Folks,
As many of you have noticed, the pie filter and the random quote rotator are now in both the desktop and mobile sites, though there are still some issues we’re addressing that affect a few users. This is progress!
In bringing each of them to the fore, I’ve revealed them to have an inadequate set of messages. This is your chance to make suggestions to add to the site, and, in the case of the pie filter, I’ll be sharing all suggestions with Cleek, who invented it and helped launch it as a built-in part of the site. Since other sites also use this filter, you’ll be helping other communities, not just Balloon Juice.
You can review the current set of quotes at this link: https://balloon-juice.com/bjcustom/quotes-collection.json
You can review the current set of pie sayings at this link: https://balloon-juice.com/bjcustom/pie_strings.json
Quote suggestions will go through an approval process, but most-to-all pie sayings will be accepted. Finally, someone suggested using the Balloon Juice lexicon as another source for quotes. For my taste, they’re too long so I’m considering another application for the lexicon.
Please this nifty new form to submit your suggestions for either. One quote per submission, and we limit you to 10 per hour. I hope to add them early next week. Should the form be an issue or have an issue, please comment below. I’m not around in this post, so I won’t be here to deal with questions or reports of site issues.
Villago Delenda Est
“Everyone at G20 is talking about John Podesta!”
mai naem mobile
“But her emails!”
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
John Lewis is a neoliberal corporatist sellout shill for the corrupt two party duopoly status quo, and nowhere near as passionate or active on civil rights as Bernie.
Thoroughly Pizzled
The form isn’t working. :(
“Get a brain, morans!”
“You could land a 747 on those shoulders.”
Also, “Joseph Goebbels” is spelled wrong in the current list.
schrodingers_cat
My love for pi is irrational but real.
Frankensteinbeck
@Villago Delenda Est:
Jesus God Damn Christ, if anything lays out just how weird someone is who doesn’t merely lie but has no concern for the truth at all, that verbal turd did it.
Major Major Major Major
@Thoroughly Pizzled: What’s the error you’re getting?
James Powell
No pie-eating people can ever be permanently vanquished!
Trooptripe Traptrope
“The helicopters weren’t laughing.”
Origuy
Мне нравится пирог. (I like pie in Russian.)
ETA Here are a bunch of quotes about pie.
Laura
I just don’t feel respected in the political process as a large donor or as a citizen voter,”
Derelict
I will stop calling them racist assholes when they stop doing racist asshole things.
Gravenstone
“Dance around in your bones” had a rather … extensive list of pie sayings apparently culled from earlier versions of the filter circa 2013. But I’ll be damned if I can find her post that contained them.
cleek
The life of pie…
scav
Spelling is clearly optional in PieWorld, which seems only apt.
piratedan
used the contact form a couple of days ago and got no response… perhaps wp eated my e-mail
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
A jackal den of scum and villainy
You ever get that sinking feeling you’ve been screwed?
No puppet, no puppet, you’re the puppet!
“I never thought the leopards would eat my face!”, the Leopards For Eating People’s Faces Party voter sobbed.
Fuck you with a rusty chainsaw!
TenguPhule
“TenguPhule was right!”
“I have but one pie to throw for my country.”
catclub
@Trooptripe Traptrope: I am surprised that wasn’t already in the list.
Also, “I am sending my credenzas.”
Roger Moore
“To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It’s a ritual sacrifice. With pie. “
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?:
Also:
“We’ve got the best supporters, don’t we folks?”
“I know more about ISIS then the generals do, believe me.”
“We’re all going to die”
“Quick, call Barron. He’s very good with the Cyber.
Or: “Tech support provided by Barron Trump”
mouse tolliver
“Oh, you’ve redecorated! I don’t like it.”
TenguPhule
“I can see Russia from this blog!”
“But you said it wouldn’t pass the Senate.”
amygdala
“F*ckem”
Also, can someone cleverer than I come up with a tagline that includes tumbrels, please?
TenguPhule
@amygdala:
Assholes long overdue for a tumbrel ride
dr. bloor
“Baud/Pie! 2020”
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
Pie Filter:
“When Cakeland sends its people, they’re not sending their best.They’re sending pastries that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing frosting. They’re bringing fillings. They’re non-pies. And some, I assume, are good pastries.”
My half-assed attempt.
Lavocat
“Who would Jesus bomb?” And “Our first retarded president!”
