Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Today’s gop: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

In after Baud. Damn.

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

All hail the time of the bunny!

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, door #2)

Celebrate the fucking wins.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the gop

People are weird.

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

If you don’t believe freedom is for everybody, then the thing you love isn’t freedom, it is privilege.

Republicans in disarray!

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

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Reader Interactions

136Comments

  3. 3.

    Nelle

    Neither is “you look okay.” And then argue that “okay” is a perfectly acceptable word.

  6. 6.

    PaulB

    Better start thinking of what to say when she asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

  7. 7.

    Steve in the ATL

    You’re going to parties now? Black is white, up is down, cats and dogs, etc.

  8. 8.

    Yarrow

    @Steve in the ATL: Was thinking the same thing. A party? With a date? I’ve looked outside the window and I don’t see pigs flying, so not sure what to make of all this.

  9. 9.

    Mnemosyne

    When I try on an outfit and G doesn’t think it looks good, his response is, “It’s not your most flattering look.”

    This, boys and girls, is why we’ve been together for 16 years and married for 10 (17 and 11 in July).

  10. 10.

    mai naem mobile

    Dude, we are not taking back Curmudgeony Cole so you better step up your flattery game.

  11. 11.

    donnah

    “You look amazing!” followed by, “But then, you always look amazing to me”.

    jeez, it’s not that hard.

  13. 13.

    Mnemosyne

    @PaulB:

    Another reason we’ve been successfully married for a while now is that I’ve learned to ask, “I’m not sure about this dress, what do you think?” if I think something makes me look fat.

    It’s all about compromise. ?

  15. 15.

    Raven

    Did you know that when your wife wants to “show you something I was thinking about buying ” at an antique store she is NOT asking for your opinion???

  17. 17.

    Mnemosyne

    Also, Cole, I hope you realize that the reason you got in trouble here is that “that’ll do” is what the farmer says to his pig in Babe.

  19. 19.

    Yellowdog

    Now we’re getting relationship advice from Cole? What’s next? Car maintenance tips?

  22. 22.

    Joyce H

    But there’s a fine line – if you reply with too much flattery, you start sounding surprised, which has the implication that the questioner is usually such an all-around mess that it’s astonishing they can clean up so nice.

    “Wow, you look beautiful today!” “Oh, so I usually don’t look beautiful? You’re saying I’m homely?”

    BTW, I learned a great new word yesterday. – “antwacky”. Means old-fashioned or non-stylish. I’m going to start using it. Probably mainly referring to myself; I’m the most antwacky person I know.

  23. 23.

    Gemina13

    I’m a woman who’s asked the question, “How do I look?” to my SO, and here’s what I’m looking for.

    1) If I look good, smile and say so. Just show me you actually took a look at me in what I’m wearing and thought about my appearance.

    2) If it’s not good, say so too. Don’t pussyfoot, FFS. Just say, “That doesn’t look so good.” I know a lot of women get upset because they’ve put time and effort into putting themselves together. But if I trust you enough to ask for your opinion, I’m not looking for flattery.

    3) But the best thing of all is, if you really like or don’t like something I’m wearing, TELL ME WHY. It all goes back to showing you’re paying attention. If you think I look great in purple or blue, that V-necks are hot on me, that I look like a goddess in a dress, or that orange makes me look like I’m dying of consumption, please say so.

    The only thing I agree on is, don’t bring up weight. It’s loaded for women. We’re bombarded all fucking day long with messages about how we have to be skinny and yet love ourselves, and many of us are finally fed up with that bullshit. So when someone says, “You look fat in (whatever),” our response will likely be one or a combination of the following: (1) to think you’re insulting us and aren’t happy with how we look in general, or (2) tell you to go fuck yourselves and not ask for your opinions on what we’re wearing again.

