I know there’s a series of acute global and national crises brewing. There’s climate change, which may have flung hurricanes and typhoons across the oceans like so many martial arts stars targeting our vulnerable coastlines. And the quickening investigation into the role a foreign power played in installing a racist, sexist, xenophobic demagogue in the Oval Office. And federal agencies repackaged as force-multipliers for rogue police departments and out-of-control border protection units. And smarmy liars trying to gut healthcare and social services to further enrich obscenely wealthy plutocrats. And our escalating showdown with the planet’s other nuclear-armed narcissist with a fondness for nepotism, military parades, sycophancy and preposterous hairdos.
To all that, I say, “Blaarrrgh!” Not because it’s not important. Not because I don’t care. But rather because, like the sole remaining team member in a dodge-ball match, I don’t know how to avoid the blows, so I’m curling up in the fetal position. This post is a pixelated manifestation of that phenomenon.
Instead of worrying about these grave crises, I want to know who is trying to shove green peas down our throats. Is there a Pea Council? A Green Pea Growers Association? Because some cabal is pushing peas, and they’ve infiltrated the highest levels of our media organizations and social media platforms.
The first salvo was The New York Times’ unconscionable suggestion that we put green peas in guacamole a couple of years ago, but that was just the beginning:
Add green peas to your guacamole. Trust us. http://t.co/7imMY9c2ph pic.twitter.com/oeOMt2qgmh
— The New York Times (@nytimes) July 1, 2015
“Trust us?” How about “fuck no!” Suddenly the food section had become as unreliable as the political coverage. Thankfully, we still had President Obama to protect us back then:
respect the nyt, but not buying peas in guac. onions, garlic, hot peppers. classic. https://t.co/MEEI8QHH1V
— President Obama (@POTUS44) July 1, 2015
And after that high-profile beat-down, the pea pushers kept a lower profile, but they haven’t stopped. For years now, I’ve stood by helplessly as peas crop up in the most unlikely recipes. I was just looking up ingredients for green goddess salad dressing, and damned if there wasn’t a video ad adjacent suggesting that green peas should be pureed and used to make a sauce for seared sea scallops. As fucking if.
I’ve got nothing against green peas. They have their place, which is alongside carrots, in soups, in a monoculture side dish and even smushed up with mint and served with fish and chips by the more tradition-minded purveyors.
But this business of adding peas to anything green or pretending that they are on the same culinary plane as butter, olive oil, scallions or garlic has to fucking stop.
Please feel free to discuss weightier matters, such as Trump’s wack U.N. speech. I’ll be over here trying not to visualize whirled peas.
“It was my idea to put peas in the cassoulet!” Simone Beck.
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH A
Peas in guacamole violates Mendel’s Law of Segregation.
Fresh green peas are pretty good.
You know who adds peas to guacamole – restaurants that are too cheap to pay for avocados!
Green peas in guacamole would be an abomination. End of story.
I love peas, but not in my guacamole.
If you don’t like peas, you won’t like Jacques Pepin’s cooking shows. And virtually everything he makes appears delicious.
Having grown up being forced to eat CANNED peas, I was reluctant to try fresh peas. But I do love them. I agree that they have their place, served steamed with little pearl onions or tossed into a fresh salad. Not in guacamole, nope.
Personally, I’m glad to see a gradual reduction in kale promotion. I tried it in various forms and didn’t like a single one. And don’t come to scold me, I ain’t eating it or drinking it as a shake.
Thanks, Betty, for a step back from the edge of abyss of doom I feel we’re standing on. I’ve read some of Trump’s address to the UN and it’s an embarrassment. I’d rather have a fresh salad, hold the kale and add fresh peas.
I hate peas. Always have.
“Rosebud frozen peas. Made with country goodness and green peaness.”
The first time I ever heard this was on a cooking show for lower calorie recipes. I thought about it, but then went, ‘ NAH’.
It seems that apples are the new peas.
The Moar You Know
@Nancy: I grew up in the land of avocado: Southern California. I feel pretty confident in maintaining that anyone who adds peas to guacamole is going straight to hell.
Don’t like cooked Kale.
It will never be on a plate with cornbread like mustards, turnips and collards.
But, I have gotten used to it with fresh spinach in salads.
Kale and roasted sweet potatoes in a salad is pretty good.
Just One More Canuck
Earlier this year, there was a boomlet on twitter and facebook for peas and mayo on pizza. This brought together two groups which usually find no common ground – pro-pineapple-on-pizza people and anti-pineapple on pizza people, who came together to condemn this abomination.
Smushy peas served with fish and chips is a culinary atrocity.
