• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Consistently wrong since 2002

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

We’re not going back!

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

“Cheese and Kraken paired together for the appetizer trial.”

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Cole is on a roll !

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Mobile Menu

  • Winnable House Races
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • Balloon Juice 2023 Pet Calendar (coming soon)
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • War in Ukraine
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • 2021-22 Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / Why I’m Awake at OMFG O’Clock

Why I’m Awake at OMFG O’Clock

by Betty Cracker|  January 8, 20174:20 am| 38 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Open Threads

FacebookTweetEmail

My dogs figured out how to program the Roomba. I can’t do it without the instructions, but they did it. It came on at approximately 3 AM and began noisily vacuuming the hallway, banging into the baseboards and knocking into the bedroom door repeatedly until I got up, cursing, and turned it off and escorted it back to its docking station. Dogs and hubby slept right through the disturbance.

I tried to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t happening, so I gave up and made coffee. Stupid dogs. Stupid, stupid Roomba. I thought life was supposed to be easier and more pleasant with pets and robots.

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Dear Mrs. Crowley
Next Post: Sunday Morning Open Thread: Accessorize for Success »

Reader Interactions

38Comments

  1. 1.

    Donna K

    January 8, 2017 at 4:35 am

    Our goddam fucking cats doing stupid cat stuff just woke us up. Our Sunday is ruined.

  2. 2.

    Mary G

    January 8, 2017 at 4:40 am

    Last night I was having a horrible time trying to get to sleep and the minute I managed to, my cats had a screeching, snarling, yowling fight in the next room that left fur on the floor and woke up all four people in the house, so I can relate.

  3. 3.

    Betty Cracker

    January 8, 2017 at 4:40 am

    Four-footed fiends from hell. Maybe fish would be better.

  4. 4.

    RealityBites

    January 8, 2017 at 4:41 am

    Hot chocolate works better than coffee to relax. Hope you don’t have too many things scheduled for today. Maybe a nap later? I am always sleep deprived due to weird job hours and long drive time. It can be dangerous. Will sleep for days when I retire. Can’t wait! ?

  5. 5.

    Mary G

    January 8, 2017 at 4:43 am

    P.S. I fucking love “OMFG o’clock” and will be, like Monica Crowley, plagiarizing it. Thanks BC.

  6. 6.

    Mustang Bobby

    January 8, 2017 at 4:47 am

    A cool front moved through the area bringing with it gusting winds that made branches slap against the house, so that’s what woke me up. Plus at my age there’s always a subliminal need to pee. So I’m up but will try to go back to sleep now once I’ve checked to make sure the Russians haven’t taken over South Florida yet.

  7. 7.

    Betty Cracker

    January 8, 2017 at 4:55 am

    I think it was nearly 2 AM when I hit the sack, so I’m definitely going to need a nap. But if I sleep too long, I’ll never be able to fall asleep tonight and will get into a vicious insomnia cycle. Thanks, dogs! It’s a good day to stay inside anyway — first truly cold day of winter for us here in West Central FL.

  8. 8.

    M. Bouffant

    January 8, 2017 at 5:02 am

    @RealityBites: Thanks for the reminder. I was going to make some nice pre-bedtime hot cocoa but other stuff interfered & it slipped my mind.

    “Sleep, sleep, sleep …”

  9. 9.

    SectionH

    January 8, 2017 at 5:30 am

    I *knew* it was Betty!! just from the title. Don’t ask. At least my insomnia predates the recent catastrophe.

    We have a Not Roomba little sweeper thing: a Neato. Bought it because 1) it was 1/2 the price of a similar Roomba, and 2) not insignificantly to us, it was made in California. And it got a rating for pet hair better than any Roomba.

    We’re ok with it, but admit it’s kinda stupid. Otoh, we’ve been difficult owners, so hey.

  10. 10.

    OzarkHillbilly

    January 8, 2017 at 5:42 am

    This is what happens when you let robots into your life. And people laugh at my refusal to allow anything remotely robotic into my life.

