Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

Let’s finish the job.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Come on, man.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

So many bastards, so little time.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

No Justins, No Peace

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

The words do not have to be perfect.

You are here: Home / Politics / America / A Well Regulated Militia: In This Case Not So Much…

A Well Regulated Militia: In This Case Not So Much…

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The Oath Keepers have decided that they are going to start providing security at America’s schools, or as I suspect the schools that are not in inner city areas of America, until local, state, and Federal officials can secure them against potential mass shooters.

Imagine if every school campus in the United States had its own volunteer security officer: a former police officer or military veteran equipped with an assault rifle.

That’s the dream of Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes.

 In the wake of the February 14 massacre at a Parkland, Florida high school, Rhodes is calling on members of his far-right anti-government militia group to serve as unpaid and unaccountable armed school guards — whether teachers and students like the idea or not.

Rhodes wants the military and police veterans who make up Oath Keepers’ membership to volunteer for unpaid, rotating shifts at schools of all levels, and colleges, throughout the country. He and two other representatives of the fringe militia community will hold a webinar Monday night where they plan to encourage Oath Keepers to station themselves at schools “to protect the children against mass murder, and to help train the teachers and staff.”

“I think it’s essential,” Rhodes told TPM in a Monday phone call. “It’s part of our responsibility to do what we can.”

“And what we can do is be outside of schools so that we’re closer if an attack happens, or when one happens,” Rhodes continued. “We’ll be there to be a fast response.”

An Oath Keeper in Indiana apparently got the party started.

FORT WAYNE, Ind. (WPTA 21) –

An Oath Keeper armed with a handgun and AR-15 is standing watch outside of a local high school.

On Friday, Mark Cowan began his watch at North Side High School. He’s armed with a handgun and is keeping an AR-15 rifle nearby, in the front seat of his car.

He said he plans on standing at the school every day.

Cowan is a member of a group called Oath Keepers of Indiana, a “non-partisan association of current and formerly serving military, police, and first responders, who pledge to fulfill the oath all military and police take to ‘defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic’,” according to their website. 

Cowan said the Indiana Oath Keepers have about 100 members who are watching high schools across Eastern Indiana in the wake of a deadly shooting in Florida more than one week ago. He told ABC21 that although students and parents were not made aware of the Keepers standing guard, they have informed local police.

Cowan said he’s ready to risk his life to protect the children.

“These are kids. Ain’t none of those kids in there allowed to carry a gun to protect themselves,” he said. “There’s one school resource officer… take a look at the size of this school, look at the size of your school where you’re at. One officer ain’t enough.

“If somebody comes to this school or another school where we’re at, that school shooter is going to know, we’re not going to play games… You come to kill our kids, you’re dead.”

Local school officials aren’t too thrilled.

The Public Information Officer for Fort Wayne Community Schools Krista J. Stockman said they take the security of their schools very seriously.

“We understand he has a right to be out there,” Stockman said, “as he is not on our property, but we do not believe it adds to the safety of our students. At North Side, as at all of our schools, we have security procedures in place. In addition, at North Side, we have armed police officers in the building every day.”

Is Mr. Cowan a good guy with a gun? You be the judge:

Fort Wayne’s NBC has learned that Cowan has been convicted of misdemeanor battery resulting in bodily injury.

We uncovered that he was charged in an altercation with another person.

Fort Wayne’s NBC reached out to Cowan for an on-camera interview. He declined but did talk to our team over the phone.

Cowan says he was protecting his family and says the man he hit had already hit one of his grandsons and was about to hit the other.

A misdemeanor battery conviction does not prevent him from carrying a firearm.

Well then, no potential issues here at all.

I’ve been studying, researching, analyzing, and writing about these folks since the early 1990s and this is not likely to end well. In pretty short order one of these fine outstanding citizens will take it upon himself to start actually policing who is coming and going to and from the school. By policing I mean questioning anyone they think looks sketchy who is approaching or leaving the school. Teachers, staff, students, parents, vendors and delivery drivers, and legitimate visitors. And by sketchy I mean anyone who is darker than a manila file folder. Something like this:

(Just so there’s no confusion in case Speaker Boehner visits Indiana on vacation, he’s somewhere between creamsicle and orange peel.)

