But this was sweet- mom bought me a new welcome mat as a housewarming gift:
Still waiting for one of you needlepointers to make me my Home, Crap Home thing.
by John Cole| 87 Comments
This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"
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schrodinger's cat
So which gas stove did you end up buying? Are those clown pants?
Knight of Nothing
Your mom is gold.
manyakitty
Might be a while on the needlepoint thing, but I can whip up a nice, cozy afghan if you want. Got any preferences about color, weight, or materials?
schrodinger's cat
@manyakitty: Pink to go with the pink room. Princess Cole.
manyakitty
@schrodinger’s cat: Oooh, I got a grab bag of fun pink yarn at a local craft store sale. Tempting!
Trinity
Your Mom is awesome.
Iowa Old Lady
That’s great. Very Cole.
Gindy51
I want this….
CaseyL
I love your family.
PaulWartenberg2016
I got a used chef figurine that can sit atop your fridge.
Poopyman
@PaulWartenberg2016: I can’t even imagine what a used chef looks like.
Poopyman
@Gindy51: Available in fine Walmarts nationwide, if Google can be trusted.
Also Amazon.
John Cole
@schrodinger’s cat: There is no fucking pink room, you jackass.
manyakitty
@John Cole: (I can use another color)
Villago Delenda Est
Your mom has you pegged precisely. Treasure her.
debbie
I want that mat for my front door and then a mat that says, “No, seriously. I meant it.” for the back door.
muddy
I have one that says GO AWAY.
cosima
My husband has always wanted the one that says ‘welcome’ on one side, and ‘go away’ on the other. I bought a jute (coir????) one that has poppies, which is what passes as welcoming for us (anti-social is our default).
House related: today I baking-soda’d the heck out of the seat cushions of the mid-century teak dining chairs that I bought last weekend. Don’t know how long they’d been in someone’s garage, but they smelled like it had been a very long time. Now they smell like the fabric softener beads that I mixed in with the baking soda (left it on for about 6 hours then vacuumed it off). Baking soda (bicarb of soda on this side of the pond) is magic stuff for smells and cleaning (and inexpensive too if you buy the enormous boxes/bags). Take note, Mr. Cole.
Not house related, but if you’re looking for a good news source (not rolling news, but in-depth topical news) and haven’t found The American Prospect yet, you should check them out. They’re rolling out a new area of reporting:
http://prospect.org/article/inaugurating-new-american-prospect-feature
“This week, the Prospect launches a new regular feature: Trickle Downers. Our aim is to expose the ongoing folly of the lie that that tax cuts for the rich, deregulation for the powerful, and wage suppression for everyone else are the polices that best create growth in capitalist economies.”
hovercraft
Your Mom is awesome.
schrodinger's cat
@John Cole: Own it! I know you called it thistle-something-or-other. Pink looks fetching on redheads. I say go for the pink afghan.
hovercraft
OT
I guess since the feeding trough is open, everyone is eager to eat. So much for the ‘responsible’ GOP foreign policy folks.
ETA link http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/rice-gates-tillerson-exxon-ties
raven
Woman names dog after Roy Williams, coach sends letter after dog dies
Catherine D.
I saw one I liked that said “come back with a warrant”
p.a.
If someone sends you the Home Crap Home in a frame I’ll contribute the hangers, wire, hammer, ice pak, band-aids and ibuprofen. You won’t need assistance with the cursing.
raven
@hovercraft: She’s a Bulldog, whaddya expect?
Eric U.
I saw a T-shirt I want: “How sarcasm is made. Step 1) ask me a question” That’s it, no more steps
catclub
@hovercraft: It sounds like Gates and Condi Rice wanted to get Rex Tillerson out of their hair.
manyakitty
@schrodinger’s cat: Yeah! Or maybe just a little pink. You know, as an accent.
Gelfling 545
@cosima: My daughter has had the welcome/go away one for some years now. She got it as a gift. She says she likes it because it’s versatile.
jeffreyw
The needlepoint should read “This Fucking Old House”. Anything less is a travesty and a mockery.
hovercraft
@jeffreyw:
I think “Bring Your Own Mustard“, could also be appropriate.
schrodinger's cat
@hovercraft: I humbly suggest a still life with a Subaru in the field, a fat cat and mustard.
laura
@Catherine D.: yes, THAT! I curse the day I could’ve bought it and didn’t.
As soon as I saw Cole’s groovy mat it reminded me, and then there you were.
Mnemosyne
@manyakitty:
A variegated yarn would probably be better than a solid. Hides the dog puke stains better. And, for god’s sake, make it machine washable!
