Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

When we show up, we win.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

President Musk and Trump are both poorly raised, coddled 8 year old boys.

So fucking stupid, and still doing a tremendous amount of damage.

We will not go back.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Giving up is unforgivable.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

Live so that if you miss a day of work people aren’t hoping you’re dead.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Anne Laurie is a fucking hero in so many ways. ~ Betty Cracker

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

So very ready.

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

To the privileged, equality seems like oppression.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / American Gothic Horror Story

American Gothic Horror Story

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Had a bunch of errands to run, some stuff to do in the yard, and some more calendars were returned because I fatfingered the addresses, so I got myself all slicked up and took my annual spring selfie:

That’s my great-great-grandmother’s mirror. And before you all give me a lot of shit about the overalls (Ann Burr hated them and quipped I was Angry Bob Vila), they are comfortable, they are never too tight, they are just the right temperature in the fall and spring with a t-shirt or long sleeve shirt, and with a pair of thermals they are perfect in even the coldest weather. Plus, they have lots of pockets for my phone, my wallet, my pocket knife, a pen, keys, and dog treats, and you can adjust them to fit depending on your current level of fat. They are also indestructible- you can get them filthy, throw them in the wash, hjang em up to dry, and you’d never notice you were covered head to toe in dirt.

They are also the perfect camouflage for my area of the universe. I could commit a murder in broad daylight, and the witness descriptions would be “a fat white guy in overalls” and the cops would just give up because that’s basically the state of West Virginia. All that, and I have been reliably informed that they serve as remarkably effective birth control, so I got that going for me as well.

Speaking of Black Panther, I bought the soundtrack and have been basically listening to it nonstop and it is awesome. Kendrick Lamar is a god damned national treasure. I bet I listen to Good Kid or Section 80 each twice a week while driving. Not as much a fan of to Pimp a Butterfly, and DAMN! is still growing on me, but I love the new Black Panther soundtrack.

Reader Interactions

146Comments

  4. 4.

    Corner Stone

    I’m going to give FedEx a few more hours to deliver my AR and a fresh batch of Can’t Evens and then we’ll see what happens.

  5. 5.

    Frankensteinbeck

    They are also the perfect camouflage for my area of the universe.

    My life would have been much easier if I’d learned to blend in with my clothing. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down in Southern culture.

  8. 8.

    Corner Stone

    I’m still trying to figure out who Steve is trying to ransom by making Cole post this “proof of life” picture.

  9. 9.

    JCJ

    Old McDonald sitting on a fence
    Swung at a fly with a monkey wrench
    Missed the fly, hit ‘im in the balls
    Pissed all over his overalls

  10. 10.

    satby

    I used to have a female friend who wore overalls all the time, for the same reasons. Probably still does. I only wore them when I was pregnant.
    It’s a shame that most comfortable clothing is so butt-ugly though.

  12. 12.

    GxB

    Why does the theme to “Green Acres” spring into my mind just looking at that pic? Just keep on, keeping on JC – go on with your bad self.

  14. 14.

    germy

    Private Twitter messages obtained by The Atlantic show that Roger Stone and WikiLeaks communicated directly on October 13, 2016—and that WikiLeaks sought to keep its channel to Stone open after Trump won the election. t.co/Ro9QkKbbES— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) February 27, 2018

  16. 16.

    jharp

    I wear a vest for pockets, comfort, and mobility. Year around.

    And if it’s goose down it is fine for the winter in the Great Lakes states most of the time.

    And I started wearing a hat almost always. Great for warmth. Great in the rain. Great to prevent skin cancer. And great to keep the sun out of your eyes. (which we eventually fuck up you vision)

  17. 17.

    chris

    @dlwchico: I’ve been intentionally losing weight and suspenders are now mandatory or my jeans fall off. Not buying new stuff until I hit my goal. I like overalls for working in the summer, they’re breezy.

  21. 21.

    NotMax

    Judicious use of a razor blade will clean up the overage of paint on the mirror’s glass.

    As for the attire, shall refrain from anything more than a passing mention of Mrs. Murphy’s chowder.

  27. 27.

    Corner Stone

    @chris:

    I’ve been intentionally losing weight and suspenders are now mandatory or my jeans fall off. Not buying new stuff until I hit my goal.

    That’s really not a good look, IMO.

  28. 28.

