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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Help a Brother Out

Help a Brother Out

by John Cole|  July 18, 201710:26 pm| 172 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

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I have not been on a vacation other than attending work conferences since 1997. I’m not a very good vacationer. However, I am going to the beach for a week with ABC and the kids next Friday. I am going to sizzle and fry and most likely die. I am trying to prevent that, though. I have the following:

– large floppy hat
– prescription sunglasses
– we have a tent like apparatus and I have a Hodor sized beach chair
– Neutrogena SPF 9 bazillion
– One of those towels that you supposedly get wet and it keeps you cool
– swim trunks
– a bunch of white t-shirts

WHAT AM I FORGETTING?

I also have the car ready with an oil change and alignment done, tires are checked, fluids are all good, inspection sticker is good and all my paperwork is ready. Tomorrow will be dedicated to putting a couple good coats of wax on it and then putting on the Thule cargo carrier. What else do i need.

Also, would it be considered bad form to put Tiles on the kids?

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Reader Interactions

172Comments

  1. 1.

    debit

    July 18, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    I’m going to assume you have stuff to read.

  2. 2.

    Mike J

    July 18, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    Croakies for your sunglasses. A good water/sandproof case for your phone.

  3. 3.

    mm

    July 18, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    bug spray, reusable water bottle, flip flops

  4. 4.

    Villago Delenda Est

    July 18, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    Tiles on the kids? Hmmm. ABC will need to approve, and you might ask the kids if THEY approve.

  5. 5.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 18, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    Dear god, you are German.

    Add a regular beach towel. Flip-flops or other socially acceptable beach sandals. Music.

  6. 6.

    justawriter

    July 18, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    These might come in handy, and pretty cheap to boot …
    http://boingboing.net/2017/07/18/evaporative-cooling-bandanas-r.html

  7. 7.

    Yoda Dog

    July 18, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    I mean, just remember to reapply the suncreen every 2-3 hours or so and you should be be fine.

  8. 8.

    LAO

    July 18, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    A sense of humor. Don’t forget to bring it.

  9. 9.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    Looks like you are covered. I’m the wrong person to give sun exposure advice…long history of being the poster child for what you are not supposed to do to your skin plus Hawaiian Tropic sales chick on the beach late 1970’s. So glad to see you so happy. Cover up. Don’t fry. Have fun!

  10. 10.

    lollipopguild

    July 18, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    How about a Tile on Steve?

  11. 11.

    schrodingers_cat

    July 18, 2017 at 10:33 pm

    You need pants.

  12. 12.

    MattF

    July 18, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    Tick awareness. As noted, pets get ticks too.

  13. 13.

    Quaker in a Basement

    July 18, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    Nerf football.

  14. 14.

    debbie

    July 18, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    @Quinerly:

    Iodine and baby oil?

  15. 15.

    SiubhanDuinne

    July 18, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Have you arranged for pet-boarding or -sitting? (Or are you taking Steve, Lily, Rosie, and Thurston to the beach with you?)

  16. 16.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    July 18, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Sandals? You want those on a beach

  17. 17.

    charluckles

    July 18, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    Not a beach fan, but my wife and kids love it. Cold drinks, cold drinks, cold drinks. Fruit juices, soda, iced tea, coco water. A book and a cold beverage.

  18. 18.

    Lyrebird

    July 18, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    Quick search of Amazon for “spf shirts for men” led to items like this: “Columbia Men’s Plus Tamiami Ii Long Sleeve Shirt” – great for times when you get sick of reapplying the sunscreen.

    And either your friend’s pizza roll book or something else you’ve been planning to read, build, etc.

  19. 19.

    SiubhanDuinne

    July 18, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    Also, maybe a little dust-buster or dirt-devil for the car? Some kind of battery-charged vacuum so you can scoop up all the extraneous sand that you and ABC and her boys will track into the car.

  20. 20.

    Wes

    July 18, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    A really great thermos for ice water. I use a 40 oz Hydro Flask and I basically live at the beach. It is super beat up now, but still holds ice for days, literally.

  21. 21.

    Feebog

    July 18, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Ice chest, umbrella, beach blanket or towels, wet wipes.

  22. 22.

    Jerry

    July 18, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    This is some of the best money I’ve ever spent:
    When vacationing at Carolina Beach last year, there was a beach umbrella reservation company. I think they charged $10 per umbrella per day so we reserved two per day. The umbrellas are very large and they put them up at your part of the beach first thing in the morning. It usually turns out to be the prefect spot and it keeps you out of the sun all day long. I don’t know what beach you are going to and if there is a company doing this, but if there is, DO IT.

  23. 23.

    eric

    July 18, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    as someone that wears his tshirt in the water for various reasons, there are shirts made for it that dont get heavy when wet. great for protecting from sun burn and people mistaking me for a very white sea creature.

  24. 24.

    Montysano

    July 18, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    I’ll second the suggestion for an SPF rated shirt. And maybe pants too. I used to be a natural fiber purist, but synthetics have come a long way, especially for hot weather wear.

  25. 25.

    rikyrah

    July 18, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Big chest for ice and drinks
    Different pairs of shoes. I can’t stand flip flops. I need sandals and Crocs.

    PS- you are NOT going to die. You are going to have a great time ?? ?

  26. 26.

    Gin & Tonic

    July 18, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: He can vacuum out the sand when he gets home to WV. Otherwise forget it. I have sand in my car all summer.

    Cole, several people have mentioned – the sand gets hot, so you need something for your feet. And I always bring a couple of kites. The beach always has wind – but you don’t want cheap plastic crap, get something good. The boys will like it.

