Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

It could be worse. Vance could have said “post-menopausal sows.” Waiting for that audiotape to surface.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

When we show up, we win.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Trump’s legal defense is going to be a dumpster fire inside a clown car on a derailing train.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Bark louder, little dog.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

People are weird.

Let’s finish the job.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

A consequence of cucumbers

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158Comments

  1. 1.

    Peale

    House poor. Happens to most people when they move. House poor for a few years, at the beginning, then again 15 years later when everything that you did starts breaking down.

  4. 4.

    The Moar You Know

    I am tired of being broke and paying for this house

    -AKA The Homeowner’s Prayer

    I fucking swear it never ends. But you have to.

  5. 5.

    cmorenc

    @John Cole:

    I am tired of being broke and paying for this house.

    Just be grateful it isn’t a boat that you bought instead of a house. A boat is a hole into which you put all your money, and your two happiest days with a boat are the day you bought it and the day you sold it.

  6. 6.

    Smitty

    It looks like a great house to me. Bright, good layout. Once it becomes a home the pains of house restoration fade. Soldier on!

  7. 7.

    mai naem mobile

    Well,dude it would help if you weren’t making two housing payments.
    I saw an ad for Chip and Joanna Gaines. Don’t really care that their megachurch pastor is a big time homophobe because they’re in Waco and they talk enough religious shit on their show that I wasn’t surprised. But, I’ve never cared for their style. It just looks hicktown country/trailer trash and cheap looking.

  12. 12.

    Yutsano

    This is why I never want to own a house. Even if I could afford the payments the fucking maintenance is killer.

    Apparently Spectrum is down in my area. But I will be in Seattle next month for a couple days.

  15. 15.

    Adam L Silverman

    @cmorenc: Owning a boat is like standing in the shower in your clothes with the water on full cold while flushing $100 bills down the toilet.

  19. 19.

    RaflW

    So 5 years ago I bought a new place, a condo that had been owned by a little old lady. Kitchen was a total disaster, other parts of the unit needed quite a bit of attention. But so did the house I was living in that I would need to sell.

    I took out an equity loan on the house, remodeled the kitchen on the new place and did the updates, moved all my stuff and half my furniture (leaving the nice pieces for show), then remodeled the kitchen in the old place, then staged it and put it up for sale, while living with the crappy 1/2 of my furniture in my new (now with nice kitchen, at least!) place.

    Somewhere along the way I hit the I am tired of being broke and paying for this house. I’ll add this to the list of shit that is pissing me off in 2011 wall.

    Five years later I can see that I was crazy. But five years later I can also say it was worth it. I like my life in the new place so much better, and I sold the old place to some great people and made money even in the crappy and uncertain market back then.

    Hang in there, John. Later you’ll find it was worth it, I’m sure.

  21. 21.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Yutsano: Its been screwy here too. Not down, just doing strange things. Like when you turn it on, you’re either in On Demand or Showtime non HD.

  22. 22.

    laura

    Nobody tells you about home owership before you buy.
    But when much of the work is done, and you move in, and Steve and perros find new, exciting spaces, and you stop with the double payments, you’ll still be poor. But you’ll be poor in your own home. And that’s more than most can dream of.
    Hang in there, it gets better.

  23. 23.

    Mnemosyne

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    For some reason, I am now wondering if the ocelot in “Archer” is a tribute to Bringing Up Baby.

    Nonetheless, I just don’t like it. It’s too episodic, and Hepburn is such a ditz that she just irritates me.

  24. 24.

    CaseyL

    Think how wealthy you’ll feel when it’s all done and you’re no longer throwing buckets of money at every contractor who walks by. Not to mention no longer paying for two residences.

    Also – the new place will be amazing, judging from the photos you’ve shared with us.

    I’d be readier to see the door hit 2016 on its way out if I didn’t have a sinking feeling 2017 will be even worse. What’s strange is that, knock wood, my life in and of itself is just fine, thanks; the angst and anger are all political.

  26. 26.

    frosty

    @Peale:

    …then again 15 years later when everything that you did starts breaking down.

    LOL exactly!! In January it will be 14 years since we moved in and we’re back to fixing walls and ceilings and repainting this now 94 year old house. It’s amazin’ the changes that happen when you raise 2 teenage boys. Airsoft BBs embedded in the plaster?

