machines into a box truck. This was about 9 pm. If they had a lot of late voters at the end, that could have slowed things down.

  279. 279.

    Cermet

    Virginia is make or break since NH is closer than anything; this isn’t funny. Are we, as a country that far gone? As a white male I am truly angry and disgusted with the brain dead ass wipes who also call themselves such; the media has been a major cause of that utter stupid ass white white males’ success to date. Damn them all to hell and I know there is no such place. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!

  283. 283.

    Cermet

    The Dow is reeling (futures); what the fuck is happening in Michigan!? So whites are that utterly stupid – this country has to stop these ass wipes. I am officially freaking – where the fuck is Cole to calm us? Need some good news people … .

  285. 285.

    Miss Bianca

    CO a mixed bag so far – Trump and Clinton running neck and neck, Bennet comfortably ahead, Amendment 69 (Colorado Care) looks to be getting crushed, but right to right-to-die meds looks like it might won. Strangely, the “end involuntary servitude” amendment is only running 50/50 – I figured that would be a runaway win.

  286. 286.

    AnotherBruce

    @GrandJury: I’m actually not sure there are enough Latinos. Remember that a lot of them were moving back to Mexico.And actually, I’m thinking of moving back there too.

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