This is for Cornerstone and others who can not visualize the kitchen.
I hope that helps. And all my plants are outside getting a thorough watering and I am re-potting a bunch, in case you were wondering.
The Kitchen Tour
by John Cole| 93 Comments
This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House", Readership Capture
khead
I’m having problems understanding why you felt the need to do this video.
I mean, I figured that kitchen shit out long before Corner Stone started fucking with you.
So, chill.
Luther Siler
Your voice is all wrong. Sound like I think you should sound.
low-tech cyclist
I’ve noticed this a number of times before, but the absence of counter space next to the stove would drive me nuts. Don’t you find that somewhat awkward, at the very least?
debbie
Nice.
John Cole
@low-tech cyclist: No.
rikyrah
I love your kitchen. Still don’t see the problem with the pot/pan holder.
zhena gogolia
Cozy, I like it.
zhena gogolia
@Luther Siler:
Hahaha, most of us have gotten used to it.
But my favorite is his father’s voice when he sees the Jack Russells frolicking over his just-vacuumed living room. It’s similar, but not quite the same.
zhena gogolia
Okay, the open thread just appeared and disappeared. I know somebody mentioned the hideous monument to Kalashnikov that they erected in Moscow, but did you see that it had the wrong plans etched onto it — they put the plans for the Nazi StG44 rifle. It’s positively Trumpian.
Dorothy A. Winsor (formerly Iowa Old Lady)
That looks great to me.
lamh36
LOL…Cole, I know I’m wrong, but I’m LMBAO at the monotonous sound of your voice…lol. I swear I’ve never seen any of ur video narration that didn’t have that quality…LOL.
Dude…ya gotta be more Price Is Right Spokemodel like…let me “hear the smile” on ur face in ur voice…lol
Elizabelle
Now I wanna see a video from Thurston eye level.
Corner Stone
AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!! It’s just as awful as I thought it was! No wonder it didn’t make any sense.
Thanks for the vid, though.
Elizabelle
@zhena gogolia: Yeah. That was probably the best video that ever appeared here.
Anyone got a quick link to it?
Corner Stone
@khead: No you fucking didn’t. That kitchen makes no sense. It’s like the Chewbacca Defense.
sukabi
@lamh36: you’re trying to provoke a “I hate all your fucking guts” tirade aren’t you? ?????
JPL
@Elizabelle: lol
khead
@Corner Stone:
Yeah, I did. Right under the bus.
Mary G
I am giving you an incomplete, please pan right at the end so we can see what’s to the left of the fridge as you face it. Is there a door? What I can see looks good and an efficient use of a small space.
John Cole
@Corner Stone: It makes perfect sense with the space available.
Mnemosyne
This post cries out for the “Readership Capture” tag. ?
The layout of the kitchen is a little odd, but there’s not a lot you can do to change it unless you do a major remodel and lose the charm of having the original kitchen.
Gvg
It seems nice. Thank you.
Eljai
Now, that’s a nice cozy kitchen, John. Also, I find your voice to be rather calming.
Barbara
It has a better layout than the kitchen I grew up in, which basically had zero counter space. I love your sink, and the refrigerator is just where it should be. It might be a little small if there are two people trying to cook at the same time.
Major Major Major Major
Don’t watch videos on my phone usually, can you make it a gif?
Wapiti
“Step by step. Slowly I turned. There is the kitchen…”
Mnemosyne
I never seem to get anything done on the Saturdays our cleaning people come. Not sure why. ?
fuckwit
LOL when you pan over to the microwave (or is it a toaster oven?), what looks like you standing in your underwear shows up in the reflection.
JMG
John, I know you’re a good cook, and that you depend more on fresh ingredients than sauces and such, but I have to go along with low tech cyclist. I don’t see how you have enough room for slicing and dicing, or even how you deal with putting things in and out of pots and pans on the stove. Do you move the microwave when using the stove?
schrodingers_cat
@low-tech cyclist: Me too. Need space on both sides of the stove.
schrodingers_cat
Why were the pots and pans in the basement? That makes no sense.
Elizabelle
@fuckwit: Well, shorts.
We are lucky he was wearing pants. But you got me to look.
Corner Stone
@Wapiti: I freakin’ laughed and laughed. “Slowly…slowly”.
