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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Operation Summer Fun Has Commenced

Operation Summer Fun Has Commenced

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We made it, and with no emergencies, policemen friends, or any drama.

We’re staying in a neat little inn on the beach for the night and then moving into the house for the week tomorrow.

I learned last night that the military has completely scarred me for life. While discussing what time we would leave, ABC said she would like to leave sometime early, pour the kids in the car, and go. I believe we discussed around 3:30-4:30. I responded that since the last week has sort of been what I consider “soft” vacation because we weren’t really at the beach but just at my house and hers, that tomorrow (today) would be the actually start of “hard vacation,” so we should not be constricted by timetables and I said I will just wake up when I wake up and we can go then.

She looked at me like I am a crazy person. It made sense to me in my head.

At any rate, I woke up at 3:15, got dressed and everything loaded, and she told me I was “a machine” and that she thought we were just going whenever, but because she is a rock star she poured the kids into the backseat and off we went.

And now, we being a week of unregimented activities, becuse I am pretty sure if I try to schedule anything she will cut me and use me as chum. I am also sure she will be in the comments later correcting the record because I prolly mis-remembered everything and got half these stories wrong.

Reader Interactions

118Comments

  2. 2.

    scuffletuffle

    I would have cut you and used you for chum when you woke me at 3:15 to load the fucking car…

  3. 3.

    scuffletuffle

    I would have cut you snd used you for chum when you woke me at 3:15 to load the fucking car…

  7. 7.

    jl

    ” It made sense to me in my head. ”
    It always does, don’t it?

    Cole is way over-thinking the beach. Calm down.

    Edit: forgot to congratulate Cole on finally reaching the beach. It looks beautiful.

    Also forgot to say that, going by his version of it, traveling with Cole reminds me of traveling with my crabby grandma. Except when she was in charge of travel, whenever possible, she made sure to go to the main destination first asap, even if we were staying someplace else, so we would see the damn thing and people had no excuse to whine about ‘when will we get there?”.

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    she told me I was “a machine”

    At least she didn’t call you “German” again. Things are looking up.

  10. 10.

    Yarrow

    I don’t know where that is but it looks gorgeous and not overly crowded. Hope you guys have a great week. I can’t imagine waking up at 3:15 to go on vacation unless I had to catch a plane. The fact that she didn’t leave you wherever your mustard ended up definitely means she’s a badass.

  14. 14.

    schrodingers_cat

    @Major Major Major Major: The only time I have woken at 3.15, is when I was a grad student and had a paper to present in Boston and did not want to find a hotel room for a 1 day conference. Even that was insane, but that was my adviser’s brilliant idea. Will not do it again.

  18. 18.

    Wapiti

    Your story reminds me of an old Army recruiting ad, where the soldiers are jumping out of a plane just before dawn, then do a bunch of other activity. The ad closes with the soldiers getting their morning coffee, saying, “We do more before breakfast than most people do all day.”

  21. 21.

    No Drought No More

    Glad to hear you’ve arrived in one piece, Cole. That said, with your track record I won’t be surprised to hear an off-season hurricane has slammed that beach, and/or you’ve impaled a starfish in your foot that entails surgery to remove. Stay safe..

  24. 24.

    Aleta

    Now that I know about “hard vacation” and “soft vacation,” which I never did before, I hope it comes in useful. Because otherwise it will be another contaminant in my thinking.

  25. 25.

    Ruckus

    @Wapiti:
    His story reminds me of waking up in San Diego at navy boot camp, walking out the back door of the barracks and seeing the Marines next door, double timing it in full gear/back packs/11lb rifles at the ready over rough ground, about 2 miles from their barracks, and having the guy next to me complain about getting up at 6am.
    Yes getting up at 3:15 fucking am to go to on vacation is a bit much. I wake up between 3 and 4 most mornings, but I’m not stupid enough to actually get out of bed. At least not without rolling over and going back to sleep for 2 to 5 more hours.

  28. 28.

