Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

The arc of the moral universe doesn’t bend itself. it’s up to us.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

Everybody saw this coming.

I am pretty sure Katy Tur wasn’t always such a bootlicking sycophant.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

It’s a good piece. click on over. but then come back!!

The Supreme Court is corrupt. Democrats must win in November and force court reform.

If marriage is the equivalent of selling yourself into slavery, women with self respect should reject the offer.

Well, whatever it is, it’s better than being a Republican.

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

We’re not going back!

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Glad to see john eastman going through some things.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Pelosi: “He either is stupid, or he thinks the rest of us are.” Why not both?

In my day, never was longer.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

You are here: Home / Politics / America / Always Do Your Homework: Floriduh Man Edition

Always Do Your Homework: Floriduh Man Edition

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Proper planning (is supposed to) prevents piss poor performance.

A Florida man who googled “how to rob a bank” was arrested after authorities say he did just that.

William Joe Johnson, 26, was arrested Monday in the Oct. 5 robbery of an Achieva Credit Union in Largo, near Tampa, Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office officials said.

Authorities say Johnson approached a bank teller, implied he had a gun and demanded cash. The teller gave him money and he fled the bank, officials said.

Detectives were able to identify Johnson as the suspect, and found him at an Express Inn, where he was taken into custody, officials said.

Johnson told detectives he needed money so he googled “how to rob a bank,” authorities said. He said he planned to rob a different bank but changed his mind when he discovered the teller was a large male, authorities said.

Johnson said he used the money he stole to pay his rent, utilities, and go on a drug binge, authorities said. The money ran out and he had planned to rob another bank but was arrested before he could, authorities said.

Authorities charged Johnson with one count of robbery. Attorney information wasn’t available.

Open thread!

Also, Largo is between St. Petersberg and Clearwater. It’s across the bay from Tampa. I realize this was a Miami station doing the report, but that’s like saying Pembroke Pines is near Miami Beach.

Reader Interactions

55Comments

  3. 3.

    eclare

    @? Martin: Yeah, I saw that. We’re all being held hostage so that the 1% can get their precious tax cuts. ,In the words of efgoldman, fuckem.

  4. 4.

    NotMax

    Perhaps he and Dolt 45 can take comparative IQ tests.

    In other occurrences –

    Huzzah! No longer need to drag out (and then clean) the electric meat slicer when I purchase a large solid block of cheese in order to get uniform slices.

    Let it get to room temp, cut the 2 lb. block into quarters and then used this recently acquired nifty gadget. Much success ensued; sliced cheese packed in zip storage bags and refrigerated.

  5. 5.

    Adam L Silverman

    @? Martin: Pretty much dovetails with Sherman’s reporting in Vanity Fair, Bump’s and others at WaPo, Graham’s at The Atlantic. It also demonstrates something we all knew: the GOP leadership, and most of the GOP senators, just don’t understand strategy. They have tactics. Specifically tactics that have worked repeatedly for decades or seem to have worked even when what they achieved really wasn’t what they wanted to achieve. The result is that when faced with a real crisis they have no way out. The entire bit about the really want tax cuts because they’re afraid to face the voters if they have no achievements. Just think about that. Think about it in terms of what it is going to be like to face the voters if there’s a conventional war on the Korean Peninsula. Which will require a draft. Which will result in hundreds of thousands if not millions killed and/or wounded. Do they really want to face the voters with that going in? What about if he gets a rumbly tummy because of something he ate, it makes him irritable while he’s by himself in his part of the residence (do you really think Melania is staying in the same room with him?), and says “fuck it, let’s light this candle” and lobs a nuke at Pyongyang or Yonbyon, which is only 90 KM from Pyongyang? Do they really want to face the voters then?

    I get ideological attachments. I get tunnel vision. But this is just nihilism and cowardice.

  8. 8.

    Major Major Major Major

    Well, today was a minor reprieve from mandatory teambuilding week, with only three hours of mandatory teambuilding. It included a waffle bar and a food truck, so it wasn’t the very worst thing in the world. Tomorrow is our off-site… thing… at some fancy-pants place in Santa Cruz, so that will be a change of venue at least.