    Josie

    John: I understand completely. I bought a fleece vest last year and have fallen in love with it. Always before, going without a jacket felt too cold and wearing a jacket felt too warm and confining. The vest worn with a long sleeved shirt or tee is just the right amount of warmth for most central Texas winter weather. And it has nice big pockets. Now I want one in every color so I can coordinate with all my shirts. A good pair of jeans and my boots and voila – I’m set for the winter. I say enjoy your overalls and ignore the critics.

  29. 29.

    Schlemazel

    @John Cole:
    I started wearing overalls back in the 70’s, they were cheap, durable & comfortable. They became hip shortly there after & I switched to painters overalls (white cotton, not as durable). I have switched back now. They are perfect for working around the house & yard.

  33. 33.

    Steeplejack

    Okay, based on this post, I will no longer take shit from anyone about mooching around in khakis and polo shirts.

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    That is a beautiful mirror. How fortunate you are to own that treasure!

    I have no problem with overalls, but then I have long believed that comfort > style.

  36. 36.

    Waratah

    I think you have lost a lot weight, that is terrific. I prefer to dress for comfort myself these last few years. I dated a guy who wore them and he could shed them fast.

  39. 39.

    NotMax

    I have been reliably informed that they serve as remarkably effective birth control

    Country contraception.

    ;)

  40. 40.

    Thom Rogers

    I have to tell you John, I read every post you write. But today’s penultimate paragraph had me laughing out loud.

  41. 41.

    Feathers

    People were talking last night about Duluth being expensive, but the family clothes budget went down when I started shopping at Duluth for my ex’s work/everyday wear. Not only did they last, but the fabric is high enough quality that the stains pretty much always washed out. That said, he loved him some Carhartt. Quite the New Englan Redneck skiing at fancy resorts in his Carhartt coveralls.

    That I had to buy his clothes really lets you know why he is my ex.

  42. 42.

    Jeffro

    While we’re discussing overalls, the IC IS STRIKING BACK!

    Kushner had his security clearance downgraded (canYouIMAGINE what would have happened if Pres. Hillz had let Chelsea’s husband see the nations’ most sensitive secrets all year without a clearance, and then he had to be downgraded due to “issues”?!?!?) and now it appears that there are recordings of foreign countries’ agents discussing how to manipulate him due to his business interests (i.e., debt)

    Standards…do we have any standards here Republican people?!?

  44. 44.

    JPL

    Beautiful mirror, and the next time you go to a democratic national convention, I will willingly chip in for new wardrobe attire for you.

  45. 45.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @satby:

    And that image in the mirror is in great shape considering how old it must be.

    Couldn’t resist fixin’ that for you. (J/K, John.)

  46. 46.

    The Simp in the Suit

    And before you all give me a lot of shit about the overalls

    John, John, John…

    Don’t explain. Don’t complain.

    Ain’t it great being king?

  48. 48.

    Betty Cracker

    I dimly recall that overall shorts for women were a thing back in the late 80s, and I had some. Wouldn’t be surprised to see them make a come-back — I’m startled to see clothing that looks like it’s from that era on younglings today.

  49. 49.

    WaterGirl

    @Jeffro:

    …and now it appears that there are recordings of foreign countries’ agents discussing how to manipulate him due to his business interests (i.e., debt)

    Wow. Is there a link for that?

  51. 51.

    Jeffro

    H.R. McMaster, President Trump’s national security adviser, learned that Kushner had contacts with foreign officials that he did not coordinate through the National Security Council or officially report. The issue of foreign officials talking about their meetings with Kushner and their perception of his vulnerabilities was a subject raised in McMaster’s daily intelligence briefings, according to the current and former officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive matters.

    Within the White House, Kushner’s lack of government experience and his business debt were seen from the beginning of his tenure as potential points of leverage that foreign governments could use to influence him, the current and former officials said.

    They could also have legal implications. Special counsel Robert S. Mueller III has asked people about the protocols Kushner used when he set up conversations with foreign leaders, according to a former U.S. official.

  52. 52.

    Cermet

    You might take John Cole out of West Virginia but you can’t take West Virginia out of John Cole; if only you were holding a pitch fork it would remind me of a certain person in a painting that was standing next to a rather hard ass looking woman.

  54. 54.

    WaterGirl

    @Betty Cracker: I had them, too! What’s the name for the color that I call “green khaki”? That’s the color mine are.

    They are still in my closet, but there’s no way I would fit into them today. But soon, maybe! I am thinking of forming an exploratory committee to think about whether I want to create a plan for thinking about what to do about losing some weight.

  55. 55.

    Jeffro

    Officials in the White House were concerned that Kushner was “naive and being tricked” in conversations with foreign officials, some of whom said they wanted to deal only with Kushner directly and not more experienced personnel, said one former White House official.

