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Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

This really is a full service blog.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

I really should read my own blog.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Let there be snark.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

In my day, never was longer.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

The willow is too close to the house.

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You are here: Home / Open Threads / The Secret For Comedy Is….

The Secret For Comedy Is….

by Tom Levenson|  January 13, 20185:07 pm| 141 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Rofer on Nuclear Issues, Clap Louder!, Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue

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…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…

…

…

Timing:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has decided to postpone its session on nuclear attack preparedness next week. Much attention had been drawn to the timing of the agency’s session, which was publicized just days after President Trump touted the size of his nuclear button compared with North Korea’s.

That’s via Sheila Kaplan in yesterday’s New York Times.

Scheduled for January 16, the session was to be on “Public Health Response to a Nuclear Detonation”

It was intended, as the Times reported the week before:

for doctors, government officials, emergency responders and others whom, if they survived, would be responsible for overseeing the emergency response to a nuclear attack.

And, certainly, such a meeting was well within the CDC’s purview:

“While a nuclear detonation is unlikely,” the C.D.C. wrote on its website,which included a picture of a mushroom cloud, “it would have devastating results and there would be limited time to take critical protection steps. Despite the fear surrounding such an event, planning and preparation can lessen deaths and illness.”

The agenda for the disaster session included “Preparing for the Unthinkable,” “Road Map to Radiation Preparedness” and “Using Data and Decision Aids to Drive Response Efforts.”

In the event, the agency swapped out this session for one on the flu.  CDC staffers made a decent argument for the swap:

“To date, this influenza season is notable for the sheer volume of flu that most of the United States is seeing at the same time, which can stress health systems,” the agency said. “The vast majority of this activity has been caused by influenza A H3N2, associated with severe illness in young children and people 65 years and older.”

But it’s hard to shake the sense, as Kaplan hints in her story on the switch, that der Hair Führer’s fee-fees may have been involved:

The C.D.C.’s announcement that it was holding a nuclear preparation workshop drew widespread media coverage and embarrassed the public health agency. It also gave ammunition to administration critics who believe that the president is bringing the country closer to a nuclear Armageddon.

And now, Hawaii!

Timing.

And with, over to y’all. Open thread, I guess, though here’s a question to get things going:  How’s it all going to end. Fire? Or ice? (Preferably w. several fingers of good bourbon poured over it.)

Image: Jan Fyt, Mushrooms, before 1650.

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Previous Post: « Hawaii Missile Alert In Error
Next Post: Open Thread: Blowback on the Shithole »

Reader Interactions

141Comments

  1. 1.

    Villago Delenda Est

    January 13, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    A fucking three year old trapped in a 71 year old body has the launch codes.

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  2. 2.

    japa21

    January 13, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    Prefer the latter, but with a nice scotch.

  3. 3.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    Vogons

  4. 4.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    But will there be cake?

    DC military force that oversaw diabolical nuclear tests at Bikini Atoll celebrates w/ a mushroom cloud cake in 1946. pic.twitter.com/bQzHq6k5Cl

    — Abby Martin (@AbbyMartin) May 17, 2016

  5. 5.

    JPL

    January 13, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    I don’t like bourbon, so wine will have to do.
    I’d rather the CDC figure out why the vaccine didn’t protect against the flu.

  6. 6.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 13, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    And now, Hawaii!

    Fine, thanks! You?

  7. 7.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    @JPL: Very poetic.

  8. 8.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Take my wife….please!

  9. 9.

    Kay

    January 13, 2018 at 5:19 pm

    “To date, this influenza season is notable for the sheer volume of flu that most of the United States is seeing at the same time, which can stress health systems,” the agency said. “The vast majority of this activity has been caused by influenza A H3N2, associated with severe illness in young children and people 65 years and older.”

    The flu is bad though, according to my son in law and daughter. They’re very calm people and they’re quite concerned. I guess it’s both “early” and “serious”, in terms of their experience. My daughter’s mad we don’t have universal sick days. She’s spotting flu symptoms on her bus ride among fellow passengers. It makes her feel “overwhelmed”, like bailing with a teaspoon.

    It IS sort of crazy we don’t have a better system where people can stay home and not spread illness without getting fired or missing a rent payment. WTF? It’s nuts.

  10. 10.

    NotMax

    January 13, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    How’s it all going to end. Fire? Or ice?

    Neither. Smart money is on Stupid.

  11. 11.

    Raoul

    January 13, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    We really are having a bad flu season, from what I’ve been hearing. And this year’s flu shot is a 90% miss. They are never spot-on, but unfortunately, this one is less of a match that most.