(Speaker Boehner Colar Swatch)

Things will get interesting when someone decides to do the sane thing and ignore the Oath Keeper or Oath Keepers. When that happens we’ll see if they’re hanging out adjacent to schools to provide an extra set of eyes and ears or whether they expect that everyone needs to respect their authoritah! If I was a betting man, I’d put money on the latter, not the former. Local officials need to nip this in the bud really quickly. Otherwise they’re going to have a vigilante force that feels empowered by inaction on their hands. And that is not going to end well at all.

ETA at 11:55 PM EST:

The minute that one of these fine folks actually provides unofficial armed response he or she would be in violation of the Federal Gun Free School Zones Act. The minute they set foot on school property armed in response to what they think is an attack or any other problem, they’ve broken that law. There’s no exception for members of the Oath Keepers.

Stay frosty!

Open thread!

Reader Interactions

157Comments

  2. 2.

    Adam L Silverman

    Completely off topic, but if anyone has any suggestions, please post with links. I was planning on buying one of these:
    https://www.duluthtrading.com/store/mens/mens-accessories/44407.aspx

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kevXUHFZ3DM

    I was just waiting for the next site wide 35% off sale. I went to check on something and they’re no longer being sold. I even checked with Duluth Trading customer service, who were very helpful and checked all the outlets to see if they could snag one for me. They basically went from in stock to discontinued in the space of two weeks without even a clearance sale email notice.

    If anyone has a recommendation for a similar product, I’d greatly appreciate it. And before you ask, yes, I’ve looked at the options at Amazon and I’m frankly not very enthused by what they have.

    Thanks in advance.

  4. 4.

    Corner Stone

    I doubt it will happen but if I ever see one I will call 911 every time. And raise hell in the school admin office.

  7. 7.

    ? ?? Goku (aka Baka Amerikahito) ? ?

    a former police officer or military veteran equipped with an assault rifle.

    Oh goody, just what schools need: washouts so bad that not even the police unions could save them from being fired patrolling schools. What if the students and teachers don’t want them there?

  8. 8.

    efgoldman

    @Adam L Silverman:

    If anyone has a recommendation for a similar product, I’d greatly appreciate it.

    Damn, they’re expensive. OTOH but a really good garment bag for someone that travels as much as you it’s probably worth it.
    If Steve allegedly from ATL is still up, maybe he has some suggestions.

  10. 10.

    PhoenixRising

    Out of respect for the short life and unnecessary death of Trayvon Martin, who was murdered by a trigger-happy self-appointed enforcer of white supremacy 6 years ago today, I will confine my comments to the following:

    This is the whitest thing I have seen this week.

  11. 11.

    Major Major Major Major

    @mtobey

    *hiding in a closet from an active shooter*
    Me: This psycho has a machine gun and he just loaded another clip. Somebody help!
    GOP: We’re here to help! It’s actually a semi-automatic rifle and they’re called magazines, not clips. Okay bye!

  17. 17.

    Adam L Silverman

    @efgoldman: That’s why I was waiting for the 35% off site wide sale they run every few months. And I had a pair of $10 gift cards they sent me as a courtesy when they screwed up an order I made before the holidays. The shipping was delayed and they couldn’t figure out why. They actually sent me the gift cards with a note explaining why before I called up to complain.

  18. 18.

    Citizen_X

    he was protecting his family and says the man he hit had already hit one of his grandsons and was about to hit the other.

    Oh really? Because “convicted of battery” is a strong indicator that that is a pile of bullshit.

  20. 20.

    ? ?? Goku (aka Baka Amerikahito) ? ?

