Bixby blocking the door when he realized we were going out to lunch without him.
There will be a Writers Chatting post tomorrow – 12:30/11:30/10:30/9:30. Hope you can pop in. I also am in contact with our favorite Wiley Cash about doing another chat – for sure when his new book comes out, but maybe I can persuade him to pop in before that date.
Sad puppeh is sad.
I spent time with LFern’s foster puppies on Wednesday (original photos here) and I’m afraid I didn’t have a chance to take any photos. Mostly because I spent a great deal of time with 8 snuggly, fluffy puppies sleeping on me. I can’t tell you how completely relaxing that was and it was difficult to tear myself away. Lolly, the mom, has really stolen my heart and her adoptive people will surely get much scrutiny from myself and Lfern’s entire family. She’s a keeper.
They all had a vet visit late this week and I’m waiting to hear how that went. Lolly is horribly thin (think Walter, RIP, thin and still feeding her pups) because she and another mom were locked in an abandoned house with 15 pups. And still, she is the sweetest thing who totally loves people and wants nothing more than to sit in your lap and be rubbed all over.
Just as I was about ready to leave, we decided the weather had cleared enough to bring them all outside and romp around. Which completely killed another 45 minutes with fun. Despite their rough start, these are a smart, social and sweet bunch and will make great pets for some very lucky people.
We are all suspecting that maybe, possibly, the litters got mixed up – most of the pups have some resemblance to Lolly, except two – who look suspiciously like their dad was part Chihuahua. Especially Scout, who I renamed Scooby, because he looks so much like a tiny Scooby-Doo when he’s running around on his short Chihuahua legs.
If I have the chance to visit them again before they are placed, promise I’ll get photos.
Open thread.
Elmo
I haven’t seen the backstory on the pups, but bear in mind that it is entirely possible for a single litter to have multiple sires.
And yay! puppehs!
schrodingers_cat
I is dead from the cute.
/fans herself.
LAO
Poor Bixby!
WereBear
Who, in the name of all that is holy, does that?
Especially these days, when no kill shelters abound. This kind of thing gets me livid with rage. It is also, I suspect, how we acquired Reverend Jim, who was rescued in the nick of time, and after a month of vet care was still looking on the brink of death.
Enjoy that filled bowl, Lolly!
Miss Bianca
Oh, Tamara, the puppy cuteness slays! Thanks for the writing group heads-up – if I brave the roads to go shopping today, I may be able to make it in real time tomorrow!
Thoughtful David
Here’s a bit of writing I found, on the label of a bottle of Castello Monaci Liante Salice Salentino. OK, so I know wine label text can be pretty overblown and loaded with jargon and snobistry, but this is in a class by itself:
“The long corridor which links the main road to the castle is a line which goes through the estate. A meridian which divides the vineyards and opens the gates to the modern cellar. Here spreads the sun which floods the land and creates unique shapes, like the fruits to which it gives birth. Castello Monaci. Crafted by the Sun.”
If I had written that myself I would submit it to the Bulwer-Lytton contest, with expectation of winning first prize.
Citizen_X
From Texas Parks and Wildlife: Game Warden Kitteh, keeping a sharp eye out for poachers!
(And yes, it’s April Fools; there’s no program for kitty wardens; but I will believe some warden’s cat actually likes to go out on the water with him, and the life vest is cute.)
ETA: the link is to their FB page, just scroll down for the pic.
geg6
@Thoughtful David:
I hate that bullshit on wine labels. Tell me what it tastes like, damn it. I always assume any vineyard is beautiful and sun-dappled.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@Thoughtful David:
Wow. Purple and convoluted prose. At least they mostly avoided archaic word choice as well.
West of the Rockies (been a while)
@West of the Rockies (been a while):
The word which appears five times in the paragraph!
PaulW
There is a Camp NaNoWriMo for April if you start right now – with a flexible word count tracker – you could get some writing work done.
https://campnanowrimo.org/sign_in
germy
@jurassicpork: ?
PaulW
@WereBear:
Someone back on Pi Day dropped off two little kittens at my library. They were healthy, groomed, lacking fleas, friendly towards people… they followed people into the library lobby and were eager to sniff around and hang out with people. I would have adopted them right there if I didn’t already have two keeping me busy.
