Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

It’s time for the GOP to dust off that post-2012 autopsy, completely ignore it, and light the party on fire again.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Consistently wrong since 2002

Let there be snark.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

I was promised a recession.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

T R E 4 5 O N

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

You cannot shame the shameless.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

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Monday Afternoon Open Thread

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Here’s an intriguing photo from reader “cope” featuring a waterspout on the edge of a squall:

waterspout

Continuing the rain theme: I pulled a great hoax on my husband earlier today. A while back, he attempted to replace the shower head in the master bathroom with a fancy new “rain” model. But when he was unscrewing the old fixture, the connector that attached it to the water pipe sheared off behind the tile wall.

The mister experimented with various ways to remove the broken connector in his spare time. Meanwhile, we were forced to take showers in the other bathroom, which is a tub enclosure rather than a shower stall.

I just hate tubs — I had never used that shower in the 12 years we’ve lived here until this plumbing crisis for that reason — so I was all for calling a plumber right away. The mister thought he could save a few bucks by figuring it out himself…when he had time to fool with it. His big fear was the plumber would have to knock down part of the tile wall to get at the problem, which would be an expensive mess to fix on top of the plumbing bill.

Long story not quite as interminably long, he finally gave up and agreed on the need for a professional, but did so the day before Thanksgiving. So I had to wait until today to call a plumber, who showed up within half an hour and fixed the pipe in a jiff (without wall damage) for an extremely reasonable fee — all while my husband was out.

Instead of telling my husband about this marvelous jewel of a plumber, I told him I had figured out how to fix the pipe. I told him I’d used pliers to reach through the hole and pull the pipe forward, sawed off the broken connector without damaging the threads and installed the new connector and shower head. And he believed me!

We’ve been married for 20 years and do not lie to each other about important things (e.g., money, birth control, etc.), but we do occasionally make up fantastic stories to see how gullible the other person is. Actually, he is much more prone to do that than I am, so much so that my first reaction is to disbelieve him when he tells an outlandish tale. He’s actually got quite a talent for making up plausible-sounding explanations for scientific phenomena, historical events, etc., inventing things out of whole cloth, right on the spot.

So I was very proud of my ability to pull off the plumbing hoax with a straight face, for the five minutes or so I was able to maintain the illusion without laughing at his astonishment. He’ll try to get back at me somehow, but I will be ready. Anyhoo, open thread!

Reader Interactions

78Comments

  3. 3.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    Genius! I’m going to tell my husband I’ve been bigamously married to Chris Hemsworth all this time and our marriage is illegal. Pretty sure I can pull it off.

  4. 4.

    Mustang Bobby

    [Shameless self-promotion alert] My play “All Together Now” won first place in The Playgroup LLC of South Florida Full Length Play contest.

    It is my first win of any sort and it even comes with a cash prize. Stay tuned for further details, including a planned production next year.

  9. 9.

    The Moar You Know

    Same thing happened to me at my FIL’s house, he asked me if I could get the old shower head out. It was frozen and snapped off inside the brass fixture. A couple thousand dollars later in tile/wall repair did the trick.

    Got a bunch of those time bombs in my own house and I just flat-out don’t want to deal with them.

  12. 12.

    ArchTeryx

    Reposted from dead thread to schrodinger’s cat:

    It was (some of) the Russian politicians [in Red Storm Rising] who were evil. They started the war based on a false-flag attack they set up after a major terrorist incident (sound familiar)? When the war started going badly for them, their first response was to put nukes on the table to maintain their own power. Not all politicians are bad, but bad politicians are bad the world over.

  15. 15.

    MisterForkbeard

    Gonna take advantage of the open thread and shill for a friend for a minute.

    A bit of background: my friend Bronwyn has had a really rough year: tough surgery, lost her boyfriend, lost her job. She’s having a very tough time (as are we all) with the Trump win. And yet she wrote a really fantastic book about her experiences teaching disadvantaged kids in Oakland, including things like having to call Child Protective Services, the cops, and visiting your students in jail. It’s balanced by the really amazing performances and perseverance these kids have. It’s heartbreaking and really inspiring at the same time. She also hasn’t even broken even on the book yet.