  12. 12.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    @JPL: They already know. The flu that has hit hard is a variant that is normally rare. So it wasn’t part of what the vaccine was targeted to protect against.

  13. 13.

    Amir Khalid

    January 13, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    From where I am, it seems like this week America decided to drop in on Ms Helena Handbasket.

  14. 14.

    oldgold

    January 13, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Matching bridal hat.

  15. 15.

    lollipopguild

    January 13, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    @Baud: I just flew in from Cleveland and boy are my arms tired!

  16. 16.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    @oldgold: The accessories tie the whole thing together.

  17. 17.

    NotMax

    January 13, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    Slept through the hoo-ha here.

    Friends’ weekly radio show about computers and tech is on live right now, and after the current commercial break they are going to talk about what happened and about FEMA. If anyone wants to listen, streams here and through any number of other radio streaming sites.

  18. 18.

    sibusisodan

    January 13, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    @Adam L Silverman: Why is the lady in the middle wearing part of the cake?

  19. 19.

    Raoul

    January 13, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    @Adam L Silverman: And will there be fabulous hats?

    Or, um, as sibusisodan asks, frosted hair?

  20. 20.

    Cheryl Rofer

    January 13, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    Good article summarizing what just happened.

  21. 21.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    @Kay: And you have folk who do have sick day benefits who come in anyway cause they can tough it out and they’re indispensable(and disease vectors).

  22. 22.

    geg6

    January 13, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    So many students and staff have the flu, it’s crazy. Nobody is shaking hands and I am thankful to have my desk between me and students. I had to yell at one who was in my building when I had just heard that her flu had turned to pneumonia! Like, girl, what are you doing out of bed? Get back there in your dorm, for chrissakes!

  23. 23.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    @sibusisodan: @Raoul: Mushroom cloud hats and mushroom cloud hair dos were all the rage in the early 50s before the Cold War and Mutual Assured Destruction really sank in. I think I did a post about it back in the innocent days back in 2015 or 2016.
    https://i.pinimg.com/originals/9f/3f/14/9f3f1468c5f38241e2b2aba78e186d6c.jpg

    There was also a Miss Atom Bomb thing that Las Vegas did for a while when the were trying to market for tourism based on the nuclear tests out in the desert.
    https://www.popsci.com/blog-network/vintage-space/atomic-pin-girls

  24. 24.

    dmsilev

    January 13, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    after President Trump touted the size of his nuclear button compared with North Korea’s.

    I still can’t believe, not really, that we have a President who did this.

    Also, too, can someone get one of those Staples Easy Buttons, write “NUKE” on it, and put it on his desk? It could be the best solution for us surviving the next few years.

  25. 25.

    Another Scott

    January 13, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    @Kay: Well said. Relatedly, one of our own, Carol, is seeking help.

    The January Fund.

    She posted it, very quietly, yesterday. Nobody should go through heart surgery, use up their sick leave and actually go over, and then have to pay the overage back on retiring to the point that they have zero income. That’s insane. And infuriating. :-(

    I contributed, but I’m not on FB and the like. Can you folks give her more visibility?

    Thanks.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  26. 26.

    frosty

    January 13, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Or people with one bucket of leave time so they get less vacation if they call in sick. Stupidest change I’ve run across.

  27. 27.

    eclare

    January 13, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    @Amir Khalid: Hahaha….

  28. 28.

    p.a.

    January 13, 2018 at 5:36 pm

    Is the line: comedians say funny things, comics say things funny, or vice-versa?

  29. 29.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    @dmsilev: Then he’ll probably wonder why they keep on getting office supply deliveries.

  30. 30.

    opiejeanne

    January 13, 2018 at 5:41 pm

    @frosty: They’re doing that now? My husband almost never used his sick leave so it rolled over every year, which was a good thing when he needed 7 weeks off after his appendectomy. His colleagues offered to donate some of their time if he needed it, not knowing that he had so much. This was during one of his stints in public employment in SoCal, and he’s retired now so God knows what they’re doing in private employment these days.

  31. 31.

    Another Scott

    January 13, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    @Cheryl Rofer: It is a good piece, except for the 3rd paragraph. (It was not a “catastrophic error”.)

    Thanks.

    Cheers,
    Scott.
    (“Everyone involved there knows that there’s always the chance for mistakes.”)

  32. 32.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    @frosty:
    @opiejeanne: Back when I was working for Satan and a productive member of society(h/t to Baud), we got a bucket of Personal Business and Sick time and it was use it or lose it, vacation time was separate and could be banked(I’d do that when we going to Korea).

