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You are here: Home / Politics / America / I Don’t Have to Outrun the Bull Alligator, I Just Have to Outrun You

I Don’t Have to Outrun the Bull Alligator, I Just Have to Outrun You

by | 143 Comments

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This wee fellow was caught on video near Lakeland, FL yesterday.

That’s a big boy!

Reader Interactions

143Comments

  7. 7.

    jonas

    Those aren’t tourists. Those are simply some folks that that gator has allowed to live right now because he has better things to do. You can tell that’s what he’s thinking as he crosses the path.

  9. 9.

    ArchTeryx

    That big boy looks old, well-fed and generally chill. Reptiles, generally, are very big into energy conservation, but don’t let that easy gait fool you: When they hunt, they can move faster then you can blink your eye.

    And that fellow looks like an extra out of the old horror movie Alligator. I wouldn’t want him living in MY backyard.

  10. 10.

    Chris

    Normal people: “HOLY SHIT, DINOSAUR.”
    Floridians: “Actually, that one’s kind of scrawny.”

  15. 15.

    Adam L Silverman

    @amk: True story: when I lived in PA, there was a gator walking along on the Turnpike in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Someone had one as a pet, it got to big, and they just let it loose.

  17. 17.

    hovercraft

    @Adam L Silverman:
    No need to miss it, just come back to civilization, and you can have Wegmans, Stew Leonards and real pizza ;-) The only gators we have up here are the ones in the sewers.

  19. 19.

    hellslittlestangel

    Not a lot of people know that the TV show The Flintstones was filmed on location in Florida.

  21. 21.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I saw a lot of gators when I lived in Tampa, but never any as big and portly as that fellow. Yowza!

  22. 22.

    Mike J

    I spent six months? A Year? Something far too long in Lackland. On the one hand I wrote some good code for some nifty custom hardware. On the other hand, I had to fly back and forth to DC every week.

  23. 23.

    ArchTeryx

    @Yarrow: That dewlap/gular pouch is part of why I’d estimate the big boy to be an older gator. Plus, fat gets stored there, just like in mammals like us.

  24. 24.

    eclare

    Wow. Used to volunteer at a zoo, if I remember my training right, most reptiles never stop growing. I would not be that calm.

  26. 26.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @amk:

    shit, now cole is gonna wanna take him home.

    “I will kiss him and hug him and love him and squeeze him and name him George.”

  27. 27.

    ArchTeryx

    @eclare: Depends on how well they’re fed, but yes, they never stop growing. That fellow seems to have lucked into a food source (Deer? Alligator gar or other big fish?) that’s quite plentiful. Some of that ends up as fat, and some of that ends up as bigger gator. Long as the food holds out, he’ll keep right on growing!

  30. 30.

    ArchTeryx

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    “I will kiss him and hug him and love him and squeeze him and name him George.”

    And then put him in a moat outside his house to scare off vermin and Republicans. But I repeat myself.

  34. 34.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Yarrow: When he vocalizes through that thing it’ll sound like a bullfrog, on big steroids, coming through a very large set of amplifiers.

  35. 35.

    ArchTeryx

    @JordanRules: Or just an apex predator. He doesn’t have to fear nothin’, save maybe overly nosy hairless primates. Even one of the infamous invading Burmese Pythons probably would end up on the wrong end of the food chain if it tangled with this gator.

  38. 38.

    Yarrow

    From the tweet:

    The locals call it “Hunchback.”

    So he’s around enough to acquire a name from the locals? WTF? Do they wonder what happened to their large dogs and small children from time to time?

  42. 42.

    Adam L Silverman

    @ArchTeryx: He’s on a nature preserve in Central Florida. So he’s got plenty of deer. Feral hogs/pigs/boar. A variety of fish and birds. The occasional tourist…

  43. 43.

    eclare

    @ArchTeryx: That’s what I thought. I liked the snakes and the herpetologists…So how long can a snake live as long as it has a food source? Tortoises can live over 100 years.

  46. 46.

    ArchTeryx

    @Yarrow: Large dogs and small children are not as easy prey as whatever Big Boy is using as food. Believe it or not *most* gators, like most wild animals, avoid people when possible, though this one appears to be an exception.

    I actually am more afraid for the gator then the locals. They’re quite familiar with him and apparently know safety, or someone would have done something dumb, gotten attacked/mauled, and Hunchback would be a hide on someone’s wall by now.

  48. 48.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Adam L Silverman: It is weird. I am not remotely freaked out by the prospect of bears around my family’s cabin in northern WI – I understand the rules for dealing with bears – but ‘gators are a different and alien thing.

  54. 54.

