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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / Help, I’m Being Mauled by a Bobcat

Help, I’m Being Mauled by a Bobcat

by John Cole|  March 9, 201810:01 pm| 125 Comments

This post is in: Cat Blogging, Dog Blogging

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Steve had a nice dinner of some canned mackerel and kibble that I warmed up and stirred together so he would not just eat the fish, and then he got a good brushing and is now so sound asleep on my shoulder he is drooling. Every so often in his sleep he reaches out with his paws and rests them on my chest, and he is snoring slightly in my ear.

It’s kind of our nightly routine. He comes in from outside, has dinner, I come downstairs from the home office and make his dinner and mine, and then we watch tv and surf the internet. Lily is on my lap, Thurston is on the ottoman on my feet, and Rosie is in her doggie bed. When I have called it a night and head upstairs for bed, usually by the time I have brushed and flossed, washed my face, and put on lotion, Steve, Lily, and Thurston are all in bed and Rosie is in the doggie bed in my bedroom.

It’s good to have routines.

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Reader Interactions

125Comments

  1. 1.

    Schlemazel

    March 9, 2018 at 10:08 pm

    Bob? I thought you named him Steve.

  2. 2.

    Villago Delenda Est

    March 9, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    Steve has you well trained, Cole.

  3. 3.

    Adrift

    March 9, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    So beautiful. I had to put my 18 year old Maine Coon, Cybil, to sleep yesterday. She was suffering kidney failure among other ailments. I don’t know how I will get along without her she was my life, my baby. Cherish every moment you have with Steve, John. They are over way too soon.

  4. 4.

    Drunkenhausfrau

    March 9, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Life is good. Even if news is bad.

  5. 5.

    Gozer

    March 9, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Such a majestic beast!

    I’m sorting through my MP3s…currently getting sidetracked listening to Parliament and Funkadelic. I’m now on Freak of the Week off of Uncle Jam Wants You.

  6. 6.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 10:15 pm

    I saw a bobcat in the wild last year from pretty close up. It was freaky to turn around and see it sauntering behind me.

  7. 7.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 10:16 pm

    @Adrift:

    I’m so sorry. 18 is a ripe old age for a cat, so you must have given her a great life.

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 9, 2018 at 10:22 pm

    I 1️⃣0️⃣0️⃣% ❤️ this post.

  9. 9.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 9, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    Sounds like a freakin Disney movie :)

    @Adrift: oh no, so sorry to hear that. ??‍♂️

  10. 10.

    Adrift

    March 9, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    @Mnemosyne: @Mnemosyne: Thank you. She had a wonderful life. One would think that by the time you reach 50, things like this would be easier to deal with, but I have to say this is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life.

  11. 11.

    Mary G

    March 9, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    @Adrift: It’s so hard.

    Cole, those pictures lowered my blood pressure a good 20 points, so thanks. I am getting off the internet to continue streaming season 2 of Jessica Jones.

  12. 12.

    Villago Delenda Est

    March 9, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    @Adrift: Deepest condolences, Adrift. 18 good years, though! She’s chasing mice in a sunny field now.

  13. 13.

    Tata

    March 9, 2018 at 10:24 pm

    @Adrift: I am an old hand at losing a beloved critter and suffering the heartache. Please know I’m not diminishing yours in any way. Do yourself a favor and adopt a shy shelter cat, one that no one else notices, immediately. In the time it takes you to heal up, your shelter cat will learn to trust you. You think you won’t love again, but that’s not so important as teaching yourself to care for other creatures against your instincts. You will love again.

  14. 14.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 9, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    @Adrift:

    Oh, how sad for you. I am truly sorry. Please take comfort in the knowledge that 18 is a great age for a cat. {{{Hugs}}} and good thoughts.

  15. 15.

    MomSense

    March 9, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    @Adrift:

    I’m so sorry.

  16. 16.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 9, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    @Gozer: Sidetracked? Sounds more lik you got yourself the the right track. Now free your mind. Your ass will follow.

  17. 17.

    Gozer

    March 9, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: This bourbon is helping.

  18. 18.

    rikyrah

    March 9, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    @Adrift:
    So sorry for your loss ??

