Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

The willow is too close to the house.

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

“Alexa, change the president.”

Shut up, hissy kitty!

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you do not.

Human rights are not a matter of opinion!

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

Republicans: “Abortion is murder but you can take a bus to get one.” Easy peasy.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Everybody saw this coming.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

How any woman could possibly vote for this smug smarmy piece of misogynistic crap is beyond understanding.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

I am pretty sure these ‘journalists’ were not always such a bootlicking sycophants.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

The National Guard is not Batman.

They don’t have outfits that big. nor codpieces that small.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

You are here: Home / Foreign Affairs / Military / Everyone Has Lost Their God Damned Minds

Everyone Has Lost Their God Damned Minds

by | 270 Comments

This post is in: 

I’m convinced:

People with a history of “self-mutilation,” bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse can now seek waivers to join the Army under an unannounced policy enacted in August, according to documents obtained by USA TODAY.

The decision to open Army recruiting to those with mental health conditions comes as the service faces the challenging goal of recruiting 80,000 new soldiers through September 2018. To meet last year’s goal of 69,000, the Army accepted more recruits who fared poorly on aptitude tests, increased the number of waivers granted for marijuana use and offered hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses.

Bowe Bergdahl had a waver to join the Army after washing out of the Coast Guard. That worked out well.

Reader Interactions

270Comments

  3. 3.

    Wapiti

    If we can’t recruit enough people for our military needs, the options should be (a) increase bonuses or pay, (b) reduce our commitments, or (c) declare a national emergency and implement the draft.

    This “solution”… gah. Creating more problems for company and battalion-level officers and NCOs.

  5. 5.

    Ruckus

    JC.
    That’s what happens with countries with huge militaries. Look down through history. They all get their comeuppance sooner or later, be it from over reaching their supplies, human or material or from having over reaching goals of exploitation. Ours may be from the human supplies, although as raven commented it’s not actually new, or from the overreaching goals of destroying the rest of the world.

  10. 10.

    Mary G

    Just what we want, more troubled minds learning to use guns to kill people.

    Attackerman’s big story: EXCLUSIVE: A Green Beret involved in an intelligence activity in Mali discovered 2 Navy SEALs were stealing money from it. Now he’s dead & they’re under investigation for killing him – after picking the worst cover story possible.

  11. 11.

    Baud

    FWIW, the people choosing not to serve under the current Blunderer in Chief haven’t lost their god-damned minds.

  14. 14.

    Ruckus

    @Wapiti:
    A and C are politically impossible. B is completely out of character for conservatives. Ergo you are stuck with what we have, which is trying to be invincible, on the cheap. And that always fails except for blind ass luck.

  15. 15.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    It also fucking floors me that the same people who bitch about trans people serving in the military being bad for morale would probably yawn when informed of this and go back to watching NASCAR.

  17. 17.

    Mai.naem.mobile

    But trying to get DACA recipients or others in similar situations to serve in the Armed Forces is not okay.

  20. 20.

    (((CassandraLeo)))

    I’m certain there are several dozen excerpts from Catch-22 that fit this story, but I’m really just thinking of this line from Silver Mt. Zion: “When the world is sick, can’t no one be well? But I dreamt we was all beautiful and strong.” (I didn’t make any typos; the grammar is like that in the song.) Which is a pretty accurate summation of the novel’s main theme, come to think of it.

    Anyway, the world is sick. I sometimes think the “crazy” ones are the only ones currently responding appropriately, though my own current struggles with mental disorders may be biasing me in that direction.

  21. 21.

    raven

    @? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: Well, in WW2 more than half of the troops did not have a high school diploma. The GI Bill (Servicemen’s Readjustment Act) saw the advent of the GED. It was a way to give credit for things related to whatever MOS (job) a service member had done and then get them a secondary certificate. The education component of GI Bill was for post-secondary so they had to figure out a way to get that high school credential.

  25. 25.

    Ruckus

    @raven:
    I was of course in an “all” volunteer service where basically most everyone was a repair person for some sort of gear and then there were a few people who never did more than paint stuff. And I think that some of them inhaled too many paint fumes.

  30. 30.

    Mike in NC

    @? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: In one of his books on the US Army in WW2, Stephen Ambrose noted that the Great Depression had caused tens of thousands of young men to report to draft boards malnourished, with poor teeth, etc. and many were simply rejected as permanently medically unfit for service.

  31. 31.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    @? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: I linked to that site a few weeks ago. I recall him being fairly good from 2013-15, and Doug! had good words for his tenure at Harper’s…but he seems to gone completely off the deep end after the primaries, and now his writing (and the godawful site design) makes me wonder just how he manages to fund his debilitating cocaine habit.

    It’s like leaving your HS friend at senior year on great terms, and immediately after college graduation you find out he’s a convicted serial pool shitter (something I’ve frequently experienced checking up on my fave left writers post-election). Ken’s also employed the New York Observer‘s resident even-the-leftist Michael Sainato, because of course he did.

  33. 33.

    marv

    This is one thing I posted online a long time ago (like 10 years) – I thought the US Military was hugely invested in no single-payer US health care system because they quite cynically knew the huge percentage of poor white kids who were signing up were signing up for “the benefits”. An awful lot of US kids who wound up going to Iraq and Afghanistan in the early years of this century had enlisted because for the first time they and some family members would have health insurance.

  34. 34.

    raven

    @chris: My FIL told a story of Marines on Saipan after the island was taken. There was a supply compound with booze in it and they just drove up and killed the American guards and helped themselves.

  35. 35.

    Ruckus

    @raven:
    A phd friend of my sister was drafted. He told them that they didn’t want him, he was too smart. That didn’t help him. One day he was told to paint a truck. So he did. Every stinking part of it. Windows, seats, tires, etc, etc. The powers that be were not amused. To say the least. But when questioned his statement was, “The order was to paint the truck. I painted the truck. Had the sargent only wanted the green parts painted he should have ordered that. Had he only wanted the green metal parts painted, that should have been the order. I followed the order to the letter, as I’ve been instructed.”

  41. 41.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    @raven:
    Two Navy Seals from SEAL Team Six were embezzling funds from an Informants fund. Green Beret confronted them about it. They offered to cut him in. He declined. He died from asphyxiation later. Investigators suspect the SEALs killed him.

    Wonder if Kathryn Bigelow will make another movie about this?

  43. 43.

    cain

    I am really enjoying this podcast that this wonderful woman I’m dating pointed out to me. It really looks at the psychology of the left and right. I really suggest listening to it.

    So since moving to Denver, I’ve been dating this wonderful black woman who I’ve started to adore, but she has a red (pink) flag in regards to my ex and my relationship. It will be an interesting discussion but I hope that we can move forward as I really like this woman. I mean, come on, any gal who believes Lost Boys being one of their favorite movies has got to be special! :-)

    Lost Boys rocks.

  45. 45.

    chris

    @raven: I’m sure there are lots of stories but it just seems wrong when the best of the best do it. But then they are SEALS not Boy Scouts.

  47. 47.

    BBA

    Um, why? Are we having another surge in Afghanistan, or did the last one never end?

    Also, why the fuck are we still in Afghanistan? Weren’t we supposed to have declared victory and leave?

  49. 49.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    @Ruckus: One of the weirdest aspects of the descents into pool-shitting is that even with a descent being predictable in descent, it makes weird detours on the way down. Ames & Taibbi: Staunch anti-Putinists who became Russiagate deniers during the primaries. Lee Fang and Zaid Jilani, now overtly anti-black racists. Katie Halper, currently an anti-normie Freeze Peacher who says we should engage with Nazis on, e.g., the economic factors behind the Holocaust (and, for context, is Jewish. Though truthfully, her writing skills were always kind of subpar).

  50. 50.

    oatler.

    The Emperor wants an army to back him up when he goes after Senators and Plebeians, to say nothing of the peasantry.

  51. 51.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    @Baud: Isn’t it kind of serious that members of SEAL Team 6, hyped themselves for the past 5-6 years as heroes, have apparently embezzled gov funds and killed a fellow serviceman to cover it up?

  53. 53.

    Ladyraxterinok

    @raven: Have heard that in WWI military deliberately took in people they thought were mentally weak in order to kill them off.

    Also that scores for many recent immigrants were low and that was used to justify very restrictive immigration laws post WWI.

  56. 56.

    Duane

    It seems with these new relaxed standards, some people could be taken advantage of in order to meet recruiting targets. That would never really happen, of course.

