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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night Oooga-Booga Open Thread: “The Conspiracies of Trumpland”

Late Night Oooga-Booga Open Thread: “The Conspiracies of Trumpland”

by Anne Laurie|  April 4, 20171:30 am| 52 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Trump Crime Cartel, Assholes

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A grueling trip by @annamerlan and @ashleyfeinberg, indefatigably guided by @scoutstout, through Trumpist paranoia https://t.co/VAiFa7poxz

— Tom Scocca (@tomscocca) March 31, 2017

There are, to be sure, some genuine nutball beliefs outlined here (such as Mick Mulvaney’s apparently sincere conviction that bitcoin is superior to the machinations of ‘the Fed’). But most of the ‘conspiracies’ outlined by Merlan & Feinberg are much more a case of ‘let’s see how much manure we can feed the rubes to keep them panicked and stupid’:

Donald Trump is not the kind of man who is willing to go along with accepted facts. From his subjective valuation of his business portfolio, through his bird-dogging of Barack Obama’s birth certificate to his tantrums about the deceptive sparseness of his inaugural crowds, Trump has pursued his own rages and fixations about the real truths—the best truths, the most powerful and shocking truths, the truths the haters and losers don’t want you to know—all the way to the highest office in the land.

Along the way, naturally enough, the Trump movement has become a magnet for a population of true believers. What they believe matters less than that they believe it fiercely and defiantly, without regard for mainstream consensus or factual reality.

Paranoia is the natural complement to narcissism: If you’re the most important person in the world, of course you would be the target of conspiracies. Thus Alex Jones, a man who claimed that the Pulse nightclub shooting was orchestrated by the government and that the Sandy Hook massacre was all a hoax, acts as an unofficial advisor to the President. The White House Chief Strategist made a name for himself hawking right-wing propaganda films before making a bigger name for himself running our very own American Pravda. And the president’s other appointments include an army of conspiracy theorists and nutjob-adjacents, so that our highly persuadable and often hysterical chief executive will never want for imagined enemies to rage against.

To help you navigate the vast assortment of conspiracy theories to which Trump’s staffers subscribe, we’ve compiled a bestiary of crackpot beliefs, pseudo-scientific ideas, and anything otherwise insane that’s come out of the mouths of his cronies and hangers-on who have boldly stood up for what they believe in. And what they believe in is truly something to behold…

‘What they believe in’ is ‘Whatever gives us the most leverage,’ adjusted as necessary. These (mostly) men are nihilists, Donny! — we can’t let them scare us into stress-induced heart failure.

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Reader Interactions

52Comments

  1. 1.

    Major Major Major Major

    April 4, 2017 at 1:37 am

    Check out this goofy-ass picture of me as a kid that my mom found at my grandma’s house. https://imgur.com/a/5KXC3

  2. 2.

    Oatler.

    April 4, 2017 at 1:40 am

    @Major Major Major Major: NIce pic! and I agree with the sidebar statement that we need a porn government.

  3. 3.

    Eljai

    April 4, 2017 at 1:49 am

    @Major Major Major Major: Adorable! Were you a gladiator?

    Re: RWNJ conspiracy theories, my mom in Missouri has an elderly trump voting neighbor who comes up with conspiracies I’ve never heard of — the latest had something to do with drinking orange juice to protect yourself from mites lurking in the back yard.

  4. 4.

    max

    April 4, 2017 at 1:50 am

    These (mostly) men are nihilists, Donny!

    Such nihilists that they’ll knife each other to win.

    we can’t let them scare us into stress-induced heart failure.

    Lots of things to be scared of, and none of them are the Trump administration.

    max
    [‘Oh, to hell with these assholes.’]

  5. 5.

    yet another jeff

    April 4, 2017 at 1:51 am

    I’ve always thought paranoia involved a lot of narcissism. Everyone’s out to get me. Me me me me me!

  6. 6.

    sukabi

    April 4, 2017 at 1:58 am

    @Major Major Major Major: lol …you were a Major then too ☺

  7. 7.

    joel hanes

    April 4, 2017 at 1:58 am

    {Examines chart, reads list]

    It’s an inductive proof of Cleek’s Law

  8. 8.