  11. 11.

    Mustang Bobby

    January 8, 2017 at 5:48 am

    I tried to go back to sleep but the stupid palm fronds keep slapping the house, so I got up, came in here to the computer and renewed two magazine subscriptions that have been bugging me to do: The New Yorker and Hemmings Classic Cars. They pretty much sum up my life.

    R.I.P. Nat Hentoff.

  12. 12.

    BillinGlendaleCA

    January 8, 2017 at 5:53 am

    Looks like my simple fix for my water filter didn’t work, so it’s off to get a new one.

  13. 13.

    Politically Lost

    January 8, 2017 at 6:04 am

    I don’t know why I’m up exactly but there was this 25lb mutt doing his imitation of a black hole where nothing can escape his orbit, not even the covers. After the fourteenth time of trying to reclaim the blankets around my shoulders and shoving him repeatedly to get him off my leg, I gave up in frustration and wandered out to the living room to listen to the rain. And, what do I find? Another frustrated sleeper. Hah!

    We’re supposed to get four inches of rain in the next several hours. I’ve cleared the gutters and done my best to make sure the french drain is frenching but I always worry about these big storms. We’re at the base of a hill and when things get saturated the hillside springs leaks. After years of drought it’s comforting to see some clouds and moisture.

  14. 14.

    raven

    January 8, 2017 at 6:31 am

    My bride wanted on of those things. I knew our old house with thresholds, rugs all over and weird step downs wasn’t right for one but I ordered one and tried it didn’t work. We got our dough back.

  15. 15.

    Betty Cracker

    January 8, 2017 at 6:38 am

    @raven: Sounds like y’all need one with climbing capabilities. I’m waiting for someone to invent a drone duster. That’d be the shit.

  16. 16.

    ThresherK (tablet)

    January 8, 2017 at 6:43 am

    For.once I was not awake at 4a. But i was from 12m to 3a, and now.

    Guess the dogs didn’t program the Room in order to ride it, like some cats do.

  17. 17.

    Zinsky

    January 8, 2017 at 6:47 am

    I don’t mean to laugh at your suffering, Betty, but the mental image of a Roomba, firing erratically to life in the middle of the night and noisily banging into things up and down the hallway is a hilarious mental image that could be in the next Melissa McCarthy comedy. Too funny. I, for one, dread robots taking over tasks from human beings. Humans are good for so few things to begin with!

  18. 18.

    Hillary Rettig

    January 8, 2017 at 7:42 am

    I’ll just leave this here:
    http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/07/well/family/dogs-intelligence.html

  19. 19.

    MAJeff

    January 8, 2017 at 7:49 am

    Ah, Roombas and pets.

    http://tomatonation.com/stories-true-and-otherwise/viva-la-roombalucion/

  20. 20.

    zhena gogolia

    January 8, 2017 at 7:49 am

    @Betty Cracker:

    Hilarious! We’ve been barricading our kitteh out of the bedroom since he developed the habit (at age 14) of walking on my head all night.

  21. 21.

    MomSense

    January 8, 2017 at 8:03 am

    I know the silly Delta Waves app works because I woke up last night only after my ear buds fell out. I put them back in and fell asleep soon after. I know it seems unlikely that these weird sounds/music would work. It works.

  22. 22.

    evap

    January 8, 2017 at 8:08 am

    I’m going to the DC march with my two daughters. The friend we are staying with has a friend who is making the hats, so I think we will be wearing them.

    Any chance of a BJ meetup around the march in the DC area? I’m not leaving until Monday night (the only way to get affordable airfare). I would love to meet Ms. Cracker :)

  23. 23.

    laura

    January 8, 2017 at 8:12 am

    Sadly, I’m awake and on my way to walk a pocket line on the 6 to noon shift in the central valley and we’re under flood watch and expecting rain and wind gusts up to 50 mph. Yeah.
    I’ve got my rain gear and only missing a box of fish sticks to pull the total “Gordons of Glouster” look.

