I have’t been posting much, though I have been talking to several BJ people via email which is helpful. I don’t have a lot to say that someone hasn’t already said more eloquently. I am always grateful to hear commenter jacy’s thoughts, in many ways they have reflected my own. There is a need to be proactive and move through this and not despair. She posted a link on FB to a list of Pro-Women, Pro-Immigrant, Pro-Earth, Anti-Bigotry groups to support, that I bookmarked.
Today, she sent me an email and asked if I could share it with all of you. I said of course. Walking a tough road, as many of us have, gives us skills that can be used as we face this new challenge together. From jacy:
I’ve been here before. I’ve got my own personal Trump: an unbalanced, pathological narcissist who is capricious and concerned only with his immediate gratification, who has no understanding of how the real world works, no empathy for any other person, and who will always blame someone else for any problem or difficulty. And it’s unfair, but this person has an enduring measure of control over my life, at least for the next 6.5 years, when our youngest child turn 18. I can’t do anything about it, so I had to find a way to protect myself and my children from the damage that he will continue to inflict. Dealing with this sent me to the darkest place imaginable, where there were many, many days I had no hope, where I felt I could not stand one more moment of the pain and the anger and the uncertainty. And yet, here I am. I’ve had nearly 2.5 years of this already, and I’ve adapted. I sought help, and I stood up. You can too.
Here’s what you can do:1) Put your house in order. Get up, clean up, go to work, pay your bills. Take care of your health. If you are having difficulty, reach out. Go to therapy, join a support group, call a helpline. Take the projects you’ve been putting off and work on them. Improve your immediate situation or environment. Exert control wherever you can, because this will dispel feelings of helplessness.
2) Disengage. Avoid places (be it online or in real life) that make you feel bad or hopeless. There is a difference between being informed and being inundated with negativity. Do not become involved in pointless arguments. Minimize your contact with toxic people or situations. Time to cut ties that hurt you more than help you. Do not relitigate the past. Avoid the negative echo chamber – seeking out repeated confirmation of your fears or bad feelings on a constant basis will demoralize you, and will just re-traumatize you.3) Organize. Get yourself a notebook. Starting with your immediate level, make a political/societal contact list. That may start with your metro council, your municipal government, your school board. Expand upward to your state government and legislature. Your congress people, your senators. Federal level contacts. You should have a list of every elected official or government office that you can contact. Next, a list of organizations you want to support or influence. Keep this updated and add to it.
4) Inform yourself. Read and research. Avoid bad and apocryphal information, and don’t disseminate bad information. Get all the facts, and verify what you hear. Be prepared, and be accurate with what you present.
5) Agitate. Speak out whenever possible. Become comfortable with asserting yourself. Do not normalize unacceptable things. Do not be afraid to use strong words, if those words are accurate. Find the line you stand upon, and do not back down from it.
6) Make them pay a price. Bad things are coming – but even if you can’t stop every bad thing, you can increase its cost. Life is a negotiation, whether you like it or not. Everything anyone does has a cost – do what you can to make the cost of bad decisions, bad ideas, and bad policy as high as possible. Obstruct. Protest. Write letters. CALL PEOPLE AND DO NOT STOP CALLING. Call and make your feelings known. Call people out publicly. Expose bad behavior. Document racism, sexism, misogyny, bigotry, hate. BE LOUD.
7) Expand your comfort zone. Make it a point to engage people who need to be engaged, to become involved in your community at every single level. Reach out to people who are marginalized or in danger or hurt or frightened. Meet new people. Find others of your tribe, whatever tribe that may be, then expand your tribe. We are stronger in numbers.
8) Believe and hope. Do not let the fact that this is a brutal world full of terrible things blind you to the fact that every day is full of wonders, big and small. Celebrate the good, and do it publicly. Promote positive news and stories. Support people who are making a difference, no matter the size of that difference. Every act of kindness ripples out, and we never will know where those ripples end, or what small act will be the one that saves a life, that changes a life, that sets in motion some greater thing. None of us is helpless. NONE OF US.
