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You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / Visualize Whirled Peas

Visualize Whirled Peas

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I know there’s a series of acute global and national crises brewing. There’s climate change, which may have flung hurricanes and typhoons across the oceans like so many martial arts stars targeting our vulnerable coastlines. And the quickening investigation into the role a foreign power played in installing a racist, sexist, xenophobic demagogue in the Oval Office. And federal agencies repackaged as force-multipliers for rogue police departments and out-of-control border protection units. And smarmy liars trying to gut healthcare and social services to further enrich obscenely wealthy plutocrats. And our escalating showdown with the planet’s other nuclear-armed narcissist with a fondness for nepotism, military parades, sycophancy and preposterous hairdos.

To all that, I say, “Blaarrrgh!” Not because it’s not important. Not because I don’t care. But rather because, like the sole remaining team member in a dodge-ball match, I don’t know how to avoid the blows, so I’m curling up in the fetal position. This post is a pixelated manifestation of that phenomenon.

Instead of worrying about these grave crises, I want to know who is trying to shove green peas down our throats. Is there a Pea Council? A Green Pea Growers Association? Because some cabal is pushing peas, and they’ve infiltrated the highest levels of our media organizations and social media platforms.

The first salvo was The New York Times’ unconscionable suggestion that we put green peas in guacamole a couple of years ago, but that was just the beginning:

“Trust us?” How about “fuck no!” Suddenly the food section had become as unreliable as the political coverage. Thankfully, we still had President Obama to protect us back then:

And after that high-profile beat-down, the pea pushers kept a lower profile, but they haven’t stopped. For years now, I’ve stood by helplessly as peas crop up in the most unlikely recipes. I was just looking up ingredients for green goddess salad dressing, and damned if there wasn’t a video ad adjacent suggesting that green peas should be pureed and used to make a sauce for seared sea scallops. As fucking if.

I’ve got nothing against green peas. They have their place, which is alongside carrots, in soups, in a monoculture side dish and even smushed up with mint and served with fish and chips by the more tradition-minded purveyors.

But this business of adding peas to anything green or pretending that they are on the same culinary plane as butter, olive oil, scallions or garlic has to fucking stop.

Please feel free to discuss weightier matters, such as Trump’s wack U.N. speech. I’ll be over here trying not to visualize whirled peas.

Open thread!

Reader Interactions

104Comments

  2. 2.

    rikyrah

    I’ve got nothing against green peas. They have their place, which is alongside carrots, in soups, in a monoculture side dish and even smushed up with mint and served with fish and chips by the more tradition-minded purveyors.

    But this business of adding peas to anything green or pretending that they are on the same culinary plane as butter, olive oil, scallions or garlic has to fucking stop.

    BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH A

  8. 8.

    catclub

    If you don’t like peas, you won’t like Jacques Pepin’s cooking shows. And virtually everything he makes appears delicious.

  9. 9.

    donnah

    Having grown up being forced to eat CANNED peas, I was reluctant to try fresh peas. But I do love them. I agree that they have their place, served steamed with little pearl onions or tossed into a fresh salad. Not in guacamole, nope.

    Personally, I’m glad to see a gradual reduction in kale promotion. I tried it in various forms and didn’t like a single one. And don’t come to scold me, I ain’t eating it or drinking it as a shake.

    Thanks, Betty, for a step back from the edge of abyss of doom I feel we’re standing on. I’ve read some of Trump’s address to the UN and it’s an embarrassment. I’d rather have a fresh salad, hold the kale and add fresh peas.

  12. 12.

    rikyrah

    Add green peas to your guacamole. Trust us. http://t.co/7imMY9c2ph pic.twitter.com/oeOMt2qgmh

    — The New York Times (@nytimes) July 1, 2015

    The first time I ever heard this was on a cooking show for lower calorie recipes. I thought about it, but then went, ‘ NAH’.

  14. 14.

    The Moar You Know

    You know who adds peas to guacamole – restaurants that are too cheap to pay for avocados!

    @Nancy: I grew up in the land of avocado: Southern California. I feel pretty confident in maintaining that anyone who adds peas to guacamole is going straight to hell.

  15. 15.

    rikyrah

    @donnah:

    Personally, I’m glad to see a gradual reduction in kale promotion. I tried it in various forms and didn’t like a single one. And don’t come to scold me, I ain’t eating it or drinking it as a shake.

    Don’t like cooked Kale.
    It will never be on a plate with cornbread like mustards, turnips and collards.

    But, I have gotten used to it with fresh spinach in salads.
    Kale and roasted sweet potatoes in a salad is pretty good.