  33. 33.

    Mary G

    January 13, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    When I get stressed about this, I think of the likelihood of Twitler’s being able to remember a long, complicated password.

  34. 34.

    raven

    January 13, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    @frosty: I have over 6 months of sick leave and I can apply that to my retirement.

  35. 35.

    MomSense

    January 13, 2018 at 5:48 pm

    I guess we can add Chris Matthews to the list.

    Bill Cosby rape jokes are soooooo funny

  36. 36.

    raven

    January 13, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    @MomSense: That’s been up here a great deal in that last day.

  37. 37.

    Cheryl Rofer

    January 13, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    @Mary G: The passwords are on a laminated card he carries with him, called the biscuit.

  38. 38.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    @Kay:

    It IS sort of crazy we don’t have a better system where people can stay home and not spread illness without getting fired or missing a rent payment. WTF? It’s nuts.

    The GOP should have passed a bigger corporate tax cut.

  39. 39.

    NotMax

    January 13, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    Mom just called, all bent out of shape with worry about what happened because whatever channel on TV she had on was being all sensationalist. Told her 2 things:

    1) I slept through it.

    2) Look on the bright side. A bunch of people probably had really good pre-Armageddon sex for 30 minutes.

  40. 40.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 13, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    @Cheryl Rofer:

    I came to this whole thing a bit late. Was in movie theatre watching, as is my elitist cultural wont, a documentary on the history of the Metropolitan Opera with my phone disabled, when everything started going tits-up. Did not know a thing until I saw a panicky Messenger comment from a normally pretty rational friend. Neither CNN nor MSNBC car audio was much use.

    MSNBC interviewed one guy — a tourist, I guess — who got the “this is NOT a drill” alert on his phone. He and his wife texted their four college-age kids (“millennials, who famously never answer their phones”) saying, basically, “love you, here’s where to find the Will,” and prepared to die in his wife’s arms in 15-20 minutes (“If we have to go, I’m glad we get to be together. In Hawaii.”)

    I have a dicey heart and do not need this kind of excitement, even if the final line is “false alarm.”

  41. 41.

    Kay

    January 13, 2018 at 5:52 pm

    @geg6:

    Get back there in your dorm, for chrissakes!

    Ugh. Dorms. Must be like a daycare. Just zipping thru there.

  42. 42.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    @Baud:

    The GOP should have passed a bigger corporate tax cut.

    Cause they fix everything.

  43. 43.

    jl

    January 13, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    I don’t know what the fuss is about, Hawaii is just a weird little island in the Pacific. Not sure what a missile attack against them has to do with us.
    And, being half Irish, I guess Trump would put me in charge of brewery and distillery inspections. Sounds good. I don’t drink that much, but I probably need to get more in touch with the ways of my people.

  44. 44.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    saying, basically, “love you, here’s where to find the Will,” and prepared to die in his wife’s arms in 15-20 minutes (“If we have to go, I’m glad we get to be together. In Hawaii.”)

    That’s certainly better than “I have to tell you, I slept with your sister.” You know someone did that!

  45. 45.

    oldgold

    January 13, 2018 at 5:55 pm

    @Adam L Silverman:

    I would have preferred a Bikini wedding theme.

  46. 46.

    MomSense

    January 13, 2018 at 5:55 pm

    @raven:

    I’ve been hit or miss lately – mostly miss.

    How are you feeling?

  47. 47.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:55 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Haven’t you heard about all the corporations that are passing their tax cuts along to the people?

  48. 48.

    Steve in the ATL

    January 13, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    @Adam L Silverman:

    The flu that has hit hard is a variant that is normally rare. So it wasn’t part of what the vaccine was targeted to protect against.

    Republicans can’t get anything right. How hard is to to coordinate with CIA over which flu strains they are releasing this year? Sheesh.

  49. 49.

    raven

    January 13, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    @MomSense: I’m ok, the cough is still here but better. I understand it can hang on for quite some time. thx

  50. 50.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 13, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    @Baud:

    Bada

    .

    .

    wait for it

    .

    .

    Bing!

  51. 51.

    MomSense

    January 13, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    @Kay:

    I used to go to four schools every day (with my art cart!) so I got everything -probably aided in the spread, too.

  52. 52.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Say Good Night, Subaru.

  53. 53.