  28. 28.

    frosty

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Owning a boat is like standing in the shower in your clothes with the water on full cold while flushing $100 bills down the toilet.

    I think that was Bill Buckley’s description of ocean racing, too, although it might have been thousand dollar bills. Interestingly, when you read between the lines in his sailing adventures he had a crew to do most of the work and he took the wheel for occasional shifts.

  30. 30.

    NotMax

    Well, it was more or less an impulse buy, and previous owner apparently took as good care of the house as he did of Walter.

  31. 31.

    Sam Dobermann

    I am tired of being broke and paying for this house. I’ll add this to the list of shit that is pissing me off in 2016.

    Been here in this house since 2004. Shit still happening. I want out but first I need to thin out my stuff. It keeps multiplying behind my back yet I still have only one sock of a pair times about 10. If socks can disappear why not other stuff?

    By the way, when CBS Nightly News reported on the shoot up at the DC Pizza house they reported that the fake news was heavily promulgated by the son of that _ _ _ _ _ _ General Flinn, our new Security Chief who also said at that time that Clinton was about to be arrested. CBS did an excellent job. BBC and PBS didn’t.

  35. 35.

    Lyrebird

    At the moment I could describe getting a house as an expensive indulgence, bowing too far to my dislike of leaf-blowers and the former neighbors & property owners wielding them. RAKES rakes it is all about RAKES! Except that 1. getting a house with a livable basement was a good move before my little one took over my life and 2. sure maybe we have some quality time raking now and again, but the last deposit of leaves from oak & maple just got removed by two windstorms ,bc i did nothing.

    I liked our drought (in PA east of John’s neighborhood) bc the grass stopped growing for a while.

    So maybe if and when I get a new job for next fall, I should just jolly well rent.

    I know this new nest is gonna be great for JGC though.

  53. 53.

    frosty

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Just something I remember someone saying once.

    At least once by every sailor I know who had something too big for a trailer and daysailing. Once you get a motor you need the 100s and once you get a head you have a place to flush them!

  66. 66.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I would have to watch the episode again, but technically it may not be a cold opening, or at least no more of one than every other episode of “Archer.” But I haven’t done TV crit in a while.

    I wrote a scene yesterday — I did end up going with an Unexpected Aunt as the most functional character for that part of the book, and she’s a hoot to write, too.

    I think I’m going to set myself a daily writing goal of 250 words going forward. It’s small enough that I should be able to reach it (and probably more) every day, and what’s the point of setting oneself up for failure? Plus I really need to get into a daily writing habit, so it’s better to have a small, easy to reach goal than have one that’s so big that I get frustrated and quit.

  68. 68.

    seaboogie

    Cole – 26 more days of 2016 to put up with….or 46 more days of Obama as President, depending on your outlook. In 47 days we’ll have a dessicated narcissistic sociopath with the worst, most regressive cabinet in history as the leader of the free world. Consider savoring what remains of 2016…

  70. 70.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Mnemosyne:

    I have not. I am WAY behind in my viewing of current movies, sadly.

    I’m way ahead, by virtue of flying cross country ever week for the last couple of months. I’ve also read more novels than I can remember. And I still have only gold status on delta this year. All those damn short haul flights to Detroit ruined my life!

  72. 72.

    seaboogie

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I’ve read six novels in the past two weeks.

    Any good ones to recommend? Something not overly angsty? Trying to avoid news, and filter what my psyche absorbs. Mostly watching Anthony Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown” on Netflix.

  75. 75.

    Amir Khalid

    I’m having an allergic reaction to something I ate yesterday, I’m not sure what..Itching like crazy all over, Tongue slightly swollen. At least the swelling around my lips is going down. Feh.

  76. 76.

    seaboogie

    @efgoldman:

    if you weren’t soft as puppy shit

    I’m stealing that. Also, no Cole house news thread would be complete without descriptions of canine excreta. {{{Waves to debit and Walter}}}

  79. 79.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Because I have specific goals for myself in 2017 — like the writers’ conference I’m going to in March — I invested in a Passion Planner for 2017 since, in the past, I’ve usually done better with a paper planner. Right now, I’m punching out various printable stickers I bought on Etsy so I can reward myself like a 5-year-old. Because nobody wants their inner writer to be too mature and adult for stickers.