    @Major Major Major Major:
    Almost. It would probably go more like this:

    *hiding in a closet from an active shooter*
    Me: This psycho has a machine gun and he just loaded another clip. Somebody help!
    GOP: It’s actually a semi-automatic rifle and they’re called magazines you filthy libtard. But don’t worry we’ll pay 25% of the costs for your funeral*

    *As long as the shooter shot you 15 times on a Tuesday.

  21. 21.

    Timurid

    I had a Marine veteran in one of my classes who was an Oathkeeper. He claimed that 1/3 of active duty Marines and 2/3 of (recent) Marine veterans were ‘Keepers. I sure as hell hope that was confirmation bias talking…

  23. 23.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Omnes Omnibus: Would the parents or teachers have standing to request a restraining order to keep them away?

    Moreover, there stated task and purpose, which is to provide unofficial armed response would be a violation of the Gun Free School Zones Act. The minute they set foot on school property armed in response to what they think is an attack or any other problem, they’ve broken that law. There’s no exception for members of the Oath Keepers.

  28. 28.

    efgoldman

    @Adam L Silverman:

    There’s no exception for members of the Oath Keepers.

    But they probably think there is, if they think about it at all.
    ‘Fie was king, I’d classify them as a terrorist organization. Not likely the next few years.

  29. 29.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Would the parents or teachers have standing to request a restraining order to keep them away?

    That would depend on state law and local regulations. The Gun Free School Zones Act violations seem more obvious.

  30. 30.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Omnes Omnibus: Unfortunately the only garment bag they have is a standard rolling one. I already have one of those. This was for a 1 to 3 day temporary duty trip where I can put two suits and dress shirts in it, a pair of shoes, and then pack the rest of the stuff in my ruck and not have to check any bags.

  35. 35.

    efgoldman

    @John Cole:

    I buy all my underwear from them

    Jesus Cole. I didn’t know you were really rich. They’re as expensive as the stuff that advertises on BJ from time to time

  38. 38.

    scav

    I was also idly rather wondering about how well they’ve screened their oathy-membership for pedophiles, because that would be one hell of a cover for getting close to loads of kids, moreover close and with the assumed aura of authority (and packing).

    Good thing all those sacred children are safe from inappropriately gendered individuals in bathrooms though.

  39. 39.

    M. Bouffant

    Would-be school shooters nation-wide will enjoy checking how accurate their sights are on some cretin standing outside the school. Maybe once the oaf is dead they can get his gun out of his car & use it too.

    Normal people should just throw stuff at him as they drive by until he gets so mad he finally takes a shot at them. That might demonstrate how idiotic this all is. And put him away for a few yrs.

    And are they all going to pose w/ their rifles like the Lexington Minuteman statue they stole for their logo?

  40. 40.

    Corner Stone

    @Adam L Silverman:

    where I can put two suits and dress shirts in it, a pair of shoes,

    If you find one, please let us know. In 20+ years I have never found one that would meet that standard, at basically any price point.

  42. 42.

    Adam L Silverman

    @John Cole: I am partial to the Armachillo drawers and undershirts. I also have several long sleeve ts, short sleeve cool max ts, a couple of shawl collar sweaters, an Alaskan Hard Gear light fleece. An Alaskan hard gear heavy fleece, one pair of chocolate wild boar mocs, one pair of black suede wild boar mocs. And some Alaskan Hard Gear moisture wicking ts. All of it on sale. They are, for this sort of stuff, what Lands End was before Sears destroyed them. Great products, great prices with the sales, and great customer service.

  45. 45.

    Mike J

    This is a BFD

    Lockton @Lockton
    Lockton Affinity has notified the NRA that it will discontinue providing brokerage services for NRA-endorsed insurance programs under the terms of its contract.

  46. 46.

    Cheryl Rofer

    Here’s a not-exactly-meme that I’m seeing. People vary the wording slightly and use different (uncomplimentary) pictures. They’re not hashtagging it.

  47. 47.

    No One of Consequence

    I for one, fail to see where this situation, like, well pretty much any and every other situation cannot be resolved, made moot, countered, intimidated, or convincingly ‘won’ by the application of more and/or greater calibre or lethality of citizen-toted firearms.