  61. 61.

    jk

    Tom Nichols‏@RadioFreeTom
    The President is tweeting like a mean girl at a rogue nuclear state while we argue over whether a guy in Alabama who dated teens as a grown man should be a US senator.
    We had a good run, America.

  62. 62.

    Ruckus

    @sigaba:
    Which is why this guy was not good for the military. He understood that. I understood it as well it just wasn’t worth the hassle to prove it.

  63. 63.

    Schlemazel

    @raven:
    My Marine buddy got into a firefight with an army firebase because they had beer & would not share. War does horrible things to people and we really should only use it when all else fails, not when it makes certain groups feel good about themselves.

  64. 64.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    5/ Is Trump sucking up to Putin problematic, at least from a technical standpoint? Sure, but let’s never forget that the former Soviet Union beat the Nazis. Legacy matters. And out of Stalin, Lenin and Trotsky, Uncle Joe was the lesser of three evils. Throw in Adolf and he’s the lesser of four. More to the point, Pu(s)t(al)in has played a key role — along with Bashar Al-Assad and Hezbollah— in fighting ISIS. Good for him, it’s more than Obama ever did. And the great foreign policy idea of Hillary — who over the years took far more cash from Russians than Trump (note: citation needed, but I know it’s true)— was to bomb Russian air defense forces in Syria.

    Oh my god. He’s a fucking nut. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would see someone openly admit that they intellectually knew that there was no evidence for Hillary doing something evil; yet still believed in their gut! He acknowledges that Trump is a piece of shit but claims Hillary was just as bad.
    I know that piece was published before PR, but Jesus Christ Trump is getting people killed and all he can bitch about is evil Hitlery?

  65. 65.

    TS

    @Mike in NC:

    In one of his books on the US Army in WW2, Stephen Ambrose noted that the Great Depression had caused tens of thousands of young men to report to draft boards malnourished, with poor teeth, etc. and many were simply rejected as permanently medically unfit for service.

    My father had never seen a dentist until he enlisted in WWII – got his teeth fixed – they lasted until he died at 87.

  67. 67.

    Ruckus

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
    I don’t think they changed as much as they woke up their true feelings. They hadn’t thought about it all that much before. They had exposure that could have taken them one way or another but they woke up saw the writing on their bathroom walls and went with it.

  68. 68.

    Chip Daniels

    Or we could re-evaluate our need for a global police force that defends our interests, as opposed to one that defends our nation.

    Nah, that’s just crazy talk.

  69. 69.

    VOR

    I remember seeing an article, I think at Esquire by former Lt. Colonel Bateman, about how Project 100,000 screwed the services well beyond Vietnam into the mid-late 70s. Many of those recruits stayed in the services and advanced, or failed to advance, through the ranks for a long time after.

  71. 71.

    Ohio Mom

    @Mike in NC: The fact that so many recruits were malnourished and unfit for military service is why we have free school lunches. People think we started that program because we care about poor kids but it’s because we wanted to make sure the draft pool wasn’t full of guys with legs bowed out from rickets.

  73. 73.

    hellslittlestangel

    The government of The Orange Better One isn’t the Third Reich, it’s the fucking Roman Empire.

  74. 74.

    JPL

    @raven: My family shopped at the commissary at Ft. Devens for years. When returning soldiers from wwi arrived in Boston with the spanish flu, they were sent to Devens and it spread from their. The fort has lots of interesting history.

  75. 75.

    SectionH

    @Schlemazel: I was about to say that. I was trying to remember where I saw it…

    Terrible story, but Most shocking story in 15 years, don’t think so.

  76. 76.

    Ruckus

    @TS:
    I know a fellow who was an army officer in Vietnam and he told me that while on patrol one time he got to talking to the oldest guy in the squad. He was married with 3 kids and he joined the army for the dental and healthcare. 15 yrs later the no longer officer was still dumbfounded that anyone would do that. The guy was from Appalachia and had no access to dental or healthcare for him or his family.

  77. 77.

    Ohio Mom

    @cain: Glad to hear things are looking up for you. I remember when you were just settling in in Denver, and feeling a little low. And now you are on the midst of a romantic adventure.

  78. 78.

    ? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
    Headlines from Washington Babylon:
    How A Top Obama Crony Moved From Idaho To a $2 Million Washington Estate

    Homeless Kids & Nancy Pelosi’s Dilettante Daughter: Having fun at the movies while poverty explodes

    Let Sex Workers Deal With Pigs Like Louis C.K. Thanks Rae, but no thanks.

    Hillary Dead-Enders Are As Dumb As Science-Deniers. Plus: Who Killed Paul? Solved

    Get Smart: Donald Trump Is Putin’s Agent? Not so fast — Hillary Clinton Is

    Absolutely insane. The only consolation is that the last headline is from five days ago and there are zero comments, so nobody reading this shit.

    If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was Breitbart.

  82. 82.

    Amir Khalid

    @Brachiator:
    The NRA once advocated gun permits for the blind. Stevie Wonder said of that mess: “Imagine me with a gun. It’s just crazy.”

  84. 84.

    cain

    @Ohio Mom:

    @cain: Glad to hear things are looking up for you. I remember when you were just settling in in Denver, and feeling a little low. And now you are on the midst of a romantic adventure.

    Thank you, it was quite a low time for me. I finally have my own place, which makes all the difference in the world. I feel a lot better of things. I’m enjoying this particular romantic adventure and hope it continues. She’s not so sure as of yet mostly because what she feels about my attachment to my ex-wife, which is based on feeling responsible for her, and more towards duty despite her transgressions towards me. I don’t think of relationships as 1:1, but between families and that rules my actions quite differently.

    Whew, that is more than I was going to say on this topic! :D

  86. 86.

    Snarki, child of Loki

    “My Marine buddy got into a firefight with an army firebase because they had beer & would not share. War does horrible things to people…”

    It all depends.

    How good was the beer?

  87. 87.

    Fair Economist

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    It’s like leaving your HS friend at senior year on great terms, and immediately after college graduation you find out he’s a convicted serial pool shitter (something I’ve frequently experienced checking up on my fave left writers post-election). Ken’s also employed the New York Observer‘s resident even-the-leftist Michael Sainato, because of course he did.

    I know I sound like a tinfoil hat wearer, but with any long-term lefty who’s seemingly gone off the rails when we should be all hands on deck to fight Trump and Putin, I suspect Russian involvement.

    Remember, even a tiny part of 200 billion can buy a lot of bloggers.

  89. 89.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    @Fair Economist:

    I know I sound like a tinfoil hat wearer, but with any long-term lefty who’s seemingly gone off the rails when we should be all hands on deck to fight Trump and Putin, I suspect Russian involvement.

    Based on the evidence so far, I don’t think that assumption is out of left field.

  90. 90.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Ruckus: Drill SGTs in the ’80s still used point out that, for some soldiers, being in the army was the first time they had more than one pair of shoes at a time (2 pairs of boots, one pair of low quarters, and a pair of running shoes).

  93. 93.

    Fair Economist

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    Katie Halper, currently an anti-normie Freeze Peacher who says we should engage with Nazis on, e.g., the economic factors behind the Holocaust (and, for context, is Jewish

    OK, that one really makes my head hurt. But remember, it makes sense for somebody to say *anything* if they’re being paid to do it, and weirdly, the Russian propaganda machine churns out a lot of patent nonsense. Apparently it’s a tactic.

  94. 94.

    Another Scott

    @Baud:

    Spencer Ackerman ‏Verified account @attackerman
    9 hours ago

    Perhaps the most disturbing story I have ever reported in ~15 years of covering national security is coming your way this evening.

    1,574 replies 5,346 retweets 11,556 likes

    Emphasis added.

    It’s pretty disturbing.

    :-(

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  97. 97.

    Suzanne

    DOOD. Had no idea that CARLTON hosts America’s Funniest Videos. I’m totally watching.

    Just watched a dude wipe out on a treadmill. Feeling BETTER!

  98. 98.

    MarkK

    I was stationed at Ft Deven’s 77-78. Had a Top Secret clearance and we were all wild and did tons of drugs. My buddies and I were all ASA/NSA but the Special Forces stationed there were just crazy ( doing hard drugs and some were psychos; one paid another to murder his wife for ex) compared to us. Had a blast and, even though I grew up in Florida, really grew to love the area

  101. 101.