  16. 16.

    Just One More Canuck

    Earlier this year, there was a boomlet on twitter and facebook for peas and mayo on pizza. This brought together two groups which usually find no common ground – pro-pineapple-on-pizza people and anti-pineapple on pizza people, who came together to condemn this abomination.

    Smushy peas served with fish and chips is a culinary atrocity.

  17. 17.

    BethanyAnne

    Mom always bought Le Sueur peas, and they are so good. I don’t understand eating any other type. I’ve tried the others – not food. Speaking of not food, I heard the best description of black salt: “food grade pumice”. :-D

  18. 18.

    bystander

    Senate investigating committee’s questioning of Michael Cohen postponed because Cohen violated their agreement not to discuss the investigation. Cohen looks like he was working the dunk tank before a few spins on the Tilt A Whirl. Pissing off the committee on the heels of news of Manafort’s indictment is the kind of dumb move to expect from the twitler brigade.

  19. 19.

    Shell

    “Peas in guacamole” definitely sounds like a fast one. Reminds me of a recipe for ‘egg salad’ that used tofu as a substitute. Was one of those “and you can’t tell the difference”. Uh, yeah, you can.

  20. 20.

    trollhattan

    I eat my peas with honey
    I’ve done it all my life
    they do taste kinda funny
    but it keeps them on my knife

    I’m objectively anti-kale. Science has had five years to make that shit taste good, or at least taste, and has failed. And I live 20 minutes from U.C. Davis so in a geographical position to know if such a breakthrough had occurred.

  23. 23.

    Barbara

    @rikyrah: I love kale. I eat baby kale in salad, and I eat “adult” kale in salads after giving it a little olive oil “massage.” It has a milder flavor than spinach. I almost never cook it any more, although it is good when it is mixed Tuscany style canellini beans.

    As for peas in guacamole — I am not the world’s biggest guacamole fan, but I think green peas are too starchy, not creamy enough to add to guacamole. I also think the flavors would clash. Although both are mild, peas are sweet and avocados are not, and go way better with spicy additions, which are awful with peas. So, yeah, no, would not add peas to guac.

  24. 24.

    JCJ

    Why are they called “green peas?” Why not just peas? I know there are chick peas and black eyed peas, but I would think most people hearing “peas” would think of the little green orbs. Would others think of black eyed peas first? Not gonna count responses from Fergie or Will.i.am

  25. 25.

    Big Ole Hound

    Modern “foodies” will do anything to make folks think a revolution in food has taken place. As a transplanted Californian I say guac is guac.

  26. 26.

    trollhattan

    @donnah:
    Every canned vegetable tastes like every other canned vegetable–watery, salty mush. Frozen vegetables were a source of wonder when mom first started buying them; whoa, these things taste?!?

  30. 30.

    MomSense

    I personally love fresh peas from the garden, preferably in a salad with baby greens, fresh chervil, and thinly sliced red onions or nibbled while shelling them on the porch with your family.

    I’ve never added them to guac. Why would you? Guac is perfect as it is.

  32. 32.

    yam

    It was the FTNYFT that said Minnesota’s Thanksgiving tradition was “grape salad.” Then entire state said “What?” Never gave a shit about what they said after that. Too bad, I like Mark Bittman…

  33. 33.

    Elizabelle

    @debit: Yum. Thank you. Saved it.

    OT: Wishing all the best to your mom, and please keep us updated. My dad had non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for 22 or so years — from the late 1960s to 1990. Even back then, he said his oncologist told him patients frequently died of something else.

    I’m thinking they’ve made good progress in treatments since, and may your mother’s illness be only an obstacle, and maybe even curable.

  36. 36.

    Major Major Major Major

    The NYT’s food trend pieces have always been bullshit, just like the rest of their trend pieces. A lot of their straight recipes are good though, especially their chocolate chip cookies!

    @JCJ: and of course chick peas is just a marketing term for garbanzo beans.

  40. 40.

    trollhattan

    @father pussbucket:
    He was midway through when I turned the radio on and it seemed like a litany of “countries whose asses I’d like to kick, I just can’t decide the order.” His shouty delivery is especially inappropriate for an international audience with zero MAGA hats in the room.

  41. 41.

    yam

    I like kale. I also like broccoli (and the leaves!), cauliflower, turnip, mustard and collard greens. Cabbage any way I can get it – from cole slaw to sauerkraut.

