Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

In my day, never was longer.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Second rate reporter says what?

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / ATTN: People of Connecticut

ATTN: People of Connecticut

by | 145 Comments

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Your roads are fucking amazing. I felt like I was driving on velvet. No potholes. I’m amazed. I honestly didn’t know roads could be that nice.

At any rate, I made it here, but it wasn’t easy. At exactly the four hour mark of an eight hour trip the check engine lights came on. I blurted out “you gotta be fucking kidding me” because I had just gone through this last week with the damned spark plugs and I was in the middle of fucking nowhere (although everyone’s nowhere is someone else’s somewhere and it’s hard to call places the middle of nowhere when you are from West fucking Vigrinia) and dutifully found an advanced auto parts to go get this diagnosed.

Apparently it has something to do with the cam being out of whack or timing or something but it is caused by a plugged oil something or other so I had the engine flushed and the oil changed, The engine light was still on, but I talked to the Subaru people and just said YOLO and will have the mechanic look at it while I am here.

At any rate, I am safe. I will note that ABC made me remove the overalls when I arrived (I’m surprised I was allowed to cross the threshold, tbh) and hid them so I had to unload the car in boxer shorts.

The residents of Connecticut will probably seal the borders when I live.

Reader Interactions

145Comments

  3. 3.

    Jerzy Russian

    Glad you are there safely. I had a check engine light come on Thanksgiving night outside Bryce Canyon National Park (i.e. in the middle of nowhere on a holiday). Eventually made it back, but not the most fun experience.

  4. 4.

    PhoenixRising

    Dude. I was accompanying my mom on her bucket list trip, offline, for 15 days so I’m behind 5 episodes: WTH you doing driving to CT?

  7. 7.

    Jerzy Russian

    @Cain:

    If you had gotten an electric car, none of this shit would be happening.

    Or a horse and buggy, like the Amish.

  8. 8.

    LAO

    Last year I was visiting my brother and his family in CT and I stopped short, and managed to cut off another driver. He stopped, got out of his car and walked towards me. Damn, I thought, I’m finally going have that road rage incident I been expecting. Nope. He was worried I was lost (ny plates) and thought he could help. Connecticut, a magical place, filled with polite people.

  9. 9.

    Ridnik Chrome

    everyone’s nowhere is someone else’s somewhere

    That should be the title of a Neil Young album.

  10. 10.

    SiubhanDuinne

    There are so many fine snarky things to say about this adventure, but I can’t compete with the experts here, so shall merely say that I’m glad you’re safe, happy the car repairs didn’t bankrupt you, and hope you have an exciting and memorable visit with ABC.

  11. 11.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    On some cars the “Check Engine Light” comes on at a specific mileage interval. On my recently departed Jetta, there was an OXS light that would come on every 15K. They hid the switch so drivers wouldn’t turn it off themselves, but teh Google is helpful.

  13. 13.

    Anne Laurie

    @BGinCHI:

    So far with this car, not exactly a ringing endorsement of the Subaru.

    Hey, this is the Notorious John Cole we’re talking about. The fact that he hasn’t yet seriously injured himself, and that the car is not abandoned in a field somewhere, is a pretty good endorsement!

  15. 15.

    efgoldman

    Your roads are fucking amazing. I felt like I was driving on velvet. No potholes. I’m amazed. I honestly didn’t know roads could be that nice.

    Keep going. You’re almost in Rhode Island. Cross the state line and you’ll feel right at home, except for the accents.

  18. 18.

    enplaned

    One word: Honda. Dang car keeps going and the dealers are great, though not exactly cheap. I’ve never had a bad experience at a Honda dealer and I’ve dealt with them the length of the country. Somehow Honda has cracked the problem of ensuring their dealers work fairly with customers.

    I don’t particularly like the cars Honda makes at the moment, but every time I get a little bit serious about buying something else, the thought of having to deal with non-Honda dealers makes me hold off.

  22. 22.

    Millard Filmore

    Your roads are fucking amazing. I felt like I was driving on velvet. No potholes. I’m amazed. I honestly didn’t know roads could be that nice.

    Do you live in Pittsburgh?

  24. 24.

    efgoldman

    At exactly the four hour mark of an eight hour trip the check engine lights came on.

    We drove my 2001 Frontier for the better part of three years with the light on. The diagnostics said the problem would cost more to fix than the truck was worth. The only effect was a little dip in the fuel economy, and our mechanic had to run it for a couple of hours in order for it to pass emissions inspection.

  37. 37.

    Mnemosyne

    @PhoenixRising:

    Since you’ve been away for a while, you may need to sit down before hearing this news:

    Cole found a woman. Like, a girlfriend woman. And she seems very nice, for Balloon-Juice values of “nice.”