    Mnemosyne

    @cain:

    It might be worth signing up for some therapy, and doing so might help the ladyfriend feel like your girlfriend and not your unpaid therapist. My now-spouse was actually pleased to hear early on that I was in therapy, because he’d dated too many women who seemed to expect him to be their therapist.

  105. 105.

    J R in WV

    Well, isn’t this change just swell !!!

    My nephew Nick sought a waiver to join the Army, and failed, because he is on the spectrum (Asperger’s I think) and took medication for it. Failing to gain admission to the military, he then enrolled in the Texas Law Enforcement Academy, where he succeeded and graduated, now a certified LEO, but not yet employed by a police agency.

    He is really smart, gifted as well as disabled. He has a lot of trouble looking people in the eyes, which means he can’t read people. He doesn’t look ME in the eyes, and I’m his uncle!

    Once we visited them in TX, called their home, talked to my brother, who went out for pizza and we drove up to their house. Knocked on the door, rang the bell. Dog Sparky barked and barked. No answer. We sat on the landscape timbers and debated leaving as it seemed to have been a long time now. Then bro shows up, unlocks door, nephew is in there, didn’t answer the door even thought he knew his relatives were outside in the dark.

    How it this bright young man with a college degree going to do in the military/lpolice??? So sad. My brother never served, so his kids must!

    Raven: Fuck LBJ, yeah, sure… But FUCK TRUMP for needing to acquire more soldiers for his glorious reign over the world… well, a few parts of it that Putin allows him to fuck with, anyway.

    Congress should stop the military from allowing people to enlist who aren’t qualified to serve safely, because lots of people will get hurt without gaining the nation an inch of extra security.

  106. 106.

    Fair Economist

    @chris: Even more disturbing, the Navy SEALS were embezzling from the Mali informant fund – the country from which came the insurgents who ambushed and killed 4 US soldiers last month. Not necessarily connected and we’ll probably never know, but holy ****.

  107. 107.

    Ohio Mom

    @Suzanne: Here’s hoping things look better in the light of tomorrow and that the hangover is bearable…

    Whatever it is, we are all pulling for you.

  109. 109.

    Suzanne

    @Mnemosyne: Did I mention that in addition to my kid being crazy and hating me that I am also in the middle of having a miscarriage and I have a dead fetus in me that refuses to come out?

    I’m not drunk enough to be hung over.

  110. 110.

    cain

    @Mnemosyne:

    It might be worth signing up for some therapy, and doing so might help the ladyfriend feel like your girlfriend and not your unpaid therapist. My now-spouse was actually pleased to hear early on that I was in therapy, because he’d dated too many women who seemed to expect him to be their therapist.

    Oh, I need to go for therapy, but not sure if it is the marriage itself. There are plenty of things that I probably should see a therapist for. The problem was that my life has been in flux for the past 16 months, so it was difficult to even go somewhere because you’re too busy dealing with the personal changes that are happening as is.

    I don’t really talk about my ex. My ex reaches out to me, and it is usually some kind of general thing like something in the house is broken and she needs advice, or I ask her for something that needs to be done. We don’t really talk about feelings, or anything emotional. However, losing my job, spending unemployed over a year, moving to a new place, trying to start a new life all of that is more traumatic. I don’t have any drama with my ex-wife. She’s helped me by supporting me when I was out of work, no questions asked. So I’m grateful.

  113. 113.

    Ohio Mom

    @Suzanne: Rolling my eyes. You are not a terrible parent. Mothering is impossibly hard and you are going through an extremely hard patch, you have a kid with a brain that needs extra help. You are entitled to this night off, don’t waste it beating yourself up.

  115. 115.

    Another Scott

    @Suzanne: I hope you’re getting the help you need.

    You’re going through a lot now – don’t try to carry all the weight all on your own.

    We’re pulling for you and Spawn. Hang in there, and good luck!!

    Best wishes,
    Scott.
    (Whose mom had a ‘spontaneous abortion’ caused by Rubella in the late ’60s – early ’70s.)

  116. 116.

    Suzanne

    @? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: Oddly, if it was going to happen, I am glad it happened this week, as my heart is already feel of feelings and this has fallen to #3 on the list of things I am freaking out about (#2 being my friend who died one week ago today of a terrible infection).

    When it rains, it pours, it seems.
    Carlton it is.

  117. 117.

    cain

    @Ruckus:

    Very good advice.
    People want to be in a personal relationship, not a therapeutic one they aren’t trained for nor getting paid for.

    It’s only been about 4-5 dates. But I don’t really mention my ex other than in anecdote, but most women are quite insightful on these kind of things. But at the same time, she is approaching my relationship with my ex through the lens of her experience. While not 1:1, there are aspects that are true, and some that are not. My reactions are not really related to being angry or emotional.. I’m just not built that way. But we have a difference of opinion which is perfectly fine. Our next date will be about processing our discussion and seeing where it leads.

  118. 118.

    Lyrebird

    @(((CassandraLeo))):

    I sometimes think the “crazy” ones are the only ones currently responding appropriately, though my own current struggles with mental disorders may be biasing me in that direction.

    I think people who make or tacitly approve of these new waiver programs and still without batting an eyelash cut VA funding & reduce support for PTSD treatment & suicide prevention are the REALLY sick ones, but that’s just me!

  121. 121.

    SWMBO

    @Suzanne: Good Lord you’ve had a bad spell. Nothing I can say or do will fix any of this, but if you need to vent, I’ll stay with you all night. It’s not much but I will listen and do what I can from this distance.

  122. 122.

    Ruckus

    @J R in WV:

    because lots of people will get hurt without gaining the nation an inch of extra security.

    Worse, the nation actually loses security, as the people can not or will not do the job assigned to them, and they will get a job assigned to them because we are undermanned for the desires of the political class. People get rotated till they quit or fuck up badly. Take the accidents with the navy in the Pacific. Rather than hire and train more, they trained less and worked much longer. Which in the history of man has never worked out well.

  123. 123.

    Mnemosyne

    @Suzanne:

    Also, too, re-read this when you’re sober:

    The next few months are going to suck. They just are. You’re basically going to have every single mistake you ever made as a parent thrown in your face and held up for criticism and examination.

    BUT.

    If you are able to go in with an open mind and be willing to really listen and change, you will come out of this with a better, stronger relationship with your Spawn than you can even dream of right now. It will be hard, hard work, but if you do the work, it will happen. Believe me, the time to do this hard work is now, not when she’s 30 and refuses to speak to you anymore.

    And you can come here and vent about how fucking hard it is anytime you want if it gives you the strength to keep grinding away at it, but if you keep grinding away and you’re honest with yourself and your Spawn, it will get better.

  124. 124.

    Adria McDowell

    Noooooooooooooooooope!

    I won’t co-sign on this fuckery. This is a terrible, horrible idea. Just see some of the aftermath of “the surge” and the recruiting that had to put those bodies there.

  127. 127.

    Suzanne

    @cain:

    Our next date will be about processing our discussion and seeing where it leads.

    No offense, but that sounds like a terrible date. You’re not even at 10 dates. You should still be having fun and seeing if you two can even endure one another’s company for more than a few hours at a stretch. Go play air hockey or something.

  129. 129.

    dmsilev

    @Suzanne: Jeez. Even one of those would be horrible on its own, and to have everything stacked up at once. Hope things look up for you soon.

  130. 130.

    danielx

    @Suzanne:

    You are going through a horrible time, but your spawn doesn’t truly hate you though she may think so at the moment. You do have friends and support here and I hope where you are in the physical world.

    It does get better.

  131. 131.

    Mary G

    @Suzanne: Oh honey, that is tragic. My mom had more than one miscarriage, and they gutted her. You drink and watch bad TV and do anything that makes you feel better. I am pulling for you, and praying. I wish I could get in my car and drive to Phoenix and give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

    You are a great mother to Spawn. She is where she needs to be in her journey. While I’m spouting platitudes, remember what they told me a million times when I had to be locked up in a hospital: relapse is part of recovery.

    ETA: Godalmighty, I wrote that before I read the one about your friend dying. You are literally in a shit storm.

  133. 133.

    Ruckus

    @Lyrebird:
    They know they will never be affected, so they don’t care. It’s like their fellow man or woman doesn’t exist, only money exists and nothing is as important as money.

  134. 134.

    Suzanne

    @Mnemosyne: I am fantasizing about sending her to an orphanage or boarding school and Mr. Suzanne is making me swear to go into therapy.