One of my co-workers works with the SPCA with the feral populations and rescues, so she took them in and the two were adopted right away. They did not, sadly, keep the names – Apple and Pecan – I gave them. :(
Thoughtful David
@West of the Rockies (been a while):
Yeah. I want to see how this “line” “opens the gates.” And apparently the “unique shapes” the sun creates must all sort of be ovoid/spherical, like, say, a grape?
I didn’t even notice that “which” was in there five times.
rikyrah
Your dogs are beautiful. Way too big, but beautiful.
debit
@germy: It only posts here to beg for money. I don’t think it even comes back to check for responses.
On thread: I hope mom and puppies all find loving homes. What kind of monster does that? Even the asshole who had Kelpie realized he couldn’t care for her anymore and surrendered her to the Humane Society.
Pogonip
@germy: This person pops up every so often on various blogs asking for money.
Gin & Tonic
@germy: S/he’s a beggar who comes by once in a blue moon to blogwhore and beg for cash.
germy
@Pogonip: Very smart to pick the puppy thread. I guess the logic is “these animal lovers are a soft touch!” Also, writers are always eager to help fellow writers.
Shrewd.
CaseyL
@jurassicpork: @germy:
I don’t know if jurassicpork was ever an actual commenter, but so far as I can tell the only time they show up is to beg for money.
Some time back Cole called them out on it, and they vanished for a while.
Now they’re back. I’d definitely NOT throw any $$ that way.
germy
@Gin & Tonic: !
debit
@debit: And when I say “care” I mean in the loosest possible sense of the word. Food, water and shelter from the elements. Other than that, she was on her own.
Cain
Just want to let y’all know that my cocktail party went off splendidly and the food came out really nicely! A nice time was had by all.. and I had a nice little hangover the next day. :-) I blame the Irish whiskey. I didn’t eat the entire day, as I was cooking adn when the party started, I didn’t feel like eating. While I love cooking, I’m not a huge fan of overly spiced food (which was what I was cooking) The irony is the next day I really craved a burger which is what I made.. so good. :-)
ETA: In keeping with the pet nature of htis thread.. Kiki, my friend’s cat has been with me for the past 2 weeks or so. She’s been fun having her around. She’s barely a year old and gets into everything. Which is great, since I got no car, and being shut up in a place with no public transport, having a companion helps a lot. She’s got a dog personality, loves to fetch, loves mock battle.. my friend offered to let me keep her, but I said no because I’m not in a place to take care of her just yet.
Yarrow
Poor Bixby! You are so m33n to leave him while you go enjoy a nice lunch! Seriously, he’s so cute guarding the door.
That puppy is adorable. Horrible that someone would do that to an animal. Inexcusable. So glad they were found in time. I hope you have more pictures next time!
Mnemosyne
@PaulW:
I’m signed up — I like that I can do an hour or page count, not just a word count.
Pogonip
@debit: I’m guessing he turns at least a minimal profit or he wouldn’t keep doing it. He doesn’t really need to check the blogs where he makes his pitches, all he needs to do is check Paypal.
The funny thing is, if you read his site, he’s a pretty good writer and could probably earn the money with a tip jar, an Amazon link like Cole has, or Patros or whatever that’s called. Maybe he just likes toying with the gullible.
TaMara (HFG)
@Pogonip: Not in my thread.
Gin & Tonic
@Cain: I guess my invitation got lost in the mail.
“Hey, guys, I had a fantastic time at that party I organized and didn’t invite you to.”
Pogonip
@TaMara (HFG): Yes, I see you deleted him.
Cole may be grouchy and profane and pantsless, but he’s not mendacious, God bless him!
WereBear
@Citizen_X: That’s awesome, thanks! Shared on the Way of Cats Facebook page :)
Perfect timing.
debit
@TaMara (HFG): I support this move on your part.
WereBear
@PaulW: Oh, you were strong. I find it very difficult not to… but these days, there are so many more wonderful options to get them homes, it is also not as necessary.
WereBear
The kind who don’t vaccinate, don’t neuter, never bond with them, and abandons them the moment it suits them better.
It says a lot about dogs and cats that they can come through such treatment without losing their love for humans.
WereBear
Kitten Tristan would sit in our boots. Try and get them on now, hooman!
debit
@WereBear: I can’t even look at adoptable cats or kittens, because chances are I would bring all of them home.