    Major Major Major Major

    April 4, 2017 at 2:01 am

    To be fair bitcoin is kinda cool.

  9. 9.

    Villago Delenda Est

    April 4, 2017 at 2:09 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    To be fair bitcoin is kinda cool.

    Only if you know jack shit about the history of currency.

    It’s telling that you can’t buy a membership in the Bitcoin Advocacy Club with Bitcoin. Dollars, please, thank you!

  10. 10.

    Villago Delenda Est

    April 4, 2017 at 2:10 am

    @joel hanes: Yerp.

    These asswipes are NOT SANE. “I reject your reality and replace it with my own that isn’t even consistent enough to pass for bad fiction.”

  11. 11.

    Major Major Major Major

    April 4, 2017 at 2:14 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: The people who think of bitcoin as a currency are fucking idiots, yes, but that doesn’t make it any less fascinating as a commodity.

  12. 12.

    Villago Delenda Est

    April 4, 2017 at 2:18 am

    @Major Major Major Major: Now that I can agree with. It is fascinating on that basis. MMO economies are also really cool to observe and see how just plain stupid human behavior affects them.

  13. 13.

    Major Major Major Major

    April 4, 2017 at 2:22 am

    @Villago Delenda Est: And of course blockchains are pretty cool.

  14. 14.

    laura

    April 4, 2017 at 2:23 am

    @Major Major Major Major: I’m laughing at your mighty sword.

  15. 15.

    Major Major Major Major

    April 4, 2017 at 2:25 am

    @laura: I was really into Sleeping Beauty at the time.

    O sword of truth, fly swift and sure! May evil die, and good endure!

  16. 16.

    piratedan

    April 4, 2017 at 2:29 am

    if we somehow find our way out of this mess of GOP Lalaland, and ever get free elections once again… I hope, that once all of the depth of the shit is revealed that we/someone finally puts these fuckers away once and for all. No pardons, no reduced sentences, hard fucking time, confiscation of assets and scorched earth financially and politically for all involved.

    I want it all out on the table… these guys did this… here’s the proof/evidence of said actions… here are the laws broken.

    and then… everyone who played footsy with the truth through all of this bullshit… I want them shamed and professionally broken because of the number of lives that they’ve played fast and loose with, in pursuit of their fucking ideology.

  17. 17.

    fuckwit

    April 4, 2017 at 2:38 am

    This feels like it’s going to take another civil war to finally resolve.

    Or maybe it’ll get solved peacefully in a huge Democratic wave election in 2018.

    But it’s a really dangerous precipice we’re hanging over right now.

  18. 18.

    NotMax

    April 4, 2017 at 2:41 am

    Is this somehow supposed to be revelatory?

  19. 19.

    joel hanes

    April 4, 2017 at 2:51 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Isn’t that Grabthar’s Hammer?

  20. 20.

    Chet Murthy

    April 4, 2017 at 3:05 am

    @Major Major Major Major: *cough* *cough*

    Someday I’m gonna write an paper entitled (where “you” is the generic “you”, not specific, M^4, just to be clear *grin*)

    _Blockchain is a Confidence Scheme and You are the Mark_

    As a protocol, proof-of-work schemes are …. ridiculous, and BFt is only a bit less ridiculous. The proof is simple — just generalize what happened in the DAO hack.

  21. 21.

    gene108

    April 4, 2017 at 3:10 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Cute pic

  22. 22.

    Origuy

    April 4, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Interesting that hotels.com has decided to serve me ads for hotels in San Jose. Presumably because I live in San Jose and often do searches for goods and services here. Not hotels, though, I have a perfectly good house. However, the San Jose hotels are in Costa Rica. I’ve never been there and have no plans to go there. Proving that the Internet doesn’t know everything about me yet.

  23. 23.

    David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch

    April 4, 2017 at 3:29 am

    #Cult45

  24. 24.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    April 4, 2017 at 3:43 am

    @Origuy:

    Proving that the Internet doesn’t know everything about me yet.

    Obviously the Internet knows you better than you know yourself.

  25. 25.

    TenguPhule

    April 4, 2017 at 3:58 am

    @Major Major Major Major: Best part of the movie.