9) Take the long view. The driving force behind evolution is pressure. Without adversity there is no innovation or adaptation. We’re bright little lights that burn for a short time, but the thing that makes us special is that we don’t give up, that we burn as bright and long as we can no matter what winds blow across us. In every period of history there have been terrible events, yet here we stand. Do not assume the worst – be open to the fact that we don’t know what’s going to happen, good or bad. We must be prepared to take every advantage that opens to us, and to hold the line until that advantage comes.
This is my favorite proverb, and it explains my philosophy in life as succinctly as is possible: “For every evil under the sun, there is a cure or there is none. If there is one, then find it. If there is none, then never mind it.”
Be well, know peace, and never, ever give up.
Let’s make this post one to discuss other positive action steps. I’d like to know if anyone has an opinion on this organization and what they are proposing: FairVote.Org Other than that, I’m still on a media blackout. You?
maurinsky
Jacy, may I share your excellent list with other people?
Mothra
Thanks for this. I am struggling with my worries and with my anger.
MomSense
Awesome, Jacy! Thank you
WaterGirl
Thank you for this, jacy. Now I am crying again.
jacy
@maurinsky:
Please do! We’re in this together.
rikyrah
Good list
hitchhiker
Just read a post from someone who was on a conference call with Obama today. The president is with us. He can’t do anything until he’s a private citizen, but it sounds like he AND MICHELLE are planning their moves.
Shared here b/c it cheered me unimaginably. Take heart!
Ajabu
Media blackout here also. It’s kind of weird. I always had MSNBC on as background noise before the election. Now, not at all. I’m much more relaxed if I refuse to acknowledge the existence of the Orange Scumbag. I’m just not ready to watch the MSM normalize the aberration. Looks like a good time to cut the cable entirely. But I’ll hang in here with you guys. You’re family.
And thanks Jacy!
gogol's wife
@hitchhiker:
That’s good to hear.
Mary G
Those thoughts are helpful. I’ve decided to be a bigger thorn in Darrell Issa’s side.
NotMax
Some major commercial tenants in NY Trump Tower to avoid supporting:
Gucci
Nike
Avon
CONCACAF
Names of more retailers/chains or organizations located there would be appreciated so the like-minded can deny them patronage and/or contact them.
Meanwhile, Trump Tower residents threaten to leave amid protests. (*
breaks out universe's tiniest violin
*)Iowa Old Lady
@Mary G: Didn’t he lose? What more do you have planned for him?
Emerald
@hitchhiker:
That’s the best news I’ve heard since the catastrophe hit. I never doubted it, but it’s nice to see it in print.
And I’m on a media blackout too. Not even Rachel. Can’t even bring myself to watch John Oliver. Missed the SNL cold opening with Hallelujah. It’s BJ and my Twitter folks, and the Pootie Diary on the GOS. Can’t take anything else.
Emerald
@Mary G: He is my congresscritter. Need any help?
No, Iowa Old Lady. He won.
mai naem mobile
I can’t stand to look at him or the odious family. I feel nauseous at least once daily. I just can’t wrap my head around somebody voting for this guy. This is like if you had John Kasich running against Flava Flav or whatever the fuck the name is of the guy with the big clock around his neck.I would possibly leave the POTUS space blank but Jeezus Christ I wouldn’t vote for Big Clock Guy.
Another Scott
Brilliant list, jacy. Thank you. Thanks for posting it, TaMara.
Stay strong and keep looking forward. Things will get better.
Thanks again.
Cheers,
Scott.
Anne Laurie
Thanks for this, Jacy — and Betty, too!
Couple more tips I’ve been stockpiling:
How to Become An Abortion Clinic Escort
If you can afford it, donate to one of the organizations that are now (even more) under siege:
Join the ACLU, give to Planned Parenthood, or the SPLC’s HateWatch arm.
