Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

In my day, never was longer.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Accountability, motherfuckers.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

No one could have predicted…

Come on, man.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

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77Comments

  2. 2.

    Corner Stone

    Oh man. I’ve been trying to get comfortable watching this game but my Bösendorfer’s Syndrome has really kicked up this AM.

  10. 10.

    geg6

    @Corner Stone:

    It’s called mud. The Three Rivers are actually pretty clean these days. At least, compared to when steel was king. Not near as much pollution from the healthcare industry and Google.

  11. 11.

    cmorenc

    The two games I’ve tuned into today are both turning into blowouts before their respective first-halves are even over:
    – Chelsea vs Peterborough (the other kind of “football”)
    – UNC vs NC State (basketball).

  14. 14.

    gene108

    @geg6:

    Not near as much pollution from the healthcare industry and Google.

    That’s what they want you to think…they just shifted the sludge up…chemtrails, man…chemtrails…

  15. 15.

    trollhattan

    The tropical portion of the big CA storm has arrived and holy fvck, is it raining hard. NWS has kindly shifted from “flood watch” to “flood warning.” Yay, we’re going to be on the news!

  16. 16.

    CaseyL

    Oh, this is painful to watch. I’m no big fan of Miami- though my Mom is; she still lives in FL – but it’s no fun watching someone get pasted. (Well. Unless it’s your team doing the pasting. Then it’s great fun!)

  17. 17.

    JPL

    I’m going out on a limb here, but my prediction is a match up between the Texans and Patriots next week.

    @trollhattan: That’s not fun. Stay dry.

  20. 20.

    FlyingToaster

    HerrDoktor is in the basement cheering on the Dolphins (his team) while I’m up here overseeing WarriorGirl’s violin practice. Complete with me accompanying her (on guitar) for a fiddle piece. Next week it’s my team (Go Chiefs!).

    Then off to the showers, out to clean off the minivan and do the “what do we need for school/work lunches this week” shopping trip.

    We only got 8 inches of snow (and I pity the folks down on the Cape, it looks like hell). We waited to clear the 18″ “plow wall” until 10pm, so the final plow runs (after we went to bed) only kicked up about 6″ in front of the driveway. Driving from Auburndale, and to-n-from Cambridge yesterday was fine on the snow routes in AWD, and fucking painful the two blocks way from the snow route to/from my house. WarriorGirl had a nightmare last night about us driving in the snow.

  22. 22.

    Jeffro

    @JPL: would much rather have the Steelers and Patsies beating each other up while my Chiefs host the Texans…ah well…

  23. 23.

    Corner Stone

    Seriously. Matt Moore just got the everlasting shit knocked out of him. Gott im himmel.

    I have no idea how Matt Moore is up and walking around coherently right now.

  26. 26.

    HeleninEire

    Just googled Balloon Juice and the first search that came up was Balloon Juice Walter. I saw the Walter thread the morning after it was posted due to the time diff. I could not stop crying.
    I was in a tea shop and the owner came up to me and asked if I was OK. I actually said “my dog is dying.”

  27. 27.

    geg6

    The NHL must like Pittsburgh ratings. They allowed the Pens game to be moved from 1pm to 5pm to accommodate ‘Burgh fans. I am told that this rarely happens. Good sports day here today. My friend Val and her guy are going straight from Heinz Field to the PPG Paints Arena.

  28. 28.

    JPL

    @Jeffro: That can’t happen, since the Pats were the number one seed. If the game is a blowout, I hope the Pats will put in Jimmy Garoppolo. Next year he will probably be starting for someone else. My super bowl dream team would be the Falcons against the Pats. That would be a win for me.

    Corner, I do think that Houston’s defense is strong enough, that barring injury Jimmy Garoppolo, doesn’t see playing time.

  29. 29.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    I know this is hard to believe, but the waiting area at the tire place is not very well set up for watching the game. The TV keeps getting a stuttering “no signal” every minute or so, and it’s on the wall right next to a huge bank of 10-foot windows, so it’s hard to see with the glare. First World problems.

    On the plus side, new tires!

  36. 36.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    @James Powell:

    It was on something else when I came in. After I asked for it to be changed, I heard a voice in the back say, “Thank you!”

  40. 40.

    Corner Stone

    @JPL: Dude is clearly not coherent at the moment. He may not remember this entire half when he wakes up tomorrow.
    This is Colt McCoy territory again.

  41. 41.

    Corner Stone

    Moore got fucking leveled, at full speed by a full grown man who led with the crown of his helmet. Moore then got absolutely no concussion evaluation or protocol and was back in after one snap. I watched that play in real time and did not think he was going to be able to leave the field under his own power.
    There is absolutely no way Matt Moore should be in this game and Dupree should have been ejected.