  26. 26.

    Debbie(aussie)

    April 4, 2017 at 4:21 am

    @Major Major Major Major:
    What a cutie! But I think you might have had sword and spear confused. But hey, both 5 letter s words.

  27. 27.

    Millard Filmore

    April 4, 2017 at 4:25 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Obviously the Internet knows you better than you know yourself.

    Our algorithms have determined that you want to buy 3 new leisure suits for your trip to San Jose. They will be delivered tomorrow. Your credit card has automatically been billed.

    Next year Mr Sessions will make it illegal to seed our database with false or misleading queries.

  28. 28.

    GregB

    April 4, 2017 at 4:42 am

    I am sick of the sanctimonious lectures about anti-Russia sentiment from puds like Greenwald and Taibbi and also sick of the flem gargling hate mongering cretins like Alex Jones etc.

    That man should be unable to go out in public without dodging hurled food due to his monstrous attacks on Sandy Hook families.

  29. 29.

    Amir Khalid

    April 4, 2017 at 5:09 am

    @Debbie(aussie):
    Sword is right. That’s what the Prince throws at the Maleficent-dragon in their final battle, after Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather have enchanted it to fly straight into the dragon’s heart.

  30. 30.

    Sab

    April 4, 2017 at 5:29 am

    @Major Major Major Major: Was that a tinfoil hat you were Wearing? Cute picture.

  31. 31.

    bystander

    April 4, 2017 at 6:28 am

    Tried to stomach Moanin’ Joe but the topic was why Susan Rice was abusing her position, although Joe is not saying she actually did anything wrong. We just don’t know.

    Rice smelled smoke and went to see what was burning. Why didn’t she just leave the fire alone?

  32. 32.

    Patricia Kayden

    April 4, 2017 at 6:52 am

    @Major Major Major Major: Awwww. Cute.

  33. 33.

    sebastien

    April 4, 2017 at 6:58 am

    @Amir Khalid: Maleficent’s transformation chilled me as a kid as terrifyingly awesome, and even today, it’s my instinctive reference for ‘cool transformation scene’. Seeing it years later in the Kingdom Hearts game was a TVTropes-worthy ‘Ohcrap’ moment for me.

  34. 34.

    debbie

    April 4, 2017 at 7:15 am

    I woke up angry this morning. Last night, I watched PBS’s documentary about Newtown and was heartbroken. I fell asleep with BBC Overnight on my radio. I probably shouldn’t do that anymore. Then I wake up and hear about this stealth healthcare plan with no scoring and Sessions’ ending DOJ reviews of corrupt police departments. On top of McConnell and his beloved nuclear option, this all has become unbearable.

  35. 35.

    Patricia Kayden

    April 4, 2017 at 7:20 am

    @bystander: The issue isn’t Rice, it’s Putin’s Puppet Trump and his sleazy cohorts, Rice was doing her job. Trump must think he can gaslight everyone.

  36. 36.

    Patricia Kayden

    April 4, 2017 at 7:24 am

    @debbie: And there probably is worse to come. I can’t even lie. **Deep breaths** Unfortunately, when the Devil takes over your country, this is what you can expect. We’ll need another Barack Obama to eventually clean up all this mess.

  37. 37.

    Iowa Old Lady

    April 4, 2017 at 7:26 am

    @debbie: You need a break. We all do.

  38. 38.

    debbie

    April 4, 2017 at 7:30 am

    @Iowa Old Lady:

    No doubt about that, we all do. I’m trying to find a way to channel all this anger without screwing up my back’ It’s so much easier to be angry when you’re young!

  39. 39.

    Kay

    April 4, 2017 at 7:35 am

    Adam Schiff‏Verified account @RepAdamSchiff 12h12 hours ago
    More
    When McConnell deprived President Obama of a vote on Garland, it was a nuclear option. The rest is fallout.

    True.

    Schiff has become my favorite person :)

  40. 40.

    Iowa Old Lady

    April 4, 2017 at 7:35 am

    @debbie: Honestly, I think there are days when you have to walk away and let the news take care of itself for a while. At least, I do.

  41. 41.

    debbie

    April 4, 2017 at 7:42 am

    @Iowa Old Lady:

    You’re right, of course.