  19. 19.

    rikyrah

    March 9, 2018 at 10:28 pm

    Steve has you trained, Cole ?

  20. 20.

    Heidi Mom

    March 9, 2018 at 10:29 pm

    @Adrift: So sorry for your loss.

  21. 21.

    Gozer

    March 9, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    @Adrift: That sucks. Dr. Mrs. G and I lasted 3 mos. without a dog after we had to put our Lab down. After 14 years it was her time to go, but still difficult.

  22. 22.

    Brachiator

    March 9, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    @Gozer:

    I’m sorting through my MP3s…currently getting sidetracked listening to Parliament and Funkadelic

    Why must I feel like that,
    Why must I chase the cat?
    Nothing but the dog in me…

  23. 23.

    khead

    March 9, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    @Adrift:

    Very sorry for your loss. 18 years is quite a long time in kitteh years.

  24. 24.

    Brachiator

    March 9, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    @Adrift: So sorry for your loss.

  25. 25.

    Adrift

    March 9, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    @khead: Yes, she had me trained well. After so long I lulled myself into believing that she would live forever.

  26. 26.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    @Gozer:

    I realized the other night that I like whisky (and whiskey), rum, and gin, but I’m not a fan of bourbon.

    Except when they put it in desserts. Best booze for a cake or flaming dessert, hands down.

  27. 27.

    Gozer

    March 9, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    @Brachiator: I wish this was one nation under a groove, but we seem to have been taken over by the Placebo Syndrome!
    https://youtu.be/3WOZwwRH6XU

  28. 28.

    Amir Khalid

    March 9, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    @Adrift:
    It sounds like she had a long and happy life with you. My condolences.

  29. 29.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    G is getting to see Caltech’s robots walking around Pasadena while I’m stuck at home with a looming weather migraine. Feh.

  30. 30.

    Ohio Mom

    March 9, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    I started reading Balloon Juice just before Rosie barged into John’s life. I remember how impossibly difficult she was and the debates about whether or not she should be allowed to stay. There was lots of agonizing about her.

    And now she simply and calmly lies herself down in her doggie bed. It is good to be reminded that things can get better. It is not unreasonable to hope.

  31. 31.

    Gozer

    March 9, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I can’t handle rum for some reason. Bourbon is my go to with scotch (speyside) a close second.

  32. 32.

    TaMara (HFG)

    March 9, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    @Adrift: Nah, I get it. It’s always hard, and too soon, those paw leave such big, big prints on our hearts.

    When you’re ready…find another…it’s never a replacement, just someone to share all that love with…take it from this household, we are a testament to the healing touch of love.

  33. 33.

    satby

    March 9, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    @Adrift: condolences Adrift. 18 is a good long life that you gave Cybil, and at the end you saved her from suffering. I hope you find peace in knowing you gave her a companion animal’s heaven on earth during her life.

  34. 34.

    Adrift

    March 9, 2018 at 10:51 pm

    @satby: Thank you, and everyone, for all the kind words and sentiments. I lurk more than I post, and feel I know many of you just from being here quietly. I also recognize that this is a family full of love for our furry companions, and just needed to share my feelings where I knew I would be understood and not written off as some folks tend to do.

    Edited for spelling errors. Kinda blurry at the moment.

  35. 35.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 9, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Did we all see This Cat Named Dog Works At The Fish Market And People Love Him?

    (content warning: cat in adorable costumes)

  36. 36.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 9, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    @Gozer: Not a Bourbon fan. Scotch? I prefer Macallan as a single and Famous Grouse as a blended. Dark rum is wonderful.

  37. 37.

    Mike in NC

    March 9, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    One of our cats has discovered if he puts a paw on the hurricane blinds in our master bedroom, he’ll open them up to let in the sunlight. The message being: “Get your lazy asses up and feed us!”

  38. 38.

    Gozer

    March 9, 2018 at 11:04 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Mine is Glenmorangie. Woodford for bourbon. Might have another and then some beer. Dr. Mrs. and I gots no place to be for the next week so might as well enjoy slackin’.

  39. 39.

