Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

“They all knew.”

The National Guard is not Batman.

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

“woke” is the new caravan.

America is going up in flames. The NYTimes fawns over MAGA celebrities. No longer a real newspaper.

If rights aren’t universal, they are privilege, not rights.

In after Baud. Damn.

These are not very smart people, and things got out of hand.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

We will not go back.

It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.

Giving in to doom is how we fail to fight for ourselves & one another.

Not rolling over. fuck you, make me.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

The republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

People are complicated. Love is not.

I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.

You are here: Home / Balloon Juice / Meetups / No Sacramento Meet-Up… But…

No Sacramento Meet-Up… But…

by | 66 Comments

This post is in: ,

Sad news from Lahke:

Hi, and I’m so sorry to rescind the invitation, but my father died unexpectedly yesterday and I don’t think I’m up for it.

In one sense it wasn’t unexpected because he was a week shy of his 99th birthday and quite frail, but he was not sick before. He just had breathing trouble and then seizures and then died. At least I was here in town, and not having to fly in from Boston now.

Condolences, Lahke.

+++++++++++

On the other hand, a request from Steve in the ATL:

Hey—what about a SanFran meetup this weekend?

… and Hugely:

Or a San Diego meetup huh?

Send me an email, if you’re too shy to leave a comment below.

Reader Interactions

66Comments

  2. 2.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Lahke: I am terribly sorry. No matter how old — if they are loved, it is too soon. Condolences and {{{{{hugs}}}}}

    (Edited to correct the orientation of the hugs.)

  3. 3.

    Sab

    I am so sorry. At least you were nearby. It sounds like it was relatively quick. Very hard on the family, but best for the loved one.

  4. 4.

    Marcopolo

    My condolences. Glad your dad lived a long life and I hope you being nearby means you were also able to spend some time with him.

    As for any CA meet ups—have fun, too far for this Midwesterner.

  5. 5.

    sphex

    Lahke, I’m so very sorry for your loss. As Sab said, I’m glad it was relatively quick…

    re: meetups- I’ve never been to one, but am curious if one ends up happening in San Diego…

  7. 7.

    Schlemazel

    @Lahke:Sorry for your loss, I hope you can remember all to good times & be warmed by them in his absence.

  8. 8.

    Schlemazel

    With all the juicers coming to Minneapolis for the Stupor Bowel maybe we should have a meetup here

  11. 11.

    Boussinesque

    I wish you peace and solace from your grief at this difficult time, and will keep you in my thoughts. (I know I don’t comment much, but I always read and appreciate yours)

    Re: meet ups, I’d love to get to a SanFran or South Bay gathering of jackals on a future Saturday, but *this* weekend is, unfortunately, a bit too short notice

  13. 13.

    Elmo

    I’m on the Right Coast, but I’m up for any nearby meetup that includes Steve in the ATL. Us labor lawyers have to stick together!

    Steve, when are you in the DC area? There’s lots of jackals here!

  15. 15.

    Aleta

    @Lahke, I’m sorry. May the rest of your time there go smoothly and your trip home be an easy one.

  18. 18.

    (((CassandraLeo)))

    I’m on the wrong coast for the meetup.

    My condolences, Lahke. I haven’t lost a parent yet and I can’t imagine what a horrible loss it’ll be. Even losing an uncle last year basically caused me to stop functioning for several months, and I think I’m only now snapping out of it. I don’t think I’ve really interacted with you before, but I wish you the best. If you need counseling, don’t hesitate to seek it out; grief can cause all kinds of completely unexpected psychological ailments, and they can definitely sneak up on you without you realising – which, in fact, is exactly what happened to me.

  20. 20.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Elmo:

    Us labor lawyers have to stick together!

    Maybe you could form a, whaddayacallit, some kind of group of people who do similar work? Nah.

  22. 22.

    Lyrebird

    Dear Lahke,

    Let me echo all the good statements above… wishing you all the support you need as you go through this painful time.

  23. 23.

    High Plains Snifter

    @Lahke – Thinking of you and your family. Be well.

    I could be persuaded to hang out with some of the local degenerates here in SF. Like seeks like.

    Is there any sort of plan? Er, I suppose the first question is, is anyone else actually interested in showing up somewhere, and would that be the Saturday or the Sunday, and etc.?

  32. 32.

    Blue Nana

    Lahke, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s never easy but I’m glad you’re already there and don’t have to deal with airports at this time.

  33. 33.

    Gin & Tonic

    @(((CassandraLeo))):

    I haven’t lost a parent yet and I can’t imagine what a horrible loss it’ll be.

    Now is the time to appreciate the fact that you have a relationship with them that will cause you to face their loss with grief. Not everyone has that sort of relationship.

  34. 34.

    MisterForkbeard

    @lahke, that’s awful. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    I’m available for a SF area meetup this weekend if others are interested. I think there’s at least 3-4 of us around, though I think Major^4 is out of town at the moment? Can’t remember.