    I guess I’m just Brassica’s bitch…

  45. 45.

    trollhattan

    @schrodingers_cat:
    Top pea dish in my universe were mashed avec lots of butter served at Domaine Chandon, not for calorie counters. Otherwise, young whole pods fresh off the vine are quite amazing, and a relatively short season. One of a few things one can grow during winter in these parts and as a legume, good for the soil.

  47. 47.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Spanky:

    I hate peas. Always have.

    Fuck peas.

    Me too, brother. Except for split pea soup. I quite like the flavour, but the texture of peas makes me gag.

  48. 48.

    justawriter

    @yam: Some peas are yellow when ripe. Over the years green split peas (the stuff they make soup and mushy peas with) have become more popular because people expect peas to be green. Yellow split peas are now more of a specialty product. (former farm reporter in the middle of the legume capital of the world here)

  49. 49.

    debit

    @Elizabelle: Unless you actually prefer chicken thighs, feel free to use breasts (which is what I do).

    Thanks! As I said in the thread below, we think they caught it early, and she’s in great health otherwise so I’m trying to stay positive.

  50. 50.

    SFAW

    @yam:

    Cabbage any way I can get it – from cole slaw to sauerkraut.

    My father once tried to convince me that adding some cabbage when I made corned beef hash would add an extra “zing” or some such. I think he was being sincere — none of that Rocket Raccoon “I need that guy’s leg” shit — so I tried it.

    Once.

    My father was a pretty decent cook/foodie — he was making pesto 10 or 20 years before it caught on, for example — but he was totally worng about the cabbage thing.

    I no longer have nightmares about it, fortunately.

  51. 51.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Shell:

    Like mashing up cauliflower and trying to pass it off as mashed potatoes. Just no.

    Cauliflower is fine on its own, but let’s not pretend one kind of food is another kind of food when clearly it is not.

  52. 52.

    Garbo

    Kale is bullshit. I maintain that a leaf that until recently was used exclusively as garnish cannot be promoted to a “superfood” in a single bound. Leaves that need to be massaged before eating need to be left.

    And the peas in guacamole was a test by the NYT to see just how much tripe about Trump Glenn and Maggie could serve us before we rebelled.

  53. 53.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @trollhattan: I actually enjoy canned green beans. I like to eat them right out of the can. And I love green bean casserole with mushroom soup and fried onions. I don’t know why but I can eat mass quantities of that stuff.

  54. 54.

    SFAW

    As for peas in guacamole: I think the best recipe for that is similar to the best dry martini: pour gin into the glass, then drink it while looking at a picture of a bottle of vermouth.

  58. 58.

    Lurking Canadian

    Some years ago, Mrs LC and I developed the habit of eating things over diced cauliflower where we would once have used rice, as part of a low-carb thing.

    It turns out, in one of life’s pleasant surprises, that if you add some peas to the cauliflower (after dicing: the peas are intact) the substrate has a much less bland flavor and texture.

  59. 59.

    Dave

    @donnah: Best use I have for kale is any soup that calls for spinach Kale actually makes a pretty good substitute for; unless it’s a creamed one but I don’t do those. I generally prefer it to spinach in that case.

  62. 62.

    Ruviana

    @yam: Fear not, Mark Bittman left the NYT to work for a vegan food shipping service (Purple Carrot) and is currently a fellow with the Union of Concerned Scientists (hell if I know why). Dunno if the food company is still going.

  63. 63.

    debit

    @SFAW: I bet mashed cauliflower is delcious. But then, I have been known to happily eat zoodles instead of pasta, so perhaps I’m a freak.

  65. 65.

    Sloane Ranger

    @Just One More Canuck: Au contraire mushy peas are the only acceptable accompaniment to fish and chips. I am only surprised that Americans/Canadians are aware of their existence. Up until this post I had thought that we Brits were the only nation to have discovered this delicious way of serving peas.

    On the other hand, my favourite way of eating peas is fresh out of the pod while shelling them. When I was a child my mother used to complain that one went into me for every one that went into the bowl.

  66. 66.

    Ruviana

    @Major Major Major Major: Is it a “marketing term” or just another name in the tradition of, for example, scallions, green onions, onions? I assumed some people knew them as “chick peas” and some knew them as “garbanzo beans.”

  68. 68.

    Feathers

    There are so many cooking tips that seem to be created by mean people trying to see how gullible people are. Especially bad on the diet/healthy end of things. Goes double for beauty tips.