    Feebog

    March 9, 2018 at 11:04 pm

    @Adrift:

    As noted upthread, 18 is a good long kitty life. But I know that does not make it easier. Please consider getting another pet soon, it will help immensely.

  40. 40.

    Hungry Joe

    March 9, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    I have few OCD twitches, but one of them is that I have to say exactly the same things to Alice the Dog and Phoebe the Cat when I put them to bed: “Such a GOOD dog. We’ll see you in the morning” and “Here is your supper. Good night, kitty-cat.” I guess I could try skipping it, or saying something else … but why should I?

  41. 41.

    Aleta

    March 9, 2018 at 11:13 pm

    @Adrift: I’m sorry. My sympathy.

  42. 42.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 9, 2018 at 11:13 pm

    @Gozer: Enjoy.

  43. 43.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 9, 2018 at 11:14 pm

    @Adrift: My condolences.

  44. 44.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 11:21 pm

    Since my weather migraines are bothersome now that the rainy season has finally started, I bought a pair of these ridiculous things. Too early to tell if they’re actually helping.

  45. 45.

    Mike in NC

    March 9, 2018 at 11:22 pm

    @Adrift: Peace and love

  46. 46.

    CaseyL

    March 9, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    @Adrift: I’m so sorry. Having to euthanize a much-loved critter is one of the hardest things we’re ever called upon to do. I would still see them out of the corner of my eye for days afterward, too; or so clearly in my mind’s eye that it seemed I should be able to reach into the memory and pull them out, back into the world and life.

    You gave Cybil an excellent life; I hope that knowledge gives you some comfort.

  47. 47.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 9, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    @Hungry Joe: Ooh, what if you switched them around?

  48. 48.

    Yutsano

    March 9, 2018 at 11:33 pm

    How dare! Proper authoritahs shall be alerted!

    @Adrift: Please accept my wellwishes. Saying good-bye to a loved pet is never easy.

  49. 49.

    efgoldman

    March 9, 2018 at 11:37 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    I bought a pair of these ridiculous things. Too early to tell if they’re actually helping.

    Placebo effect?

  50. 50.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    @efgoldman:

    Placebo effect for pain is underrated.

    I’m not noticing a huge effect, though. I’m not fond of earplugs at the best of times, so that would probably militate against a placebo effect.

  51. 51.

    Amir Khalid

    March 9, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    @Mnemosyne:
    We look forward to your report.

  52. 52.

    efgoldman

    March 9, 2018 at 11:54 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Placebo effect for pain is underrated.

    If skepticism was a religion, I’d be a faithful worshiper.

  53. 53.

    Gretchen

    March 9, 2018 at 11:56 pm

    MSNBC had a show tonight that was mostly about Gary Hart and his failed run for president once it was revealed that he was cheating on his wife. It was presented as a tragedy – this fine young man, who would have been a great president, brought down by changing morality. Like it was a new thing that a married man shouldn’t cheat on his wife and it was unfair to expect it.

  54. 54.

    Mnemosyne

    March 9, 2018 at 11:59 pm

    @Gretchen:

    In a way, it was a change in mores for the press — they would no longer wink and nod when male politiicans had affairs.

    I think I was in high school when that happened. Donna Rice on the Monkey Business.

  55. 55.

    Manyakitty

    March 10, 2018 at 12:01 am

    @Adrift: I’m so sorry to hear this. Peace and love to you.

  56. 56.

    efgoldman

    March 10, 2018 at 12:03 am

    @Gretchen:

    this fine young man, who would have been a great president, brought down by changing morality.

    I don’t know if he would have been a good president, or even a good nominee, but he would have been a better candidate against Poppy Bush/Sanctus Ronaldus’ third term than my old friend Mike Dukakis. Of course, once Lee Atwater got hold of the infidelity, he’d have flogged it to death.

  57. 57.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:03 am

    @Mnemosyne: The ’88 campaign.

    ETA: They said fuck all about Poppy Bush.

  58. 58.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:05 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    So senior year of high achool/first year of community college for me. I remember Bloom County’s parody of the famous photo. ?

  59. 59.