  80. 80.

    lamh36

    John are u gonna be renting rooms shoot, i’m so tired of living with my mama right now Id move to West Virginia…

    no wait…scratch that never mind ???

  88. 88.

    Mnemosyne

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I just bought myself a piece of wall art that says, “Writer’s Block: When your imaginary friends stop talking to you.”

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I always make them give me two “I Voted” stickers — one to wear out the door and one to place later. One of my bicycle purses has a couple of them on it.

  91. 91.

    seaboogie

    @Major Major Major Major: Haven’t done murder mysteries in a while, but could probably use some of that if it’s not too dark, bleak or bloody.

    I enjoy Americana and Canadiana novels, esp. Kent Haruf and Richard Russo – where you get to know the characters and the community. I have John Irving’s (one of my favorite authors) “Avenue of Mysteries” here, and can’t seem to get started on that.

    Something meaty and beautifully written, that I’ll savor and miss when I’ve finished reading it. Also, a pony.

  92. 92.

    Mnemosyne

    G loves to watch this podcast movie review show out of Wisconsin called “Half in the Bag,” where they drink beer and talk about movies. One of the guys on it has a laugh so penatrating that I can hear it from two rooms away. Oy.

  93. 93.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Mnemosyne: I have a cow centerpiece on my dining table. Most of the cows have an “I voted” sticker. I am from WI, don’t judge me. California does a thing about cheese. Really?

  96. 96.

    lamh36

    Lordt…my mom stays up ALL night on the cell phone with her gossipy azz friend from Ohio until she falls asleep…

    is is disrespectful to say “shut up mom” in her own house???. I feel like it might be??

    anyhoo i gotta try to get some sleep while i’m not coughing up a lung, i’ve been sick with cold and coughing for over a week, so much coughing I’ve lost my voice…so i try to catch sleep when i can.

    Good night!

  100. 100.

    seaboogie

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I have taste and priorities .

    I have a cow centerpiece on my dining table. Most of the cows have an “I voted” sticker.

    “Taste” does not compute. “Priorities” does.

  102. 102.

    Temporarily Max McGee (Until Death!)

    @Mnemosyne:

    It’s very, very good harder sci-fi. I’m not going to say much more than steer clear of spoilers.

  106. 106.

    seaboogie

    I bet he has one of those foam cheese-heads in a closet somewhere…and I’m sure it looks tres elegant over the Brideshead ‘do….

  107. 107.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Peale:

    House poor.

    Wait — isn’t John “house rich”? Isn’t it “house rich, cash poor” (lots of house, no money) vs. “cash rich, house poor” (lots of money, no house)?

  110. 110.

    NotMax

    @seaboogie

    Just to avoid possible confusion, was referring to the TV series (2 seasons). Believe there’s also a movie (unrelated) with the same name on the ‘flix.

  112. 112.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    We live within walking distance of a famous horror bookstore called Dark Delicacies. It always amuses me that they carry supernatural romances as well — I guess vampires, werewolves, witches, and ghosts are cross-genre, even when there’s a guaranteed happy ending.

  113. 113.

    CaseyL

    @Major Major Major Major: I haven’t been there in years – and when I was last there, they didn’t carry scifi. If they do now, another visit may be in order! I love both genres – most of my fiction reading is one or the other. But my go-to bookstore since I no longer work downtown is Third Place Books up in Lake Forest Park.

  116. 116.

    joel hanes

    @seaboogie:

    Americana and Canadiana novels …
    Something meaty and beautifully written, that I’ll savor and miss when I’ve finished reading it

    _Fifth_Business_, Robertson Davies
    _My_Antonia_, Will Cather
    _Angle_Of_Repose_, Wallace Stegner

    you might well try
    _The_Solitudes_, John Crowley (originally published as _Aegypt_)
    but that’s kind of a flyer.

  117. 117.

    seaboogie

    @Mnemosyne: Lay it on me sister – I am in escape mode, and will entertain all well-written comers. Don’t like Sci-Fi or Fantasy though –

  118. 118.

    Davebo

    Trying to get ready for Christmas and a trip to Scotland on the twelfth night with my girl and finding my budget seriously stressed.