Mom always bought Le Sueur peas, and they are so good. I don’t understand eating any other type. I’ve tried the others – not food. Speaking of not food, I heard the best description of black salt: “food grade pumice”. :-D
Senate investigating committee’s questioning of Michael Cohen postponed because Cohen violated their agreement not to discuss the investigation. Cohen looks like he was working the dunk tank before a few spins on the Tilt A Whirl. Pissing off the committee on the heels of news of Manafort’s indictment is the kind of dumb move to expect from the twitler brigade.
“Peas in guacamole” definitely sounds like a fast one. Reminds me of a recipe for ‘egg salad’ that used tofu as a substitute. Was one of those “and you can’t tell the difference”. Uh, yeah, you can.
I eat my peas with honey
I’ve done it all my life
they do taste kinda funny
but it keeps them on my knife
I’m objectively anti-kale. Science has had five years to make that shit taste good, or at least taste, and has failed. And I live 20 minutes from U.C. Davis so in a geographical position to know if such a breakthrough had occurred.
@Shell: coq au vin, not cassoulet
@Shell: This recipe for chicken, chorizo and rice is amazing. The peas make it sublime.
@rikyrah: I love kale. I eat baby kale in salad, and I eat “adult” kale in salads after giving it a little olive oil “massage.” It has a milder flavor than spinach. I almost never cook it any more, although it is good when it is mixed Tuscany style canellini beans.
As for peas in guacamole — I am not the world’s biggest guacamole fan, but I think green peas are too starchy, not creamy enough to add to guacamole. I also think the flavors would clash. Although both are mild, peas are sweet and avocados are not, and go way better with spicy additions, which are awful with peas. So, yeah, no, would not add peas to guac.
Why are they called “green peas?” Why not just peas? I know there are chick peas and black eyed peas, but I would think most people hearing “peas” would think of the little green orbs. Would others think of black eyed peas first? Not gonna count responses from Fergie or Will.i.am
Big Ole Hound
Modern “foodies” will do anything to make folks think a revolution in food has taken place. As a transplanted Californian I say guac is guac.
Every canned vegetable tastes like every other canned vegetable–watery, salty mush. Frozen vegetables were a source of wonder when mom first started buying them; whoa, these things taste?!?
Tilda Swintons Bald Cap
NYT, everything they print is garbage. This is just another example.
Major Major Major Major
@donnah: I’ve only ever liked kale when I could only barely tell it was kale. Nasty stuff. Any leaf that I only like after it’s been beaten with a hammer has no place in a salad.
I personally love fresh peas from the garden, preferably in a salad with baby greens, fresh chervil, and thinly sliced red onions or nibbled while shelling them on the porch with your family.
I’ve never added them to guac. Why would you? Guac is perfect as it is.
Holy shit. He’s such a dangerous lunatic.
It was the FTNYFT that said Minnesota’s Thanksgiving tradition was “grape salad.” Then entire state said “What?” Never gave a shit about what they said after that. Too bad, I like Mark Bittman…
@debit: Yum. Thank you. Saved it.
OT: Wishing all the best to your mom, and please keep us updated. My dad had non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for 22 or so years — from the late 1960s to 1990. Even back then, he said his oncologist told him patients frequently died of something else.
I’m thinking they’ve made good progress in treatments since, and may your mother’s illness be only an obstacle, and maybe even curable.
Trump’s speech translated into Korean: “Better kick that nuke and missile program into high gear.”
@JCJ: Green peas are unripe peas. Peas are yellow when ripe.
Major Major Major Major
The NYT’s food trend pieces have always been bullshit, just like the rest of their trend pieces. A lot of their straight recipes are good though, especially their chocolate chip cookies!
@JCJ: and of course chick peas is just a marketing term for garbanzo beans.
The best dish with peas. And no peas in guac. Kale tastes like something you would feed barn animals. I don’t get the kale craze for that matter I don’t most of the trendy foods that hit us like hurricanes on a yearly basis.
@Major Major Major Major: No wonder we get along.
Huh. Never knew that.
He was midway through when I turned the radio on and it seemed like a litany of “countries whose asses I’d like to kick, I just can’t decide the order.” His shouty delivery is especially inappropriate for an international audience with zero MAGA hats in the room.
I like kale. I also like broccoli (and the leaves!), cauliflower, turnip, mustard and collard greens. Cabbage any way I can get it – from cole slaw to sauerkraut.
I guess I’m just Brassica’s bitch…
Major Major Major Major
@schrodingers_cat: food trends are dumb, the worst is when a food you already like becomes trendy, it rarely does the cuisine any favors.
I fully enjoyed Sheldon Whitehouse telling Sarah Huckleberry to STFU. And I love the thought of,her being indicted as well.
