Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

I would gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today.

Our messy unity will be our strength.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

A tremendous foreign policy asset… to all of our adversaries.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

We’re watching the self-immolation of the leading world power on a level unprecedented in human history.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

Republicans cannot even be trusted with their own money.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

At some point, the ability to learn is a factor of character, not IQ.

’Where will you hide, Roberts, the laws all being flat?’

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires Republicans to act in good faith.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / URGENT FUNDRAISER

URGENT FUNDRAISER

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I need to raise a quick 200k so I can buy a beach house. Paypal is to the right.

In all seriousness, I ma having a great time. Spent an hour at the beach, then an hour and a half skinnydipping in the house pool IN BROAD DAYLIGHT BECAUSE I AM ON VACATION AND FUCK YOU. Just picked up a bag of clams, some fresh shrimp, corn, tomatoes, and old bay seasoning and am going to take a nap and think about dinner.

I need to do this every year.

Reader Interactions

101Comments

  1. 1.

    misterpuff

    Don’t skimp on the Old Bay but make sure you have plenty of beer … its vacation.

  6. 6.

    BGinCHI

    I came over here quick when I saw the headline on twitter.

    I thought maybe Freddie deBoer had returned and was getting the brain transplant he so urgently needs.

  7. 7.

    TenguPhule

    I need to raise a quick 200k so I can buy a beach house.

    In 6 months, you’ll need the 200K to buy a loaf of bread.

  10. 10.

    TenguPhule

    then an hour and a half skinnydipping in the house pool IN BROAD DAYLIGHT BECAUSE I AM ON VACATION AND FUCK YOU.

    Thankfully no pictures so it didn’t happen.

  11. 11.

    Olivia

    Vacations are the best, especially the ones where you really relax. I am so happy for you that you are having a great time and that you have someone in your life who is teaching you how to have a great time.

  12. 12.

    The Moar You Know

    You’ll kill me: I’ve never lived more than 3 miles from the beach in my entire life (save as a toddler) and most of it within a mile. It’s pretty awesome. Not my fault – my parents picked this town out and a damn fine job they did of it. Staying was hard (it’s expensive as hell here, and you don’t want to rent, you gotta buy or you’ll be priced out one day) and required me forgoing some things y’all take for granted, like having kids.

    You do get used to it, take it for granted, but all I’ve got to do is go somewhere that doesn’t have an ocean and within a week or so I start feeling very panicky. Something about having all that uninhabited space right next to you 24/7 does mess with your brain more than a little, in a good way.

    Where does $200K buy a beach house? That sounds awesome.

    @Suzanne: Damn good question. Can’t even do that in Baja. ANYWHERE in Baja. Where’s John at? Going rate in my hood for an actual “on the beach” house is well north of 3 million.

  13. 13.

    eclare

    Does anyone know where, as in what beach, John is? Still can’t believe the pictures with no crowds. Assume somewhere on the Atlantic.

  17. 17.

    Yarrow

    Glad you’re having a good time. It sounds amazing. Pretty sure I’ll never have a vacation again, so glad someone else is enjoying one.

  21. 21.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    @eclare: The reference to Old Bay Seasoning and the picture a couple of days ago of a Blue Crab, a species I thought native to the Chesapeake Bay, makes me suspect he’s somewhere in the beach region I’m most familiar with: the Delmarva Peninsula, the chunk of land on the Atlantic composed of pieces of Delaware, Maryland and Virginia.

    Why do I suddenly feel like I’m playing “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?”

  23. 23.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: Side note to Alain: today is apparently one of those days when I’m not allowed to edit my own comments.

    Was going to add that beach houses in that region are huge oversized monstrosities, and 200K would probably pay for the garage. Or maybe the taxes.

  26. 26.

    eclare

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: I just didn’t realize it was so pretty. Haven’t been to the beach in a while, but most people from Memphis head somewhere on the Florida Gulf Coast, which is gorgeous in places, but extremely “stake out your spot first thing in the morning and don’t move” crowded.

  28. 28.

    dmsilev

    @Suzanne:

    Where does $200K buy a beach house? That sounds awesome.

    Nebraska. Wait long enough and it will be beachfront.

  29. 29.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I think it’s snark because he accidentally got mad about something the Possum Queen said thinking it was St. Sanders.

    That’s what the Twitter timeline seems to indicate, anyway.

  30. 30.