That’s good stuff.
Eljai
@fuckwit: Coincidentally, I originally read John’s last sentence as “And all my pants are outside…” instead of “And all my plants are outside…”
schrodingers_cat
@Eljai: He does have a voice for radio.
Fair Economist
I have a large kitchen with ample space on both sides of the sink, but I rarely use any of it during food prep except the area just to the left (which is also next to my oven and range.) I need space for a cutting board and a few bowls or plate for holding things during prep. For everyday work, why would you need more?
NoraLenderbee
You have a nice voice.
I still don’t understand where the basement steps are, but it won’t keep me awake at night.
Mnemosyne
@NoraLenderbee:
You walk into the little alcove where the pots are hanging and turn right.
JPL
You did good!
John Cole
@Corner Stone:
Your welcome to show me your kitchen and tell me what is wrong with mine and right with yours.
And if you think it is bad now, you should have seen it before we knocked out the wall in the dining room and move thedoor in the kitchen that let to the bathroom (it was where the fridge is now).
lamh36
Is this ad-lipped…or did you have a script…LOL…
How many takes did it take before you got one you really liked…lol.
IDK bout you, but when I’m posting videos or pictures to post online, I ALWAYS take like sooo many from too many angles…before deciding on one…lol
JPL
@Mnemosyne: Thanks. I was confused by that also
Hal
Some of these responses remind me of one of my favorite tweets:
NotMax
Sadly, this won’t be picked up as a series.
Speaking of kitchens, picked up a sturdy metal adjustable spoon measure – ½ tsp to 1 tbl, in ½ tsp increments – while on the NY trip. Among the most welcome additions to the kitchen utensil collection in years.
Corner Stone
@John Cole: It’s mostly done, so that’s a positive.
John Cole
@JMG: It’s bigger than it looks.
@fuckwit: My Duluth Trading boxers. Most comfortable shit on earth.
@schrodingers_cat: They weren’t in the basement. They were in cupboards, underneath the stove, etc. Now they are RIGHT there.
John Cole
@lamh36: Once, like I am wasting that much time on your fuckers.
Cermet
The only question I have John is, does your water burn when you hold a lit match close? If not, and the water does not exhibit strange colors/odors, then everything is fine.
cain
@John Cole:
I personally love lots of counter space… I’m now in a kitchen in an apartment, and I have sad.
cain
Damn, Cole, I think this is the most you’ve participated in a thread in years.
parmenides
I barely comment, and the kitchen looks great, but please put the microwave somewhere else. Think about staging your food for the stove or the oven on that. I don’t hate microwaves, even though I use it for reheating coffee, unfreezing spinach when I need to premake spin dip, and when there isn’t an oven reheating food. What else do people do people do with microwaves other than buy food from the freezer that with patience can be placed in the oven or toaster oven. And dear god popcorn deserves to be popped on the stove with butter and olive oil like god intended it.
Never mind, I hate microwaves so if you like them then you can ignore most of what I’ve said other than about placement cause really?
cain
@Major Major Major Major:
How did you become so anachronistic? Aren’t you young people all about videos?
planetpundit
Nice kitchen. Ur dad did a great job and ABC has made a breakthru domesticating you.
Next time maybe Steve should narrate. Maybe handle the camera as well. :)
lamh36
@John Cole: http://funnygoblin.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/obama-smiling-and-laughing.gif
Corner Stone
@cain:
This sounds like an old DOS/text based adventure game:
Walk forward five feet.
Is there a door?
NotMax
@Corner Stone
Always check for traps. Always. Then check again on the way out.
/D&D
Ruviana
I think it’s a lovely kitchen. And your voice is wonderfully soothing.
NotMax
@John Cole
Swear to FSM, first read that as “My Duluth Training boxers. Most comfortable shit on Earth.” and really, really didn’t want to head into that territory.
mainmata
@Luther Siler: I expected someone with a West VA twang and not a PBS narrator’s voice. Imagine my surprise. Video pretty weird but I like the design for a basically small kitchen.
p.a.
Are those GE appliances? The stock price seems to have stabilized recently, after tanking while Smallgloves has been pResident.
ETA: where’s the mop storage and the mustard wormhole?
