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You are here: Home / It Was a One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

It Was a One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

by John Cole|  April 27, 20179:22 pm| 153 Comments

This post is in: Go Fuck Yourself

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This is great:

The Trump administration this week launched a new hotline called the Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement (VOICE) for people to learn more information about crimes that have been committed by undocumented immigrants.

However, the hotline was quickly flooded by pranksters who called up to report their close encounters with a different kind of “illegal alien” — namely, space aliens who fly around in saucer-shaped ships.

Fusion on Thursday asked Immigration and Customs Enforcement for a response to the people who called them to talk about space aliens, and an agency spokesperson angrily lashed out by calling everyone who participated in the prank “despicable.”

“I hope you won’t dignify this group with the attention they are seeking,” the spokesperson told Fusion. “But if you choose to do so… this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse. Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims; that’s objectively despicable regardless of one’s views on immigration policy.”

Fuck you, Nazi scum. The next President is going to have to resurrect the Allied Control Council and engage in denazification of these fucking brownshirts at ICE.

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Reader Interactions

153Comments

  1. 1.

    Warren Terra

    April 27, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    The post title is pretty much what I tweeted last night – the singing program The Voice wants people to call in with their auditions, and VOICE wants to hear about scary aliens, so why not accomplish two tasks at once and call the VOICE hotline with a stirring rendition of Purple People Eater?

  2. 2.

    Hildebrand

    April 27, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    Live by the dumb, die by the dumb.

  3. 3.

    JPL

    April 27, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    There is no stopping him, because Comey was more concerned about weakening Hillary. Now he’s stuck.

  4. 4.

    Boussinesque

    April 27, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    I’m glad people are doing this–it certainly beats the hell out of having the lines flooded by people calling in to get their “official” justification for their prejudices against immigrants juiced. Feel the shame of public humiliation in the news and social media, fascist scum. It’s a poor payment for all the pain they’re enabling, but I’ll take what I can get these days.

  5. 5.

    mai naem mobile

    April 27, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    I really want to call about an orange haired alien living on Pennsylvania Ave in DC but it’s an 800 number so no blocking phone number so no can do.

  6. 6.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    April 27, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    @Warren Terra: Never see you on here anymore. Becoming a BJ regular again?

  7. 7.

    TenguPhule

    April 27, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    @Warren Terra:

    so why not accomplish two tasks at once and call the VOICE hotline with a stirring rendition of Purple People Eater?

    That is sheer genius. I doff my cap to you.

  8. 8.

    Jerry

    April 27, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    …Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims…

    Wait…what? How? How is flooding the phone line of a cheap political stunt obstructing and doing harm to crime victims?

  9. 9.

    Spanky

    April 27, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Also, I found it impossible to read any way but “despicable” as “dethpicable” in Daffy Duck’s voice.

    Seems fitting.

  10. 10.

    amk

    April 27, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Have the ice folks got their brown uniforms yet?

  11. 11.

    divF

    April 27, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    This brings to mind the Firesign Theater’s riff on a classic public service announcment from the 60’s:

    Aliens! Every year at this time the National Space Administration requires all aliens to register. Forms are available at your local post office. Those without forms must appear, however briefly, at the administration’s astral offices on Nooker Street. Aliens! Register now!

  12. 12.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    April 27, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    @Warren Terra: Why not “ATLiens?” Double points if you can get a friend to imitate the Chamber Brothers-sampling instrumental (bass and chorus vocals) in the background.

  13. 13.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Fuck you, Nazi scum.

    The canonical version is Nazi Punks, Fuck Off!.

  14. 14.

    Baud

    April 27, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse

    So was “Lock Her Up!”

    Deal with it.

  15. 15.

    rm

    April 27, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    I want to report an invasion of millions of illegals, just pouring over the borders, using biological warfare and terrorism to kill millions of Americans, and they belong to no recognized Native American tribe. Horrible! This should be the next wave of calls to the Nazi Hotline.

  16. 16.

    Lapassionara

    April 27, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    @divF: And so the idea for Men in Black came to be.

  17. 17.

    Mnemosyne

    April 27, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    @Jerry:

    Apparently they’re expecting people to call this phone line instead of 911 if they’re the victim of a crime?

    Yesterday, we were speculating about having some of the resident playwrights help create some little scripts to call with. The trick is to make them sound plausible for the first 5 minutes or so and then slowly bring in the weird.

  18. 18.

    Mnemosyne

    April 27, 2017 at 9:45 pm

    Another possible tack — call to complain that you were the victim of a crime committed by a white American, and when they say they can’t help, ask them why they’re prioritizing illegals over Americans. I thought they cared about helping crime victims, not just about illegals!

    And so on.

  19. 19.

    Mike in NC

    April 27, 2017 at 9:45 pm

    So no hotline to report the unlawful activities of the Trump Crime Family?