    Ruckus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:07 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    I’ve said this before but daily vitamin B2 and magnesium oxide have cut my migraine numbers down dramatically. Look up the studies, they are encouraging for a lot of sufferers. A prescription is not required but a lot of places don’t carry either so you have to look for it. Here’s one link.

  60. 60.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:09 am

    @Mnemosyne: OCS, Cannon Course, and Airborne School for me. The Opus thing still makes me laugh.

  61. 61.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:09 am

    @Adrift: I’m so sorry. I lost my Maine Coon, Nico, ten years ago now to kidney failure, and I still miss her so much.

  62. 62.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:10 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I realized after the edit window closed that I should have specified Democratic politicians.

    @Ruckus:

    I keep meaning to try that. Is there a particular store where you’ve had luck finding them? And could I do a B complex that includes B2? I’m supposed to be taking B vitamins for my carpal tunnels anyway.

  63. 63.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:12 am

    @Suzanne:

    How’s your family? I saw the news about your Spawn’s decision and I hope all is going reasonably smoothly.

  64. 64.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:14 am

    @Suzanne: Hell, i lost a Cocker Spaniel over 30 years ago, and i still miss him.

  65. 65.

    efgoldman

    March 10, 2018 at 12:15 am

    @Mnemosyne:

    I saw the news about your Spawn’s decision

    Suzanne, what’d I miss?

  66. 66.

    Amir Khalid

    March 10, 2018 at 12:16 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    John Kennedy’s political career wouldn’t have got off the ground had he been a contemporary of Gary Hart, and I guess the same is true of his brothers. But given the Republican bias of American corporate news media, I wonder if they would have been as hard on a Republican man. As Omnes notes, George Herbert Walker Bush got a pass from them in 1988.

  67. 67.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:16 am

    @Mnemosyne: Spawn is doing pretty good! Honestly, I don’t care if he identifies as a fuckin’ chicken fried steak as long as he is happy. Grades were real crappy, but seem to be on the upswing. He has been much more pleasant to be around, in general.

  68. 68.

    Brachiator

    March 10, 2018 at 12:16 am

    @Gretchen:

    MSNBC had a show tonight that was mostly about Gary Hart and his failed run for president once it was revealed that he was cheating on his wife.

    I think that Hart was separated at the time. People I know who claimed to be plugged into Beltway gossip said that the press didn’t particularly like Hart. I also heard something similar from a couple of working reporters. And yeah, the press corps knew who were tomcats, drunks, etc, but Hart had a reputation for “notching his gun,” bragging about his conquests. So when he dared the press to follow him, they happily complied and easily nailed him. Stories and op-ed pieces emphasized his poor judgement and his failed campaign was not seen as a great loss.

    Or maybe I just ran with a cynical crowd. But this is what I recall.

  69. 69.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:17 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: FYWP. I wrote it. Let me capitalize the fucking letter.

  70. 70.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:17 am

    @efgoldman: Spawn the Elder is socially transitioning, using male name and pronouns and clothes.

  71. 71.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:20 am

    @Suzanne:

    Yay! In retrospect, a lot of the pieces are probably falling into place for all of you. I hope he’s able to be happier with himself going forward.

  72. 72.

    efgoldman

    March 10, 2018 at 12:22 am

    @Suzanne:

    Spawn the Elder is socially transitioning

    As you said, as long as s/he is happy.

    ETA: It’s a great thing that spawn feels free enough to discuss it with you.

  73. 73.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:22 am

    @Suzanne: That would explain some of the recent difficulties you have had.

  74. 74.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:25 am

    @Mnemosyne: In general, yes.

    I have to say that I am still skeptical that this identity is going to “stick”, as the kid has been trying on different personas/styles for a couple of years now. And he still wants to go with me to the nail salon and write in swirly script and bake cookies and all these other not-traditionally-male interests. One of the therapists at the IOP said that a lot of kids these days are exploring that, but end up being “just” gay or bi. Whatever. Really don’t care. I just want to see the child be stable over time.

  75. 75.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:30 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: This kid is anxious and has been since a very early age, and ADHD doesn’t help that. Gender issues are yet another factor. Ex-Mr.-Suzanne’s ugly divorce from his other ex-wife was also a huge problem. So it is multi-causal.