    Need inexpensive gift ideas, 12 of them.

  119. 119.

    seaboogie

    @joel hanes: Thank you, Joel. Tried to print off the list, but my printer didn’t want to work (as they are wont to do), so I took a pic of your post with my iphone. Cannot imagine any of the authors on your list could have imagined such a solution.

  120. 120.

    jk

    NY Times Public Editor appears on Tucker Carlson’s show and throws NY Times reporters under the bus for their tweets about Trump

    Journalists from all corners of the internet turned to Twitter on Monday evening to slam New York Times public editor Liz Spayd for calling certain tweets authored by Times journalists during the campaign “outrageous,” with some even calling for her to submit her resignation.

    “I do think that when people go over the line like that, and I think some of those are over the line, that there ought to be some kind of consequence for that,” Spayd told Fox News on Friday, in reference to tweets published by Times journalists that were critical of President-elect Donald Trump.

    h/t http://www.businessinsider.com/liz-spayd-public-editor-nyt-tweets-trump-2016-12

  122. 122.

    reality-based (the original, not the troll)

    @seaboogie:

    well, I love Kent haruf too – that was gonna be my recommendation, I press “Plainsong” on everyone I meet –

    Since you love Haruf – – have you read “animal dreams”, an early Barbara Kingsolver? (and i think, the best)

    also – just trowing this out – “The Girl with the dragon tattoo” and the sequels? Great escapism, plus memorable characters.

  123. 123.

    NotMax

    @seaboogie

    History/mystery: Any of the Cadfael books. Also too, Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose.

    Americana/Canadiana revolutionary period history novel: Arundel by Kenneth Roberts

    Can’t put it down American history: Undaunted Courage: Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson, and the Opening of the American West by Stephen Ambrose

  124. 124.

    seaboogie

    BTW, for any of you all into murder mysteries, there is a great website listing all titles chronologically by any author in the genre – it’s called “Stop, You’re Killing Me”.

  126. 126.

    seaboogie

    @reality-based (the original, not the troll): Plainsong is one of the loveliest novels I’ve ever read, re-read and also gifted to others. The sequel “Eventide” is good too. I have not read Animal Dreams by Kingsolver, but I will check it out. Dragon Tattoo seems a step too far for me right now, but I thank you for that rec.

  128. 128.

    seaboogie

    @NotMax: As one of our FPers would say: “tracking”… and anything not in my wheelhouse there will surely be in my father’s, so thank you.

  129. 129.

    Davebo

    @efgoldman: Could I substitute a quail in a mesquite bush?

    @seaboogie: My late wife and I actually gave socks one year when things were tight. But no, I just don’t see it. Your suggestion however was infinitely more useful than efgoldman’s!

  132. 132.

    KithKanan

    @FlipYrWhig: Doesn’t the house have to be habitable before he counts as house rich? At the moment he sounds house poor and cash poor, with some hope of improving both… eventually.

  133. 133.

    Mnemosyne

    @seaboogie:

    I tend to like British stuff, or at least stuff set in Britain, so that’s where most of my recommendations would fall. I’ve really been enjoying Tessa Dare in the romance world — she’s a major best-selling author, but the e-book versions are usually pretty reasonable. Her best-selling one is A Week to Be Wicked and should give you a pretty good idea of whether or not you’ll like her writing style. Plus it’s only $3.49 in e-book form, so it’s a cheap date.

    My other romance recommendation would be Lisa Kleypas’s Wallflower series, starting with Secrets of a Summer Night. Again, it’s reasonably priced at $3.99 for the e-book and should give you a pretty good idea of if you like her writing style or not.

    Both of them are obviously reasonably light reading, but they have enough substance that you won’t feel stupider after reading them (each of the characters has some fairly dark stuff from their past that they’re dealing with). No serious violence, and you have the comfort of knowing it will have a happy ending no matter how bleak it looks around three-quarters of the way through.

    Both books are also part of a series (the Dare book is #2 in that series and the Kleypas one is #1), so you can either continue on or just drop the whole thing afterwards. :-)

  134. 134.

    seaboogie

    @Davebo: Okay…you’ve sparked my imagination. Consider making your gifts “experiential”, rather than goods or trinkets, because that just keeps everything going on and on.

