Today was a good day, although it was a little hot and oppressively muggy. We took the boys to my parents for a picnic, and even manage to show up at 1:58 pm when we supposed to be there at two. Ann Burr was a little irritated with me because I was ready at a quarter til and couldn’t get any movement, so I just went out and sat on the back porch and waited for them. At any rate, walked out the back gate of my house, crossed the alley, entered their backyard, and as we were walking through down his garden path I stated “Dad already has the grill going.” She stopped, turned around (I like to walk behind to usher stragglers and pick up the wounded on these forced marches), looked at me, and asked “Is this the German?”
Another quirk of mine- when we say we are going somewhere, I am physically ready to go 15 minutes prior and thus mentally prepared to go 15 minutes prior. I know this about myself, and I know that if I sit around and watch people do things that are not essential to leaving or getting to where we are going, it will irritate me and I am prone to bellow, so I have been known to spend twenty or so minutes sitting in the car by myself either “warming it up” or “getting the ac running.” I think this also bothers ABC, but I swear it is better than the alternative. For everyone.
We took a bunch of pictures of all four of us in my father’s back yard but I decided I looked like Hodor guiding Bran Stark and his companions and ABC felt the picture was also not flattering for her (I disagreed, I thought she looked lovely), so you will get a picture of the kids on the porch. They have no say in the matter:
We had intended to go to the fireworks display but enthusiasm for that had waned for all of us, so we sat in the AC and I forced them to watch the Capitol Fourth, which I love even though it is so cheesy and jingoistic and the artists are all old has beens. But I love the “The President’s Own” Marine Corps band, and even though they were all not fans, I made them watch it ala Alex in a Clockwork Orange.
I will never, ever, ever tire of this. It makes the hairs on my arms and legs stand up every time I listen to it:
In some sad news, my uncle Bill died at the age of 92 today. He was my father’s sister’s husband (Aunt Margaret, and she died several years ago). Apparently got up in the middle of the night and died while heading to the bathroom. He was a WWII combat veteran, and he loved his wife, loved his kids, and loved his country.
Ruckus
Sorry about your uncle. 92 is a long run, hope it was a good one.
efgoldman
I am a big fan of band music in all its forms. Love the Marine Band. Guy who was the high school student conductor the year before I was, spent 22 years in their euphonium section.
gammyjill
Thanks for posting the pictures of the boys – they’re adorable – and also the “Stars and Stripes Forever”. Like you, I really like the song.
And I’m sorry about your uncle. They’re dying off at a frightening rate and it’s best if we can remember them.
Mnemosyne
G’s dad also passed on the 4th of July. Five years ago today. But they’re in good company, since it turns out that John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison all died on July 4th.
MikeBoyScout
Condolences for Uncle Bill.
Mike J
@efgoldman: I love government funding of the arts.
Gin & Tonic
There was a brief period a few years back when my daughter thought seriously about auditioning for a spot on that band, but those are some serious musicians.
geg6
My sympathies to you and yours, John. A good long life he had.
Other than the neighborhood assholes and their stupid fireworks, a nice quiet day at Chez Lawrence.
Starfish
I am sorry about your uncle.
I am not the best at correcting things, but I think you might want to reread that sentence.
Ann’s kids are cute.
This innate need to be on time…kids spend their entire lives training parents not to do that. Kids can make a standard 30 second task of putting shoes take 20 minutes because “Where are the shoes?” “Hey, I can do this while standing on my head.” “What do you mean they are on the wrong feet?” Ann’s kids look a little old for those types of shenanigans; but if they find that this is your weak point, they will take you down.
tobie
I’m very sorry to hear about your uncle. Sounds like he had a rich, fulfilling life.
Villago Delenda Est
Condolences for your Uncle, John. 92 is an excellent run. Another WWII hero gone.
randy khan
So, on the thing about being ready early.
It took me years to realize there is no point in getting irritated when I’ve done everything I can to get ready for our annual trip to the Shore and my wife is nowhere near ready. I used to get really annoyed about it, then at some point I figured out that (a) there was nothing I could do to make her be ready faster; and (b) at best, being annoyed merely made me unhappy and, at worst, it also made my wife unhappy when I expressed my annoyance. This was really obvious, but once I realized it, I could be a lot more zen about the situation – we were going to get to the Shore eventually, so it just wasn’t that big a deal. Now I just read a magazine or a book while I’m waiting. I’m much happier.