    Kay

    January 13, 2018 at 5:59 pm

    @Baud:

    So much time and money on the flu treatment and nothing for prevention of infection. They use this awful term- “floppy babies”. Really flu-sick babies are not angry and yelling and clenched in a ball, like you want to see. They’re quiet and floppy- passive.

  54. 54.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 5:59 pm

    @raven: Some here have had the cough for a few months, mine pretty much dissipated after about 2 weeks.

  55. 55.

    raven

    January 13, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Yea, if I could get past the chewbacca wheezing I’d be cool.

  56. 56.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    @Kay: When I’m president, Americans will have paid flu season off. Then the Norwegians will come.

  57. 57.

    MomSense

    January 13, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    @raven:

    I had the bad cold and even that dragged on. Rest is your friend.

  58. 58.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    @Baud: I thought that was “Say Good Night, Gracey”. The hospital the kid works at have streets named after George and Gracey.

  59. 59.

    eclare

    January 13, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    @Baud: Can I also get a taco truck on my corner?

  60. 60.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 13, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    @raven:

    Wow, the state of Georgia is more advanced than the Government of Canada! When I retired I had about 9 weeks of sick leave accrued, and had to forfeit it all

  61. 61.

    raven

    January 13, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    @MomSense: I’m sit-in on my ass watching the Falcons!

  62. 62.

    NotMax

    January 13, 2018 at 6:03 pm

    @Baud

    Gravlax for everyone!

  63. 63.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 6:03 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: It is. I modified it.

    @eclare: Sure. That’s how will administer the flu vaccines.

  64. 64.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    @oldgold: I’ll let my friends in the Admiralty know.

  65. 65.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    @raven: I worked with a young woman that folk in her high school would call Chewey, that was because her last name though, Chu(Korean-American).

  66. 66.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: You’ve said to much! Proceed to the frozen pizza aisle at the closest Publix and activate your ex-fil plan. Your contact will meet you there.

  67. 67.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    @Baud: Just wanted a seg into the streets at the hospital the kid works at. Carry on.

  68. 68.

    NotMax

    January 13, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA

    Gracie. Just for the record.

  69. 69.

    Baud

    January 13, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    @raven: A Saints-Falcons Championship Game would be nuts.

  70. 70.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    January 13, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    My DH had a boat load of sick time and personal time that he never took that the State of NC basically converted into “served time” to calculate his retirement and then once over that threshold into dollars to pay him on retirement.

    As for Hawaii heads are going to be rolling surely? Like everyone else said, I am really glad that Trump was on the golf course and nowhere near the nuclear button at the time.

  71. 71.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    @NotMax: You are correct, I sit corrected.

  72. 72.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    @Litlebritdifrnt: He’s always near the football.

  73. 73.

    The Midnight Lurker

    January 13, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    I getting some lawn chairs and Ray Bans and me and the wife are going to get up on the roof. CLUB GROUND ZERO, baby! Whoo-hoo!

  74. 74.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 6:09 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: That’s “Baud-a”.

  75. 75.

    Patricia Kayden

    January 13, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    @Amir Khalid: I’m a bit slow today but I finally figured out your joke. Sigh.

  76. 76.

    Another Scott

    January 13, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    @Litlebritdifrnt: There’s a live press conference in Hawaii about the mistakes, right now. The BBC has it on the TV machine (it’s probably on the web too).

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  77. 77.

    Frankensteinbeck

    January 13, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    @MomSense:
    As much as I would love this to destroy Matthews’ career, without an actual assault, something potentially criminal, I doubt he’ll face any repercussions. Certainly a ‘they are who we thought they were’ moment.

  78. 78.

    Cheryl Rofer

    January 13, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    Apparently they did not have two-step authorization.

    Oy.

  79. 79.

    MomSense

    January 13, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    It’s just so infuriating.

  80. 80.

    frosty

    January 13, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    @Adam L Silverman: The whole idea of A-Bomb pinup girls are just too weird. Also, this: “Beginning in 1952, atomic tests were broadcast on TV to reassure the public.”

    Reassure?? WTF?

  81. 81.

    The Moar You Know

    January 13, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    You guys know how the Republicans solve this, right?

    Get rid of the alerts. You watch. This is what they’ll do.

  82. 82.

    Another Scott

    January 13, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    @Cheryl Rofer: And it seems like they had a procedure to cancel an alert, but no quick procedure to send out a SMS message that a previous message was in error.

    This was actually a blessing in disguise, because it illustrates ways that they need to improve their systems (and those lessons can be applied to lots of other alert systems around the country).

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  83. 83.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    @The Moar You Know: No, more tax cuts and privatize the alerts.

