AUTHOR’S NOTE: I originally published this absolutely true story here at Balloon Juice a little over three years ago. In the spirit of the season, and as we contemplate our country being overrun by a ravenous horde of vermin in a metaphorical sense, I thought I’d rerun it.
My sister and I discussed the incident for the first time in years last week at the annual Drunken Aunties Cookie Bake-Off, and while our recollections tracked closely for the most part, she wasn’t sure if she was costumed as a fly or a roach for the Christmas parade described below. I am sure: She was a roach.
A fly doesn’t make sense logically. You don’t call a pest control company in Florida to get rid of houseflies. It could happen, but it would be an unusual situation, like if a giant python crawled into your wall and died. Far more typical would be to call a pest control service to eradicate roaches and exterminate rats. Anyhoo, without further ado…
THE PESTIVUS PARADE: A TRUE STORY
I grew up in a small coastal town in Florida. Every year there was an annual holiday parade featuring an honor guard, Future Farmers of America, the school marching band, floats sponsored by local merchants and Santa and his elves on the town fire truck.
One year, my younger sister and I got to be in the parade. We were about five and six at the time, so when we were told that we were actually going to be on a float in the parade instead of mere spectators, it was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to us.
Even when our mom told us we would be riding on the Florida Pest Control float (a display sponsored by the exterminator business where our grandfather worked at the time) and costumed as vermin, it didn’t dampen our enthusiasm. At least, not until we saw our costumes, which our mom spent days sewing for us. I was to dress as a rat, and that was okay with me:
However, my sister had to be a cockroach, and she was NOT happy about that, even though our mom had cleverly used fishing line to make the costume’s fake roachy arms move whenever my sister moved her real arms:
And in truth, my sister did have a legitimate complaint, since, in an attempt to get the proportions right, our mom had made a roach costume that tightly restricted the wearer’s movements. Most of my sister’s real legs were encased in the padded felt roach carapace, with just her shins and feet sticking out of a fairly small opening at the bottom:
This design forced her to take baby steps in the costume. After trying it on, she asked why she couldn’t be the rat and I couldn’t be the roach. But mom pointed out that as the eldest, I was the tallest, and it wouldn’t be logical for a roach to be taller than a rat, not even in Florida.
When the evening of the parade finally arrived, we went down to the beginning of the route to meet up with the Florida Pest Control float crew. The float was a livestock trailer attached to a pest control truck. Someone had fashioned giant ants out of red Styrofoam balls and pipe-cleaners and wired them randomly over the float’s exterior.
On the float, there was a bin filled with candy as well as a box of flyswatters emblazoned with the Florida Pest Control logo. We were to throw handfuls of candy to parade goers (I guess it never occurred to anyone that people might be reluctant to accept candy from vermin). We were also instructed to “gently toss” flyswatters into the crowd. My sister was still seething about the roach costume as our father hoisted us onto the float.
A more empathetic sibling might have offered comfort, but I threatened to beat the shit out of my sister if she didn’t stop whining. Thus, we both began the parade in a foul mood, expressing our ire by hurling candy with great force at other children and attempting to hit as many people in the face with the flyswatters as we could:
You could say the crowd wasn’t on our side. But then the Florida Pest Control float came to an abrupt halt, possibly to avoid bumping into the float in front of it. Since I had unrestricted use of my legs, I was able to maintain my balance. But my sister’s costume tripped her when the truck lurched, and she fell against the railing of the float, clinging to it and wailing piteously.
At that moment, I happened to have a flyswatter raised high over my head, intent on hurling it full-force at my Sunday school teacher, whom I’d spotted in the crowd. But then I noticed my roach-sister splayed on the railing in front of me, emitting annoying howls. I began swatting her padded carapace, which didn’t actually hurt her, but was still fun. The crowd went wild:
The end.
Aleta
You had me at
>Santa and his elves on the town fire truck.<
Ridnik Chrome
“It never occurred to anyone that people might be reluctant to accept candy from vermin.” Priceless…
hovercraft
LOL. Parents and kids can be so cruel. I see you came by your sadistic streak honestly.
Elizabelle
You’re just reminding us this post deserves submitting for Jon Swift’s blog awards, no?
Happy spirit of the season to you and yours and chickens, Ms. Cracker.
SiubhanDuinne
Weeping with mirth here.
Oatler.
