This may be the funniest thing I have read in a while:
Yes, it’s true. Tucker Carlson is right. I hate white people.
This secret was revealed earlier this week, when Carlson’s show had a segment on ‘Major Websites Running Bigoted Articles’ and chose to spotlight The Root. And, in that spotlight, each of the articles he referenced as examples of this hate were articles I wrote — including (but not limited to) “White People Need To Be Better People” and “We Need a Reset Button or Something For White People.”
I have been trying to keep this information concealed for years now. I’ve secretly hated white people since a skating party in 1992, when a white girl named Megan Lipslinker laughed at me when I fell in the rink while attempting to jump around when House of Pain’s “Jump Around” came on. Since then, my hate has done nothing but grow and become hungrier, like a guy at Old Country Buffet who’s hungry as shit but can’t eat because the server hasn’t given him clean silverware yet.
And, like most other hungry things — and, well, most other things that need to stay alive — it needs to be fed, daily, and this is what I do to keep my hate healthy.
I’m not going to spoil the list for you, but it does include: “9. Recite The Lord’s Prayer with my family. But instead of ending it with “Amen,” add “And then kill whitey.””