    Kushner has an unusually complex set of business arrangements and foreign entanglements for a senior White House aide, experts have said. But his behavior while in office has only drawn more scrutiny and raised concerns that he would be unable to obtain a final security clearance, which he needs to perform the many jobs Trump has entrusted to him, from negotiating foreign trade deals to overseeing a Middle East peace process.
    “We will not respond substantively to unnamed sources peddling second-hand hearsay with rank speculation that continue to leak inaccurate information,” said Peter Mirijanian, a spokesman for Kushner’s lawyer.

    White House officials said McMaster was taken aback by some of Kushner’s foreign contacts.

    “When he learned about it, it surprised him,” one official said. “He thought that was weird…It was an unusual thing. I don’t know that any White House has done it this way before.”

    YA THINK?!?

  56. 56.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Betty Cracker:

    Yup, I had — and wore — a pair of those bib overall shorts, although I’m remembering them from the early ’80s. Every now and then, even now, I find myself wondering Whatever happened to rompers?

  57. 57.

    WaterGirl

    @Jeffro: Holy fucking fuck.

    edit: I might have to get some sort of adult beverage before I can continue reading that article.

    I am gonna say it and I’m sure I am going to go to hell. Jesus Fucking Christ – no one thought to do something about this when they “noticed” it?

  58. 58.

    TaMara (HFG)

    My favorite season is when cute girly overalls are back “in” and then I stock up. I’ve never tried a real pair of denim from the farm store style…but might have to. I think you look adorable…but part of me wants to see what the Queer Eye guys could do for you. ;-)

  59. 59.

    debbie

    Overalls were great back in art school. No matter how filthy with photo developer, oil paints, or lithography inks, they always washed clean.

  60. 60.

    No Drought No More

    I wear overalls when I feel like it too, Cole, and have also been cruelly mocked for it. Neither do I care, being as comfortable a bit of clothing as I’ve got to wear, especially in hot weather. Great mirror and nice hanging lamp, too. Lest We Ever Forget: “fuck ’em all”..

  62. 62.

    TenguPhule

    @Cermet:

    if only you were holding a pitch fork it would remind me of a certain person in a painting that was standing next to a rather hard ass looking woman.

    Its obvious John Cole ate both of them. //

  64. 64.

    WaterGirl

    @Jeffro:

    Kushner’s interim security clearance was downgraded last week from the top-secret to the secret level, which should restrict the regular access he has had to highly-classified information, according to administration officials.

    emphasis mine.

    The official said that McMaster was “not concerned but wanted an explanation. It seemed unusual to him.”

    Why the hell was McMaster not concerned?

    A Mexican diplomatic source said that Kushner “has remained strictly professional” in his dealings with the country, “with both sides looking after their interests but trying to find common ground.”

    hahahahaha

    Questions have also been raised about whether Kushner discussed financing with a Russian banker. Kushner met in December 2016 with Sergey Gorkov, the top executive of Vnesheconombank. The bank has said they talked about “promising business lines and sectors,” but Kushner told Congress that the meeting did not involve any discussion about his family’s company.

    Does anyone here believe that? Even for a second?

  65. 65.

    Steeplejack

    @John Cole:

    I was browsing some Duluth Trading stuff on line a few months ago and was surprised to find that they have a store close to me, about 25 miles away in Manassas. I was out that way later for some reason and stopped by. The merchandise looked good, although it was somewhat expensive, at least the items I looked at. Couldn’t tell if it was “expensive = overpriced” or “expensive = paying for good quality.” I bought a couple of different styles of underwear to try out, and I have been pleased with them.

    One thing that struck me was how strong the “middle-aged to older white guy” demographic focus seemed to be. Creedence on the in-store music system. Need I say more? Other subliminal hints that I can’t quite articulate.

    But I will say that it was nice to find that there’s a store nearby in case I want to check out something before buying it.

  67. 67.

    Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes

    Huh. My assistant asks me today “have you ever been diagnosed as ADHD? I think you’ve got it…”

  71. 71.

    Roger Moore

    @Jeffro:

    Officials in the White House were concerned that Kushner was “naive and being tricked” in conversations with foreign officials, some of whom said they wanted to deal only with Kushner directly and not more experienced personnel, said one former White House official.

    I take it “naive and being tricked” is a polite circumlocution for “on the take” in this White House.

  72. 72.

    cgordon

    Isn’t there a joke about why there’s no CSI: West Virginia because nobody has teeth for dental records and all the DNA is the same?