  43. 43.

    Corner Stone

    Three straight possessions lost to TO by MIA. Matt Moore is Colt-ing his team into having no chance here. This is on the MIA coaching staff at this point.

  44. 44.

    Corner Stone

    Matt Moore could not tell you his birthdate right now, much less diagram an offensive play call. This is fucking disgraceful.

  48. 48.

    HeleninEire

    @ruemara: Thank you. I do not consider myself a pet person. But all you BJ people have turned me into one virtually. Couldn’t stop crying when Tunch died too.

  50. 50.

    Damned at Random

    Posted this at Eschaton earlier, but while we’re on the subject

    My Christmas present this year is a Stillers team jersey. Had to be defense because I’m a Pittsburger. Early on I figured Timmons. Shazier or Gay. I settled on Gay – I told the spousal unit it was because I didn’t want him “borrowing” it, but it was really because of this:
    https://youtu.be/InVz1nB-zfk

  51. 51.

    p.a.

    AFC shaping up for the Patsies. Houston next week then the winner of Pitt at KC; whoever wins that likely to be pretty beat up. Steelers hoping to come out of this game ok as the Fins have some players with the potential for some “stupid and futile” cheapshots in the time left. Warm up Landry!

  54. 54.

    ruemara

    I’m worried I can’t shoot this script on my standard under $500 budget. Yes, I know it’s not football, but it is a concern.

  55. 55.

    Larkspur

    @trollhattan: No kidding, it rained really hard all night and into this morning. For the moment the rain has eased up but the wind has been battering us all night and all day. I woke up to the sound of chain saws and thought “Uh-oh” and sure enough, in front of my apartment building, a big tree had crashed down. I got lucky – my car was parked across the street and about two cars down. My neighbor’s car got squashed like a bug (although it was a Toyota).

    Now I’m down the highway in a really nice condo with my next assignment: taking care of a sweet golden doodle. They have all the modern machines and I was watching the Dolphins/Stillers but then I got a headache so I stopped. The whole place is rattling from the wind. Oh, rain is returning. Soon I’ll check in on the next game.

  56. 56.

    Feathers

    The gas crew is still here for the leak. Going on 30 hours now. I am so ready for this to be over. There have been generators running outside for the last 24 hours and somebody coming in to take readings in the basement every hour. I am truly grateful and appreciate all this work and effort being done in this weather, but I am very tired.

    ETA – not watching football, but finally catching Jessica Jones. This is far superior to Captain America: Civil War which I watched last night.

  58. 58.

    Larkspur

    @Feathers: That’s awful. You’re being so patient and appreciative of their hard work but omg how stressful and tiresome. I guess you can’t leave because they are in your house. And you can’t wear earplugs because you don’t want to miss anyone yelling “run!” Do they have any estimate of when the work will be done?

    ETA: I love Jessica Jones. Gonna go watch now. Thanks for reminding me!

  61. 61.

    SFAW

    @James Powell:

    I’d call that unbelievable but he’s done it before.

    It also helps to have the defensive backs not figure out that they might want to raise their arms above their shoulders on a Hail Mary play.

    On the other hand, no one could have predicted that the Pack receivers would flood the end zone for something like a Hail Mary; I mean, that was perhaps the most surprising play — ever. If “ever” is defined as “never,” that is.

    Someone tell me again about defensive genius Steve Spagnuolo, as the Fuxheads seem to think he is.

    ETA: ON the plus side, I imagine Omnes is relatively happy about things.

  74. 74.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @SFAW:

    ON the plus side, I imagine Omnes is relatively happy about things.

    I was cautiously optimistic, but I expected a much closer game. Not that I am complaining, of course.

  75. 75.

    SFAW

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Congrats. I was hoping the Giants would win, mainly so that they could (eventually) make it three-for-three against the Pats in the Super Bowl.

    I guess I’ll just have to wait until next year, for the J-E-T-S Jets Jets JETS to win a blowout Super Bowl. My prediction for that game: Fitzpatrick has them up by a TD midway through the 2nd quarter, gets his bell rung, and Bryce Petty Geno Smith Christian Hackysack Ryan Leaf JaMarcus Russell comes in off the bench, a la Tom Brady in 2001 (when Mo Lewis did him perhaps the biggest favor in the history of pro football), and leads the J-E-T-S the rest of the way.

    And, no, the preceding paragraph was not written under the influence of any pharmaceuticals nor “liquid refreshments.”

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