Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

This fight is for everything.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Not all heroes wear capes.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

We still have time to mess this up!

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / This is How I Roll

This is How I Roll

by | 155 Comments

This post is in: 

Everyone has their favorite beach activities. Some people like to surf or paddleboard. Others like to body surf or boogie board. Others like playing horseshoes or flying their kite. This is what I enjoy:

I like to sit in the chair in the water and do nothing. I’ve done more nothing in the past few days than in as long as I can remember. Sometimes for hours straight. I have to move every half hour or so, either in or out depending on the tide.

Now if my father is reading this he’ll probably say “Borseshit- you do nothing all the time.” Which simply is not true. He is conflating “doing nothing” and “accomplishing nothing.” I will fully admit that there are long stretches in which I accomplish nothing, and a solid bit of time where I actually make things worse. But I am still doing something and my head is racing or I am thinking about things or the like.

But here, I am doing nothing. And I like it.

Reader Interactions

155Comments

  5. 5.

    Phylllis

    I love nothing better than sitting on the beach just being quiet like that. One of the things we like best about Jekyll Island is that even in mid-July, it’s not the least bit crowded. Does limit the people-watching opportunities, but it’s worth it.

  6. 6.

    Nicole

    And then you reach that wonderful moment where time actually slows down for you. We all need some time to sit and do nothing. Glad you’re having a glorious vacation!

  7. 7.

    efgoldman

    Everyone has their favorite beach activities.

    Mine is never to get within miles of a beach

  11. 11.

    TriassicSands

    But, John, by writing this and posting it you have “done” something and, some might argue, even “accomplished” something. You’ll have to do better, or, at least, less.

  12. 12.

    MomSense

    I need to go to the beach. I live near sooo many gorgeous beaches and I haven’t been once this summer. SAD!

    Doing nothing sounds heavenly, John. Glad you are enjoying your vacation.

  13. 13.

    Patricia Kayden

    Enjoy doing nothing but relaxing by the beach. Looks like a nice way to spend some time, to be honest.

  14. 14.

    lamh36

    I’ve always said that when I go on vacation, I’m going to “escape” my daily grind. I’m not into “active” vacationing. I like a nice hotel, some great sites to see, a tour or more…and just knowing I’m far enough away that no one is expecting me to do shit!!

    Glad ur having a good time John.

  17. 17.

    TaMara (HFG)

    Beach time is meant for rest and recuperation. Maybe sailing if someone offers. But beyond that…nada. So I’m right there with you John.

    Now excuse me, my niece wants to hike another mountain. I need a nap.

  23. 23.

    FlyingToaster

    @Baud:

    Why this tag?

    It signifies all things domestic. Where have you been, under a rock?

    I haven’t been to the beach, but I sent WarriorGirl to the Aquarium camp, and she spent the night on a harbor island!

  25. 25.

    The Simp in the Suit

    Sitting at the shore like that is sort of like watching the weather channel all day. It’s calming because it never changes. But it’s always changing.

  27. 27.

    Thoughtful David

    @efgoldman:
    Same here. And I’ve actually got real life experience with living on the beach, living the “dream”. I lived for two years in a house on the beach (literally; high tide came to about 10 m behind the house) in the tropics. I didn’t seek it out; it just happened.
    And I hate the beach. Gorram sand. Gorram salt.
    My favorite vacation would be at place measured in light-seconds from the beach.

  28. 28.

    Felonius Monk

    @raven:

    It ain’t that hard to throw some bait out there.

    I’m sure Cole could throw the bait out there with no problem, but, given his proclivity for mis-adventure, he’d probably hook something that would drag him out sea – chair and all. Then we’d be concerned whether the Coast Guard could get there in time, especially given their current budget constraints. Better off for all of us if he just sits there quietly.

  30. 30.

    Steeplejack

    @John Cole:

    If it’s not a security issue, could you give us at least a rough idea of where on the Eastern Seaboard you are? The geography is so varied, it would be nice to at least get within 100 miles or so—psychologically speaking, of course. Plus you might get some good restaurant recommendations.

  36. 36.

    the Conster, la Citoyenne

    I’m with you John. Ever since great whites started appearing all over the Cape, this is as far as I’m willing to go anymore, and I was raised by a Nova Scotian. My North Dakota raised mother who never really did cotton to the ocean has taken over my psyche and the ocean’s edge is where I will remain. Sharks are going to have to come to my house to get me.

  39. 39.

    p.a.