Humdog
Pick your colors for the home crap home needlepoint and it will happen!
manyakitty
@Mnemosyne: hahaha! Yes!
Mnemosyne
@Humdog:
If you wanted to get super-fancy, you could make it with Craftsman motifs to match Cole’s house. And there are some cool lettering styles, too
cosima
@Gelfling 545: Absolutely — suits every occasion! 360 days a year we’d keep it with the ‘go away’ side up, 5 days (which is about our entertaining average) a year we’d flip it to the ‘welcome’ side. We are already known as the crazy (but nice) Americans of this area of the village. I’d get it for Mr Cosima for his bday, but I think that given the recent election results if we put it out they might think we’re T/P supporters with smuggled-in guns.
Politically Lost
@schrodinger’s cat: You forgot the mop.
Larkspur
@schrodinger’s cat: You are on a roll today. Watch out for mustard! I’m going to have to go with Team Thistle, not because I love pink – I don’t – but I can’t help wearing it every day, because it’s on my skin, in varying shades of rose-tinted ivory, to bubble-gum, to eraser-colored, and occasionally, I’m told, puce. Frankly, I’d rather be referred to as “that older thistle-colored harridan standing over there”. So: Team Thistle.
NeenerNeener
I used to have a Go Away mat. Now I have one that says: Warning, dog can’t hold its licker.
schrodinger's cat
@Politically Lost: That would be a portrait of Cole in his robe, pink afghan over it, with Steve underfoot and a mop in hand, standing in the pink room.
jurassicpork
Speaking of home…
Mrs. JP, Popeye the cat and I are in a terrible spot this Christmas season. I’ve made an appeal at Welcome Back to Pottersville for assistance and I’ve also included a special book gift offer for those who chip in beyond a certain amount. But the bottom line is the last thing we need to worry about over the holidays is eviction.
LAO
This is my all time favorite door mat The Dog Day 751. I’ve always wanted to buy it for someone.
ETA: spelling, difficult.
cosima
Any tips for a far-too-energetic lab who has just had radical surgery (TPLO) and is now confined to her pen for a month (1 week down, 3 to go)? My daughter said that there are herbal/natural remedies for pet. Something along the lines of Bach’s for pets, maybe? Lola is just 1-1/2 yrs old, so she feels that she should be out & about, no matter the state of her leg, which is still very precarious.
Helen
@hovercraft: Perfect
Botsplainer
@jurassicpork:
Nobody gives a fuck, deadbeat.
trollhattan
@hovercraft:
Slight adjustment, to Coleify.
opiejeanne
@LAO: That diary entry would work for cats as well.
LAO
@opiejeanne: I believe, there is a cat version as well. But, you know — I’m a dog person, myself.
@cosima: puzzle toys, to keep her engaged.
OzarkHillbilly
@Eric U.: I have a t shirt that says, SARCASM- it beats killing people
Not sure why my brother gave it to me.
trollhattan
@schrodinger’s cat:
Hmmm, a re-do of American Gothic with mop in lieu of pitchfork and Steve in lieu of farmer’s wife. Could work.
The Moar You Know
@jurassicpork: Fuck you, you Republican piece of garbage. Come here and beg for money from the sucker libs every few months. How’s that as a lifestyle working out for you? Probably not so well, but I’m not going to click your blogwhore link to find out.
schrodinger's cat
@trollhattan: I always thought that was the farmer’s sister. There is something very sexless about the couple.
cosima
@LAO: I’ve tried a couple, but haven’t managed to find a toy that she doesn’t figure out within 5 minutes. I’ve had better luck today with a strange bone thing filled with something, but still lots of whining. The 6-month rehab is going to do my head in.
Mnemosyne
@OzarkHillbilly:
I keep meaning to get one of the “I Knit So I Don’t Kill People” t-shirts.
schrodinger's cat
@Mnemosyne: Mme Defarge?
schrodinger's cat
@cosima: Get another dog. It worked for my kitteh when was a juvenile kitteh.
trollhattan
@schrodinger’s cat:
Could well be. Certainly don’t get any kind of hubba-hubba vibe from it, but maybe they’re Mennonites and as we all know, they frown on sex because it can lead to dancing.
Mnemosyne
@schrodinger’s cat:
She didn’t kill anyone directly. Well, except right at the end when she tried to kill the heroine — it’s been a while since I read the book.
I think it was 2007 when I came to work as Madame DeFarge for Halloween. (Technically, I think I said I was a tricoteuse from the Revolution, but same idea.)
