Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

We still have time to mess this up!

American History and Black History Cannot Be Separated

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

I was promised a recession.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

Let’s finish the job.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

In my day, never was longer.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Sad KKKeebler Elf Bullied by Boss

Sad KKKeebler Elf Bullied by Boss

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According to The Post, Jeff Sessions just can’t worm his way back into Trump’s affections, no matter how hard he tries. And he tries really hard, y’all — doing everything but passing one of those “Do you like me — YES / NO” notes from elementary school during cabinet meetings:

Attorney General Jeff Sessions is trying to find his way back into President Trump’s good graces.

For months, Sessions has asked senior White House aides to make sure the president knows what he is doing at the Justice Department, two White House advisers said, and has told allies he hopes policy decisions that garner news coverage will please Trump. Sessions’s team at Justice has crafted a public campaign to highlight the work it is doing to advance the president’s agenda. The department has also begun looking into matters that Trump has publicly complained are not being pursued…

But Sessions, who was one of Trump’s earliest backers and gave up a safe Senate seat to join the administration, has, by all accounts, been unable to repair his relationship with the president. Trump has dismissed praise of Sessions, according to four White House officials and advisers, as he continues to rage about the Russia investigation and Sessions’s decision to recuse himself from the probe into Moscow’s meddling in the 2016 election and whether there was any coordination with the Trump’s campaign…

White House officials have begun privately guessing who will replace Sessions — even though he has said he has no plans to leave. Trump does not like to fire people — contrary to his TV image — and by publicly humiliating him has unsuccessfully tried to make Sessions miserable and force him to quit…

Trump is even turned off by the portrayal of Sessions on “Saturday Night Live” by Kate McKinnon, advisers said. A senior White House official said that Trump’s frustrations were not a reflection of Sessions but that he found the portrayal “insulting.”

I hope Kate McKinnon realizes she is one of the most powerful women on the planet. She brought Spicer down, and* if she keeps relentlessly mocking Sessions, perhaps Trump will nut up and fire him too. Probably not, though, as the GOP Senate indicated it won’t seat a replacement.

Of course, the thing Trump blames Sessions for — recusal from the Trump-Russia investigation — is one of the few examples of Sessions behaving in an ethical manner. It’s a stretch to even call it ethical; Sessions had no choice. But his boss is too dumb to know that.

Sessions is a thoroughly despicable human being and one of the most destructive forces in the Trump administration. It’s a daily insult and disgrace that such a bigoted goober is in charge of the Justice Department, of all things. But at least the bastard is miserable on the job.

*It was Melissa McCarthy who brought Spicer down by feminizing him in the eyes of his sexist pig of a boss — thanks for the correction, Mary G! Another thought: maybe SNL should find a woman to portray Trump? He allegedly doesn’t like Alec Baldwin’s portrayal, but Alec Baldwin is classically handsome. I think it would sting more if a woman took over. Food for thought, SNL!

Reader Interactions

113Comments

  1. 1.

    Mnemosyne

    Got called in for jury duty today but I’m pretty sure I’ll get dismissed from the pool I’m currently in based on the questionnaire they had us fill out. Worst part is that it’s really frickin’ cold in here and I didn’t bring an extra jacket. ?

  3. 3.

    Mary G

    I thought Melissa McCarthy brought Spicer down? Kate McKinnon is powerful, but credit where due.

  4. 4.

    Fair Economist

    I don’t want Sessions gone. His replacement (the GOP will seat a replacement regardless of what they’ve said) would be just as evil, but would also have authority over the Mueller investigation and be on better terms with Trump.

  6. 6.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I hope Kate McKinnon realizes she is one of the most powerful women on the planet. She brought Spicer down,

    Wasn’t that Melissa McCarthy?

    Edit: n/m, just saw Mary G’s comment and Bett’s acknowledgement of same.

  7. 7.

    JaneSays

    Give proper credit where credit is due – it was Melissa McCarthy’s impersonation of Sean Spicer that Trump lost his shit over. McKinnon’s still fantastic, though.

  8. 8.

    ThresherK

    I thought his name was Bilbo Biggot.