    And, y’know, this is a lot better than last year’s, I gotta say.

    In other news, the hobby web app I’m working on is proceeding well. It’s a thing that lets you organize your fiction writing better, and keep track of characters and stuff. Lots of little programming rabbit holes to fall into, which is educational, and hopefully I’ll have something operational soon I can share or at least use as a portfolio. If it ends up being clunky and horrible I can always just keep it as my own personal tool!

  9. 9.

    Adam L Silverman

    This is exactly what we were all joking about for the past year. Truth is exactly as strange as fiction:

  10. 10.

    piratedan

    man, I am almost choking on the freedom that this administration is providing all of us Americans. Just hoping that Mueller and Schneiderman will drop the penny soon because lets face it, there is NO ONE over on the GOP side that is willing to take the medicine, these fuckers are riding that bomb all the way to the end singing “So Far ….So GOOD!”

  12. 12.

    NotMax

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Small victories.

    Had a senior moment yesterday. Accidentally grabbed the large plastic bottle of honey instead of the similarly shaped large plastic bottle of olive oil and put a hefty squeeze into the frying pan.

    Rather than toss it, added olive oil and whisked them together before frying a couple of fish patties. End result was just fine.

  13. 13.

    Adam L Silverman

    @mouse tolliver: The Harris thing is completely nuts. Apparently the local League of the South coordinator found a loophole allowing him to bypass the local police and district attorney and go right to a magistrate, present only his side of events, and have an arrest warrant issued. The local police and prosecutors are not amused. This is going to get kicked really quick. This guy is going to get sued, he’s going to have the local police looking for whatever they can find to up the potential charges for what they’re already investigating him for, and that local magistrate is done as soon as he or she is publicly identified.

    As for McGowan: Twitter presents a clear and present danger to women, to ethnic and religious minorities including people of color, to LGBTQ people, and the republic. She deserves better. She definitely deserves and apology and to be reinstated. The folks at Twitter deserve significant and prolonged amounts of pain and suffering for enabling this crap.

  18. 18.

    NotMax

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Dolt 45 could proclaim he has come up with an infallible cure for cancer and when asked for details, give his “I’ll tell you later” claptrap.

    And the base would believe it – lock, stock and two smoking barrels.

  19. 19.

    Duane

    @Adam L Silverman: Florida man, you say? Miami Dolphins line coach made a video of himself snorting coke and professing his love to his stripper girlfriend. She sends it to the Dolphin’s. Now he’s the ex-line coach, and she’s the ex-girlfriend.

  20. 20.

    Adam L Silverman

    @NotMax: Daniel Dale tweeted this earlier. I think it is spot on:

  21. 21.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Duane: I have it in the queu for the weekend. Stripper girlfriends and coke on video are definitely weekend posts.

  24. 24.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Mnemosyne: I spent all day on 9/11, from about 10 AM on either on the phone with radio stations, on the phone with newspaper reporters, in my office with newspaper reports, doing hits in front of the building my office was in for TV news segments, home to walk and feed my dog, and then in the studio for a TV segment. Then a couple of friends/colleagues took me out to make sure I ate something. The next several days I did the same thing. At some point someone from CNN showed up and filmed me teaching my terrorism seminar. Or they got someone from one of the local stations to do so and then used the footage (one of my students told me her mom saw it when watching CNN). It was draining. And for weeks every time someone sneezed funny I was back on the radio or TV or talking to print reporters.

  25. 25.

    Millard Filmore

    Hi Adam, this is strictly for filing away for future contemplation …

    Its A Floating Prison: USS Shiloh Sailor Surveys Reveal A Totally Demoralized Crew

    When a sailor from USS Shiloh (CG-67) went missing last summer, presumably lost overboard in the Pacific, only to be found a week later hiding out in the ship’s machinery spaces, some readers could be forgiven for wondering what was going on in that command.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029700797
    http://taskandpurpose.com/floating-prison-uss-shiloh-sailor-surveys-reveal-totally-demoralized-crew/

  27. 27.