  76. 76.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:33 am

    @Suzanne: I am rather happy that I have a nephew and niece. i can borrow them for fun and then give them back when they become annoying.

  77. 77.

    ? ?? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) ? ?

    March 10, 2018 at 12:37 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    Hey, just wanted to say that I wasn’t meaning to be rude in the thread below, I just shot off a comment without much thought and went and did something else for a few hours. Sorry.

  78. 78.

    seaboogie

    March 10, 2018 at 12:37 am

    @Adrift: So sorry for your loss. As I understand it, a Maine Coon is a bit like a cat and a dog all rolled into one magnificent creature.

    You gave Cybil a wonderful life, and I hope this gives you some comfort in the loss of her companionship. I miss my Golden Seamus every dog-gone day (now literally so, six years after his passing). I still get a bit weepy when I talk about him sometimes, and am so deeply grateful for the time that we had together.

  79. 79.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:38 am

    @Suzanne:

    I am NOT AN EXPERT but IMO it’s worth trying, but you probably want to hold off on any irreversible medical steps (like hormone therapy) until he’s absolutely sure. From things I’ve read, there are also people who end up being happy in kind of a middle state without definitively choosing one or the other.

    But if it’s working right now and he’s happier and more comfortable, then it’s worth doing even if things change later on.

  80. 80.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:40 am

    @? ?? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) ? ?:

    It’s okay. I was just like, “Well, that was weird” and ignored it.

  81. 81.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:42 am

    @Mnemosyne: He hasn’t asked for hormones, but has mentioned wanting top surgery in the future. I wouldn’t be OK with it right now just due to this still being new, but if it seems to persist, then I’ll consider it.

    @Omnes Omnibus: There are many days I wish I didn’t have kids. I had many of them last year.

  82. 82.

    Aleta

    March 10, 2018 at 12:43 am

    Sorry if posted already….
    Jack Russell (Ollie) competing at Crufts

  83. 83.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:44 am

    @Suzanne:

    Also, weird thought — have you read Alison Bechdel’s graphic novel Fun Home or seen the play? She has some interesting stuff in there about gender display between herself as a lesbian and her (secretly) gay father. The play is amazing and slightly different in its effect since it’s a musical (!)

    You’ll probably want to read it before you leave it laying around for the Spawn since there’s some adult content, like her father’s probable suicide and her own sex life.

  84. 84.

    khead

    March 10, 2018 at 12:48 am

    I do hope Cole is not being attacked by a rabid bobcat from southwest VA.

  85. 85.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:48 am

    @Mnemosyne: Neither you nor i have kids. We should probably steer clear of offering parental advice. YMMV.

  86. 86.

    kattails

    March 10, 2018 at 12:49 am

    @Adrift: So deeply sorry for your pain at the loss of your Cybil. It’s obvious that you loved her deeply and it’s certain that your choice was the best it could be. I’ve had such strong links with some of my feline companions that it’s made me accept a belief in the transmigration of souls. It’s a rainbow bridge, not a wall, she’s still there for you.
    Give yourself whatever time you need; cat allies tend to find us when we are ready.
    Love and hugs

  87. 87.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:51 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    More of a book recommendation, and I did say that Suzanne should read it for herself and then decide if it’s appropriate.

    If nothing else, it’s a very good, award-winning book.

  88. 88.

    Omnes Omnibus

    March 10, 2018 at 12:57 am

    @Mnemosyne: i stay further from these things than others do. Not a judgment, just a comment.

  89. 89.

    kattails

    March 10, 2018 at 1:01 am

    @Mnemosyne: in “placebo effect” the operative word is “effect”. Whatever works, says this older person. Migraines suck, mercifully I’m not prone but have seen them in action. Hope you find real relief.

  90. 90.

    Millard Filmore

    March 10, 2018 at 1:02 am

    @Major Major Major Major: Did you say cat named Dog?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPZVrmJ2HH8
    Norma Tanega “Walkin’ My Cat Named Dog”

  91. 91.

