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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / Steve’s Excellent Adventure

Steve’s Excellent Adventure

by John Cole|  March 14, 20179:18 pm| 112 Comments

This post is in: Cat Blogging

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I’m assuming you are all watching Maddow because of Trump’s tax returns, but I just wanted to let you know that Steve had been missing for 36 hours. I last saw him Sunday night at bedtime, and he missed both meals yesterday. I’m used to him disappearing and figured he would be back this morning, but when he was not back this afternoon, I started to freak out and called on the collective powers of the internet:

I have not seen Steve since Monday night so everyone tell him to come home.

— Sad Trombone Sound (@Johngcole) March 14, 2017

And a half hour after I posted that, he came home. Mind you I had spent the day searching for him and yelling for him, but apparently he follows me on twitter. At any rate, he came home and didn’t even want dinner. Stood outside the spare bedroom door bitching, I opened it and let him in, and he is now on the bed sound asleep. And I have no idea what kind of crazy shit he was up to, but he looks like he has been through the Nam:

His fur is matted and coated in burrs, he has needles and crap all through him, and his paws look like he spent the night in a rice paddy under fire:

At any rate, I can’t find any cuts or any damage, so I will just take him to the groomer tomorrow because he does not want me screwing with him right now.

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Previous Post: « Set Your DVRs: News Is Supposedly Going To Be Broken
Next Post: Open Thread: Rep. Steve ‘Pigmuck’ King Will Not Be Out-Bigoted »

Reader Interactions

112Comments

  1. 1.

    Lyle Kraft

    March 14, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Rachel Maddow coming up with a portion of Trump tax returns that were leaked to (her?).

  2. 2.

    Mike J

    March 14, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    When looking for him, did you try swinging past your old place?

  3. 3.

    WereBear

    March 14, 2017 at 9:23 pm

    Maine Coons have a strong prey drive. If he got into chasing something, he’s not thinking about how far he’s getting from home.

  4. 4.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 14, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    Aaww pooh thing. He looks so cuddly. Give him some tuna stat.

  5. 5.

    Yarrow

    March 14, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    I started to freak out and called on the collective powers of the internet:

    Just the collective powers of Twitter. You didn’t let us know over here. Unless we happened to see it in the feed on the side. Glad it worked, though, and that Steve is back safe and sound.

  6. 6.

    amk

    March 14, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    you left him. he left you. not a bfd.

  7. 7.

    raven

    March 14, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    Dude fell in a punji pit.

  8. 8.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 14, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    If you keep giving him healthcare services after he’s out all night irresponsibly gallivanting around, he’s just going to keep taking advantage of the system. Then other refugee animals will hear about it and just keep flooding your house, and before you know it the place will barely even look like you live there.

  9. 9.

    JPL

    March 14, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    Gotta love a cat.

  10. 10.

    David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch

    March 14, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    I guess Steve came home to see Trump’s taxes

  11. 11.

    TenguPhule

    March 14, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    Probably killed his share of the 15 million birds and small rodents that free ranging cats slaughter.

  12. 12.

    3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike)

    March 14, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    I know Steve will bitch and moan and complain, but he might need to be an inside kitty for a while. It’s a nasty world out there. And he isn’t a real spring chicken. I would totally freak out if one of mine escaped, and we have “airlocks” as in front and back screened porches. One of ours never met a door he didn’t like, so he’d be long gone by now without the airlocks.

    Just a thought.

    (Glad the fat boy is back. Sort of glad I didn’t know he was missing. I would have worried long-distance.)

  13. 13.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 14, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    @TenguPhule: you must be fun at parties.

  14. 14.

    Gin & Tonic

    March 14, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    Well you went away for tomcat business, so why can’t Steve?

  15. 15.

    TenguPhule

    March 14, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    @Major Major Major Major: I wouldn’t know. Haven’t been to one since college.

  16. 16.

    Mike J

    March 14, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    @Major Major Major Major: My cat used to bring home bunnies, but we never seemed to run short of them.

  17. 17.