Edited to add: The funny thing is that, on the whole, she’s the on time person and I’m the late person. But getting ready for the trip to the Shore is a big undertaking for her (mostly things I can’t do, as she has to more or less take her business with her), and she’s always scrambling at the end.
aimai
@Starfish: Before we had kids we read a wonderful essay by some parent describing their dreamy daughter refusing to put her shoes on because she was wondering…wondering…wondering what? “which is the sharpest bone in my body?” We have said that to each other, ever since, through our 21 years of parenting. Its very apt. You can get ready fifteen minutes early if you want–but it won’t change the time you are going to get where you are going when you are traveling with children.
aimai
Also: my condolences to your family, John, on the loss of your Uncle. Since my parents are in their 80’s,and my FIL is 90, I won’t say that 92 is a long life. Because its always a shock, and always too soon. Glad he was under his own steam.
Barbara
@randy khan:
1. Read a book
2. Get coffee.
3. Get gas.
4. Just sit in the car and tune the radio or program navigation.
These are all things I do while waiting for my husband to get his act together.
SiubhanDuinne
@Mnemosyne:
Small correction. I know this only because Abraham Lincoln told me so in one of Adam Silverman’s posts earlier today.
Condolences to John and family on Uncle Bill’s death. As others have said, 92 is a very nice run, but we would always wish for just a little more time with them as long as they’re compos and not in pain. Sounds to me like Bill went the way he would have chosen to go.
And ABC’s sons are adorable!
Gin & Tonic
@randy khan: My ex-brother-in-law would play the piano while waiting for my always-tardy sister. She didn’t care for that very much, thus the “ex-“.
Mary G
I hope to die like that, I am sorry for your loss. The boys are cuties, but don’t tell them I said so. Your 15 minutes early thing would drive me batshit.
Hodor is far and away the best person on GOT, so be proud you look like him.
Omnes Omnibus
Condolences for the loss of your uncle, John. I am glad that the rest of your holiday weekend went well.
Mnemosyne
Also, to JC up top:
In case it wasn’t clear, this is where you made your mistake. Just waiting on the porch is no big deal, but the extra little push when you were already on your way is where you got yourself in trouble. Don’t do that.
ThresherK
@randy khan: When i want to leave at 9am I tell my wife “twenty of nine”.
When there’s a genuine starting point (unlike a cookout) I am one of those people who relaxes by being some place a bit early.
Mnemosyne
@SiubhanDuinne:
D’oh! I always get Madison and Monroe mixed up. I blame Lin-Manuel, because he conflated the two of them in his play.
The Fat Kate Middletion
Oh my god, such beautiful,beautiful children … and all my condolences on the loss of your uncle. Their age doesn’t matter – it’s always so hard to lose these links in the family chain.
Sab
Sorry about your uncle. He lived a long life, with happiness it sounds like.
My dad is 92 with dementia. He loves car rides. We were riding around today and he asked “Don’t you have a brother?Where does he live?” Yes I have a brother, in his sixties, who is his only son (doesn’t visit much, has lived in the same town in California for thirty-some years). Upsetting, but I don’t know who or what to be upset with.
Can’t decide if I should relate this conversation to said brother.
Jay Noble
I have this innate thing about getting to things – including work – 15 minutes early. Came in handy when the company went all austerity and “there will be NO OVERTIME!” Since our schedules were a little flexible, I got to leave 15 minutes early ’cause I just could not stand around for 15 minutes to clock in.
Also means I usually get better seats at the movies!
Chris T.
What does “is this the German” mean?
rikyrah
The boys look so happy:)
Condolences for your Uncle.
Sab
Tell ABC those are cute kids. All mothers think so, but hers actually are very cute.
d58826
Also watched the Capital 4th and got a chuckle out of the singing of ‘My Country Tis of Thee’ – the British national anthem. But what ever, looked like every one was having a good time
Catherine D.