Peas are like peaches: wonderful fresh, increasingly vile the longer they’re preserved.
Top pea dish in my universe were mashed avec lots of butter served at Domaine Chandon, not for calorie counters. Otherwise, young whole pods fresh off the vine are quite amazing, and a relatively short season. One of a few things one can grow during winter in these parts and as a legume, good for the soil.
I found the US Dry Pea and Lentil Council, which promotes use of said items. https://www.usapulses.org/ There apparently is a US Pea and Lentil Trade Association, too. https://www.uspltaevent.com/
Me too, brother. Except for split pea soup. I quite like the flavour, but the texture of peas makes me gag.
@yam: Some peas are yellow when ripe. Over the years green split peas (the stuff they make soup and mushy peas with) have become more popular because people expect peas to be green. Yellow split peas are now more of a specialty product. (former farm reporter in the middle of the legume capital of the world here)
@Elizabelle: Unless you actually prefer chicken thighs, feel free to use breasts (which is what I do).
Thanks! As I said in the thread below, we think they caught it early, and she’s in great health otherwise so I’m trying to stay positive.
My father once tried to convince me that adding some cabbage when I made corned beef hash would add an extra “zing” or some such. I think he was being sincere — none of that Rocket Raccoon “I need that guy’s leg” shit — so I tried it.
My father was a pretty decent cook/foodie — he was making pesto 10 or 20 years before it caught on, for example — but he was totally worng about the cabbage thing.
I no longer have nightmares about it, fortunately.
Like mashing up cauliflower and trying to pass it off as mashed potatoes. Just no.
Cauliflower is fine on its own, but let’s not pretend one kind of food is another kind of food when clearly it is not.
Kale is bullshit. I maintain that a leaf that until recently was used exclusively as garnish cannot be promoted to a “superfood” in a single bound. Leaves that need to be massaged before eating need to be left.
And the peas in guacamole was a test by the NYT to see just how much tripe about Trump Glenn and Maggie could serve us before we rebelled.
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
@trollhattan: I actually enjoy canned green beans. I like to eat them right out of the can. And I love green bean casserole with mushroom soup and fried onions. I don’t know why but I can eat mass quantities of that stuff.
As for peas in guacamole: I think the best recipe for that is similar to the best dry martini: pour gin into the glass, then drink it while looking at a picture of a bottle of vermouth.
Arrrgggghhhhh! Make it stop!!!!!
I blame Big Pea. Their power over American society has long been ignored.
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:
Some years ago, Mrs LC and I developed the habit of eating things over diced cauliflower where we would once have used rice, as part of a low-carb thing.
It turns out, in one of life’s pleasant surprises, that if you add some peas to the cauliflower (after dicing: the peas are intact) the substrate has a much less bland flavor and texture.
@donnah: Best use I have for kale is any soup that calls for spinach Kale actually makes a pretty good substitute for; unless it’s a creamed one but I don’t do those. I generally prefer it to spinach in that case.
Major Major Major Major
@justawriter: there’s a restaurant by me that specializes in blue pea dishes.
@SiubhanDuinne: That’s better than cauliflower pizza. As in using cauliflower instead of pizza dough.
@yam: Fear not, Mark Bittman left the NYT to work for a vegan food shipping service (Purple Carrot) and is currently a fellow with the Union of Concerned Scientists (hell if I know why). Dunno if the food company is still going.
@SFAW: I bet mashed cauliflower is delcious. But then, I have been known to happily eat zoodles instead of pasta, so perhaps I’m a freak.
@donnah: Kale, with most of the kale boiled out and the residual taste masked by pepper vinegar, can be an appropriate bed for butterbeans and ham.
@Just One More Canuck: Au contraire mushy peas are the only acceptable accompaniment to fish and chips. I am only surprised that Americans/Canadians are aware of their existence. Up until this post I had thought that we Brits were the only nation to have discovered this delicious way of serving peas.
On the other hand, my favourite way of eating peas is fresh out of the pod while shelling them. When I was a child my mother used to complain that one went into me for every one that went into the bowl.
@Major Major Major Major: Is it a “marketing term” or just another name in the tradition of, for example, scallions, green onions, onions? I assumed some people knew them as “chick peas” and some knew them as “garbanzo beans.”
Sugar snaps. Mmmmmmmmm.
There are so many cooking tips that seem to be created by mean people trying to see how gullible people are. Especially bad on the diet/healthy end of things. Goes double for beauty tips.