  39. 39.

    Another Scott

    Going 80 MPH in a Subaru is tempting the Granola Gods. You’re lucky you didn’t enter another dimension!!

    ;-)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  41. 41.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Yarrow:

    I will note that ABC made me remove the overalls when I arrived (I’m surprised I was allowed to cross the threshold, tbh) and hid them so I had to unload the car in boxer shorts.

    From the OP.

  48. 48.

    Chris T.

    Connecticut has relatively high gas taxes: $0.25/gallon as an excise tax, plus 8.1% on “gross receipts” (I am not entirely sure what that means). That probably adds up to more than California’s $0.395/gallon, and CT does not have a Prop 13 messing up their general funds either, so they have money for roads.

  49. 49.

    Aleta

    What happened to that punitive 7-year-old child-ish “every new rule you make means I get to break two rules.” Isn’t this two rules to take away one rule:

    The Senate introduced a resolution today that would overturn a Federal Communications Commission rule that requires internet service providers to get customers’ permission before they sell sensitive consumer data, such as browsing history. Passage of the resolution by Congress would prevent the FCC from issuing similar rules in the future.

  53. 53.

    gbbalto

    Was driving around Colorado mountains in tiny rental Yaris. Heading back to Pueblo, passed sign that said no gas for 58 miles, then saw “1/8 tank left” on dashboard. A lot of coasting when I could, past houses with only solar + wind turbine. Sweated all the way to a gas station in Canon City! Must credit tiny car,
    gbbalto + some

  54. 54.

    frosty

    @efgoldman: I junked a Jetta with >250,000 miles because of the Check Engine Light. It burned out because it had been on so long and the car wouldn’t pass inspection unless the light worked. It was over $100 to pull the dash and replace the light. That, plus the rust at the gas filler pipe (it was about to start hanging in the air) sent it off to the crusher.

  55. 55.

    Anne Laurie

    @amk: Hey, the Spousal Unit just made trips from here north of Boston to Chicopee, Hartford, and eventually Cleveland to find just the right used VW Jetta station wagon at his price point. And he was willing to drive out to Buffalo, and later to make a trip from Ft. Lauderdale to Tampa & back, but the dealers sold those cars before he could get there.

    The end result is a very nice little 2014 model, but I don’t feel like I’m in a position to make fun of anyone else’s automotive obsessions.

  56. 56.

    BillCinSD

    @Aleta: I think this is one of their CRA actions, where they overturn recent executive orders. The key is can’t enact except through Congress afterwards

  59. 59.

    Patricia Kayden

    Picturing Cole in the cold CT air in boxers is cute. Seems like he has met his match in a good way.

  60. 60.

    Anne Laurie

    @schrodingers_cat:

    What’s with the overalls, is JGC auditioning for some reality show we don’t know about.

    Comes a point in the life of a sedentary white male where they have to either lose weight, start wearing suspenders, or accept that their belt will ride up high under their pecs or down low over their pubis.

    Never met Cole, so we can’t know if this is his issue, but overalls solve the issue the same way suspenders do… just with rather less elan.

  62. 62.

    ABCConcepts

    @Omnes Omnibus: For the record, I did not send a pantless anyone anywhere. I requested John remove the overalls, and instead of going to the car and getting his (enormous) suitcase first, he proceeded to disrobe in my kitchen and march out of the house in his underwear.

    John also neglected to mention that despite a sincere promise that he would remove the overalls and hand them over for disposal immediately upon arrival, I had to use both hands to wrench them from his fists while he whined “I forgot! I wore my good overalls! Don’t take them!”

  64. 64.

    StringOnAStick

    When we bought our second Subaru Outback in 2012 we got the speech about the complex system of oil channels in the engine block, and that being stupid about oil changes will bite you, plus to not vary from the oil weight recs. Our first Subaru ran for almost 200k, and this one will do better I think;we’ve never been off by more than 500 miles on oil changes. With a set of snow tires it is the perfect winter/ski car.

    As as younger woman I really got into car maintenance and mechanics and was proud of what I could figure out and do. Now cars are so complex that I have no desire. We inherited a Prius recently and there is no way I’m getting involved in whatever the hell is going on under that hood; the strange noises it makes when you turn it off makes me suspicious that it has Icelandic elves in there.

  66. 66.

    AndoChronic

    Gotta be mindful of the oil situation with Subaru apparently they really really like it. It’s not a Honda!

  69. 69.

    ZeeLizzee

    Who and what the hell are you guys talking about? Connecticut people are cold (emotionally), entitled and cranky. We also have shitty roads. Stop saying all these nice things about us who know better. ?

  74. 74.

    Lyrebird (on new device)

    @ZeeLizzee: You have beautiful roads (not incl 95), many of which (eg 84) have been continuously under repair for my entire living memory (40some years), and all of which have way too many cars on them!

