I’ve mostly lost interest in David Brooks. He’s bad, but day in day out, he can’t quite match the awfulness of Frank Bruni or David Von Drehle. He’s self-involved, but not as self-involved as Bruni. He’s dumb, but not as dumb as Von Drehle. I just don’t think he matches up well against either of them.
What makes Brooks special when he’s at his best/worst, is his ability to get fixated on a random word. It could be a word he heard at a TED talk, it could be something he saw on a menu at a deli. Or it could be something he made up. Today he decides to describe guys who are just trying to get laid as “prospectors”. I think this is a real gem because it combines glib both sides stupidity with an awkward phrase that no one in history has ever uttered before:
In the political world, for example, partisans of left and right rationalize their support for Bill Clinton or Donald Trump because they could tell themselves in effect, “Oh, he’s just a horny prospector.”
Who do you think is the worst columnist working at a major outlet right now? Tom L think it’s still Bobo, but I think Bruni has far surpassed him, this shining example notwithstanding.
Amaranthine RBG
D.J. Tice at the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
No question about it. Just the worst.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
Assuming Politico counts as a major outlet, Jack Shafer.
For a major newspaper: While WaPo’s opinion pages under Hiatt have always been a tire fire, Marc Thiessen stands out at being completely indefensible as a columnist.
For lefty publications: Patrick Lawrence Smith.
JCJ
Prospector? Like Stinky Pete in Toy Story 2?
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Richard Cohen, forever and always. Going back, to my knowledge, to his “Cap Weinberger is sorta kinda almost my friend” days, he was the prototype for a FoxNews Dem before FoxNews was birthed.
Mike J
Von Drehle would rank higher if anyone knew who he was.
Major Major Major Major
Uh, did we forget about McArdle?
Served
If we’re going for all media, no one does it like Chris Cillizza.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
Matt Dowd is a morally sound person with probably the lowest intellectual wattage in centrist punditry.
schrodingers_cat
There is a Bobo column where he opined that macroeconomics is like quantum mechanics. Word salad without any meaning. It truly made zero sense and demonstrated that he knew not one thing about either discipline.
Jeffro
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): Thiessen’s columns always make me start to reach around for a baseball bat, so, seconded here.
ThresherK
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): Doesn’t Jack Shafer get some sort of Reverse Midas Touch award? He’s improved the reputation of every place he’s worked at by leaving it.
Amir Khalid
David Brooks is as bad a writer as he is a thinker. Fixating on a random word and going off on a weird tangent, like he does, just makes me cringe, and not in a good savouring-a-clever-pun way.
TenguPhule
All of the Republicans, Katie.
BruceFromOhio
Gaia love you, why go there at all. It’s like asking if you’d rather perish by getting pushed off a cliff or run over by a train. Both hurt, and you’re dead either way. The degree of unbelievable suckitutde that rates a paycheck in modern American media makes me want to retch my fucking guts out while antifa cuts off my head. I’m also pissed because I missed the gravy train.
Major Major Major Major
@Amir Khalid:
This seems to be a favorite pastime of straight white male boomer “thought leaders”.
JMG
Nooners still has a gig, right? She’s gotta be a contender. Actually, my complaint isn’t so much that so many of these columnists are terrible, it’s that they have Supreme Court life tenure. It’d be more interesting if occasionally some new terrible people replaced them. Same goes for TV pundits. Gloria Borger’s been on TV since Reagan’s first term. David Gergen for almost as long. Give ’em the gold watch and get them out of the green room.
Hunter Gathers
Haberman. And it’s not even close. She’s nothing but an ambulatory tape recorder.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
@ThresherK: Charles Pierce and Scott Lemieux said in the past that Shafer was always the high point of #SlatePitch-era Slate (as a columnist — as editor he was arguably a Daley-Sullivan-level disaster*), but I don’t really see it; the dynamic you laid out is completely accurate regarding Slate — and Scott actually said this year that Shafer’s worse than Maureen Dowd.
Reuters is probably the only thing he was a net good (or at least neutral) columnist, and my only consolation for his hiring is that while Politico was the springboard for Thrush/Haberman’s careers, it’ll most likely be the graveyard for Jack’s.
*Or probably Larison.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
Marc Thiessen is the worst. He makes Krauthammer look like a Ph.D. in ethics.
low-tech cyclist
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
You and Jeffro (ETA: and Smedley) beat me to it.
Matt McIrvin
@schrodingers_cat: Ooh, ooh, let me guess, it was some kind of “observation affects the system” metaphor?
Or something less coherent than that?
germy
Ed Rogers at WaPo
Some samples:
(a column from 2011)
Dennis
Douthat cannot be bested (worsted?)