Pogonip
@TaMara (HFG): What really annoys me is bloggers who can’t pay the gas bill or whatever and then write about what a great time they had at some event I might have found interesting but couldn’t afford to attend–with pictures, so you know the party was indeed there. That ain’t no way to pocket pennies from Pogonip!
Miss Bianca
@debit: oh, did that guy come around again? Pathetic! And not in a good way. Good on Tamara for nixing him.
humboldtblue
For the first time since October you can call my beautiful and ridiculously good-looking self “sun-dappled” now that Spring has sprung. Nearly 60 inches of rain since October, six weeks of near-freezing or below freezing temps and multiple washouts, slipouts, and rock and debris slides has made this winter a real bitch.
Today, however, today it’s 65 and sunny and I just spent an hour on the back steps soaking up some sun like a salamander on a rock.
Miss Bianca
@Mnemosyne: hey, Mnem – want to hear more about your conference – heard you had a death-defying experience, so glad you came out of it OK!
O/T, did you ever have a chance to look at those pages I sent you?
debit
@WereBear: Yep. I still get teary when I think of how sweet and kind Walter was, after what had to be months (if not years) of suffering. He just wanted love.
schrodingers_cat
@Miss Bianca: I did get them, and read half of them almost immediately, unfortunately I didn’t finish it because RL intervened. I will finish it and get back to you soon. Sorry about the delay, I is a bad kitteh.
WereBear
@Pogonip: It is extremely difficult to make money from blogging. As the popularity goes up, so does the bandwidth bills.
To actually monetize, you need to write books or offer videos or get consultant work in the field. A lucky few can get hired onto bigger sites, but HuffPo, for instance, pays nothing to their contributors. They get exposure and that’s all.
debit
@WereBear: How long has it been since John asked for help with hosting expenses? I feel like I should kick something over to his paypal account and make the donation in honor of jurrasicpork.
Suzanne
@Pogonip: I used to read a mom blog with a writer like that…..always begging for money from readers so she could afford organic food, but then going to every blogger conference. I was like…..I don’t eat much organic food, and just STAAAAAAAAAAAHP. I stopped reading and not long afterward, she closed the blog because her readers had turned on her.
We are taking the Spawns to the opening of a new splash pad today, and then to the Pride parade tomorrow. Spawn the Elder is still having a hard time. Turns out that she did want to say that she wants to go live with my ex, but that it was really all more bound up in that her anxiety is off the charts right now. I have her back in therapy and we are seeing her psychiatrist next week. I think the Lexapro she was on just completely stopped working about a month ago. She told me that she is now feeling better at home, though I have arranged for her to spend a bit more time with her dad, and I have lost nine pounds in the last two weeks because I can’t eat.
schrodingers_cat
@Suzanne:
You need to take care of yourself, first.
Baud
@debit: I’m still not completely convinced this is a legitimate operation.
Miss Bianca
@schrodingers_cat: you is not bad kitteh, and you will be even better if you can post another link to pics of that hunky actor…name escapes me… that you referenced the other day… ;-)
WereBear
@debit: I don’t know if he’s ever shared how it goes, but I do use his Amazon link a lot, especially when I hear about a good book here.
And the store goes to animal rescue.
MoxieM
Doggle question: I’ll be moving to a condo (western MA, woo hoo!) But, my elderly Newf lady will not be making the trip with me (tears will come, and have been coming). So, condo situation is that I’ll have 35 lbs or less for a doggle. I’ve had Newfies for 20+ years, and know from nothing about smaller dogs.
So I’m looking for input on small dogs who have calm demeanors, who are understanding and kind … like giant dogs … probably not a terrier. I am very open to Heinz 57s and pound mutts, but knowing a little bit about ingredients would be helpful. (All but one of my Newfs were rescues). I love older doggies and seniors too. Thanks in advance.
debit
@Suzanne: I am so sorry. I know you’ve been having issues with her and that your ex has been a dick about it. You can’t fix everything, you can only do what you have been doing; handling the situation as best you can. Teenage girls are difficult at the best of times, adding in other factors makes dealing with them even more fraught. Stop, breathe, and eat something. If you aren’t taking care of yourself you can’t take can’t take care of her.
Yarrow
@Suzanne: So sorry things are difficult with Spawn the Elder. You are a good mom no matter what. Sounds like you are doing all the right things to help her.