  42. 42.

    Woodrowfan

    April 4, 2017 at 7:48 am

    @piratedan: that’s a good start…..

  43. 43.

    Woodrowfan

    April 4, 2017 at 7:52 am

    For some reason I get rwnj ads when I read balloon juice and. lGM my phone. Not at home
    Maybe at home I have clicked on the x to close those ads enough it knows. Ugh
    I keep seeing ads to help kill Obamacare

  44. 44.

    David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch

    April 4, 2017 at 8:00 am

    SHOCKER!

    Tony Romo retires today – entering broadcasting.

  45. 45.

    AnonPhenom

    April 4, 2017 at 8:02 am

    I have my own conspiracy theory as to who and why all these ‘wingnut’ ideas keep popping up. They all seem to aim at creating a political vacuum globally (but not a military one) and undermine all civilian leadership (but not corporate).
    And the current fad of finding ways to hide the fund flow only makes it obvious who is behind it.
    But, I’m just a crazy old coot, don’t mind me.

  46. 46.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 4, 2017 at 8:04 am

    @Patricia Kayden:

    Trump must think he can gaslight everyone.

    He can’t gaslight the Mayor of New York:

    Retweeted Bill de Blasio (@NYCMayor):

    Dear @POTUS,

    The ultimate city of immigrants just had its safest 3 months in modern history.

    Stop vilifying our people.

    Thanks,
    NYC

  47. 47.

    D58826

    April 4, 2017 at 8:15 am

    A question I didn’t get to ask last night – Why does Der Fuhrer need a ‘back-channel’ link to Putin, facilitated by a private citizen? During the transition he should not have been talking to Putin on any substantive matter and now that he is POTUS he has the full array of gov’t serves available to talk to Vald. Even if there are secret negotiations over say Syria the US/Russian relationship is well established and doesn’t need free lancers on out of the way islands. I can understand back-channels in cases like the opening to China or Cuba or dealing with North Korea but Russia seems like a stretch

  48. 48.

    efgoldman

    April 4, 2017 at 8:17 am

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    The ultimate city of immigrants just had its safest 3 months in modern history.

    It’s just another item on the shelf of the RWNJ mouth-breathing, drooling, knuckle dragging flying monkeys’ storage closet of Hate, Spite and Fear, which is all they’ve ever had. They all KNOW that cities are hellholes, where you can’t walk down the street without being shot, raped, knifed, robbed… on a good day.
    Even though most of them never go to a city, and the worst racists among them have hardly ever seen a POC.
    Who’s gonna’ protect them from the dusky hordes?
    I really really hope that Evil Leprechaun had done something indictable. I not only want him resigning, I want him humiliated and bankrupted.

  49. 49.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 4, 2017 at 8:32 am

    @efgoldman:

    I really really hope that Evil Leprechaun had done something indictable. I not only want him resigning, I want him humiliated and bankrupted.

    This is my fervent wish for Trump, his family (notbarronandtiffany), every Secretary in his Cabinet, his senior staff, his shadowy unofficial “advisors,” and the entirety of Republican leadership in both chambers of Congress.

  50. 50.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 4, 2017 at 8:37 am

    Here’s today’s instalment (Part III of IV) in the LATimes editorial series that’s catching so much attention this week. Today’s is on Trump the authoritarian. If you missed the earlier pieces, they’re at the link.

  51. 51.

    AnonPhenom

    April 4, 2017 at 8:43 am

    @AnonPhenom:
    Corporatism only needed democracy when it was threatened by Communism. Now that Communism (and everything that can be conflated with it)) has been marginalized, functional democracy is the threat.

  52. 52.

    bystander

    April 4, 2017 at 9:20 am

    @Patricia Kayden: Seems to be working on Joe. He must feel as if he’s strayed too far from the party line lately. Plus listening to people who do not know what they’re talking about doesn’t help. Rand Paul is making a fool of himself shrieking about subpoenaing Rice. The last thing Trump needs is Rice sitting in front of the Senate detailing why she requested the unmasking.

    Come to think of it, maybe that’s why Paul the Lesser is calling for her testimony.

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