    Aleta

    March 10, 2018 at 1:05 am

    US News n Report

    U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson canceled scheduled events on Saturday on the second day of a visit to Kenya because “he is not feeling well”, a State Department spokesman said.

    “The secretary is not feeling well after a long couple days working on major issues back home such as North Korea and has canceled his events for the day,”

    Whiplash?
    Lacks stamina?

  92. 92.

    Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ

    March 10, 2018 at 1:06 am

    @Suzanne: I feel your pain. My elder spawn is going through something similar. She to he at school but not with family (I accept it but Father’s family only partially supportive). I suspect she will end up asexual and gender fluid–not that I care either way. I only want her to be healthy and stable. Right now we are struggling to get her depression and anxiety under control. School is suffering and it’s very hard to balance being understanding about her illness but also pushing her to try harder.

  93. 93.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 1:08 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Fair enough. I am trying to be better about making it clear that I am not an expert by any means, and anything I say should be checked with a professional.

    @kattails:

    I can’t say the earplugs did a whole lot to help, but I don’t think they did any harm. I had to take them out because they were annoying me, though.

  94. 94.

    Mary G

    March 10, 2018 at 1:10 am

    @Suzanne: I also somehow missed this news. Glad to hear that Spawn is more comfortable in his own skin now, and you see a bit less stressed, too.

  95. 95.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    March 10, 2018 at 1:11 am

    @Adrift:

    So sorry to hear that. My condolences.

  96. 96.

    Mary G

    March 10, 2018 at 1:16 am

    @Steeplejack (phone): Steep, was it you that linked to some no-knead bread videos a while back? I have a craving for homemade bread, and I watched them, but failed to bookmark, and there are so many out there.

  97. 97.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 1:19 am

    @Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ:

    I have ADHD that was finally diagnosed when I was in my 40s, and a lesson I keep trying to learn is that when I have a whole list of tasks to do, I have to start with the easiest one on the list and then work upwards to the harder and/or more complicated ones.

    This has been a difficult lesson for me to try and learn because it’s the exact opposite of what the usual advice is, but it seems to work for me.

    Today’s example: I had a bunch of appointments I needed to make that I kept putting off. So this afternoon, I said, “Fuck it, I’m going to make the oil change appointment” because I could do it online and not have to talk to an actual person. And that was so easy that I called and made the eye appointment I’d been putting off, then the med check appointment with my psychiatrist, then the orthopedist appointment I don’t want to do because I probably have to have ACL surgery.

    Every organizing expert in the world tells me I should have done the hardest one first, but I literally can’t. It’s so anxiety-provoking that it causes a total block. But doing the easy one first actually worked.

    Okay, that was long, but I’m weirdly proud of myself for getting my list done today by doing the easiest thing first. ?

  98. 98.

    Jay

    March 10, 2018 at 1:20 am

    @Aleta:

    Giving up hope?

  99. 99.

    Jay

    March 10, 2018 at 1:26 am

    BTW, fetch isn’t for beginners,

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7O9QOiAX7sE

  100. 100.

    Major Major Major Major

    March 10, 2018 at 1:26 am

    @Suzanne: You can count me as another news-misser. Glad to hear he’s doing better.

    Just FYI, there does seem to be a bit of social contagion going on with that right now, so it makes sense to wait until one is certain before doing anything irreversible (as Mnem said).

  101. 101.

    Pete Downunder

    March 10, 2018 at 1:27 am

    Saw Fun Home on Broadway a few years ago. They tried to make it a musical which IMHO failed. Excellent performances though. Not sure I’d recommend it as a night out at the theatre but interesting as social commentary.

  102. 102.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    March 10, 2018 at 1:27 am

    @Mnemosyne:

    Every organizing expert in the world tells me I should have done the hardest one first

    That’s because they’re extroverts, assholes.

  103. 103.