If you feel capable of doing so, especially if you’re an apparently “harmless” white person, wear a safety pin. There’s rumors that the ‘alt-right’ neo-Nazis are trying to ‘steal’ this idea, but even if true, there’s value in “outing” those gutless parasites. Let them wonder, for once, if the white guy on the bus is really “a ally”, if it’s safe to sidle over and share some Pepe memes, or if they can risk harassing the woman in the headscarf without getting shown up as the ‘beta cucks’ they know themselves to be.
WaterGirl
@Mary G: That makes me smile.
Miss Bianca
Just had our Democratic Central Committee meeting for the county. Found myself speaking out a lot. I just had to push back against the “oh, we lost the white working class” and all the hand-wringing bs.
Thanks for the excellent insights, jacy.
Peeps, another thing you can do, which my very wise friend Michelle Nuijhuis suggested – pick four organizations – national, regional, local, what-have-you – that are doing that work of holding the line that Adam talked about. Just off the top of my head, I’ve got Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, the League of Women Voters, and Defenders of Wildlife. I’m sure all of you could come up with more. Donate money or time or both to the causes you are passionate about, and the organizations that support them, if you’re not already.
Wirklich wir leben in finsteren Zeiten, partially to paraphrase Bert Brecht, but we’ll have to commit to being the light for others.
ETA: Well, Anne Laurie beat me to it whilst I was writing. Rock on, AL!
Iowa Old Lady
@Emerald: The good news just keeps on coming.
Ohio Mom
Re: Number 1, Put your house in order, my new favorite Audre Lorde quote:
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint.
jacy
I am on media blackout, save for Balloon Juice and Facebook. And I heavily pruned Facebook over the course of several days. Facebook has been really illuminating to me: many people I know who are Republican and probably voted for Trump have evidenced great discomfort and shock. They haven’t been loud and whiny, but seem to be coming to a slow realization that this is a massive event, and that they didn’t really understand the ramifications. I’m trying very hard to maintain contact with people who I think can be reached and made allies. Others I wrote off, because the potential was not worth the pain. I learned over the past couple of years not to feel guilty about cutting loose people who harm my psyche.
dww44
I’m sharing this with my local Democratic party head who’s trying to get us all organizaed to start making a difference in 2018. Thanks, Jacy.
WaterGirl
I just came across the quote I had saved from the terribly sad but wonderful speech by Robert F. Kennedy announcing that Martin Luther King had been killed. Seems like this would be a good time to share it.
TaMara (HFG)
Well that gives me hope. To fix this we are going to need the halfway rational repubicans to be contrite and wiling to help undo this god awful mess they got everyone into.
Mary G
@Iowa Old Lady: No, he won:
Lead has gotten smaller as absentee ballots are counted, but probably not enough.
It was my neighbors here in South Orange County who put him over. North San Diego County went for the Democrat.
A couple of things I’m trying to remember when wanting to scream at people on the street. Orange County overall went for Hillary, the first time for a Democrat since FDR in 1936. Also too, we made him work for it. In 2012 he won 58.2% to 41.8% without campaigning at all. He and the RNC and the dark money spent a fortune on TV, bussed-in paid doorknocking, etc.
lamh36
@jacy: totally agree. I’ve pruned both my FB and my twitter.
The media blackout was easy…I don’t have cable here about my mom’s house, so I can’t watch cable news as easily as I used to.
On my Facebook and my twitter, I unfollowed or muted or blocked…of the the poltiical reporters and MSM journos who were some of the main culprits in the media…who never spoke out or even tried to vet or confront President Elect Cheetoh. The few journos Ieft like Joy Reid or Kurt Eichenwald were sounding the alarm from the beginning and unlike other MSM journos are NOT now attempting to normalizing the bigotry.