    Gin & Tonic

    March 14, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    @3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike): Our current cat is 15, and goes out whenever she wants (not so much in the winter.)

  18. 18.

    different-church-lady

    March 14, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    Eventually I had to impose a “no unsupervised outdoor activity” with my little ruffian. I simply couldn’t afford the vet bills anymore.

  19. 19.

    Johio

    March 14, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Have you considered on of the tracking chips so you could locate him? Given his tendancy to roam might be a good investment.

  20. 20.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    @Major Major Major Major:

    you must be fun at parties.

    I’ll bet he brings out his best revenge/violence p0rn after a couple of beers.

  21. 21.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 9:38 pm

    @Gin & Tonic:

    you went away for tomcat business

    He certainly didn’t need to go to Connecticut for that

  22. 22.

    TenguPhule

    March 14, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    @efgoldman: I don’t like beer. Tastes awful.

  23. 23.

    gammyjill

    March 14, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    @3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike): I totally agree that Steve should be an indoor cat. There are way too many things out there – animals, cars, people w/guns – that could hurt him. I don’t want to be a gloomy gus, but Cole has already lost one cat that had won his heart and the hearts of his readers. I couldn’t go through anything happening to Steve…and I doubt Cole could, either. Keep Steve Indoors!

  24. 24.

    3Jane Tessier-Ashpool (a/k/a Lorinda Pike)

    March 14, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: We have had several stray-dog packs pass through the neighborhood over the past few years, so most of the cats are now inside-only, after a couple of gruesome deaths – one of which I witnessed.

    It’s okay if they are used to being inside-outside, but it isn’t that safe here now. Ours are perfectly happy to be inside, being pillows that eat. Less stress for them, and for me.

  25. 25.

    mai naem mobile

    March 14, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    Were you out in your boxers in the subie driving around with the windows rolled down yelling ‘Steeeveee,Steeeevieee’?

  26. 26.

    sufferinsuccotash

    March 14, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Bad cat!
    Hope he’s learned his lesson (not!).

  27. 27.

    khead

    March 14, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    I do not understand folks that allow their cat(s) to roam outside once they have adopted the cat(s).

  28. 28.

    Nicole

    March 14, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    I’m glad he’s home safe. Is he microchipped? It doesn’t help you track them down, but if he’s ever picked up by someone and a vet or shelter scans him it’ll identify him as yours and they can contact you.

    The tax returns were pretty weak sauce. We turned it off halfway through.

  29. 29.

    TaMara (HFG)

    March 14, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    I needed the good news of Steve’s return today. ;-)

  30. 30.

    different-church-lady

    March 14, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    @khead: It’s trying to find a balance between the cat’s safety and happiness. If I were to raise a cat from kitten, there’s no question it would be indoors only. But I adopted a street cat, and it was miserable being indoors only. So we compromised: supervised outdoor time only, no after-dark roaming (except for the midnight walks we’d go on, when he’d stick by my heel like a dog.)

  31. 31.

    Aleta

    March 14, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    Off of John’s twitter:

    james richardson
    @outofideas4anam
    22m
    @Johngcole 1) Steve disappears 2) Trump’s taxes turn up 3) Steve reappears

  32. 32.

    Mike J

    March 14, 2017 at 9:49 pm

    Manu Raju‏ Verified account @mkraju
    Manu Raju Retweeted Anderson Cooper 360°
    NEWS: Comey privately told Sen. Whitehouse and Graham he’d confirm if Russia/Trump FBI inquiry exists by tomorrow.

  33. 33.

    schrodingers_cat

    March 14, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    @TenguPhule: I thought you love mayhem and blood.

  34. 34.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    @different-church-lady:

    supervised outdoor time only

    Daughter and SIL have a harness and leash for their indoor cat. He hates having it put on – except it’s the only way he’s allowed outside, which he loves.

  35. 35.

    Kay (not the front pager)

    March 14, 2017 at 9:54 pm

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Then other refugee animals will hear about it and just keep flooding your house

    Too late, I think this has already happened (waving to Thurston, Rosie, Steve, and even Lily).