Be kind to your web-footed friends ’cause that duck might be somebody’s mother
Anyone else know those words to the march, or is it a local aberration?
Patricia Kayden
Condolences to you in regards to your uncle.
Wow. You would kill my entire family since we’re always late.
Major Major Major Major
My grandpa is having an old aortic aneurism repair… repaired in the morning. When I called him today he said, let’s hope I’m here to answer the phone next time. And then we talked about cats, because my grandpa is awesome. Wish him luck!
Mnemosyne
@Sab:
That reminds me of when my paternal grandmother started to have periods of dementia (it mostly seemed to be sundowning since she was usually lucid during the day). My grandfather (her husband) had died more than 20 years earlier, but they stopped telling her he was dead when she asked where it was, because she would grieve like it had just happened … until she forgot again, and had to be told again. So they started telling her that he was on a fishing trip when she asked where he was.
So one night we were at my aunt’s house when my grandmother asked where my grandfather was, and we told her again that he was on a fishing trip. And she said, “Well, he might as well be dead, he’s been gone so long!”
Mnemosyne
@Major Major Major Major:
Highest hopes for him. It sounds like he’s in good spirits, which help more than you’d think.
@Catherine D.:
It’s apparently an old Boy Scouts lyric — someone in another thread quoted the same thing earlier.
Omnes Omnibus
@Barbara: My ex was always on time. My current person of interest is always on time. It’s polite. My brother’s wife, who pawns off a shitload of parenting responsibilities on my brother while she gathers kudos in local media as a paragon of advocacy for families, is never on time.*
*She is very good at her job and she does important work. She has stunningly flexible hours and the kid doesn’t . I think she takes advantage of the kid (his choice and all that, but, if I can’t complain about people taking advantage of my little brother here, what is the point of the internet?)
Major Major Major Major
@Mnemosyne: it’s very risky so he’ll need all the help he can get.
M. Bouffant
Oh great, you lose your uncle & now I have to start worrying about night-time expeditions as another possibility for mortality.
Now now, judgy-judgy!
What may not be essential to you may be to others. I often find myself looking around before going out & thinking I really should tie up the trashbag & take it w/ me on the way out, or put those books/articles of clothing/whatnot away so they won’t be staring me in the face when I return to the bunker. By which time I’m usually filled w/ hate & rage at the idiots who populate the outside world, & need a safe space.
Omnes Omnibus
@Catherine D.: Moi.
Sab
Also hilarious that these sophisticated Connecticut kids don’t mind going to West Virginia. Life isn’t always horrible in fly-over country (although our politics often suck) .
In NE Ohio we have an amazing metroparks system, funded by property taxes. In Cleveland and its suburbs, and Akron and its suburbs there are hundreds of acres of parkland for hiking, jogging, running, biking, horseriding and photography.
Omnes Omnibus
@M. Bouffant: Did you have a time at which you were supposed to be somewhere?
Shlemazel
Sorry to hear about your uncle. Sounds like he went peacefully and that is a blessing.
It might be your German, if I’m not there 10 minutes early I feel late. I won’t go in until it is time but I’d rather sit in the car or walk around the block than be late. I think that is from my German side
Omnes Omnibus
@Sab: Wyoming is horrible politically. The rest of it is wow!
Karen
@Catherine D.: scouting, I learned those word at scout camp
Mary G
@Major Major Major Major: Holding him in the light and praying too.
Ceci n est pas mon nym
@Catherine D.: I was in fact singing those words earlier this evening. This being the 21st century with everything on the internet, you can find the full lyric everywhere. Apparently it’s a scout song. I didn’t even know there were words past that line.
@Chris T.: After reading the story several times, my guess is it means “Is this your German heritage showing?”
Sab
@Mnemosyne: I don’t even mention my mom to my dad because it upsets him so much. He’s fine if I never mention her. I am sure she is spinning in her grave that he has forgotten her, but he hasn’t really. He misses her desperately when he remembers her. My job is to prevent that. Weird and sad.
Another Scott
@Sab: Dayton, also too.
Cheers,
Scott.