    CT is an awesome state with wonderful people but most everyone in the East Coast branch of my family knows the Taconic State Pkwy by heart specifically to avoid CT driving…

    The Merritt is ever so beautiful, like at 5am or so.

  79. 79.

    Mnemosyne

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Five days to go. In fact, since I’m taking a red eye, I will continue to be insufferable until Sunday night.

    Did I mention that we are going to be having ice cream with Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen? I’m pretty sure I have reached Peak Princess in my character meal bookings.

  81. 81.

    NYCMT

    @StringOnAStick: I have an ’03 Legacy wagon with the 2.5 four and a ’16 Outback also with the 2.5 four. Regular 3k mile oil changes meant that when the head was pulled because of a stupid head gasket problem at 85k my guy said the internals were clean as a whistle and at original manufacturing tolerances – he didn’t have to do anything to the piston heads. Of course, by thirteen and a half, I’ve done four sets of tires, front and rear suspension twice, brakes three times, timing belt water pump, exhaust twice, and front bearings. and there was an unfortunate encounter with a Hyundai Excel on Queens Boulevard. Which opened up the Excel like a tin-can. But as a city car, it’s been purring without a problem since the last set of big fixes in ’14.

    We waited past the problematic ’12-’14 sludging Subes. I love the ’16. There is so. much. power. in that four. and the mileage is fantastic. Sheet metal is a bit lighter though. And yes, do the regular maintenances.

  88. 88.

    Skepticat

    I look forward to having my insignificant other make me disrobe when next I see him, but I rather hope it’s after I unload the car. And isn’t “good overalls” an oxymoron?

    I so hope you two have fun.

  90. 90.

    chopper

    The residents of Connecticut will probably seal the borders when I live.

    if you live. i’ve seen what happens when you mop, or try to walk on a deck.

  91. 91.

    Argon

    Well, Connecticut better have great roads considering how often they’re under construction 8 months out of the year.

    By driving a Subaru you’ll fit into the rest of New England.

  93. 93.

    Aleta

    @hovercraft: There’s another picture featuring his handsome shoes. They’re already on track to be the best former president and former FL in the solar system.

  95. 95.

    CaseyL

    @ABCConcepts: Are you gonna take Cole clothes shopping, or is that a thing the two of you have agreed not to do.

    @enplaned: Oh yeah, baby! I have a ’95 (!) Accord wagon that I’m very deeply fond of. Bought her used 8 years ago, and hope to drive her forever.

  96. 96.

    FlyingToaster (Tablet)

    @ZeeLizzee: Masshole here. Trust me, for New England you’re downright friendly.

    Cole, whatever you do, don’t drive any further north. The roads deteriorate rapidly, and, well, Masshole drivers. And the potholes here in Watertown will eat your Subaru.

    Just got the minivan back from its 2nd CEL in three months. 2nd dead ignition coil. Only 4 more to go…

  98. 98.

    Another Scott

    @StringOnAStick: Before I bought my 2004 VW Pumpe Düse TDI wagon, I did all kinds of reading about the special engine it had and the special oil it took. (Each cylinder has its own extremely high pressure direct-injection fuel pump.) I had several run-ins with the dealer the first year or two when I had to argue with them about using the correct oil because the people behind the desk thought that their “full synthetic” was as good or better than the VW spec 505.01 oil (that cost twice as much as their synthetic) that the manual screamed in Big Angry Type was REQUIRED and the warranty would be VOIDED if any other oil was used… The dealer eventually got their act together about it. :-/

    I didn’t know much of anything about Subarus until this thread, but I’m not surprised that it may have rather severe oil change requirements based on my own experience with the VW.

    Good luck, JC.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  100. 100.

    Mnemosyne

    @CaseyL:

    I agreed long ago never to force G to go clothes shopping, which is one of the reasons we’re still together after almost 17 years.

    But I did have to laugh when he told me he wore one of his favorite shirts to work at the library and a homeless guy said, “Hey, I have the same shirt!”

  103. 103.

    Incitatus for Senate

    About the Subaru, did you recently add oil? On many of their engines the electrical connector for the Cam position sensor is directly below the oil filler opening. Spill just a little bit of oil, the connector shorts out and the Check Engine light comes on. Clean with spray electronics cleaner.

  108. 108.

    trollhattan

    @Skepticat:

    And isn’t “good overalls” an oxymoron?

    There’s reg’lar overalls and fancy eatin’ overalls. He might could’a been wearin’ them.

  109. 109.

    NotMax

    What are y’all picturing?

    1) Batman boxers
    2) Spongebob boxers
    3) Hello Kitty boxers
    4) Something even worse

    Oh, and tucking the napkin into your shirt collar is frowned upon in New England, also too.