  27. 27.

    Kristine

    July 18, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Benedryl tablets and cream or something similar for bug bites or allergic reactions.

    A little air pump for inflatable toys, life preservers, etc

    Probably getting a little into the weeds here….

  28. 28.

    NotMax

    July 18, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    Flip flops or sandals. Insulated cooler of some sort.

    Maybe a terrycloth robe if the sun is intense. Maybe think about zinc oxide as well, being fair skinned and all.

    Phone holster (to somewhat alleviate sand intrusion) – water resistant if possible.

    Oh, and because it is you, a travel size first aid kit.

  29. 29.

    Regine Touchon

    July 18, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    What waters are you going to?

  30. 30.

    RandomMonster

    July 18, 2017 at 10:49 pm

    A beach umbrella is a rock solid investment. Keep most of the rays off and your skin temperature down.

    Edit: Didn’t see Jerry’s comment. I recommend buying a good sized one of your own and packing it in with you. It’s really the only way to read on a beach.

  31. 31.

    Yoda Dog

    July 18, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Seriously though, reapply the sunscreen often. This can’t be stressed enough.

  32. 32.

    delk

    July 18, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Eye Drops
    Lip Balm

  33. 33.

    opiejeanne

    July 18, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Don’t forget the tops of your feet when applying sun screen. That’s a miserable place to get burned.

  34. 34.

    Davebo

    July 18, 2017 at 10:51 pm

    Boogie board for the kids to play with in the surfe, cheaper to buy than to rent and kids love them.

    Remember, kids don’t just lay out on the beach they want to do something.

    Paddleball or volleyball.

    Finally, lots of little blue pills.

    Have fun!

  35. 35.

    NotMax

    July 18, 2017 at 10:51 pm

    Also, some type of plastic bucket or such in the back of the car so wet towels, clothes, whatever can just be tossed into it.

  36. 36.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    SERIOUSLY, SPF 9! I hope that was a typo. I charbroiled in about 30 minutes with SPF 100. Are you out of your mind?

  37. 37.

    Anne Laurie

    July 18, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    Vitamin E oil actually works great for soothing sunburns, if the worst should happen. When I’m on an expedition where I expect to get any sun exposure, I always pack a bottle as insurance — it’s like carrying an umbrella because that keeps away the rain.

  38. 38.

    Exurban Mom

    July 18, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: LOL. At least one pair for dinner out. Do bring some shorts, though.

  39. 39.

    TaMara (HFG)

    July 18, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Beach shoes – water shoes so you can walk on the sand, in the water and not burn/cut/get bit when you walk along the beach or in the water.

  40. 40.

    Percysowner

    July 18, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Don’t forget to put sunscreen on the top of your feet and on your head, if your hair is thining at all. My ex got a terrible sunburn on his scalp one year. Yes, try to wear your hat, but make sure your scalp is protected if you take it off.

  41. 41.

    Davebo

    July 18, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Any sunscreen over SPF 30is a waste of time and purely a marketing gimmick.

  42. 42.

    RandomMonster

    July 18, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    Also recommend lots of extra underwear, not because I suspect you’re incontinent (I don’t!), but because sand and water. Always nice to swap out. :-)

  43. 43.

    Aleta

    July 18, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    Little Mermaid costume and soundtrack for lip sync

  44. 44.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    100% aloe vera gel for when you get sunburned. Recommend 2 bottles.

  45. 45.

    Gravenstone

    July 18, 2017 at 10:56 pm

    @debbie: Bactine.

  46. 46.

    Davebo

    July 18, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    Finally, reevaluate your life priorities if you haven’t had a vacation in that many years.

    That’s just ridiculous!

  47. 47.

    Francis Logan

    July 18, 2017 at 10:57 pm

    BOOKS! MUSIC! You’re going to be dead bored in about 10 minutes. Until you get into the rhythm of doing nothing, be sure you can keep your brain occupied.

    (Also, think about how you’re going to carry money / credit cards onto the beach. A money belt isn’t a bad idea.)

  48. 48.

    J R in WV

    July 18, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    @opiejeanne:

    This. I got a sunburn on my feet once, before I noticed it I jumped into the hot tub. Screamed and popped up out of that hot water…

    Others have noted all the suggestions I have. Coolers full of cold water – note: NOT cola just water, flavored is OK, fizzy is OK, but no sugary crap. Munchies, like nuts or bars of some flavor?

    Have a good time!! Which beach you heading for?

  49. 49.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 18, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    @Davebo: You aren’t as white as some of us.

  50. 50.

    geg6

    July 18, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Pants/shorts. You can’t go around everywhere in swim trunks.

  51. 51.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    @Davebo: He goes almost every other weekend to visit ABC. He is exaggerating how homebound he has been.

  52. 52.

    Gravenstone

    July 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    @Sab: he said SPF 9 bazillion!

  53. 53.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    @Sab: He wrote: SPF 9 bazillion so I think he’s covered. I only noticed it when I did a double-take as you surely did when you read it.

  54. 54.

    hitchhiker

    July 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Spray bottles full of water are nice to squirt yourself in the face with if you feel too hot, or to squirt your feet with before you put them into your shoes, or just to sort of freshen up without actually getting into the water.

    Also fun to mess with kids & pretty girlfriend when they least expect it.

    We’re gonna get a full report, correct?

  55. 55.

    Davebo

    July 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Finally Columbia makes a Omni dry long sleeve fishing shirt which is awesome for the sun.

  56. 56.

    GregB

    July 18, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    -MAGA hat.

    -Chris Christie branded Gold Bond powder

  57. 57.

    ET

    July 18, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    Underwear.