  84. 84.

    frosty

    January 13, 2018 at 6:20 pm

    @opiejeanne: My first engineering job came with 2 weeks sick and 2 weeks vacation. I had a County job and worked up to 2 weeks sick and 5 weeks vacation. Moved to consulting and went in where everyone topped out: 4 weeks combined sick and vacation. 25 years of working and I ended up back where I started.

  85. 85.

    debbie

    January 13, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    The answer is to make everything merit based. Trump would be the first to be kicked to the curb.

  86. 86.

    frosty

    January 13, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    @raven: When I left the County job they paid me all the vacation and 1/3 of the unused sick leave balance. A nice chunk of change.

  87. 87.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    @frosty: This is what we call an early indicator that our allies and partners appeared to over look when they could have held an early intervention.

  88. 88.

    Patricia Kayden

    January 13, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    @jl:

    Hawaii is just a weird little island in the Pacific.

    And if Hawaii was hit, Trump’s base would go wild with joy since that is where President Kenya Obama was born.

  89. 89.

    debbie

    January 13, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    @Kay:

    It’s past peak in Australia, which might mean it’ll end earlier than usual here.

  90. 90.

    Frankensteinbeck

    January 13, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    @MomSense:
    Yes.

  91. 91.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    @jl:

    Hawaii is just a weird little island in the Pacific

    Hawaii is the Big Island.

  92. 92.

    eclare

    January 13, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    Since OT, Penzey’s is offering a free mini soul box. You can pick it up in a store free, if you order there is a 3.95 shipping fee. Lot of cooks here, just wanted to share.

  93. 93.

    trollhattan

    January 13, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    @The Moar You Know:
    More better, they will privatize them.

  94. 94.

    NotMax

    January 13, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA

    And she could dance.

  95. 95.

    J R in WV

    January 13, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    @Another Scott:

    I hit Carol up just now, pretty sad so far. People, check it out, she’s screwed by her heart attack and her employer. Scott, thanks so much for pointing it out. Unfortunately, this IS my social media, right here.

  96. 96.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:32 pm

    @trollhattan: You forget the tax cuts.

  97. 97.

    Gelfling 545

    January 13, 2018 at 6:32 pm

    @opiejeanne: My union runs a “ sick leave bank” to which teachers can donate one or more days annually so thst when one runs into just this situation, they can apply for help from the already existing pool. Of course the operative word here is union. Will donste as soon as last deposit appears on my bank account., which with the holiday weekent is probably Tiesday.

  98. 98.

    The Midnight Lurker

    January 13, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    There was a turtle by the name of Bert, and Bert the Turtle was very alert. When danger threatened him he never got hurt. He knew just what to do…

    He’d duck and cover, duck and cover.

    Can’t get it out of my head.

  99. 99.

    Steve in the ATL

    January 13, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    @debbie: where do you live?

  100. 100.

    Kay

    January 13, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    I’m curious how the bribe process works for decadent rich people like Donald Trump. He needs to pay off this friend of his or she will go on Good Morning America and tell all. They reach an agreement that it’s 130k, he tries not to pay (because of course he does) but he DOES pay. So, how? With a personal check? With big wads of cash? With a Trump Crime Family LLC check? What line does that go under? Services rendered,,,how? Does she claim it as income?

    Maybe they have a separate entity to launder the bribe transfers. We’ve never seen any Trump Family records so we’ll never know, I guess.

  101. 101.

    SiubhanDuinne

    January 13, 2018 at 6:38 pm

    @Baud:

    Oh, that Henny Youngman!

  102. 102.

    trollhattan

    January 13, 2018 at 6:38 pm

    @The Midnight Lurker:
    Wait, was Bert a turtle or a duck? I am SO confused.

  103. 103.

    Brachiator

    January 13, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    @Adam L Silverman:

    They already know. The flu that has hit hard is a variant that is normally rare. So it wasn’t part of what the vaccine was targeted to protect against.

    What you said. This year’s vaccine is about 30% effective. Last year it was about the same as well.

    Also, there has to be some lead time in formulating and producing the vaccine. If it turns out later that a different strain appears to be This Year’s Model, it is extremely difficult to reformulate and distribute a new vaccine.

    The hope is that “good enough” will provide a significant amount of protection.

  104. 104.

    Gravenstone

    January 13, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    @The Moar You Know: Yup. Can’t have a false alarm if there isn’t an alarm in the first place.

  105. 105.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 6:40 pm

    @Kay: It was speculated in the thread on this last night that he probably uses his foundation. She’d probably claim it the same way she did her escorting business.