    Calouste

    I once went to a crocodile farm/zoo in the north part of Australia. The biggest croc they had there was about 18 or 19 feet. Most of them were pretty inactive, as it was winter, but one put on a pit of a show at feeding time and snapped a chicken of a stick that was about 6 feet above the water. I still have a picture of that somewhere. They also had a small exhibit including a short series of photo’s of a wild croc grabbing a duck midflight.

  55. 55.

    Tehanu

    Are those people insane, lying on the ground ten feet away? That gator could have swerved and grabbed them in an eyeblink. Shudder!!!!

  57. 57.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Adam L Silverman: I went to law school with someone from Boca; she said that gators would occasion bathe in her family’s pool. Nice Jewish girl, your mom would love her.*

    *Helpful tip: She likes sushi.

  59. 59.

    Calouste

    @Tehanu: As Adam said above, most wild animals stay away from humans. And gators/crocs don’t attack unless they are hungry (or threatened) and they only eat once every 2-3 days. So if you know that his last meal was only a few hours ago, you can be pretty certain that you’re not going to be his next.

  61. 61.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Calouste:

    So if you know that his last meal was only a few hours ago, you can be pretty certain that you’re not going to be his next.

    How does one track that?

  68. 68.

    rikyrah

    Whiteness Wants Clarence Thomas to Have Prominent Place in National African-American Museum
    Stephen A. Crockett Jr.
    Today 12:12pm

    I don’t think Sen. John Cornyn III (R-Texas) understands how this works. I could be wrong, but I don’t think you need a white sponsor to be inducted into the National Museum of African American History and Culture. In fact, I don’t think you get inducted, since it isn’t the Hall of Fame. I surely don’t think you need a senator to include a resolution for you to have a “prominent place” in said museum.

    Nevertheless, apparently Cornyn isn’t happy with Supreme Court Justice Clarence “I’ve not said more than three words since being appointed to the bench” Thomas’ position in the museum and wants it to be more prominent, because, you know, whiteness and all.

    The museum didn’t omit Clarence Thomas; Clarence Thomas has omitted Clarence Thomas.

    Quick: Tell me one time that Thomas has done anything. Not just for black people—just done anything. Clarence Thomas is the real-life Bartleby, the Scrivener. He is there because we see him. And he is alive because he is there. And he does stuff, like sit and stand and say, “I would prefer not to.” But other than that, I don’t know what he does.

  72. 72.

    rikyrah

    This is so sad.

    A Baby is Dead After Being Found With His Homeless Mother at a Portland Bus Stop
    The child lived less than 24 hours and never had a name.

    By Nigel Jaquiss | 1 day ago

    A Portland baby is dead after being found last week in freezing temperatures with his homeless mother in a bus stop along Southeast Powell Boulevard.

    The infant, found Jan. 9, marks the fifth death on Portland’s streets during the cold weather this year.

    Four homeless people died of exposure in the first 10 days of 2017. A week after the baby was found, it’s still unclear whether he died of exposure hours after being born outdoors or was stillborn.

    But the circumstances of the child’s death illustrate that much of the tragedy on Portland’s streets involves untreated mental illness.

  74. 74.

    Adam L Silverman

    @rikyrah: Does Senator Cornyn think that there is a committee of African-American journalists that vote on entry/inclusion of the exhibits every year?
    (no sarc tags because given Senator Cornyn I’m not sure if I’m being a smartass or not…)

  78. 78.

    Adam L Silverman

    @amk: Have you seen them drive? The snowbirds are the worst! Do I go to Quebec or Ontario or Michigan every summer and drive ten miles under the speed limit with a turn signal on all the time? I do not, thank you very much!

  80. 80.

    Mary G

    The comments on that video are pretty good- less slimy than Trump and FAKE NEWS are the first couple.

    I am going to have nightmares about that thing tonight.

  81. 81.

    Adam L Silverman

    @amk: I’ve been told this is the case. I do not have empirical verification through direct observation.

  82. 82.

    Davebo

    I’ve seen 15 plus footers on lake Okeechobee back in the day and regularly saw 12 footers in south Texas.

    It’s just not all that rare.

  83. 83.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @amk: I an from that kind of country. We have several seasons, Winter, Fall, Spring, Construction, and Mosquito.

  85. 85.

    Couldn't Stand the Weather

    That gator could star in the next Jurassic Park flick, as a stand in for the damn T. Rex (despite the fact his front legs are longer than the arms of a Tyrannosaurus).

    Could we possibly encourage Mitch McConnell and/or Paul Ryan to visit this part of Florida sometime in the near future? Maybe try to take a photo with the aforementioned Hunchback?

    Yeah, I know… those two would give the alligator hella indigestion. ;-)

  86. 86.