    If anyone’s looking for an interesting book on what it’s like to teach in our modern school system, this is right up your alley. Please take a look: https://www.amazon.com/Literally-Unbelievable-Stories-Oakland-Classroom/dp/1535582553/

  16. 16.

    low-tech cyclist

    He’s actually got quite a talent for making up plausible-sounding explanations for scientific phenomena, historical events, etc., inventing things out of whole cloth, right on the spot.

    Sounds like Male Answer Syndrome!

  19. 19.

    Schlemazel

    As for weather phenomena, we had a hail storm out here on the edge of the prairie . . . on November 28th. That is pretty far from normal.

  20. 20.

    Poopyman

    @Mustang Bobby:

    His revenge will be making you do all the household repairs from now on.

    Mrs. P would seize on that as an opportunity to call in the pros to circumvent my inevitable “I can do that” and adding it to the round tuit file, which drives her nuts.

    Editing to add: Congratulations!

  26. 26.

    currants

    Great story–thanks for the laugh, Betty. Sounds like you went to MSU! (Making Shit Up)

    Mustang Bobby–congratulations!

  29. 29.

    Brachiator

    So I was very proud of my ability to pull off the plumbing hoax with a straight face, for the five minutes or so I was able to maintain the illusion without laughing at his astonishment.

    Very well played!

  32. 32.

    geg6

    My John has the same talent your husband has. I never believe any of his stories right up front and have learned to demand evidence for most of his far-fetched fantasies.

    The coal miner thread is dead, but I just want to say that, at least here in Bum-fucked Beaver County, PA, the Trumpsters are absolutely, positively convinced that the steel mills that died in the 1980s and were torn down in the 1990s are definitely coming back because Trump said so. They aren’t cynics and voted for Trump even though they know the steel mills won’t be coming back. They believe he is going to bring back the steel industry that our fathers labored in all throughout our youth. No matter how many times my John and I keep saying that it isn’t possible, they say that Trump will do it and the only reason it hasn’t been done over the years is that liberals were conspiring to kill the steel industry and keep it dead. When asked what would our motivation for that be, they tell me it’s all a part of the global warming conspiracy and I should know about it because Penn State (where Michael Mann and I are both employed) is the ground zero of the conspiracy.

    And yes, some of these people went to Penn State and some of them send their kids here. I don’t pretend to understand these idiots. I grew up with them and was raised in a family that actually had less money than any of them, simply by virtue of my parents having 6 kids. You would think I would have a clue where they get this shit. But I don’t. I can’t relate to them at all. It’s like either I or they landed here from outer space and we don’t think or speak the same language.

  33. 33.

    hovercraft

    Clinton Is Playing With Fire By Backing a Recount in Wisconsin
    Eric Pianin,The Fiscal Times

    “Hillary Clinton conceded the election when she called me just prior to the victory speech and after the results were in,” Trump said in one of a flurry of angry tweets early Sunday. “Nothing will change.”

    The Trump team bitterly complained that the recount would be a colossal waste of time and money and serve as a distraction from the president-elect’s efforts to assemble a new cabinet and administration that would carry out his agenda and help reunite a sorely divided country.

    More ominously, Trump’s campaign manager and senior adviser, Kellyanne Conway, hinted that Trump might be having second thoughts about abandoning a campaign pledge to call for a special prosecutor to investigate Clinton’s mishandling of State Department emails and the questionable fundraising activities of her family’s global foundation…..

    “Hillary Clinton conceded the election when she called me just prior to the victory speech and after the results were in,” Trump said in one of a flurry of angry tweets early Sunday. “Nothing will change.”

    Reince Priebus, the Republican National Committee chair and newly appointed chief of staff to Trump, fumed during an appearance on “Fox News Sunday” that the recount was a “ridiculous” fund-raising fraud” perpetrated by a Green Party nominee. He noted that Stein won only 33,000 votes in Wisconsin, compared to Trump’s 1.4 million votes in the state…..

    Threatening your defeated opponent for exercising her rights under the law with jail time, is a strange way to reunite a sorely divided country. Also too sending out bitter tweets. Just Sayin’.