  106. 106.

    trollhattan

    January 13, 2018 at 6:40 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    “These entrepreneurial early warnings will pay for themselves.”

  107. 107.

    debbie

    January 13, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    @Steve in the ATL:

    Ohio. No immunity here.

  108. 108.

    Frankensteinbeck

    January 13, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    Yeah, I mean, Jesus, money laundering of all kinds is Trump’s SPECIALTY. I’m sure he can hide and even embezzle from other people a hush money payment, no problem. He’s just cheap enough to try and skate on it.

  109. 109.

    Steve in the ATL

    January 13, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    @Kay: trump, or random Russian billionaire, pays law firm. Law firm converts money from rubles to dollars, deposits dollars into firm’s trust account. Law firm cuts check to porn star.

  110. 110.

    trollhattan

    January 13, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    @Brachiator:
    IIUC the process for picking this year’s vaccine is already underway so yes, educated guessing is a big component. Then, some strains like this year’s mutate more readily than others. Definitely an imperfect system, but better than nuttin’.

  111. 111.

    Gelfling 545

    January 13, 2018 at 6:43 pm

    @MomSense: Oh, Jesus. The Art Cart. Nothing says to kids that this is not a subject of any importance like not even making proper facilities available. In my sistrict a lot of teachers are “on the cart”. Pisses me off.

  112. 112.

    Kay

    January 13, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    The foundation has records, right? Maybe that one WaPo reporter is looking into it, the guy who made the phone calls on the “donations”. I will never accept the special treatment this family got on disclosure. It is blatantly unfair.

  113. 113.

    germy

    January 13, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    The Mysteries of Humor
    By Jack Handey

    Why is it boring when your friend Don tells you about his wife leaving him but you laugh when you find out that she left him for another man named Don?

    Why is a funny cowboy dance hysterical but a funny sailor dance confusing?

    When you see someone sinking in quicksand, is it funnier if you know the person?

    Did the Vikings have jokes, and, if so, were they surprisingly gentle?

    Is pointing and laughing something we do naturally, or do we have to learn it? Likewise, can someone without a sense of humor be taught to have one, or must it be beaten into him?

    For there to be comedy, must there also be tragedy? For the comedy of someone heckling an actor, must there also be the tragedy of the person being escorted from the theatre?

    If your friend is struck by lightning and he seems to be all right, but his hair is smoking, is it O.K. to laugh?

    Why does Marta still laugh when I put on my T-shirt backward, even though I’ve done it hundreds of times?

    Are some things never funny, like a man accidentally chopping off his finger with a hatchet, and wrapping up the finger and taking it to the hospital, then discovering that it isn’t his finger but one of the Vienna sausages he was having for lunch, and then eating the sausage?

    Is there humor on other planets, and is it so advanced that it makes our fart jokes look crude and primitive?

    Why is a man slipping on a banana peel funny, but not as funny as a man choking on a banana peel?

    If a man finds a message in a bottle, is it funnier if instead of a message it contains a tiny little banana peel?

    Can something be true and funny at the same time, like “Your head looks like a melon”?

    Shouldn’t a person who tells a joke in a bar and gets no laughs be entitled to a free beer?

    If a tree falls in the forest, on top of an old man with a walking stick, does he make a sound?

    What is funnier: a dad trying to get his kid’s kite up in the air but getting it caught in a tree, or the dad trying to get the kite down with a rake and accidentally tearing it to pieces?

    Is there a story that would best illustrate what humor is, and, if so, what would that story be?

    Do insects have a sense of humor, and does it involve stinging you?

    Will there ever come a time when we won’t need laughter, when we’ll be sitting on soft pillows, wearing our shimmering metallic robes, drinking our soothing space tea, and perhaps one of us will reach for a piece of cheese housed in an ancient device known as a mousetrap, and the mousetrap will snap on the person’s finger, and he’ll let out a yowl of pain, and the rest of us won’t spit the tea out of our mouths but will just stare blankly?

    Will that time ever come? Let us hope so.

  114. 114.

    Kay

    January 13, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    @Steve in the ATL:

    Thanks. Sounds easy enough! I know I can’t just show up with 130 thousand dollars and be passing it out to random bribees. I’ll just pass it thru a crooked lawyer, like Our President.

  115. 115.

    debbie

    January 13, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    @debbie:

    Flu news.

  116. 116.

    Gelfling 545

    January 13, 2018 at 6:55 pm

    @Gelfling 545: district

  117. 117.