  36. 36.

    satby

    March 14, 2017 at 9:56 pm

    I’m in the “keep cats indoors” camp, or have a supervised area or catio if they must go outside. But even with free access to a catio, 1/2 my rescues never went outside once they figured out no one was going to put them out. Safer for them, safer for wildlife.

  37. 37.

    Katep

    March 14, 2017 at 9:58 pm

    @efgoldman: I have a 13 year old cat that comes running for his harness and leash when he sees me grab it. I tried to put one on the other cat, took me 24 hours to get her to come out from underneath the bed with harness still half on her.

  38. 38.

    Sherparick

    March 14, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    @WereBear: There might be something to this. You may want to fit him with camera to see at least where he goes. Tracking collars for cats still don’t appear to be a thing. https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=gps+tracking+collars+for+cats&qpvt=gps+tracking+collars+for+cats&qpvt=gps+tracking+collars+for+cats&qpvt=gps+tracking+collars+for+cats&FORM=IGRE

  39. 39.

    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho

    March 14, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    @efgoldman: I can’t remember if I showed you this, so in case I didn’t:

    Triangles guy BROUGHT THE MOTHERFUCKING HEAT to Bruckners 8th @SFSymphony
    — James Bellenger (@jbell) March 26, 2015

    It cracked me up. As it did many of the conservatory and brass folks on Mr. Q’s FB.

  40. 40.

    Gelfling 545

    March 14, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    @khead: Sometimes there’s no stopping them. My sister had adopted a cat that had been declawed so tried very diligently to keep him inside. His hunting instinct was too strong, though. He managed to chew his way through window screens on several occasions so he could be off on the hunt. Cats are big on inner driven bahavior, I’ve found or, as TS Elliot says ” He will do as he do do and there’s no doing anything about it. “

  41. 41.

    khead

    March 14, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    We are still trying to figure out how Coal and his siblings even survived outdoor life before life indoors. Does this look like a cat that knows what to do when danger abounds?

  42. 42.

    Pogonip

    March 14, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: Ha!

  43. 43.

    Pogonip

    March 14, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    I’m glad Steve’s back in one piece.

  44. 44.

    Gvg

    March 14, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    When I was young, I had a conversation with a friends mother who was astounded that I claimed my cat was at least 8. She said cats didn’t live that long. I said the record was about 26, why do you think they don’t live long? All that she knew, lived about 3-5 years. I ended up telling her cars weren’t natural death. All of the cats I had after that were indoors only. They were very happy. Even if Steve acted like he wanted to go out before, he may reconsider now.
    They do appreciate screened porches though.

  45. 45.

    reality-based (the original, not the troll)

    March 14, 2017 at 10:06 pm

    under the heading of Kitty News and Miraculous Returns & Recoveries –

    Archie, the Orator Kitty and my best friend for 18 years, suddenly went all freaky on Saturday am – started tearing around the place in terror like he was running from a bear – though his back legs didn’t seem to work right – when I collared him, i could see that his head was shaking back and forth as if he suddenly had Kitty Parkinsons. OMG – a stroke? An embolism? What!?!?!

    Call the vet and off we go. the Vet is likewise puzzled – though he now has a slight tremor in back legs, they are working, and there’s no sign of a saddle embolism, his head is holding still. Vet thinking Seizure? Sudden pinched nerve? He is obviously extremely unwell – as the Vocal Cat With An Opinion About Everything has not said a word since the episode started. Vet gives him a shot of painkiller, an oral dose of an anti-inflammatory, says well, take him home, if he seems to be in obvious pain call me, i can get here in 20 minutes.

    Take the still eerily-quiet cat home, Cat goes to hide under sink. For next 24 hours, he stays there, not eating or drinking or answering when I peek in on him. I spend it crying, on phone to sisters, trying to steel myself to never let him suffer –

    Sunday a.m., i try to get water down him with a baby medicine syringe. Fail miserably. I cry some more. Think about going on BJ for comfort/advice, but can’t type while crying.