    Immanentize

    @Aleta: Here (near Boston) I think the distinction between “hard” and “soft” vacation is whether it is a (hard) vacation or (soft) stay-cation — meaning not working but not going anywhere but your own house to stay overnight. Then again, in the North of Boston world it might mean going to the place you own in Maine, or going to someplace else without relatives. (Of course, the Cape is largely reserved for those who live South of Boston….)

  30. 30.

    raven

    I read that a power line was cut on the outer banks and Ocracoke was evacuated and Hatteras is in bad shape.

    “A power outage on two remote barrier islands in North Carolina is expected to linger anywhere from a few days to a few weeks as crews work feverishly to repair a severed underground transmission line.

    About 9,000 homes on Hatteras and Ocracoke are in the dark after a construction crew building a new bridge accidentally cut the line Thursday, North Carolina Electric Cooperatives spokeswoman Kristie Aldridge said.”

  33. 33.

    eclare

    Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode, where it is not enough to get there, you have to make good time. Hope you relax and have a good time.

  34. 34.

    sam

    @No Drought No More:

    Glad to hear you’ve arrived in one piece, Cole. That said, with your track record I won’t be surprised to hear an off-season hurricane has slammed that beach, and/or you’ve impaled a starfish in your foot that entails surgery to remove. Stay safe..

    Don’t even joke. There’s an “off-season” nor’easter heading through the New York region tonight. (and yes, I know Cole’s not in NY, but weather’s being fucking weird)

  35. 35.

    raven

    @Jeffro: Fuck yes!

    Anthony Scaramucci, the White House’s potty-mouthed new communications director, has been dumped by his beautiful blond wife because of his “naked political ambition,” multiple sources exclusively tell Page Six.

  36. 36.

    TenguPhule

    I responded that since the last week has sort of been what I consider “soft” vacation because we weren’t really at the beach but just at my house and hers, that tomorrow (today) would be the actually start of “hard vacation,” so we should not be constricted by timetables and I said I will just wake up when I wake up and we can go then.

    She looked at me like I am a crazy person. It made sense to me in my head.

    A sleep deprived John Cole in action is indeed one of those things you have to just stop and stare at.

  38. 38.

    raven

    @sam:

    An unusual weather pattern for late July is taking shape and will bring a winter-like coastal storm, with the threat of flash flooding, to the mid-Atlantic and Northeast coasts this weekend and possibly into early next week, putting a damper on weekend beach plans.

    A strong upper-level trough, or southward dip in the jet stream, will move into the East this weekend with a cold front that will even push through much of the South, bringing cooler temperatures and lower dew points from the Midwest into the East and South.

  39. 39.

    Jeffro

    @raven: Once the media are done interviewing the “economically anxious”, perhaps they could start talking to Trumpov-supporting men, i.e., the “conjugally denied”. There’s more than just Mooch out there…

  40. 40.

    Patricia Kayden

    @dp: Hmmm mmmm. You have the same idea as me. Let’s all show up at that beach and surprise the hell out of Cole and ABC. Just joking. Hope he and the gang have a wonderful weekend. Looks like a beautiful place.

  42. 42.

    Mike J

    @Jeffro:

    Meanwhile…the Mooch’s wife has filed for divorce?!? Ouch!

    Yup

    Anthony Scaramucci, the White House’s potty-mouthed new communications director, has been dumped by his beautiful blond wife because of his “naked political ambition,” multiple sources exclusively tell Page Six.

    Deidre Ball, who worked as a vice president in investor relations for SkyBridge Capital, the firm he founded in 2005 and sold to ascend to the White House, has filed for divorce from “The Mooch” after three years of marriage after getting fed up with his ruthless quest to get close to President Trump, whom she despises.

    http://pagesix.com/2017/07/28/anthony-scaramuccis-wife-files-for-divorce/

  46. 46.

    Aleta

    I went to a wedding today. Outdoors in the noonday sun, and there were mad dogs and Englishmen present. Didn’t know if it was OK to joke about that. After the ceremony, there were trays of champagne in little cans with small straws. Before the ceremony, the processional music was the Star Wars opening, which worked surprisingly well, and the 4-year-old flower girl with the flowers on her head was 100% down with it.

  48. 48.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    Dolt 45 just announced John Kelly as COS. Man,the Russkies must have something really.bad on Kelly.