Remember to take care of yourself. Model that good behavior so she can see you taking care of you and she knows that taking care of herself is important. Hopefully you can find a way to get a bit of a break. I hope the splash pad and parade are fun.
Cain
@Gin & Tonic:
Aww, you can come next time, there will be other parties. :-)
Suzanne
@debit: Thx. She is having this toxic combination of thirteen-year-old girl plus anxiety/depression plus friend drama, and she is having a hard time coping. I found her cutting last week….first time in a year for that. And it was all about friend stuff.
I kind of hate her friends.
WereBear
@MoxieM: Oh, what a heartbreak. I am a giant Newfie fan.
Looking for calm under 35 pounds, I must caution you against anything terrier. They are all about high energy. Instead, think spaniel. A Cavalier King Charles has adorable ways and calm down from puppyhood pretty early.
With mixes, you can adopt a grown dog, which is much more of a known quantity for both size and temperament.
For personality plus and the ease of wearing them out in an apartment hallway, the spaniel-based Papillon (Continental Toy Spaniel) is the dog I would have if I had a small dog. It’s like having your own little furry circus clown. They are awesome companions. I talked my mother into one and it has become her favorite breed.
Cain
@humboldtblue:
Was that yesterday? Cuz today it is all grey and stuff and raining. It’s been pretty much gloomy all month with constant rain. I’m betting a number of transplants are getting twitchy. :-)
Iowa Old Lady
@Suzanne: It’s so hard to watch our kids struggle. Glad she’s doing a bit better.
Mnemosyne
@Miss Bianca:
It was pretty freaky. It was odd that the primary feeling I had (other than terror) was Are you fucking kidding me? THIS is how it ends?! But, luckily, my lunch partner had taken first aid and knew the Heimlich.
I did get your pages but I am also a bad person who got wrapped up in other stuff and hasn’t gotten to them yet. This is my first weekend at home in almost a month, so I’m hoping to get back to the pages soon.
Cain
@Suzanne:
Hi Suzanne, so sorry that you’re going through this pain. I’m sure everything will work out for the best and things will be fine. Please take care of yourself as others have said because you are no good to her if you end up getting sick. I suggest that you see a therapist yourself if possible.
Pogonip
@Suzanne: Oh, my. Sorry to hear that. Hang in there!
Suzanne
@WereBear: TERRIERS MAKE ME CRAZY. My mother adopted Chica, who is a Chihuahua/terrier mix. When Mom moved in with me, so did Chica. To quote Awesomely Luvvie, LORT. Chica is…,,trying.
Pogonip
@Baud: Shhhh!
WereBear
@Suzanne: I hope she can make some new friends. She doesn’t have to settle.
Miss Bianca
@Mnemosyne: I can’t even imagine. Well, yeah I can. I was eating a sirloin for lunch the other day and I kept cutting it into tinier and tinier pieces, chewing for a long long time…flashing back to my mom warning me about doing so to avoid choking!
debit
@Suzanne: I remember being that age and being an utterly horrible little hormone bomb. I was hateful to my mom for no reason that I can remember. And yes, teenage girls can be so cruel and awful to one another. It won’t make any difference to her that in a few years she’ll think back on this and wonder why she cared what they thought or did, but you can try telling her anyway.
WereBear
@Suzanne: Oh, I know. “Calm little dog” can seem like an oxymoron.
And my favorites are the big dogs, like Newfies and Bernese Mountain Dogs and Great Danes. But there is a dog for every purpose… if people would research the breeds and know how to read breed cues in mixes.
Pogonip
@WereBear: Yes, I’ve heard they pay nothing. Why anyone who wants to make a living writing would mess with them I can’t fathom. My view has always been, there is fun writing (fan fiction, fiction that pays in copies of magazines with a circulation of 13, pontificating in comment sections) and there’s serious writing for which you earn SOMETHING even if it’s only pennies from Amazon clicks. If you want to be paid and your writing isn’t good enough to get paid, continue practicing until it is, and continue shopping around the not-good-enough stuff until someone pays something for it. If you look at Amazon you will be amazed at what people pay to read. I sure was.
WereBear
@debit: I think thirteen particularly sucks because just when you get awesome at the whole kid thing, the rug gets pulled out from under you and you have to start over as a TEEN, which is a state no one in their right mind wants to return to.