M. Bouffant
@Omnes Omnibus: I will admit to leading a gainfully unemployed & relaxed bachelor lifestyle, but even when confronted w/ a schedule it can happen. Depends on the amount of mess, I s’pose.
Wapiti
I’m part German, but I think my timeliness is from my time in the Army: “If you’re not early, you’re late.”
I actually liked that for social visits in the Army, the time on the invite was the time you were expected to be there – none of the “fashionably late” bullstuff. We’d go to someone’s house, park on the street (a little early, because if you’re not early, you’re late…), then get out of the car with enough time to be at the hosts’ door at the appointed time.
Sab
@Another Scott: Ohio Metroparks. Why on earth don’t other states (counties) have them?
Doug!
Sorry to hear about your uncle. Though it sounds like he went peacefully.
Omnes Omnibus
@M. Bouffant: I aspire to your life.
Kay Eye
My friend Laura described her childhood family road trips (two parents, four kids) thus- her dad would finally get everyone herded into the car, and exasperated, would take his place behind the wheel, and deliver this line: ” ‘We’re off!’ cried Father, and an hour later they pulled away from the curb.”
He said it every single time.
Sab
@Omnes Omnibus: I know. I have been reading “Daily Coyote” for years.
Cheryl Rofer
Sorry about your uncle, John. Nice pic of the kids. Yes, it’s a German thing.
For those wondering about the “alternative” lyrics to The Stars And Stripes Forever, it’s a scout thing. Now I have to search that site for other songs from my childhood.
The fireworks have started in the immediate neighborhood. The kittehs are sitting in front of the screen doors as if they are waiting for the show to start.
SFBayAreaGal
My mom loved her marching band music. John Phillips Souza was her favorite. Every time I hear the music it brings me back to her last 4th of July. Gawd I miss her so much.
Dextrous
I love reading your blog. I love your house renovation, and your car buying saga, and your cat schlepping woes. So please don’t take this criticism the wrong way: the kids really should have a choice in whether their pictures are posted on the internet for everyone to see. I am the parent of 2 boys, now teens. The only lasting way to teach them respect for other people’s boundaries was to make them realize they have the same rights. I know we adults get to decide their lives for them. But they should be made to feel they have the right of refusal, especially when it comes to their privacy, and especially if it doesn’t cost you anything.
(back to lurking)
Sab
@Dextrous: John and ABC are both experienced bloggers. I cannot believe they put those pictures up without the kids consent.
SiubhanDuinne
@Wapiti:
There’s an old joke about instant analysis of clients/patients based on when they show up for appointments with their psychologist:
If you’re early, you’re anxious.
If you’re late, you’re hostile.
If you’re right on time, you’re compulsive.
Villago Delenda Est
@Omnes Omnibus: Western Oregon and Washington are OK politically, and have spectacular scenery. Eastern Oregon and Washington are not so much OK politically, and have spectacular scenery.
Villago Delenda Est
@Sab: Yeah, I think John was snarking. For example, he knows he’ll pay in blood for photos not approved by Steve.
Sab
@Sab: I have another response that is for some reason in lost in the ether.
joel hanes
When properly played, “National Emblem” is a better march than “Stars And Stripes Forever”
J R in WV
John,
Glad you and ABC and her family had a nice visit with your folks. Sorry to hear about your Uncle. Take care, keep in touch.
Also, kids are cute. Look like nice boys, which is more important.
frosty
@Sab:
I lost my temper when my mom (vascular dementia) insisted I was my twin brother. There’s no one or thing to be upset with. It just is.
joel hanes
Cole :
Save your money, plan ahead.
Take this woman to see “Hamilton” (it’s superb, worth whatever you pay for tickets.)
In the lobby at intermission, buy her an “A. Burr” snapback.
Villago Delenda Est
@Cheryl Rofer:
The old joke about Mussolini is that “he made the trains run on time.”
But he didn’t. Because trains running on time isn’t a matter of political will. It’s a matter of cultural attitude, transcendent of politics. Italian trains still run late, German trains arrive 2-5 minutes ahead of schedule, and they’re both liberal democracies.
I recall waiting for the Paris-Frankfurt express to arrive in Bad Kreuznach, on the west bank of the Rhein. It was running late, the Germans were fuming, and of course this is because it was coming from Paris, that festering hole of Gallic lollygagging.