    David Fud

    @BGinCHI: You joke, but he has written about his manic/depression problem. Might want to cut him some slack. I doubt many of the jackals here, myself included, is the tippy top of mental stability.

  34. 34.

    Mnemosyne

    @David Fud:

    I know plenty of people who manage to cope with bipolar disorder without being rampaging assholes. Several of them are on this very website.

  35. 35.

    Msb

    So glad you’re having s great time. Keep applying sun cream/block. Last time I was at the beach I had to wear an ankle-length, log-sleeved kaftan by the second day. Plus hat.

  36. 36.

    Barbara

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym: Andrew Sullivan used to do a weekly contest of asking readers to identify the location of a photograph “from my window” (based on pictures submitted by readers). Within a week, someone had almost always identified not just the city, but the block and sometimes even the exact window from which it was taken.

  38. 38.

    gvg

    Heh, I would recommend you stick to renting. cheaper and less hassle. You know how stressed you have been about all the repairs to your new home? Beach houses have insurance threats because of hurricanes plus the nutty legislators are always screwing around with the FEMA insurance funds. If I was going to LIVE at the beach, i’d make sure i was a few blocks away so i could walk to the beach but other houses would get the direct hits of storms. It’s also not as fun in winter.
    One of my families best vacations ever was driving down AIA till we found a nice looking town and checking out the for rent signs. Whole family including grandma for a week. There was a hurricane that passed by off shore which whipped up the waves and made the salt foam build up in the title pools till it piled up over a foot deep which was awsome for kids (me). If you kick a pile of foam. it breaks apart and rolls down the beach in the wind in smaller balls that roll over and collect sand on the outside till all the bubbles finally pop. the storm made more tidal pools than usual and we found all kinds of sea life including purple starfish and weird different seaweed.
    Another great one was renting a cabin on the beach in the Virgin Islands (i think it was a National park) had to take a boat there and stayed for a week. bought food at a local store, had hummingbirds nesting outside the front door so we used the back. Learned to snorkle (13) and saw stingrays hiding in the sand right under me. heard parrot fish eating the reef. It was great.

  40. 40.

    NotMax

    Well, that explains the outage on Google Earth.

    Used to know a family of six; five of them were acutely allergic to Old Bay seasoning.

    Teach the kids now the valuable life lesson that when cooking clams in the shell, any that don’t end up smiling at you are to be discarded.

  41. 41.

    raven

    @gvg: Think about al the people that have rentals on the Outer Banks and are on a razor thin margin. They may not get power back for another week and a half and this is peak season for them. There may be some foreclosures to be had.

  43. 43.

    The Moar You Know

    I know plenty of people who manage to cope with bipolar disorder without being rampaging assholes. Several of them are on this very website.

    @Mnemosyne: Or conversely, are on this very website, don’t have bipolar but ARE rampaging assholes. Like me.

    Life is full of little mysteries.

  45. 45.

    eclare

    @Barbara: I really enjoyed that feature, and the detective work was amazing (picture taken from the fourth floor of Timbuktu hotel in Mali, probably room 502….)

  48. 48.

    Mnemosyne

    Also, too, the headline made me assume that Cole and/or the boys had managed to find a rescue animal of some kind. But they have a few more days for that.

  49. 49.

    p.a.

    Well the wide shots, clear day didn’t show Lawn Guyland (I stole that) so not Conn? No tankers so not NJ? Didn’t seem to be crowds: Old Man Kelsey’s Ocean?

  50. 50.

    eclare

    @raven: Also I think some people who have homes there pretty much expect to be (literally) under water in twenty years or so.

  51. 51.

    The Dangerman

    @BGinCHI:

    A beach house for 200K?

    My first reaction, too. I’m presently just north of Santa Barbara where that would get you enough acreage to place a Yurt. A very small Yurt. Next to the freeway and the dump.

  52. 52.

    Van Buren

    There are plenty of places on the Outer Banks where people seem to be strangely lacking

  53. 53.

    TenguPhule

    @NotMax:

    Teach the kids now the valuable life lesson that when cooking clams in the shell, any that don’t end up smiling at you are to be discarded.

    And then the kids freak out and start asking where their faces are.

    Maybe show them Disney’s Alice in Wonderland to completely throw them off clams for life?

  55. 55.

