Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Democracy is not a spectator sport.

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. keep building.

Keep the Immigrants and deport the fascists!

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

“woke” is the new caravan.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

If America since Jan 2025 hasn’t broken your heart, you haven’t loved her enough.

Find someone who loves you the way trump and maga love traitors.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

You are here: Home / Another Day in Paradise With Yours Truly

Another Day in Paradise With Yours Truly

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Woke up in a foul mood, discovered that Thurston had stolen one of my slippers, so I had to walk around with one slipper on looking for the damned thing for twenty minutes before discovering it was outside. I also didn’t tie my pajama bottoms because I had been planning on just walking to the bathroom and showering, so they slid down while I was bending over to find the god damned slipper and blew the seam in the ass of my pj’s out. Then I did the accounting for the house (I have every receipt) and quietly wept to myself and thought about when I used to have money. Then the day started to go downhill.

In my infinite wisdom, I then thrust myself into public, nearly intentionally rear ending some jackass who kept braking out of turns on the entire drive to the city. Can’t these people feel their car and the road and realize that they are doing it wrong? Went to Lowes to buy a new toilet and was almost hit head on by some woman with mad 80’s hair in an SUV carelessly pulling through a parking space as I was pulling in to park, and then yelled at an old lady and her husband who had a Christmas tree in their trunk for nearly running me over in a pedestrian zone outside the store. It should be illegal to sell a car to someone who can not see over the fucking steering wheel.

Once inside, I was informed by the sales person that was helping me that the toilet I was considering and eventually bought (American Standard Champion) could flush 16 golf balls, which made me wonder how many people out there are shitting golf balls that this is considered a helpful metric for people shopping for a new commode. I asked him “What about lacrosse balls,” but he had no ready answer, but I bought it anyway.

I then drove to the mattress store to check out king sized mattresses, and it is a good thing I was lying down when he told me the price of the one I liked. I may be staying in the spare bedroom in the new house(where my current bed is going to go) until this summer when I can maybe afford a new mattress. Everything is so god damned expensive.

Had to go to the AT&T store to replace a car charger for my phone that they sold me for $30 bucks that doesn’t work after two weeks. I explained the situation, and he told me “Oh yeah, those tend to wear out really quick.” That was approximately when I realized that people who think I swear too much would probably be horrified and work to have me institutionalized if they ever hear my inner monologue when I am in public, but I exercised some restraint and only sarcastically stated “That might be the kind of information that customers might find useful before purchasing an item.”

I am now safely home, no longer out spreading my particular brand of holiday cheer on an unsuspecting America, and the fracking trucks only made one halfhearted attempt to run me off the road on the way home.

Also, Steve is out wilding and I have not seen him since about 2 am last night when he jumped on my chest, so I am worried about him.

How was your fucking day?

Reader Interactions

197Comments

  3. 3.

    Spanky (ex P-man)

    My fucking day is not over, thanks very much. But at least I have internet access while I avoid work.

    Now off to the ~90 minute commute home, which will involve much cursing. Some by me, some at me. SSDD.

  4. 4.

    aimai

    I really think that these classic cole posts are about all I can handle these days, and maybe for the next four years. Frankly, you should set up a gofundme site for people to help pay for your house renovations. Its better than a reality show and more soothing than the news.

  7. 7.

    the Conster, la Citoyenne

    @aimai:

    I’d be thrilled to contribute to John’s house fund, and we could have an online poll to help him choose paint colors and other home decorative items.

  9. 9.

    Это курам на смех

    The jig is up for Barack Hussein Obama Soetoro Sobarkah. Sheriff Arpaio has the goods on him.

  11. 11.

    Svensker

    Thanks, John, you cheer me up. My best friend, who has been in ICU for 4 weeks and who seemed to be doing much better as of yesterday, is dying. Doctors say there is no hope whatsoever. She can last another week or 10 days but will never be conscious again. We are so worried her husband will not be able to survive without her. I am heartbroken.

  12. 12.

    slag

    Every day, I hear about how Casper mattresses are all the rage.

    Seriously, though, you may consider a less conventional mattress (eg, latex), if you haven’t already.

  16. 16.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I hope Steve comes back safely, and soon. I suppose it’s too much to hope that he will be at all chastened or abashed. Let us know, John.

    (It’s been full moon, so he may be a little crazier than usual.)

  17. 17.

    CaseyL

    @aimai: I strongly endorse this. I’m at work, so I can’t laugh too loudly, but i certainly snorfled energetically. “Cole’s Adventures Renovating an Old Fucking House” – I would pay handsomely to have this show on tap for the next 4 years.

    He could have Very Special Episodes, where a bunch of us show up in person and are put to work painting or gardening or cat-sitting.