The Year I Almost Hated Christmas the Most Ever Until I Read This
OzarkHillbilly
Heh. I like.
hovercraft
Speaking of vermin.
This Private Prisons CEO Is Super Excited About Jailing ‘Unique Populations’ Under Donald Trump
Corrections Corporation of America (CCA) CEO Damon Hininger said this week that he expects profits to soar under the new president’s immigration policy.
Although CCA’s stock dipped over the summer after the Justice Department announced plans to phase out the use of private prisons, Donald Trump’s win caused the company’s share price to skyrocket 43 percent on election day alone.
In a Tuesday interview with CNBC, Hininger said that CCA, which recently began rebranding itself as CoreCivic, saw a several opportunities in the first year of Trump’s presidency, including a need for increased detention capacity for the housing of undocumented immigrants.
“You guys profit if there’s more people in jail,” CNBC host Brian Sullivan noted. “And that’s not a way any company should be run. You have contracts and limits that say, well, you need to have 90 percent occupancy in a prison.”
Hininger argued that Sullivan’s charge was “baloney” because the company encourages inmates not to re-offend by offering education and vocational programs.
“We’re providing a great service!” the CEO insisted. “We’re making sure these individuals once they’re released, they can support themselves and their family and not come back into the criminal justice system. That’s great value to the government.”
Hininger said that the company could “look forward to” a number of favorable circumstances in the next year under the new president.
“First of all, there’s immigration,” he explained. “If there is a need for more detention capacity on the border, we can provide that solution or if there’s a unique population that we need to help serve with ICE.”
Additionally, Hininger sees an upside in Trump’s promise to rebuild infrastructure, which he believes can be provided by the private prison industry.
“A lot of discussion with the Trump administration about criminal justice reform,” he promised.
Gin & Tonic
So I prepared one of these late last night, for roasting on Sunday. If I don’t succumb to an MI after eating it, I’ll report back. We’ve never done one of these before.
danielx
Are you sure about that? I’ve seen roaches in FL that were actually wearing boots.
Gin & Tonic
@hovercraft: How do people like that sleep at night?
I’m reminded of a few years ago, when my car broke down in some small town near Rutland, VT. Several people recommended a small, out-of-the-way garage for the repair – it was basically a mechanic and his helper, and the mechanic’s wife running the books. I was convinced it was something quite major, as all the symptoms were consistent with that. He was really backed up with work and it took a few weeks to fix the car. I came back to pick it up, and it had turned out to be a fairly minor thing, with a bill around $300. I paid and said to the guy: “you could have told me anything, and charged way more.” He replied “I like to sleep at night.”
jeffreyw
@Gin & Tonic: I’ve been wanting to do that thing for years but I’m too lazy to order one from the meat processor we go to for such stuff.
hovercraft
@Gin & Tonic:
What time should I be there? You are within driving distance of Jersey right?
Gin & Tonic
@jeffreyw: After I get back from my angioplasty I’ll let you know how it worked out.
OzarkHillbilly
@Gin & Tonic: Looks good, I’ve read of them and like Jeff been wanting to do one.
hovercraft
@Gin & Tonic:
He sleeps really well, his bosses, his share holders are getting it coming and going, more people to incarcerate, and more money by providing ‘slave’ labor. If the infrastructure package was ever actually passed, which constituency would win out, the people willing to provide slave labor, or the morons out there who voted to bring jobs back to America? Hiring foreigners for your swanky club and vineyard has not opened any eyes, so I’m sure his superfans would just chalk it up to business savvy.
These people have no soul. no conscience, the only reason the shitgibbon can’t sleep at night, is because he knows that people hate him. Not the harm he will bring to millions, no the fact that he is universally loved and admired.
Citizen_X
@hovercraft: And the sign over the entrance to the facilities “serving” those new populations will read “Arbeit Macht Profit.”
Yarrow
Best Christmas story ever!
Betty Cracker
@hovercraft: A relative of mine is a corrections officer working for the government, and his experience w/ CCA may provide a preview of what we can expect on the federal level with the shitgibbon. The governor here (Rick Scott) is a big shitgibbon supporter and world-class grifter too, and he was anxious to get CCA in, ostensibly to “reduce costs” but surely to receive kickbacks in some way.
What they did was set up CCA facilities to handle part of the inmate population and compare their results to the government-run prisons, and what do you know — the CCA facilities were more efficient, which gave Scott ammo to try to push prison privatization. But my relative says it was a total scam — CCA cherry-picked the healthiest, most compliant inmate populations and left the government-run facilities to deal with the worst of the worst as well as the sickest, so of course their costs were much higher.