  35. 35.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Gin & Tonic: Mine are in their mid-70s. I can’t imagine either of them not being around. But I lost my first grand when I was 26. And I knew two of my greats. I appreciate what you say.

  37. 37.

    laura

    Dear Lahke, please accept my condolences on your loss. If, in the future, you find yourself on the west coast in the bay region, I’d be honored to help host you and fellow jackels. In the meantime, blessings of peace and grace to you, your family and those privileged to know your father.

  40. 40.

    High Plains Snifter

    @Yutsano: Sounds very familiar.

    I’m coming to terms with the fact that both my father and my grandmother are not long for this world. I’ve lived at least a day’s drive from them my entire adult life, and while I don’t regret those choices, I can’t ignore the costs.

  42. 42.

    lahke

    Thank you all for the sweet thoughts. My dad was a lot of fun, and would have been a jackal if he’d been younger.
    I’m in California visiting often, so maybe next time. Have fun in SF, everyone!

  48. 48.

    (((CassandraLeo)))

    @Gin & Tonic: Very true, and I appreciate your emphasising this. I’ve been pretty consistently grateful for that lately, as I doubt I’d have weathered the past several months without them – and for that matter, several earlier stretches where I didn’t fully appreciate their support until last year. A writing I was working on unexpectedly turned into, among other things, an autobiography. I’m pretty sure I’d have been on the streets, or in a mental institution, or incarcerated, or dead without them. I didn’t fully realise how true that was until I really examined several stretches of my adult life that I’d mostly been avoiding thinking about (they were pretty traumatic – not my parents’ fault. Often at least partially self-inflicted, though in my defence, I completely lacked adequate preparation or knowledge to deal with a lot of the challenges I faced, as did my parents).

    That’s a piece of knowledge that I gained renewed appreciation for just tonight, given some conversations I had in a support group. I’ll try to keep this on the vague side to obscure the identities of those involved without rendering it incomprehensible, but one of the parents’ children is currently incarcerated, and due to the Kafkaesque inability of our legal system to handle people with mental disorders, things are vastly worse than they should be.

    The kid (maybe not a fully appropriate term since he’s in his twenties, but in my experience, most people with autism, myself included, are quite a bit behind neurotypicals when it comes to several crucial aspects of development, so it’s how I think of him – and as a consequence, I also doubt it’s even ethically justifiable for our legal system to treat him as a legal adult, so that’s how I’ll continue referring to him) has been subject to at least five major physical attacks in jail and is terrified of prison since he thinks (with some justification AFAICT) that that’ll be worse. He seems to be actively hoping for a bunch of consecutive “11/29” sentences (11 months, 29 days, which, at least here, is the longest sentence that only sends you to jail rather than prison).

    However, because (like me) he’s evidently very high-functioning, a lot of people, including cops, those in the legal/judicial system, and juries, just assume he can’t possibly have a disorder because they assume everyone with autism acts like fucking Rain Man or some shit. (That film was an extreme double-edged sword for us: it was responsible for the first popular attention we received, but a lot of it was the wrong kind of attention. A lot of us aren’t savants, and many of us are good at blending in unless we’re agitated – indeed, society pretty much trains us to do exactly that. I’ve probably spoken to dozens of other autistic people about Rain Man, and not one of them felt it was a realistic representation of their behaviour or of the challenges they faced.)

    I should note that I’m not trying to fault the parents here – the mother in particular seems to be doing everything she can to try to fix things. It seems like a case of the kid never being able to find legit medication/therapy that worked, eventually self-medicating with illegal drugs, developing severe addictions, and falling into a life of crime as a result. Reflecting on it, it feels very much like a “for want of a nail” situation for me, which is completely chilling. I have no idea what I’d have done if I hadn’t had a place to stay. I very well might have gone down a path of substance abuse in that set of circumstances, and I can’t begin to imagine how that would have affected my behaviour. This kid is like 6’4″ and 250 lbs or something, so he at least has the physical ability to fight back when people attack him. I’m tiny. A foot shorter, probably just over half the weight, and I have essentially no training in self-defence. I’m also reticent, fairly androgynous, and socially awkward, none of which seem helpful personality traits for inmates.

    The part I keep coming back to is “How the fuck does any of this actually improve anyone’s life?” It’s barbaric. I’m completely lost for words at the moment trying to enumerate all the ways this is wrong – all the ways it traps people in self-perpetuating cycles of crime. No one is going to be healed by an environment in which they are repeatedly subjected to violence from other inmates. They won’t leave rehabilitated; they’ll leave with psychological scars that they won’t have the resources to deal with. They’ll probably be worse off after they leave than they were beforehand. I wouldn’t be surprised if something like 30% or more of ex-cons have PTSD from their time behind bars. And probably another significant proportion develop other disorders from it. And then of course there are all the addictions, and the disorders they already had which probably got worse from their stint behind bars, and… I want to scream.