  21. 21.

    Brachiator

    Once inside, I was informed by the sales person that was helping me that the toilet I was considering and eventually bought (American Standard Champion) could flush 16 golf balls

    I hear that those fancy Japanese toilets can polish and puff dry 16 golf balls. And spit them out onto a rack.

  23. 23.

    Helen

    Helen Mirran is doing face cream commercials here on the other side of the pond. And they are showing every line on her gorgeous almost 70 yr old face.

  25. 25.

    R-Jud

    I picked up a prescription today. For extra-strength toothpaste. After months and months of being told to stop drinking so many acidic drinks (I only drink alcohol on the weekends; it’s just water and black coffee daily), a new dentist looked at my medical history and announced that she believed me about my diet; that a medication I was on for 9 months in 2013 apparently did a number on my enamel. It’s why I suddenly have three false teeth and now I need all the fluoride that medical science can cram in a tube.

    They put in the most recent tooth Monday, and it’s made mostly of gold. Now I’m not sure if I should drop a hip-hop single or steal the British navy’s fastest frigate and become a pirate. Maybe I will combine the two and write a hip-hop single about being a pirate. I’m sure there’s a niche in the market. I’ll model myself after Flava Flav but wear a barometer instead of a clock, and call myself Lo-Presha.

    Additionally, the Child came home from school with a note from her ASD aide saying that she (the Child, not the aide) was not content merely to wear a Christmas sweater that made her look like a penguin, but also decided to method-act the role of a penguin– all day long. She waddled. She pecked people. When spoken to (even by the guy who came in to play Santa for the kids’ party), she squawked. I can’t tell if this is her acting out about the divorce or using it as creative fuel. I am either the worst or best mother around.

    So, my fucking day was mixed, but not awful. I think.

  28. 28.

    Denali

    @Swensker,

    I am so sorry. I went through this 5 years ago and it was so hard. Give yourself time to grieve.

  30. 30.

    aimai

    @John Cole: I know you are, you big lug you! But you are practically providing mental health services for all us balloon juicers, and that is worth a lot!

  33. 33.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @donnah:

    Adorable child, and you do beautiful work! I know your client will cherish it — and what a terrific heirloom for the granddaughter when she grows up.

  39. 39.

    Mnemosyne

    @R-Jud:

    In her defense, it’s kind of lame for the school to have a holiday party and then tell her she has to act like it’s a normal day. But I’m not the teacher who had to deal with it, so it’s easy for me to say.

    I was recently in a situation where I was helping escort a group of 31 5th graders and I spotted the mildly ASD boy immediately, because he spoke and sounded exactly like my nephew with ASD. Nice kid, but doesn’t catch on to the social cues about when it’s time to let other people talk.

  41. 41.

    gogol's wife

    Great post. John and this crew are keeping me semi-sane. I can’t stand Trump, just can’t stand him. How could any sentient human being vote for him? Even one? I can’t understand it.

  43. 43.

    Felonius Monk

    It should be illegal to sell a car to someone who can not see over the fucking steering wheel.

    A big problem since the “big” telephone books are hard to come by nowadays Maybe now the DMVs should stamp “Booster Seat Required” on their licenses..

  45. 45.

    MoxieM

    One time I went to Home Despot to buy some kind of gardening tool that would dig out the frozen poopsicles, since those are evidently the yummy ones. (Summer time flavors not so much.) I live in the People’s Republic of MA, where we have Winter. As I stood there considering the merits of different kinds of hoes, adzes, pointy things and whatnot, a sweet young sales fellow in the orange apron came over and asked if he could help. “No”, I said, “I thought I could probably find what I needed.” Well he was very insistent, so I finally said, “Look: I am trying to find a tool to dig frozen dog poop out of the back yard snow. They like to eat it, so I want to clean it up. What do you recommend?” Poor young guy turned beet red and backed away slowly, stammering. He left me to my own devices.

  46. 46.

    Elie

    @slag:
    Yeah I have been toying w the idea of getting one but didn’t know what to do w the old mattress since they don’t pick that up like the mattress stores and u end up with how to get thAt done

  47. 47.

    Shell

    which made me wonder how many people out there are shitting golf balls that this is considered a helpful metric

    If you’ve ever taken care of an aged relative…you’d know how true that is.

    Hasn’t Steve gone on walk-about before?

  48. 48.

    burnspbesq

    Kid bitches at me about it being 16 below at O’Hare. I remind him that if he would just quit smoking once and for all, he wouldn’t have to go outside. Kid is not amused.

    Going to be a lovely holiday season

  49. 49.