Also, thanks for bringing back fond memories of one of Martha Stewart’s shows where she said “I always like to put a little mint in my pee water.” She probably said “pea” but who cannot hear it the other way, even if the woman is standing at a stove cooking peas
@Librarian: Green peaness? You may have found a way to avoid getting thrown into moderation.
Or, cauliflower rice…
Or, cauliflower as a pizza crust…
We interrupt your daily gloom to say ARRR, IT BE THAT DAY AGAIN, YE LILY-LIVERED LONGSHANKS!
@Ruviana: Damn, “scallions, green onions, spring onions.”
You’ve saved lives today Betty.
A favorite childhood memory is creamed peas on toast, a sort of vegetarian SOS. My dad had an extensive garden and often we would make an entire meal out peas in the pod. Old fashioned garden peas (as opposed to sugar snap peas) have an inedible membrane on the inside of the pod, but when boiled long enough, the pod can be pulled through the teeth like an artichoke petal scraping the tasty pod off the membrane and popping the fresh peas out of the pod at the same time. Mom had a five gallon pot just for cooking them.
Major Major Major Major
@Ruviana: Hmm, I thought that ‘chickpea’ was brought to the US for marketing purposes, but can’t find confirmation of it, so maybe it’s not true.
@rikyrah: Mashed cauliflower is tasty, and I imagine for diabetics or other people who for whatever reason can’t/try not to eat potatoes, is a worthwhile substitute. As a person with food allergies who nonetheless likes the original food (chicken in my case) I can get behind the marketing of a food as a ‘substitute’. TVP chicken substitute (‘meatless chicken’) can be delicious, although apparently it drives some of y’all insane as an abomination.
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: I, too, like to eat canned peas straight from the can. They’re almost like candy.
Wasn’t it Mitt Romney who said he liked peas in his guac? IIRC – I remember at the time thinking it was a pathetic attempt to sound like he, too, had had to skimp on favorite foods to stay in budget (peas being cheaper than avocados). Or maybe it was part of that White Midwestern Food ethos that puts vegetables in jello and Cool Whip on fruit salad.
Of course I prefer thighs. Chicken breast tastes like chalk.
PREACH IT, SISTER
The chick pea is ceci in Italian, pronounced chay-chee, kinda homonym. Purple Carrot still a going concern, La Figlia loves it for her 3x weekly plant-based menus, most of which I really like. No attempt to do the “it tastes like chicken” thing, lots of great spicy N. African, mid-Eastern, Asian influences in the recipes.
Dry Packing Styrofoam.
What kind of evil, demented villain would even THINK that!?
@Just One More Canuck:
I blame Japan for that. They do many things well. Pizza is not one of them.
I’m gonna guess either a vegan or a vegetarian who tried to replace the dough containing animal products in it.
@AndoChronic: It’s what I do.
Which is made worse because it really can fool your eyes at first if you’re not careful.
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA
It comes up as a healthy substitute for those of us who want pizza without the calories in a regular crust.
I also forgot roasted cauliflower as substitute buffalo wings.
@The Lodger: It’s a quote from the all-too-short run of The Critic. Animated series from the geniuses behind The Simpsons.
@Ruviana: And prunes are now dried plums.
Fresh or frozen peas are mandatory in tuna casserole
@catclub: I just do not like chicken thighs. I know they’re supposed to be juicy and flavorful, but I simply cannot handle the fatty taste and texture.
CAN’T UNSEE IT!!!
@Shana: It lives forever in my heart for the duet with Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel.
No, they’re not. And its all the better for them not being there.
Cheap Jim, formerly Cheap Jim
I like peas. Get yourself a chicken carcass and a hambone and you’re just 3 days away from a killer pea soup. I like avocados too, but not nearly as much as some people seem to, judging by the prices asked for them; so I don’t eat avocados.
@Spanky: Sit by me.
Peas have their place.
Next to the kale.
In the trash barrel.
Under the goddamned cauliflower.
@TomatoQueen: Come sit by me.
@rikyrah: @SiubhanDuinne: You kids just wait
until your father gets homeuntil ruemara gets off work. I believe she is a big fan of the cauliflower pizza crust, etc.
@debit: It lives forever in my heart for so many things.
‘Twas a cookbook a couple of decades ago, titled _Caramel Knowledge_. Don’t remember name of author – food writer for one of Minneapolis/Saint Paul papers. Had recipe for ‘Mockagoule’ – guacamole with softened butter replacing avocado pulp.
Wondering if rise in avocado prices would make that cheaper than the original ?
@debit: We do low carb (type 2 diabetic) so mashed cauliflower is a decent substitute for potatoes. We also don’t have it very often. Mostly with things that would normally use taters, like pot roast.
The frozen stuff is too expensive, though. It’s easy enough to make yourself.