I also unfollowed or muted, folks I once considered “allies” who have since the election becomes either Bernie Bros redux, or complete jackasses…
My twitter and Facebook has been much better and easier to view daily.
jenn
There’s been several discussions in here about what we can do, but I didn’t know until Perfect Tommy just commented, that the 2016 election isn’t over yet. There’s an election in Louisiana on December 10, and Foster Campbell needs support. If he wins, the Senate will be 51-49. Campbell needs support of both money and phones/canvassing. His website is here: http://www.fostercampbell2016.com/
This is something helpful we can do! Let’s do it!
Jim, Foolish Literalist
WaterGirl
@jenn: I just gave $25 that I don’t really have. We should all be pushing this.
Frontpagers – can we make an Act Blue thingie for this guy? And can you put the link at the bottom of every thread?
WereBear
Great stuff, jacy. Glad you are with us.
NotMax
@jenn
Just for clarity’s sake, a Campbell win would result in a Senate composed of 51 (R), 47 (D), 2 (I).
Mary G
@Emerald: Planning a protest outside his office in Dana Point as we get closer to its inauguration. For Obamacare, Medicare, against whatever horrendous plans Paul Ryan has in the hopper.
jenn
@NotMax: You’re right, thanks!
Emerald
@Mary G:
I’m in Oceanside. It was clear that for the first time Issa was scared. This is the first time I’ve ever seen his signs by the side of the road, and a huge one on his building that used to house the Hooter’s Restaurant (such a nice addition to our neighborhood).
Didn’t know that our patch went for Applegate! And OC went for Hillary! Well, that’s something.
Emerald
@Mary G:
Let me know! I may not be able to come, but I’ll try!
WaterGirl
@NotMax: Who is the independent besides Bernie?
edit: and are both expected to caucus and vote with the democrats?
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman:
That sounds counterproductive.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@WaterGirl: Angus King, and usually
I think he bolted on the Mancin-TOomey gun bill
NotMax
@WaterGirl
Angus King of Maine.
Yes, expected to caucus with the Dems.
Mnemosyne
@Anne Laurie:
I wore a cardigan to work today, so I put a safety pin on both the cardigan and my shirt in case I needed to take the cardigan off.
They may have stolen the election, but they can’t steal my symbol of opposing them. Fuck them.
Another Scott
@efgoldman: Stay strong, efg. We need you here, too.
Best of luck.
Cheers,
Scott.
Mnemosyne
We’re watching “Cosmos.” It’s comforting to see that sanity exists.
Here’s my question: what can people in safely blue states do to help get Democrats elected in other places, other than donating money on request?
NotMax
@efgoldman
Shall make the supreme sacrifice of puffing an extra cigar and downing an additional martooni in your stead.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mnemosyne: I am watching The Sorrow and the Pity and trying to avoid the subtitles to test my Frog and Kraut. I do the same every time I see La Grand Illusion.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Mnemosyne: btw, I assume some sort of Hamiltoons bat signal went off and you know this, but your boyfriend LMM is on Marc Maron’s podcast today
NW Phil
@jenn: Great idea. I just donated $25 to Foster Campbell for Senate.
Mnemosyne
Bringing an idea down from up above: since we seem to have B-Jers in almost every state, we might be able to find Thanksgiving buddies for folks who can’t handle their families this year. (And Hanukkah and Christmas and New Year’s, too.)
Mnemosyne
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I know — my husband told me. He understands our love. ?
jacy
@Mnemosyne: I’m up for that.
opiejeanne
I added AARP to my list of groups I contribute to. They include: Planned Parenthood, ACLU, Electric Frontier Foundation. This last one is new to me, suggested by a friend who is deep into this stuff:
Article from EFF
Glidwrith
I’ve upped my donations to Planned Parenthood and ACLU. Jacy – I’ve printed your survival guide out and it is going on my wall. I was already building a little to-do list, but a folder of names and organizations is an excellent idea. Thank you for the reminder about Louisiana – throough $100 into the kitty for the Senate. Emerald and Mary G – I drive through the area and work in Oceanside every day and donated to Applegate. I am quite willing to be a thorn – off to work now.