  58. 58.

    Mayim

    July 18, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    If you are staying at a hotel ~ quarters. There will be something (kid’s favorite t-shirt, beach towels) that you will want to wash and/or dry.

    Seconding the SPF clothing as well as good sunscreen (love the stick versions for my face/ears), as someone who has gotten sunburns in Maine, Ireland, and the Shetland islands, among other unlikely places.

  59. 59.

    Mike J

    July 18, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    Entrenching tool.

  60. 60.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    @I have seen your pictures. You are as pale as me. The sun can fry you. I have had sun poisoning. It’s not pleasant.

  61. 61.

    geg6

    July 18, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    @MattF:

    Yeah, I got Lovey and Koda Lyme vaccines before heading to FL.

  62. 62.

    Keith P.

    July 18, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    WHAT AM I FORGETTING?

    Thong. It would go perfectly with the floppy hat and white t-shirt.

    EDIT And as counterintuitive as it sounds, you’ll want to cover up your package with a sweet fanny pack.

  63. 63.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 18, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    @Sab: A weekend away does not equal a vacation.

  64. 64.

    MCA1

    July 18, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    How old are these kids? Anywhere between 6 and 11 or so and they’d probably love making a huge sand castle. I build a gigantic pile of damp sand and shave it down into a fortress shape, with a sloping pathway circling its way to the top. The kids add towers and gardens and moats and whatever, then build a village surrounding the base. Kind of looks like something out of Game of Thrones.

    Anyway, pick up sand shovels and whatnot in addition to all the other suggestions above.

    And get a less goofy sounding hat. The one you’ve described sounds like it comes with a free bag of arugula. Oh, but it looks good on you, though. Hey, Whitey, where’s your hat?!

  65. 65.

    John Revolta

    July 18, 2017 at 11:02 pm

    @opiejeanne: Yeah, the first time I went to Florida my legs got so sunburned I could hardly walk. Hadn’t had my pants off in public much.

    Also John, is your AAA paid up? And don’t forget the mustard.

  66. 66.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:02 pm

    Cole, are the dogs going with you?

  67. 67.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 11:02 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Okay. I agree.

  68. 68.

    lollipopguild

    July 18, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    @Aleta: And pictures of you in the Little Mermaid costume, or ABC in it.

  69. 69.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    @debbie:
    Yes. I’m the wrong one to ask about this stuff. Grew up on the beach. My heavily tanned Mom pushed me out the door at age 4. “Get some sun. It’s healthy.” Probably would be considered child abuse now. I’ve held up pretty well 50 years later. Baking in the sun is #1 on my relaxation list. Spots/wrinkles professionally checked every other year. Lectures from lily white blonde dermatologist. I’m the wrong person for this thread?

  70. 70.

    Davebo

    July 18, 2017 at 11:04 pm

    @Sab:

    There are weekends and then there are vacations.

    Given what I know about John she surely deserves a week in St Thomas! Perhaps The south of France. Cannes or St Rapheal is nice.

  71. 71.

    lurker dean

    July 18, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    Spf shirts or rashguards are today’s white t shirts. They dry quickly, aren’t see-through when wet, and make you look vaguely sporty, as if you’re about to catch a big wave any second now lol.

  72. 72.

    SiubhanDuinne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    @GregB:

    Boy, I used to sneer at Gold Bond powder, but it has been a GODSEND this summer. I seem to be allergic to my own sweat, and it manifests in places on my body that are, how shall I say?, not the loveliest. (I know, TMI, sorry.) Anyhow, Gold Bond has made the difference between misery and comfort. I’ll never be without it again.

  73. 73.

    Davebo

    July 18, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    @Keith P.:

    You win!

  74. 74.

    Frankensteinbeck

    July 18, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    My books, obviously. I suggest the audiobook of Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’m A Supervillain for the car ride. That should soothe the little bas- I mean, lovely children. I get a lot of positive feedback about the voice artist, although it’s not like I have any role in selecting her.

  75. 75.

    RandomMonster

    July 18, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    @WaterGirl: Oh yeah, you bring up a whole ‘nother spectrum of things to bring if you have dogs with you. Number 1 for us is one of those collapsible water bowls (sturdy plastic but can be smushed flat, much beloved by campers).

  76. 76.

    Juju

    July 18, 2017 at 11:07 pm

    As a person without sun defenses, I just stay out of the sun between 8:30am and 5:00pm. I recommend doing that if you don’t enjoy being in the sun. I go near beaches in NC all the time. I just don’t actually go to them. When I am near the beach, and friends go to the beach, I stay in and cook and bake, but that’s how I like to spend my time. I take either early morning or late afternoon walks, sit on the shaded porch swing during the day and read and listen to my tunes. If you actually want to go to the beach during strong sun hours, your list with the addition of sandals so you don’t burn your soles sounds good. If you have white feet, be sure to use sunscreen on your feet.

    Don’t forget to laugh and don’t grind or clench your teeth. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

    Have a great

  77. 77.

    PaulWartenberg

    July 18, 2017 at 11:08 pm

    Drinks. Stay hydrated.

    No socks. Sand will ruin them FOREVER.

    Bat Shark-Repellent.

  78. 78.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    July 18, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    You need to get one of those beach cabanas. They cost about $40, and you set them up kind of like a tent with one side left open. They’re easy enough to set up, and it’ll keep all of you out of the sun, so you can sit on the beach and have a good time doing it, without any worry of sunburn or heatstroke or any of that shit. You can almost live in it. Best $40 you’ll ever spend on something for the beach.