    Maybe it’s just me.

    – NOoC

  48. 48.

    Mike J

    @Mike J:

    142
    Donut says:
    August 26, 2014 at 9:31 pm
    @Roger Moore:

    Most firing ranges have liability insurance and many buy it through an NRA-sponsored program administered by a brokerage firm called Lockton Affinity. It’s actually the biggest profit-center for that company’s division. Don’t ask how I know this, but it’s true. And no, I don’t work there or for the NRA.

    https://balloon-juice.com/2014/08/26/you-deserve-to-be-dead-you-moron/#comment-5096868

  50. 50.

    Citizen_X

    @Timurid:

    1/3 of active duty Marines and 2/3 of (recent) Marine veterans

    Utter nonsense. Every one of those armed rightwing organizations comprises a few hundred goons, at best, nearly each one of them carrying a pathological need to inflate their numbers.

  59. 59.

    ? Martin

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    The Oaf Keepers NRA are white supremacist fucktards.

    FWIW, I call 911 any time I see someone with a gun who isn’t obviously Barney Fife or Gomer Pyle. Every time.

    15 years ago I had an incident whereby one of my students was stalking another, and it came to the point of an illegal firearm being discharged. I spent a week at work, doing nothing but dealing with this, trying to get the university to pay attention. They sorta did at the last minute, but it was the work of another police force a county away that ended up stopping the young man. He spent 7 years in prison. I nearly got fired that week, unwilling to put up with the runaround by the police, counselors, student health, and so on. The following week I was commended.

    I’m glad I listened to the concerns of the other students. I’m glad I acted as much as I did, and also troubled that it still got to the point that someone was nearly killed. If I see a gun, I call 911. I don’t care if you’re an undercover police officer. I won’t be embarrassed by calling. If someone is worried about a gun being near them, I call the police, I tell everyone. Your gun is not a secret and I don’t give a shit if 3 uniformed officers need to escort you around the city to prevent me from calling them constantly.

  60. 60.

    Cheryl Rofer

    Okay. You can find them by searching “I pledge to work for free” on Twitter.

  61. 61.

    Jay

    @Citizen_X:

    Yup, La Meute in Quebec, claims 60,000 members,

    The most they’ve ever gotten out to a “protest”, is 25.

    Pretty sure the rest are Russians and Bots.

  62. 62.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    Not withstanding the Guns in schools zones thing, these idiots would never be allowed in the schools with any kind of weapon. Do they think that a shooter is going to make himself known outside the school in advance so they can “take them down” what nonsense. In another observation have you seen the video where the Governor of Washington is telling Donny Dollhands (I love that expression) that he is full of shit when it comes to arming teachers and Donny folds his arms and starts swaying from side to side like fucking five year old saying “I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you, la la la la la” he looks so childish it is amazing.

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @Adam L Silverman: Sorry, when I went to college, back in the Dark Ages, my parents gave me a three piece set of luggage from Bean that included the item you wanted. It lasted for years and years. I currently have some Tumi stuff.

  71. 71.

    Corner Stone

    @? Martin: A lifetime ago I had an Econ prof who had an affair with a student. She broke it off and he stalked her, eventually breaking in to her apartment in the middle of the night with a gun. Yeah, arming teachers and having guns around schools is a great idea.
    I plan to call 911 any and every time I see anything like one of these OKeeper assholes near a school.

  74. 74.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Timurid: I was looking for something to assign in my other ways of war section for the students in my Culture, Strategy, and Policy elective. So I had a copy sent over on interlibrary loan and read a couple of chapters. Not the whole thing. Because of what I was using for other traditions I ultimately went with Ghandi’s Baghavad Gita, which is the Gita with the annotations of Ghandi’s commentary from when he led a daily Gita study. That’s no knock on your book, the Ghandi annotated Ghita just fit better.

    I need to get a copy and give it a proper read, but what I remember is that it was very well written.

  75. 75.