ETA2: oh yeah, they sold off appliances. never mind…
gbbalto
Sorry, your clip displays the Green Screen of Death in both Windows Explorer and Chrome on my computer. Maybe it’s a great kitchen (I hope so), maybe not? How can I tell? (Not that my kitchen is anything to write home about)
gbbalto
@NotMax: Duluth Trading underwear is great!
ETA: Not paid to say so, found them before bombardment of airwaves
EETA: More than 50% of my clothing comes from there. Not cheap but great quality
Just One More Canuck
@rikyrah: It’s a really creative solution
cain
@Corner Stone:
LOL. I was in a house a week ago with awesome kitchen and plenty of countertop space. I suddenly moved to Denver, and having to deal with Portland withdrawal.
efgoldman
@cain:
Our house was empty when we looked at it. The kitchen has 28 feet of linear counter space.
Unfortunately, there is no horizontal flat surface in the world that mrs efg can’t fill with stuff, so it isn’t useful space.
Ohio Mom
We have more counter space in our kitchen and still generally only use the corner space between the sink and stove — which looks to be the same amount of space that John has between his sink and stove — for meal prep. It takes something on the scale of Thanksgiving or Passover before we start using the counter on the other side of the sink.
This kitchen looks very workable to me and very cute. I am jealous of the big sink.
The turn in the video made me a little car-sick however.
Gretchen
Once, like I am wasting that much time on your fuckers.
That’s the John Cole we know and love.
Very nice kitchen.
J R in WV
Well, I liked the part with the spin move, where things went all sideways.
And I gotta look for the reflection to see how the Duluth Trading Boxers look. I was tempted by them, but then I saw where they’re some kind of modern non-cotton fabric, and backed away slowly. But if they look good on you, and you say they’re comfortable, maybe I should rethink my all-cotton all the time rule.
I agree that I would need counter space beside the stove, a place for the ingredients to wait their turn in the pan/pot. I’m heating brown beans with an onion fried in bacon grease, we’ll eat in a little bit. Our trip to Colorado hosed out schedule, now we who always ate late from working and then cooking, now we eat really late.
Great spin move on the video!!! ;-)
Omnes Omnibus
@schrodingers_cat: Not everyone has that option.
dance around in your bones
I hear a subtext monologue – ” OK, you moron(s), here is me being forced into showing you my perfectly fine kitchen. Gaze upon my works and shut up with the obtuse comments. Sheez.”
The things you do for your blog, John! Thanks.
opiejeanne
@khead: Because some of us didn’t figure it out. Several of us thought we needed this last night.
I thought I understood the kitchen layout but it’s obvious from this video that I did not.
Thanks John Cole. It looks great
satby
OMIGOD you people! That’s a GREAT kitchen for an older house that was built back in the days before you had both a pan and an electronic gadget for every possible thing you could imagine cooking. John has 2x the counter space I do, and my stove is floating alone on a wall between two doorways. What my house lacks in counter space it more than makes up for in original woodwork and charm. John’s house is looking fantastic.
schrodingers_cat
@Omnes Omnibus: True, but at least counter space on one side is a must. I have rejected apartments/houses on that basis.
mai naem mobile
I don’t see how you do a door on the pantry . I am not getting the basement thing. I don’t know if you can do a tiny roll up door that would in the inside of the pantry not outside, or a vinyl Roman shade kind of thing. I was going to suggest a small barn door or pocket door but you don’t have the space. The kitchen looks nice. It’s small but it goes with the house.
NotMax
@satby
Cooking with hydrogen requires constant vigilance.
:)
Got out the tape measure to confirm – there’s roughly 36 inches of counter space total in my kitchen, half on either side of the sink. When doing major cooking, set out folding TV tables in the adjoining living room to hold stuff, use for rack cooling, etc.
schrodingers_cat
@satby: I was interested in a 100 year old house but it had hardly any closet space and even more frightening was the electrical wiring situation, converted from gas. Scary.
mai naem mobile
BTW a lot of people on this thread remind me of the HGTV House Hunters assholes who I want to slap upside the head. ‘It’s not granite!’, ‘The granites not sustainable so let’s replace it’ , ‘I can’t entertain 500 people here!’, ‘I have to have white cabinets(so replace the 2 yr old cherry ones)’ . Wahhhh. Just STFU.
sharl
Hahaha, it’s threads like this that make me particularly sad that Just Some Fuckhead doesn’t come around any more. I can’t help but think he’d have some great input to offer here.
khead
@opiejeanne:
Really? My bad there.