  24. 24.

    efgoldman

    @Mnemosyne:

    This, boys and girls, is why we’ve been together for 16 years and married for 10

    Hah! 40, at the end of August. She knows better than to ask, I know better than to comment.
    I will give a direct answer when she’s trying something on, like “too long” or “too short” or “does it hang straight…”

  27. 27.

    efgoldman

    @Raven:

    Did you know that when your wife wants to “show you something I was thinking about buying ” at an antique store she is NOT asking for your opinion???

    Funny. mrs efg got from her mother the mindset that we’re still in the middle of the depression and we’re gonna’ be living in a cardboard box by the end of the year. (We’re not). I have to yell at her to spend money.

  28. 28.

    efgoldman

    @Yarrow:

    Discussion of best mopping techniques?

    Adam apparently is emulating John. He steam-mopped his toes last night.

  29. 29.

    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho

    Christ. You do understand that it sounds eerily like “that’ll do pig” from “Babe” don’t you? Which was a compliment in that context.

    It’s actually worse than “I miss Lily” I think. Learning curves are hard, but you’re making the effort.

  32. 32.

    Lurking Canadian

    @Mnemosyne: That’s my preferred strategy. Doesn’t look good? Must be something wrong with the dress

    Doesn’t suit her coloring, not cut properly through the midsection…seamstress or designer must have done something wrong.

  38. 38.

    hovercraft

    I thought that all grown men had received the memo that this is a trick question. There is no correct answer to the how do I look, does this make me look fat, question. If it looks good or great, then it’s easy, if not, DO.NOT.SAY.IT.LOOKS.BAD. draw her attention to some other outfit you know she looks great in and tell her how much you love that one and how great she looks when she wears that one. If pushed, just say that you really wish she’s wear the other outfit, she’ll get the message without you ending up in the dog house.
    YEESH, you really do need us!
    And when you consider the wild pack of animals who infest this top 10,000 blog, that’s a scary thing, poor ABC, what has she gotten herself into.

  39. 39.

    Wapiti

    @efgoldman:

    Funny. mrs efg got from her mother the mindset that we’re still in the middle of the depression and we’re gonna’ be living in a cardboard box by the end of the year. (We’re not). I have to yell at her to spend money.

    When my wife suggested that we might be living in a cardboard box in the near future, I suggested that we buy a new refrigerator and save the box. Roomy!

  40. 40.

    Elizabelle

    @Mnemosyne: Yeah. Laughing, because it’s straight out of “Babe”, and with two youngsters, ABC has probably seen that a few times.

    I love Babe.

  41. 41.

    wmd

    “That’ll do” is about the same as “it’s fine”. Both are light years ahead of a sarcastic, “really? you’re wearing that?” unless that’s how you’ve been rolling all along.

  42. 42.

    Joshua Norton

    “I’ve seen worse”.

    Also, too, throw in “I’ve always liked that on you!” She’ll change so many times you may never get out of the house.

  43. 43.

    efgoldman

    @Wapiti:

    I suggested that we buy a new refrigerator and save the box. Roomy!

    Different spouses tolerate different levels of sarcasm. I’m pretty lucky that way.

    ETA: When our daughter was little, we found that you could make a great playhouse with a refrigerator box. Sharpies and an X-cacto knife.

  45. 45.

    MomSense

    Who are you and what have you done with John Cole?

    Going out to an afternoon party with a woman?

    Couldn’t you at least drop us a few F bombs or say something cranky at the end of this post for good measure? Some of us can’t handle this much change.

    ETA Was this a dress up party? I know ABC wouldn’t let you leave the house in overalls so now we have to know what you wore.

  46. 46.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Elizabelle:

    I love Babe.

    Me too. And my sister does the best Babe voice imitation I’ve ever heard — especially singing “La la la” (“Jingle Bells”). Cracks me up every time!

  47. 47.

    efgoldman

    @jeffreyw:

    We she gets back from the hair salon never say “couldn’t get in, eh?”

    Or “are you sure that’s your color?”

  48. 48.