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
“When Cakeland sends its cakes, they’re not sending their best.They’re sending cakes that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing frosting. They’re bringing trouble. They’re non-pies. And some, I assume, are good cakes.”
My half-assed attempt.
Ignore #27.
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
@TenguPhule: Jumping the gun a little? And I think the Russia one is already in the rotating tagline
Major Major Major Major
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: Gun-jumping is TenguPhule’s main form of exercise, don’t knock it.
hueyplong
I’d go with “tumbrel priority seating list.”
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
“We have always been at war with Islam” -Yuge Brother
This blog will be shut down in 24 hrs by order of the Office of the First Lady of the United States for violating the Protection of Orange Manbabies Act of 2028
Yutsano
@schrodingers_cat: I’m trying to formulate some other pi/pie puns.
“Pi.” “I like pie too.” “No pi. Like the irrational number?” “Yes pie!”
Something along those lines.
It’s still a work in progress.
Lalophobia
“Although over time my husband will desire me less sexually, he will always enjoy my pies.”
TenguPhule
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: I want it added to the pie filter.
Aleta
We are such stuff as pies are made on.
And our little lives are rounded with a pie.
Thinking about changing the name #FakePie to #AlternativeDessert!
the Conster, la Citoyenne
@Thoroughly Pizzled:
The correct form of that is “Get a brain! Morans
lethargytartare
obviously the Pie Filter needs to collaborate with Weebl and Bob
Major Major Major Major
@TenguPhule: Then you should make it about pie.
Aleta
Our tipping point has never been stronger, and we have just begun!
Really great numbers on everything!
Chris
“You can lie down for people to walk all over you, and they’ll still complain that you’re not flat enough.” A friend on Facebook.
“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.” Lyndon Baines Johnson.
“So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause.” Star Wars.
“I’ve never met a man with money who hadn’t walked on somebody to get it.” Ultimate Spider Man.
Aleta
Where PAPER defeats ROCK
Where Haters and Losers come to relax
New all-time highs
Alt: Where PAPER overcomes ROCK, and SCISSORS defeats PAPER!
dance around in your bones
@Gravenstone: Hey, you noticed! Those were actually MY pie suggestions gathered over a time when I was dreaming them up and submitting them to Cleek’s website. I told him he was free to pick and choose, but like a true Juicer he just put them all in the filter. I used to get a little frisson of pleasure when I’d see one pop up, which I mentioned in a comment once and was roundly mocked for ;)
It’s too boring to submit one by one so here’s the whole list again …..
Shit. It’s on my laptop and not this phone.
Figures.
Amir Khalid
Resubmitting yesterday’s suggestions:
Pai kastad durian … mmm, sedap!
Saya suka makan pai!
Kein Pie, kein Leben.
And some new ones:
Eine Pie macht das Leben lebenswert.
Aduh, hebatnya pai ini.
Pai, pegangan utama hidupku.
Aku, dia dan pai … jangan dipisahkan
.
Another Scott
There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.” — Isaac Asimov
Too long? Too depressing?
Cheers,
Scott.
Certified Mutant Enemy
“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it’s not, ummmm, boy.”
— Jack Handey
“Someday, I want to go to a site that proclaims a miracle and see a real miracle, like a pie miraculously floating above my keyboard, or a MySpace page that doesn’t look like technicolor vomit.”
— PZ Myers
Roger Moore
In Soviet Russia, Blog post You!
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
Do these have to be real quotes or just ones I made up?
dance around in your bones
It was on the Open Thread and Heads Up – Your Input Needed thread by Alain July 5 11:29am
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
@TenguPhule: Doesn’t the quote have to mention pie at least once?
TenguPhule
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?:
I was told there were no rules about pie on this blog.
Certified Mutant Enemy
“Mathematician James Grime of the YouTube channel Numberphile has determined that 39 digits of pi — 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288420 — would suffice to calculate the circumference of the known universe to the width of a hydrogen atom. (That number is rounded, for those of you keeping track.)”
— via Science Friday
Immanentize
Pie ‘n’ Pie vibration yeah! (positive); I-a-Man Pie-ration, yeah!
TenguPhule
@Major Major Major Major: “I can see Russia’s Pies from this Blog!”
TenguPhule
“All Republican Congressional Bills: More money for us. Fuck you.”