  20. 20.

    Mike J

    April 27, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Apparently they’re expecting people to call this phone line instead of 911 if they’re the victim of a crime?

    0118 999 881 999 119 7253

  21. 21.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    @Warren Terra: Never see you on here anymore. Becoming a BJ regular again?

    Perhaps he is inspired by the many new posters on the earlier thread! It’s great to have all this new blood, but i can’t figure out why all those newbies are pro-Wilmer and anti-Democrats. So odd….

  22. 22.

    But her emails!!!

    April 27, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    How are we supposed to tell whether the people who victimized us are citizens?

  23. 23.

    jl

    April 27, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    I was not seeking attention of any kind. Only wanted to alert the authorities to a couple of BJ commenters who are clearly not of this earth.

  24. 24.

    The Pale Scot

    April 27, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    @Mike J:
    0118 999 881 999 119 7253

    Brilliant

  25. 25.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Love Dead Kennedys

  26. 26.

    J R in WV

    April 27, 2017 at 9:51 pm

    Border Patrol wears green, it’s been a while since I was in border country, and I avoid the checkpoints, which is so easy it makes you wonder why they have immobile checkpoints at all.

    Drove into the Sulfur Springs Valley late one night, lots of blue lights around the bar/restaurant we were headed to, mostly Border Patrol. We drove along past the blue lights, then turned a 180 onto the frontage road (all these roads were 2 lane at best) and back to the bar, for dinner. We had 2,000 miles in 4 days down, and I didn’t have anything to cook at the house. The town has 20 businesses, surrounded by fields of nothing.

    Stories in the bar were all over the place, not consistent. Illegals running through the fields, trunk of the car full on bricks of money, multiple murders, half-a-dozen arrested. There were enough police cars for any of them to be true. We ate dinner, just as we were done the owner showed up, wanted to close up NOW, we said let us finish what we’re gonna pay for, took out time.

    Next day it was as if nothing had happened… so I guess the lights were, really, nothing. Border country can be odd. The Border Patrol uniforms are very like those of the WV state troopers.

  27. 27.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 9:52 pm

    this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse

    Pot meet kettle, you sanctimonious hypocrite

  28. 28.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    @But her emails!!!: Ask for their long form birth certificates. “Excuse me, gentlemen, after you finish beating me to a pulp and stealing my wallet, could you please give me a copy of your birth certific… Ow! Fuck! Ow!”

  29. 29.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    April 27, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    I thought there was already a Victims of Immigrant Engagement Crime hotline, for people who got engaged to email scammers. Oh I guess that’s VOIEC.

  30. 30.

    schrodingers_cat

    April 27, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    I am glad you guys are finding this funny because going after the undocumented, so called illegal aliens is just the beginning. T’s Justice department wants to be able to revoke citizenship of naturalized citizens. Check out the case being argued in the Supreme Court.

  31. 31.

    Feebog

    April 27, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    Can I report the tall, shambling alien I saw on TV today. He was tinted orange, had what looked like a dead golden retriever on his head, and tiny, tiny hands. Disgusting.

  32. 32.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 9:58 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: We take it very seriously, but by pranking the VOICE hotline, it is being shown to be the joke that it is.

  33. 33.

    different-church-lady

    April 27, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Fuck you, Nazi scum.

    Please add this to the rotating tag lines. Thank you in advance.

  34. 34.

    Gelfling 545

    April 27, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    @Jerry: Couldn’t they just call 911 like regular folks?

  35. 35.

    Mike J

    April 27, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    @The Pale Scot: Been watching Travel Man lately, so IT Crowd was near to mind.

  36. 36.

    danielx

    April 27, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    Am I correct in assuming ICE claims jurisdiction anywhere in the US where alleged illegal immigrants may be?

  37. 37.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    April 27, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    @Goku: No kidding. Hello, I’d like to report a crime, the administration is using government resources to engage in stunts to spread political propaganda about high crime rates among immigrants when the opposite is true. Not to mention you know, what schrodingers_cat said.

  38. 38.

    different-church-lady

    April 27, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    @Baud:

    this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse

    So was “Lock Her Up!”

    Deal with it Bring it, Motherfucker.

  39. 39.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: Btw, what case is this?

  40. 40.

    Mike J

    April 27, 2017 at 10:04 pm

    @J R in WV:

    Border Patrol wears green, it’s been a while since I was in border country, and I avoid the checkpoints, which is so easy it makes you wonder why they have immobile checkpoints at all.

    The millennium bomb plotter was caught because even though the Port Angeles, WA customs check point was only open every other day, he came through on one of the days it was open.

    Also, he didn’t fly a yellow Q flag.

  41. 41.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    April 27, 2017 at 10:05 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: He’s an LGM regular now, but I recall him frequenting this site most of the time before last year.