  24. 24.

    ProudGradofCatLadyAcademy

    January 8, 2017 at 8:16 am

    My body clock is set to Ben Franklin time, so waking up at 4:30 am is nothing new. However last night I stayed up until 10:00 pm pleasantly plotting of sleeping in until at least 7:00 am and drinking Sunday coffee(pour over Duluth Coffee Company as opposed to the mundane Aldi weekday auto drip) while I caught up with the news and played my stupid dumb online game. Sadly Princess Buttercup* the cat had different ideas and started her breakfast whine at 4:15 am. At 4:30 am I capitulated and made breakfast for her and put the coffee on to brew.

    The beef barley stew is in the crockpot, the New World Welsh quick bread is in the oven, the sinks scrubbed and I might go watch Spectral on Netflix. My friend tells me its oddly sciencey and I might enjoy it. The plan now frittering away my morning by knitting a dishcloth and giving this new show my typical 3 episode try. Knitting may be optional since I live at the New North Pole and may due to our negative 25-degree wind chill this morning huddle under the down throw instead.

    My feet are freezing because I use crocs for slippers around the house. They were nicely lined, but the lining wore thin over the six years I had them. Croc will sell you lined shoes but they won’t sell you the replacement liners! I ordered a fleece set from Etsy but they won’t be here until next week. I might have to break down and buy some fake Ugg slippers to survive next week’s cold snap.

    Definitely a nap in order today.

    Such is the life ofa cat lady spinster aunt.

    *My cat has gone through several name changes. Animal Allies sent her home with an impossible biblical name which I promptly changed to Missy when she seemed to respond to me yelling “Stop that Missy”. In true cat fashion, she quit reacting to her new name 15 minutes after I changed it. Last week I started to call her Princess Buttercup and I haven’t stopped since. Since Princess Bride is one of my favorite book and movie I am surprisingly okay with this new name. The cat doesn’t seem to care.

  25. 25.

    NotMax

    January 8, 2017 at 8:28 am

    Popped awake at 3. Signs not auspicious re: being able to sack out again until maybe 7.

    On the plus side, newly acquired fuzzy bedroom slippers with memory foam arches and rubber soles are toasty and comfy. Old reliable leather pair gave up the ghost after 40 years of loyal service

  26. 26.

    trnc

    January 8, 2017 at 8:32 am

    I thought life was supposed to be easier and more pleasant with pets and robots.

    The trick is to convince the pets that they can be replaced with robots, too, if they don’t cut it out. Since they know how to work technology, make this their homepage.
    http://wowwee.com/chip

  27. 27.

    Kathleen

    January 8, 2017 at 9:08 am

    @Zinsky: Way too late for thread but hey. Your image cracks me up, too, but I’m also envisioning the dogs programming the rumba and cracking myself up.

  28. 28.

    Oatler.

    January 8, 2017 at 9:15 am

    Remember the robot dog in Sleeper? “Hello, I’m Rags. Woof woof! Hello, I’m Rags. Woof woof!”

  29. 29.

    donnah

    January 8, 2017 at 9:18 am

    Our doofus cat hid in our bedroom two nights ago. We usually close the cats out because they also perform acts of meowing loudly while kneading our heads when we’re in bed. So she sprang forth from whatever cranny she had hidden in and started meowing in my face.

    At four a.m. it’s a tough call for me, because once I’m awakened and on my feet, I find it difficult to fall asleep again. I laid there for an hour, trying to convince my brain we could still grab another hour or two of sleep, then got up, defeated.

    Stoopit cat!

  30. 30.

    Olivia

    January 8, 2017 at 9:38 am

    I have never even tried to program the Roomba. I don’t want it sucking up stuff if I am not there to supervise. It never occurred to me that the animals might try it. They pay so little attention to it when it is working that it routinely crashes into them while they lie around shedding.

  31. 31.

    kindness

    January 8, 2017 at 10:10 am

    But Roombas are so quiet in the commercials.