    This has been a hard week.

    And Trump is still the president and I cannot emphasize enough how much that upsets me.

  136. 136.

    Roger Moore

    @Ruckus:

    He was married with 3 kids and he joined the army for the dental and healthcare. 15 yrs later the no longer officer was still dumbfounded that anyone would do that. The guy was from Appalachia and had no access to dental or healthcare for him or his family.

    For a very long time, people enlisted because it was a way of getting three squares a day, at least during peacetime. And there’s always this old saw:

    The conscription calls out a share of every class — no matter whether your son or my son — all must march; but our friends — I may say it in this room — are the very scum of the earth. People talk of their enlisting from their fine military feeling — all stuff — no such thing. Some of our men enlist from having got bastard children — some for minor offences — many more for drink; but you can hardly conceive such a set brought together, and it really is wonderful that we should have made them the fine fellows they are.

  137. 137.

    J R in WV

    @Ruckus:

    A guy who played Sousaphone with me in high school band for years… Skip, shot his brother in their jointly owned and managed business. Judge asked father of both guys how many years to sentence Skip, 10 years was the answer, and 10 it was. Don’t know how he’s doing now.

    Skip sat next to me in band in Jr High and High School, at least 4 years. We got along great. You never know, do you?

  143. 143.

    Lyrebird

    @Suzanne:

    in addition to my kid being crazy and hating me…

    Given the first, the second means you’re doing your Mom job.

    So so sorry on your loss & medical nightmare.

    Hang in.

    Thanks for telling us about MacMansions 101.

  144. 144.

    Ruckus

    @Suzanne:
    Wow. So very sorry. I’ve had shit pile on before but this is not something I can come close to relating to. I hope things work out. I can, like most of the others here, lend a shoulder, even if it is a virtual one.

  145. 145.

    Suzanne

    @Mary G: This is #3 in a row. Not feeling great about future prospects.

    Whatever. Life is too short to be miserable. So I won’t.

  146. 146.

    Lyrebird

    @Ruckus: Yeah. When I draw the “teaching intro psych” straw, I have a short list of things I really really want the kids to walk out with. Teaching them not to accept dismissals of PTSD is one of those things.

  147. 147.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Suzanne: My great great grandfather had that happen to him in during the march from Atlanta To Savannah. He suffered a “rupture.” He got a pension for it.

  148. 148.

    Mnemosyne

    @Suzanne:

    I love therapy. Seriously. Someone who has to sit and listen to my shit for a whole hour while I talk solely about myself and my problems? Someone whose entire job is to help me figure out what I need to do to feel better? I don’t know why I waited so long to do it.

    Find a therapist that you’re comfortable talking to but who is also willing to call you on your shit. That person is worth their weight in gold. Don’t be afraid to quiz them about politics in the first session — that’s the “first date” and you want to make sure that you’re both on the same page before you let your guard down. Don’t settle — keep looking until you find the right person that you have good chemistry with. And at this exact moment in your life, someone who specializes in grief might be a good idea.

  149. 149.

    Suzanne

    @Ruckus: Thanks, y’all. I normally don’t like to share this kind of thing, but this has been a hard week. It has been a bad run of it, and I would like to think that I am due for some happiness.

  150. 150.

    cain

    @Suzanne:

    No offense, but that sounds like a terrible date. You’re not even at 10 dates. You should still be having fun and seeing if you two can even endure one another’s company for more than a few hours at a stretch. Go play air hockey or something.

    Yeah, I agree, it does seem a little too early to be getting this deep.. but whatever. I’m still in just having fun. She’s probably more intense than I am. If she wants to bring it up now, I’m okay with talking about it, and she can accept my situation or not and it will be up to her. I’m confident in where I am emotionally right now. I think part of it is that we text every day and words have amazing power to affect people. (I say this as someone who has been online since 1986, and have observed a lot of how we communicate through the written word – nevermind that I’m sure that’s how my wife got seduced by her now boyfriend)

    We can definitely endure each others company, there is definitely this energy between us, but meh, too much thinking. there are a LOT more issues going forward than my wife I think :D

  152. 152.

    Ruckus

    @cain:
    It isn’t that your ex is the problem or not. It’s having an outlet that is not your new friend because most people want to be in a positive relationship, not one filled with the past. Especially if the past revolves around another person. No matter how the split happened, good or not, that person was there first and the next person always feels competition.

  154. 154.

    Suzanne

    @Mnemosyne: I hate therapy. I am far too Protestant to feel good about it (despite the Italian DNA). I have been, and I hate it. I went once, and I saw the doctor’s note: “PATIENT CAME TO UNLOAD.” Fuck you, doctor.

    As (probably) typical for someone who does what I do, I am deeply focused on planning and strategy. And I hate feelings. Therapy is waaaaay too much about feelings and nowhere near enough about FIXING for me. Feelings are terrible.

  155. 155.

    Mary G

    @Mnemosyne: This. Therapy saved my life. I went through a succession of blind dates with therapists who didn’t fit. One of them said to me “You make good money for a woman, you are buying a house, what’s the problem?” I didn’t even stay the whole 50 minutes, just gave him a check and a piece of my mind and moved on. Finally I found a woman with great art and magazines like Mother Jones in the waiting room and she helped me immeasurably.

  156. 156.

    Mnemosyne

    @cain:

    You have to work through those feelings and events, or else they jump out later and wreck things. Suppressing your feelings only makes you feel worse and then you start trying to make everyone around you as miserable as you are.

    And please note: I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist. I’m just a patient who’s had a lot of successful psychotherapy. It wasn’t easy or cheap or quick, but it worked.

  158. 158.

    Mary G

    @Suzanne: When I was in the hospital, they gave us that chart with what we now call emojis showing different feelings and we all hated it. The most fun we had was sitting in the hall betting on which elevator dinner would arrive on and singing “FEELINGS, ALL THESE FUCKING FEELINGS” at the top of our lungs.

  159. 159.

    Suzanne

    @cain: i would be more focused on making sure your politics and kinks align at this stage rather than hashing through shit about the ex.

    Dudes that got too heavy too fast always sent me running for the goddamn hills. Because, as I can personally attest, LIFE IS DIFFICULT AND TERRIBLE, and the first and foremost thing we need in a partner is someone who makes it slightly easier and less terrible.

  160. 160.

    Fair Economist

    @Suzanne: FWIW if your kid says they hate you it means they love you but they are mad or upset. If they really hate you they don’t say it. Also, to some extent teens are *supposed* to get upset with their parents – possibly because it makes them move around and spread their genes.

    Sorry about what you are going through. All this will get better eventually, believe it or not.

  161. 161.

    Suzanne

    @Mary G:

    singing “FEELINGS, ALL THESE FUCKING FEELINGS” at the top of our lungs

    Yeah, that’s about how I feel about it.
    I may have been overheard to say “Hope is stupid” and “Feelings are for dumb people” this week.

  163. 163.

    Another Scott

    @Suzanne: I get where you’re coming from. I’m not much of a talker, either, especially about feelings.

    I don’t really have any suggestions, but I hope you find a way to get through these dark days relatively quickly.

    Just thinking out loud – Can you take some time off (sometime soon) to go to the mountains or something? We enjoy hiking and it helps us both regenerate and use up stressful energy. Something like that?

    Good luck.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  164. 164.

    Lyrebird

    @Suzanne: Well, while you’re considering free advice from the interwebz, Shortcut through Therapy is available for about three bucks plus shipping from A-mart :-]

    You might either enjoy the author’s informed critiques of some problems with therapy or you might find that you and Spawn agree about how gosh darned stupid it all is, and thereby increase your common ground!

    I offer this mostly to help you laugh some more, but the book’s not bad.

  165. 165.

    Suzanne

    @Lyrebird: Ooooh, thank you for the suggestion! Despite my aversion to anything even in the same galaxy at self-help, I did buy a book called “Fuck Feelings”, and I did enjoy it more than I thought I would.

    This couple just won $10K for the dude losing his wedding ring in his wife’s ass crack (and capturing this all on video) and now I am questioning all of my career choices.

  167. 167.

    Mnemosyne

    @Suzanne:

    I am slightly reluctant to recommend this because I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL, but CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) or a similar structured therapy might be better for you than psychoanalysis or other unstructured therapy. The one thing to watch out for is that apparently a lot of therapists claim they do CBT but aren’t actually certified in it. You want someone with the real, actual, intensive training, not someone who did a weekend seminar.