  34. 34.

    Ruckus

    Betty Cracker
    Sounds a lot like my ex. Great girl, seemed rather quiet and reserved when you meet her. Ha! Gotcha! One of the best practical jokers around. I think her personality allowed her to get away with such antics. Best one she pulled on me was my birthday always fell on an event weekend at a great get away area. So one yr she got all the people I worked with at the event to show up for a dinner party at a local restaurant. She had told me we were going to a quiet dinner. And she had hired a stripper to give me a lap dance as a present. She never did things half way I’ll say that. Wonderful girl.

  36. 36.

    geg6

    @hovercraft:

    I say let’s do it. If only because the Hair Fuhrer seems to go ballistic over the whole idea.

    There is nothing to lose by having it. At least, not on my side there isn’t.

  43. 43.

    JPL

    @Mustang Bobby: Congrats!

    In weather news, rain is suppose to move through the area after midnight. It’s a miracle. The Atlanta airport reported rain in mid October, but since I live north, it skipped me. I’m not even sure, when the last time it rained here.

  44. 44.

    Pogonip

    In a close election I think it is perfectly reasonable to request a recount, and we ought to have public funds to be used for that purpose.

  46. 46.

    WereBear

    @geg6: When you live in an imaginary land, anything is possible.

    Just, you know, not in reality.

    Me, I like actually having something on this corporeal plane. Maybe that’s just me…

  50. 50.

    liberal

    From Cole’s post below:

    I guarantee this woman drives an SUV without using turn signals.

    That’s LOL funny.

  54. 54.

    Mary G

    @Mustang Bobby: Go Mustang Bobby! That’s awesome.

    We have had 4.92 inches of rain in the last 2 weeks here in so. Orange County, CA, which is twice the last year’s total. It’s freakish, but I’ll take it. All the plants look so happy.

  56. 56.

    geg6

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    As a distraction from what? I don’t get this at all. Bernie Sanders and his stupid book and “revolution” are distractions. Hell, Jill Stein has done more with this recount stuff than Bernie ever has on anything that I’ve seen out of him over the years. And it has That Man going insane, a state we should keep wanting to promote. What’s the problem here?

  58. 58.

    Roger Moore

    @hovercraft:

    Clinton Is Playing With Fire By Backing a Recount in Wisconsin

    Except, of course, she isn’t “backing” the recount. Since one is going to happen no matter what she does, she wants to have people from her team participate. That is different from backing the thing.

  60. 60.

    dww44

    @Ruckus: One of the primary reasons I support the Stein recount effort is because I view it as a necessary step to examining the race in such an anomalous election as this one. Plus, if it has the apparent effect of getting under Trump’s skin and irritating others, then it’s all good. I just don’t buy that we are hurting ourselves more than if we had done nothing. I’m sick of rolling over and playing dead. We did that in 2000. That was one time too many.

  64. 64.

    Hungry Joe

    Growing up, my little sister learned never to believe a word I said to her unless it was about something serious. I lied to her about everything else — just made up the most outrageous stuff I could think of. Now, as an adult, she’s rarely fooled by anyone about anything. I take credit for preparing her for life.

  66. 66.

    Hungry Joe

    @Patricia Kayden: Correct. In fact, she recently joined a NorCal chapter of SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice). I’m active in the San Diego Chapter. It’s a solid, active, get-out-there-and-take-no-crap organization.

  67. 67.

    opiejeanne

    Beautiful photo, Betty.