    Frankensteinbeck

    January 13, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    @germy:
    I have thought about the nature of comedy a lot, the sensation of humor and why it happens. Someone said humor is anxiety relief, but that doesn’t line up at all to my observations.

    My theory is that humor is the pleasant sensation of two unrelated concepts connecting mentally. At its most primitive level, saying ‘butt’ is funny to a toddler because there’s an awareness you’re not supposed to, so saying it connects a concept that’s not supposed to be talked about with open conversation. A pun connects two unrelated words. A joke that takes awhile to get is often more funny because it’s a distant connection, so the sensation when the concepts connect is intense. By the flipside of that, explaining a joke doesn’t work because you’re spreading the sensation out until it’s unnoticeable. A silly hat is a hat that is jarringly different from what people normally wear, so there’s a constant sense of these unrelated things being forced together. And so on.

    I think people often laugh from happiness, but that’s a different emotion than humor, it just expresses similarly. That’s where cruel humor usually comes into play. It’s not really comedy, it’s just enjoying being mean.

    Another speculation: Horror is the *un*pleasant sensation of two unrelated concepts connecting mentally.

  118. 118.

    J R in WV

    January 13, 2018 at 7:00 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    I don’t recall the actual numbers, but I got credit for several weeks of sick leave, some vacation, Navy service, a little less than 4 years, the Vietnam war was over for us and downsizing was happening. Then I worked for a couple of years back in the mid-70s for “Educational Broadcasting” as a Video production worker.

    Then as a software guy, a couple of years for the state Tax Dept, nearly 20 years with my last job, in which I became management, anyway, it all added up. But I got to count everything but work in the private sector.

  119. 119.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 7:00 pm

    @Kay: It has now been reported that he’s also paid off Jessica Drake. After the inauguration. She has signed an NDA and her publicist indicates that she is not permitted, by the terms of the agreement, to even say the President’s name.

    Porn star Jessica Drake, who accused Trump of unwanted sexual advances and is a different person from the porn star who allegedly had an affair with him, has signed an NDA with someone involving "her allegations of misconduct" about Trump. https://t.co/QEENwWOODM pic.twitter.com/oOyjltwbBe

    — Garance Franke-Ruta (@thegarance) January 13, 2018

    The Daily Beast was informed late Friday that porn star Jessica Drake is not allowed to discuss President Donald J. Trump on account of a non-disclosure agreement she signed barring her from any such talk. NDAs are often deployed as part of settlements to silence accusers.

    “Jessica’s NDA blankets any and every mention of Trump, so she’s legally unable to comment,” her publicist informed The Daily Beast. “Jessica signed a non-disclosure agreement after her allegations of misconduct, and she can’t do as much as peep his name publicly.”

    The White House has not yet responded to requests for comment.

    The Daily Beast also reached out to Drake’s attorney Allred for comment, but had not received a response as of the time of publication.

    More at the link.

  120. 120.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 13, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    @germy: Sounds like some “Deep Thoughts”.

  121. 121.

    germy

    January 13, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    That’s where cruel humor usually comes into play. It’s not really comedy, it’s just enjoying being mean.

    I agree.

    Also, interesting theory about Horror.

    I think Humor is often a recognition of a universal thing. A comedian will point out some habit or trait that I thought was unique to me.

  122. 122.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    @Brachiator: It is as much art as science.

  123. 123.

    Steve in the ATL

    January 13, 2018 at 7:05 pm

    @Adam L Silverman: has anyone tried bleeding flu victims? That should work.

  124. 124.

    Adria McDowell

    January 13, 2018 at 7:05 pm

    My kid is in kindergarten, and a notorious hugger (trying to break her of that), and I’m honestly surprised that she hasn’t gotten the flu. She did have a cough for weeks this past fall. I thought it would never go away.

    @Kay: I’m most confused about how she was in negotiations with (IIRC) Good Morning America to discuss her affair right before the election last year, but supposedly denies that anything ever happened now. Uh huh. *side eye*

  125. 125.

    germy

    January 13, 2018 at 7:05 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: He’s a funny man.

  126. 126.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    @Kay: I think he’s suggesting you run it through Steve. That way he can charge for the billable hours.

  127. 127.

    Brachiator

    January 13, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    My theory is that humor is the pleasant sensation of two unrelated concepts connecting mentally.

    Freud actually wrote a good work about this, The Joke and Its Relation to the Unconscious.

    Although it is a good read, it’s not very funny.

  128. 128.