    @Mnemosyne: “Please send me home so I can be warm” might be the thing that gets you picked. If you want to.

  9. 9.

    Davebo

    perhaps Trump will nut up and fire him too. Probably not, though, as the GOP Senate indicated it won’t seat a replacement.

    I hadn’t seen that. Are you saying they’ve indicated they wouldn’t confirm a replacement?

  11. 11.

    trollhattan

    @Kelly:
    Aw dayumn, that’s quite the tale he spins. [Or is it reeeeal???]

    Lost track of him, always liked his writing.

  12. 12.

    efgoldman

    Any human with a smidge of self respect would have resigned months ago. But this is Evil Leprekkkaun. He’s like the bosses’ son in law who can’t find the men’s room without GPS, but keeps the job because he REALLY BELIEVES he’s earned it and is doing Dadddy’s holy work.

  14. 14.

    msdc

    Trump can’t stand being humiliated by women. If SNL had cast Rosie O’Donnell as Bannon instead of going with that lame grim reaper thing, he would’ve been out like six months sooner.

  15. 15.

    p.a.

    Sessions may be pouting, but he ain’t leaving because tRump isn’t interfering in his agenda: subverting the 14th and 15th Amendments.

  20. 20.

    Humdog

    @msdc: Rosie should do Trump for SNL. She can get under his thin orange skin and take blowback with counterpunches.
    Something makes me think she’d have his mouth and his petulance down perfectly.

  21. 21.

    catclub

    Probably not, though, as the GOP Senate indicated it won’t seat a replacement.

    I think this is another norm that could be easily broken. If trump has Sessions resignation letter in his hand and says “we need to new head of DOJ”
    the senate will give him one. Instead are they going to block his new nominee? I don’t see it.

  22. 22.

    Jay S

    @Mnemosyne: Let me guess:
    Have you seen, heard or read anything about this case: Y
    Have you formed and opinion of guilt or innocence of the defendant? Y
    alternately
    employed by or acquainted with one of the parties to the suit?

  23. 23.

    Wyatt Derp

    At this point the entire Trump campaign and presidency is ripped off from the plot of The Producers. They had a nice little racket until they screwed up and succeeded. Right now we are at the part of the movie where they are trying to avoid the police.

  24. 24.

    Redshift

    @p.a.: Yeah, Trump is a racist pig, but he really doesn’t care about policy at all, even racist policy. It seems pretty weird to think that “look at all the press in getting for things I really want to do that you’ve probably never given a second thought” would impress the narcissist-in-chief.

    Who knows, though, maybe Sessions is dumb enough that back when they were best buds and Trump was saying “yeah, sounds great” to all his bigoted plans, he thought he actually cared.

  25. 25.

    danielx

    @Kelly:

    I should be working, but god that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Should be turned into a comic.

  26. 26.

    catclub

    @efgoldman:

    Any human with a smidge of self respect would have resigned months ago. But this is Evil Leprekkkaun.

    I know I have read reporting that Sessions HAS tendered his resignation and Trump has not accepted it. His self-respect can say: “Trump wants me in this job.”

  30. 30.

    Roger Moore

    @catclub:
    Remember, though: at this point it only takes 2 Republican defectors to block any of Trump’s appointments. That makes the threat very real.

  32. 32.

    gene108

    Another thought: maybe SNL should find a woman to portray Trump?

    Leslie Jones as Trump, if you really wanted to piss him off.

  33. 33.

    Davebo

    @Betty Cracker:

    I’m just not buying it. I get the idea, but if we’ve learned anything it’s that when push comes to shove Senate Goopers will do whatever it takes to keep their rubber stamp there in the Oval.

  35. 35.

    Betty Cracker

    @Davebo: Maybe — I don’t trust those weasels to keep their word on anything either, and they have caved to Trump repeatedly. But the Senate is notoriously clubby, and Sessions was their colleague. I think they’d be far more likely to go to the mat for one of their own than to protect the US Constitution or faithfully serve the American people.

  37. 37.

    Brachiator

    @Humdog:

    Rosie should do Trump for SNL. She can get under his thin orange skin and take blowback with counterpunches.