    No One of Consequence

    @Omnes Omnibus: That ‘The Answer’, never seems to entail anything that doesn’t require *more* guns, which at the end of the day, makes weapons manufacturers (the ones the NRA works for) more cash. I was trying to be Snarky, but my sarcasm implied meter is broken, and now I’ve gone and pissed off a poster/commenter whose work I actually really appreciate.

    Banner day, all and all.

    Frankly, I’m willing to go Cole one more, I would like to ban anything with cartridges. Shells, casings, anything like that. Police and Military get armaments as one would expect, but civilians can do with muzzle-loaded rifles and blunderbuses. 2nd amendment all the way, spirit of the founders! Just limited to the technology of the founders, the way Gahd intended, when She helped the Founding Fathers write the Important Documents. Moron Labia and all that worthless dreck.

    Lastly, which no one will now read, if there are any SF fans out there familiar with the Xanth books, that author wrote a (I thought at times clever) series called BattleCircle, if I remember correctly. The premise there was that guns were no longer allowed. Melee combat resolved disputes of signifiant import.

    Anyway, sorry to piss anyone off. I’ll go back to lurking. You can stop my doing that. Shakes his fist at an errant cloud on the way out…

    – NOoC

  77. 77.

    Corner Stone

    @Citizen_X: I would also…and not trying to be cat ageist here or anything…but a 29 yr old guard cat? That seems like they would rather be looking for a ray of sunlight to nap in than actively pursuing a deadly threat.

  78. 78.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Adam L Silverman: in my experience traveling with suits and dress shirts for a couple of decades, the “you had one job” meme applies perfectly to garment bags. Roll up your shirts and suits and whatnot and pack them in ordinary cases. Can’t speak for stuffing them into cubes, but that is all the rage with the kidz these days.

  79. 79.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Amir Khalid: Their founder is a lawyer, though presently disbarred. If he’s not going to do it, then I don’t know who will. Other than Federal law enforcement and someone from the US Attorney’s office.

  82. 82.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Corner Stone: I thought the point was that a near- or slightly past-death cat is equally effective at guarding children as one of the moronic gun nuts.

  85. 85.

    Mnemosyne

    @Steve in the ATL:

    Packing cubes are the shiznit, but I mostly wear t-shirts and jeans, so wrinkles aren’t a huge issue anyway. They’re especially great at keeping different types of clothing organized so I don’t have to unpack the whole bag just to find my swimsuit or whatever.

  86. 86.

    Another Scott

    @No One of Consequence: Don’t run off. Post more often.

    If you’re concerned that something might be misinterpreted, you can do what Adam does and add “//” at the end. Or you can do what I do and add “!!!1!1ONE”

    The solution isn’t to lurk more, it’s to post more.

    “Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  88. 88.

    No One of Consequence

    @Omnes Omnibus: Understood. I wasn’t here for Cole’s original woke moment, but I’ve been around since before Tunch passed unto stillness. A coupla few years prior to that I think. For example, I may be one of only a handful of people who actually know the Fate of the Mustard.

    And you are right, usually when I comment, it is either (rightly) ignored, or it sometimes gets a bad bounce. Not my intention for trying to smith wording into common KoolKid parlance.

    It’s all good, I get a lot from reading at this place. And many of the front pagers are awesome too. So, sorry again. Didn’t mean to ruffle or annoy or offend. Any more than I would normally. And certainly not malignantly pointed at anyone like some common off-hand firearm.

    – NOoC

  92. 92.

    Corner Stone

    @Steve in the ATL: The gun nut stationed outside has at least a chance of getting shot beforehand. With this warning all the students and staff have a chance to duck out the back way.

  95. 95.

    MisterForkbeard

    @John Cole: And with that recommendation, I ordered a couple of good collared shirts. Good enough for tech work, and if they’re comfortable that’s a huge bonus.

  96. 96.

    Corner Stone

    @No One of Consequence:

    For example, I may be one of only a handful of people who actually know the Fate of the Mustard.

    What the fuck? Are you actually a real life Lara Croft? TELL US WHERE THE FUCKING MUSTARD IS!