  79. 79.

    opiejeanne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    @John Revolta: I live near Seattle. I put on shorts at 60 Fahrenheit to work in the yard and I’m still pale compared to other people. I think I scared the buffalo last week in Yellowstone: one approached the car and growled at me.

  80. 80.

    Gvg

    July 18, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    Solarcain, spray that numbs sunburn. Water shoes that stay on not flip flops. Spray sunscreen for when you are in a hurry. Not as long lasting as real lotion but quick so you will actually do it in a hurry and you can do your own back with the spray. There is also a new style of sunscreen that is a solid bar like deodorant that will go on easy even on wet skin. Pricey but Walmart may have a reasonable generic. My nephew actually remembers to use this, unlike the lotion. Bags to carry everything. Years ago we got a clear plastic backpack at Walmart for $6 right after 911 resulted in theme parks needing to inspect bags….but it’s lasted years and is perfect for beaches and water parks. Carrying lots of things is to drop or forget. Get something big and waterproof.

  81. 81.

    Luther

    July 18, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    Bad weather thought: a deck of cards or two. Bananagrams. Apples to Apples.

    AAA? get triptics for the kids to follow.

  82. 82.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    July 18, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    Looks like I missed the tent thing that you already have. I need to learn myself to read more gooder.

  83. 83.

    Barbara

    July 18, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    Not much of a beach person but you definitely want bug repellant of some kind plus an SPF shirt, which reduces the need for sunscreen on shoulders and arms. I also find that zip lock baggies come in handy if you are going to be around sand and water, to store electronics and keys. I also usually bring my favorite nutrition bars to avoid unhealthy snacks while driving.

  84. 84.

    khead

    July 18, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    Cooler. And a cart to drag all your shit to the beach.

    Weird story. Last year we went to Cape May on THE hottest day of the year. It was so hot I fell asleep for a few minutes with my feet off the blanket and it burned the top of my feet. Anyway, there was a group of folks near us sitting under 5-6 umbrellas. They had two HUGE coolers – one full of booze and one full of mixers and fruit. It was a full bar! We have no idea how those people did it. We drank ~2 gallons of water each and still felt lousy. Meanwhile, they were on the beach boozing it up before we got there and they were still going at it when we left.

  85. 85.

    Susan

    July 18, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    squirt guns, enough for everyone. lots of water and ice.

  86. 86.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: Is there a good (inexpensive) way to buy the audio book? I fall asleep every night to a book on tape, wondering if that one might be a good choice. Or maybe the library might have it?

  87. 87.

    opiejeanne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    @Quinerly: I always tanned until I hit puberty, and then I burned like a redhead. My sister is a redhead with the classic peaches and cream complexion, and she would burn through a shirt. Bad burns with blisters. That only happened to me once when I spent 45 minutes on the beach on an overcast morning without sunscreen, and I never want to go there again.

  88. 88.

    Frankensteinbeck

    July 18, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    @PaulWartenberg:
    Ooh, yeah. Bat-sharks SUCK. A $5 can of repellant can save you so much trouble.

  89. 89.

    Sourmash

    July 18, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    Concur on the 100% aloe vera, but check the ingredients, you don’t want ANY alcohol in it, since that will dry your skin out. Also generic moisturizer for your feet. Sand, salt water, heat and sun will dry them out and you’ll find them cracking fast. One of those SPF shirts is a grand idea. They are great for when you go in the water. Re-apply sunscreen regularly. Whenever you don’t have anything to do on the beach, put on more sunscreen. And rub it in. Cold drinks are key, and plenty of ice. If you do get some burning, you can cool it off with ice or cold water. Very important. Also, get out early, after the mosquitoes have gone, but before 10am. You can go without sunscreen for a little while as long as the rays have to pass through a lot of atmosphere, and sun on your skin gives you vitamin D! Music and things to read. Are the boys into the Dead yet? If not, this is the perfect time to indoctrinate them!

  90. 90.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    Cooler with a retractable handle and wheels, like on a suitcase. It won’t help on the sand but will definitely help everywhere else – in and out of the hotel room, parking lot at the beach, possible long walk from parking to the beach.

    Have a great time, Cole! I am so happy for your full, happy life.

  91. 91.

    satby

    July 18, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    I burn. Fry… Deep fry. Used to swim in turtleneck long sleeved shirts and long pants in the days before spf. Get this and this. Dry spray on sunscreen is the bomb, you don’t have all the sand sticking to you like it does with regular sunscreen lotion.

  92. 92.

    Frankensteinbeck

    July 18, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    @WaterGirl:
    The library might! A friend of mine told me their library had the audiobook, to my considerable surprise. Otherwise, I think it’s only available from Audible, who sells through Amazon. I think. That’s a part of the business I barely have any contact with.

  93. 93.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    @Gravenstone: I feel so much better about his SPF.

    My last time not taking the sun seriously was 1970 when I was in high school. I grew up in Florida and then moved north to the Midwest. Went for spring break. Sat on a dock protecting a sailboat that the morons I was visiting didn’t think was important enough to return to its berth. Took in sun that would have been normal in my childhood. Ended up with a fever and chills, sunburn, and later I peeled like a snake. Skin cancer issues since then.

    Got sunburned once in northern Michigan canoeing while wearing 18 oz jeans.

  94. 94.

    ixnay

    July 18, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    As Grover tells Big Bird in Follow that Bird, “Don’t forget to breathe, in and out.”

  95. 95.

    Mart

    July 18, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est: Agree. Ask the family what they think of tiles. Kids might like it, or be insulted that you think they cannot handle themselves.