  73. 73.

    David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch

    Green Acres is the place to be.
    Farm livin’ is the life for me.
    Land spreadin’ out so far and wide
    Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

  75. 75.

    StringOnAStick

    Yesterday I had my first real experience with a crazy person while taking light rail, at rush hour no less. Thankfully the fare check cops were on board and eventually got to her and made her get up from her seat beside me and get off the train with them so they “could show her how to purchase a ticket” since she couldn’t produce one. Booze and something else I’m sure; she tired to call out the young woman sitting across from me about her necklace, claiming the symbol was “of the devil” and tried to perform an exorcism dance. The saddest thing was that she had a very patient small white dog with her; I feel awful seeing a poor little dog caught up with such a lunatic. I don’t know what happened after they took er off the train since my stop was further down the line.

    Experienced mass transit riders, what is the best approach with people like this?

  77. 77.

    cain

    If anybody is a candidate for Queer Eye, it’s John Cole. We need to make that happen!

    ETA – the guy in the first episode reminds me of Cole, although that guy was waaay more fun ;)

  78. 78.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    Rockin’ the overalls, Mr. Cole! You got some orange Crocs to go with them, or are you more a Lil’ Abner’s boots guy?

    I jest… my old work used to occasionally require a mechanic’s big ol’ onsie. Damn comfortable outfit.

  81. 81.

    Origuy

    I’d never heard of Duluth before this thread. (The store, not the city. Twin Cities residents joke about people from Duluth.) I have trouble getting shirts that fit my arms but don’t ride up over my belt. They have a line of long tail shirts and the long-sleeve polos are on sale. I bought three.

  82. 82.

    Jeffro

    @WaterGirl: They are not used to this level of scrutiny, that’s for sure. I still don’t think they ‘get’ that the IC is listening to everything they say and has been since Day 1.

  85. 85.

    Humdog

    My “coveralls” are like a tank top sewed to a longish skirt. I too can vary the shirt underneath to fit the weather but there is no problem with having your overalls piled up on the floor when you need to use the toilet.
    I think you look nice, John, and you’d fit right in with Humbodlt County.

  90. 90.

    John Revolta

    It should give us all pause to reflect that the guy in the picture probably knows a couple dozen ways to kill somebody……………

    don’t go pickin’ fights

    (pickin’ banjos is okay. If you must.)

  91. 91.

    debit

    @Origuy: I bought my boss a Duluth Trading flannel shirt for Christmas; dude wears it everywhere. It’s heavy and soft and made me wish I’d bought one for me.

  93. 93.

    Steeplejack

    @WaterGirl:

    Exploratory committee is always a good first step.

    I was going to say “loden” about the color, but I can’t find the relevant Being John Malkovich clip on YouTube.

  95. 95.

    MomSense

    @frosty:

    I have the same vest in sage green. $4 at Goodwill. The little handle is missing from the main zipper so I added a few beads.

  98. 98.

    oatler.

    Up in heaven Lowell George is smiling.
    Re the mirror: reminds me of the one in “Beyond the Grave” .

  100. 100.

    mai naem mobile

    I see so much ugly ugly fashion out there that I cannot belI’ve you guys oare giving JC a hard time about overalls. Seriously leave JC the fuck alone.

  102. 102.

    frosty fred

    @MomSense: Just tried to reply with no luck, take two: When my daughter called my new computer glasses “little hipster glasses” it did not come across as a compliment. Something about the tone of voice.

  103. 103.

    Steeplejack

    @NotMax:

    That’s probably it.

    Enjoyed your comment about the small mixer last night. Bookmarked that for future reference. I’ve been looking for a similar thing in the food processor category. Don’t have room for a big one, but don’t know how small I can go without loss of functionality. Would like one that could handle at least some dough mixing and do the other stuff as well.

  105. 105.

    WaterGirl

    @MomSense: I would say yes, but I think we need a teenager to tells us whether that was a compliment or a dig that is going over our heads.

  106. 106.

    Steeplejack

    @Roger Moore:

    I take it “naive and being tricked” is a polite circumlocution for “on the take” in this White House.

    Or Bertie Wooster-level idiot (without the redeeming characteristics).

  109. 109.

    Joeg

    John – I love old things (mirror), comfortable things (overalls), and bitchin’ cool things I count on everyday (Balloon Juice). Thanks John! You’re a cool dude.

  110. 110.

    WaterGirl

    @Steeplejack: I’m actually a bit further along than that. I am casually testing the “don’t eat for 12-15 hours” between dinner and breakfast thing to see if it could work for me.