    Try once more to tempt him with his favorite treat – fancy feast broth packets – put the dish in his lair under the sink – sitting on the stool (crying) and I suddenly hear “lap, lap lap” from under the sink. He finishes his treat, says hello when I peek in on him – and two hours later emerges from his lair, strolls over to the food, and starts in.

    By Sunday night, he was jumping on the desk demanding to be petted, slept on the pillow next to me as usual., And is his usual old cranky, vocal self. Vet did blood work Monday a.m., kidneys not great, but not terrible. Nothing else showed up. Vet has no idea. Neither do i. So relieved to have him back, and so terrified of when it doesn’t have a happy ending.

    (The tragi-comic aspect to this is that my 94-year-old mother, who loves Archie to death, was determined to bring my 18-year-old cat to his senses, kept trying to call him out from under the sink.

    (an 18 year old cat, a 94 year old mother – geriatrics is what I do, mostly)

    sorry to go on at such lenght, but hoping fellow cat lovers may have an idea what happened?

    oh, and john – my sister’s cat once disappeared for 3 weeks before returning home, scrawny, filthy, and completely unrepentant. kinda goes with the kitty territory.

  46. 46.

    debit

    March 14, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    @efgoldman: Oliver will dive into his harness because it’s the only way he gets outside.

    I am with the indoor only (unless on a leash) contingent. I’ve seen cats run over, mauled by dogs, struck with feline leukemia, inadvertently locked in a shed to of either dehydration, starvation or heat exhaustion. And so on.

    I don’t mean to harsh a humorous post, and I’m so happy that Steve is home and okay, but please, folks, keep your cats inside. There was a stray in my old neighborhood that I fed whenever she showed up. I should have brought her inside, but I had other cats and she seemed happy living outside, and I gave her a shelter for when it was cold and wet, and blah blah blah. I should have brought her inside. Because one day, after I hadn’t seen her for a week, I went looking for her, and found her a couple blocks away literally crawling down the sidewalk toward my house. Blood was leaking from her anus and her eyes were bleeding pus. I scooped her up, ran home, wrapped her up in a towel and broke every traffic law on record to get her to the emergency clinic. It was feline leukemia and the only thing to do was put her to sleep. I should have brought her inside the first day she showed up on my doorstep.

  47. 47.

    Corner Stone

    March 14, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    @mai naem mobile:

    Were you out in your boxers in the subie driving around with the windows rolled down yelling ‘Steeeveee,Steeeevieee’?

    Think about that for a second. The Subie dies in situ. Cole is then wandering around WV, in a last minute winter cool breeze, in his boxers…caterwauling for his Steve to come home…

  48. 48.

    amk

    March 14, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    a mini cowbell for steve?

  49. 49.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    @amk: Belling the cat.

  50. 50.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    March 14, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    Is Steve fixed?

  51. 51.

    amk

    March 14, 2017 at 10:19 pm

    @Steeplejack (tablet): cole is not a douchebag ….. is he?

  52. 52.

    catbirdman

    March 14, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    Lol one of my cats, the late great Lucinda May, once went missing for 23 days in Long Beach. Found her three doors down, hunting a squirrel. Was outside chatting with the wife and neighbors and saw her make a failed run at the squirrel. She allowed me to rescue her at that point. She was 8 when she did that and lived another 8 years, rarely leaving the house after her Rumspringa. Cats and Amish are weird that way. Glad Steve came to his senses sooner than later — he knows he’s got it good.

  53. 53.

    TheMightyTrowel

    March 14, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    @khead: Yesterday my cat Storm (a sweet little tabby who dreams of being a hunter but is… rather deficient) saw a bug in the house. He got up close to it. Looked at it. touched it gently with one paw and watched it crawl into a small hole in the wall. Mr. Trowel got a bit of sealant and sealed up the small hole. Stormy then spent the next 8 hours staring at that wall, sniffing the wall and sometimes touching the wall gently with one paw. He hunted that goddamned wall to the ends of its wall-like existence. Didn’t catch the bug though.