    When my daughter was two we visited in Brooklyn, and took the subway to Long Island for the 4th of July Airshow. She would routinely bolt away to hug any living thing. So we decided to buy a leash for her before we left. On several occasions very glad we had it. I could reel her back in. Telling the story back home I got a lot of shit for being the liberal dad with the dog collar on his kid.

  96. 96.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 18, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    @PaulWartenberg: If I ruled the world socks would be a winter/formal event thing.

  97. 97.

    StringOnAStick

    July 18, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    I want to reinforce the “protect the top of your feet” statements. A sunburn there can ruin your entire trio and since those areas are directly facing the sun they burn the fastest.

  98. 98.

    eclare

    July 18, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Do you have footwear to wear in the ocean if you so desire? I go barefoot, but some people like to wear swim shoes. Also, water wings, float, etc. And beach toys like frisbees.

    ETA: waterproof/sport watch

  99. 99.

    Juju

    July 18, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    @Quinerly: You have A natural sun kissed beauty, and you look great with a tan. I’ve seen pics of John Cole. He looks like he could be one of my relatives. I’d say 10-20 minutes in the sun and he’d be halfway to ouch. But yes, I wouldn’t ask sun avoidance advice from you.

  100. 100.

    Gin & Tonic

    July 18, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    @Quinerly: You and me both. I turn nut-brown in the summer, with pleasure. Why go to the beach if you’re going to hide from the sun?

    Yes, I see a dermatologist for a full skin check every year.

  101. 101.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 11:20 pm

    @Davebo: I agree that there are weekends and then there are vacations, but for those of us in the eldercare vortex the occasional weekend IS a vacation.

  102. 102.

    patrick II

    July 18, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    Melania Trump sat next to Putin during the dinner. It was her seat Donald took when he talked to Putin.

  103. 103.

    satby

    July 18, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    @satby: never mind, you said you had a tent.

  104. 104.

    NotMax

    July 18, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    A fast stop at the nearest Salvation Army or Goodwill store, to pick up the loudest Hawaiian shirt you can find.

    Get several, one for each person.

    ;)

  105. 105.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    @opiejeanne:
    My combo is dark Irish on my dad’s side (he did have beautiful Paul Newman blue eyes though) and a pinch of Cherokee on my mom’s side. Really have never burned. Freckles a bit of an issue. Cole would be in the hospital if he listened to me.?

  106. 106.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: I am super-fussy about readers of audiobooks, so it caught my eye when you said you get lots of good comments on the reader. I do prefer male voices on audiobooks for some reason. I will see if my library has it. They have ordered audiobooks for me before – if it’s an author they have heard of, they will order the audiobook, figuring that if one person asks for it others will be interested.

    Will let you know if they end up ordering the audiobook.

  107. 107.

    eclare

    July 18, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Honestly Gold Bond makes my favorite hand moisturizer. Just the right amount of moisture, not greasy at all. I’ve tried them all, I’m picky.

  108. 108.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 18, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: I tan (burn if not protected) through a beach umbrella. I wouldn’t be hiding. I would be using the extra layer of protection.

  109. 109.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    @Juju:
    Poco and I are back to NC…unplanned trip but so looking forward to it! Arrival at PKS Thursday. Is the Ruddy Duck in your future? Around until 8/1.

  110. 110.

    Juju

    July 18, 2017 at 11:27 pm

    @Mart: My parents used a harness for me, especially in crowds, because I loved to wander and hug just like your daughter. I hated it at the time, but I realized later that I am still here because of that stupid harness. I still do resent the fact that my mom hooked the harness to the patio door and left me out like an annoying dog. She usually did that when she was trying to clean.

  111. 111.

    Juju

    July 18, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    @Quinerly: It could very well be.

  112. 112.

    Yarrow

    July 18, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: Because the ocean and beach are amazing and people who burn easily may still want to enjoy them. There’s more to being at the beach than just being in the sun.

    Have a great trip, John. You’ve got it covered. So long as you have your driver’s license and credit card you can get anything else you need.

  113. 113.

    eclare

    July 18, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: I wear sunscreen on my face, but nowhere else. Luckily my face is the only place that really burns. Went on vacation with friends who diligently put 40 on everywhere while I only did my face. After a few days they wondered why I was the only one with a tan. And yes, grew up encouraged to stay at the pool in the sun all day long so that I would fall asleep at 7 and my parents could have adult time.

  114. 114.

    Mnemosyne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    If your library is signed up with Overdrive, you may be able to borrow the audiobook electronically. I luuurrrrve Overdrive for borrowing Kindle books.

  115. 115.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 11:29 pm

    @Quinerly: My family is Scottish and Irish on one side, and English and German on the other. My black son in law laughs at us: “It’s raining today. You can go outside!”

  116. 116.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    @Juju:
    Wasn’t planned until last week.Got your email/#. Hope all is well.

  117. 117.

    artem1s

    July 18, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    get a couple of bottles of aloe gel and keep it in the fridge. apply liberally when you come out of the sun. it’s cooling and helps re-hydrate your skin.

  118. 118.

    Mnemosyne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    I think most other people have covered the necessities, but don’t forget sunscreen on your ears. Yes, your ears. I got a nasty sunburn in Florida this past March because I forgot to put sunscreen on my goddamned ear.

  119. 119.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    @Sab:
    Love that. I laughed.

  120. 120.

    Omnes Omnibus

    July 18, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    @Yarrow: I also choose mountains and woods for vacations when it is my choice.

  121. 121.

    Quinerly

    July 18, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    @eclare:
    You OK.

  122. 122.