  101. 101.

    frosty

    @Mnemosyne: Hmmm. I’ve been managing this by putting the T-shirts on one side of the duffle bag, socks and underwear on the other side, spare shoes lengthwise, shirts folded on top. And by the third day on the road it’s a mess. Haven’t wanted to deal with the weight or cost of cubes but I see your point.

  103. 103.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Corner Stone:

    The gun nut stationed outside has at least a chance of getting shot beforehand. With this warning all the students and staff have a chance to duck out the back way.

    I can see it now:

    “OMG we’re in danger—there’s a gunman coming to the school!”

    “How do you know?”

    “Someone shot the obese pedophile republican gun nut out front!”

  105. 105.

    Fair Economist

    @M. Bouffant:

    Would-be school shooters nation-wide will enjoy checking how accurate their sights are on some cretin standing outside the school. Maybe once the oaf is dead they can get his gun out of his car & use it too.

    This means anybody who wants to get an assault rifle for his rampage can just shoot the Oaf Keeper out front. A cheap handgun will suffice as long as they’re a decent shot.

  107. 107.

    eemom

    @PhoenixRising:

    This is the whitest thing I have seen this week.

    What do you mean? That these neo Nazi gun fuckers are only being talked about now because white school kids are involved? Honest question.

  109. 109.

    frosty

    @efgoldman: It appears NOoC screwed up his snark and has apologized downthread. Your call and I’m unaware of any other history but if it was me for this one instance I’d unpie.

  111. 111.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et Al.)

    My ten year old goes to school where her blond, white ass is much in the minority. I’m only hoping these assholes are going to look at mostly minority schools as not being worth bothering with protecting [sic]. This is going to get somebody killed. If we’re truly lucky, it’ll only be one of the oaf keepers.

  112. 112.

    MisterForkbeard

    @PJ: Exact same same one I recommended earlier in the thread. I’ve got one, and it’s performed very well.

    But you’re right, the major problem is the price point. Expensive but excellent quality.

  113. 113.

    Corner Stone

    @frosty: When my son and I travel together and we check one bag, using cubes is amazingly helpful. IMO they are worth the initial cost.

  114. 114.

    No One of Consequence

    @Corner Stone: I’m to phucking Veteran WOKE, I remember when common wisdom was you were a professional Troll, and many folks were using Cleek’s early beta pie filter on you.

    I didn’t agree with some of what you said, but, for the record, I never pied you.

    I wouldn’t do that.

    Never do that…

    Heh.

    Like I said, I really like this place, and it is one of my go-to’s every day, many times. I get a *lot* from Adam’s posts about security, government, military, etc. But so many other great commenters too.

    And I am a rescue-dog guy, and have been for decades, even though I am the current human for a Porti-Doodle of approximately 7.25 months minus a uterus…

    Bona Fides, bitches.

    – NOoC

  115. 115.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Corner Stone: this could be a fun game:

    “That fat bastard outside wearing all the camo hasn’t ________________ in at least three minutes.”

    -exposed himself to a child
    -shot off one of his toes
    -shouted “MAGA!” while Cheeto dust flies out of his mouth

  116. 116.

    No One of Consequence

    @Mike J: That’s awesome. Stolen! (May I? Just to use in discussions with others. Gaseous-exchanges only. No claiming digital ownership of any kind.)

    – NOoC

  118. 118.

    M. Bouffant

    Bit o’ clarification, as I read the story hrs. ago:

    To avoid confusion, members will be asked to wear a “long-range identifier” like a sash or orange vest, as well as a “close-range identifier” one that copycats cannot imitate, Rhodes said.

    And this:

    “If somebody comes to this school or another school where we’re at, that school shooter is going to know, we’re not going to play games,” Cowan told local station WPTA. “You come to kill our kids, you’re dead.”

    Dimbulb doesn’t seem to be aware that most school shooters are students already right there in the school, not “outside agitators”.