    Something makes me think she’d have his mouth and his petulance down perfectly.

    They tangled before, years ago, when she was one of the hosts of “The View.” Trump showed himself to be just as much a foul-mouthed, skin thinned bully back then as he is now.

  38. 38.

    geg6

    @Humdog:

    I posted #35 before reading the thread. I have read in several places that she has pitched playing him to Lorne Michaels. I would kill to see that. He might stroke out.

  39. 39.

    Fair Economist

    @Betty Cracker: I don’t think the R Senators want Sessions humiliated, and they’re trying to stop Trump from canning him. But once he’s gone they’ll cave. Caving to the crazy rightwingers is their job (see Collins, S.).

  40. 40.

    Jay S

    @Mnemosyne: No worries. I know you aren’t allowed to say much if anything. The last time I was called they even requested us not to mention we were called, lest someone find out who were potential jurors. It wasn’t an order, but a request. They were firm about not mentioning any case we were aware of however.
    ETA this was mostly about social media as I recall.

  42. 42.

    clay

    But I thought he was being a strong leader who was bringing people together!

    President Donald Trump rejected a pitch Thursday from a bipartisan team of senators on a compromise immigration deal to protect “Dreamers” while increasing border security.

    Democratic Sen. Dick Durbin and Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham met with Trump to discuss a compromise plan from a small group of six senators, but were rebuffed and told to keep working, Durbin said.

    ….

    The setback comes as the January 19 deadline for reaching agreement on government spending is rapidly approaching and the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program is set to end in early March.

    “I’m not sure what the next step will be,” Durbin told reporters. “The President invited us to — at his little get-together in the Cabinet room — to come up with proposals, and we did. It’s a bipartisan proposal which we’ve worked on for four months in the Senate, and I don’t know what happens next.”

  43. 43.

    Roger Moore

    @Betty Cracker:
    The other important point is it doesn’t really matter whether the Republicans in the Senate would follow through; it matters if Trump believes their threats. As long as he believes he can’t get a replacement confirmed, he’s going to be afraid to let Sessions leave.

  44. 44.

    Yarrow

    @catclub: Gliuliani gets nothing except prison time. There’s a reason he, who used to seek out the TV cameras, has been so quiet lately.

  45. 45.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    Another thought: maybe SNL should find a woman to portray Trump? He allegedly doesn’t like Alec Baldwin’s portrayal, but Alec Baldwin is classically handsome. I think it would sting more if a woman took over. Food for thought, SNL!

    Have Leslie Jones put on a blonde wig and let her do Trump.

  48. 48.

    Matt McIrvin

    @gene108: Jones already dressed as Trump for a filmed bit, but it was just a meta-joke about Leslie Jones trying to get Lorne Michaels to let her play Trump.

  52. 52.

    Caring and sensitive

    Betty. With respect to “Sessions is a thoroughly despicable human being”, JBSIII would have to climb for miles to get up to thoroughly despicable

  56. 56.

    Rasputin's Evil Twin

    @Wyatt Derp: But without the “Spring for Hitler” production number. Sorry, but Bannon at Reichbart telling his feeble-minded followers “Don’t be silly, be a smarty/ Come and join the Nazi Party!” doesn’t do it for me. I feel a bit cheated.

  59. 59.

    cmorenc

    It’s a coin flip between Sessions and Scott Pruitt who is the most destructive – Pruitt because he’s so far been able to wreak destruction upon the EPA and environmental protection mostly out of sight.and insulated, alas from effective counter-pressure.

  62. 62.

    Yarrow

    @catclub: Me too. I would not have guessed it but ran across it several months ago. Verified account. It’s definitely her. I think it’s why she has decided to make her Roseanne character a Trump supporter. I think it’s going to tank the show reboot.

  64. 64.

    clay

    @catclub: That, or maybe Fox and Friends did a segment on how unfair the Democrats were at that meeting, tricking him into changing positions!

  65. 65.

    Jeffro

    @Jeffro: (apologies if this was already linked to)

    Wow…”shithole”. That’s pure Trumpov but also pure Stephen Miller. Could that guy please slither back under a rock?