    Aleta

    July 18, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    My partner is extremely sun and heat sensitive, and wanted an ankle length kanzu for years (pre easy internet shopping, so he never got). Instead he began carrying a big umbrella whenever he’s in the sun. For years his colleagues and friends mocked him. (Though there were times on field trips when a flash heavy rain drenched everyone and he would stand there, umbrella already launched, deadpan as though he’d expected it. He’s a modeler so everyone would joke about his accuracy.) Everyone’s used to it now. Anyway, the umbrella is actually pretty great for not getting brain fried in the sun, which happens to me too. At the beginning of a trip if I’m having a meltdown, if I put an ice pack down the back of my shirt before I start packing the car or driving, it calms me down.

  123. 123.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I tried that years ago at the library and the overdrive thing was really a pain in the behind. Sounds like I should give it another try.

    What I really want is to be able to listen to it on my iPod as I go to sleep – with overdrive you can just have it for a shortish time right? And can I listen on my iPod? It would be really nice they didn’t come on CDs or DVDs but on flash drives. Do they? it’s been years since I’ve gotten a new audiobook, so I am really out of touch on this.

  124. 124.

    madmommy

    July 18, 2017 at 11:35 pm

    Baby powder. Sprinkle it on feet and legs when you get back to the car and the sand comes right off. Remember you can burn even under an umbrella because of the reflection off the water. Ask me how I know this. It is very unfair to have a redhead’s complexion with out the accompanying ginger hair.

  125. 125.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    Cole, I have had stuff I care about stolen from the beach. Everybody seems so nice, I’m sure my music player or favorite sunglasses or whatever will be safe. And no one would ever look for cash in my cooler! (not true)

    I suggest not brining your wallet to the beach, just one credit card and an ID and some cash. Also keep some cash in your vehicle in case someone takes it or you lose it, then you’re not stuck.

    Not trying to be negative, just realistic. Enjoy your week! I hate the sun now, for me a perfect day at the beach is 70 or 75 degrees with a nice breeze. May you have a week filled with those!

  126. 126.

    Mnemosyne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:40 pm

    Is Alain messing around under the hood? I just had a comment vanish into the ether.

  127. 127.

    Tenar Arha

    July 18, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    @Mike J:
    Addendum: If you don’t plan on listening to music on headphones or taking pictures with it, a ziplock baggie (the one with the “Easy Zipper” so you know it will close) will do in a pinch as extra sand protection for your phone. Spare power bank if you plan on peeking at news while you’re on the beach, otherwise a couple of hardcopy magazines/books depending on how fast you read and how much you like beach combing.

  128. 128.

    eclare

    July 18, 2017 at 11:44 pm

    @Quinerly: Yeah, mom still has some bad vitals, but she is where she needs to be, which gives me comfort. She may go home on Friday, I don’t know about that. But I like her doctors. Monday was just bad, the shock of it all.

    You and Poco have a safe trip!

  129. 129.

    Mnemosyne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    @Aleta:

    I love parasols, but G won’t let me carry them in crowded places. I just got a really cool windproof umbrella that I’m using as a parasol — it doesn’t get whipped around in the wind and it’s double-layered, so it has extra sun protection. Hats just get too hot sometimes.

    @WaterGirl:

    I think you can usually borrow things for 21 days, but it depends on your library’s policies. If you have an Internet connection/browser on your iPod, you should be able to download directly to it from Overdrive. In fact, you should be able to go to your library’s website from the comfort of your own home and sign into Overdrive from your home computer using your library card.

    I know that Werebear used to swear by the Overdrive app, but I can’t read on the iPad (too much backlight) so I just have Overdrive send books directly to my Kindle.

  130. 130.

    Aleta

    July 18, 2017 at 11:47 pm

    If your room frig has a decent freezer, frozen oranges to the beach. Warm oranges are good against dehydration too.

  131. 131.

    Mnemosyne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    I have a waterproof pouch that holds my phone, cards, and a little cash that I can wear around my neck or on my wrist.

  132. 132.

    Sab

    July 18, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    @Quinerly: Do dogs get to use dog years to run for VP. Otherwise might be a while before Poco is 35.

  133. 133.

    pat

    July 18, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    Just arrived at this thread, but..

    WATER, lots and lots of WATER. Not “energy drinks”, not cola, PURE WATER, in a cooler if available. Drink liberally!

  134. 134.

    MoxieM

    July 18, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    Baking Soda for a tepid bath after you get fried to a deep lobster red. It’s very soothing. The Benadryl will also help if you encounter stinging jellies. A long-enough beach towel. And a sense of humor.

  135. 135.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    @Mnemosyne: My problem is that if I’m at the beach, I want to be in the water or at least walking in the water, it’s hard not to get things wet.

  136. 136.

    Mnemosyne

    July 18, 2017 at 11:58 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    The pouch I have is the one my friend at work recommended because she was able to take it snorkeling with no issues. I can’t remember the brand right now, though.

  137. 137.

    WaterGirl

    July 18, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    @Mnemosyne: ooh, that would be good. If you ever find out, let me know.

  138. 138.

    Aleta

    July 18, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    If someone gets exhaustion from dehydration or sweating or running, packets of Emergen-C work great to get the salt and electrolyte balancne back. After a long drive too.

    Like people already said above, if the sun does a number on you, staying inside during the middle of the day is worth it, keeps energy and spirits up so you can be fun later.

  139. 139.

    Mart

    July 19, 2017 at 12:08 am

    @Juju: We only used it that one time in the big city. I wish I had thought of leashing her up in the back yard. What a great idea!

  140. 140.

    Mel

    July 19, 2017 at 12:11 am

    A cooler for snacks / beverages for the drive and on the beach. Hydrate. Seriously. It’s really easy to lose a hell of a lot of liquid in this kind of heat.