    Mnemosyne

    I have three holiday parties in the next two days, two of which I am primarily responsible for organizing. First one happened at lunchtime when we wrapped gifts for our office Adopt-A-Family. Tonight is at the main office, and then tomorrow is our big annual potluck. I’m a little burned out on holiday cheer right now.

  50. 50.

    MJLiberal

    Went thru the mattress thing. Just purchased a Tuft and Needle mattress on-line. My wife loves it – she has the joint problems. I was fine with the old one. Paid $600 – 1/5th of the cost in a brick & mortar.

  51. 51.

    Aleta

    There’s Tuft and Needle, made in US, free trial for 100 days, if you don’t want it after that they help you find and donate to a charity, and then give all your money back. The king is 750$. There may be different thicknesses to choose from.

  53. 53.

    R-Jud

    @Mnemosyne:

    Nice kid, but doesn’t catch on to the social cues about when it’s time to let other people talk.

    E’s moderately ASD, but has already made a lot of progress this year thanks to getting involved with Scouts and Tae Kwon Do. The more she interacts with others, the more she is capable of understanding that she made a faux pas. And the group of kids we know is lovely and helpful, so I’m going to milk that as long as I possibly can.

    It helps that she is very bright aside from the whole “gets pictures, not words” thing.

  54. 54.

    Lizzy L

    @Svensker: So hard. I am sorry. This fucking year…

    Just trying to get through today without going manic on someone’s ass or hiding under the bed. It’s raining really hard, which is good because northern CA needs lots of rain, but I have to drive in a little while and I hate driving in hreavy rain, too many crazy people. Also my stress levels are super high right now. (Lots of stuff, you don’t need to hear me whine.)

    John, I hope Steve comes home very soon. He’s just rambling.

  55. 55.

    maya

    Hasn’t the trump transition team called you yet for that plum cabinet spot ? Under Sect. Dept of Housing and Urbane Renewal.

  57. 57.

    JPL

    @maya: John could not handle Urbane Renewal.

    Maybe that’s a little harsh, but even before the p.j. story, there was naked mopping

  60. 60.

    Mike J

    If your “car charger” is anything other than a USB cable (and possibly a $5 adaptor that plugs into the cigarette lighter), you’re doing it wrong.

    If it does other things like help your phone talk to your old fashioned car radio(like mine), a bit more may be in order.

  61. 61.

    drdavechemist

    and was almost hit head on by some woman with mad 80’s hair in an SUV carelessly pulling through a parking space as I was pulling in to park,

    A friend of mine convinced me years ago to never pull through a parking space like this. (His reasoning also had to do with the fact that sometimes there are those little barriers that separate the two spaces that one might forget about and accidentally ram into, but I digress.) In my household, we refer to this in his honor as “Baumann’s Rule” and I count this among the many little rules for safer and saner living that I have picked up over the years. Unfortunately, that logic is probably lost on the woman with mad ’80s hair…c’est la vie I guess.

    ETA–why is my nym in a tiny little font? Comment infrequently enough that I need training wheels?

  62. 62.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    Cole@OP:

    It should be illegal to sell a car to someone who can not see over the fucking steering wheel.

    In the old days, those of us who are short of stature or old could use phonebooks to add a few more inches to the height of the car seat. But since the internet came along and obviated the need for looking up numbers in a book we’re out of luck. Thanks Al Gore(and, of course Obama).

  63. 63.

    sam

    @Elie: I know you’re already past this point, but for future reference (and for anyone else), I had a pretty good experience with 1-800-Got-Junk when I had to get rid of my old couch. I live in NYC, so moving furniture and stuff in and out of apartment buildings requires an extra level of…patience, because you have to reserve freight elevators, and all the movers have to be licensed and insured – not just generally, but specifically for your building before they’re allowed in the front door. These guys did all the paperwork right, showed up on time, and got my old couch out nice and quick.

    You obviously have to pay them, but it was worth it compared to some of the charities that I’ve attempted to use in the past, who had, on one occasion, shown up and then refused my old bedroom set because they didn’t want to carry the stuff up the flight of stairs from the freight elevator to the street (my building is old and weird), despite the fact that it was all original 1920s art deco stuff worth a decent amount of $$, and thereby leaving me with a room full of old furniture and a day to figure out how to get rid of it all before the new furniture arrived. That was a fun day :)

  64. 64.

    HRA

    I am glad you made it home, John. I bought a mattress at a furniture store we deal with a lot and have always had good results. The 8 days delivery has blossomed into 2 weeks or more. Yes it was expensive.

    @Svensker:

    I learned long ago about losing a friend is equal to losing family. I wish you peace and strength in these coming days.