It’s similar to the scams they’ve run with charter schools. It’s all about the shakedown.
Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class
@hovercraft:
I hate this fucking country.
TaMara (HFG)
Great story, worth the repeat!
hovercraft
@Betty Cracker:
Funny how that contradicts the findings of the Justice Department, of course they were not intent on creating a set of circumstances that would result in creating more profits for their friends and donors. If only there was a congressional entity* that could study the effectiveness of privatization of government functions, and how the promised “efficiency and cost savings” have panned out. They could look at things like Blackwater, Halliburton, Immigrant detention centers, prisons, and on and on. Why do the democrats let them get away with this shit? None of these schemes have saved us one red cent, and none of the providers are doing a better job than the government did, they just donate a lot more money to our corrupt representatives to ensure they the money keeps flowing.
* The Congressional Research Service has become so degraded, underfunded, understaffed, and cowed, that it can no longer do it’s job. In trying to avoid the same fate as the Office of Technology Assessment. The CRS and the GAO are now almost completely useless, just as the GOP wants them to be.
Roger Moore
@Gin & Tonic:
Rationalization. If somebody he weren’t doing it, somebody else would, and he’s being more careful and humane than anyone else would be, and the free market demands it, etc. Most people don’t sell their souls in one big transaction; it’s a tiny piece at a time with each separate rationalization.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
These miserable fucking cowards
this guy’s a Biden/Kerry staffer, so “one side says…., the other side says, who can judge?”
Gordon Schumway
@Betty Cracker: And the other CCA, Cancer Centers of America.
p.a.
@Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class: I’m with you. Social Security was passed 80 fucking years ago, and there’s still the need to defend it every 2 years, despite its obvious benefits.
#thereshouldhavebeentumbrels
Bobby D
Are they less scary when you swamp dwellers call them “palmetto bugs”?
I don’t care what the denizens of America’s wang wants to call them, cause to me they’re freakin’ roaches, and they’re HUGE.
Botsplainer, Cryptofascist Tool of the Oppressor Class
@p.a.:
We really missed out on those FEMA re-education camps for white Christian conservatives.
I blame Obama for being too lazy, ignorant and feckless to set up the very thing that he’d been relentlessly, brilliantly and fiendishly planning for the last 20 years.
trollhattan
@Gin & Tonic:
Oh dayummmm! Never heard of it before. Now want.
hovercraft
From Bloomberg, via GOS
This is absolutely rich—congressional Republicans want to make Donald Trump do the really dirty work of getting rid of all the good stuff Obamacare does for everyone.
Facing a years-long wait before they can fully implement a planned repeal of Obamacare, Republicans lawmakers are exploring how the Trump administration can quickly trim required health insurance benefits under the law and lower the cost of health plans, said key GOP congressional aides. […]
Known as “essential health benefits,” the benefit requirements being examined are 10 broad categories of services all ACA plans must cover, such as preventive and wellness care, mental-health services and prescription drugs. Other options the administration could take quickly include narrowing the times and circumstances when people can sign up for coverage under the law, or letting states get more waivers from requirements under the law, according to the Republican aides.
That’s all the stuff that everyone is benefitting from, not just Obamacare customers. So yeah, no more free birth control, or flu shots, or mammograms or colonoscopies. No more free annual physicals. Let Trump take the fall on that one, these Republicans are saying, and tell him it’s because it’s the fastest way to get the law repealed.
The new catch phrase: “Make Health Insurance Crappy Again!”
GOP Wants Trump to Trim ACA Benefits, Say Congress Aides
CaseyL
A true classic; BJ’s own “Christmas Story”! Thanks for posting it again!
chris
That’s a great story! Merry Christmas to all the Crackers!
On a darker note, North Carolina is no longer a functioning democracy. More of a banana republic actually.
jenn
This is brilliant! I laughed until I couldn’t breathe, and the tears ran. Thanks, Betty!
Roger Moore
@Gordon Schumway:
That’s Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Don’t get me started on any hospital that isn’t an NCI designated Cancer Center using “Cancer” and “Center” in their name.
jk
Update on the Rockettes performing for the inauguration of President Elect Pussy Grabber
h/t http://www.broadwayworld.com/article/Update-Rockettes-Union-Calls-Boycotting-Inauguration-Invalid-20161223#
Gordon Schumway
@Roger Moore: Thanks for the correction.