  42. 42.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    April 27, 2017 at 10:06 pm

    Schrodinger’s cat is actually here both legally and illegally, until the moment they open the wallet and look at the ID.

  43. 43.

    Mike J

    April 27, 2017 at 10:06 pm

    @Goku: Maslenjak.

  44. 44.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): I remember him. I’m taking a shot at the newbies who are obvious trolls.

  45. 45.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Don’t joke about that dude. Seriously, not funny given the subject

  46. 46.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    April 27, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    @Goku: Huh? So you’re taking turns defending having a sense of humor about this and scolding about it?

    Oy.

    For the record I agree with the version of you who posted the comment about taking it seriously while being able to make fun of it, but not so much this other version.

  47. 47.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    April 27, 2017 at 10:11 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: Well I only became an active commenter here around September.

  48. 48.

    Kropadope

    April 27, 2017 at 10:12 pm

    this group’sThe VOICE line is a cheap publicity stunt and is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse.

    Fixded. Emphasis mine.

    Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims America’s system and traditions of justice; that’s objectively despicable regardless of one’s views on immigration policy.

    Also, too

  49. 49.

    randy khan

    April 27, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I don’t find the VOICE line funny, but I am entirely in favor of making it useless by pranking it. It’s part of a fine tradition, dating back to the ’60s at least.

  50. 50.

    cain

    April 27, 2017 at 10:14 pm

    @danielx:

    Am I correct in assuming ICE claims jurisdiction anywhere in the US where alleged illegal immigrants may be?

    Plot twist: Some of the ICE people are illegals.. NOBODY CAN BE TRUSTED

  51. 51.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    April 27, 2017 at 10:14 pm

    @Kropadope: “Fixded?”

  52. 52.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    @mai naem mobile:

    I really want to call about an orange haired alien living on Pennsylvania Ave in DC….

    …who has invaded and clouded the minds of 60 million+ gawd fearing white people.

  53. 53.

    schrodingers_cat

    April 27, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    @randy khan: That’s T’s go to tactic, when he is in a corner he reaches for xenophobia and bigotry.

  54. 54.

    But her emails!!!

    April 27, 2017 at 10:15 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Saw the case. Looks promising as even Roberts doesn’t seem to be buying the government’s crap.

    As for the joke shaming. Is there a group of people that draw lots for this sort of activity, or did you just feel the need to fill in for the troll that haunts the North Korea threads?

  55. 55.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    @But her emails!!!: Everyone has a subject that is too sensitive for humor.

  56. 56.

    schrodingers_cat

    April 27, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    @But her emails!!!: Why would you think I am trolling?I don’t find either VOICE or trolling of VOICE funny. I am alarmed at the rising xenophobia and bigotry.

  57. 57.

    Kropadope

    April 27, 2017 at 10:19 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Yesterday, we were speculating about having some of the resident playwrights help create some little scripts to call with. The trick is to make them sound plausible for the first 5 minutes or so and then slowly bring in the weird.

    Ok, I gotta appreciate this.

  58. 58.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): nothing wrong with being new. everything wrong with be a russian troll and/or wilmer-or-buster. thankfully, you are neither!

  59. 59.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: Do we really know that?

  60. 60.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    Issue: Whether the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit erred by holding, in direct conflict with the U.S. Courts of Appeals for the 1st, 4th, 7th and 9th Circuits, that a naturalized American citizen can be stripped of her citizenship in a criminal proceeding based on an immaterial false statement.

    Shit. That does sound serious. They could deport any naturalized citizen they catch in a lie under oath, right? Is that correct Lawyers of Balloon Juice?

  61. 61.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Yesterday, we were speculating about having some of the resident playwrights help create some little scripts to call with. The trick is to make them sound plausible for the first 5 minutes or so and then slowly bring in the weird.

    can we add a few songs? there’s this broadway show i’m obsessed with….

  62. 62.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:22 pm

    @Kropadope: So like Ron Paul?

  63. 63.

    Another Scott

    April 27, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    TheHill:

    “There is a chance that we could end up having a major, major conflict with North Korea. Absolutely,” Trump told Reuters.

    “We’d love to solve things diplomatically but it’s very difficult,” he added.

    As long as it’s not a Major Major Major Major conflict, then we should be Ok.

    Right?

    ;-)

    But Donnie said last year: “China can solve that problem with one meeting or one phone call.”.

    Donnie said Presidenting was easy?!?!

    (sigh)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  64. 64.

    Kropadope

    April 27, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): Yes, the first d is very important. I know it’s not part of the traditional spelling. But say it to yourself. Feel it. Fixded. Hopefully you will come to see.

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: Some people find dark humor helpful. You don’t, it seems. Okay, but don’t assume that jokes mean that people don’t take the underlying subject seriously.

    Edited.

  66. 66.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: i’m giving him the benefit of the doubt while my russian hackers complete a detailed background check

  67. 67.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: Libtard.