    As an example: I’ve been taking baths with dead sea salts for my wonky knee, and I use lavender essential oil in the bath too. So dead sea salts and essential oil is 2 things.

    A spice, such as saffron, plus a recipe that uses it. It keeps until you are ready to break it out and make something special that you can share.

    All of these things are relatively inexpensive, and also very sensual and luxurious. Like great socks ;-)

  137. 137.

    Mnemosyne

    For the mystery recommendation, I still love the Julian Kestrel series by the (sadly) late Kate Ross.They’re set in the Regency (Napoleonic) time period and have some off-screen violence, but also some really interesting social background. There are only four of them, unfortunately.

    And when I really need to escape, I go back to PG Wodehouse. I once got into an argument with someone who claimed that Heart of Darkness was the greatest novel in the English language, while I argued that it’s The Code of the Woosters. I still think I was right. Plus Wodehouse was almost insanely prolific — his career started in the 1910s and continued until the day he died in 1975 — so there’s a lot of back catalog to read.

  141. 141.

    Mnemosyne

    @seaboogie:

    I love the romance genre dearly but, as in any genre, there are always books that make you feel stupider after you read them. I won’t claim that they’re deep and meaningful literature, but you probably won’t feel like you wasted your time.

  144. 144.

    Davebo

    @seaboogie: Actually that’s pretty good! We just got back from a weekend trip where she ran a marathon so a salt soak is good and she loves to cook so you may be on to something there.

    @NotMax: See, and they say I waste my time here.. Thanks. Where can I find Satby’s store?

  148. 148.

    reality-based (the original, not the troll)

    @seaboogie: yes, but eventide broke my heart – before mending it at the end – I love all of Haruf!

    so i think you will really like Animal Dreams

  150. 150.

    NotMax

    @Davebo

    Might want to wait a bit before placing an order as she usually announces BJ-specific discounts for the holiday season.

  153. 153.

    TriassicSands

    Random thought: The “fake news” used to come from The Onion and it was funny (or supposed to be).

  154. 154.

    opiejeanne

    @seaboogie: May I suggest the Inspector Gamache series? Written by Louise Penny and set in Canada, mostly in Montreal and the nearby territory, especially the make-believe town of Three Pines. She’s witty and evokes laughter in most of her books.

  155. 155.

    seaboogie

    @opiejeanne: Thank you opiejeanne….and also everyone else with your generous offerings. So many wonderful possibilities in various genres for distraction and immersion. I am deeply grateful to and for this community.

  158. 158.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    Well… this isn’t uncommon. I bought in 2009, and picked up 8 grand as a “thank you” from the US government. It was *gone* before the renovations were completed.

    Now, I’m way overwater (remember, 2009 was a *damn* good time to buy!), and about to refi.

    Since you bought a distressed house, unless you bought in a neighborhood that’s losing value, you’ll probably be glad you did in 3-5 years.

    (Side note: since I live in a no-income tax state, I did get to deduct 10% of my purchases to fix the place – which is, alas, only about the same as shopping at Amazon with a rewards card – 3% back. But it did cheer me up in 2010, a bit.)

    I also had some “friends” who kept reminding me of how much of a money sink a house could be. Set boundaries – remind them that you’re broke and hurting a bit, and please stop making you feel worse about a decision you can no longer change. Maintain friendships with those who try to hold to those reasonable boundaries.

    (I didn’t say *cut* friendships with those who don’t. But carefully consider whether they’ve really earned the right to bust your chops by being there when you needed help. A friend who’s got your back has earned the right to take a few digs, even when you’re down. A fair-weather friend who insists on busting your chops deserves to have the door hit ’em where the dog shoulda bit ’em… while it’s pouring down sleet!)

    Also: go out. De-stress. Have some fun. Maybe exercise, if you have an exercise that can make you feel a bit better. Then come back, and think about why you decided to buy this home. Think about the plans you had, the stuff you looked at and thought “oh, *man* that’ll be great!” And bank that feeling – remember it. You’ll get through this, but yeah, it can be rough. (Like sandpaper. When you THOUGHT it was toilet paper. Sorry for the image, but that’s what I mean by “it can be rough”.)

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