    Adam L Silverman

    January 13, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: I like my flu victims cooked to a proper and safe internal temperature.//

  129. 129.

    satby

    January 13, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    @Another Scott: thanks for letting us know about that!

  130. 130.

    lamh36

    January 13, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    Late in thread, but if ya’ll remember I work in a hospital Microb lab and this flu season is kicking our behinds. we doing at least 25 tests a day, almost 200 tests last month alone, about a 20% + (mostly A but also B)that’s not counting the number of lab workers, who are required to be vaccinated, coming down w/it

    as a lab worker in a hospital, we are pretty much required to get the flu shot, so the majority of us have, but if not then you are required to wear a mask at all times. A number of folks who have had the shot, have gotten the flu anyway, but a milder version than the full flu.

    https://twitter.com/psddluva4evah/status/952326438392422400

  131. 131.

    Another Scott

    January 13, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: I like that explanation a lot. Thanks.

    Someone recently pointed us to Emo Phillips – Once I was in San Francisco… (4:15)

    :-)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  132. 132.

    JMG

    January 13, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    I got my flu shot at my physical in November. My wife got one today and the guy at the pharmacy said it was the next to last dose of the vaccine they had in stock, with no more to come.

  133. 133.

    J R in WV

    January 13, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    @raven:

    Gotta say, I spent time in Philly, my oldest best friend was from Philly, still see them, going to Baja with them in March, so glad to wee the Iggles win.

    Hawks had some tough calls from the officials.

    Will we ever know what’s a catch without asking NY?

  134. 134.

    Mandarama

    January 13, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    @Another Scott: Thank you so much for reposting this! I missed it completely in the original thread.

  135. 135.

    CarolDuhart2

    January 14, 2018 at 12:23 am

    Thank you all. It’s a bit complicated, but here it is. I was advanced sick leave, but when the consolidation came, that was over. In any event, I had to use accrual to pay back the balance. I did so until I decided to retire, leaving me with a balance. It wasn’t just my heart issues-it was also asthma and other issues that led to this problem. It wasn’t a problem before 2010. I always used to have at least one day I could use, and sick leave too. But when things got hairy work-wise (I was a seasonal and worked only 4 months one year). I fell into a deficit..

    Retiring-I will have a pension, and there’s Social in 10 months, and a lump sum somewhere, but until this is taken out of those funds, it’s getting complicated for me.

    I will be able to withdraw from the TSP in about a month or so. It’s just this month and maybe the next I have to deal with.

    Some would say that I should have waited. But after the first week’s brutal cold, and a sinus infection on top of this, I’m glad I went this time.

  136. 136.

    CarolDuhart2

    January 14, 2018 at 12:33 am

    Bus rider in -10 degree weather that first week probably would have killed me. I’m not as young as I used to be. I used to be off during those weeks.

    Back to Tweety. I’m watching for signs that he may be asked to take a graceful out-retirement with a nice sum to go away. If enough HRC supporters make a fuss, we could make it so.

  137. 137.

    fuckwit

    January 14, 2018 at 12:42 am

    @Brachiator: It’s the dopamine hit of the unexpected.

  138. 138.

    No One You Know

    January 14, 2018 at 3:40 am

    @CarolDuhart2: And I’m glad you’re back. (Hug, with all appropriate flu preventions in place…)

  139. 139.

    Sab

    January 14, 2018 at 3:53 am

    @CarolDuhart2: After all, there are actually a lot of us.

  140. 140.

    CarolDuhart2

    January 14, 2018 at 6:10 am

    I never doubted the accounts of witch-burning. But the over-the-top HIllary hate makes me glad she was born in this era. And it leaves me baffled as to the cause. It is out of proportion to anything she has done and could have done. And a lot of what she has done was under Obama and with the understanding of Clinton. So why not blame them at least?

  141. 141.

    Tehanu

    January 14, 2018 at 4:21 pm

    @Raoul:

    And this year’s flu shot is a 90% miss. They are never spot-on, but unfortunately, this one is less of a match that most.

    @Brachiator:

    The hope is that “good enough” will provide a significant amount of protection.

    @lamh36:

    A number of folks who have had the shot, have gotten the flu anyway, but a milder version than the full flu.

    I have the flu shot religiously, every year, in September or October. This year I did as usual, then got a virus just before Christmas and was pretty sick for 4 or 5 days, but it never quite devolved down into total flu. So I think yes, the shot is what kept it from being full-fledged, thank goodness. It was bad enough, but the last time I actually had the flu, I wasn’t in danger of dying; I just wanted to die. So 30 or even 10% is way better than nothing.

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