  68. 68.

    Keith P.

    April 27, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    Next, they should start reporting “illegal Allens”

  69. 69.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: That joke potentially crossed the line because you were talking specifically about a person being “illegal” and presumably being deported. I imagine it would be a source of anxiety for SC and that’s why I felt the joke was inappropriate
    IOW, it was too personal

  70. 70.

    But her emails!!!

    April 27, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I didn’t say you were trolling, I was only referencing the troll who repeatedly had to tell everyone how horrible they were for not taking war with North Korea seriously.

    I’m going to respond in the same manner. Joking about VOICE and making calls to VOICE about space aliens does not mean that people feel that this issue is not serious or that the xenophobia and bigotry it represents is funny.

  71. 71.

    slag

    April 27, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    To be fair, undocumented immigrants have a long history of criminality in the US. I heard about this one group of them who illegally dumped a bunch of tea into Boston Harbor. Hang ’em high, orange leader!

  72. 72.

    Kropadope

    April 27, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    @Goku: No, Ron Paul’s different because as far as anyone knows, he’s being serious. With Mnem and her friends, it’s an artful deception. With Ron Paul, it’s because he leads with his best, as one tends to do, and it’s not until the bulk of the picture is painted that the weird really comes into focus.

  73. 73.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: that what my sister calls me!

    And if I’m angry and/or drunk enough, I remind her of our relative academic and career accomplishments.

  74. 74.

    Lyrebird

    April 27, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    @Goku: Nicely put. I’d also file this under “gotta laugh because if we do nothing but cry we’re not gonna get very far” and “yay people who are less at risk are doing something useful to protect others!”

    And in emergency number humor,
    @Mike J: have you seen this one? In Geneva, they changed numbers or something and people kept dialing the fire dept for directory assistance. Made a video to try and clear things up. (should note that it’s in French.)

  75. 75.

    gene108

    April 27, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    What is the case?

    It is known, once they drive out the illegals, they will go after legal immigrants on visas, and then permanent residents, naturalized citizens and finally eliminate birth right citizenship.

    But shutting down the VOICE hotline with crank calls takes a tool they wanted to use to go after illegals and start the domino chain to abolishing birth right citizenship away from them.

  76. 76.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    @Bill E Pilgrim: I thought this was hilarious. Suck it, libtards!*

    *never mind that I am a libtard.

  77. 77.

    craigie

    April 27, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    The next President is going to have to resurrect the Allied Control Council and engage in denazification of these fucking brownshirts at ICE.

    Maybe, but since the next President is likely to be Ivanka, maybe not.

  78. 78.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: The case is resolving a conflict between Circuits. The 6th Circuit opinion is almost certain to be overturned.

  79. 79.

    Frankensteinbeck

    April 27, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    @Jerry:
    The racist assholes running this sincerely believe that they’re helping expose the evil criminality of ‘illegal’ immigrants, and that this is a major part of the effort to stop this rising wave of swarthy violence and chaos. Racists don’t just hate the Other, they believe all kinds of provably false shit.

  80. 80.

    mai naem mobile

    April 27, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    My sister knows a lady who is a clerical worker at her workplace who was a big Dolt 45 fan. My sister was friends with her on FB but didn’t discuss politics with her. Anyhoo, a few weeks ago, the lady has changed all her FB stuff to quite liberal stuff – Planned Parenthood, Save the National Parks and Save Meals on Wheels. My sister is curious as to what happened but she doesn’t want to get into politics at work. I wonder what the straw was that broke the camels back?

  81. 81.

    schrodingers_cat

    April 27, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    @gene108: All that’s well and good. We have the best jokes and snark but they are in charge. An unfunny situation to say the least.

  82. 82.

    M. Bouffant

    April 27, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    I called to crank the hotline today & it was too overwhelmed to take my call. Although (I KID YOU NOT!) there is a press 1 for English, oprima el dos para Español option before they tell you they’re too busy.

    I want to ask them when the “Report-a-Raghead” & “Turn-in-a-Jew/Atheist” lines start.

  83. 83.

    rikyrah

    April 27, 2017 at 10:49 pm

    Verbally incontinent man-child who thinks he’s moving toy soldiers around – description of Dolt45 on Larry O tonight

  84. 84.

    Another Scott

    April 27, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    WaPo:

    Despite pressure from the White House, House GOP leaders determined Thursday night that they don’t have the votes to pass a rewrite of the Affordable Care Act and will not seek to put their proposal on the floor on Friday.

    A late push to act on health care had threatened the bipartisan deal to keep the government open for one week while lawmakers crafted a longer-term spending deal. Now, lawmakers are likely to approve the spending bill when it comes to the floor Friday and keep the government open past midnight.