    Ruckus

    @hovercraft:
    You do realize that a lot of men have no clue what looks good until they see it and that the corollary, they don’t know what looks horrible until they see it…… I’ve also seen women who must have this same gene. It is possible that the gene also is tied to the speech reflex.
    And it isn’t something they can develop, they just really are just clueless about this.

  51. 51.

    TooManyJens

    When I ask my husband how I look in something, I actually do want to know. Granted, I usually only ask if I already suspect that it’s not flattering.

  52. 52.

    HRA

    John, most of all you have to give that loving look in your eyes. Then you only use one word as for an example “beautiful”,
    ‘stunning” , etc.

  53. 53.

    Wayne

    @jeffreyw:
    Many years ago my wife got home from the hair dresser having cut her hair real short.
    I stared at her at the door and said “Don’t ever do that again”.
    And she didn’t. Still married after 40 years.

  56. 56.

    Louise B.

    Your answer was definitely suboptimal, John, but I think ABC’s question was, too. Maybe you are both out of practice with this stuff. When my SO and I first got together (going on 22 years ago now), he explained to me that the only right answer to the question, “does this make me look fat” is “no.” This surprised me, because I assumed that he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t like the way I looked, and I don’t generally ask questions unless I want honest answers. So I started asking him specific questions, like “is this dress too tight” or “is this dress too formal” or “which of these three dresses do you like the best?” He can answer those honestly without offending me. If I had to guess, I think the subtext behind ABC’s question was, “does this outfit have the right degree of formality or casual?” If that’s true, she should have asked you that, rather than putting you in the “only one right answer” position.

  57. 57.

    Ruckus

    @Wayne:
    My ex had hair down to her butt and it looked great. But washing and drying it took 2 hrs and she got tired of it. So she had about 2 feet of it cut off. She met me at the door and asked me not to get mad, before she showed me the results. Told her it looked great, (which it did) it’s her hair and she could do what she wanted with it. I try very hard not to be judgemental about people’s looks or clothing, in most cases there is little they can do about it other than not make it worse.

  59. 59.

    efgoldman

    @Louise B.:

    she should have asked you that, rather than putting you in the “only one right answer” position.

    Yeah, but that wouldn’t have led to a fun Saturday afternoon non-political thread.

  60. 60.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    “You look great” works for me. But pro tip: make sure you actually looked at her before saying that.

  61. 61.

    Bostonian

    HRA has it down cold. One word, fewer opportunities for error. “Lovely.”

    you don’t like it, say “What are you going to wear it with?”

  63. 63.

    Villago Delenda Est

    John, you do realize that inevitably you’re going to get the “Do I look fat in this?” question and there is no correct response other than “You look fabulous ALL THE TIME IN ANYTHING AND NOTHING!”

  65. 65.

    Victor Matheson

    I am just glad I am not the only one who immediately thought, “That’ll do, pig.”

  66. 66.

    LurkerNoLonger

    When asked by a woman how an outfit looks for an afternoon party

    The answer is, always, “I’m blind.”

  68. 68.

    cain

    I usually give feedback like an engineer. “It’s not bad, but this has this problem, that has that problem.. and I’m not liking this other thing” I don’t date girls that ask me “do I look fat in this?”. My (soon to be ex) wife doesn’t really like to shop, and never asks me for my opinion anyways. She just does it. She recently came home (she’s been staying with her boyfriend, and typing that is also weird) and she had done some wierd blonde hightlight thing.. I was like “uh.. it looks awful, please don’t ever do that again. “. I’t always amusing that whenever we get back together we fall into familiar argumentative patterns. :-)

  71. 71.

    cain

    @Ruckus:

    My ex had hair down to her butt and it looked great. But washing and drying it took 2 hrs and she got tired of it. So she had about 2 feet of it cut off. She met me at the door and asked me not to get mad, before she showed me the results. Told her it looked great, (which it did) it’s her hair and she could do what she wanted with it. I try very hard not to be judgemental about people’s looks or clothing, in most cases there is little they can do about it other than not make it worse.