  54. 54.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    @Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho:

    Triangles guy…

    That’s funny, because if I remember correctly, the percussion parts (except the tymps) were added in by one or another of the posthumous editors.

    ETA: Last four minutes or so of that symphony make the first 70 minutes worth waiting thru.

  55. 55.

    daize

    March 14, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    John, I love you, but please don’t let Steve outside. I don’t know what else to say.

  56. 56.

    glory b

    March 14, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    This is dog blogging I guess, but has anyone seen the video of Olly the rescue Jack Russell at the Crufts agility competition? Can’t link, but he’s hilarious and having the time of his life.

    Agile he’s not.

  57. 57.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    @Steeplejack (tablet):

    Is Steve fixed?

    Was he broken? You can get superglue anywhere.

  58. 58.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    @glory b: Ollie.

  59. 59.

    MoxieM

    March 14, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Wow. I am super-glad he is home safe and sound. Where I live (almost eastern MA, almost rural), the strongest & universal recommendation (vets, cat rescue groups, animal officers, etc) is to keep your cats indoors: the threat is coyotes, coywolves (yup, that’s a thing), fisher cats, and other things that find cats yummy–including birds of prey and the like.

    My dog is 120 pounds of mostly fur & bone, and she’s fenced, so I don’t worry much. I know plenty of people –too many– who have lost Frenchies, Bichons, and similar-sized dogs to coyotes (definitively, alas.) It is, no doubt, a royal pain in the butt to retrain an outdoor cat to live indoors, but a living one is better than one eaten by a predator, I tend to think.

    Anyway I’m awfully glad Steve is safe and home. I hope he wants to stay there a while.

  60. 60.

    Thru the Looking Glass...

    March 14, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    Well you went away for tomcat business, so why can’t Steve?

    Right right right… let us not forget… it is ‘That Time of Year’, especially for animals…

  61. 61.

    Anne Laurie

    March 14, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    Glad Steve’s back, John.

    You probably don’t want to put a collar on a cat that goes outdoors, but if Steve’s gonna keep doing this, you might talk to your vet about a breakaway harness with a tracking chip.

    Then, next time, you’ll be roaming the neighborhood with your cell phone out, trying to get a ping — but at least you’ll be quieter, for the sake of the (human) neighbors.

  62. 62.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    @MoxieM:

    she’s fenced,

    Your dog knows how to use swords?

  63. 63.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    @MoxieM:

    I know plenty of people –too many– who have lost Frenchies, Bichons, and similar-sized dogs to coyotes

    My PA SIL’s previous dog, a French bulldog mix, once treed a bear just outside the house. Bear wouldn’t come down until they got the dog inside

  64. 64.

    Paula

    March 14, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    Great that he’s home!

  65. 65.

    Anne Laurie

    March 14, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    @MoxieM:

    It is, no doubt, a royal pain in the butt to retrain an outdoor cat to live indoors, but a living one is better than one eaten by a predator, I tend to think.

    Yup. The wildlife biologists in Stoneham MA (near our town) do regular den/scat surveys on the local coyotes. According to our vet, up to 80% of their diet is… cats.

    Our cats don’t go outside. And I live in fear of the day when I’ll have to start supervising our three 20lb dogs’ backyard potty visits!

  66. 66.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    @efgoldman: Bears know that dogs mean people are around. They also know that people mean guns. They generally want nothing to to do with us. No offense to Andrew Sullivan intended.

  67. 67.

    khead

    March 14, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    @Gvg:

    My first indoor kitty made it to 20. Pretty sure he just wanted to escape the trailer park where he lived in ’89 but he certainly enjoyed college, my first real apartment and the townhouse I bought with my wife.

  68. 68.

    Corner Stone

    March 14, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    @Anne Laurie:

    Then, next time, you’ll be roaming the neighborhood with your cell phone out, trying to get a ping — but at least you’ll be quieter, for the sake of the (human) neighbors.