    @TriassicSands:

    But, John, by writing this and posting it you have “done” something and, some might argue, even “accomplished” something. You’ll have to do better, or, at least, less.

    He’s been coasting since he registered Dem.

  41. 41.

    Suzanne

    @efgoldman:

    Mine is never to get within miles of a beach

    Oh, FEH. The Atlantic is awesome. It’s the ocean that doesn’t need to impress anybody because it’s awesome and it knows it. It is the Olenna Tyrell of oceans. The Pacific is the try-hard ocean…..constantly and slavishly trying to bowl you over with its blueness and its waves. Whatever.

    I grew up swimming in Long Island Sound and I am miraculously still alive.

  43. 43.

    NotMax

    Personal beach philosophy (YMMV):

    We left the ocean millions of years ago for a reason and I see no compelling reason to go back in.

  52. 52.

    kindness

    Man I’d at least go swimming some John. You don’t know how lucky you are. At least on the east coast you have warm water moving up the coast. Out here in N Cal that ocean water is coming down from the artic/Alaska. It took me a while of living out here but I finally bought 3/4 & full wet suits so I could swim. Now with the right suit on, I don’t care that the water is cold.

  55. 55.

    chris

    @MomSense:

    This year the water is especially cold.

    Not really, it just seems that way because the last few years have been so warm. In 2015 they were predicting awful things for the lobster fishers because the Gulf of Maine was 9 degrees warmer than normal. Last year I went bodysurfing at a place where before, even in August, the water would turn your toes blue in a couple minutes. This year, blue toes again. Maybe the Chinese hoax is having a well deserved rest after last year’s blowout summer…

  57. 57.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    Looks like a lot of fun! I loved the beach in LA last summer. Where is the blogfather at anyway?

  60. 60.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    That’s kind of what I look like at the beach too… except I’m not in the sun. I’m enjoying the shade under the umbrella. Sometimes I feel enough guilt pangs (an inner nag saying “you’re paying to be at the beach, do something beachy”) to get up, wade into the water, and get a little wet. Then I come back up to the umbrella, lay back down and zone out again.

    My wife is the ocean person. I’m the lake and river person. It’s just a difference in where we grew up and what kind of water was closest.

  61. 61.

    Mnemosyne

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Because, like me, he’s so pale-skinned that he could potentially burst into flames if the sun catches him wrong. I’ve gotten second-degree sunburns on the tops of my ears, so I no longer care what people think of my ridiculously concealing sunwear. ?

  63. 63.

    gene108

    @NotMax:

    We left the ocean millions of years ago for a reason and I see no compelling reason to go back in.

    And yet you live on an island, in the middle of the ocean, thousands of miles from land.

  65. 65.

    Spanky

    @debbie: @Iowa Old Lady: You can’t even see more than 10 feet of beach. That shot is straight out towards the sand bar, where the waves are breaking. There could be thousands of people on either side of the guy in the crazy hat, though probably not because of the creepy vibes and all. But back to the point, you can’t really see the beach.

  68. 68.

    Spanky

    Also too, now I’ve got an ad for “Plenty of Fish”, which is apparently a 40+ dating site. I blame raven.

  70. 70.

    Olivia

    @p.a.: When my kids were little, my husband took them fishing. They came home to clean the fish and brought them into the house. I loudly told them no fish cleaning in the house and get to that damn pail outside. My husband asked me why he couldn’t clean them inside and I told him that I hated it when they scream when you cut their heads off. My 3 kids shrieked in unison at the thought of the fish screaming and my husband didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day after they cried that they never wanted to go fishing again. I’m a horrible mother.

  72. 72.

    TenguPhule

    @Baud:

    John Cole Presents “This Fucking Old House”

    No offense, but John Cole is a fucking old house at this point.

    Exhibit A: His picture of him being beached.

  75. 75.

    TenguPhule

    @Olivia:

    My husband asked me why he couldn’t clean them inside and I told him that I hated it when they scream when you cut their heads off.

    Did you tell your kids there was no Santa Claus when they were hoping for presents too?

  76. 76.

    schrodingers_cat

    I have a funny fishing story, when I lived in ME, one of my neighbors was a Chinese couple, they would go fishing in the ocean. The husband was fond of my kittehs, so once he bought bosscat a fish that he had caught. Being a civilized kitteh, bosscat had no idea what to do with the fish, he ended dragging it all over our tiny apartment and playing with it. I ended up throwing it into the trash after hours of this treatment.