    The failure of GOP leaders to summon enough support for a renewed health-care push is evidence of just how difficult it is to overhaul Obamacare, despite seven years of GOP promises to repeal and replace the 2010 law. Conservatives and moderates have repeatedly clashed over what legislation should look like, most sharply over bringing down insurance premiums in exchange for sharply limiting what kind of coverage is required to be offered.

    Well done, callers! They haven’t beaten us yet thanks to you!!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  85. 85.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    If Birthright Citizen were repealed, what would replace it? What would citizenship be based upon? It couldn’t be race, right? That shit will not fly

  86. 86.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    @randy khan:

    I don’t find the VOICE line funny, but I am entirely in favor of making it useless by pranking it.

    The concept is about as funny as the Nazi and Soviet systems of everybody turn everybody else in.
    The response is hysterical.
    Like similar responses to on line petitions and polls that the Peach Pustule’s minions have put on line.
    What the fuck did they think was gonna’ happen?
    Oh, wait. Like their boss, they don’t do “think.”

    Fuckem

  87. 87.

    schrodingers_cat

    April 27, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    BTW let me just clarify I am all for people using humor and making crank calls to the hotline. I am not in that place myself. That’s all. So carry on.

  88. 88.

    Another Scott

    April 27, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    @mai naem mobile: Interesting, and good news.

    It could have been almost anything. Donnie broke 64 promises in his first month.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  89. 89.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: I am horrified by this new world. I side-eye my fellow white people even though I live in a city that went over 70% for Clinton. OTOH, mockery is a defense and a weapon. I reserve the right to use it as I feel necessary. You can continue to disagree. I respect that.

  90. 90.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    @Another Scott:

    fascists and cryptofascists have repeatedly clashed over what legislation should look like, most sharply over bringing down insurance premiums in exchange for sharply limiting what kind of coverage is required to be offered.

    Fixed!

    Awesome news!

  91. 91.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    @Goku: It can’t be “repealed.”

  92. 92.

    M. Bouffant

    April 27, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    @mai naem mobile: Possibly that Trump never campaigned on (or, actually, against,) those issues. She may have been taken aback once reality hit her in the face.

    Also: This country is in sad shape when Planned Parenthood (other than the anti-abortion/contraception maniacs opposed to it, therefore making it “liberal”) Saving Our National Parks & Meals on Wheels are considered “liberal”. Well, common sense is “liberal”.

  93. 93.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 11:02 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: whoops. I guess they would rather jus sanguinis would be the standard for birthright citizenship

  94. 94.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    @Goku:

    a naturalized American citizen can be stripped of her citizenship in a criminal proceeding based on an immaterial false statement.

    I’m pretty sure (without looking) that said false statement occurred somewhere in the applying for naturalized citizen process, not, for instance, for lying on a mortgage application, or telling the traffic court you were only doing 54 mph.

  95. 95.

    lamh36

    April 27, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    This is a real tweet from KKKLannity…I refuse to link to him…instead I linked to my reaction…

    @seanhannity
    [email protected]: “[@POTUS] has done more than any president…certainly in the last half century, in the first 98 days of his presidency.”

  96. 96.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: I have said this before, but I will do it again. Are you okay? I like you, and I want you to be well. Do you need to talk to someone? A friend? A pro? You do worry me.

  97. 97.

    randy khan

    April 27, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I get that. Sorry (actually sorry) if I annoyed you with my response.

  98. 98.

    Kropadope

    April 27, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: The Constitution could be reamended. That seems like a big lift, though.

  99. 99.

    seaboogie

    April 27, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    @Steve in the ATL:

    but i can’t figure out why all those newbies are pro-Wilmer and anti-Democrats.

    Perhaps you or someone else could explain the *Wilmer* references I keep seeing – the meaning eludes me, and Google doesn’t help – I just get info on the gent who was on “That 70’s Show”. Thanks.

    ETA – I get that the reference is to Sanders, but not why this moniker.

  100. 100.

    raven

    April 27, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    @Kropadope: More likely reamed. Good night.

  101. 101.

    lamh36

    April 27, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    @lamh36: My reaction : https://media.giphy.com/media/l3E6uhDAN3W7vylji/giphy.gif

  102. 102.

    lamh36

    April 27, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    @politico
    #BREAKING: House delays Obamacare vote, denying Trump 100-day win http://politi.co/2oRsEof

  103. 103.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    @Goku: birthright citizenship is granted by the Constitution and thus would require a constitutional amendment to change. That ain’t gonna happen!

  104. 104.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    Racists don’t just hate the Other, they believe all kinds of provably false shit.

    And the fewer of “the other” they know in their own lives, the more racist they are.
    If all they know is LeBron James, Denzel Wahington and a gauzy portrait of MLK, the WWC is scared shitless of black people.

  105. 105.

    Mnemosyne

    April 27, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    @But her emails!!!:

    How are we supposed to tell whether the people who victimized us are citizens?