    I actually admire when the ex goes out on the limb and tries something out of her comfort zone. Especially hair, since you know that stuff grows back so it’s not a big deal. She’s looked cute in every iteration that she’s done (except that last one.. goddam)

  72. 72.

    Suzanne

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    You look fabulous ALL THE TIME IN ANYTHING AND NOTHING!”

    Exactly this.

    Even when—especially when—she’s sick, having a bad hair day, doing manual labor, exhausted, what have you.

    And this isn’t a crazy woman thing, because I’ve never met a dude that didn’t want shameless compliments all the time, too. The only time I really weigh in is when Mr, Suzanne consults me on questions of formality, or when he gives me a this-or-that choice, like, “Which of these ties looks better with this shirt?”.

  73. 73.

    Baud

    @Suzanne:

    because I’ve never met a dude that didn’t want shameless compliments all the time,

    Agree. I would kill for shameless compliments.

  75. 75.

    PaulW

    Pro-tip: When asked by a woman how an outfit looks for an afternoon party, “that’ll do” is not the optimal response.

    I’ve never been in relationships and even I know that when a woman asks you a “How do I look” question you answer “you’re a goddess” and you bow and worship.

  77. 77.

    Yarrow

    @Suzanne: It’s also acceptable to alert her if you notice something like cat vomit on the back of a jacket that she obviously didn’t see before she put it on.

  78. 78.

    Frankensteinbeck

    It’s not fair to assume she’s fishing for compliments or will only take a positive response… but even if she wants an honest answer, John, “That’ll do” implies you aren’t paying attention and don’t care. It might actually be worse than a direct statement that she looks terrible.

    @Baud:
    I don’t understand how someone as stunningly, heart-thumpingly sexy as I imagine you are on the internet didn’t win the presidency.

  79. 79.

    efgoldman

    @Yarrow:

    It’s also acceptable to alert her if you notice something like cat vomit on the back of a jacket

    Especially if you don’t have a cat

  81. 81.

    John Revolta

    My father used to say to us kids, “When I want your opinion I’ll tell you what it is”.

  86. 86.

    Unknown known (formerly known as Ecks, former formerly completely unknown)

    Rarely is the question asked: Is our Cole learning?

  87. 87.

    zhena gogolia

    @Joshua Norton:

    “I’ve seen worse” is a catchphrase around our house, quoted from the Morse episode “Dead on Time.” A one-eyed servant with a heavy Scottish accent looks out the window at Morse, who’s sipping lemonade in the garden, and says to a woman who’s contemplating taking up with Morse again long after their college romance, “Yon Morse. I’ve seen worse.”

  88. 88.

    enplaned

    Next time, take a lesson from your dogs and hump her leg. OK, you don’t need to do that, but faking a swoon wouldn’t hurt.

  93. 93.

    randy khan

    The thing about that question is that it’s an early relationship trap – there are a thousand different shades of meaning and, therefore, potential appropriate (or, more important, inappropriate) responses. My wife is not one of those people who asks, which makes it easy for me (I do, however, tell her she looks good in something when she looks even better than usual, if for no other reason than to make sure she knows that I noticed); I will ask her every once in a while if a particular outfit looks okay, and expect an honest answer. But until you know what your partner wants by way of feedback, it’s very tricky (outside of mentioning cat vomit).

  94. 94.

    Death Panel Truck

    Wife: How do I look?
    Me: Good enough to take to Costco.

    Or vice versa. It’s an inside joke.

    We had a hair stylist who always did our hair on Saturday mornings. One day she asked us what we were going to do that afternoon, and we told her we were headed to Costco after our haircuts. At our next appointment, she asked the question again, and we gave the same answer because we were going to Costco that day also. It became a running joke between the three of us, that we always got our hair styled before going to Costco.

    So Cole, just tell her she looks good enough to take to Costco, and see what response you get.

  96. 96.

    Unknown known (formerly known as Ecks, former formerly completely unknown)

    @Baud: Slogan: “Time to get Baudy”

  102. 102.

    efgoldman

    @Craigie:

    Which is better: one 40-year relationship or four 10-year relationships?