  78. 78.

    Spanky

    Never OT, Florida Man!

    A man from Florida wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat was arrested over the weekend after D.C. police said he beat three people near Dupont Circle during a heated argument over President Trump’s politics.

  79. 79.

    TenguPhule

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Next time I am in India I am planning a long beach vacation to Goa, relatives be damned.

    Wasn’t there an issue with salt water crocs over there?

  85. 85.

    HRA

    @Olivia: I am so glad I was not drinking anything when I read your story. That was a good one and something I would have done, too! :)

  87. 87.

    TenguPhule

    @Suzanne:

    The Atlantic is awesome. It’s the ocean that doesn’t need to impress anybody because it’s awesome and it knows it.

    Isn’t it also the one that kills you if you look at it sideways?

  91. 91.

    efgoldman

    @Patricia Kayden:

    Never been fishing but love to eat fish.

    Ditto. And we’re close enough to water that we CAN usually get really fresh seafood – just not from the big chain.
    There’s a small local chain that buys much of its seafood locally, straight off the boats.
    I tried fishing when i was an adolescent. Never even caught a perch or sunfish. Pah.

  92. 92.

    TenguPhule

    @gene108:

    And yet you live on an island, in the middle of the ocean, thousands of miles from land.

    To be fair, most of the popular beaches have become places you really don’t want to enter the water anymore.

  94. 94.

    efgoldman

    @Gin & Tonic:

    You live in the fucking Ocean State.

    I do. More than an hour from the ocean.
    I think I mentioned that there aren’t any really good seafood restaurants in this area.

  99. 99.

    TenguPhule

    @efgoldman:

    I think I mentioned that there aren’t any really good seafood restaurants in this area.

    You poor soul.

    Can we pass the hat around to get the man some grilled fish on a bed of saffron rice?

  101. 101.

    TenguPhule

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I think there’s, like, a billion people who would disagree.

    Most common form of death by drowning in our state happens when people look toward the shore and get surprised by rogue waves behind them.

  102. 102.

    Gin & Tonic

    @gene108: Part of it is. That’s why it’s called The State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. But that’s too long to fit on a license plate.

  103. 103.

    Mike in NC

    We have some very nice beaches, but this time of year they’re jam-packed with families from Ohio and Tennessee. After Labor Day we locals can reclaim them. Even in the ‘winter’ they’re pleasant to walk on or just sit and read a book.

  108. 108.

    efgoldman

    @TenguPhule:

    You poor soul.

    The point of eating out is EATING OUT, not cooking something at home you might order if you were eating out.

  109. 109.

    Mnemosyne

    @schrodingers_cat:

    As Julia Sweeney once said, my skin is genetically engineered for a rainy forest in Ireland (or a mountaintop in northern Italy), so I have pretty much zero melanin. A faint ecru color is my version of a suntan.

  110. 110.

    Mingobat f/k/a Karen in GA

    Three things I miss about New York — sarcasm, flat terrain (better for bicycling), and the ocean. I just need to win the lottery a few times and then I’m definitely moving back.

    Glad to see peace and contentment in your life, John.

  112. 112.

    Gin & Tonic

    @TenguPhule: He just doesn’t want to drive to where the good seafood restaurants are. They are, shockingly, down by the water.

  114. 114.

    PsiFighter37

    Being reported that Cheeto personally dictated Junior’s misleading statement about Russian adoptions. God, am I going to LOVE seeing his ass thrown in the slammer.

  116. 116.

    TenguPhule

    @PsiFighter37:

    God, am I going to LOVE seeing his ass thrown in the slammer.

    Yeah, if we only had a law enforcement agency that could do it.

  118. 118.

    efgoldman

    @Gin & Tonic:

    They are, shockingly, down by the water.

    Actually, I’m used to a lifetime in the near Western suburbs of Boston, where there’s some of everything easily available.
    We did drive down to Point Judith in June and had a terrific, fresh dinner. But an hour and a quarter drive each way is not my idea of a good time.
    Around here, whether it’s a sub/pizza place or elegant and expensive, you can find whatever you want as long as it’s Italian.

  120. 120.

    schrodingers_cat

    @Mnemosyne: The foundation I use changes from season to season, light in winter and medium in the summer. By the end of the winter I am dying to go outside in the sun. I love the sun but not necessarily the sweltering hot weather.

  121. 121.