JPL
Betty, Reposting the story should be an annual tradition.
Mnemosyne
@hovercraft:
I’m guessing that “unique populations” is also for when they start rounding up and interning Muslims.
mai naem mobile
Betty you are a really good satirical writer. We’re lucky to have you as a FPger at BJ.
oklahomo
After the shitgibbon’s nuclear war, this may change.
hilts
@hovercraft:
“I want the CCA deal stopped now!” – Howard Beale
mai naem mobile
@Mnemosyne: Wonder what they’ll do when the RWNJs find out that rounding up the Muslins won’t get rid of terrah.
jeffreyw
Thread needs moar tacos!
hovercraft
Getting the Lost Obama Voters Back
by Martin Longman
December 23, 2016 11:56 AM
ETA: While the post is interesting, I almost want to discount everything he has to say, because he barely mentions the issue of gender. Misogyny has to be a bigger part of every discussion of what the hell just happened.
mai naem mobile
I found out a few months ago a guy I worked with and went to college with is a lobbyist in AZ for CCA. I knew he was a Republican (he worked for Jim Kolbe) but Kolbe was a moderate and this guy didn’t come across as a nutjob. To lobby for CCA just means you’ve sold your soul.
hovercraft
Your PEOTUS America.
via TPM
ETA: Perhaps CCA can step in to fill the gaping hole left by Eric’s absence.
Roger Moore
@mai naem mobile:
They don’t want to get rid of terrorism; they want to be the ones terrorizing others instead of being terrorized.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
paid one of the golf courses almost $80 grand to host an invitational fund-raiser
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
I agree. It’s every bit as funny as David Sedaris’ “Crumpet the Macy’s Elf” story, which “Morning Edition” played again today for the ivelostcountofhowmanytimesth year in a row.
In fact, I think Betty should record herself reading the “Pestivus Parade” story aloud, submit it to NPR, and give Sedaris a proper run for his money.
Hungry Joe
Betty’s story is right up there with Jean Shepherd’s “A Christmas Story” and Allie Brosh’s “The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas.”
Yeah, it should run every year.
trollhattan
Any discussion of CCA must include this undercover investigation. Maybe the best piece of reporting I read all year.
Mnemosyne
Oh and, yes, I do enjoy the annual posting of the Pestivus Parade. The illustrations are what make it, for me.
LongHairedWeirdo
I think you matched (I feel no one will *ever* exceed) the ruination of Christmas by Kenny Loggins: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/12/year-kenny-loggins-ruined-christmas.html
germy
Here’s what happens when you change the term “political correctness” to “treating people with respect”
hovercraft
Here is POLITICO earning their access, they are trying to normalize this shit, while telling us that it is unprecedented.
DAY 44 in WASF
Trump writing his own White House rules
He is shining a light on how much of the American political system is encoded in custom and how little is based in the law.
By Annie Karni
| 12/23/16 05:58 AM EST
President-elect Donald Trump has said he might do away with regular press briefings and daily intelligence reports. He wants to retain private security while receiving secret service protection, even after the inauguration. He is encouraging members of his family to take on formal roles in his administration, testing the limits of anti-nepotism statutes. And he is pushing the limits of ethics laws in trying to keep a stake in his business.
In a series of decisions and comments since his election last month — from small and stylistic preferences to large and looming conflicts — Trump has signaled that he intends to run his White House much like he ran his campaign: with little regard for tradition. And in the process of writing his own rules, he is shining a light on how much of the American political system is encoded in custom, and how little is based in the law…..
It remains to be seen whether he will file a personal financial disclosure during his first year in office. Presidents are not legally required to do so, but all have since 1978.
“If it’s not written down, you can get away with it. That’s the new premise. And that’s pretty staggering,” said Trump biographer Gwenda Blair, author of “The Trumps: Three Generations that Built an Empire.” ……..
Republicans close to Trump also appear to be egging him on in terms of how much freedom he has as president.
Trump can rely on “the power of the pardon” to organize his White House any way he pleases, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich bragged in an NPR interview on Monday. “It’s a totally open power,” Gingrich said. “He could simply say, ‘Look, I want them to be my advisers. I pardon them if anyone finds them to have behaved against the rules. Period. Technically, under the Constitution, he has that level of authority.”