    Adam L Silverman

    @efgoldman: This is also true. I had some little old lady almost kill me yesterday. She wanted to exit a side street across three lanes of traffic so she could get into the fourth/left turn lane. I thought she was going to t-bone me. And when she didn’t I thought the car behind me was going to rear end me. I am seriously considering mounting a self loading 50 cal on a swivel and installing it on the roof of my car…

  88. 88.

    Anne Laurie

    @amk:

    They have summer in Quebec / Ontario / Michigan?

    In Michigan, it is known as “mosquito season”.

    I realize Floridians live with a year-round plague, but the Michigander specimens make up in size and nastiness what they lack in longevity.

    Old Yooper joke: Guy makes the mistake of going outside at twilight — two skeeters fly down & carry him off by main force.

    ‘Do we eat him here, or take him back to the swamp?’ says the first.

    ‘Better eat him here,’ says his friend, ‘If we take him home, the big guys will take him away from us!’

  91. 91.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @efgoldman: I saw something similar to that in Korea. My housemate and I were at this six lanes across intersection, looking to make a left turn from one of two left turn lanes, when a woman passed us on the left and turned right, against the light.

  95. 95.

    Anne Laurie

    @efgoldman:

    If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have fall for the leaf peepers to bollix things up.

    No leaf peepers in Michigan — natives revile the fudgies, named because the fudge stands are the first stores at the edge of the Mackinac Bridge. And the fudgies usually show up between May and October, to take advantage of the Great Lakes’ best season.

    (There’s a second trickle of deer hunters, but they show up in late fall / winter, and it’s always risky to mock people who you know are armed and not in the best mood, i.e., drunk.)

  101. 101.

    Yarrow

    Adam, have you seen this by John Schindler? Wondered what your thoughts were.

    It’s not like Putin and his minions have been hiding what they believe. Putin himself is very much a KGB man—what Russians call a Chekist—cunningly conspiratorial to his bones. Yet over the last decade, he has become an open Russian nationalist with strong religious overtones. Regime outlets pontificate nonstop about the evils of the West, castigating our decadence and depravity, reflecting a nationalism that is deeply grounded in Orthodox Christianity.

    Putin has talked warmly about what he calls “spiritual security“—which means keeping versions of Christianity other than Russian Orthodoxy out of the country—even stating that Russia’s “spiritual shield” is as important to her security as its nuclear shield. His inspiration for this comes from Orthodox thinkers, above all Ivan Ilyin, who hated the West with vigor and passion. This anti-Western worldview seems strange and even incomprehensible to most Americans, its reference points are utterly foreign to us, yet is grounded in centuries of Russian history and spiritual experience.

    In this viewpoint, which I have termed Orthodox Jihadism, the West is an implacable foe of Holy Russia with whom there can be no lasting peace. For centuries—whether led by the Catholic Church, Napoleon, Hitler or the United States—the West has tried to subjugate Russia and thereby crush Orthodoxy, the one true faith. This is the Third Rome myth, which became very popular in 19th century Imperial Russia, postulating that it is Russia’s holy mission to resist the Devil and his work on earth.

    And given this next bit, it’s little wonder the wingnuts in the US are happy with Trump/Russia taking over. They’re birds of a feather.

    To get a flavor of what Putinism’s worldview looks like, simply listen to what Moscow says. It’s easy to find fire-breathing clerics castigating the West and its pushing of feminism and gay rights, which they openly term Satanic. The Russian “think tank” (in reality it’s just a website) Katehon is a Kremlin-approved outlet which offers heavy doses of geopolitics suffused with militant Orthodox nationalism. Significantly, its name comes from the Greek term for “he who resists the Antichrist”—and Katehon makes perfectly clear that the decadent, post-modern West is what they mean.

    Then there’s Tsargrad TV, which is Russia’s version of Fox News, if Fox News were run by hardline Russian Orthodox believers. It’s the project of Konstantin Malofeev, a Kremlin-connected hedge funder-turned-religious crusader who wanted to give the country a news outlet that reflected traditional values. Its name is the traditional Slavic term for Constantinople—the Second Rome in Russian Orthodox formulation. A few months back, when Putin visited Mount Athos in Greece, one of Orthodox’s holiest sites, accompanied by Patriarch Kirill, the head of the Russian Orthodox Church, Tsargrad TV gave it wall-to-wall live coverage.

  103. 103.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Anne Laurie: I went to Mackinac once. I went with my then-wife and my parents. My dad noted that few people seemed to be having an good time – no smiles, weird need for fudge. There is real history there.

  105. 105.

    The Dangerman

    Damn you, Trump! I can’t see words like “wee” and not think of you, you bastard. Same goes for helping people spell Mississippi.

  108. 108.

    Roger Moore

    @Adam L Silverman:

    From what I understand he seems to be mostly inactive on the Court.