    Notice this was posted at 4:20 am. Celebrating early too perhaps?

  32. 32.

    Libarbarian

    January 8, 2017 at 10:47 am

    Since this past was made at exactly 4:20, I’m going to interpret OMGO’clock in a much better way. Stay Locd JC!

  33. 33.

    lol chikinburd

    January 8, 2017 at 11:02 am

    Speaking of Sleeper, just wait until sex robots become a commonplace thing.

    (also, common sense, be careful about googling “sex robots”)

    (also, will this comment make it out of moderation)

    (also, so, so sorry)

  34. 34.

    StringOnAStick

    January 8, 2017 at 11:17 am

    I’m up and trying to decide if I will be well enough go to work tomorrow. I usually only work on Mondays currently (hoping for a second day soon) but will be full time for the rest of the month, covering for a vacationing coworker. I’m a dental hygienist, so if I can’t work then a temp costs 3x my salary to replace me, and I took a vacation in November based on my being able to cover these hours in January. Crap. I’m feeling better but I know my voice isn’t going to last the workday tomorrow.

  35. 35.

    Larkspur

    January 8, 2017 at 11:28 am

    @StringOnAStick: I know it’s a ded thred but I hope you’re feeling well enough and can get through the week, and PS I love my dental hygienist and I go to three times a year, and I’ve known her since before she was pregnant and now her son is in first grade, so each time I get to see the latest photo and hear stories about him. So yay for dental hygienists! Good luck; at least you’ll be wearing masks so maybe no germs will interfere with your recovery.

  36. 36.

    Ruckus

    January 8, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    @RealityBites:
    Semi-retired here, work 3 days a week. It takes me 2 or 3 nights sleep to actually get a good nights rest after the work cycle. That leaves me 2 nights to actually relax. Then up at the crack of darkness to do it all over again. I’m with you, can’t wait to retire and get some rest.
    Betty
    I thought that your dogs were lazy, shiftless layabouts. Getting the Roomba started and going before the crack of darkness sounds so unlike them.

  37. 37.

    Ruckus

    January 8, 2017 at 12:24 pm

    @Mustang Bobby:
    Get that peeing thing checked out. If you are that age, and I hate to say it, there may be an issue that you really, really don’t want to just let go. Does the word cancer ring a bell? In an organ that only men have……..

  38. 38.

    RepubAnon

    January 8, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    @OzarkHillbilly: Keep that attitude up, and the robot overlords will banish you to an asteroid, ala Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime. ?

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

Political Action

Postcard Writing Information

Recent Comments

  • dmsilev on Wednesday Evening Open Thread: Gallant vs. Goofus, UAW Strike / White House Edition (Sep 27, 2023 @ 8:26pm)
  • Alison Rose on Wednesday Evening Open Thread: Gallant vs. Goofus, UAW Strike / White House Edition (Sep 27, 2023 @ 8:25pm)
  • Alison Rose on Wednesday Evening Open Thread: Gallant vs. Goofus, UAW Strike / White House Edition (Sep 27, 2023 @ 8:22pm)
  • moops on Late Night Open Thread: Rude Mechanicals (Sep 27, 2023 @ 8:21pm)
  • kalakal on Judge Chutkan Denies Trump’s Motion To Recuse (Sep 27, 2023 @ 8:21pm)

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
We All Need A Little Kindness
What Has Biden Done for You Lately?

Balloon Juice Meetups!

All Meetups
Talk of Meetups – Meetup Planning

Fundraising 2023-24

Wis*Dems Supreme Court + SD-8

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)

Twitter / Spoutible

Balloon Juice (Spoutible)
WaterGirl (Spoutible)
TaMara (Spoutible)
John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
TaMara
David Anderson
Major Major Major Major
ActualCitizensUnited

Join the Fight!

Join the Fight Signup Form
All Join the Fight Posts

Balloon Juice for Ukraine

Donate

Cole & Friends Learn Español

Introductory Post
Cole & Friends Learn Español

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!