    And when you look at the blurbs that therapists write about themselves, look for phrases like “goal-centered.” You’ll still end up having to talk about feelings, but it will probably be in a more structured way that you may be more comfortable with than just trying to freestyle.

    Again: I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL. This is strictly consumer advice, like a Yelp or Amazon review. Please add salt to everything I’m saying.

  168. 168.

    Lyrebird

    @Suzanne:

    This couple just won $10K for the dude losing his wedding ring in his wife’s ass crack (and capturing this all on video) and now I am questioning all of my career choices.

    Great if any of my comments are of use, and thank you for sharing this.

    I would not care to see that video, but I do so hear you on the bolded part above!

  170. 170.

    Suzanne

    @Mnemosyne: The goal-centeredness part of therapy is also something to which I am deeply averse, because my real goal is to flee the country and everyone I know and go live under a bridge in Germany or France or somewhere and just have the least possible amount of responsibility that I possibly can.

    Ethical therapy is not really going to encourage me to go down that road.

  172. 172.

    J R in WV

    @Suzanne:

    I’ve already told you how sorry I am that Elder Spawn is ill and hospitalized. I know that makes you feel helpless and out of control…

    Now learning about your miscarriage, I am so sorry to hear that terrible news. You need to see your own OB-GYN immediately, and if they can’t help right now, carefully select a local hospital for their ER reputation and go there ASAP.

    Don’t fool around with a situation that can go septic. My wife spent 59 days recovering from septic shock from pneumonia and a necrotic lung… 21 days on a vent in MICU. And I am so sorry, please take care of yourself, so that you can help care for all the spawn kids. B J hugs for you!!!! From all of us! And keep in touch!

  173. 173.

    Fair Economist

    @Suzanne:

    This couple just won $10K for the dude losing his wedding ring in his wife’s ass crack (and capturing this all on video) and now I am questioning all of my career choices.

    Nah, it’s not a career. You can only do it once and is it really worth having your ass crack on national TV for that?

  174. 174.

    cain

    @Ruckus:
    I hear you. I’ll need to keep any kind of issues with my wife to myself. Other than that, we have a pretty good time. I’ll just need to keep my fool mouth shut. I’m sure there are probably other traps out there. :)

  175. 175.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Suzanne:

    and go live under a bridge in Germany or France or somewhere

    France, southern France. You wouldn’t like the German winter.

  176. 176.

    SWMBO

    @Suzanne: I was in therapy for years with a cognitive behaviorist. She would drag out the feelings and then help me find a way to deal with them. She would take what I had to deal with and give me coping strategies to deal with each situation. Don’t go for Rogerian therapy (reflective therapy–“how do you feel about that? How should you deal with that?) You want someone who listens and offers practical suggestions. Good luck.

  178. 178.

    Mnemosyne

    @Suzanne:

    Test it out.

    Seriously, take yourself off for a solo vacation someplace you’ve never been before and only check in once a day so your husband knows you’re still alive.

    Solely from knowing you here online, I’m pretty sure you’ll be climbing the walls within a couple of days looking for things to do.

  179. 179.

    Suzanne

    @J R in WV: I have a D&C scheduled for Tuesday, so if it doesn’t happen on its own by then, it will be taken care of. I already saw the doctor and he is concerned about sepsis, too. Not to mention, this has been a big stressor.

    Thanks for letting me blar blar blar, y’all. It means a lot. I haven’t told anyone I know IRL. I will put on my big-girl panties tomorrow and get on with shit. I know bad times don’t last forever. I just feel like I’ve been punched while I’m already down and I could use a break.

  181. 181.

    Ruckus

    @J R in WV:
    I went to 12 yrs of school with her. We were in the same church. We were not real close friends but I had been to her house, I knew her folks, her adopted brother and sister, we lived within 3 blocks of each other. I would never have believed her if she had told me the story.

  182. 182.

    Suzanne

    @Omnes Omnibus: I live through 120 degree summers. A German winter sounds like just the thing.

    I like Germany. They’re a no-bullshit people.

    @Mnemosyne: Yeah, I don’t do nothing very well. It’s the Protestant thing again—I can hear my grandfather telling me YOU’RE LAZY and he died twenty years ago this year. I should learn.

  184. 184.

    Mary G

    @Suzanne: As someone who spends a lot of time in medical facilities, your career choice was perfect. I was at a doctors’ office block this week that did a major remodel this year, putting in designer carpets and stainless steel doodads and stone accent walls, but could not be bothered to replace the entrance door from the 60s, a narrow, heavy as fuck manual door that only opens by pulling it outward by hand, which is impossible to do in a mobility scooter and nearly impossible in a wheelchair. Every time I go I have to bring someone or sit there until a good samaritan comes along, and I say to myself, “Suzanne would have fixed this.”

  186. 186.

    Suzanne

    @SWMBO: Typically, my coping strategies work pretty well. I clean a lot and I make art stuff and I spoon the dog and I say dark, sarcastic, horrible things in private because that is how I ensure that they never happen. This week is doing a good job of overwhelming me, though.

  187. 187.

    hellslittlestangel

    @Ruckus: … the 3 stooges suffer concussions and do insanely stupid shit that kills the audience.

    Yes, the late Roman Empire.

  189. 189.

    cain

    @Mary G:
    I tried to get a therapy and yeah, it was difficult. I need to find a decent therapist, but Denver is very car friendly and I don’t have a car yet which makes making those appointments needlessly long. I’ll get there somehow. Marriage counseling was hard too because I needed to find an Indian who could understand the culture and arranged marriages and so forth.

  190. 190.

    Kay

    DeVos tried to hire one of her Michigan political cronies at the US Department of Education, but “the deep state” then made the Trump Administration pull the nominee:

    Kelly confirmed to POLITICO that his nomination was pulled because of statements that he made on his blog, the “Citizen Leader,” between 2009 and 2012. He said that none of the statements he made were “out of the mainstream.”
    “They asked me, ‘When are you going to give us a letter of resignation?'” Kelly said. “I said, ‘It’s your nomination, you take it away!’
    “If people read the [blog] posts, people will think … this guy got a bad deal,” he said. “I’m appalled that people would take this out of context. … I wrote this blog several years ago.
    “Someone from inside leaked this,” he added. “I wasn’t ever hiding it. I was forthcoming with it from the get-go.”

    I love how crazy and paranoid they all are. Someone “leaked” it – like anyone gives a shit about this guy or his political patronage position.

    He’s mad at the Trumpsters:

    Kelly said the Trump administration has also been vetting his Twitter account and he was recently approached with a “new list” of tweets that “Democrats might find offensive.” He would not say who approached him, and would not disclose whether the Education Department or the White House informed him he would no longer be a nominee.
    He said he has been “wrestling” with his nomination for months, asking himself, “What am I getting myself into?”
    “I don’t see why anybody with any sense wants to go there,” Kelly said. “They take good people and ruin them.”

  191. 191.

    Suzanne

    @Mary G: Yes, that door needs an auto-opener with a push plate! I put them in all the time! That is bizarre that they didn’t put one in. They’re not a rare item these days.

  192. 192.

    cain

    @Mnemosyne:
    yes, I definitely need it and even for the marriage, as it has created a lot of anxiety that I have to deal with. But my feelings towards the woman is muted, I’ve forgiven all and moved on.

  193. 193.

    Suzanne

    @Mary G: I should note that I generally enjoy my job, and they did give me a very generous pay raise this year, but it still doesn’t compete with ten grand for losing a ring in one’s ass crack. That’s the kind of derp-ass shit I do all the time and yet have not figured out how to monetize.

  194. 194.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Shana: No. The NHS happened because Labour won the first election after the war. Sometimes good things happen for non-cynical reasons.

  195. 195.

    cain

    @Suzanne:

    @cain: i would be more focused on making sure your politics and kinks align at this stage rather than hashing through shit about the ex.

    True, and I certainly am not that type. I just wanted to have fun. But I’m really intrigued by her. But yeah, she definitely has intensity to her, we’ll see how it goes. I’m not hung up on it, if it works out, that’s great. Otherwise, I move on.

  197. 197.

    Mary G

    @cain: Therapists are like spouses, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I hope you don’t give up trying. I remember how dubious you were before your move, so I am happy you found a lady you like there.

  198. 198.