Miss Bianca
@MoxieM: I’m rather partial to Poms, myself, tho’ they can be barky…but they’re so cute, and so sweet, and when they start the whirling dervish Pom dance and then fall over, having exhausted themselves, damn funny, too!
Pogonip
@MoxieM: You’d probably have to meet each individual prospect. (New business concept: speed dog dating!)
Mnemosyne
@Suzanne:
I have a theory, which is unscientific and my own, that a lot of people who are prone to drug and alcohol addiction also have a genetic propensity to anxiety, and drugs/alcohol is how they self-medicate for it. It’s quite possible that your Spawn inherited a tendency to anxiety from her dad so you well may be dealing with something that’s innate for her, not something you’re causing (even if you both feel that way sometimes). There are ways to moderate the way you interact with her while still helping her stay on track with school and other things — you can ask her therapist if there are any parenting classes or group therapy sessions she might recommend for you. If nothing else, it might help you to get out there and talk to other parents with anxious kids.
I also understand why an anxious 13-year-old would find it appealing to spend time with slacker dad who lets her sit around and play video games rather than achiever mom who wants her to do stuff like homework. I know there are a couple months of school left, but would you be willing to let her take a summer “vacation” with him for a week or two once school is done?
WereBear
LOL! We are in the golden age of self-publishing. But then, there’s something for everyone, this way.
I think with HuffPo it’s worth it to some to get the word out, others for the exposure that lures people back to their blog, etc. In my case, in order to make any money with my blog I need to write a book. Which is what I am doing.
MoxieM
@Suzanne: Hey Suzanne– my heart goes out to you. I have been is a similar situation, but with an older daughter (thank the good FSM). On the other hand she promptly moved across the ocean ass soon as she graduated from college. Can’t blame her, but it’s painful as hell.
I will be bold, and recommend the Chumplady blog–just google it. I found it very helpful and, picking and choosing, there is good advice there. It’s very much a community–people even do regional get togethers, which honestly I have found a mixed bag. But there is a lot of support and advice for coparenting with a … (if I may be so assertive).
It sounds like you are actually doing the best you can to be the sane parent, which is the best thing you can do for your kids. Nobody told me it gets continually harder to be a parent the older they get, but it’s true. Just do please try and take care of yourself. ((hugs))
MomSense
@Suzanne:
It’s so hard to see our kids suffer and not be able to just fix it already, dammit. Going through it myself right now. Since I’m the one who dives down into the shit to help I tend to get most of the anger. That’s ok. It’s part of being the safe one. Still it sucks and some days you just hope to endure. Sending you a big hug.
debit
@Mnemosyne:
I agree with you. Alcoholism and depression are all over my family tree (both grandfathers, my dad, my brother all suffered from both). After years of on/off self medicating with alcohol, I finally started on prozac and feel like what I assume normal is supposed to be. Obviously I still get upset, nervous, and sometimes depressed, but at least now I have the ability to step back and evaluate why I’m feeling that way instead of dissolving into a puddle of sweat and tears.
debit
@WereBear: I hope you’ll let us know when your book is out.
WereBear
@debit: Thanks! I certainly will :)
Pogonip
Speaking of books, I have 3 to recommend:
The Lost Art of Reading Nature’s Signs
How to Read Water–both by Tristan Gooley
Training for Sudden Violence, by Rory Miller
You’ll probably know some of what’s in all 3, but all 3 each taught me several new ways to perceive and understand what’s around me, and at &1.99 each what have you got to lose?
(Mr. Miller’s book will obviously be of help to those attending Balloon Juice meet-ups. ?)
West of the Rockies (been a while)
My daughter struggled some from 13-15…
Supportive, compassionate friends are so helpful but rare at that age… she’s now found some who are fabulous. She was also doing a lot of caretaking for her mom (my ex) who had taken up with a younger man-child, an unemployed, alcoholic forty-two year old who my daughter despised. Thankfully, he’s out of the picture.
I’m trying to be as stable, steady and supportive as I can be. Sounds like you’re doing the same, Suzanne. Keep up the good effort.
Writing Thread tomorrow — huzzah!
CarolDuhart2
Why, or why, don’t I get return visits? I know that writing is hard work, and thanks to some of you I don’t worry so much as I used to. But is it that I have to post every day to get someone, or am I just a bad writer? A little handholding won’t hurt, and if I really am that bad….by the way, my blog: Carol Duhart’s Aquariusmoon Lounge
As for writing, what do you find harder, writing a book or writing for a blog?