  114. 114.

    NotMax

    @Steeplejack

    I also sprang for the food processor attachment for the mixer, as there was a modest savings when purchasing both. Good size food processor. Container is of hefty and sturdy quality, about 6 inches across and about 6 inches high. Comes with the regular blades, slicing disc and also both fine and coarse shredding inserts for the disc.

  116. 116.

    RPh

    “…. before you all give me a lot of shit ….”

    Wait, when did the course of performance change around here?

  117. 117.

    laura

    Re: overalls, when the public library”s director’s husband died, attendees at his memorial service were asked to attend in bid overalls, or at least pin on a paper cutout of blue overalls.
    The late, beloved Abe Sass had always been known as a caller of bullshit, and his trademark phrase was “shitty-ass rat-fuckers” and that’s what we were called upon to shout in his memory.
    I cannot see a pair of those overalls without thinking of them as SARF’s, and somehow, I think it suits you Mr. Cole.
    Nice pair of rat-fuckers you’ve got in that there photo.

  119. 119.

    Steeplejack

    @WaterGirl:

    I assume she means something like “fist pounding on table” stridency, but that evokes even more disturbing imagery. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that?)

  120. 120.

    FlyingToaster

    WarriorGirl has written a haiku:

    John cole’s selfie — yay!
    very confused why he does
    an annual selfie.

  121. 121.

    The Midnight Lurker

    Old, fat men in overalls, wearing swords and armed with lawn darts RULE!!! P.S. — Hey John, is it cool to wear sandals cause I wear sandals.

  123. 123.

    Steeplejack

    @NotMax:

    Huh. I’ll have to read the fine print. I didn’t notice the thing about the food-processor attachment. Good to know.

  130. 130.

    Steeplejack

    TFW you think a thread is still live and you’ve written five out of the last seven comments.

  131. 131.

    MomSense

    @Steeplejack:

    He is either telling me I look youthful and current in a good way or telling me that I’m trying to look too young and hipster in a bad way.

    I was just trying to find frames big enough for my “progressives”.

  132. 132.

    FlyingToaster

    @Steeplejack: She’s 10, and her instructors are forgiving. We parents tend to be less so, but my job tonight was only typing. HerrDoktor was helping with spelling (the original for confused was “confueesed”). We’ll see how the teachers feel about it.

  133. 133.

    Aleta

    White painter’s overalls are lightweight.
    Then there are the painter’s overalls with attached hood and boots for cutting ahead in the grocery store line.
    And the Disposable Coveralls to cut down on laundry.

  137. 137.

    Aleta

    @Aleta: You can compare the specs on their various 4 cup and 2 cup model numbers (like the motor) at this site. The manuals for each also mention the # of cups you can process for different foods. For example, a 4 cup processor may go down to 2 cups for some things. It may be about motor strength. A newer lid types seems to let you do smoothies. You can do small amts of dough, like pie dough, on the small ones now.

  140. 140.

    Corner Stone

    @MomSense:

    I was just trying to find frames big enough for my “progressives”.

    There’s a bad fitting bra joke in here somewhere.

  141. 141.

    J R in WV

    @Aleta:

    I have a real small Cuisinart blender, just big enough for a 2-person batch of pesto, or chopped nuts or bread crumbs. I also have a big processor, big enough to do potato soup or puree sauces for a big meal.

  142. 142.

    Olivia

    @WaterGirl: I was thinking the same thing. She probably heard a similar phrase somewhere, thought it sounded catchy and decided it was perfect. All without really knowing. You would think an editor might catch it but it was probably edited by a church lady or she did it herself.

  144. 144.

    Robert Wright

    Similar feelings about Kendrick. Good Kid is still my favorite album of his. You should check out Acid Rap by Chance the Rapper. I’ve become obsessed with it recently. Only guy that comes close to Kendrick at the moment IMO.

  145. 145.

    Mel

    @Ruckus: I’m with you. I’m all about a good pair of Levi’s.

    @John Cole: Overalls were my and my best friend’s teenage and college era barn work outfits. Literally, over all garments that would be worn at that evening’s field party: shorts or jeans, t-shirt or tank top. Peel off the horse shit and creosote covered overalls (or not, if running late) wash hands and arms – ready to go.

    The look might have been cute, but I’m pretty sure that the aroma was significantly less than enticing!

  146. 146.

    Matt Smith

    There’s a lot of hate out there for cargo shorts, too. And that’s most of what I wear for work. Apparently, anything that has enough pockets to keep a guy organized is horrible fashion.

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