    SWMBO

    @Suzanne: My therapist helped me a lot when my son had to be hospitalized for hearing voices telling him to kill himself or someone else (mostly me). She gave me practical strategies for dealing with the doctors and staff and other patients. I wanted to see him every day and the hospital only allowed twice a week visits, for instance. She told me to talk to the psychiatrist and get him to let me in more. I went in and heaped praise on him for helping my son so much but I really felt W needed to maintain connections with the outside world and if there was anything he could do, would he help with getting me in to see him more often. He wrote it in his orders that I was allowed in every day. Another hospital had an inpatient psychiatrist that refused to meet with me. I left word that a psychiatrist that practiced avoidance behaviors probably wasn’t any good. He came out to see me in less than 15 minutes.
    Even if you get just validation for your feelings and the courage to get back to it, that’s something.

  203. 203.

    J R in WV

    @Suzanne:

    You should call off work tomorrow, and not wear any panties unless the mood strikes you!! You aren’t contagious, but you might need to cry at any moment, and shouldn’t have to explain that to anyone you don’t want to.

    Best luck Tuesday. Please do keep us posted… Jackal pack cares!

  206. 206.

    Suzanne

    @cain: Honestly, people who get into heavy important stuff too soon…..red flag. Date #6 should be more like going to play minigolf, and the loser has to provide oral favors to the winner.

  207. 207.

    Ruckus

    @Suzanne:
    Memns posted at 148 about a therapist. I got lucky. Carol was recommended to me by a friend and she was great, exactly like memns said, she listened, she called me on my crap (and yes everyone has crap. we wouldn’t be human without some. the trick is to learn to clean yourself when necessary) and she made valuable points to me that allowed me to learn myself better, to be less reactive and more thoughtful, that anger is a normal emotion but to recognize it for what it is and not to suppress it till it overwhelms and to deal better with other people’s crap. And I had been trained and done that for others 20 yrs before.
    Some times you just need a shoulder for your crap. Or the keys to a bulldozer if it gets real deep. I remember what I told the XO on my last ship on my last day in the navy when he told me I’d reenlist, my kind always does. “I have a friend whose dad owns a dairy and he has lots of cows. Each one of those cows shits every day, all day and someone has to shovel that shit. I will shovel that cow shit all day, every day for the rest of my natural life before I come back and work for people like you.”
    We all have a lot of shit in our lives, we all shovel just to keep from the shit from getting too deep.
    Some of us have to shovel most every day.
    You don’t want to but you do get used to it and there are days that have no shit. I used to think that good days had rainbows and sunshine. If I’ve learned anything in almost 7 decades, it’s that days without shit shoveling are the good days.

  209. 209.

    Yarrow

    @Suzanne:
    Suzanne, I am so sorry for what you’re dealing with right now. What a shit ton of crap all at the same time. Do whatever you need to to to get through.

    As (probably) typical for someone who does what I do, I am deeply focused on planning and strategy. And I hate feelings. Therapy is waaaaay too much about feelings and nowhere near enough about FIXING for me. Feelings are terrible.

    There are therapies that are more active in moving you forward rather than just having you sit there are talk about your feelings. I have a friend who got past a very difficult experience in his life via a variation of cognitive behavioral therapy. He had homework. They worked on strategies in his sessions. It’s possible to find a therapy experience that isn’t just talk therapy. That might fit better with your personality.

    I’m so sorry about the miscarriage too. The hormonal crap associated with that is enough to send you spinning. Just keep that in the back of the mind that some of what you’re feeling is your hormones totally fucking you over right now.

  210. 210.

    rikyrah

    POLITICO‏Verified account @politico

    .@BernieSanders writes in @POLITICOMag: “It is absurd that the Democratic Party now gives over 700 superdelegates…the power to control the nominating process and ignore the will of voters” politi.co/2yVoVz2

    Bakari Sellers‏Verified account @Bakari_Sellers

    Bakari Sellers Retweeted POLITICO

    This literally has never happened. Bernie’s senior advisor Tad Devine created superdelegates.

  211. 211.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Suzanne:

    but it still doesn’t compete with ten grand for losing a ring in one’s ass crack

    Seems like I may have missed a comment somewhere along the line.

  212. 212.

    Mary G

    @Yarrow: @Suzanne: Yeah, my two best therapists always assigned me homework of making lists. Lists of bad things people did to me. List of bad things I did to myself. Lists of things I could do to change a particular situation, etc. etc. Like you, I am more receptive to doing than talking.

  213. 213.

    rikyrah

    Oliver Willis‏Verified account @owillis

    Why do u think the Dems who raise hell on Twitter are so popular and refreshing? So few Democrats do it. We all know who Ted Lieu is now because the man has a pulse while most dems bite their tongues.
    1:03 PM – 12 Nov 2017

  216. 216.

    Suzanne

    @Ruckus: I am fun on dates. I also suggest activities that I am good at, so I have a better chance of winning. (See my previous comment about strategy.)

    @Yarrow: I’ll look into it. I have tried it a couple of times. My philosophy has just always been, “If something sucks, CHANGE THE SUCKY THING”, and that has served me well. I have never been too timid to make big changes, get out of crappy relationships, jobs, etc. Far from it…..I am actually the other extreme, who dives headlong into things. The problem that I am having right now, though, is that there is no way to change this situation—at least, no way that I personally can change the situation—and so I have to learn to accept it AND I DO NOT ACCEPT THINGS WELL. Serenity, I do not haz it.

  217. 217.

    rikyrah

    Kyle Griffin‏Verified account @kylegriffin1
    2h2 hours ago

    The House Rules Committee, controlled by Paul Ryan, just set a new record for the most closed rules in a session—barring lawmakers for the 49th time from offering amendments on a bill.

  218. 218.

    cain

    @Mary G:

    @cain: Therapists are like spouses, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I hope you don’t give up trying. I remember how dubious you were before your move, so I am happy you found a lady you like there.

    Yeah, I was dubious, I think I got past the hump. I’m enjoying my time, but hey, if it doesn’t work out, that’s the way it goes. :)

  219. 219.

    J R in WV

    @cain:

    And aren’t you the Jackal who is working for System 76?

    We just bought a laptop from them, and then I get a msg from them about how they have a proprietary version of Linux they will be installing on all their products… now what?

    Is there Ubuntu news I haven’t heard out here in the sticks?

    Enjoy your new girlfriend, don’t let the old girl get in the way – just tell her you won’t to that, the old girl isn’t in the wheelhouse any more. Has no charge over the steering!!

  220. 220.

    rikyrah

    Legal Defense Fund‏Verified account @NAACP_LDF

    The speed with which the federal courts are being reshaped w/nominees deemed unqualified by the @ABAesq & who oppose #civilrights is breathtaking. We must #protectthecourts.

  221. 221.

    Emma

    @Suzanne: Oh God. Dear God in heaven. There are no words. There will be prayers and entreaties and even knock-down arguments with God. Please care for yourself at least half as you care for your family.

  222. 222.

    Suzanne

    @Gin & Tonic: I have been coping this evening by drinking this premixed peach bellini stuff from Trader Joe’s that tastes like something I would have drunk in college while watching Alfonso Ribeiro (aka CARLTON from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) hosting America’s Funniest Videos, and the winning video was of a chick freaking out because she lost her husband’s wedding ring at the beach but then she found it in her ass crack, and I am wondering why I spend over a hundred grand getting an education (albeit at Arizona State so it doesn’t count really) if I could have just won a fat stack hiding things in my ass.

  223. 223.

    cain

    @Suzanne:

    @cain: Honestly, people who get into heavy important stuff too soon…..red flag. Date #6 should be more like going to play minigolf, and the loser has to provide oral favors to the winner.

    That sounds like a fun date! :) I don’t understand why I can’t get one of those. I had one that was pretty flirty and stuff, and then she had another date and went with the other guy.. I suspect politics was involved.. she was a teacher with a bit of a libertarian streak.

  224. 224.

    Ruckus

    @Suzanne:
    I was an industrial designer, among other duties, have designed and made my own products. Thinking, planning, building and all that are well and good but this half Sicilian atheist has been on both sides of the counseling couch and it was one of the better things I ever did. Memns stated a very, very necessary part of this, you have to find someone who fits with both you and your problems. Otherwise it will not work. You will be pissed at the counselor because he/she doesn’t actually care about you. Think of it as finding a professional best friend. That’s the person you want to talk to. No matter who it is the first few sessions will be like first dates. But by the fourth or maybe sixth date(session) it clicks. To show you how important this was to me, my health insurance paid for some number of sessions. I paid every penny out of my pocket. This was about me, not insurance, not anyone else, including the lady I saw every week. This was for me. And I thought I was a pretty good person. I may have been but remember we all have crap and I’m no different. Turns out I didn’t/don’t have a bulldozer’s worth so I’m ahead of a lot of people.