    Also, even in a cooler, shelf-stable snacks are safest. Stuff like Dole fruit cups, shelf stable chocolate pudding, etc. work well and are easy to eat on the go as long as you have some plastic spoons.

    Pepto-Bismol in case of kiddie (or grown-up) gastrointestinal issues. You do NOT want to have to deal with a gnarly case of diahrrea at the beach.

    Small first aid kit with the basics: bandaids, salve, something to clean cuts snd scrapes, some aspirin, ibuprofen, tylenol, calamine lotion, etc.

    Hand sanitizer or skin sanitizing wipes are a must.

    Activity stuff (video games, etc) for the kids for the drive, and for use at the beach if they get tired /overheated and you need to take a cooling off break in a cafe or rest area.

    I second the suggestion to make sure that your roadside assistance service is up to date. Better safe than stranded, especially with loved ones on board.

  141. 141.

    Olivia

    July 19, 2017 at 12:11 am

    Have a fantastic time and don’t forget the C-PAP.

  142. 142.

    Quinerly

    July 19, 2017 at 12:18 am

    @Aleta:
    Love Emergen C. It’s on my Amazon list for trips out west. Altitude problems.

  143. 143.

    Quinerly

    July 19, 2017 at 12:26 am

    @Sab:
    He’s eight now. There is no birth certificate. Poco has several “lost years.” He was on the street for two years. Prior to that, he doesn’t want to talk about it….but he was housetrained before being homeless..Check with Baud! Is Poco the biggest problem with the Baud/Poco ticket? I really don’t see him as a liability.?

  144. 144.

    Sonoran

    July 19, 2017 at 12:35 am

    Consider a small folding tray table and a travel Scrabble game and a set of cup holders to keep your soda out of the sand. Wet wipes/tissues. Don’t worry about being completely prepared. If you are near a beach town you’ll be able to buy anything you forget. Have a great time!

  145. 145.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    July 19, 2017 at 12:39 am

    Do the kids have something to attach the tiles to? I have a tile on my YorkiePom’s collar(and my wallet, my camera, one in my car…).

    ETA: SPF9? You’ll need to go higher than that pale man. Usually I use SPF50.

  146. 146.

    seaboogie

    July 19, 2017 at 12:44 am

    Bring books. Maybe a “personal fan” like menopausal ladies use. Swim if you like that to cool off, refresh and get into a different headspace. I personally love it, and a bit of “avoir du poids” makes one more buoyant, so you won’t need water wings….(speaking from personal experience)…

  147. 147.

    Kitty

    July 19, 2017 at 12:50 am

    Beach umbrella is ESSENTIAL for spending time at the beach. It makes all the difference! I am 100% Irish and burn to a crisp. Also, invest in the auger-type sand anchor umbrella holder it makes set up easier.

  148. 148.

    jl

    July 19, 2017 at 1:08 am

    I predict, with great confidence, that anything that could be called ‘a tent like apparatus’ will cause trouble and malfunction in some hilarious but also hideous and very inconvenient way. So, read the instructions and exercise extreme caution.

    Hope Cole has a good first real vacation in years.

  149. 149.

    opiejeanne

    July 19, 2017 at 1:13 am

    @Quinerly: We’re Irish/Englush/French/Portuguese on Dad’s side, mostly English on Mom’s. I have no NA anywhere in my ancestry, despite arguments from family members who insist there is some Cherokee*, and that Portuguese gentleman had blue eyes and flaming red hair, so no help from him.

    *Why is it always Cherokee? One old duffer insisted that his great grandfather was listed as an escort of the Cherokees on the Trail of Tears. I had to explain that the Cherokees were not the ones doing the escorting.

  150. 150.

    frosty

    July 19, 2017 at 1:24 am

    @opiejeanne: The story in my Mississippi grandmother’s family wasn’t the usual “Cherokee princess”. It was “Choctaw, ain’t no Creek.”

    So apparently enthnicity and tribalism goes deeper than I thought.

  151. 151.

    opiejeanne

    July 19, 2017 at 1:27 am

    @seaboogie: It’s the salt water. The saltier the better you float, or so I’ve been told.

  152. 152.

    opiejeanne

    July 19, 2017 at 1:33 am

    @frosty: We just heard a lecture in Wyoming by an Arapaho (blanking on his name, Jordan something) who became a museum curator in order to re-start a museum on the Wind River Reservation. The two tribes that share this space are Shoshone and Arapaho and they still eye each other with mistrust.

    North of there, nobody likes the Crow because they assisted Custer.

  153. 153.

    otmar

    July 19, 2017 at 1:42 am

    Umbrella / something to have shade. I’d avoid baking in the sun giving your complexion.

    Something to do/read

    Keep the kids occupied and you’ll be happy

    Sand can be really hot

  154. 154.

    Another Scott

    July 19, 2017 at 2:43 am

    Light reflects off the water and the sand. Don’t think that you won’t get burned if you aren’t in direct sunlight.

    But really, after being in Eyerak, you probably know all this. :-)

    I managed to sunburn my ankles on my last beach day in Greece. It made the following week in the city very painful.

    Be careful, and have fun!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  155. 155.

    Grover Gardner

    July 19, 2017 at 2:50 am

    These things are great:

    https://www.amazon.com/Sport-Brella-Portable-All-Weather-Umbrella-Canopy/dp/B003DJ4FEM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500446803&sr=8-1&keywords=sport+umbrella

  156. 156.

    mskitty

    July 19, 2017 at 3:51 am

    Even better than aloe vera lotion is Aloe vera, the plant. Inch wide thick stems, FREEZE, cut open, apply. The cold is nice on a burn, too.
    You ever notice, if you’re really really thirsty, water tastes sweet?