    Are you kidding? He’d still be yelling, “STTTTEEEEVVVEEEE!!!” while wandering around in his boxers. Just also waving his mobile device around erratically as well.

  69. 69.

    PhoenixRising

    March 14, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Cats aren’t dogs. They are not domesticated. If you all can keep yours indoors, good on ya, but…we’re on our 3rd cat and have had no success setting that agenda. Each kitty has become more of a homebody as s/he aged, ending in a daily trip to unfiltered sunshine at older ages. But I’m unconvinced that all cats can be trained to live happily inside a house.

    Steve needs grooming, not a guilt trip.

  70. 70.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    March 14, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    I haven’t seen Hillary Rettig post in a while. Is she doing okay?

  71. 71.

    Corner Stone

    March 14, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: How…how do you know this?

  72. 72.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 14, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    I don’t think Samwise even knows outside exists.

  73. 73.

    Aleta

    March 14, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    @reality-based (the original, not the troll): Like you said, could be seizure. I had one like that. Her back legs were completely shot. I thought she was gone. No way to get to a vet. She was at least 18, but recovering by the next morning. She walked with her head tilted head after that, but went on for another 1 1/2 years.

  74. 74.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    @Corner Stone: My family has a cabin in bear country. I know much bear lore.

  75. 75.

    Mike J

    March 14, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    @Corner Stone: https://twitter.com/A_single_bear

  76. 76.

    Villago Delenda Est

    March 14, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    @Aleta: Aha! So Steve is Deep Throat!

  77. 77.

    efgoldman

    March 14, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    @PhoenixRising:

    Steve needs grooming, not a guilt trip.

    Cats don’t do guilt.

  78. 78.

    Villago Delenda Est

    March 14, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    @amk: MOAR COWBELL!

  79. 79.

    Corner Stone

    March 14, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    @Mike J: That is fucking amazing. I’m going to have to tell my mom about that one. She loves that nature shit.

  80. 80.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    @Mike J: I also follow that dude on twitter.

  81. 81.

    Mike J

    March 14, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, I guessed that’s how you knew so much about what bears like.

  82. 82.

    Anne Laurie

    March 14, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I don’t think Samwise even knows outside exists.

    Cats have their own territories. If their human companions are lucky/smart, that territory is ‘the apartment’ or ‘the house’.

    Multiple cats will split up ‘resource valuable’ parts of the indoor territory — the sunny window, the best sleeping nests — by time shifts, so as to avoid argument. This can get… iffy… when, for instance, the valuable resource is Human Person’s lap: Cat A gets the pre-supper lap shift, Cat B gets the late-evening TV lap shift. Then Human Person doesn’t show up for dinner, plops down with a takeout package in front of the TV — which cat has lap rights?!?

    (Answer: Both cats will be all huffy with you, for messing with their schedules.)

  83. 83.

    different-church-lady

    March 14, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    OK, what I want to know is: how does the bear operate the phone?

  84. 84.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    @different-church-lady: They have a raccoon dial the number, I would assume.

  85. 85.

    danielx

    March 14, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    @efgoldman:

    Cats don’t do guilt.

    Got that right.

    Dogs have guilt written all over them when they do wrong, but they feel no embarrassment about anything whatsoever. Cats are never guilty about anything, but when they have done been caught doing something reprehensible or foolish the attitude is either ‘i meant to do that’ or ‘whatta you looking at?’. Followed by ‘i’m going to have a bath and a nap, let me know when dinner is ready’.

  86. 86.

    Villago Delenda Est

    March 14, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    @different-church-lady: How does the Pope catch the salmon?

  87. 87.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 14, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    @Anne Laurie: he knows the bedroom is a foreign land, but he’ll venture in now and then. Sometimes we send him out but usually it’s just that the door is closed. But I’m not sure he can even tell that the me who’s outside taking out the trash, that he sees through the window, is me.

  88. 88.