    We can’t. That’s why we should report all crimes to this hotline and let them figure out the immigration status of the criminals. That’s what they set it up for, right?

  106. 106.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    @seaboogie: no idea why the name Wilmer was chosen; I wasn’t around the night it happened. It’s useful, though, as it really does reduce the incidence of trolls.

  107. 107.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    @Goku: Ignore this statement.

    If enough state house were under GOP control, then the 14th amendment could be amended at least

  108. 108.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: Krope posits that it could be “reamended.”

  109. 109.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: If enough state house were under GOP control, then the 14th amendment could be amended at least

  110. 110.

    M. Bouffant

    April 27, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: I’m sure a law redefining Americans as only those who are descended from, say, two generations of U.S.-born citizens can be passed w/o interfering w/ that pesky 14th Amendment, as long as there are enough scared assholes on the Supreme Court.

  111. 111.

    seaboogie

    April 27, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    I love all the projection on this – from folks who are in fact doing something mean and despicable calling out the zestfully imaginative ones who treat it with all the seriousness it deserves. The humor on the right seems to be universally mean-spirited and vicious, while the left can get wonderfully and subversively clever, irreverant and silly. Good on us!

  112. 112.

    Mnemosyne

    April 27, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Also, pranking the hotline and clogging it up with useless calls wastes their time and makes it harder for them to persecute people.

    Doing it in a funny way is just a bonus.

  113. 113.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 27, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: are you sure? the post i saw was all about pie….

  114. 114.

    M. Bouffant

    April 27, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    @efgoldman: Yep, zackly.

  115. 115.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    @M. Bouffant: Nope.

  116. 116.

    Percysowner

    April 27, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    @efgoldman: Nope! Supreme Court Justice Roberts asked ”

    “Some time ago, outside the statute of limitations, I drove 60 miles an hour in a 55-mile-an-hour zone,” the chief justice said, adding that he had not been caught.

    The form that people seeking American citizenship must complete, he added, asks whether the applicant had ever committed a criminal offense, however minor, even if there was no arrest.

    “If I answer that question no, 20 years after I was naturalized as a citizen, you can knock on my door and say, ‘Guess what, you’re not an American citizen after all’?” Chief Justice Roberts asked.

    Robert A. Parker, a Justice Department lawyer, said the offense had to be disclosed. Chief Justice Roberts seemed shocked. “Oh, come on,” he said.

    They are literally looking for ANY way to void citizenship of naturalized citizens to the point where frickin Justice Roberts thinks it’s ridiculous.

  117. 117.

    Another Scott

    April 27, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    @seaboogie: The Origin of Wilmer Thread.

    (He’s a character in the Maltese Falcon. A different name was picked to try to avoid trolls who apparently have a “Google Alert” set up.)

    HTH.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  118. 118.

    Felonius Monk

    April 27, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    @rikyrah:

    Verbally incontinent man-child who thinks he’s moving toy soldiers around

    I was watching that — LMAO! Rick Wilson can really get going sometimes.

  119. 119.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 11:25 pm

    @Goku:

    If enough state house were under GOP control, then the 14th amendment could be amended at least

    2/3 of each house being in favor before it even goes to the states? Nope.

  120. 120.

    Omnes Omnibus

    April 27, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    @Percysowner: The majority of Circuits that have addressed the issue have made sense, Odds are the that the Court will do the same.

  121. 121.

    Barbara

    April 27, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    @efgoldman: In the case argued before the Court I think the appellant lied about facts that were pertinent to her husband’s potential asylum status. Hence, they were immaterial to her own status.

  122. 122.

    M. Bouffant

    April 27, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    @Percysowner: Speeding, per se, isn’t a criminal offense. (Otherwise every speeder would be arrested & marched off to jail instead of getting a ticket.) As long as you pay the ticket or show up in court to contest it (& pay then if you lose) it doesn’t go on any “permanent record”, just your DMV record. Which it eventually falls off.

    Doesn’t say much for Justice Roberts’ legal acuity, does it?

  123. 123.

    Goku

    April 27, 2017 at 11:42 pm

    @M. Bouffant: All that matters is that Roberts is on some level appalled by the idea of stripping legal immigrants of citizenship for lying on a form from several years prior. It helps that immigrants as a group commit less crimes than native born Americans do

  124. 124.

    seaboogie

    April 27, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    @Another Scott: Thanks for letting me into the club. Pretty genius idea – hope I didn’t scotch it with that other name in my request for info. Also like your new nym – how did you come up with that? (I keed, I keed….)

  125. 125.

    Mike Toreno

    April 27, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    What you want to do is, call out a recognized space alien ethnicity (Daxonite, White Martian, Green Martian, whatever), and say they live across the street from you and they pushed their trash bin out to the curb 2 days ago and it got picked up yesterday morning and they haven’t pushed it back yet.

  126. 126.