    I am not qualified to speak on the subject. I never had a ten year relationship, except after ten years with mrs efg.

  103. 103.

    Quaker in a Basement

    It’s all in the delivery. “Whoa, THAT’ll do!”, said as though madame’s ensemble will create a sensation on her arrival? Good answer.

  106. 106.

    Suzanne

    @Craigie: Well, my ex-husband cycles through 5-7-year relationships, and if he wasn’t being supported by the current GF and avoiding paying his child support, he’d be living with his mom. Serial monogamy doesn’t seem to work out for anyone I know.

  107. 107.

    efgoldman

    @Suzanne:

    if he wasn’t being supported by the current GF and avoiding paying his child support, he’d be living with his mom.

    And he’s in, what, his 40s? Gawds.

  108. 108.

    Anne Laurie

    @efgoldman: We’re approaching that milestone, too.

    The Spousal Unit has always favored some variant on “You know what you always look great in? That blue dress — the one you wear with the big necklace.”… when what he means is “Not the best combination, what you’re trying here.”

  109. 109.

    The Pale Scot

    I bought the poor cracker kids from next door a lawn sprinkler, they’re jumping around in it screaming their heads off,

    Could be the best 10 bucks I ever spent.

    I heard on the radio that Lucius is going to be on Prairie Home Companion tonight, they’re always worth a listen

  110. 110.

    Ruckus

    @Suzanne:
    Some people seem to work at removing all doubt that they learned anything growing up. Mainly by never actually growing up. Physically they look like an adult, their voice suggests time and experience has visited them now and again, but their utter lack of acknowledgement that other people are in any way equal to them, because they are the greatest and if only everyone would understand that and kiss their ass the world would be wonderful, but because no one does worship the ground they walk on they will be damned if they will in any way join the human race.

  111. 111.

    Anne Laurie

    @Suzanne:

    Serial monogamy doesn’t seem to work out for anyone I know.

    Whether your ex admits it or not, his form of serial monogamy is working for him. Bitching about onerous demands for child support, the IRS garnishing his salary for non-payment, etc. are a form of self-defense, so that his creditors don’t realize he’s living his own version of His Best Life.

    (Nope, not one of my exes, but there is this one guy in my social circle who’s spent the last 40 years explaining to the world at large that he’d be richer than Bill Gates if it weren’t for the selfish demands of small-minded authorities. He gets to live like a college student — mooching off his parents, the gubmint, his latest girlfriend; working intermittently at a series of go-nowhere get-rich-quick schemes — all the while convinced that it’s all Someone Else’s Fault he’s never struck it rich.)

  113. 113.

    Steve in the ATL

    Comment 113? I missed the Baud! campaign rally. Merde!

    ETA: damn you, Frankensteinbeck!

  115. 115.

    Suzanne

    @Anne Laurie: Eh, the dude is in therapy and has some shame issues, bigly. It works for him until it doesn’t. He hasn’t achieved anything he wanted, lifestyle-wise. If he was the type to be content sitting around reading books and eating ramen noodles, then I would agree with you, but he’s not.

  117. 117.

    Another Scott

    @jeffreyw: “What did they do to your hair!11” is another good one.

    :-/

    Cheers,
    Scott.
    (I don’t recommend using it though.)

  118. 118.

    Gravenstone

    Dude, ABC must be the most patient woman in the world. Because you’ve shared several anecdotes here which would be absolutely lethal in most other burgeoning relationships.

  119. 119.

    ET

    No John Cole that is not the right answer. It’s OK if she says he outfit is fun but you can’t.

    As a woman I would like to give you the “right” answer but there may not be one. At least an all purpose one.

  120. 120.

    Mel

    Honesty with courtesy and genuine appreciation are my suggestion.
    20+ years so far, and it’s worked for hubby and me.

    Don’t like the outfit? Try : “I like the green dress better than this one, and the green dress highlights your eyes. You have beautiful brown eyes.”