  66. 66.

    John Revolta

    The main character’s political views will mirror those of Barr herself, who so frequently offers blunt, pro-Trump opinions on Twitter that many users have called for a boycott of the reboot

    -Washington Post

  67. 67.

    Yarrow

    @Jeffro: From the article:

    “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?” Trump said, according to these people, referring to African countries and Haiti. He then suggested that the United States should instead bring more people from countries like Norway, whose prime minister he met yesterday.

    Of course he’s not a racist.

  71. 71.

    Brachiator

    @cmorenc:

    It’s a coin flip between Sessions and Scott Pruitt who is the most destructive – Pruitt because he’s so far been able to wreak destruction upon the EPA and environmental protection mostly out of sight.and insulated, alas from effective counter-pressure.

    They’re all bad. Tillerson is dismantling effective foreign policy. DeVos is a disaster at Education. And who knows what madness Ben Carson is unleashing at HUD.

    Also, did anything happen with this?

    Trump to make Iran deal decision today: Tillerson

    President Trump will decide today whether or not to waive nuclear sanctions again and keep the U.S.’s commitments to the Iran deal, according to Secretary of State Rex Tillerson — the first time he has been faced with the choice since he announced his new strategy for the country late last year.

  73. 73.

    glory b

    @Yarrow: I’ve wondered about that too.

    Why hasn’t anybody in the media talked about the times he was on television talking about the info he was getting from his sources in the FBI about the Clinton stuff? It seems to me that this deserves some press time, considering all of the talk about agents and attorneys who are biased.

  74. 74.

    clay

    @Yarrow: That’s the exact paragraph I was going to post.

    How on earth does he think immigration works? He seems to think governments trade folks like sports teams do:

    “Uh, yeah, we’ll take 100 Norwegians, and you can have 300 of these Mexican rapists.”

  75. 75.

    Jeffro

    @Redshift:

    “You have something on your face, Jared.” Ivanka reached over with a napkin, rubbing the rough surface against his soft face until it was red.

    “I hate how sloppy an eater you are”

    “Sorry sweetheart”

    “Eat like Daddy does, God damn it.”

    DOH! Double-entendre-blech!!

  76. 76.

    Fair Economist

    @Yarrow: Wasn’t Barr at least pretending to be a hard leftie not too long ago? Tells you something about what the “uncompromising” “hard lefties” are really all about.

  77. 77.

    trollhattan

    @John Revolta:
    Yeah, Barr, not O’Donnell. Barr has been out boff-siding herself thumping the tub for her show’s reboot and I’m only shocked that Goodman has anything to do with it, not her, who I never warmed to.

  80. 80.

    bystander

    If you can, it’s worth checking out the front page of WaPo right now. It may be the only time you will see a POTUS quoted as saying “sh*thole” in a headline.

  81. 81.

    hueyplong

    I think you are all missing the obvious play that would stroke Trump out.

    Have Hillary Clinton play Trump in a SNL sketch and do so in the most emasculating way imaginable, playing money-laundering, Fredo-like puppet to some well known leftist portraying Vladimir Putin.

    Or have Will Farrell host a Jeopardy parody in which Trump gets wiped by contestants Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

    Or have Trump the bottom paying to be worked over by top Dianne Feinstein.

    Any of these would work.

  82. 82.

    catclub

    @glory b:

    talk about agents and attorneys who are biased.

    Bias only works one way: Mueller is a Republican and still not trusted to to investigate Trump without liberal bias.
    Ken Starr – GOP operative – was fine to investigate Bill Clinton, no bias there at all.

    I think even the Fitzpatrick of Fitzmas fame was probably a Republican – maybe a moderate. An actual liberal Democrat investigating a republican is beyond the pale. Just not allowed – they would be biased.

  83. 83.

    Yarrow

    @WaterGirl: No, Roseanne Barr herself is a Trump supporter. Go look at her Twitter feed. I think you have it backwards. Because she’s a Trump supporter she decided to make her character one too.