  122. 122.

    trollhattan

    The scene: sprawling suburban high school comprising multiple buildings across several acres. At 6:45 a.m. across the four-lane arterial from the school an old dude sits in a pickup truck He is outfitted with with a pistol, semiautomatic rifle, “tactical” knife, police scanner and various whatnots. Between 5:00 and 7:00 a.m. 250 staff arrive, mostly by car. Between 6:45 and 8:00 a.m. 3,500 students arrive by car, bus, foot, bicycle, skateboard, etc. Each is carrying one or two backpacks, a musical instrument, artist’s portfolio, etc.

    One arrival is a former student carrying a backpack and a second long fabric case. He looks like any other student. He enters the school, climbs the stairs, takes out his rifle and starts shooting.

    How does the old dude in the pickup fit into this scenario?

  126. 126.

    No One of Consequence

    None of this ends better than the hypothetical WallMart mental experiment where an accidental discharge leads to a mass casualty event.

    Dumbass A in Housewares has his Penis Extension go off accidentally, wounding a nearby innocent lady in the foot. She begins screaming in pain.

    Dumbass B in Automotive hears the shot, doesn’t see anything, but then hears screaming. He unholsters his Penis Extension and crouch-scoots towards where he believed the shot to have come from.

    Dumbass C in Frozen Foods hears the shot, hears the screaming, and crouches down to unholster his mini-penis Extension from rolling down his sock and getting it out of an ankle holster. During this time, he sees Dumbass B heading by the end of the aisle he is on, crouching, approaching with intent, with weapon drawn and being aimed. He thinks YipeeKaiYay and levels out, calmly pulls the trigger and shoots Dubmass B dead with a headshot.

    Dubmass D who is next to the dairy case, had his headphones on, didn’t hear any shots, but just saw Dubmass C in Frozen foods plug and kill Dumbass B who had a gun drawn. Dumbass D now levels off on Dumbass C, and shouts for him to drop his weapon. C turns on D thinking that there is another shooter on the enemy team and C and D shoot each other.

    And on, and on and on.

    It is a fucking school. Let’s not turn it into a shooting gallery. WalMart, well, people are rolling those dice and taking those chances. Public schools are another matter, in my mind and opinion.

    – NOoC

  129. 129.

    No One of Consequence

    @Corner Stone: If I had found something awesome I would share. It’s a personal blue moon, and I am posting. I’ll go back to lurking for another several lunar cycles. No worries.

    None of the notes are hitting. I was actually trying to think of when I started reading here. Bush was still in office I believe. DailyKOS had gone nutty. Well, nuttier than usual, with the big major site overhaul, changing everything, establishing everybody’s own pages, or something like that. Fractured the whole thing and lost the cohesion and probably lost a lot of folks just like me.

    Anyways, its been a while. Wish I had some nice chemicals, but it was just a long day of work.

    Peace,

    – NOoC

  131. 131.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    @Steve in the ATL: Add “used a pink dildo” to that list. Yes I know very obscure reference but back in the good old days when the Oafkeepers began it was during the Obama administration (or even prior to that if I recall). They were convinced that “Obummer” was going to take all their guns and all that and were an integral part of the “Birther” community. Anyway one of their heroes somewhere was being charged for all sorts of nefarious acts (including stealing evidence from a court house) and the brave Oafkeepers mobilized and set out for said courthouse in his defense. One of them was pulled over by the local police and was found to have all sorts of weird stuff in the back of his truck, including said pink dildo. Not sure what he was going to do with it in defense of the constitution and all that but it caused a great deal of mirth to us in the Fogbow community.

  132. 132.

    MoCA Ace

    Try Duluth Pack. Everything they make is top quality and absolutely bullet proof. I have used their canoe packs for years and they can handle anything. Their garment bag is built the same way and like their packs it is ridiculously expensive.

    Also, I am a long-time lurker but first-time poster. Balloon Juice has been my go-to blog for pet news, rage inducing current events, and entertaining commentary for more than two years and this is the first post that compelled me to jump into the snark infested waters… go figure.