    Amir Khalid

    I just Googled “how to rob a bank” myself. I came up with a movie of that title, a book titled The Best Way To Rob a Bank Is To Own One (a banker’s career memoir), and one listicle in which a long-retired, um, practitioner offered ten tips. That is to say, not exactly rich pickings. I am sad to report that the Internet is failing our criminal classes.

  28. 28.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Millard Filmore: Thanks. I saw that. It’s nuts. Absolutely nuts. Both as an example of toxic leadership and of the failures of the chain of command. I understand that 7th Fleet is the most active US Navy element. So things are going to slip, but between this and the collisions/groundings there is clearly a need for major changes.

  30. 30.

    NotMax

    Adam, is this at all suspicious?

    Message when trying to find data on the site of the Coast Guard:

    You’ve been redirected to the new USCG website,
    hosted by the Defense Media Activity (DMA) effective 28 SEP 2017

    Almost needless to say, the information on the old site is not anywhere on the new one.

  32. 32.

    NotMax

    @NotMax

    Should add that an admittedly quick scan through the new site shows it to be primarily a repository of rah-rah press releases.

  33. 33.

    NotMax

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Have been through any even vaguely relevant portion of the new site. Trust me, what I was after is no longer there. Not that important, found the data elsewhere.

    Seems a little odd that the DMA (a Dept. of Defense operated agency) has assumed control of the site for a branch of the military which is under the purview of another Department.

  35. 35.

    Adam L Silverman

    @NotMax: The Coast Guard is a strange beast these days. The DOD treats it like a Service, which it is, but it is a direct reporting unit to DHS and an indirect reporting unit to DOD. And that may be why DMA handles the press portion.

    And with that, I’m to bed!

    Catch you all on the flip.

  36. 36.

    NotMax

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Didn’t mean to make it sound mysterious. Was researching some information about application of the Law of the Sea treaty and similar agreements regulating and designating international waters.

  37. 37.

    Betty Cracker

    Woke up in the middle of the night and was not able to get back to sleep, which is nothing new. But for some reason, a hideous Neil Diamond tune (“Cracklin’ Rose”) is stuck in my head. Why, brain, why?!?

  43. 43.

    Amir Khalid

    @Betty Cracker:
    It could be worse. At least the earworm afflicting you is not I am, I said:
    I am, I said
    To no one there
    And no one heard at all, not even the chair

  46. 46.

    ThresherK

    @Betty Cracker: She’s a “store-bought woman”*, and the Other Woman in “St. Louis Blues” had only “store-bought hair”.

    *I’m tired enough for my brain to wonder if that phrase is on purpose.

  50. 50.

    bystander

    @Mnemosyne: I’m that way about Phineas and Ferb. Always distracts me and makes me laugh, even if I’ve seen episode 83 times and can sing along with the songs.

  51. 51.

    prufrock

    I used to live down the street from that Achieva. Hell, I’m old enough to remember when Achieva was The Pinellas County Teachers Credit Union.

  52. 52.

    Ruckus

    @Adam L Silverman:
    I got on a plane at 8am on 9/11. In the east. The pilot told us about the news as it happened, that we were ordered to land and were being redirected. The girl sitting next to me worked for a company in the WTC. Everyone from the company was going to Atlanta to attend a conference. We landed at ATL and sat on the runway, then the taxiway, till they got us a gate. Then, with NG running around the airport with assault rifles (not actually a very comforting thing btw) they kicked us off the property. Put as many people in cabs as they could stuff and off you go. We had no place to stay, being one of the last planes unloaded all the airline hotels were gone. All the rental cars were gone. The girl I’d been sitting next to, as we were sitting on the plane the pilot said use your phones, her phone wouldn’t connect so I loaned her mine, all her friends had left NYC for ATL so she was in a better mood. Slightly better. She offered to let my coworker, who I didn’t know was flying on the same flight sitting way in the back of the plane, and I share her room. Better than nothing for sure we went, ended up getting a room of our own in a that nice hotel downtown. Next day a rent car was available and we were able to drive back to home. Actually an easy day, other than the buildings being destroyed, the lives lost, the assault rifles in the ATL airport……

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