    Mnemosyne

    This is making me look forward even more to my mid-September writer’s retreat in Lake Arrowhead. As far as I can tell, the daily schedule will be:

    Breakfast
    Write
    Lunch
    Write
    Cocktails
    Dinner
    Write

    Plus we’ll be right on the lake in the middle of the San Bernardino National Forest (IIRC), so lots of gorgeous hikes, too.

  60. 60.

    Major Major Major Major

    @David Fud:

    You joke, but he has written about his manic/depression problem. Might want to cut him some slack. I doubt many of the jackals here, myself included, is the tippy top of mental stability.

    I don’t think the comment was about Freddie’s mental stability, so much as the fact that he’s a simpering shitweasel and not anywhere near the intellectual giant he thinks he is.

  61. 61.

    Mnemosyne

    @BGinCHI:

    I managed to just squeak in as the last person of the 15 allowed. Plus they let me register a couple days late since I got back from Chicago on the last day to register.

    It ain’t cheap, but it’s through UCLA Extension’s Writer’s Program, which is excellent. I used to take classes with them when I lived a lot closer.

    I also had a very successful Camp NaNoWriMo, in that I managed to write all but 3 days and my goal was to write every day. Now I need to keep that up until it becomes a daily habit.

    Are you back in Chi-town? Have you checked out the American Writer’s Museum near the Art Institute? We wanted to check it out, but we didn’t have time.

  63. 63.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    @Mnemosyne: I hear there’s a lake nearby as well.

    ETA: Madame and the kid went up to a resort up there for a mother/daughter trip a few years ago, all I got was the cup I’m presently drinking my Diet Coke from.

  64. 64.

    NotMax

    @raven

    Strictly entrez nous, plumbers returned Monday for day two of crew work as promised. 10 hours later, job finished.

    They packed the underground runs of pipe in sand before burial. Although I ken why it is so, still find it humorous that they have to pay for sacks of sand in Hawaii.

  65. 65.

    TenguPhule

    @Mnemosyne: I meant it in good fun. Gods only know how much longer we’ll get to laugh with what’s coming in the next few months.

  66. 66.

    BGinCHI

    @Mnemosyne: Been back for a year. Other than the state budget insanity (fuck you, Bruce Rauner) and the Trump shitshow, it’s been terrific to be back. I missed the city, warts and all. Plus, we bought a terrific bungalow.

    Haven’t been yet, even though I got a nice invite to the opening soiree. Have you?

    All the best with the writing. Arrowhead is wonderful. Reach out to me if I can be of any help. My second novel is out on submission now so I hope it finds a good home.

  68. 68.

    OldDave

    Just picked up a bag of clams

    I hope to hell and gone you remembered to put your pants back on first.

  69. 69.

    Mnemosyne

    @BGinCHI:

    One of my work friends went when she was in the city for ALA and said it was pretty neat. We wanted to go, but we were in the city during a major thunderstorm and didn’t want to leave the Field Museum and their beer.

    @TenguPhule:

    I’m just sayin’ — if you want to read The American Duke in beta, you’ll have to behave yourself. ?

  71. 71.

    NotMax

    Vacation tip #9347:

    Hot tubs are not to be used to prepare New England boiled dinners.

  72. 72.

    BGinCHI

    @Mnemosyne: Ha! The Field does have good beer! That’s such a nice little cafe area they have now. I think it’s designed as a reward for parents after chasing kids around there.

  73. 73.

    randy khan

    @dr. bloor:

    That.would.be.awesome.

    Apropos of some comments above, we just came back from a trip to Cape May, New Jersey, where we have a little place, and (a) if you grew up going to the Shore (capitalized because I’m from Jersey, thank you), it’s almost always your happy place, so I completely get how Cole is feeling; and (b) pricing of houses in resort towns is highly location dependent – the big ones overlooking the ocean are $1 million or much more, but go even two or three blocks in or get away from the center of town and the price drops precipitously. I always look at the real estate flyers when we’re there for no good reason, and it’s really obvious how much location matters. There are places within walking distance of the beach in Cape May that are priced in the $200s.

  74. 74.

    TenguPhule

    @Mnemosyne:

    I’m just sayin’ — if you want to read The American Duke in beta, you’ll have to behave yourself.

    You should be aware that I am a nitpicker socialist when it comes to spelling, grammer and phrasing.

    Just to give fair warning.