  225. 225.

    Mary G

    Politico Magazine, which I really like these days, has a great profile of Jerry Brown, President of the Independent Republic of California this weekend.

    He’s been barnstorming the world talking about the only two issues he cares about these days, climate change & nuclear nonproliferation.

    The prospects were so dire—floods and fires, but also forced migration, famine and war—that some of the participants acknowledged difficulty staving off despair.

    California’s doomsayer governor did not express much optimism either. Seated between an economist and an Argentine bishop at the Pontifical Academy of Sciences, Brown leaned into his microphone and said, “It is despairing. Ending the world, ending all mammalian life. This is bad stuff.”

    “There’s nothing that I see out there that gives me any ground for optimism,” he went on. Still, he promised action: “I’m extremely excited about doing something about it.”

    and

    Brown insisted to his audience at the Vatican that these policies do not reflect the true sensibilities of the United States.

    “This is not just a top-down structure that we have in the United States,” the governor said. The small crowd burst into applause when he added, “Over time, given the commitments that we’re seeing in this room today, and what we’re seeing around the world, the Trump factor is very small, very small indeed.”

    He says he’s retiring to a remote ranch in No. Cal, but hints he might not be done talking.

  227. 227.

    cain

    @J R in WV:

    I am their community manager. :-) The OS isn’t proprietary it is based on GNOME and Ubuntu. But they are handling all the problems with it and fix it themselves. I’m not sure who the Jackal is? If I picked up that name, I would really like to know how.

    She isn’t my girlfriend yet. The jury is still out, we’ll know how things go after our next date/talk or however you want to call it. There is chemistry, but I suspect she has more issues than I do. :-) We’ll see how things go along, but one thing for sure I’m no good for anything other than a casual relationship, I’m still separated, even though I did put my paperwork for my divorce. My ex is dragging her feet on this whole thing

  228. 228.

    Yarrow

    @Suzanne: I totally get it. As you said, right now you’re in a situation you can’t leave and you can’t really change some aspects of it. So you’ve got to find a way to deal with it somehow. Or not. That’s also a tactic, but it does have downsides.

  229. 229.

    Feathers

    @Suzanne: so sorry about the miscarriage. They are horrible and painful and last for days, which no one seems to understand. My marriage basically ended when I had one and my husband was an asshole about it. The trust that he’d take care of me when things got bad was shattered and I also realized I was done with his shit.

    One the therapy front, I would recommend DBT, especially if you hate the feely stuff. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is basically CBT in a group, with education about your particular flavor of mindfuckedupedness, with a dose of nobody really wants to deal with your shit, so how are you going to get your ass together so that they don’t have to. My main takeaway was realizing that when my mind was turning into a bad neighborhood, I shouldn’t really spend much time there – be around upbeat people, go to good movies, stay away from my family… just realizing I’ve been blue lately, Time for some mind gentrification.

    On the Spawn front, I had a friend who was a child psychologist. He said that the toughest thing he had to get through to parents was that the battles were generational, not personal.

    And getting drunk sounds like a great choice to have made. I just tried Angry Orchard Easy Apple – Less Sugar and it was mighty damn tasty.

  230. 230.

    Shalimar

    @rikyrah: Iirc, the argument Bernie was making for not conceding after the last primary was that he could convince the superdelegates to overturn the will of the majority of voters and support him instead of Hillary Clinton. If he weren’t such a huge fucking hypocrite, I would still be a supporter today.

    Voters supported Hillary. The superdelegates also supported Hillary. Fuck Bernie. The end.

  232. 232.

    SFAW

    @Suzanne:

    I’m sorry that so many things are making your life harder than it should be. No good “advice” (for which you should be thankful [that I don’t, that is]) so I will just keep thinking of you

  233. 233.

    Suzanne

    @Feathers:

    And getting drunk sounds like a great choice to have made. I just tried Angry Orchard Easy Apple – Less Sugar and it was mighty damn tasty.

    You know what was awesome? The other night, I got stoned and watched Jackass. What a great combination.

  234. 234.

    Ruckus

    @Mary G:
    I’ve told this here before but I spent 2 months in the hospital while in the navy. One of the things they made me do was go to group on the psych ward. There were 2 of us that got let in and out the 2 sets of locked doors every day. The fellows living on the ward were there mostly because they had broken down in some way. They had what we now know as PTSD. I may have as well. I wonder to this day if that group helped some of them at all. Listening to them gave me perspective, which was something. But I’d bet that some of them are still well fucked up, 45 yrs later. Being locked on that ward for even an hour or 2 a day was not the most fun or productive thing I’ve ever done, that’s for sure.

  235. 235.

    Mnemosyne

    @Suzanne:

    I could have just won a fat stack hiding things in my ass.

    Here in California, being willing to put things in your ass gets you jobs in an entirely different industry.

    C’mon, we were all thinking it. ?

  236. 236.

    Ruckus

    @cain:
    There are other traps. That’s what we are suggesting therapy for. For some of us (not me!) our parents were great teachers on how to live as an adult. For many, we were self taught. Of course we knew none of the material, hated the tests so we didn’t learn anything from them, and generally fucked up the final. Some of us were/are in the middle ground where we faked it OK, learned a little and managed to avoid most of the pitfalls. Therapy is one of the tools to help those in the 2nd and 3rd groups, which is most of us. And every once in a while someone in the first group just needs a refresher course.

  237. 237.

    rikyrah

    uh huh

    uh huh

    Blue Virginia‏ @bluevirginia

    Rogue Stafford County Registrar Goes “Into Hiding,” Takes Down Twitter and Facebook Accounts bluevirginia.us/2017/11/rogue-stafford-county-registrar-goes-into-hiding-takes-down-twitter-and-face… … via @bluevirginia
    10:37 AM – 11 Nov 2017

    twitter.com/bluevirginia/status/929417765483622401

    waltb31‏ @waltb31

    waltb31 Retweeted Blue Virginia

    ? Alert! ? @MarkHerringVA @JoyAnnReid @maddow @AliVelshi @timkaine @RalphNortham @FBI GOP Virginia Stafford County Registrar trying to fix the Va House election by not counting votes! @virginianpilot @washingtonpost @RTDNEWS @Daily_Press #VoterSuppression

    twitter.com/waltb31/status/929857148665950208

  238. 238.

    rikyrah

    Jon Favreau
    ✔
    @jonfavs

    I assume we’ll soon be treated to months of Northam voters pieces, where journalists interview northern Virginia suburbanites to understand how they could’ve missed the story of the 2017 election.
    1:09 PM – Nov 12, 2017

  239. 239.

    rikyrah

    Frank Schaeffer @Frank_Schaeffer

    Too many white Democrats are courting white bigot religiously deluded Republicans too busy looking backward to give a damn about our future. Meanwhile black women consistently get our politics right. Take back the House in 2018!
    6:43 AM – Nov 12, 2017

  240. 240.

    Suzanne

    @rikyrah: Deadspin referred to the Politico piece about those miserable Trump voters in Pennsylvania as a “Cletus safari” and I henceforth shall use that term for all of that type of piece.

  241. 241.

    rikyrah

    Steve Schmidt‏Verified account @SteveSchmidtSES

    Roy Moore , Pedophile, bigot and all around extremist nut job is now behind Doug Jones in multiple polls. There is to much defeatism in the air over Jones’chances. Dems, Independents and enough R’s can say NO to a Pedophile in the US Senate
    9:56 AM – 12 Nov 2017

  242. 242.

    Roger Moore

    @cain:

    I’m not sure who the Jackal is? If I picked up that name, I would really like to know how.

    The Jackals is one of the nicknames for Balloon-Juice commenters as a group, so any one who comments here with some regularity can be called a jackal. IIRC, the nickname came about because somebody who was visiting the blog and had his half-assed arguments ripped to shreds described the place as a “snarling mass of vicious, vitriolic jackals”, and we have decided to use the description with pride.