  65. 65.

    hovercraft

    @the Conster, la Citoyenne:

    I’d be thrilled to contribute to John’s house fund, and we could have an online poll to help him choose paint colors and other home decorative items.

    Our BJ version of Blog Cabin. I definitely would say he needs much more PINK, in the house.

  66. 66.

    The Moar You Know

    That was approximately when I realized that people who think I swear too much would probably be horrified and work to have me institutionalized if they ever hear my inner monologue when I am in public

    You’re not the only one.

  67. 67.

    joel hanes

    When my day goes like that, I abort the mission and go home and nap.

    Everything is so god damned expensive.

    The king mattress that costs $1200 today is a much much better mattress than the king mattress that cost $700 in year 2000.
    Trust me on this. Don’t cheap out on your mattress.

    And to reinforce that last advice, I’ve hit the tip jar.
    Perhaps other BJ commenters can do the same, and we’ll call it the BJ Pre-Christmas Mustard Replacement and Naked Mopping Party.
    [ blows noisemaker ]

  69. 69.

    Pogonip

    This has been a tragic year for many of us. My sympathies to all the bereaved and soon-to-be bereaved.

  70. 70.

    gene108

    I got into a fender bender this weekend in NYC, while on my way to visit my brother. I was rear ended while waiting to make a right-turn, as he was trying to get around me. As he has a pick-up truck and I have a 13 year old Toyota Corolla, I’m a bit worse for wear, while he’s O.K.

    Anyway, he pulls up about a block ahead, where there’s space to pull over. We exchange info and he says he’ll take care of the repair costs, so don’t go to his insurance.

    As it was cold, and we were both in a bit of hurry, I did not call the police, though my cousin’s kid, who was coming up with me (he’s a senior in college), is a witness.

    Anyway, I got estimates early this week. I sent him what the totals are via text message. He calls me back and says he’ll talk to a guy he knows, if he can get a better quote and I say O.K.

    He took pictures of the damage and said based on those his guy says he can fix it at 60% of the estimates I got.

    He calls me back and says, how long will it take to meet him Parsippany (northwestern NJ), and I say two hours. He’s shocked. We told each other where we live in NJ. He lives in Park Ridge, which I figured is somewhere out there in Bergen county (Northeastern most county in NJ). I told him I live near Cherry Hill (southwestern NJ). He somehow registered Cherry Hill as being near another town in northern NJ.

    Anyway, I tell him I cannot take a day off work to go there, but if his guy is open on Saturday, I can come. He says he’ll get right back to me to confirm this and send me the address.

    I told him, if his guy is not open Saturday to send me the amount his guy wants to charge and we’ll call it even. He says, why should he send me a check, because he thought I wanted to get it fixed and if he paid me, I might not (I guess).

    So in the last couple of days, he’s not gotten back to me with his guys body shop.

    I’m going to drop the estimates I got in the mail to him (he gave me his business card, so I have an address) and hope he gets me a written estimate from his guy, so I can work out what my place is doing and if they are overcharging, I can rework my estimate and he can pay them directly for all I care.

    Otherwise I’ll probably sue, because I feel like I am being reasonable at this point.

  72. 72.

    Aleta

    It’s another super moon; my cats wander at the full moon. In keeping with the next 4 years, the news might as well start alerting us every time the moon is going to appear unusually diminished. A very bad day here too. My young niece, mother of a 3 year old, has received cancer treatment for over 2 years. Now it’s appeared in new places and Mass General says no more treatment is possible now except pallative. She’s the only truly nice person in the family.

  74. 74.

    hovercraft

    @Это курам на смех:

    The jig is up for Barack Hussein Obama Soetoro Sobarkah. Sheriff Arpaio has the goods on him.

    This is one thing you have to give these assholes, they refuse to go off quietly into that good night, between NC re-writing their laws to neuter Cooper, and Arpaio refusing to let birtherism die, we need to stock up on garlic and silver.

  77. 77.

    gene108

    @gene108:

    As I do not have permission to edit my comment, last Saturday was a bit more crowded than normal, in NYC.

    Apparently there’s a thing called Santa Con, where a bunch of – from what I saw, mostly guys – dress up in Santa-ish outfits and go on a pub crawl throughout town.

  79. 79.

    dedc79

    Keep Steve inside and not only won’t you have to worry about him, you also won’t have to worry about all the wildlife he’s killing for sport while on his jaunt.

  80. 80.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @burnspbesq: About a month ago, when the kid was visiting, she pulled out a pouch from her purse, pull a cig out of the pack in said pouch, lit the cig, took a drag and announced that she quit smoking. I looked over with a somewhat confused look. She explained that she no longer smokes on a daily basis since it’s become too much of a pain to go to her car on her breaks since that’s the only place near the hospital that she can smoke. She just is again a “social smoker”.