Just One More Canuck
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a pie
Major Major Major Major
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: Every quote was made up by somebody!
karensky
Re: pie request
Boston Cream Pie is for Massholes
Roger Moore
@Just One More Canuck:
Excellent. “It was the best of pies, it was the worst of pies…”
ETA: We can do a bunch of these, e.g.
“Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover pie.”
Amir Khalid
Not quite pie-related, but this donut story is still worthy of the Juicitariat’s attention.
Meanwhile, I’m kind of upset with Hotlink, my cellular provider. I’ve been waiting for it to send on a text message with a security code to let me complete an online transaction to buy the black Telecaster I mentioned recently. Online vendor says it should take only 30 seconds. It’s been an hour and more; no joy. Feh.
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
He was a businessman, they said. Congressional Republicans will control him, they said
Noncarborundum
Pie is an example of a dessert that has an amazing taste and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.
Aleta
Not accidental —it’s MODERN DAY ACCIDENTAL.
dance around in your bones
https://balloon-juice.com/2017/07/05/open-thread-and-heads-up-your-input-needed/#comment-6455549
^ Link to my comment if you want to see it
?
Major Major Major Major
@Roger Moore: Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded pie.
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
@Major Major Major Major: Since we’re doing literary pie quotes:
Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved pie.
d58826
Oh thank goodness they are going to set up working groups based out of State to discuss the election issues. All we have to do is staff the state dept.
How in FSM can you take this guy seriously when he said the Der Fuhrer and Putin bonded and have good chemistry. They were just having so much fun talking about these issues that they didn’t want to stop. They agreed to let by gone’s be by gone’s because it is to important to move forward. I would believe the three Stooges before I would believe this guy.
OH it gets worse. Putin asked for evidence of the election inference and the IC community will have to provide that.
Aleta
@Noncarborundum: lol
Major Major Major Major
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic pie.
Yutsano
@Major Major Major Major: Is “To make an apple pie, first you have to create the universe.” on the list? And if not, WHY NOT???
zhena gogolia
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?:
“Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.”
Excellent!
Major Major Major Major
@Yutsano: You may peruse the list here: https://balloon-juice.com/bjcustom/pie_strings.json
TenguPhule
“I have no mouth and I must pie.”
mai naem mobile
CBO confirms this thing is a &@£% sandwich .
Aleta
The voice of the people is the voice of dog.
Yutsano
@Major Major Major Major: I feel that, in the memory of Carl Sagan, that one has to get added to the list.
Aleta
Walk as though you are eating pie with every step.
Just One More Canuck
@Roger Moore: or songs:
“How I wish, how I wish you were pie”
NotMax
Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges. We got pie!
Major Major Major Major
@Just One More Canuck: I believe I can fly
I believe I can eat a pie
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
If you want a banana republic that bad, why don’t you go move to one
different-church-lady
My only comment on the rotating tag is that in order for the humor to really work, it needs better juxtaposition with the header logo. Right now it seems to be disconnected by a subtle page-width line. It should be above it, right under the logo, not separated.
As for the lexicon, if “TBogg Unit” is not added, I shall be extremely cranky, as it is my only internet legacy.
And lastly: thank you, Alain, for doing all these updates without breaking my antique coal-fired browser on my 8 year old primary computer (which I cannot update because, well, it’s complicated and boring…). Half the internet no longer works on this computer, for reasons I cannot comprehend (or is it just that I won’t accept them?).
? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?
@zhena gogolia: Thanks!
dmsilev
@mai naem mobile: Maybe someone needs to send the GOP some pie.
different-church-lady
@TenguPhule:
Major Major Major Major
@different-church-lady:
In the last several years, many websites have become almost entirely reliant on scripts that runs in your browser in order to be usable (javascript), as opposed to in the beginning, when your browser just displayed, essentially, a styled text file (html). Javascript underwent major revisions in 2015 and 2016, and many people who are now building websites don’t care to make them compatible with pre-2015 browsers. (Looking around San Francisco, I’m not even sure if these people were alive before 2015, frankly.) It’s not your fault, it’s theirs; “move fast and break things”, amirite?
If your antique coal-fired browser happens to be Internet Explorer, the problem compounds tenfold.
dexwood
I like cake, but I love pie.
Don’t need religion, I believe in pie.
Yarrow
@different-church-lady:
The font seems to be the same as the rest of the fonts and it’s blue, which still indicates a link to me. Seems like older versions of the rotating tag had different fonts or maybe were black? Can’t remember now, but I know they didn’t look like links.