MomSense
@Major Major Major Major:
No juicer worth her/his pink Himalayan salt would forget about McArdle.
p.a.
This relates back to the Mayhew/Anderson post about the negative effect of too many options.
Spanky
This is a lot like asking the parent of 12 kids which is their favorite.You’re more likely to just get rolled eyes for a response.
geg6
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
Yep, gotta agree. And he gets extra points for being one of the worst for the longest time.
As for who is a must read lately…Jen Rubin. She’s been spectacular. Never, ever, ever thought I’d type that sentence, but it’s true.
geg6
@Served:
Cillizza is #2 on my list only because he’s younger and been around a shorter period of time than Cohen. He will take Cohen’s crown for sure, though, once Cohen finally shuffles off the mortal coil.
Spanky
I really should have started my first comment by pointing out that
I was lying in a basement
With the full moon in my eyes …
James E. Powell
For many years nearly every Sunday morning was The Times, The Post, coffee and half a pack of Marlboros. I quit smoking and I quit reading those papers. The only contact I have with either one is by reading a summary or occasionally, when I deem it to be safe, clicking a link provided on this venerable blog. Every time I do that my decision to stop reading them is confirmed.
People read Brooks and others so I don’t have to and I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you, I appreciate your sacrifice.
catclub
@TenguPhule:
I find the question tedious. A more interesting one to me is: How will Jennifer Rubin disappoint when there is a Democratic president again?
Or will she change to better?
danielx
Like trying to distinguish one blade of grass in a lawn.
gbear
Is Cal Thomas still writing for a major paper? Is he still alive? I know his awful columns used to show up fairly often in the Twin Cities’ major newspapers.
Betty Cracker
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): Gotta agree with you on Thiessen. He’s the Sean Hannity of columnists — just a straight-up shill without any artifice.
gbear
Thiessen’s last column was a doozie that I was forced to open because I wanted to read the comments. He was roasted alive. It was satisfying.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
@Betty Cracker: Also, given that his most famous output at the time was no-frills torture apologia, hiring him in the first place was morally indefensible.
John Cole
Noonan/McCardle in a tie
Then Jonah Goldberg.
John Cole
@gbear: He’s featured prominently with Jonah Goldberg and Rich Lowry in my local right wing rag.
Elie
I don’t have any particular issues with any of the opinion columnists in any of the papers. I read or don’t read them and credit or don’t credit their opinions as I see fit, but don’t expect everyone to agree with me on everything.
We are in an open democracy last I looked, and I don’t want much restricted. I know that is not what you or anyone is suggesting. I disagree with all of them at different times and agree with parts of what they say also. I am happy that at this point, we can still do that. I am glad that we don’t all have to think the same about everything. Isn’t that part of our problem right now? — that we have pulled into our enclaves where opinion within each enclave is filled with orthodoxies and homogeneity rather than diversity of opinion? I encounter that bullshit in just having honest input from multiple points of view on things related to environmental and science policy in local enviro group boards, not to speak of that in politics. Our Democratic Party is tearing itself up over differences of opinion and the story of what happened in the fucking past. No one wants to entertain any difference of opinion from their own anymore.
To me its a sign of our times and not particularly healthy for democracy and liberal values. We have lost our way. Just my two cents anyway.
bruce.desertrat
@John Cole: Followed by the lot of ’em at the WaPo, and everyone at the NYT but Krugthulu making up the peloton.
GregB
I am convinced David Brooks is actually 60 hamsters stuffed into a human suit.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
@bruce.desertrat: Blow and Goldberg are worth saving, at least.
bemused
@Amaranthine RBG:
Oh definitely. I never read him. Supposedly he is amusing when he is trying to be but he’s not.
I was horrified when the Trib recently printed an oped from that hate mongering Kersten woman. I hope the paper doesn’t do something stupid and give her a regular gig again.
Doug!
@schrodingers_cat:
That’s what I’m talking about, how he hears a word like “quantum” and writes a whole column based on his desire to use the word.
Doug!
@geg6:
What I’ve learned is that neoconservatism is at least an ethos.
bemused
@Amir Khalid:
I never have the urge to use the word insipid in any way until his name crops up.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
@Elie: This comes unfortunately close to Chait-school “Freeze Peach” territory. It’s possible to frequently – and fundamentally – disagree with pundits without finding them manifestly unfit at their jobs.
Betty Cracker
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): I had somehow never heard of the “Freeze Peach” meme, but by God, that’s useful and so widely applicable these days! Thank you!
TenguPhule
@gbear: Yes.
jl
What a stupid column. Brooks is in there trying mightily to find nuance in the current situation where I don’t see any at all.