  54. 54.

    Gin & Tonic

    I’m trying to recall how many high-level firings and resignations there were in the first six months of 2009.

  56. 56.

    Immanentize

    @raven: Hmmm — Severed? Those underwater cables do not just break themselves. They are built to withstand ship hits….

  60. 60.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @MattF: Yeah, I was just checking other sites to see if there were any more details.

    @Immanentize: And now who is next in line to be selected as DHS Secretary? I’m guessing Ghouliani noun-verb-9/11 will be Trump’s choice.

  64. 64.

    lamh36

    ‪DA FUQ!!! It’s been no less than 2hrs since i checked my phone!!! Reince said deuces!!!???‬

  65. 65.

    Immanentize

    @O. Felix Culpa: How about the “tough” but ignorant of the law and the constitution Acting Head of ICE he just praised at his Nuremberg-on-the-Island speech to the Brown Shirts? That is who I have in the pool….

  67. 67.

    Ken

    @Immanentize: The reports said the construction company was driving steel casings to support a bridge. If the piledriver’s first blow didn’t cut the cable, well, it would keep going…

  69. 69.

    lamh36

    According to CNN Trump announced it on twitter and Reince is ON Air Force One!! Dude got fired via twitter!!!!!

  75. 75.

    O. Felix Culpa

    @Immanentize: @SiubhanDuinne: Both of them would be “perfect” candidates in bizarro Trumpworld.

    ETA: Trump is decompensating faster and faster. He’s flailing and lashing out and won’t end well. Might not even need Mueller to take him down at this rate – although I’ll take a twofer.

  76. 76.

    Immanentize

    @Ken: That right there is a good explanation!

    ETA — Don’t the have “Dig Safe” in North Carolina?!

  78. 78.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    @SiubhanDuinne: I don’t think so. Giuliani is caught up in some scandal. I can’t remember which one. I believe it’s one of the Russia related ones.

  79. 79.

    lurker dean

    @lurker dean: apparently kelly was a strong force behind ice becoming a bunch of immigrant-hunting nazis. great. it never ends with these assholes.

  80. 80.

    lamh36

    Damn MSM with the bullshit spin…come on now…so another FUQN reset…WHAT DA FUQ CAN HE DO TO GET MEDIA TO STOP CARRYING WATER FOR HIM

  81. 81.

    sukabi

    Question John. Why didn’t you load the car the night before? Nobody brushes their teeth @ 3:15 in the fucking morning…just get up at 6 and go.

  83. 83.

    Mike in NC

    @Gin & Tonic: Priebus finally fired and Mooch dumped by his wife. That’s some Grade A schadenfreude to savor over the weekend. Maybe the next deranged Trump tweet-stream will hint at bombing North Korea, since Mattis is supposed to be away on vacation.

  84. 84.

    Immanentize

    @lurker dean: And, he doesn’t at all understand the concept of civilian accountability or rule. He is an unreconstructed autocrat who hates being questioned. He is one dangerous person.

    That said, I could see some kind of brokered deal with some of Trump’s other cabinet secretaries — “Get your shit together or we all walk and talk. Take Kelly to help you.”

  85. 85.

    lamh36

    ok…now CNN saying Reince resigned yesterday…

    @funder
    #Breaking: Reince resigned yesterday-via @PrestonCNN

  87. 87.

    sukabi

    @lamh36: nothing. Not even if he had one of their very good friends shot on the WH lawn.

    They’d say he’d finally grown into the job.

  88. 88.

    Gin & Tonic

    Dave Weigel says Priebus was the shortest-serving WH CoS in US history.

    So much winning we’re tired of the winning.

  90. 90.

    Immanentize

    @Mai.naem.mobile: You don’t have to be a lawyer to be Attorney General, but I cannot imagine any non-lawyer being confirmed even in this Senate. Hell, there are plenty of Republican Hacks to fill the position who are members of the bar (said to report).

  91. 91.

    lurker dean

    @Immanentize: just who we need whispering into the orange idiot’s ears every day. as if the idiot encouraging police brutality today wasn’t bad enough.

  92. 92.