Trump’s top aides claim his approach is consistent with the person America elected and his campaign promises to be a different kind of president. And longtime associates said they expect Trump to be emboldened to make his own rules by his unexpected victory that he delivered by relying mostly on his own instincts and disregarding the conventional wisdom of campaigns……
“People will have to get used to the fact that President Donald Trump isn’t going to be judged by other presidential standards,” said Louise Sunshine, a Miami Beach-based real estate developer who worked for Trump for 15 years and remains close with the family. “He’s not a politician. He owes nothing to anybody.”….
________________________________________________
WTF, he owes everything to the American people who he will soon represent. The fact that his “win” was a surprise doesn’t change the fact that he now works for us.
It’s really long so click over to read the rest.
Elizabelle
@jk: The Rockettes were there in 2001 and 2005. No mention of intervening Inaugurations.
Hmmmm…..
hovercraft
Read: Putin’s Christmas Letter To Donald Trump
On Friday, Trump’s transition team blasted out a Christmas letter from Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“A very nice letter from Vladimir Putin; his thoughts are so correct. I hope both sides are able to live up to these thoughts, and we do not have to travel an alternate path,” President-elect Trump said of the letter.
Putin’s letter is short, but offers Trump a holiday greeting and a glimpse of the kind of relationship Putin is looking for from Trump.
“I hope that after you assume the position of the President of the United States of America we will be able – by acting in a constructive and pragmatic manner– to take real steps to restore the framework of bilateral cooperation in different areas as well as bring our level of collaboration on the international scene to a qualitatively new level,”
Putin wrote according to the letter provided from the Trump campaign.
Putin ended “please accept my my sincere wishes to you and your family of sound health, happiness and well being, success and all the best.”
Read the whole letter here:
Seanly
@hovercraft:
Sigh. Road & bridge construction has advanced quite a bit since we had chain gangs smashing rocks for sub base. Most contractors aren’t going to want unskilled prisoners operating heavy equipment.
Also, despite Putin’s Xmas letter calling for cooperation, etc., it looks like Trump wants a new arms race. Putin and a bunch of his Russian oligarchs must have a bunch of money in arms developers.
Miss Bianca
@LongHairedWeirdo: yup – just by chance, I noticed that exactly a year ago, I re-posted that story on the Book of Faces. Still makes me weep with laughter. The Pestivus Parade is right up there, too!
Elizabelle
@jk:
That is fucking chilling. Maybe they will fire the Rockettes, one and all. But maybe the Rockettes should force the issue.
Would the union support them while out of work?
Trentrunner
Maine’s Governor Carl Paladino, responding to the question, “What do you most want to happen in 2017?”:
Post-racial, y’all!
Elizabelle
@hovercraft:
Tee hee. Putin knows what he’s dealing with. A mentally unsound bounder.
SiubhanDuinne
@Trentrunner:
Did something happen to Paul LePage while we weren’t watching?
Elizabelle
@Elizabelle: D’oh. The letter is FROM the union. Missed that highly pertinent part.
Sad!
Elizabelle Litella
Trentrunner
@Trentrunner: Sorry, Paladino is Trump’s New York party chair, NOT Governor of Maine. Hard to keep the racist bigots straight these days…
Trentrunner
@SiubhanDuinne: See above. Sorry.
hilts
@hovercraft:
Annie Karni – another clueless, out to lunch doofus.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Trentrunner:
Carl Paladino is not the governor of Maine. He is an ex-politician in New York. (He might still be on some school board or something.) And you should have provided a link for that bullshit. It seems to come from ArtNoise.
hilts
@Elizabelle:
James Dolan, the CEO of MSG Entertainment, redefines the word sleazebag.
Ruckus
@hovercraft:
The point of a straight pin could fill the hole left by anyone with the name trump. Worthless fuckers. Not that they won’t try to prove their worth, it’s just more difficult to justify worth when the number is such a high negative.
randy khan
@Trentrunner:
Although the confusion is understandable, Carl Paladino is a dopey upstate New York politician; Paul LePage (who probably wishes he’d said those things) is the Governor of Maine.
germy
@Steeplejack (tablet): It’s in the Buffalo News:
http://buffalonews.com/2016/12/23/carl-paladinos-harsh-2017-wish-list-causes-firestorm-social-media/
HRA
@Trentrunner:
Carl Paladino is not governor of Maine. He is a school board member and real estate developer in Buffalo, NY. Someone not to be proud of here (insert all bad words you can think of to describe him justly)
I learned early in my life that racism has no land boundaries nor has it lessened with the years.