    Mnemosyne

    April 27, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    @M. Bouffant:

    I have a vague memory that there was a case where the US was trying to deport someone because he had speeding tickets, but I’m too lazy to Google it.

  127. 127.

    BBA

    April 27, 2017 at 11:47 pm

    @danielx: 8 USC 1357 gives them the power of arrest anywhere, but the power to make warrantless searches only “within a reasonable distance” of the border.

  128. 128.

    Mnemosyne

    April 27, 2017 at 11:49 pm

    @BBA:

    Didn’t they recently try to claim that all airports count as part of the US border, so they should be allowed to patrol nearby?

    I assume that’s because they’re sick of having to drive around in the desert and want closer places to buy donuts from.

  129. 129.

    Warren Terra

    April 27, 2017 at 11:49 pm

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): I don’t get into the Balloon Juice comments so much these days; I still read the posts, but often only once a day. I’ve found I greatly prefer threaded comments, and between LGM and Twitter (and real life) haven’t been in here so much.

  130. 130.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 11:51 pm

    @BBA:

    but the power to make warrantless searches only “within a reasonable distance” of the border.

    Hey 1500 miles is “reasonable”, innit?

  131. 131.

    Percysowner

    April 27, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    @M. Bouffant: Justice Roberts was positing a totally ridiculous scenario and the person defending the removal of citizenship took it and ran with it saying that Yes indeed, not disclosing speeding would permit the government to revoke citizenship. I may not like the way Justice Roberts rules most of the time, but in this case the point was made and the complete batshittery of the side advocating denaturalization was fully on display.

  132. 132.

    efgoldman

    April 27, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    @Warren Terra:

    between LGM and Twitter (and real life) haven’t been in here so much.

    Who authorized you to have a “real life”? I want the names and signed, notarized forms, no photocopies.

  133. 133.

    Thru the Looking Glass...

    April 27, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    Perhaps we need a special hotline…

    SHIT – Special Hotline (for) Intel (on) Trump?

  134. 134.

    Steve in the ATL

    April 28, 2017 at 12:07 am

    @Warren Terra:

    I’ve found I greatly prefer threaded comments

    You are dead to me. Good day, sir!

  135. 135.

    M. Bouffant

    April 28, 2017 at 12:07 am

    @Thru the Looking Glass…: Maybe Trump needs some Special High-Intensity Training, since he’s learning on the job.

  136. 136.

    Thru the Looking Glass...

    April 28, 2017 at 12:12 am

    @M. Bouffant: Indeed…

    Who can we get to lead the training?

  137. 137.

    Raoul

    April 28, 2017 at 12:12 am

    I have reason to believe Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me may have a moment or two this weekend about ‘VOICE’ prankers.

    And how could the Trump admin not have expected this pranking? Oh, right, they’re idiots (and idiot nazis).

  138. 138.

    Beautifulplummage

    April 28, 2017 at 12:13 am

    @Thru the Looking Glass…: and the # is just 1 digit off from the “ET” one.

  139. 139.

    burnspbesq

    April 28, 2017 at 12:18 am

    @schrodingers_cat:

    http://www.scotusblog.com/2017/04/argument-analysis-concerns-prosecutorial-discretion-likely-lead-ruling-bosnian-serb-immigration-case/

  140. 140.

    Tenar Arha

    April 28, 2017 at 12:18 am

    @Mnemosyne: I was going to say some short flyweight Irish punk in Brooklyn fought me in an alleyway in 1941, breaking my nose with a trash can lid, but yours works too. ;)

  141. 141.

    seaboogie

    April 28, 2017 at 12:37 am

    @Mike Toreno: Thank you – I did indeed laugh – out loud!

  142. 142.

    Thru the Looking Glass...

    April 28, 2017 at 12:37 am

    @Beautifulplummage: Or perhaps somehow has ‘666’ worked into…

  143. 143.

    Mike G

    April 28, 2017 at 12:40 am

    Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement (VOICE)

    The same acronym could stand for Victims Of Immigration and Customs Enforcement

  144. 144.

    sukabi

    April 28, 2017 at 12:52 am

    @Gelfling 545: the line isn’t for reporting a crime, it’s so the victims have a way of tracking the whereabouts of the person who victimized them…and their families….but mostly it’s for gathering propaganda material to further scare the whites and justify their anti immigrant policies.

  145. 145.

    nightranger

    April 28, 2017 at 1:32 am

    @But her emails!!!: Always happy to hear from my fans.

    Meanwhile, what’s his face, Maskirovka slips bans the handle and IP and leaves some hilarious comment sounding like he thnks he is accomplishing something. Apparently he knows about as much about WordPress as he does about international espionage or anything else.

    Also to the know nothing morons who comment about my ‘tell’. I say whatever I want whenever I want however I want. I am not trying to hide anything. But thanks for the laugh like you think you are some sort of expert at spotting a posters ‘tell’…lol. My Dog some of you people are seriously thick.