  81. 81.

    joel hanes

    @Felonius Monk:

    Many car dealers can put shims under the seat to jack it up high enough for five-footers.

    Below five feet, it’s really tough.
    My sister is 4′ 10′ on a good day, and I’ve watched her try to find cars she can drive safely for thirty years now.

  82. 82.

    Pogonip

    I HAVE THE MUSTARD!

    We got one of those holiday food-tray gifts;several cute little jars of mustard were included. I was going to mail them to Cole, then realized that would be cruel as he can no longer afford bread on which to spread the mustard. Which reminds me of the story my mom told about when my brother was a baby and the Army didn’t pay my dad for several months. She survived on what he could make in an entertaining activity involving little squares of pasteboard, and the landlady feeding them. By the time money arrived she was down to 1 jar of mustard. (Perhaps Cole’s mustard fell into a time machine?)

  84. 84.

    Gin & Tonic

    @gene108: New Yorkers hate SantaCon with the heat of a thousand suns, as it is mostly dudebros from the suburbs getting drunk in the city and vomiting on the streets (or in the train going back to the suburbs.)

  85. 85.

    Starfish

    Mattress pricing at mattress stores can be scammy and involve haggling like new car pricing. Send Christion to ask the price on the mattress you want, and see if they give him a different price. I would go the Costco route to avoid haggling.

  86. 86.

    hovercraft

    @Svensker:
    I’m so sorry that you are losing your best friend, it is always hard to accept that there is no hope. Best wishes to her husband, and family, at least he has good friends like you to help him get through these painful last days and the aftermath. Sending positive thoughts your way.

  87. 87.

    trollhattan

    Raining sideways in the metroplex and the river level is in the process of leaping up more than ten feet in less than two days. It will be filled with half-a-decade’s worth of trees and hobo camps; that’ll show those jetskiiers. .

  88. 88.

    Helen

    @Aleta: My. Get good palliative care for her. It makes all the difference. Look up Dr Alan Fleischman; a leader in the field. If you need to speak to him tell him Helen from NYAM sent you.

  92. 92.

    Pogonip

    On the subject of mustard, which is nearly as interesting as dog poop, has anyone tried Bavarian mustard? Is it spicy? If it is, I know I won’t like it, and so would like to give it to someone else unopened.

  102. 102.

    rikyrah

    Cole,

    A quote from my favorite movie:

    “These are the days that the pages of history tell us are best spent in bed.”

    With the polar vortex here today, I decided to take a self-care day. I will get out tomorrow when the temperature is supposed to get up to 23 degrees!!!

    Woo hoo!!!

  105. 105.

    J R in WV

    @Svensker:

    It is really hard to lose close friends. I think more of a shock than a parent, who are all, after all, older than we are. Back in the 1980s I lost a close friend, bigger than I was, who swapped work on our farms, jobs that took two big guys.

    He got lymphoma and died in something like 8 or 9 months.

    It was hard for his family, and for the friends and neighbors who knew him well.

    So I know how hard this is for you. I’m really sorry to hear of this shocking event in your life.

    Try hard to take care of yourself in these winter months.

  106. 106.

    SligoRover1973

    Cole – re: the mattress, look into buying from Saatva. High quality mattresses for a fraction of the cost and only sold online. IIRC, you get 90 days to try it out and if you don’t like it, they come pick it up for a refund. I have a king size myself and will never buy from a brick and mortar mattress store again. That experience is too akin to going to a used car lot, IMHO.

  108. 108.

    Mary G

    I was checking out the mattresses people mentioned in the thread and the Tuft&Needle on Amazon has this feature:

    Has bounce for night activities

    That cracked me up.

    Svensker and Aleta: these terrible things happening at the holidays is terrible. Hugs to you both and your friends and family too.

  110. 110.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Aleta:

    “I am so sorry” — such inadequate words, but please know they are sincere. That is very sad news. I hope your niece can be made entirely comfortable during the time she has remaining to her.

  112. 112.

    laura

    Also, feel free to hate on Mitt Romney. It was Bain Capital that bought Simmons Mattress and came up with the genius idea of the pillow top mattress. You can’t flip it, so it wears out 50% faster and forces you to buy a new one way sooner than you otherwise would have. And that’s the new industry standard.

  117. 117.

    Brachiator

    @BillinGlendaleCA:

    There is no mustard. Mustard is a nasty rumor promulgated by the forces of evil.

    Love mustard. Was recently talking about the fun of watching tourists pouring on the mustard onto French Dip sandwiches at Philippe’s restaurant in downtown LA and asking themselves “how hot could it be? Everyone seems to be eating it OK.”