  133. 133.

    Adam L Silverman

    @PJ: Thanks. I’ve looked at several varieties of those and the reviews all say the zippers have issues. They look neat though.

  134. 134.

    LosGatosCA

    @trollhattan:

    Assuming the oath keeper hasn’t gotten bored by the lack of action and become the unhinged shooter, I’m guessing the shoot first and let his god of guns sort it out later would be the governing principle.

    you must destroy the school to save the students – that survive

  137. 137.

    Mike J

    Floppy Boot Stomp @the_edwin_mix 4h
    “I pledge to work for free” for any school to help secure the children. I am a 29 year retired veteran Martian Space Ranger with combat experience. I have a conceal carry, Primary and Alternate side arms, an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator and all necessary tactical gear

  140. 140.

    Steve in the ATL

    @MoCA Ace:

    Also, I am a long-time lurker but first-time poster. Balloon Juice has been my go-to blog for pet news, rage inducing current events, and entertaining commentary for more than two years and this is the first post that compelled me to jump into the snark infested waters… go figure.

    At least it wasn’t the pink dildo that did it. Welcome!

  141. 141.

    GxB

    @Omnes Omnibus: I thought they were “understaters” as in: “I think this Trump fellow may be a bit off, and the people who continue to support him are a might bit misled.”

    In a more general observation, I’m all for license, registration, and a metric fuckton of liability for everyone even tangentially connected to a shooting. Anything semi or full auto would be restricted to a range if they are to remain legal at all (and they shouldn’t – IMHO.) I haven’t fired a gun in over two decades though I will inherit my dad’s few old “sporting” guns. Couple .22’s, an old 30.06 deer rifle, a 20 gauge bolt action (my old bird gun) and a pump action 12 gauge that dates to the mid 1920’s which is probably rather valuable to a collector. Ya wouldn’t hear me whining if I had some hoops to jump through, and I’d probably just sell them off anyway.

  142. 142.

    Duane

    If I’m parked at a school with an AR-15 and a couple of handguns the authorities can’t stop me because I’m with the oafkeepers? Good to know.

  143. 143.

    Mike J

    @GxB: As far as ways to ban things, I was thinking about the articles in the Atlantic and Wired where doctors describe the difference between an assault rifle wound and one from a handgun.

    Assault rifles fire a smallish bullet at very high speed. A .44 fires a big bullet at a low speed.

    Speed x Mass = deadliosity. Ban weapons where D > some number. Not just a little lower than an AR-15, but significantly so, so they can’t shave 1/100th of a gram off and make it legal again. The .22 one might use to plunk rats is very, very different from a .223 Remington coming out of a AR-15.

  144. 144.

    MisterForkbeard

    @Adam L Silverman: Haven’t had any issues with mine, but YMMV. It’s clean, no problems with the zip and it stays zipped.

    I guess that’s my full criteria for zippers.

  145. 145.

    Sm*t Cl*de

    @M. Bouffant:

    as well as a “close-range identifier” one that copycats cannot imitate, Rhodes said

    These barmpots spent way too much time reading the Lensman series.

  148. 148.

    Sm*t Cl*de

    @Timurid:

    OT, but I only got to it when the earlier thread was dead

    “It was already dead when I got there.” Trust me, that story never works.

  150. 150.

    Elmo

    @Adam L Silverman: Coming in very late, but in case you check back, let me strongly recommend the case I’ve been using for five years. It has a foldout garment bag on one side, a hard suitcase on the other, and it is absolutely a Tardis. Everything fits. And it’s a carryon. In five years of Platinum level travel, I have never checked a bag.

    It’s Here On Amazon.

    Note – it’s inexpensive as hell, and the zipper pulls are cheap plastic and will break. Replace em. Best bag ever.

  155. 155.

    celticdragonchick

    @Fair Economist:

    This means anybody who wants to get an assault rifle for his rampage can just shoot the Oaf Keeper out front. A cheap handgun will suffice as long as they’re a decent shot.

    Yep.

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