Crosby, Ailes, O’Reilly, Weinstein, Toback, Halperin, Spacey, etc, what do we have: use of force, deception, involuntary consumptioo of drugs, threats and intimidation to get sex without informed consent.
I haven’t heard about any women accusing a ‘prospector’ of rape in the news. “Well, this guy was all charming, and he sweet talked me, and I was kind of in the mood, but we didn’t have that sweet deep intimate spiritual bond David Brooks says is required for proper sexytime that means something. The guy raped me.” Naw, the news stories I read don’t say that.
Brooks is certainly the most asinine conservative columnist. He is the chaffmeister of conservative columnists.
Culture of Truth
It’s probably some loon I stopped reading years ago, like Cal Thomas or that black conservative guy. Otherwise, I guess I’d go with Thiessen, since I’m at least dimly aware of his current awfulness. Also, is Paul Gigot still around?
Elie
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
I guess so (if I understand what you are trying to say — not sure that I do)
I do believe that there is increasing resistance to hearing a variety of opinions and ideas anymore. Ideas anymore are just becoming “wrong” or “right”. Its invading everything. I alluded to an occasion where I had to put together a meeting of various stakeholders related to an environmental forum updating the community on what was happening to a fragile aquatic reserve bounded by heavy industry. Folks on the committee literally did not want to hear from one of the stakeholders that had direct impact on the reserve we are nominally trying to protect, because they produce petroleum products. Just didn’t want to hear if or what they were doing to prevent any accident or to have any accountability to the intent of the reserve. They.didnt.want.to.hear.it.because.they.hate.them. I am not kidding.
So yeah, are their columnists and writers that I seek out and really like versus those I disagree with, sometimes vehemently? Yes, of course. But I want to see and read and have access to all of it. I want our university’s to be homes of diverse learning and opinions — not just narrow views of whatever the majority of the students dictate. I know that this is not the focus of this post, but this broader issue is not unrelated. We have to watch what we are doing very carefully these days.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
@Culture of Truth: Yes, and he edits the WSJ op-eds.
schrodingers_cat
@Matt McIrvin: Something like that and how it leads moral decay because of relativism. It was so idiotic, too stupid for words. If it were a freshman essay it would have gotten a zero, but because Bobo wrote it, it was in fucking NYT.
Ridnik Chrome
Horny Prospectors would be a terrible band name.
Culture of Truth
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): ah right. and they’ve gone really crazy lately, I understand.
noncarborundum
Is the Boston Globe a “major outlet”? I haven’t read it in years, but back in the day Jeff Jacoby (who I believe is still there) could be counted on to be cringeworthy on a regular basis. .
Tom
Didn’t Brooks just send wife number one to dumpsville so he could shack up with/eventually make an honest woman of wife number two, his 30 year younger former assistant? Given “party of personal responsibility”, it’s a pity that he’s not too embarrassed to opine on this topic at all.
Mike in NC
Hugh Hewitt is very bad.
walden
So in Brooks’s taxonomy (as informed by Doug’s musical title for this post), the prospector is totally cool if he’s “searching for a heart of gold” in room one, rather than prospecting for sex in rooms 2 or 3? (Really weird metaphors).
But then Brooks says room one has disintegrated into ruins (So he’s “sitting in a burned-out basement”?)
And which room is the dude in if he’s sleeping with his research assistant? (“love the one you’re with”?)
Ridnik Chrome
@Tom: If there was such a thing as a toxic level of hypocrisy, there wouldn’t be a Republican left alive now…
jl
@Tom:I thought Brooks first wife dumped him.
@walden: Maybe someone told Brooks that some more cases will come out of serial harassment. Maybe no overt rape, or dishonest invitations to office so a some jackass could grab tits or jam his dick on someone without any notice. Maybe they were a lighter shade of Ailes and just big shots who just let people, whom they had power over, know that needed to sleep with them or they would have career problems. Need to pro-actively push them into the ‘prospector’ category? This is going on my theory that some Brooks columns are ordered up by various bigshots.
Tom Levenson
It’s not that Brooks is the worst on an absolute measurement (the zero degrees Kelvin on the pundit scale). It’s that he’s the worst who persuades the most otherwise competent folks that he’s making a good point. When Bruni egreges, or Cohen or the rest, the wretchedness of their argument, the thinness of the steps of their “proof” is obvious. Brooks has one great skill: he can mask the assumptions he presents as conclusions better than any of his fellow hacks and drudges.
At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)
@Culture of Truth: They’ve been wingnuts for at least as long as I’ve been alive.