    Ruckus

    March 10, 2018 at 1:37 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    I have found B2 at Amazon and on ebay. Otherwise I get it through the VA. It’s only slightly cheaper on line than the VA so it’s not really an issue that way. And no, even if a B complex has B2 you have to take a lot more than it would have. The dosage I take and that is what the studies show as normal is 200mg in the morning and 200mg in the evening. The brand I’ve found easiest is Nature’s Blend and that’s also what the VA dispenses. The magnesium oxide is 400mg once a day. There are different magnesium compounds available, read the link I posted as it explains it best. Most of the studies I’ve seen used the magnesium oxide as it is reasonably available and doesn’t seem to cause intestinal distress like some of the other compounding.
    Once again it doesn’t work for every one or stop all migraines, I still get them but far, far fewer than I was a year ago. Then I was getting on average 5 or 6 per month, now I’m down to between none to 2 a month. And I get them for a seemingly variety of reasons as well, weather is one, I found that it’s the change in barometric pressure and humidity that causes those. But there are other causes not all of which are apparent.

  104. 104.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 1:45 am

    @Pete Downunder:

    I couldn’t disagree more. When we saw it last year, it was magical and sad at the same time. I was crying so hard at the end that we were the last ones to leave the theater.

    But it’s very much about fathers and daughters and how difficult that relationship can be, so maybe it just didn’t hit you the way it did me?

  105. 105.

    Ruckus

    March 10, 2018 at 1:59 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    I know a lady something like that. She looks, acts and talks like a lady, I’ve been told she’s not gay, but the thought of having sex with a man is totally revolting to her. We are, all of us, on any given day, a mass of differing emotions and feelings. We try to fit into the patterns we were taught as kids for the gender we have the equipment for, but that doesn’t always match the inside feelings. Sometimes in any which way. It makes me feel much better as a human that many more people over the last few decades have become much more tolerant of whatever someone wants to consider themselves. I’ve known gay people, my sister for one after she came out, for almost my entire life and never could understand what the problem is with any of this. Why the hell do we have to fit into these prescribed niches that keep us from being who we feel we are?
    @Suzanne:
    I hope that spawn works out the issues. It can not be easy to change, especially in the face of opposition from different directions, some well intentioned and some not so much. I applaud you for just wanting a healthy child, no matter what the outcome of his/her decisions and that you recognize that they are his/her decisions. Good luck with all of this, every day.

  106. 106.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 2:00 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    The moment (and song) I keep thinking of from Fun Home is “Ring of Keys,” where Small Alison sees a butch deliverywoman and realizes that a world exists outside her small town where she won’t have to meet society’s (or her father’s) expectations for being “feminine.”

  107. 107.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 2:02 am

    @Ruckus:

    I’ll look for those on Amazon — thanks!

  108. 108.

    Ruckus

    March 10, 2018 at 2:13 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    With my physical issues (and age) comes a startling discovery, my unflappable self confidence is easily flappable. The other day at work I was making some very delicate graphite parts and they came out not nearly good enough. I told my boss, we discussed the work and he helped me get going. I was standing there and realized that I have very little idea if I can now accomplish anything, like making stuff like I’ve done a thousand times before or walking along or going up or down stairs without falling. I can do them but now I have to watch every step to make sure I physically accomplish what I think I’m doing. It’s fucking tiring, having to work hard at life.

  109. 109.

    Ruckus

    March 10, 2018 at 2:17 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:
    I wonder if they think normal things are or should be easy for everyone. It is amazing how much different we are in how we accomplish some of the everyday things in life. We have to find ways just to start off the day, let alone have a middle and an end to it.

  110. 110.

    Ruckus

    March 10, 2018 at 2:24 am

    @Mnemosyne:
    As I said, google and find the studies. If you are on meds I’d clarify with my docs that it’s OK first. Neither are issues alone but in combo with something else……. I now take 8 different drugs a day, including those 2 and all of them have been prescribed by VA docs and checked by the VA pharmacy, but even so I look up every med and check it against the others. At some point there are never enough checks against the wrong med. If they put me on the meds I’m expecting them to for the latest fun time, that’s another entire level and process all over again. At least I’m still not afraid to ask questions and demand answers.

  111. 111.

    scav

    March 10, 2018 at 2:41 am

    @Mary G: I’m clearly not Steep, but here’s a no-knead bread recipe I’m very fond of: Cook’s Illustrated Almost No Knead Bread

  112. 112.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    March 10, 2018 at 3:26 am

    @Ruckus:

    I wonder if they think normal things are or should be easy for everyone.