  75. 75.

    cleek

    @Barbara:
    i tried, based on Cole’s first beach pic.

    using Google satellite view, i searched the Atlantic coast from VA Beach to Myrtle Beach, looking for a pier that ends without a big observation platform, then looking for a house with a certain kind of boardwalk out to the beach.

    that’s how i came up with Carolina Beach, NC.

    don’t know if it’s right. i assume not.

    but there aren’t a lot of piers like that on the mid-Atlantic coast (most end with a big deck); and of those, there aren’t many with houses to the left; and of those, there’s only one with that particular boardwalk.

    friends of mine have a beach house about a block from there, we stayed there a couple months back. people camp on the beach, just past the houses.

  77. 77.

    Mnemosyne

    @TenguPhule:

    I was an award-winning copy editor in college and still do it at my day job, so no worries there. If I put a comma in a sentence, that’s where I meant for it to be.

  78. 78.

    Major Major Major Major

    @Mnemosyne:

    If I put a comma in a sentence, that’s where I meant for it to be.

    I mean, unless it’s not. Books have a lot of sentences. I’m pretty sure every novel I’ve ever read had a typo, except for the classics.

    @Mnemosyne: You’re basically guaranteed to end up with a typo in a sentence like that!

  80. 80.

    TenguPhule

    @Mnemosyne:

    If I put a comma in a sentence, that’s where I meant for it to be.

    Do you have any idea how much fun you’ve opened yourself up to with that line?

  82. 82.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I admit, I’m kind of playing off Lewis Carroll:

    “When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”

    But, yes, I’m sure there will be at least a few typos. But still fewer than average. ?

  83. 83.

    The Pale Scot

    Welcome to the Ancient Order of Landbound Manatees, you can pick up your grass skirt at the Tiki Bar.

    And where is John exactly? 200 Gs for a beach house in the NE? That might cover the down payment if your credit is spotless

  85. 85.

    DCrefugee

    I need to do this every year.

    Move yer happy ass to Florida like I did and you can do it every *day*…

  86. 86.

    NotMax

    @TenguPhule

    Presumed both sentences were a stab at parody.

    Commas are to writing what saffron is to cooking.

    @Mnemosyne

    I admit, I’m kind of playing off Lewis Carroll:

    Oy, vey [sic].

    ;)

  88. 88.

    feebog

    Just picked up a bag of clams, some fresh shrimp, corn, tomatoes, and old bay seasoning and am going to take a nap and think about dinner.

    What, no mustard?

  89. 89.

    No Drought No More

    The Trumps of the world will come, and the Trumps of the world will go, but that beach will be there waiting for you every day for the rest of your life.

    Why, I can even picture a Viking funeral, and it looks awesome..

  91. 91.

    The Simp in the Suit

    Just to be clear, you put clothes back on before you went out to buy all that stuff. And the Old Bay is season (dry red powder), not Bay Rum aftershave cologne (wet). Don’t mix them up.

  93. 93.

    eemom

    Cole, you are SO CUTE when you’re happy. ❤️

    I also want a beach house, desperately.

  95. 95.

    gratuitous

    Prediction for Cole’s next post: “Ahhhh! I’m dying from this sunburn in a place I never knew I had before! Ahhhhh!”

  96. 96.

    TenguPhule

    @No Drought No More:

    The Trumps of the world will come, and the Trumps of the world will go, but that beach will be there waiting for you every day for the rest of your life.

    Trump’s man at the EPA may have something to say about that.

  97. 97.

    J R in WV

    I haven’t scanned the comments yet, so I’m just guessing I’m not the first to say $200K is about a down payment on a beach house. You need to pick up a free real estate flyer next time you go out for provisions, and take a look at purchasing.

    I have friends who have a steady commitment for the same beach house, same week, every year. It’s not fancy, one block from the sandy beach, cheerful paint job, we’ve been a couple of times with them. Very nice. But they just rent it every year.

  99. 99.

    Calming Influence

    Just tried to make a donation, but for some reason PayPal doesn’t recognize Bags O’Dicks as a legitimate currency. Sorry!

    Hope you are able to enjoy your vacation even if you don’t have your own beach house ?

  101. 101.

    Jamey

    Plenty of nice beach bungalows in that price range in a peaceful NJ town that’s protected on the oceanside by a public nonprofit natural coastal fortifications (bka dunes) conservatory, and on the bayside by berms and newly-reinforced bulkheads.

    Untouched by Sandy.

    Anyone who’s interested can give me an email address. I am NOT a realtor, nor am I even remotely interested in anything other than having nice neighbors–and possibly making part of deep red Ocean County a bit bluer.

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