  121. 121.

    MomSense

    @Svensker:

    I’m so sorry, Svensker. I’m right there with you. Went to pick up my friend’s car keys two days ago so I could shovel out her car and move it for her. Found the DNR on the outside of her door. I kept it together until I got back outside and then cry shoveled for an hour.

  123. 123.

    raven

    @Svensker: Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. My boss has been fighting breast cancer for a couple of years and the last tests were not good. She goes in for a PET scan after the holidays but it’s not encouraging.

  124. 124.

    Mnemosyne

    Waiting for the dealership to send a guy over to pick me up so I can retrieve my car from the service department. Of course a fuse failed 3 months after the warranty ended. At least it’s going to cost me less than $150. Still annoying.

  126. 126.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    @Mnemosyne:

    Perhaps the universe is telling you something.

    This is possible, maybe I’m just hard of hearing.

    In other news, went out to get some ink to fill in the tat I got on my ankle about 6 months ago, chickened out yet again.

  127. 127.

    MomSense

    @R-Jud:

    You are raising the next Meryl Streep. Good for you!

    Sorry to hear about the dental woes but I’m glad you found someone who is finally listening to you.

  128. 128.

    Hafabee

    We recently bought this mattress for less than $400. Combo foam plus inner coil springs. From Amazon, came rolled up in a BIG and HEAVY box, but was delivered by UPS. We paired it with this frame. So far we are happy with them.

  130. 130.

    Mnemosyne

    The next time we buy a mattress (which will be sooner rather than later), I’m tempted to get one from Marriott. They are the only hotel mattress that doesn’t hurt my lower back.

    Either that, or a Sleep Number bed. Everyone I know that has one loves it.

  131. 131.

    Miss Bianca

    Oh, John, I feel your pain. I’ve been spending my days on the other end of the consumer exchange – having to be pleasant to Amazon customers. Most of them are very nice, but there are a few who are absolute prima donnas. It’s 20/80 rule with them, and it saps my energy.

    And it doesn’t help when Amazon keeps linking our product information to the wrong product pages, so people yell at me for sending them finish nails when they were expecting barbell handles, but all I can say is, “it’s not my fault, honest!”

  132. 132.

    randy khan

    @gene108:

    My wife and I go to New York on the Santa Con weekend almost every year. I describe it as the second drunkest day of the year in New York. (March 17 is the overall winner on that score.) In the early years, at least, there was a sort of parade where you’d see hundreds of people in some vague semblance of a Santa suit, an elf outfit, a Mrs. Claus costume or, occasionally, dressed as a reindeer. It’s kind of amusing at a distance.

  137. 137.

    MoxieM

    I have had a Tuft n Needle 10″ for 2 years, and I love it. (Started with the 5″ back when they sold it, but it was a bit too cotton-futon-like for me). I have severe back issues, and fibromyalgia. I just added a 2″ latex pad to prolong the life of the mattress, and it’s just my own little slice of heaven. It’s on a low wood platform bed that I bought on the intertubes and built myself, easy-peasy. Best bed ever.

    Of course in my daughter’s room I have a high style antique Gothic Revival maple bed of indescribable beauty, with top of the line Stearns and Foster mattress and low box spring. the conventional full/double almost kinda doesn’t quite fit the antique, but, holy damn, it’s gorgeous.

    And I’ll sleep on the Tuft & Needle any day, for comfort. Matter of individual preference.

  140. 140.

    satby

    @satby: especially for this:

    That was approximately when I realized that people who think I swear too much would probably be horrified and work to have me institutionalized if they ever hear my inner monologue when I am in public

    because I’m pretty sure people would think that of me too.

  145. 145.

    Lee

    FYI, if you buy a cheap mattress and then throw one of those temperpedic toppers on it. It is an outstanding bed.

    I was leery of how hot those toppers would be but was surprised that they are not at all hot to sleep on.

  146. 146.

    hovercraft

    @MomSense:
    I keep hoping praying that this Annus horribilis end as soon as possible, but then I remember all that 2017 has in store for us, and them I get depressed. The only good thing is that I’m angry depressed. Who knew that was a thing.

  152. 152.

    bemused

    @Mnemosyne:

    The cat coming home with collar from the second family was too funny. Neither family must wear much cologne or someone would have wondered who kitty was hanging out with that smelled so nice.

  153. 153.

    SteveKnNKY

    this was my over the edge today. if you weren’t a prep’r, you need to be.
    President-elect Donald Trump’s transition team announced Thursday that Fox News commentator Monica Crowley would join his administration’s National Security Council.

  154. 154.

