I spent a significant and embarrassing amount of time in bed this morning lying there wondering if my pets could vote, who would they have voted for in 2016? Rosie and Thurston were the easiest to figure out, but Lily and Steve were tougher.
Thurston, of course, was easy. His main goal in life is to be disruptive, loud and barky, to tear up and destroy things, raise a ruckus, and to insert himself into the middle of everything. He’s also kind of dumb, so without question he is a Trump voter. I’m pretty sure he holds the same positions on climate change and evolution as most actual Trump voters, or at the very least understands the issues as well as them.
Rosie, of course, is smart, pragmatic, bitchy, doesn’t care about glitz and glitter, is willing to take things into her own hands (“I’m not gonna sit in the middle of this road all god damned day, and this moron has opened his car door, so in I go”), has a checkered past, isn’t liked by everyone, and when she wants something she just gets it done. So of course she is a Clinton supporter.
Lily was tougher. Lily is sort of apolitical. She’s just sweet, and nice, doesn’t care about the issues, just wants to be warm and happy for everyone to get along and to share the comforter and the treats. She would probably have been Bernie curious at first, but if a lot of her friends convinced her to vote for Clinton, she’d be ok with that too. She’d be absolutely horrified how mean the Trump people are, and would try to change the topic any time politics came up because it just makes her sad and she doesn’t understand why everyone just can’t be nice and sit on the lap like a good dog. Regardless, Lily forgot to register and didn’t get out from underneath the comforter to vote anyway.
Steve, on the other hand, has libertarian leanings, but is a ward of the welfare state. So while one might think he would be a Johnson/Weld voter, I’m betting there was no one who really suited him, so he probably just wrote in Queen Elizabeth the 2nd because if we can’t have freedom we might as well have some class and dignity.
At any rate, go Steelers.