@Elie: The concern about polarization is valid, but unevenly applicable – the left-spectrum’s threshold for “fuck/fire this asshole” are generally notably higher than the right’s, and I can’t recall any famous “mainstream” pundits fired predominantly due to the left’s pressure.
Tom Levenson
@John Cole: I’ll give you a special circle of awfulness for both of those. But, again, they preach to the choir; Brooks deceives the normally sane.
schrodingers_cat
@Tom Levenson: I think it is his mild and affable manner that fools people more than his writerly abilities.
Doug!
@Tom Levenson:
You’re right about that. He’s the most successful propagandist. But…Frank Bruni wrote like 20 articles about nephew’s college application. To me, that’s worse.
amygdala
@Tom Levenson: Egreges as a verb…. I like it.
Hawes
WaPo has a generally good stable of writers, but good Lord, Marc Thiessen and Ed Rogers are a fucking travesty.
Hoodie
They all suck donkey balls, but Brooks is particularly bad because he’s the “reasonable conservative” who’s placed in opposition to a “liberal” counterpart who is typically not that liberal (although Dionne is better than marble mouth Shields). Brooks invariably ends up carrying water for troglodyte winger ideas, but the designated liberal stays pretty middle of the road and won’t call Brooks on promoting nuttery, meaning everything gets warped rightward. There are plenty of god awful conservative columnists like Theissen or gossip pundits like Dowd or Cillizza, but Brooks is probably the most disingenuous.
Hungry Joe
I don’t see Thiessen, so I gotta go with the insufferable prig (Ross Douthat) and the moronic mamma’s boy (Jonah Goldberg).
Matt
Shorter Brooks (this time): “I’m very worried that some of the office staff I put the moves on *before* finding my current wife (at the office) might complain about it, so here’s an article explaining how anything I may or may not have done is the fault of Both Sides”
Elie
@Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
But I am less interested in a comparison to the right than I am that we stay conscious of what WE are doing. We are necessarily the guardians of what remains of the liberal mentality of culture and the enlightened treatment of knowledge, opinion and freedom to chose.
Even among the left anymore, we adhere more and more rigidly to “right thinking” in our notions of what is “allowed”. I live in a very liberal region, but I can tell you anymore that there are hard rules around everything from hatred of the petrochemical industry to whether you wear scent. You may get screamed at in a grocery store if someone takes issue with your perfume. Anymore “diversity” has narrow definitions related to certain groups rather than complex opinions or points of view. And fucking forget nuance. That is gone off the cliff.
We, as hopefully the people interested in maintaining true freedom, need to watch ourselves as much or even more than the right, in my humble opinion. I tell ya, the scales have fallen from my eyes over the last months and I am “woke” in a way that I never was before.
dogwood
Newspaper columnists are simply a reflection of the polarized cable news culture. People are hired because they check off some ideological box that the paper thinks it needs to fill. Writing skills are no longer part of the job description. I used to enjoy William Safire’s columns on language. George Will could write about baseball. Now it’s all political hackery every day. It’s boring and relentless.
jk
I have to go with Maureen Dowd.
PST
@geg6:
Today she has a great column about how thoroughly the new tax bill screws elderly sick people. It’s true, too, with the proviso that the ones who are hurt directly are the ones who were able to save some money. (Those who must rely on Medicaid for nursing home care will be next.) I just recalculated my parent’s 2016 taxes as if under the new law. Their unreimbursed medical expenses were almost equal to their income and they paid little tax. With the Trump bill, they would have paid almost $10,000. The irony is that Dad (who passed away in February) was as Republican as he could be. If I were a Republican in Congress, I would avoid alienating voters like him — old, white, conservative, mildly well-to-do men from red states that occasionally swing blue. They’re the GOP’s natural home, or at least the GOP I grew up with. But what do I know.
J R in WV
I was gonna go with Charles Krauthammer, who writes screechingly horrid screeds, but then someone above mentioned Jonah (“liberals invented fascism”) Greenberg and so I yield to the gentleperson who brought Jonah to the meeting.
emjayay
@noncarborundum: The comic pages are pretty good.
raptusregailter
Brooks is the tote-baggers idea of a smart person. So he and his minions can all go f*** themselves because they deserve each other.
Does Cokie “Both Side Do it” Roberts write a column? She appeals to the same crowd, so ditto for her as well.
And Cal Thomas is pure horseshit, just like that black conservative guy whose name I can’t recall. Both are featured in the Marietta Daily Journal (with bonus appearances by Mann Coulter), the conservative rag for the north Atlanta suburbs which only stays in business because it has a lock on the pages and pages of county legal notices that appear every Friday.