    Singing Truth to Power

    John Cole, if someone hasn’t already suggested it, consider options other than conventional mattresses – like Casper, Brooklyn Bedding, others in the $700-$1100 range, and supremely comfortable (and with good warranties). Check out Sleepopolis.com for lots of good info.

  156. 156.

    Pogonip

    @Shana: I guess I should have opened that one. Thank you! I googled “Bavarian mustard” and the descriptions I found were equivocal.

  161. 161.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @SteveKnNKY:

    Donald Trump’s transition team announced Thursday that Fox News commentator Monica Crowley would join his administration’s National Security Council.

    Is she the one who cozied up to Nixon? (For some reason I confuse, or conflate, the Nixon woman with the woman who insinuated herself into J. D. Salinger’s life. Can’t remember her name.)

    EDIT: Joyce Maynard. Thank you, Google.

  163. 163.

    hovercraft

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    Yes Crowley was a Nixonite, she wormed her way into his administration at the ripe old age of 22. She is a terrible person, I’ve had the displeasure of listening to her on the radio, she is mean spirited, ala Mark Levin.

  165. 165.

    Svensker

    @MomSense: OMG, that is so horrible. Hugs

    @Aleta: I am so so sorry. That is way too young. My friend was older but not at all ready to go — but at least she’d had a chance at life, raised a wonderful son and saw him married, enjoyed herself. We’re going to miss her terribly and it is such a shock because she was fine just a few weeks ago.

    Thank you all for the support and for sharing your own stories of loss. It really does help. My friend died this afternoon. Godspeed, dear one.

  166. 166.

    Seanly

    @drdavechemist:

    My company had us do a driving training video a couple of years ago. The video claimed that the most damage per miles driven happen when in reverse (you drive a lot less in reverse, usually and your sight lines, etc are all f’ed up). They recommended either pulling through when you park (as well as parking slightly further away to avoid dings) or reversing into the spot (if you’re in a garage). Pulling through to leave is not recommended precisely of what almost happened to JC. The other big recommendation – leave lots of distance especially on highways. If people start filling that distance, drop back to maintain it. (yes, i am aware that is standard advice).

  167. 167.

    ET

    I almost hate to say that my day was better than yours but given your account that may not be saying much.

  170. 170.

    Yarrow

    I read that a good thing to do for mattresses is to find a local manufacturer. If you live in or near a city you might have one near you. My across the street neighbor did that and she had great luck with them. Went to their manufacturing facility and bought a new mattress for a fraction of what the stores charge. They delivered it and took away her old one.

    Also, too, Costco.

  171. 171.

    frosty

    My fucking day? I’m on my third day of a cold, it’s 14 degrees outside, and I haven’t stayed home from work because a) the work still has to get done and b) America, in its infinite shitty wisdom, has decided that instead of separate vacation and sick time like I had when I started out, now we get one pool of “leave”. So I’ve been at work sneezing, sniffling, and coughing so I have enough time off for a vacation next year. I only hope that I passed this on to the President and CEO.

  173. 173.

    Mnemosyne

    @frosty:

    I only hope that I passed this on to the President and CEO.

    Go cough on his/her office door handle, just to be sure. ?

  175. 175.

    Aleta

    @Svensker: I’m so sorry for your loss of such a good friend. I think the sudden rapid progression is one thing that makes it so hard, no matter how old. The trying to adjust fast enough and just can’t keep up with the shocks.

    Thanks for everyone’s kind words.

  176. 176.

    Gemina13

    Well . . . I have a permanent job. 90 days’ probation, true, but it’s better than the temp gigs I’ve had ever since moving to WA in 2011.

    I also have a doctor nagging me to come in for a uterine biopsy, so there’s that to balance it out.

    And my muse just woke up after years of depression-fueled writer’s block to kick me in the ass. I’m spending more time plotting scenes than I am reading my favorite political blogs. It’s almost a relief to write something that doesn’t contain “Trump” and every expletive I learned at my mother’s knee.

    And it’s nearly fucking Christmas. Since Mom’s death, I’ve had little taste for the holiday, but this year, I’m suddenly feeling mellow and jolly. Ho ho fucking ho, everybody.

  178. 178.

    Eric U.

    they are fracking in West by God Virginia and the out of work coal miners aren’t lined up in the woods with sniper rifles?

  179. 179.

    NotMax

    So all in all a typical day.

    You live alone. Queen size not big enough? (Can almost see the post now – “pulled my shoulder out of whack while trying to put new sheets on the damn king size bed.”)

    Have found stores specializing in mattresses run from mildly to wildly overpriced. Better value at places like Costco or Sears. Also too places that sell furnishings and mattresses from hotels or resorts (if buying second hand doesn’t creep you out).