    How the fuck is this remotely acceptable? Even if we accept that many of them are behind bars for things that merit incarceration – which in a lot of cases is true – if they’re crimes that don’t demand life imprisonment, then we should at least be releasing them in a condition where they can get on their feet, if only because this will reduce the chance they won’t end up back in jail. And then there are the other issues like it being next to impossible for them to find legit employment, them not even being able to fucking vote in most states, and so on. Again, I want to scream.

    It’s not only cruel to the inmates; it’s not even efficient. We’re probably at least quadrupling the rate that these people will end up behind bars again. From a purely utilitarian standpoint, what is even the fucking point of that? (My cynical half feels inclined to ask, Why even bother releasing them?) We’re all but insuring that we’ll, as tax payers, end up paying the bill for their second, and third, and fourth, and etc. incarcerations because we’re not fucking properly reforming them the first time. It’s as though the designers of our prison system read The Trial and said, “That sounds like a great idea!” But an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and like so many other parts of our society, no one seems willing to provide the prevention.

    It also often seems as though the criminal justice system isn’t actually designed to handle any other options than “incarceration” and “mental institution” – and doesn’t seem to have any idea how to mix the two options. I understand some of it. I mean, this pretty much goes into the realm of psychiatry and therapy, and police and judicial employees rarely have training in either of those. I barely ever have any sympathy for our police these days, but I can at least appreciate that most of them have never been educated about a lot of these psychological disorders and we can’t expect them to become experts in handling them right away. Dealing with us is often like learning to speak an entirely different language – and not one different language for all of us; one different language for each of us individually. (This seems to be one of the least popularly understood aspects of the disorder.) I can’t fault anyone for not acquiring this skill overnight, and honestly, it’s a skill I doubt some (many?) people will ever even be able to learn.

    But again, it goes into Kafka territory quickly. HIPAA and other confidentiality laws are well-intentioned, but when it comes to criminal justice, they often seem to result in walls going up between legal/mental health professionals who end up not being able to do their fucking jobs as a result. They’ll have crucial details of biography or patient history missing and be expected to serve a client/patient effectively without explanations for crucial aspects of their cases. The legal system will give people “psychiatric examinations” from psychiatrists they’ve never met before that take 15 minutes, and then it’ll treat those as binding, apparently sometimes even overruling diagnoses of professionals who’ve worked with the patients for years. You can’t diagnose someone in fifteen fucking minutes. If they’re autistic, you can’t even get a grasp on the basics of their biography in fifteen minutes.

    I mean – is this all because of the private prison lobby, or is it just what happens when cries for law’n’order get so extreme that they completely overwhelm reason? It feels like a form of sacrifice we’re inflicting upon our own populace – which lands primarily on racial minorities and those with disabilities. A sacrifice to Moloch, like our gun violence.

    I’m still sorting through my feelings about this, but I’m kind of quietly furious about it. (Well. Maybe no longer quietly by now. This post probably reads as something of a barely controlled scream of rage. I hope it’s coherent and not too repetitive, but there are passages that seem barely controlled, and I don’t know how to fix them. Then again, they might actually work better that way. IDK. Apologies if this is incoherent to the point of being bothersome. This is also probably also the sweariest post I’ve ever written here. I don’t feel inclined to change that, though.)

    I think it may end up turning into a screenplay. I’m thinking crime/legal drama with elements of magic realism, since I’m not entirely sure I can portray all the psychological issues in a way that will make sense to neurotypicals if I keep it completely grounded in reality. I wish I could help in some other fashion as well, but I don’t have the requisite legal training nor the social services training and can’t think of any other contribution to make.

    In any case, I’m pretty sure I appreciate my parents tonight more than I ever have.

  50. 50.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    Lahke, I’m so sorry. It’s a hard loss no matter how long you had him in your life. It sounds like he was here in SF?

    As for an SF meet-up: I’m interested, and available Saturday afternoon/evening or possibly for a bit of Sunday afternoon. A previous BJ SF meet-up (maybe the only one?) was at Thirsty Bear, and that seemed to work well.

  52. 52.

    (((CassandraLeo)))

    BTW, sorry for long semi-OT rant in thread not marked as open thread. It didn’t really even occur to me to check until after the edit window expired, and it wasn’t my intention to post something that could end up creating a thread hijack, but I myself am a bit shaken, and hopefully the topic of my rant is a least of interest to other jackals.

  54. 54.

    MisterForkbeard

    @Steve in the ATL: I can probably swing Sunday or Saturday. Can someone nominate somewhere to meet, if we’re going to do this? I haven’t actually been to a bar/restaurant in the city since… hell, 3 years ago when my kid was born.

  60. 60.

    Steve in the ATL

    Friday happy hour would also work, before I have to cross the bay for dinner with friends in alameda

  64. 64.

    Origuy

    Could probably make Sunday evening. I do like Thirsty Bear, and it’s been a long time since I’ve been there. I have an orienteering meet in Gilroy in the morning, so the afternoon would be cutting it close.

Comments are closed.