Iowa Old Lady
@CarolDuhart2: I don’t know why you don’t get return visits, Carol, but I don’t think you’re a bad writer. Maybe these days a blogger fights an uphill battle because readers turn first to other social media.
debit
@CarolDuhart2: For perspective: when I started to get into bike repair and cycling, I discovered a blog called Lovely Bicycle. The woman who maintains it is a lovely writer, a talented photographer and had a very engaging style. She, I believe, makes money from her blog. She also gets all kinds of industry goodies. There’s another woman who writes about cycling, is engaging, a talented competitor, well known in her cycling area. Her blog gets one or two comments a post. Why? I honestly don’t know. But I do know you can’t base your self worth on page hits or comments.
Pogonip
@CarolDuhart2: I tried your link and it’s broken–came up 404 Not Found.
SiubhanDuinne
@CarolDuhart2:
Your link took me to a Balloon Juice – Page Not Found. And you need to enter your website in your BJ profile so that we can just click on your nym and be taken directly to your blog.
WereBear
Blog pieces are short, but demands a variety of ideas and approaches to the subject.
But a book can be even harder, because you have to write a bunch of blog posts and then blend them together coherently.
It’s not enough to write well. You also have to make sure people who are searching for your kind of thing can find you. Like, your link: it’s wrong! So that would mean people would have a hard time using it :)
And it is very slow going at first.
WereBear
@CarolDuhart2: And yes, while you don’t have to post every day, you have to establish a schedule and stick to it. Search engines find sporadic blogs, and blogs with too much time between posts, to be given a low priority.
MattF
Somewhat OT. A non-detection of the tooth fairy.
schrodingers_cat
@Miss Bianca: Is this the one?
CarolDuhart2
Hopefully This Link Does Work
Suzanne
@Mnemosyne: Oh, Spawn has anxious/depressed people on both sides, and my ex definitely self-medicated with drugs and alcohol, starting very young. So I am pretty vigilant about that. I am definitely anxiety prone myself. I went to a counseling session with her last week and we talked about how to connect better, which I am trying to do. I have seen improvement between us this week, so that’s good, but she still has no coping skills with the friends,
I have no problem with her spending more time at her dad’s during the summer. In fact, he is entitled to more parenting time than he currently takes, because he can’t manage to hold down a job and care for children. He wants his time to be for fun and bonding, and he tells me about all of the deep, meaningful conversations he has with Spawn in which she complains about me making her anxious because I expect her to study and not fill up her room with dirty dishes and I talk to her about college. Note how abusive I am.
cain
@debit: I have recently determined that I am suffering from anxiety. I probably need to start seeing a therapist. So hard to do when you don’t have a job. That stuff is so expensive. But I’m wondering if that is what is needed. The anxiety comes from being hyperactive/ADHD. I find it very difficult to start stuff.
Miss Bianca
@Pogonip: speaking of book recommends, I am currently making my way thru’ “Libertarians on the Prairie”, which documents the fraught mother-daughter/co-writer relationship between Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane. I had heard that Rose had a much larger hand in shaping the “Little House” books than was ever publicly acknowledged – fascinating to see how her political views helped shape the narratives. I may have to go back and re-read the Little House series. Funny, for people who talk so much about freedom and independence, how much they depended on the government clearing the way for white settlers.
Now I’m to the point where Rose is losing her friends the Levines over not being able to grasp why they might have wanted the US to enter the war against the Axis. The whole “Jewish question” appears to have been slightly more academic for her than for them.
Mnemosyne
So Berkeley Breathed did another “Bloom County”/”Calvin and Hobbes” crossover for April Fool’s Day, and it is awesome.
Iowa Old Lady
@CarolDuhart2: It occurs to me that in saying bloggers fight an uphill battle, I may have sounded as if I was trying to discourage you, which I didn’t mean at all. My experience has been that external reward is uncertain in writing, so the best thing a writer can do is write what they find satisfying. If it’s blogging, do it. And don’t blame yourself for that lack of external reward. That’s the nature of the beast.
Mnemosyne
@Suzanne:
Meh. Every kid needs a safe space to vent about how mmmmeeeaaannnn their parents are for making them do homework and chores. Where your ex is being an asshole is by telling you what she’s saying instead of just letting her vent. Unless he tells you something serious (like she’s cutting again), you should probably try to let it roll off your back.