  243. 243.

    rikyrah

    Washington Post‏Verified account @washingtonpost

    Trump says U.S. won’t be “taken advantage of anymore.” Hours later, Pacific Rim nations reach deal on trade without America.

  244. 244.

    cain

    @Ruckus: My chidhood has caused me a lot of anxiety, and I have ADHD, there is definitely things I need to deal with. :) My marriage didn’t help me either.

  245. 245.

    CaseyL

    @Suzanne: Holy hell. You are one tough cookie. I salute you, for seeking solace in booze and bad TV. If I had all of that to deal with, I’d probably get in the car, drive for about five days, and make a new life wherever I wound up. I hope this cluster of storms passes and All Things Improve For You!

  246. 246.

    Ruckus

    @Suzanne:
    Carol was a counselor to me when I was in my mid 50s. I thought I had coping skills out the ass. I thought they were first rate. I was full of shit. I had gotten that old by not getting overwhelmed for over 50 yrs with crap. And I’d had some crap, let me tell you. I’d lost an almost 20 yr relationship with a wonder
    ful woman, I’d lost a business that had existed for over 33 yrs, with me owning it for over half of that, due to an earthquake, I’d already been hit by a truck, while not in a car, the same week as the earthquake…….. And the crap I needed counseling for I was never prepared for because I’d made up my own coping strategies and had never planned for it. It blindsided me. That’s how it works.
    Look we are making long distance suggestions base on what we know, which is not the same as being in your shoes. I’d bet though that we all hope that things get better and that you come out the other side a stronger person. Which is saying something.

  248. 248.

    Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD)

    @? ?? Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) ? ?: This thread is dying, but this shit right here:

    out of Stalin, Lenin and Trotsky, Uncle Joe was the lesser of three evils.

    Admittedly, my acquaintance with the Russian Communist Party is a bit rusty, and to said knowledge the three’s assholishness differed in kind, and not by that much…but FUCKING WHAT? As it turned out Stalin was a kill-crazy paranoiac who genocided the Ukrainians and was ramping up for a massive pogrom before his death. ON WHAT EVIDENCE is Silverstein basing his assessment of, “yeah, Stalin was the least” [because lesser is only used for comparisons between TWO] “of the Communist evils” in?

  250. 250.

    Suzanne

    @Ruckus: Y’all are wonderful, and very kind, and likely right. I will likely seek some professional guidance next week. I didn’t have a typical upbringing and I have always been a feelings-bottler. I have always been the one other people have dumped their emotional shit on. I don’t ever have the luxury of my feelings being the focus. Whatever.

    I’m sure therapy is helpful, but nothing would be as great as a break from death and depression and sadness and anxiety and Trump.

  253. 253.

    J R in WV

    @cain:

    We’re all jackals, here at Balloon Juice… the name may be lost in the mists of time, I don’t know where it came from. But it is all of us.

    You’re welcome to the pack, as it were.

    Thanks for the explanation of the new OS. I need another laptop, so I’ll be in touch with sales. Good luck with the company, they seem to be doing good work, although they could do a better job notifying people when an order may be delayed for lack of parts when a slight modification to the order would allow it to complete tomorrow. But still, anyway.

    Our laptop seems to be very picky about audio volume, also. From high to low in 1 mm of movement… But ignore me. it’s late at night here. Take care, good luck!

  255. 255.

    Ruckus

    @Suzanne:

    I didn’t have a typical upbringing and I have always been a feelings-bottler. I have always been the one other people have dumped their emotional shit on. I don’t ever have the luxury of my feelings being the focus. Whatever.

    We sound more alike than you might imagine.
    One of the things that I learned in counselor training 40+ yrs ago was that humans all have the same emotions, it’s in how we cope with them that makes us who we are. Some of that learning to cope is upbringing, some is learned in how to just get through the day to day crap of living, let alone when it gets damn deep, it’s called adapting, some might say maturing. Some of us do real good with the big stuff because that’s what we learned, some can only deal with the minor stuff, some can’t deal with much of anything (one of my dead aunts) and others have it all handled. Those are the bastards. On of the things I learned in just the last decade is how to roll with the bulldozer level of shit and come out the other side as intact as possible. Now I have cancer, which has killed a more than a few people I know, I have tremor, which makes working a lot harder, typing on my phone can be a stone bitch. IOW I’m getting old(er) and shit is not working all that well any more. But my plan is to hang around for a long time if for no other reason, to live up to my handle and raise a ruckus.

  256. 256.

    smike

    I, for one veteran, am quite fed up with listening to all of this hollow goddamned veteran worship from our glorious leaders and their toadies. While I, physically unharmed during my service, benefited from the Veteran’s Bill (70s), I don’t see much of anything of benefit befalling our current crop of erstwhile recruits. It’s too hard and costs money, dontyaknow. The wealth of taxes collected in this country rightly belongs to the most deserving among us – you know, rich people.

  259. 259.

    cain

    @J R in WV:
    I never heard the term, and I’ve been on here since W was president. In any case, thanks for the feedback, I can brin g that up with our front line support.

  260. 260.

    cain

    @J R in WV:
    Oh yeah, the gal just broke up with me.. our text conversation what not seem to solidify some things for her. It’s not a big deal.

  261. 261.

    No One You Know

    @J R in WV: wouldn’t he do well in evidence or forensic technology? It’s though to generalize on spectrum disorders…when you meet one guy, you’ve met one guy. But the so-called weaknesses turn into strengths of the CO it’s educated and aware.

    (Granted, this thread doesn’t make a good case for that scenario.)

  262. 262.

    Aleta

    @Suzanne: It’s OK to do nothing for awhile. This might be one of those points where time needs to work.

    Especially it’s OK to ignore anything your kid says, as much as you can. You don’t have to believe it, or get used to it, cause it won’t last. It’s more like her situation is talking. For some reason mood fluctuations or medication adjustments influence words and thoughts. In my experience, my relative said a lot of wild stuff in the hospital and around that time. Later felt very badly about it.

    And (mother of awful unfairness) the hormone adjustments during miscarriage…good grief… It’s real, but it doesn’t last. So it’s outside forces hitting you right now; at those times the best you can do is try to pass the time with something easy and good– a friend, music, food, books. Rest up. Sleep, swim.

  266. 266.

    Barry

    @Ruckus: “I followed the order to the letter, as I’ve been instructed.”

    Um, that wouldn’t have flown. Sergeants have been dealing with barracks lawyers since before there were barracks, or lawyers.

  267. 267.

    Soprano2

    @raven:

    Raven, my husband says he had to train some people who came into the Army under this program. He said he created a special award for one person who made it through the training, because no one thought he would! He thinks this current movement to admit people with mental problems is not a good idea, based on his experience.

  268. 268.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Ruckus: Dead thread, I know, but I had to toss this story in:

    My future father was drafted at 30, in 1943, despite having a couple of physical conditions that should’ve disqualified him (they were taking anyone who could walk by then), He ended up a diesel mechanic in the Pacific (Leyte, Okinawa, Korean occupation)..

    One day after letting his beard grow for a week or so, his sergeant ordered him to shave. So he did – leaving the mustache. “I told you to shave,” Sarge snarled. “I did,” future-Pop said. “That too,” Sarge snarled, pointing at his upper lip.

    “When the Captain” – who sported his own ‘stache – “shaves his, I’ll shave mine.”

    And he kept it for 25 years – & then only shaved it off as a protest against the ragged-arse lip foliage I’d raised. (No one much noticed, & he quietly let it grow back, & it was there when we laid him out nearly 30 years later.)

  269. 269.

    Uncle Ebeneezer

    @Baud: There’s a recent PodSaveAmerica episode that touched on this. In their opinion, the budget/shutdown scenario is one where Dems should ask for the moon. They really have all the leverage and while they won’t get everything they want there’s no harm in pushing. This includes DACA.

  270. 270.

    Stan

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Drill SGTs in the ’80s still used point out that, for some soldiers, being in the army was the first time they had more than one pair of shoes at a time (2 pairs of boots, one pair of low quarters, and a pair of running shoes).

    I knew plenty of guys like that; had some in my platoon. Some illiterate or very nearly so.

    And before anyone judges them – they were mostly great fucking soldiers. I work mostly with PhDs now and just in terms of basic human qualities (honesty, courage, taking responsibly, kindness, willingness to sacrifice for the team), those illiterate troopers were (again mostly – there are a-holes in any group of people) vastly better human beings than the phds are.

Comments are closed.