Trentrunner
@Steeplejack (tablet): Paladino is Trump’s New York State campaign chair. The article is from The Buffalo News, whose reporter called Paladino, who verified his comments.
So, whose side are you on? And, fuck off?
Feebog
Thank you Betty for the laffs. Came home from Mexico with a cold, and it is still lingering. At least I got out yesterday and finished my shopping. Wishing everyone a safe and cozy holiday weekend.
Ruckus
And Betty, a fine story! It was absolutely as good today as the first time.
It is the mark of a good tale that it can be told more than once and enjoyed every time. Have a friend who is also gifted in telling tales. I’ve heard the one of him working in the city zoo as a teenager at least 6 times, still know how it ends (haven’t heard it for at least 12 yrs!) and am more than willing to hear it again. And again…….
Elizabelle
@hilts: Yes.
From an article in The Atlantic:
Also, the Rockettes have only performed for GOP inaugurations. From their own website, under “history”:
Makes me wonder if the GW Bush inaugural committee was running into the same problems — that was another stolen election — and were just quieter about it.
Or maybe they just like beautiful dancing showgirls. The Rockettes added their first East Asian and their first African American dancers in 1985 and 1988, respectively. (Per wikipedia, anyway.)
Ridnik Chrome
@Trentrunner: He’s also the guy the Republicans ran against Andrew Cuomo in 2010.
gene108
@hovercraft:
GO TRUMP, GO!!!!
I hope his brazen contempt for “norms” leads to a level of corruption so staggering, so jaw dropping that it cannot be denied* and I want to watch the media weep as he ignores them completely and keeps in looting.
I think by year four, the White House Press Corpse will be disbanded because Trump will no longer talk to the media. He’ll communicate solely through Twitter and the media will be as clueless as the rest of us about what his 140 characters or less rants mean for our future.
* Somebody will find a way to deny it. I have no doubt, in this post-truth era.
Elizabelle
@gene108:
As a future possibility.
Silly Rabbit.
Steeplejack
@Trentrunner:
I am not on Paladino’s side. I am just sick and tired of people posting crap with no indication of the source. Is it satire? Spoof? The actual rantings of well-known GOP fucktard Carl Paladino? Made worse by the poster apparently not knowing that Paladino is not the governor of Maine.
That said, what do the rantings of well-known GOP fucktard Carl Paladino add to this thread or to this blog in general? Well-known GOP asshole says asshole things! Stop the presses! It seems clear that Paladino was (in his demented mind) having some fun saying outrageous things to the ArtNoise reporter. Wow, that’s certainly something he’s never done before.
So all you have is Paladino playing with his own poop and smearing it on the wall. Thanks, I’ll pass.
Elizabelle
@Steeplejack: Yeah. Nothing against Trentrunner, of course, but I get tired of the “now let’s look at this turd” that’s pretty common on Balloon Juice. Not that we don’t all do it, some more often than others.
I think it might be why a lot of commenters fall off. It gets to be too sour a read.
This is a dreadful year. Next year lines up to be worse. Time to keep in mind Abraham Lincoln’s quote (attributed to him, at least):
I think sometimes we need to be proactive to be happy. Which for me means no more broadcast news, and avoiding the sourest of news articles and blogs. I don’t give a fuck what Carl Palladino or Newt Gingrich or John Bolton any of those jackholes say. A passing glance is too much.
Why look for unhappiness?
Miss Bianca
@Elizabelle: Me, I plan to rest serenely in the knowledge that whatever heinous thing happens, from now on, no matter what, or when it occurs, or under whose watch…it’s ALL LIBERALS’ FAULT.
“She loved Big Brother” shall be my new epitaph.
Larkspur
@trollhattan: Thanks for the link to the excellent Bauer article on CCA – fascinating and horrifying.
Zinsky
Great story, Betty. I had to Google “carapace”. Florida is one strange place.