Elizabelle
@Just One More Canuck: I love that one.
Austen on.
different-church-lady
@Major Major Major Major:
If they’re not alive after 2017, I, for one, would be fine with that.
It’s Firefox on a 2008 model Mac running 10.5. I can’t update Firefox without updating the OS. I could bring the OS up to near-date, but it would break a ton of my software and I’ve not the money to update it all. Safari can sometimes handle things that Firefox can’t. But even with Safari things like the way free wifi access points go about their log-in routines can just fail with no feedback.
I lean on some other (also very old) cast-off desktop computers and an older iPad for things that won’t go on this rig — I patch my internet functionality together on 4 different devices at this point! (#FirstWorldProblems)
Thanks for the info.
Major Major Major Major
@different-church-lady:
They don’t even have to do that in many parts of the so-called third-world!
Elizabelle
Keep calm and pie on.
jeffreyw
we ran out of pie then the murders began
Major Major Major Major
@different-church-lady:
Hey, shitty web developers have the right to not die, same as you and me.
different-church-lady
@Major Major Major Major: It’s their choice. I’m just hoping they make the right one.
frosty
Re: the lexicon. Agree it’s not a great source for quotes. It needs to be updated though. It looks like nothing new has been added in 3 to 5 years
different-church-lady
@jeffreyw: First they came for the cake, and I did not speak out– Because I like pie.
different-church-lady
I have come here to like pie and chew bubble-gum. And I’m all out of pie.
dexwood
Hell is pie in the sky and broken wings.
Roger Moore
Marie Antoinette made a huge mistake by telling the peasants to eat cake; she should have told them to eat pie.
Major Major Major Major
@different-church-lady: I’ll be sure to let my friends know.
different-church-lady
SOYLENT PIE IS PEOPLE!!!!
Another Scott
Balloon-Juice – Where the dinner choices tonight are Italian or tire rims and anthrax.
Cheers,
Scott.
StringOnAStick
@different-church-lady:
Comrade! So many years since we were together in the trenches! The first Tbogg unit was truly epic. I hope Tom B is doing the serious writing he left the blog world for; that guy is talented.
jeffreyw
that boy can’t walk and eat pie at the same time
different-church-lady
@StringOnAStick: Yes, I remember fondly those salad days when we thought the greatest menace to our society was the NSA possibly hoarding our e-mail in a gigantic data-farm somewhere…
Major Major Major Major
@different-church-lady: now that Jared is in town, the NSA won’t hoard data in silly old gigantic data-farms–they’ll hoard in the cloud!
different-church-lady
@Major Major Major Major: “The White House has announced a major partnership with Yahoo…”
a thousand flouncing lurkers (was fidelio)
@Origuy: I really like this one:
I’ll bet you Vladimir Putin doesn’t like pie.
–Al Roker
Missouri Buckeye
@schrodingers_cat: My love for pi is transcendental but real.
Bard the Grim
“Pie is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” –Benjamin Franklin
chopper
four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie? egad! the pie is I!
Uncle Cosmo
(Something I learned on a business trip to Idaho nearly 30 years ago, when the only hot grub within walking distance of the motel was to be had at the truck stop across the highway. Good pie.)
———-
@Gravenstone: After considering your objections (in the last pie-soliciting thread) to my petition for a means to determine a commenter’s location, I withdraw the request.
Instead I suggest that if location is significant context for a comment, authors should try to include as much as they’re comfortable providing. And try not to get all het up if someone asks for it.
(I do still think a completely optional “Location” window would be a useful feature for anyone who doesn’t mind others knowing it.)
TenguPhule
“What is that square root in pie?”
catclub
@? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?:
My favorite answer to that: “Yes”
catclub
@frosty: Actually, I thought it was amazingly prescient.
e.g We can see Russia from this blog.
Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)
Bravely leading the charge against weaponized idiocy.
pattonbt
Whitey Tape!!
JanieM
Haven’t read the whole thread but I would suggest making the font for the quotes under the masthead some other color than the color that otherwise represents links.
Alain the site fixer
Oh deranged one – your nasty comment has been removed and hopefully you’ll find somewhere else to pollute.
Alain the site fixer
One quote I’m going to add is “Fuck the fucking Yankees” – I suspect many of us were readers/commenters on Steve Gilliard’s The News Blog. I miss him, we sure could use his spine and knowledge these days!