    So, I’m pretty well doped up today still, because the aftermath of the appendectomy on Wednesday still hurts. So I’m sleeping it off and it’s noon, and the phone rings; blocked number. I answer anyway and it’s some group called 21st Century Democrats. The spiel was super-aggressive about how we have to fight and continue to fight because if we just mope etc, etc. I stopped her and let her know that yes, I am a Democrat and yes, I will continue to volunteer, etc but that right now I was busy napping because of the painkillers and was too groggy to stay on the phone. She empathized for about 2 seconds, her mom had just had gall bladder surgery two weeks prior and took a deep breath AND LAUNCHED BACK INTO HER SPIEL ABOUT FIGHTING THE RIGHT BLAH BLAH BLAH DON’T MOPE, FIGHT BACK ACT [email protected]#[email protected]%% AAARGH! Her rant about helping to elect candidates specifically mentioned PROGRESSIVE Democrats, but the ones she named were Senator Patty Murray and Kamala Harris, two candidates that needed precious little extra help from her organization since they were from Washington and California.
    I finally cut in again and sobbed emotionally that I just couldn’t handle it right now, and hung up on her.
    Then I dug around online because I don’t know this group, and what I found didn’t exactly endear them to me.
    Info here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/21st_Century_Democrats
    They’ve been accused of sitting on money they’ve raised, but not using that money to support candidates, just creation of more PACs. There is a connection with something called Landmark Education, and this is worth a read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landmark_Worldwide

  70. 70.

    trollhattan

    @opiejeanne:
    Sorry about the appendectomy–get better soon!

    The est tie-in is hilarious and a little creepy, especially now that we’re getting The Department of Education–sponsored by Amway ™. Which also reminds me how much I miss “The Americans” and how it’s going to seem all the more ironic in its Reagan years retelling.

  71. 71.

    NotMax

    @JPL

    What Major⁴ said.

    BTW, there’s a massive sale on Wow (everything except the very latest expansion, which applies to characters after they reach level 100). Note that WoW does require an ongoing subscription to continue playing.

  73. 73.

    opiejeanne

    @trollhattan: Yeah, the EST tie-in brought me up short and I remembered why the caller reminded me of every asshole I met who came out of that program or Esalen.

  74. 74.

    Mustang Bobby

    Thanks, everyone, for the kind words and wishes. I’ll let you know when the production goes. Preliminary plans are for it to be at a theatre in Boca Raton kicking off their 2017-2018 season, so I’m guessing a year from now (which is 20 minutes in play production). I can’t release the name of the theatre until they make it official; I’ve been burned on that before. Anyway, thanks again.

  75. 75.

    quakerinabasement

    Tell him about the deep diving ducks of the Amazon. That’s a favorite tale among my people. Nothing specific. Just make stuff up.

  76. 76.

    Ruckus

    @opiejeanne:
    First, hope you recover soon from the appie. Can not believe any surgery is fun. The ones I’ve endured sure haven’t been.
    Second, I give no quarter to calls that try to hard sell, berate or guilt me, no matter the subject. Mom was good at that guilt thing, by just never letting go. Sooner or later you gave in just for a little peace and quiet. People that call me and give me any shit get it back but even stronger. My use of language that offends is second to none so I tell them what and why nicely and then lay it on. The object is to have them hang up as soon as possible and to never call back. If I just hang up I usually get them calling back. I don’t want that. They will hang up if you just give them shit but I’ve had repeated call backs from assholes when I do that. I also will file a complaint with the FCC about harassing phone calls. That doesn’t always work because a lot of people us dialers that block the actual number. I don’t normally call for violence but people who do that should be something-something-something……..

  77. 77.

    J R in WV

    M. Bobby, congratulations~! Great news, hope I don’t miss the notice of the actual date/time/place of the production… maybe we can combine visiting S Florida, Cuba, play watching culture, and waterspout watching.

    While we lived in Key West and I was in the USN, there came a few times when I had time to look from my ship out west into the tiny keys beyond the overseas highway. At the right time of year, we would see a lot of water spouts around the thunder squalls out over the tiny islands west of Key West.

    I’ve seen as many as 2 or 3 from a single storm, out in the shallows of the lesser keys. (I made that up, I don’t know if there’s a name for those tiny islands.) Once one came right into the harbor, ran up onto the shore, and dropped many, many gallons of water and a few sea creatures right on the docks. Amazeballs!!

    The Keys are great, a huge shame they’ll be submerged in the lifetime of people alive today. A shame Key West isn’t like it was in the 70s today, after visiting a couple of years ago, I can say with authority that it was better then than it is now. Lots. I could go on about the differences, but will refrain from annoying folks about the good old days.

    At least the feral chickens still roam the outdoor restaurants!

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