LAO
@cosima: I feel for you (and her!). The next three weeks will be very tough — keep the kongs stuffed with PB (or whatever you prefer).
My vet recommended the following brand, because my puppy is difficult — Nina Ottosson. Can be pricey but the toys vary from beginner to super difficult.
Roger Moore
@Mnemosyne:
Is it working?
Helen
@trollhattan: Perfecter
OzarkHillbilly
@Mnemosyne: I need to get one of those for my wife.
Mnemosyne
@Roger Moore:
That you know of … ?
Iowa Old Lady
TPM says the Energy Dept has refused to comply with Trump’s request for a list of employees working on climate science. Good for them!
Major Major Major Major
@Iowa Old Lady: Alright!
a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q)
@raven: It’s very sweet. And comical, of course, since he uses “grievance.” I’ll certainly want to file a grievance when my dog dies! It’s a totally touching gesture.
ETA: I’m not a grammar Nazi. I’m alt-write.
opiejeanne
@The Moar You Know: He’s a Republican?
Gindy51
@Poopyman: Also eBay or Mayfair.
opiejeanne
@schrodinger’s cat: The models were the artist’s sister and her dentist, so I would hope they are sexless. Grant Wood is the artist, and there’s a lot going on in that painting.
Nicole
@cosima: It’s a great time to teach her tricks she can do in a sitting or lying position (speak, touching her paw to her nose, or touching a specific toy or bone on the command). Fortunately for dog owners, dogs’ brains get just as tired as their bodies and a good ten or fifteen minute training session can be every bit as exhausting as a run.
My Staffy mix tore her CCL doing a glorious 5-foot-into-the-air leap after a tennis ball a few years ago and had to be confined to her crate for some time after surgery. She learned to do “drop it,” “give,” and “go practice” (plunks out a note on a toy piano) like a pro. I’m now trying to teach her to open doors with her paw, which I may come to regret.
Helen
@opiejeanne: Yeah. He’s expecting the “free market” to protect him. You know. The market where it’s who you know. The market where it’s where you were born. The market where YOU are not the beggar. That other free market. There’s a club and you’re not in it
h/t George Carlin
Betsy
That’s a great gift. Good ol’ Mom! She knows you too well.
Apparently, so do a lot of other people.
Shalimar
@opiejeanne: A casual look around his website suggests jurassicpork is liberal, but there is a lot of sarcasm that could be mistaken for Republican seriousness.
sukabi
@John Cole: definitely not pink it’s a very sweet whisper of thistley lilac.
dexwood
@jurassicpork:
How many years have you been running this scam you fucking grifter?
danielx
@John Cole:
Clearly your mom knows you all too well. Now if it just said “go the fuck away” on the other side…
SWMBO
@danielx: And would flip over automatically…
danielx
@SWMBO:
Or at the touch of a button or icon.
danielx
Just got a quick three inches of snow, and if you live ENE of central Bumblefuckistan (that would be Indiana), it’s coming to you and will last until dark at least. Pity folks who live in Pittsburgh, but the weather there is so notoriously bad they probably won’t notice. Also, too, it is presently 32 degrees and is supposed to be down to 11 tonight, by which I conclude it will be somewhat windy this afternoon. Oh well, Subaru is in the garage, I have a new winter coat, and there’s firewood on the back porch.
PaulWartenberg2016
@Poopyman:
A little like this:
https://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/responsive/embedded/any/desktop/2016/07/30/636055042891058227364682665_2.jpg
cosima
@LAO: Thank you for the toy info. I read some reviews, but will read more and see if any might be suitable for her when she can be a bit more energetic. Right now she’s supposed to be as immobile as possible, so I’ve been giving her things to chew (never could get her interested in peanut butter, for some reason, but there are some treats at Costco with veg in them that she loves). She has an amazing laidback personality, but still, she is a young lab, so that only goes so far.
@Nicole: Thanks for that — it’s been over a year since she injured herself, and a lot of the wait time had to do with waiting for her to reach her full size. She tore her cruciate ligament running around the woods near our house maybe about 3 weeks after she could go walking (fully vaxxed and all that). When it first happened and we were looking at surgery I bought a book about things to do with a cooped up dog on medical restrictions, but I’d forgotten about that, and now you’ve reminded me!
rikyrah
that mat is adorable:)
Pete Mack
John–
Ihad you pegged for one of these, for sure
http://www.dogmt.com/Greetings-Indoor-Outdoor-Mat.html
opiejeanne
@Shalimar: Yeah, that’s why I was surprised.
TerryC
@cosima: Cannabis edibles.