Roger Moore
@hovercraft:
The trick is that it’s much easier to win the economic message when the economy is bad- and it’s perceived as the Republicans’ fault- than when it’s good. So there’s likely to be a swing. At the top of the swing, the economy is OK, and the WWC go with the Republicans because of their identity message. Then the Republicans fuck up the economy, and the WWC swing back to the Democrats to fix it. Once it’s been fixed, the WWC swings back to the Republicans again. So we need to figure out a good form of the message “sure the economy is good, but don’t turn it over to the Republicans or they’ll fuck it up again”.
gratuitous
@danielx: It’s not nice to call Sen. Rubio a roach:
http://www.usnews.com/cmsmedia/7f/ea/0ddafaad4b81b90b54e11eec0de7/160112-rubioboots-editorial.jpg
mai naem mobile
I acruelly think lumpy messing with the Press is going to work out just fine. I think but he is going to end up getting at least half the Press looking for a really negative stories about his administration. Even with the internet you still need the Press. I personally think got the real big scandals are going to be uncovered by Foreign Press. Foreign Press doing stories in their own countries where Lumpy has hotels which the scandal is based on.
Miss Bianca
@Roger Moore: yes, but apparently we’re dealing with an American voting public – the white portion, anyway – that has the memory and brain capacity of a fruit fly. Because if didn’t, it wouldn’t even *need* that message – it would have absorbed it the first half-dozen times or so they’d seen it happen.
Elizabelle
@Miss Bianca: I truly do not know how Democrats compete in a country that has Fox News setting the frame for its politics.
They have brainwashed the WWC. A lot of these people started out as more complex thinkers, but Fox relentlessly repeats its propaganda. Even if you don’t believe it at the outset, you get sucked in, in some communities.
The Pale Scot
@Gin & Tonic:
Word
I decided that a while ago. No more sales or CS. Way less money, but my booze bills are way smaller too.
trollhattan
@Larkspur:
Thought I was reading a John Cheever novel, except truth being even grimier than fiction.
debbie
Betty, your sister reminds me of Scout. She wasn’t too thrilled with her costume either.
debbie
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
The GOP should be named as accessories when Russia’s meddling is announced.
The Pale Scot
My car is currently filled with presents for my neighbor’s (age 4-5) children. Over the past year I have entertained me mum with stories of my interactions with them and their mum’s precarious financial situation. A week ago she offered to get them presents instead of donating to Toys for Tots, which said mum couldn’t access because she didn’t have birth certificates. I’d like to drop them off at her mum’s house where they all are doing Xmas. Except the alcoholic pill popping step-grandad decided to go to the dog track. So I can’t drop these off and go to the beach because my car is packed with wrapped presents, and 2 ft tall Mickey & Minnie who are riding shotgun. I was hoping to pulled over for speeding up I-75 wearing Blues Brother’s sunglasses and telling the officer “I’m on a mission from Santa Claus”. I do that drive so often now I’m going 90 to 100, it’s a sucky drive.
I’m killing two birds with one stone. My sister and I didn’t have kids. The only cousins who have bred are the nuts. Mum has Grandparent’s Interruptus. So my very young really good friends get a decent Xmas and my mum gets her shoppin’ on.
Now if this fucker would be home like he’s suppose to..
I’m from Jersey, I’m a Facilitator.. giggle
Another Scott
@hovercraft: It doesn’t pass the smell test that the private sector is somehow cheaper or more efficient at doing core government functions like incarceration.
E.g. the Secretary of Defense runs a (roughly) $585 B annual budget and earns a salary of $204 k a year.
CCA/CoreCivic has roughly $1.9 B in annual revenue and its top management was paid up to $6 M a year recently.
Privatization of core government functions is never about “efficiency”. We know that. The “profit” and huge salaries/compensation that these entities squeeze from the contracts isn’t a reflection of “efficiency” (CCA’s top management isn’t 30X better than the SoD at running a system 1/300th the size), it’s a reflection of them finding ways to loot the treasury.
Cheers,
Scott.
James Powell
@hovercraft:
First, an idiot note. We could use another term for misogyny. I cannot count the number of times in the last year or so that I’ve had to explain what the word means. And then I get the eye roll and the “you and your fancy words all the time.” I don’t mean a euphemism, quit the opposite.
Second, until someone comes up with one, though, we have to use it because there’s no other word for it. A great many people, especially men but women too, cannot accept a woman in a position of authority generally, or in certain positions of authority, specifically. I’d say president is at the top of that list. I haven’t seen it discussed too much in this awful aftermath, but I’d bet that a generic male Democrat – white, over six foot, Christian, good hair, married with 2+ children – would have won all the swing states that Hillary lost. I’d bet that the swing to Trump in the last week was half Comey and half people who despite what they’d been thinking and saying for the last month or so, just could not go into the booth and pull the handle for a woman. I don’t have any anecdata to support this, but I’d like to know if anyone does.