    Immanentize

    @Quinerly: I hope that Ivan is there too?
    In any case, I love Ocracoke and Hatteras. They are just beautiful. The lighthouse is amazing, the beaches in Hatteras are beautiful, and there are still those wild ponies! You must be having an excellent time!

  93. 93.

    Ken

    @Immanentize:

    Don’t the have “Dig Safe” in North Carolina?!

    I’m sure the company came by and spray-painted the ocean to mark the cable run.

  96. 96.

    Ken

    @Mike in NC: His last deranged twitter stream – well, one of the ones in the last few days – had a few people in the Pentagon worried he was announcing war with North Korea. It was the TS ban one, where he tweeted something like “I can no longer allow or tolerate” – stopped there, and waited nine minutes to finish the sentence.

    Personally I think someone grabbed the phone from him, and it took that long for the two of them to come up with something to cover for what he originally planned.

  97. 97.

    Quinerly

    @Immanentize:
    Ivan is fine. I forget sometimes that I have shared his beach travel stories. He stays in my mom’s old room mostly…laying on the bed in a eastern sunbeam in the AM. He started his special diet for renal/kidney problems. I think the trip has been good for him. Kitty John Lennon kinda bullies him over food…we’re going to figure out a separate room eating situation when we get back. Thanks for asking about him. He’s a special little kitty.

  99. 99.

    Immanentize

    @Ruckus: OOh, that reminds me of a very bad Teddy Kennedy joke — but it is in very bad taste, so I will save it for the day we meet….

  100. 100.

    Albatrossity

    Looks like Brunswick County, NC, just south of Wilmington. Maybe Ocean Isle? Very good looking beach, and I suspect a week there will do everyone a ton of good!

  101. 101.

    JanieM

    @Major Major Major Major:

    And 3:15? In the morning? Is that even a time?

    Seconded. I’m more likely to be going to bed at 3:15 than getting up. Where JC said “I believe we discussed around 3:30-400,” I thought he meant in the afternoon. ;-)

    But it looks like a great place — vacation inspiration!

  103. 103.

    Omnes Omnibus

    If you are leaving from Chicago or Milwaukee and heading west, there is little bit flat farmland until you get to the Badlands. It is not uncommon for people to get up early and pound west to get there the first day.

  104. 104.

    Mnemosyne

    Dang, 103 comments and we still haven’t gotten ABC’s side of the story. That’s probably a good sign that everyone is out having fun.

  105. 105.

    luigidaman

    My old man left at 3 am for every friggin’ vacation we ever went on.
    I do my best to leave by 9 or 10 am.

  106. 106.

    The Simp in the Suit

    @Mnemosyne: Well, when you’re ritualistically sharpening blades, time just slips away.

    Good luck, John Cole, and godspeed you on your path to glory!

  109. 109.

    geg6

    Looks like the Outer Banks, maybe. If so, a lovely place. Make sure to get some Frogmore Stew. Yum!

  110. 110.

    geg6

    @luigidaman:

    That was my childhood. Didn’t matter if we were going to Virginia Beach or Erie (only 2hours away), we left at 3 or 4 am.

  112. 112.

    mkd

    FYI, for those readers who are not familiar with travel south over the Wright Memorial Bridge to the Outer Banks of NC, the bridge is woefully inadequate to handle the volume of weekend traffic during the summer months. The rental houses of OBX flip largely on Saturday, but also some flip on Fridays and Sundays. Experienced travelers know to leave as early as is possible to avoid the 9 am to 3 pm backup that result in a beyond awful crawl of the traffic over the Bridge, which is only two lanes in each direction and has long been a source of discussion for widening or aided by a Mid Currituck County bridge crossing for the northern Banks communities. If Cole left at 3 am on a Friday morning from Western West Virginia, (or in my experience from Western Pa) he is acting on good information.

  117. 117.

    Aleta

    I got back from the part 2 of the wedding, the evening part. A lot of young (grad student or post-doc) physicists and astronomers and a couple of grad st biologists and post doc cancer researchers were dancing wildly to good music when I left. I felt better about the world. The cake was good; the drinks were great. Didn’t get enough dinner.

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