    See you soon with another handle and another IP. I’ve got an endless supply. Apparently Mr. Maskirovka slips has no clue how any of that works. I am happy to continue to waste his time on his little jihad against me because I called him out on his BS.

  146. 146.

    Chet Murthy

    April 28, 2017 at 1:35 am

    @schrodingers_cat: s_c, I appreciate how you might be feeling right now. For myself, I just don’t want to leave my safe little city here in CA. I clutch the Castro around me like a safety blanket. I view every immigrant I meet, esp. those (like yesterday in Chinatown) who can’t speak English so well, as a fellow defender. These are difficult times.

    But Vaclav Havel (I think) once pointed out that the way a tyrant is finally defeated, is that people stop taking his utterances and dictates seriously. The day comes,and a shopkeeper puts a sign in his window deriding the tyrant, and nothing happens to that shopkeeper. And every person who walks by the shop, knows that the tyrant is toothless. B/c if he wasn’t, that shopkeeper would be hanging by his thumbs in some gulag. And voila! the tyranny ends. Yea, that’s a little utopian. But the POINT of laughing and LAUGHING PUBLICLY and with great derision, is to show EVERYBODY that the tyrant isn’t being taken seriously. It allows everybody to know that they’re not alone. And when enough people start to laugh at the tyrant, …. he’s done.

    There’s a reason that the Egyptian Jon Stewart (Bassem Youssef?) got persecuted by the Sisi regime. Tyrants all know the can’t allow themselves to be made to look ridiculous.

    So please, don’t think that when people laugh at Lord Smallgloves., they’re making light of the situatoin. Quite to the contrary, they’re taking it VERY, VERY seriously. They’re laughing at it, b/c it’s too important for tears. Tears aren’t enough. Tears will convince nobody.

    ETA: this is why I think that EVERY late-night comic that viciously attacks (with jokes!) Lord Dampnut should get a medal. When Colbert just -laces- -into- Smallgloves, he’s doing us all a solid. Every day that he can do that, and still show up on TV the next night, is as much as advertising that we still live in a democracy.

  147. 147.

    Chet Murthy

    April 28, 2017 at 1:46 am

    @efgoldman: An Article V convention requires 2/3 of state leges

    I emember reading that this is part of why state lege elections are so critical right now (not that they shouldn’t be important already, but) — if the Rs can get enough state houses, they can a convention, and then …. well, all hell breaks loose . If they control 3/4 of state houses, they can pass any amendments they want.

  148. 148.

    Thru the Looking Glass...

    April 28, 2017 at 2:07 am

    @Chet Murthy: Yup…

    I can’t imagine they’re NOT aiming for that…

  149. 149.

    Steeplejack

    April 28, 2017 at 2:58 am

    @Another Scott:

    The use of Wilmer here as an anti-troll measure has no demonstrable connection with the character in The Maltese Falcon. That suggestion was made only by one of the trolls. It might just as easily refer to Wilmer Valderrama from That ’70s Show (and now NCIS). Or it could just be a funny name.

  150. 150.

    qwerty42

    April 28, 2017 at 3:57 am

    hahahahaha
    I appreciate that many (most?) don’t swallow this hokum. But for the ones who do … Geeze, life in the 21st Century must be a hell … not like the wonderful days of the 50’s and 60’s, when we had Ike and JFK. And they were f*ing CHILDREN! Because we also had Korea (still?), Suez, Hungary, and that little thing most in the US are unaware of: ” the overthrow of the democratically elected Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddegh” by the CIA and British Intelligence. And Brown v Board of Education. What next? Viet Nam, Cambodia, “Bring the war home” and all.

    And now they’re a-skeer’d of then furriners?

    I certainly don’t agree with him politically, but Tom Nichols spent a lot of yesterday with TrumpCult

    And we are not even 100 days in …

  151. 151.

    NobodySpecial

    April 28, 2017 at 5:31 am

    @nightranger: Claiming not to care while radiating enough butthurt to be seen from space? Claiming to be a free speaker when you keep changing your name and IP? Whatevs, dude. Enjoy Vladdy Daddy’s nickels.

  152. 152.

    Lurking Canadian

    April 28, 2017 at 7:34 am

    @M. Bouffant: You aren’t thinking big enough. The 14th is written in the present tense. Clearly The Framers intended to grant citizenship only to born Americans who were alive at the time it was written.

  153. 153.

    nightranger

    April 28, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    @NobodySpecial: ??? I would be happy to keep my handle and IP since day 1 and never change it. That has never been my choice. Apparently you lack any understanding whatsoever of how it works. How old are you to be using words like “butthurt”?

    Hey Mr. Maskirovka slips. How come this handle and IP is still working? Get off your a s s and ban it already. That’s an order. I am anxious to move on to the next one.

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