Mnemosyne
@cain:
Speaking as someone else with ADHD (combined type), the anxiety may be a side effect of ADHD and not its own thing. I had some long-standing issues with depression that pretty much went away after I started regular treatment and medication for the ADHD — turned out that I was situationally depressed about struggling with ADHD, not clinically depressed.
You might want to take a look at Additude magazine — they have an extensive website with a TON of articles about every aspect of ADHD, including adult ADHD.
schrodingers_cat
@MoxieM: Where is you at?
@CarolDuhart2: I like your blog and your writing is delightful. I was a bit distracted by your blog theme with the black ground and too many font colors. May be its that’s keeping you from getting repeat customers? Just a thought. Please feel free to ignore if you disagree.
Suzanne
@Mnemosyne: Spawn has ADHD and I think that treating her for that has been a big help, in terms of the anxiety. But she definitely is not coping well with the friend drama. She has a big fear of abandonment and rejection, and the cutting was all done in response to those things.
Pogonip
@CarolDuhart2: It worked!
You might consider changing the color. My aging eyes do not cope well with colored text–or even worse, white or gray–on a black background so I always skip those, no matter how interested I am in the topic. I’ll find something else on the topic that I can read. (The only thing worse is yellow or light gray text on a white background–I don’t know how anyone can read that!)
The successful bloggers seem to have a variety of topics (Cole, Naked Capitalism), one topic that has a large interest group (pets, cooking, clothes, makeup, guns, travel), or what I call Hey-Martha-look-at-this, the Fox/MSNBC approach translated to blogging: find something your audience can get satisfyingly mad about (Free Republic, Daily Kos). So if I were starting a blog I’d figure out which of those approaches came naturally to me and then proceed.
Hey, Martha, look at this! Pogonip’s babbling again!
Pogonip
@Miss Bianca: I saw that! If I disn’t have such a big stack, I might have also bought it for $1.99.
cain
@Mnemosyne:
Thank you! I think I am situationaly get anxious. There are definitely some triggers. I’ve taken drugs like concerta and ridalin, they don’t really do anything for me other than make me aware that I am ‘focused’ and my brain is like “what the hell, this is not NORMAL!” so then I end up being focused on that focused feeling because I want to control it. (bit of a feeling control freak, could be anxiety related too) So I have this complex make up. But the thing is, I know more about myself now than I ever have before and accepted that I have these problems where before I wasn’t really aware of them.
I will definitely look at Additude magazine and see if there is some way to at least solve the ‘anxiety’ a little bit so that I can get some breathing room to make improvements. I’ve tried doing meditation, but that hasnt worked out because I keep forgetting to do it.. everything is NOW NOW NOW, as you probably know. :-)
Mnemosyne
@Suzanne:
Ugh. It’s not uncommon to have mental health issues that are comorbid with ADHD, so it’s quite likely that she has anxiety in addition to ADHD. Anne Laurie has said here that she has some OCD that’s comorbid with her ADHD, and she’s been dealing with it long enough that she can distinguish between what’s stemming from the ADHD and what’s from the OCD.
I’m just glad that we now live in a world where kids can actually get treated for shit. I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 40s because when I was growing up, only boys had ADHD, so clearly my problem was that I was lazy and didn’t have enough motivation. ?
Mnemosyne
@cain:
Seriously, I love my smartphone and computer. I can at least get it to remind me when I meant to do something. And though it’s become a bit of a cliche, I found David Allen’s Getting Things Done to be an enormously helpful way to look at, well, what I need to get done. You should be able to check that out of your local library, along with a bajillion books about ADHD.
There are some newer, non-stimulant drugs for ADHD now that might be worth looking into, but I know it’s a pain in the ass to try and get mental health care when you don’t have a job. IIRC, Concerta and Ritalin are the same stimulant in different forms (Concerta is the long-acting form). There’s a different class of stimulants that can work better for some people, but I’m blanking on what they’re called. They have some good articles about medication on Additude.