    TenguPhule

    @Major Major Major Major: We get both, but the ones in the water are more common. The Pacific is deceptively friendly at the beach until it is not. Its something pounded into our heads and we still have locals who forget just once…..

  124. 124.

    JPL

    Twitter is reminding me that Trump talked about adoptions in another unreported meeting with Putin also. I think that someone leaked the story in order to force Trump to sign the sanction bill on his desk.

  125. 125.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @JPL: wasn’t that his second, late-reported conversation with Putin at the G20 dinner?

  127. 127.

    Gvg

    My favorite beach activity is walking in fall when no one is around, it’s a bit too cool and the wind blows whistling endlessly over the sand. The sand wind sound with waves is to me very soothing. I like to walk and dream think. People are back in school or work and too busy to crowd the beaches in fall and in Florida the temps are lovely. I can really unwind at that time of year. I used to take a week off after the semester start up busy period was past and go to the beach. Haven’t had time in years but have been wanting too. We have friends I can stay with. The lady who used to baby sit me 50 years ago is still my parents friend and live near the beach. I also remember fondly some beach cabin rentals in Florida and the Virgin Isles…

  129. 129.

    Mike J

    @TenguPhule:

    Isn’t it also the one that kills you if you look at it sideways?

    The ocean simply does not give a shit about you or anybody else. I’ve never heard an actual sailor talk all that “the ocean is a lady” bullshit.

  130. 130.

    Gin & Tonic

    @efgoldman: A lot of the newer, trendier places in PVD will always have some seafood, fresh and local, but in a varied menu. I’m talking about places like Birch, New Rivers, Gracie’s, Nick’s, Broadway Bistro, I can go on. Yes, I like to eat. Nick’s, for instance, always has locally sourced seafood of several kinds.

  134. 134.

    lamh36

    @JPL: ‘did ya see this?

    @washingtonpost
    Exclusive: President Trump personally dictated the misleading statement on Donald Trump Jr.’s meeting with Russians

  135. 135.

    TenguPhule

    @schrodingers_cat:

    How is the ocean surrounding Hawaii, is the water warm?

    Depends on the beach and the time of year.

    Its relatively warm compared to most other places, but still refreshingly cool.

    Or, just cold enough to be enjoyable and not enough to kill you.

  139. 139.

    Mnemosyne

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Chang and Eng Butler were the original famous conjoined “Siamese Twins.” (They married American sisters, which is why their last name was Butler.)

    Tidbit from Wikipedia that I didn’t know: they were born in Siam (now Thailand) to ethnically Chinese (and Chinese-Malay) parents, so they were known locally as the “Chinese twins.”

  140. 140.

    JPL

    @lamh36: Yup. I interrupted the vacay at comment 69. It does appear that the multiple conversations with Putin, helped frame the cover-up. I love Marty Baron of the Post, because he is willing to go after anyone for the truth.

  143. 143.

    Just One More Canuck

    @John Cole: He will be in 2020, and he’ll send Poco to pee on your leg

    Sitting here doing nothing keeps me busy all day

  144. 144.

    Just One More Canuck

    @Patricia Kayden: You don’t have to go camping to run into bears. A friend of mine in suburban Vancouver just sent me a video of a black bear in her back yard

  145. 145.

    Feebog

    Some of the best beaches in the world are in the Virgin Islands. One of my favorites is Spring bay in Virgin Gorda, BVI. Right next to the baths, which are huge boulders that form caves you can wander through. Also some great snorkeling.

  147. 147.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Just One More Canuck: A few years ago, my brother was pulling out of the driveway in the middle of a small city in central Wisconsin and saw a black bear just up the street. He called my s-i-l and said, “Honey, I wouldn’t let the kids play outside right now.”

  150. 150.

    Burnspbesq

    @MomSense:

    Careful where you go. One of my siblings lives in Gorham, and my FB feed was full of news stories this morning re human waste all over the place in OOB due to the lack of public toilets.

  152. 152.

    Richard Shindledecker

    I grew up on the bay of Maine so all water is warm to me – now I’m in North Carolina where the water actually is warm – strange and good for an old man.

  154. 154.

    dlw32

    Nothing is better on this earth than sitting on the beach watching the waves. If you can’t find peace doing that you either need therapy or are a different person than I am. :)

    Seriously, I love staring at the ocean. I’ll go in… in my younger days I’d body-surf in the waves… and I’ll bring a book (paper, not electronic… see I’m old)… but to recover from the madness that is my non-beach life… nothing beats just watching the waves.

Comments are closed.