    I don’t think that’s really true. AFAIK, he participates fully in debates with the other justices, and he writes his share of opinions. He just feels that the public hearings are mostly a show for the public and far less important in forming the actual decisions than the written briefs, so he doesn’t bother to participate. I’m sure he’s right about them being mostly for show, though I think the better response is to use them to ask questions you feel were poorly dealt with in the briefs, rather than ignoring them.

  109. 109.

    Major Major Major Major

    @Mike J: True. Would it be ‘commercial’ if it’s targeting for something non-commercial, like a campaign, or art?

    ETA: @Roger Moore:

    the better response is to use them to ask questions you feel were poorly dealt with in the briefs, rather than ignoring them

    Or… using them to make fun of somebody else’s law school?

  113. 113.

    Mike J

    @Major Major Major Major: Counsel has told me it’s not usable at the level of ID’ing people by a campaign.

    Art? Probably some way to do it legally, but having nothing to be sued for is the best defense, Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

  119. 119.

    Anne Laurie

    @NotMax:

    Once interviewed for a job in Iron Mountain.

    My freshman college roommate was from Iron Mountain; it took her almost as long to drive home on weekends (12 hours) as it did for me to get back to the Bronx.

    I’m sure it’s a lot less isolated than it was in the early 1970s, but sticking a bunch of Nordic-Americans that far out in the boonies was never gonna make for a happy welcoming place for outsiders!

    (To be honest about my elitist coastal biases, in fifteen years there I never got further north than Grand Traverse Bay, which was quite rural enough, thankyouverymuch!)

  123. 123.

    Anne Laurie

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Dreher. I think Douthat’s Catholic.

    Yeah, IIRC, Dreher went Greek Orthodox when he decided the Catholic Church wasn’t churchy enough for him — too much talk about ‘the least of My brethren’, not enough eternal torment for sluts & queers. Doubthat moved from the Episcopalians to the Catholics for the same reason; I think he’d be sidling over towards the Eastern Rites if only Trump’s Russophile supporters weren’t so obstinately downscale.

  124. 124.

    Viva BrisVegas

    That’s a big boy!

    The estimate for that gator is about 12 feet. Down here we call that “bait”.

    By the way, how long do you think it will be before Putin and the Orthodox Church discover that he is actually the illegitimate grandson of Princess Anastasia and is crowned Czar of all the Russias?

  127. 127.

    Mnemosyne

    He’s not as big as that guy, but we have a local legend named Reggie who lived in a public park for two years after his idiot former owners dumped him there. But since this is Hollywood, he was taken to the zoo and turned into a star instead of a pair of shoes.

  128. 128.

    Gemina13

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Armored, no. Appetites? YES.

    The love of my life works seasonally on the Aleutian Peninsula for a fish processing company. One year, he witnessed a bear rip through the wall of the 100+ year-old cannery just to get at the fish inside. The wall was made of old-growth timber and sheet metal. And that was just one year.

  129. 129.

    eemom

    @Anne Laurie:

    Dreher went Greek Orthodox when he decided the Catholic Church wasn’t churchy enough for him — too much talk about ‘the least of My brethren’, not enough eternal torment for sluts & queers. Doubthat moved from the Episcopalians to the Catholics for the same reason; I think he’d be sidling over towards the Eastern Rites if only Trump’s Russophile supporters weren’t so obstinately downscale.

    It’s really amazing — however infrequently I drop in here, you’re always blathering about something you know nothing about.

    The Greek Orthodox church, in ALL respects, is a fucking Woodstock festival compared to the dearly rejected Catholicism of your birth. Eternal torment ain’t their thing; they don’t give a shit about “sluts and queers”; priests marry; divorce and birth control are cool; and they don’t give much of a shit about abortion either. For fuck’s sake, do some work for once.

  130. 130.

    Gemina13

    @efgoldman:

    Ah, students of the Los Angeles School of Driving, whose graduates believe that driving a BMW means they can cut across 3-4 lanes of traffic at 80 mph, without a signal, to get across town in 30 minutes or less.

  138. 138.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @eemom: Oh…scrolling back, I see what happened. We were discussing the some Daesh level craziness infesting the Russian Orthodox Church, I thought that was what Anne was referring to. I defer to your obviously greater knowledge than me of the Greek Orthodox Church.

  139. 139.

    Helena Montana

    I believe Hunchback is not quite as large as Bubba, the golf course gator in Palmetto, FL.

  140. 140.

    Lurking Canadian

    @Villago Delenda Est: Anne Laurie may have incorrectly described the Orthodox Church. That is a subject about which I know nothing.

    However, she correctly described Dreher’s explanation for why he joined the Orthodox Church.

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