The big things that are being pushed right now: exercise and protein. 90 minutes of daily exercise can do almost as much good as a stimulant for many people with ADHD.
catpal
Wow suddenly this thread is speaking to me. Currently in a bad work situation where my manager and coworkers are causing a lot of problems in order to get me to quit or fired for cause I guess. The anxiety is starting to get to me as I dread going to work until I can get a new job which hasn’t been as easy a I wish it was. As a longtime lurker sometimes commenter here I find all of you comforting and funny at times. Thanks to this blog.
Pogonip
@catpal: See if your area has a lawyers-for-poor-people service that you can consult.
WereBear
@Miss Bianca: I loved that one! Enjoy.
CarolDuhart2
I changed the background color. I was going for a night theme, but will probably just incorporate that into the header section.
I realize that one problem I have is that i have effectively a 50 hour week now. It takes me an hour to commute each way to work, and nights find me tired. The only time I could really write is on weekends between laundry and errors.
I’m sticking to the relaxation theme on this blog. Yes, it’s less traffic, but I think it fills a niche I haven’t seen anywhere else in this anxious time.
catpal
@Pogonip: I did that recently with a county bar association referral and spoke to an attorney who was very nice to answer my questions but told me that there is nothing I can do unless the employer takes action against me. Making me miserable in my job every day is not provable for anything legal. Thanks but for now I just need to get my anxiety level down and try to find any new job asap.
Mnemosyne
@CarolDuhart2:
I met a writer whose day job is as a pharmaceutical sales rep for the southwest US, so she does a lot of her writing via dictation — sets up her iPhone to record her voice and does it on her long drives from LA to Las Vegas. Something to keep in mind if you have a long commute.
ETA: Also, workday lunchtime can be a surprisingly productive time if you can get a space away from interruptions by your coworkers.
Mnemosyne
@catpal:
Depending on what you do, see if there’s a temp agency or contracting agency that thinks they might be able to find work for you. One that specializes in your field or in the employer you most want to work for is your best bet. Even a six-month contract position would be better for your mental health.
catpal
@Mnemosyne: That is a great idea any temp job would be better. Thanks.
MomSense
@catpal:
Sending you strenth and support. I know very well the anxiety/dread of a bad work situation and how it can jut eat at you and suck all your non work and sleep time.
This sounds crazy but boxing a punching bag or even the air can help. Even better to music. Hugs.
Yarrow
@catpal: I had a similar situation with a bad work situation. I talked to HR because our boss was breaking all sorts of employment laws, but HR pretty much told me there was nothing I could do. And they weren’t interested in doing anything on my behalf. I figured out pretty quickly that HR is there for the company/organization and unless you have a specific contract, you are on your own.
I’d recommend focusing on what you can do for yourself. You can’t change the people you work with/for, so don’t waste your time on that. Focus on what you can change–eating well, exercising, fine-tuning your resume, networking, maybe joining an organization you’re interested in or focusing on a hobby or avocation that you enjoy. Make a list and do one or two of those types of things every day. It won’t change the crappy work situation but it can help you feel more in control of your life while moving you toward your goal.
And remember–the crappy work situation isn’t your fault and isn’t about you. Those people are weird for being the way they are. Focus on yourself and rejoice when you leave them behind.
Steve in the ATL
@Yarrow:
This is true if you have a shitty HR department, which is too often the case, though it is often the case because you have shitty management who wants a shitty HR department that won’t push back on them.
I deal with HR people every day (you guys are totally jealous, right?) and I make them address situations like this one. Worst thing you (the company) can do is to ignore once you (the company) have notice of it.
And if you (the employee) can’t get HR or management to address an issue like this, talk to the EEOC or DOL or even the OFCCP. Management will hate you for it, but they had the chance to do the right thing and chose not to.
MoxieM
@schrodingers_cat: right now I is NW of Boston, on the edge of 495 (Littleton). Heading out the Amherst/Hamp (if I can afford Hamp haha) early summer. I plan to look into Dakin shelter etc. once relocated.
schrodingers_cat
@MoxieM: You should look me up when you are in the area. I know where Dakin is, Leverett is a very pretty town. You can contact me via my blog email.
MoxieM
@schrodingers_cat: thanks–we’ll get a Western MA get together going….
MTHS
What kind of dog is Bixby? He looks just like our most recent rescue in the face, and we are not sure what she is (we suspect she is a Dane mix with maybe a little lab or pittie thrown in).
Miss Bianca
@schrodingers_cat: that’ll do! :-)
catpal
Thank you all for kind words and support. This is the best blog of people!