Third, we need to give thought to what this campaign told us about women running for office. How they are constrained in ways that men are not. It wasn’t fair that it took a particular sort of black male with an extraordinary set of talents to become the first black president. (Contrast with a complete idiot with no apparent skills like GWB), but that’s what it took. Cf. Jackie Robinson. Do we insist that the country become more fair or do we find and support women who have the particular ways and the extraordinary talents it will take to become the first female president? And what are those ways and talents that will overcome a few thousand years of firmly fixed beliefs?
Roger Moore
@James Powell:
Sexism.
Mnemosyne
@James Powell:
Male chauvinism. Though that doesn’t cover the women who think the same way.
James Powell
@Elizabelle:
Agreed, but would add that it isn’t just FOX. It’s CNN, MSNBC, the NYT, and WaPo. The largest and most influential sources of what Americans call “the news” and the institutions that determine what stories are produced and how they are produced and characterized. I think it was Josh Marshall’s observation that the Beltway is “wired for Republicans” and I have no idea how that can be changed when the Republicans control all three branches every eight years.
hilts
@Elizabelle:
I was not born a pessimist, but it’s very difficult for me to view 2017 as anything other than a lose lose proposition.
I can barely find the words to adequately express my disgust and contempt for Donald Trump. Because I dislike this vulgarian, kleptocratic slob so much, part of me wants to see him embroiled in a scandal that would rise to a level that even House Republicans would turn against him and vote to impeach him and subsequently Sen Repubs would vote to remove him from office.
On the other hand obviously, this scenario would give us President Mike Pence.
Truth be told, I’m so disgusted at this point that even though I know Mike Pence might be a greater nightmare than Pres Trump, I’d accept that nightmare if it meant the opportunity to see Trump suffer the ultimate humiliation – removal from office resulting from high crimes and misdemeanors.
In any case, fuck Trump, his rotten children, and all the scumbags who’ll be serving in his dishonorable, deplorable, and corrupt administration.
Ruckus
@hilts:
Deserves to be made into neon and lit up all around the country. Flashing neon. Maybe billboards along every road. At the very least deserves to be repeated.
The Pale Scot
@Seanly:
That I doubt. My personal opinion is that 1/4 of Russian ICBMs would make out of their silos without blowing up. Maintaining rockets is a high tech, high performance operation with very narrow error bars. half the Russian population are functional alcoholics according to Viktor Belenko. It’s an old opinion but when Gorbachev tried to stop booze distribution there were riots. Nothing seems to have changed.
The missile subs might be better, but they have had multiple radioactive accidents with their missile subs.
If anything, this is Putin goading trump into a useless arm’s race.
wuzzat
@danielx: That was Marco Rubio.
hilts
@Ruckus:
Over the years, we’ve had our fair share of horrible presidents, but I believe, with every fiber of my being, that Donald Trump is the lowest form of humanity ever elected to this office.
Patricia Kayden
@Elizabelle: I’ll have to respectfully disagree with you on this. Reporting racist commentary from Republicans in leadership positions is important to me as a Black woman. It will never get to be tedious or boring to me to point out how dangerously racist Republicans have become and what they’ll tolerate.
Report it all!
Patricia Kayden
@Trentrunner: LGF has a post about this. Can’t even say I’m shocked. Don’t understand how Republicans get away with this nonsense. It’s beyond disturbing and should not be tolerated. Our side is going to have to be more aggressive in calling out this blatant racism.
Ruckus
@hilts:
Agreed. He is scum. Asshole scum. Scum that would make you have to throw away those shoes if you stepped in it. Before you walked another block. In the snow.
gogol's wife
@hilts:
Yep. So depressed right now.
fuckwit
@hovercraft: i’ve been told that sociopaths do not feel guilt or shame. they sleep just fine.
then again, maybe they don’t sleep well at all, and rage-tweet at 3am because they’re awake
Aleta
@jk: Resembles something Conway would write.
J R in WV
Betty,
Thanks for the laughter!
Great story!
JR hillbilly liberal
karen marie
@hovercraft: And I saw not a whit of a mention of gerrymandering which makes it impossible for Dems to win proportional to the votes they turn out. See, eg, North Carolina, Wisconsin.