  180. 180.

    Gemina13

    @Svensker:

    I’m so sorry. 2016 seems like it’s been especially brutal in terms of losing loved ones. Please give my condolences to the family.

  182. 182.

    Gemina13

    @laura:

    A friend and I were commiserating about both of us having anemia (she’s iron-deficient; I’m both iron and B12-deficient), and being prescribed 325 mg of Feosol to combat it. She was told to take it twice a day. Six days later she went back to her doctor and asked to cut back on the dosage. Her exact words were: “I shouldn’t hear it clang when it hits the bowl.”

    (Friend since discovered she had severe endometriosis and fibroids that necessitated the removal of her uterus. For Christmas, I’m going to send her a bar of chocolate shaped like an ingot.)

    @Aleta: Dear God, Aleta, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry. 2016 can get fucked with a rusty chainsaw.

  184. 184.

    Larkspur

    @joel hanes:

    When my day goes like that, I abort the mission and go home and nap.

    That was my psychiatrist’s first choice of prescription medication: a nap and a snack. I miss him. He had to retire due to health reasons. I miss him a lot. Nap and snack time.

  185. 185.

    Lizzy L

    @Lee: Worked for me. I bought an inexpensive Ikea mattress about 10 years ago, and put a 2 1/2 inch memory foam topper from Costco on top of it. I’ve been extremely comfortable. This year the topper broke down — it became very soft — so I replaced it with a new 3 inch topper, again memory foam, from Best Buy. It’s also very comfortable. The warranty says it will last 15 years. If it lasts 10 I’ll be delighted. When I need to replace the mattress I’ll probably go back to Ikea.

  186. 186.

    catbirdman

    Yes, go to http://sleepopolis.com. We bought a king-sized Leesa mattress from there about 10 months ago. Very reasonable price, comes to your house in a box, and sets up in a minute. Super duper comfortable, and even my wife loves it. And she doesn’t love all that many things. Comes with a guarantee, too — I think you just have to keep it a month or something, to give it a chance, before they’ll take it back. But you won’t want to give it back!

  190. 190.

    Elizabelle

    Is Steve back yet? In a holiday collar, or not?

    Too cold for that cat to be roaming. Get yer ass home, Steve.

  191. 191.

    Larkspur

    @Mnemosyne: Oof. I know what you mean. If I had the choice of perfectly normal, comfortable digestive functioning, with the price being going bald, I’m pretty damn sure I’d go bald. There are lovely scarves. And I could rent out my head-space for advertising.

    I know, I know. Be careful what you wish for.

  192. 192.

    Tenar Arha (same Tenar, more Nameless Ones)

    Oh, you know, went to out of date & wrong location for lunch. And because I was pissed off & decided I wanted a coffee, I stepped into a hole in the sidewalk & rolled my right ankle. Thought I got away relatively unscathed…until my after dinner trip to pick up groceries. (Grocery carts do make decent walkers, but do nothing for pain by the way). Got through to the 24 hour nursing line with my insurance company & they basically walked me through the checklist I expected with the instructions I expected. I’m to consult my doctor (or urgent care facility if she’s unavailable) tomorrow, ice, ibuprofen & okay to wrap the ankle in the meantime.

    Also, it’s effing more than freezing outside (17′ F & falling, double ugh).

  193. 193.

    JustRuss

    So yesterday we got our first snow in a couple years. I decided to walk the mile or so to my mom’s house to check on her. Hardly anyone’s driving, the streets are spooky quiet. Nice.

    I head home at 9:00, and as I leave I hear some jack ass drifting his car through the neighborhood. He stops a few houses away, and drops off a passenger. Drives off, turns around and drifts his way back past me. And drifting isn’t enough, he has to rev his motor, spin the wheels, slow down, and repeat. Like every 5 seconds. And two minutes later he passes me again, because he just had to spin his way up the hill, then turn around and pass me again. I could hear him doing his stupid revving schtick for another minute after he passed me for the third damn time.

    Fucking people.

  195. 195.

    SWMBO

    @gogol’s wife: My disabled son asked my mother (his grandmother) who she was voting for. I didn’t hear her side of the phone conversation but he got agitated and said,”What are you voting for that asshole for? He doesn’t like disabled people like me!”

    When we were at her house years ago, she had on Fox News and he asked her how she could understand anything they were saying. He told her they sounded like a bunch of howler monkeys. I couldn’t agree more….

  196. 196.

    thomas bokuniewicz

    John, I don’t think I have ever posted here but that toilet? My man, it is heaven. My family are big shitters and man…everyone I talk to I recommend that toilet to and they LOVE it. Never will thou neediest a plunger…

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