  85. 85.

    bemused

    @catclub:

    I think it’s hilarious that trumpie is insulted by SNL McKinnon portrayal of Sessions and speaking of Giuliani, remember the ad for perfume or something that Trump and Giuliani in drag did? Trump didn’t seem to think rubbing his face in Giulani’s bosom was too insulting. It’s ratings!

  86. 86.

    Brachiator

    @bystander:

    If you can, it’s worth checking out the front page of WaPo right now. It may be the only time you will see a POTUS quoted as saying “sh*thole” in a headline.

    This is Trump. There’s more where this came from.

  87. 87.

    danielx

    @Yarrow:

    I am certain they would be just as draconic about border security if we were being invaded by blonde blue-eyed Scandinavians. Only a cynical person could think otherwise.

  93. 93.

    sdhays

    My problem with Baldwin’s portrayal of the Preznit is that he makes Donny John seem smarter than he actually is. That’s because tRump’s stupidity is almost unparodyable (is that a word?).

  96. 96.

    kindness

    Sessions vs ethical…. Sessions only recused himself from the Russia probe after it was exposed that he had lied under oath to the Senate when he was facing conformation. The Senate then brought him back in to explain this and then he recused himself because he had to. It was either that or he was going to be bounced by the Senate.

    Sessions didn’t recuse himself because of ethics. He only recused himself to save his sorry ass from being brought up on lying under oath.

  97. 97.

    trollhattan

    @catclub:
    Counterbalancing Roseanne was a tough assignment that he did really well. Best thing was it got him into the public eye and (I presume) onto the Cohen brothers’ radar. The rest is history.

  98. 98.

    trollhattan

    @WaterGirl:
    I don’t see it. “Roseanne” was edgy at the time but television has sprinted onward since, while she’s the same Roseanne. Pass.

    Shout out to Laurie Metcalf, who I never ID’d while watching “Lady Bird.” Terrific work in a not especially warm role.

  100. 100.

    Brachiator

    @trollhattan:

    Shout out to Laurie Metcalf, who I never ID’d while watching “Lady Bird.” Terrific work in a not especially warm role.

    I have yet to see “Lady Bird,” even though I keep hearing good things about it. Last year, I saw a good chunk of the most acclaimed films of the year. This year, I’ve been too busy or too distracted.

  101. 101.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    What’s with these guys and their complete lack of guts? I were Sessions I would be loudly saying “I gave up my Senate seat for this crap? I suppose I could go back, oh, that’s right Bannon got a Democrat elected to replace me”

  102. 102.

    WaterGirl

    @trollhattan: Even Will and Grace seems lame to me now. Forty year-old people simply do not leap into one another’s arms, not matter how excited they are. And I say that as someone who LOVES Eric McCormack.

  103. 103.

    p.a.

    It went on to say we should get more immigrants from Norway. Of course from a Norge perspective maybe we’re the shithole country…

  105. 105.

    Roger Moore

    @cmorenc:

    It’s a coin flip between Sessions and Scott Pruitt who is the most destructive

    What does Zinke need to do to get some recognition around here?

  107. 107.

    eclare

    @WaterGirl: It won’t include me, either, and I loved her original show (except for the last couple of seasons). Along with John Goodman, the show had Laurie Metcalf, Johnny Galecki, Sara Gilbert…

  108. 108.

    Mnemosyne

    @John Revolta:

    Conservatives who think there’s a large underserved audience of conservatives out there who are just waiting for the right conservative show to come along usually end up broke. I predict that’s going to happen this time, too.

  112. 112.

    Amir Khalid

    @catclub:
    I seem to recall from contemporary coverage that Fitzgerald was scrupulous about not being affiliated to any party.

  113. 113.

    Mnemosyne

    @Jay S:

    Dead thread, but here’s the Q&A now that I’ve been dismissed:

    Have you ever been in a car accident? (Yes)
    Have you ever had a back or neck injury due to a car accident? (Yes)
    Have you ever seen an orthopedist or chiropractor? (Yes)

    Plus I’m still on crutches with my injured knee, so I’m a personal injury defense lawyer’s nightmare. Dismissed!

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