Mike J
@Villago Delenda Est: The scenery in Eastern WA is spectacular, but in a very different way from Western WA. I prefer it on the wet and sane side.
randy khan
@Barbara:
All excellent choices. In my case, waiting for my wife to be ready to go to the Shore is much more a reading a book event than a get gas event or a sit in the car thing. Among other things, I can’t finish packing the car until she’s ready.
efgoldman
@Mike J:
Among the many things the RWNJs have eviscerated, the service bands suffered greatly. First they unfunded the post/fleet bands in favor of regional bands, then they nuked most of the regional bands. A lot of very fine career musicians were forced out short of retirement.
They pretty much left the DC bands alone, but some one of the assholes tried to nuke the Coast Guard Band in New London, thankfully didn’t succeed (we know the retired director very well).
efgoldman
@Gin & Tonic:
I auditioned for the West Point Band (not the cadet corps) in the 60s. Didn’t make it, but got an admission letter to the Navy (now Armed Services) Music School in DC.
My dad (career Army) pointed out to me that there were bands in Vietnam, and they got all the shit duty (KP, perimeter guard, etc).
Thanks but no thanks
Neighbor girl in the 80s and 90s was a hell of an oboe player. Full four-year scholarship to Boston U Music School. then went in the Army Field Band at Ft Meade. She must be near retirement by now.
Sab
@frosty: Yes it is.
Weird that pictures of very cute kids gets us talking about dementia.
Another Scott
@Sab: Good question! (But I think we know the answer. :-(
Cheers,
Scott.
efgoldman
@Catherine D.:
mrs efg know all four verses. At one time she could also sing the piccolo part, in the original pitch.
Sab
@Another Scott: Do we know the Answer? We can write them all off as idiots, but maybe they are just ignorant fools who could make better choices if presented with reasonable alternatives. OK right. You live in the 21st century.
efgoldman
@joel hanes:
Stars & Stripes isn’t even Sousa’s best. King Cotton is better, so are the few in minor keys.
ETA: Because of the keys its in, National Emblem is almost impossible for the brasses to play in tune.
mai naem mobile
John,sorry to hear about your uncle. Not a bad way to go (I am assuming it was quick) and 92 is at least not 70. Cute kids. Look like they’re close which is an excellent thing.
NotMax
@efgoldman
Personally am fonder of the Horowitz piano rendition of “Stars a & Stripes Forever” than of the traditional marching band.
NotMax
And as it’s the Fourth, the national anthem, arranged for the ‘bone.
satby
Condolences to you and your family on the passing of your uncle John. No matter how old, it’s still a bit of a shock when it’s sudden rather than after an illness. May he rest in peace.
satby
@Major Major Major Major: Wishing the best outcome possible for your grandfather tomorrow too!
satby
And the boys are adorable.
No One You Know
I’m sorry for your loss, John.
The boys are adorable.
ABCConcepts
Blog Post Fact Check
Being On Time: JG lives very close to his parents. You can see their house from his bathroom window. It takes literally three minutes to walk there. Even if I HAD been ready I wouldn’t have left at fucking 1:45!
JG is more than welcome to GTFO of the house until it is actually time to leave. It doesn’t bother me at all, and is far better than having him stand by the door asking me what I am doing and why I am not ready in increasingly loud and aggressive tones. However, once he leaves to wait for me and I say I will be out in a minute, he is not welcome to text me from the back porch that “it has been a minute.” And once we are on the way and clearly going to arrive on time, he needs to keep his fucking mouth shut instead of yelling at me and the kids about how we aren’t walking fast enough.
In addition to arriving early, JG also left early. He said he was “all socialized out” and that he had been there for AN ENTIRE HOUR AND TEN MINUTES (significant chunks of which he spent inside by himself). Fun Fact: The people we were “socializing” with were his parents, his brother, sister, and longtime significant others. JG was so drained he went home and took a 2 hour nap.