    CatHairEverywhere

    March 14, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    Last summer, I adopted 2- 12 year old, declawed cats from our local shelter. They had been dumped when their owner went into Alzheimer’s care. We ended up getting a cat door that fits in a window, (it works like the ones for sliding glass doors) and enclosed an area under the trellis outside the window to be their cat area, so they can enjoy the outdoors in a safe way. We made a simple door so I can access the area and clean litterboxes. It was not expensive- the posts and lattice top were already there, and we just used 1x3s and screening for the sides. I have pots of catnip and cat grass in there, along with a high shelf for surveying one’s territory. They like it!
    p.s. My 5 year old orange kitty boy disappeared on 12/15/16, and my worry about his fate made me decide that any future cats will be indoors only. He knew how to use the dog door, and usually only let himself out for short trips around the yard. The uncertainty is awful.

  89. 89.

    different-church-lady

    March 14, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck…

  90. 90.

    catclub

    March 14, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    @khead:

    and the townhouse I bought with my wife.

    civilized people use money.

  91. 91.

    different-church-lady

    March 14, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    No more calls please, we have a winner.

  92. 92.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 14, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Fly rod?

  93. 93.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 14, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    @catclub: except for healthcare, then they use chickens.

  94. 94.

    Gvg

    March 14, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    @reality-based (the original, not the troll): closest thing that I have heard of is when my cat ate a skink. They are sort of poisonous. Mitts scared us by falling off the upper shelf of the utility room with a crash of boxes, then being unable to get up. We guessed she had broken her back and my dad had his gun out unhappily but I was crying so they called an emergency vet. Back then it was a new idea, emergency vet care. Parents called me to the phone to describe cat symptoms and she was so afraid she dragged herself up and came to me. Her back legs weren’t under control and she walked drunk. They tested and guessed she ate a skink. Maybe a toad or frog which also have sometimes poisonous glands and skin. Florida had a lot of exotics even then.
    I am not sure why they didn’t think she ate something she found like a bait.

  95. 95.

    Bonnie

    March 14, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    Steve must have a secret computer at an undisclosed location to use to follow you twitter. Maybe he got all caught up in an Angry Birds game.

  96. 96.

    rikyrah

    March 14, 2017 at 11:25 pm

    I am glad that he is home.?

  97. 97.

    Mobile

    March 14, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    Having lived with dogs my whole life, I must confess I’m not much of a cat person. But many years ago when I lived in an old house in Alexandria, Virginia, I borrowed a friend’s young cat to take care of a mouse problem I was having. A few weeks later, mouse problem solved, I tried to give the cat back to my friend who informed me that the cat was now mine, and there was nothing I could do to talk him into taking the cat back. That might have been ok, but for one major problem. The cat really seemed to hate me. Never the less, I made a home for the cat and we coexisted for a number of years until one day she disappeared. For weeks I searched every street and alleyway in a several block area around my place. I honestly had become very fond of my curmudgeonly friend, but my search proved fruitless. Fast forward four years. I am in the kichen and hear a meow at the back door. My prodigal feline had returned. She offered no explanation regarding her absence and took up residence as if nothing had happened. In all, my aloof friend and I lived together for 21 years (minus her 4 year absence) before she crossed the rainbow bridge. Although her passing left a big hole in my heart, I have never been tempted to replicate the cat-human experience, and am quite happy living with my far more convivial canine family.

  98. 98.

    01jack

    March 14, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    @glory b:

    has anyone seen the video of Olly the rescue Jack Russell at the Crufts agility competition? Can’t link, but he’s hilarious and having the time of his life.

    Just saw it. My mutt terrier does agility much like that.

  99. 99.

    seaboogie

    March 14, 2017 at 11:35 pm

    @reality-based (the original, not the troll): Vestibular disorder. It’s very disconcerting, but mends itself – usually.

    My dog had it twice – the first time very debilitating (like a stroke), but he recovered nearly fully, the second time not so much.

    So when my cat woke me up crashing around on my bed, I turned the light on and witnessed an epic Nystagmus (eyes moving from side to side, which is a symptom of vestibular disorder). Kitty looked like that Felix wall clock – it was kind of crazy, but I understood what was up (was much more subtle in my pup). Soothed her and kept her by my side, and she woke up in the am like nothing had ever happened.