Not kidding. Thought I was the only one.
Czanne
@mai naem mobile: Barn door would work, with the hardware on the inside of the basement stairs alcove. Or the beaded curtain. Steve would love it.
@schrodingers_cat: AVOID 100 year old electricals. My (now late) great-grandparents’ house (141 years old) got the electricity in the 1930s. My great-uncle, the electrical engineer, installed it during a summer break while he was an undergrad. I had to do rework on it in 2010. Scariest electrical I’ve ever dealt with. It made the basement stairs and the plumbing look sensible and logical, despite four generations of care by the loving contracting team of Goodnuff & Thatllholder.
raptusregaliter
I also like John’s voice. It has a soothing, Rain Man quality. But I wonder if his interior monologue voice sounds any different when he’s calling us all fucktards.
And when he gets some money ahead (lol), he can always buy one of those fancy, over-the-stove microwaves that vents directly into the stove vent. Will probably be less expensive than replacing all the breakage that’s sure to come by trying to balance plates, jars, glasses, etc. on that sad little sliver of counter space.
Corner Stone
I am pretty sure that at some point in the near future we’re going to get a Cole story about how he was prepping veggies by the sink while warming up the oven and his Duluth undies caught fire because there was not enough room between the counter and oven.
Omnes Omnibus
@Corner Stone: That would happen no matter the size of the kitchen. The small kitchen just moves it up the list of disasters.
Corner Stone
@Omnes Omnibus: Narrator voice: “It did.”
Jay C
Not a bad makeover, John: considering the fundamental space you had to work with. (compared to a lot of New York apartment kitchens of the kind I’m used to, it’s positively spacious).
The only thing(s) I’d suggest changing (eventually, when your blogging finally pays off the big bucks) are:
1. The microwave-over-the-stove idea – assuming the vent situation allows – to free up counter space for the future kitchen gadgets you’re probably likely to be accumulating.
2. Converting your pan-hanger closet into a real storage space with shelves (?retracting/accordion/pocket doors?).
Love the farm sink, btw
Omnes Omnibus
JC, consider stopping sharing your home improvements. You won’t ever satisfy the HGTV harpies here. So leave them hanging.
I would never have purchased that house or done with it what you have. Then again, I am not you. If it works for you, that is all that matters.
normal liberal
Once again the thread is, well, over, but I can’t seem to move on. Somehow I thought the ceiling was higher and that there was more wall above the windows. I still think the wooden valance idea would work, but it might have to be too high to be very useful as a combo storage/window treatment. As to the microwave over the stove idea, it would also have to be recessed or up fairly high, or you’d be hitting your forehead on it.
I once lived in a old house turned into apartments-I had the back of the second floor. My kitchen, and I use the word very loosely, was tucked into an old bay window. This was…less than ideal. (One of the windows wouldn’t completely close, leading to exciting encounters with squirrels and bats. It’s amazing how much damage can be done by a lone panic-stricken squirrel. And then there were the multi-species wars in the attic above.)
Thanks for the tour. I for one shall henceforth admire your lovely house and cease making idiotic suggestions. Congratulations on such an amazing transformation in such a short time.
Just Some Fuckhead
@sharl: I’m saving my good stuff for the bedroom video.
low-tech cyclist
@John Cole:
It’s your kitchen – if it works for you, that’s all that counts.
Crabby ExDrunk
Way cool! Been following your house refurbish since the days of Walter (may he RIP). I had my misgivings when I saw the early pics, but it’s looking very, very good. Nice job. PS, your voice is deeper than I thought it would be, just sayin.
sharl
@Just Some Fuckhead: Hah, good to see you, stranger!
WaterGirl
@zhena gogolia: I can hear his dad’s voice in my head – Oh my god! Much higher pitch than Cole’s, most likely because of the shock and horror of what he had just seen. :-)
WaterGirl
@lamh36: You and I are in agreement on eye candy for sure, and TV shows. but I think Cole has a lovely, rich voice. This was his fake serious voice for the video. That’s what I thought, anyway.