    ;)

  111. 111.

    trollhattan

    @Another Scott:
    Find myself driving a car without so much as a dipstick. It emails me when it’s time for an earl change.

    I bought the extended service plan.

  112. 112.

    Lyrebird (on new device)

    @NotMax:

    Oh, and tucking the napkin into your shirt collar is frowned upon

    Well heck in the good lobster places they just give you a bib, so there’s no need.

  114. 114.

    efgoldman

    @trollhattan:

    There’s reg’lar overalls and fancy eatin’ overalls.

    The fancy eatin’ are the ones with the food stains awreddy on ’em.

  117. 117.

    Another Scott

    @trollhattan: It’s pretty amazing how sophisticated engines are these days.

    But $20,000 for an oil change on a Veyron is a bit much…

    There are a couple of theories as to why it’s $20,000 but the main reason its because the Bugatti Veyron literally has to be split in half in order to get to the oil inspection area in the massive W12 engine. This includes taking off the heads, inspecting inside the engine thoroughly making sure there are no irregularities, and checking to make sure that oil is being applied in key areas they way it was engineered to do so.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  118. 118.

    NotMax

    @Lyrebird

    the good lobster places

    There may well be bad places that serve lobster but I don’t believe there are any bad lobster places. At least in New England.

  119. 119.

    efgoldman

    @NotMax:

    I don’t believe there are any bad lobster places. At least in New England.

    Well, there’s Red Lobster

  121. 121.

    Felonius Monk

    @NotMax:

    but I don’t believe there are any bad lobster places. At least in New England.

    Yes there is at least one. A place in Peabody, MA that served an old, tough, horrible tasting lobster — very unpleasant.

  122. 122.

    efgoldman

    @Another Scott:

    but the main reason its because the Bugatti Veyron literally has to be split in half in order to get to the oil inspection area in the massive W12 engine.

    Damn. And i thought it was bad that you needed a special wrench from Ford to change the plugs on my ’81 Crown Vic with the police package. because otherwise you had to take out… I don’t remember, I think it was the alternator.

  123. 123.

    Another Scott

    @Felonius Monk: I remember (15+?) years ago going with J to Rockport (I think it was) and we “had to” stop at some little trailer-like place to get lobster rolls. These tiny little sandwiches were something like $18 a piece… :-/

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  124. 124.

    trollhattan

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Long story short, spouse’s car croaked (timing belt, interference engine) and white she was driving mine it threw a CEL. I went to all the indys to sort it out and all backed away like vampires at sunrise. “We don’t work on those anymore.”

    CEL was trivial and the car was in good shape but I decided with no local shop backup I needed to end my Saab string on my terms, not some random mishap in Nevada. Considering I began with a 99EMS it leaves a big hole in my motorhead soul.

  126. 126.

    NotMax

    @efgoldman

    For whatever stupid reason, back in the 80s Red Lobster decided to open the largest eatery in the chain here on Maui, with seating for over 800.

    Place hung on for maybe a year before they folded up their tent and departed the island.

  132. 132.

    Yarrow

    @Omnes Omnibus: Thanks. I guess that was an update. When I first looked at the post on the front page it wasn’t there and I didn’t read it carefully when I clicked through. That’ll teach me!

  133. 133.

    trollhattan

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Parts are more or less available but diagnostic equipment and specialty tools are the pitfall of the DIY folks.

    My coda is the 16YO Saab was in vastly better shape than the spousal Audi, which was 8 years newer. Its interior kind of disintegrated.

  134. 134.

    NotMax

    You actually got out your phone to take a picture while behind the wheel doing 80 on the highway?

    Bonehead move, that.

  136. 136.

    Bill

    John, it’s just the car’s computer seeing the intake cam shafts a little out of whack. The engine light may self-extinguish, or it may need to be cleared with a code scanner. Or you can disconnect the battery and step on the brake for 10 seconds if you don’t mind reprogramming your radio presets. The car will crank for a few seconds before the engine catches either way, don’t worry. The oil flush will have helped, but may need to be done again at some point. I have 2 outbacks with that engine, and seldom does anything really go wrong with them. My coworker has a legacy with the 3.0, and his car missed some oil changes when it was young, and will occasionally throw a code like the one you’ve gotten.

  137. 137.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Yet he went… Cole was warned. Still he persisted.

    Crap, I see Ann beat me to it. Department of Redundancy Department.

  143. 143.

    zhena gogolia

    @LAO:

    Uh, I think you were just lucky.

    Come to my neck of the woods and you’ll see Confederate flags and “Hillary for Prison” stickers. When you see a Confederate flag on a car with CT plates, you know it’s just plain old racism.

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