    Basically, it’s like their internal gyroscope has utterly failed, and they can’t orient themselves, or move properly. Usually resolves on it’s own, as you have learned.

  100. 100.

    seaboogie

    March 14, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    @catclub: Heh.

  101. 101.

    MoxieM

    March 15, 2017 at 12:09 am

    @Omnes Omnibus–why yes she can fence ;) …she’s a Newfoundland, they have all sorts of talents–She looks me in the eye on when on her hind feet; they don’t do the dog paddle–they do a breast stroke; they can jump from helicopters to do water rescue; their toes are webbed for swimming; and they are stubborn and lazy minxes unless there a drowning person nearby. Marvelous critters.

    Seriously…a 5 ft or higher cyclone fence, preferably accessed somehow directly from the house (the whole shebang, if possible, makes dog owning dreamy, although you do need to clean up your own dog’s crap…I notice that those who go walkabout often don’t.)

    Unrelated: will some kind soul tell me how to embed the link to the name so my comment refers back to the earlier poster who commented? I feel like a dunce…many would say I am one– but I could use that little help. Fank you.

  102. 102.

    Steeplejack (tablet)

    March 15, 2017 at 12:51 am

    @MoxieM:

    Click the “Reply” link at the end of the comment to which you want to reply. That will take you to the “Leave a Comment” box and include a hyperlink to the one you are responding to.

  103. 103.

    Anonymous patient

    March 15, 2017 at 12:54 am

    @MoxieM:

    You just need to tap the reply button of the comment you want to link to.

    Try it out.

  104. 104.

    Suzanne

    March 15, 2017 at 1:04 am

    Sigh. Steve is so beautiful. He reminds me so much of my dearly departed Nico, aka The Best Cat Ever.

  105. 105.

    Stephane Riopel

    March 15, 2017 at 1:07 am

    Is this the cold open for the new season of Stranger Things?

  106. 106.

    MoxieM

    March 15, 2017 at 2:00 am

    @Steeplejack (tablet): brilliant ! thank you

  107. 107.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    March 15, 2017 at 2:29 am

    @MoxieM:

    By Jove, I think you’ve got it!

  108. 108.

    Phoebes

    March 15, 2017 at 4:18 am

    @CatHairEverywhere: I hope he returns.

  109. 109.

    Arclite

    March 15, 2017 at 4:29 am

    LOL, when you wrote “Steve’s Excellent Adventure” and “Steve Won’t come Home” I assumed it was some kind of reference to Steve King. Glad to hear that Steve Kat came home safe and sound.

  110. 110.

    steverinoCT

    March 15, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    I got two kittens when in Florida, and put a cat flap in my apt sliding door. They were always in and out, bringing in lizards to play with and eat in the A/C. I thought they were out all day in the heat until I discovered they just left when I did, went around the corner, and hung out with a lady that had three of her own cats (in 1BR apt!). When I moved to CT 2 yrs later the outside had strays and raccoons and woodchucks so I kept them inside, with a screened-in patio. They never minded. I would let them cross the hall (same lady– Navy xfers) and once someone let them outside. I gave them an hour, and one walked in when I opened the door, the other took another hour: routine, as far as they were concerned. Go figure. The kitten I added in CT was indoor-only until he was relocated to someone who let him out, and lived out his days across the street from my new house, visiting on occasion. *Now* I would keep a cat indoors– saw the neighborhood gray fox roaming around just the other day.

  111. 111.

    CatHairEverywhere

    March 15, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    @Phoebes: Me too. It”s terrible not knowing what happened.

  112. 112.

    Theodore Wirth

    March 18, 2017 at 6:57 pm

    Dear John Cole,

    You should keep Steve indoors. Our two indoor cats are sleek and healthy. The only accidents that happen are an occasional cut from “too much foolin’ comes cryin’.” We provide setups where they can survey their domain from various locations in the abode and they are not interested in actually going outdoors.

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