    Also, thanks for bringing back fond memories of one of Martha Stewart’s shows where she said “I always like to put a little mint in my pee water.” She probably said “pea” but who cannot hear it the other way, even if the woman is standing at a stove cooking peas

  74. 74.

    justawriter

    A favorite childhood memory is creamed peas on toast, a sort of vegetarian SOS. My dad had an extensive garden and often we would make an entire meal out peas in the pod. Old fashioned garden peas (as opposed to sugar snap peas) have an inedible membrane on the inside of the pod, but when boiled long enough, the pod can be pulled through the teeth like an artichoke petal scraping the tasty pod off the membrane and popping the fresh peas out of the pod at the same time. Mom had a five gallon pot just for cooking them.

  75. 75.

    Major Major Major Major

    @Ruviana: Hmm, I thought that ‘chickpea’ was brought to the US for marketing purposes, but can’t find confirmation of it, so maybe it’s not true.

    @rikyrah: Mashed cauliflower is tasty, and I imagine for diabetics or other people who for whatever reason can’t/try not to eat potatoes, is a worthwhile substitute. As a person with food allergies who nonetheless likes the original food (chicken in my case) I can get behind the marketing of a food as a ‘substitute’. TVP chicken substitute (‘meatless chicken’) can be delicious, although apparently it drives some of y’all insane as an abomination.

  76. 76.

    CaseyL

    @J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: I, too, like to eat canned peas straight from the can. They’re almost like candy.

    Wasn’t it Mitt Romney who said he liked peas in his guac? IIRC – I remember at the time thinking it was a pathetic attempt to sound like he, too, had had to skimp on favorite foods to stay in budget (peas being cheaper than avocados). Or maybe it was part of that White Midwestern Food ethos that puts vegetables in jello and Cool Whip on fruit salad.

  77. 77.

    catclub

    @debit:

    Unless you actually prefer chicken thighs, feel free to use breasts

    Of course I prefer thighs. Chicken breast tastes like chalk.

  78. 78.

    BruceFromOhio

    But this business of adding peas to anything green or pretending that they are on the same culinary plane as butter, olive oil, scallions or garlic has to fucking stop.

    PREACH IT, SISTER

  79. 79.

    LaNonna

    The chick pea is ceci in Italian, pronounced chay-chee, kinda homonym. Purple Carrot still a going concern, La Figlia loves it for her 3x weekly plant-based menus, most of which I really like. No attempt to do the “it tastes like chicken” thing, lots of great spicy N. African, mid-Eastern, Asian influences in the recipes.

  81. 81.

    TenguPhule

    But this business of adding peas to anything green or pretending that they are on the same culinary plane as butter, olive oil, scallions or garlic has to fucking stop.

    Preach it!

  84. 84.

    TenguPhule

    @Just One More Canuck:

    Earlier this year, there was a boomlet on twitter and facebook for peas and mayo on pizza. This brought together two groups which usually find no common ground – pro-pineapple-on-pizza people and anti-pineapple on pizza people, who came together to condemn this abomination.

    I blame Japan for that. They do many things well. Pizza is not one of them.

  85. 85.

    TenguPhule

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    What kind of evil, demented villain would even THINK that!?

    I’m gonna guess either a vegan or a vegetarian who tried to replace the dough containing animal products in it.

  87. 87.

    TenguPhule

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Like mashing up cauliflower and trying to pass it off as mashed potatoes. Just no.

    Or Turnips.

    Which is made worse because it really can fool your eyes at first if you’re not careful.

  88. 88.

    rikyrah

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Or, cauliflower as a pizza crust…

    What kind of evil, demented villain would even THINK that!?

    BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    It comes up as a healthy substitute for those of us who want pizza without the calories in a regular crust.

  93. 93.

    debit

    @catclub: I just do not like chicken thighs. I know they’re supposed to be juicy and flavorful, but I simply cannot handle the fatty taste and texture.

  97. 97.

    Cheap Jim, formerly Cheap Jim

    I like peas. Get yourself a chicken carcass and a hambone and you’re just 3 days away from a killer pea soup. I like avocados too, but not nearly as much as some people seem to, judging by the prices asked for them; so I don’t eat avocados.

  103. 103.

    JAFD

    ‘Twas a cookbook a couple of decades ago, titled _Caramel Knowledge_. Don’t remember name of author – food writer for one of Minneapolis/Saint Paul papers. Had recipe for ‘Mockagoule’ – guacamole with softened butter replacing avocado pulp.

    Wondering if rise in avocado prices would make that cheaper than the original ?

  104. 104.

    workworkwork

    @debit: We do low carb (type 2 diabetic) so mashed cauliflower is a decent substitute for potatoes. We also don’t have it very often. Mostly with things that would normally use taters, like pot roast.

    The frozen stuff is too expensive, though. It’s easy enough to make yourself.

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