The Photo: I saw the pictures first and was like OMG why do I look like I am 200 lbs and/or 7 months pregnant? When JG saw them he said, and this is an exact quote, “Wow, you do have quite a ‘baby bump’ here don’t you!” He demanded I choose one for the blog anyway which fine because there are plenty of far less flattering photos of me on the internet anyway so whatever. I sent him the photo and he wrote back “yeah I am not posting that. can we crop you and me out of the photo and just have the kids?” All that “I thought she looked lovely” is a load of crap.
The Capitol Fourth: It was an unwatchable nightmare involving Kelli Pickler, some asshole in a black stetson, and the Beach Boys along with, inexplicably, that loser from Sugar Ray who still has frosted tips. A comment from William, 8: “This is a horror show can you make it stop?” JG was largely spared because he was in his office writing this post. The boys and I passed the time by playing “Find A Black Person In The Audience” (four, in an hour and a half of tv, in case you are curious).
I hate the Fourth of July anyway. Happy Tuesday!
XOXOXO
ABC
Mnemosyne
@ABCConcepts:
Heh. It sounds like John and I have opposite passive-aggressive ways of dealing with our families. G is constantly complaining that the one and only time I drag my feet and make us late anywhere is when we have to go spend time with my family.
SgrAstar
ABC, your children are not only adorable, they look exactly like you! Still laughing about your account of life with the SuperCrab.
SWMBO
@ABCConcepts: Next time he wants to bring up the rear, let him know he gets all the shit from the parade if he does. Also, he could go over to his parents’ house and wait there.
Ruckus
@Sab:
You don’t know who to be upset with because there isn’t anyone to be upset at. Your dad doesn’t want this anymore than you do. No one does. But it’s OK because dementia is infuriating. I haven’t figured out which is worse, having the body deteriorate first or the mind. My grandmother went through dementia while they lived with us and my dad had Alzheimer’s. And my body is falling apart while my mind is still OK. Can’t really do a whole lot about either in any case so I’m going with body first as better.
opiejeanne
@Catherine D.: In the 60s there was a tv show, Mitch Miller Sing-Along. It was a men’s chorus and they sang a lot of old songs that were popular with my parents’ and grandparents’ generations, some of which we had heard in elementary school. Stuff like The Whiffenpoof Song, Shine On Harvest Moon, Casey JOnes,etc. They had female guest vocalists and the only one I remember is Eartha Kitt. I was entranced by the shape of her mouth when she sang.
They always ended the show with:
Be Kind to Your Web-footed friends,
for a duck may be somebody’s mother,
be kind to your friends in the swamp,
where the weather is very very damp.
Now you may think that this is the end.
Well, it is!
Betty Cracker
Those boys are incredibly handsome! Look at those dimples and cleft chins!
Betty
@Barbara: Gald to hear I am not the only one who has to wait on her husband. What he is fiddling around doing mystifies me. I have my waiting chair, and I just try to relax.
Jim Parish
@opiejeanne: The version I remember from Scouts ended the verse with:
Well, it is, but to prove that we’re a liar
Here it is once again only louder
Ba-da-da-da (etc.)
The verse was repeated, louder each time, until the last repetition, which was as you wrote.
John Cole
@ABCConcepts: I don’t even know who you are.
Olivia
So sorry about your uncle.
ellie
When my brother was commissioned in the Marine Corps or when he graduated from OCS, I can’t remember what the occasion was, anyway, before the ceremony, the Marine Corps band played for about an hour or so. It was pretty great.
Aleta
@ABCConcepts: @William: Hilarious descriptions. Thanks for the laugh.
SWMBO
so you will get a picture of the kids on the porch. They have no say in the matter
@Sab: Since this is what John said, I can see Dextrous’ point.
Elmo
@Catherine D.: Coming to this super late, but the next lines are:
They live in the swamp, where it’s damp
And where the weather is always wet!
ABCConcepts
@John Cole: <3
Mohagan
@Catherine D.: I grew up in Northern CA, and I know those words to the march.
Mohagan
For some reason I can’t edit my comment, so I’ll add this: I just saw the comment about Mitch Miller’s Sing Along and yes, I bet that’s exactly where I learned the words you quoted. I clearly remember watching that show, but had forgotten they always ended with “be kind to your web-footed friends”