    We’ve only had a few incidents over the years of absolute couture horror, which required one or the other to say , “Honey, I love you, but hell no! you can’t wear that!” (a couple of which were related to my unfortunate love of all things excessively sparkly and/or blindingly neon turquoise in color).

  121. 121.

    J R in WV

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym:

    See, this thread contains direct, specific, easy to follow directions which will work in many circumstances: Always try to be positive when given any opportunity!

    So that advice may eliminate a source of stress in all of our lives!

  123. 123.

    Barbara

    A master level pro does not wait to be asked. When you see that she is mostly ready, you tell her how great she looks and then ask if that’s a new outfit.

  125. 125.

    name withheld

    have to request name withheld….
    ANOTHER PRO TIP
    the right answer to
    What would you do without me?
    IS NOT:
    masterbate more…..

  126. 126.

    YellowDog

    @Barbara: Never ask if that’s a new outfit unless the tags are on it. if it’s one that you should remember, that means you aren’t paying attention to her.

  127. 127.

    CB in Natick

    I don’t know about all the comments above that encourage you to lie. I believe in truth, and any relationship built on anything but the truth is bound to fail. I’m not suggesting that you be cruel, or insensitive, just honest. Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to lie to them is not good.

  128. 128.

    Marina

    Point out some detail that shows you’re actually looking at her, like how the [insert color name here] highlights her eyes, hair, whatever. Maybe the fabric’s pretty, or the dress has a nice twirl when she walks, which complements her good taste. The question at some level seeks approval; generic answers can telegraph that you’re not interested in paying attention, and therefore you’re not giving approval.

    I know this because 13 years ago I asked my husband how I looked in a party dress and he said, with aggravation, ‘it’s fine’. Haven’t asked since. He’s a god among men, so not complaining. Also you can’t ask someone to say nice things about your appearance. And also: you can give compliments/approval even when nobody’s asking for them.

  129. 129.

    Svensker

    @CB in Natick:

    Being in a relationship with someone who expects you to lie to them is not good

    Tact is not the same thing as lying.

    Hope you’re not planning on a career in the diplomat corps.

  130. 130.

    SWMBO

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym: my autistic son gave me an ammonite necklace for Christmas years ago. He always wants me to wear it to hockey games. Someone asked him why and he said it makes me look beautiful. They asked if I was beautiful if I wasn’t wearing it. Almost was his response.

    “You’ve never looked lovelier. ” is a good response too.

  133. 133.

    Geeno

    I think most people subconsciously hear “pig” after “that’ll do” since “Babe” came out. It’s just not the “okay” it used to be.

  135. 135.

    Gemina13

    @Marina: This. When I’ve asked the SO about how I look, it’s usually because we’re meeting his family and I want to make a good impression (my style tends to be blue-collar Bohemian, so . . . ). But he’s good about giving compliments, even if they occasionally veer into silliness. And I give them back, because I love seeing his face light up when I do.

  136. 136.

    cleosmom

    @CB in Natick:

    I don’t know about all the comments above that encourage you to lie. I believe in truth, and any relationship built on anything but the truth is bound to fail

    .

    I knew a guy like that when I was in high school; he was the snotty two-years-younger brother of a friend. He used to address me as “Tubs”, and my suspicions that most adults were not to be trusted as far as I could throw them were confirmed when he did that in his mother’s presence; she beamed at me and said, in sugary tones, “I encourage my children to be honest.”* This was the same woman who, one day when driving me and my friend to school, terrified me by turning down the radio, closing her eyes and bowing her head WHILE DRIVING and reciting a morning prayer.

    Years later, I met my high school friend unexpectedly and we were sharing whateverhappenedtos when the subject of her kid brother came up. He was still living with Mama and had a curious inability to hold down a job.

    This is a morality tale. Take heed.

    * In other words, “yeah, I know my male crotchfruit has the tact of a brickbat but I agree with him, fatty.” It’s a memory I actually cherish now that I weigh about 105.

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