  157. 157.

    ThresherK

    July 19, 2017 at 4:07 am

    Earplugs. I swear by the disposable Flents which are cylindrical and vaguely Caucasian beige. Three pair fit into one pill bottle and should last a week.

    Don’t know where you’re going but certainly others have told you there can be a big shot of extra sunlight with even a hundred miles move in latitude.

  158. 158.

    Ellen

    July 19, 2017 at 6:20 am

    If you rented a house, bring a good knife, the rentals never have one. A halfway decent outfit so that you can go out to dinner somewhere nice. That means a collared shirt, pants that are not jeans, and shoes that are not sneakers.

  159. 159.

    Ohio Mom

    July 19, 2017 at 7:17 am

    Skipping ahead — did someone suggest talcum powder? When you get to the car, rub it on your feet and the sand comes off.

    I am jealous. I love the beach but Ohio Dad and Son don’t.

  160. 160.

    Stardus614

    July 19, 2017 at 7:28 am

    Mustard.

  161. 161.

    Lee

    July 19, 2017 at 8:05 am

    Do NOT bring cotton t-shirts. Cotton is known as the ‘death cloth’ for people in hot environments. Go to your local Target or Wal-mart or online with Amazon and buy a bunch of cheap ‘dry fit’ t-shirts or workout shirts. You can probably find them with long sleeves to help with the sun-burn.

    I hate flipflops with the fire of a 1000 suns. Get some Tevas or something similar.

  162. 162.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    July 19, 2017 at 8:48 am

    This is probably too late for the thread, but …

    1) Cotton blend lounge pants or scrubs. My husband hates suntan lotion, so he wears these. He can go to the beach, to the store, to sleep.

    2) For games, Bocce Ball. All can play.

    3) Entrenching tool or similar small shovel. To dig holes for your umbrella, to set up the bocce ball court, to make a sandcastle, to dig a giant hole to bury someone, etc. etc. We carry one in our vehicles all the time.

  163. 163.

    Tommy 2 Times

    July 19, 2017 at 9:12 am

    Bring a football, baseball gloves and ball, lax ball and sticks, Kan Jam, frisbee, tennis ball, anything to keep active, especially with 2 boys.

  164. 164.

    TooTall

    July 19, 2017 at 9:21 am

    Solarcaine was a great idea above. Also aloe gel. The mix between the two is the aloe gel with lidocaine, because you will still get burned, because you will miss a spot, somewhere.
    First aid kit, because, well, this is Cole.
    Flashlights for walks on the beach @ night.
    Inside games for the kids, if it rains.
    Plastic Grocery bags: Why? Because the kids Must Have All of the Seashells. and Must Bring All of them Home.
    (And grocery bags are a good way to pack / separate wet swimsuits and towels for the trip home.)

  165. 165.

    glory b

    July 19, 2017 at 9:35 am

    Yeah, pants.
    Flip flops (almost the only place they’re appropriate at all times is on the beach.
    Some cool toy that the kids haven’t tried before, but not one that needs batteries and isn’t a great loss if it winds up in the water.

  166. 166.

    WaterGirl

    July 19, 2017 at 10:14 am

    Cole, if you’re like me and love to play cards, they make beach/water versions of cards that are plastic. I only know this because a friend bought me that version of Uno before my trip to the ocean about 10 years ago.

  167. 167.

    Uncle Cosmo

    July 19, 2017 at 11:42 am

    Just FTR, the ad that dug itself into the middle of this post on my screen was headlined

    Underwear Has Evolved

    Got me wondering if that was a message from doG to Cole. Non dimenticar, as we say in the old country…

  168. 168.

    JerryN

    July 19, 2017 at 12:01 pm

    Late to the thread, but a dropcloth / picnic blanket or 2 (something at least 6 or 7 feet square) in addition to the beach towels.

  169. 169.

    sherparick

    July 19, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    Yea, flip flops for the beach and several good books in your favorite genres. If it was me going to the beach: Classic rereading: “Bleak House” by Charles Dickens; Science Fiction: “The Collapsing Empire” by John Scalzi; History: “Iron Wind” Europe under Hitler by Peter Fritzsche; and general science and interest: “The Big Picture: On the Origins of Life, Meaning, and the Universe Itself by Sean Carroll. As a baseball nerd I would probably bring along Baseball Prospectus 2017.

  170. 170.

    VeniceRiley

    July 19, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Wait, what? You’re not taking a small drone to get a Chris Christie family at the beach homage shot?
    it’s like you don’t love us and cannot anticipate our desires, Mr. Cole.

  171. 171.

    Jamey

    July 19, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Tents/shelters on the beach are a total asshole play. Seriously.

    Go with umbrellas–purchase a second (or third) at Costco for $18, or better still, purchase in your destination town to pump a little extra $$ into the local economy.

  172. 172.

    RSR

    July 19, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    a bag you don’t mind getting wet and/or sandy to toss everything into
    small cooler/cooler bag for drinks, snacks
    maybe water shoes, but sandals/slides work well also for wading/watching the kids swim
    if you swim, and don’t like bright sun, tinted goggles are nice
    something to toss in the surf for/with the kids – football, Frisbee, etc (not all beaches allow this–I’m looking at you Ocean City, MD!)

    some advance recon on food/grocery shopping options can’t hurt if you’re not familiar with the area; also, too, options for non-beach days: mini golf, movies, bowling, etc

    And have fun!

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