    Yup, they do and it’s not.

  113. 113.

    ixnay

    March 10, 2018 at 5:58 am

    @Adrift: it is never easy. As someone who has given the good death countless times, and turned to my husband and wept on his shoulder, and not even for our own fur baby: never easy. Just the right thing to do. Peace on you.

  114. 114.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    March 10, 2018 at 6:05 am

    @Mary G:

    Steve is the man: No-Knead Bread 101. He has other good videos on YouTube and an excellent website here.

  115. 115.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    March 10, 2018 at 6:26 am

    @Mnemosyne:

    An excellent book that I have found enormously useful is David Allen’s Getting Things Done. He is very insightful on the “do the easy things” approach—and on breaking things down so that they become easy easier.

  116. 116.

    WereBear

    March 10, 2018 at 6:54 am

    @Tata: I <3 this comment so much! Do rescue again!

  117. 117.

    satby

    March 10, 2018 at 7:12 am

    @Steeplejack (phone): I have a bread machine, but that guy is wonderful! Thanks Steep, I think I will make some bread tomorrow.

  118. 118.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    March 10, 2018 at 7:30 am

    @satby:

    He is great. I recommended that video to a friend who is a terrible baker because she is a great improvisational cook—recipes? bah!—and now I get one or two pictures a week of bread loaves that she is turning out.

  119. 119.

    Suzanne

    March 10, 2018 at 9:32 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    there does seem to be a bit of social contagion going on with that right now

    Tell me about it. Every single one of his friends identifies somewhere as gay, a-gender, genderfluid, pansexual, whatever. Not that I care, but it is statistically improbable, to say the least. It’s almost like it isn’t okay or cool or “deep” if someone’s just cisgender and straight.

    I really think that teenagers feel weird, as teenagers do, and because it is more socially acceptable to explore gender, more kids are doing so. Again, it doesn’t bother me, but I would need to see more stability over time before consenting to anything permanent.

  120. 120.

    Elizabelle

    March 10, 2018 at 10:41 am

    @Adrift: My sympathies. Your cat had a very good life with you. All my best.

    @Suzanne: Good to hear life is a bit better for Spawn the Elder. Wishing him (and you) the best, too.

  121. 121.

    No One You Know

    March 10, 2018 at 11:59 am

    @CaseyL: I had to euthanize…I thought I had to…an 18-year old cat.

    For two weeks both the spousal unit and I heard her, and I saw her in the back seat of the car, and walking between my legs. I wondered if euthanizing was the best decision for her. I was apologising to the cat that wasn’t there.

    Not sure if I could do it again.

  122. 122.

    Mnemosyne

    March 10, 2018 at 12:03 pm

    @Suzanne:

    You may not see this, but I had a totally random thought as I was falling asleep last night:

    I’ve always had big boobs, and I started getting them early on (around 5th grade). And as I’m pretty sure you know from personal experience, I had to deal with pretty scarring amounts of attention about them from boys my own age and older and even from creepy adult men.

    But I was at least straight. If I had been young and queer, having all of that attention paid to my boobs by the opposite sex would have been horrifying. And if it was socially allowed, being a boy for at least a while would seem a hell of a lot safer, because it would cut that attention off at the root.

    Again, not an expert, just thinking about my own past and personal experiences in the hope that they can help you and your Spawn.

  123. 123.

    VOR

    March 10, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: St. Reagan was the first divorced President. Now we have a President who is the epitome of unfaithful – affairs with porn stars, talking about his public affairs on Howard Stern, and two divorces. And the Moral Majority responds by saying he is an instrument of God.

  124. 124.

    Sister Golden Bear

    March 10, 2018 at 6:15 pm

    @Suzanne: Late to a dead thread, but in case you see this…

    I can’t remember how old Spawn is — and I suspect he’s too old for this — but puberty blocking drugs might be something to consider if he asks to start hormones. They basically put things into a holding pattern, so there’s no permanent long-term effects.

    Whereas testosterone definitely does have permanent effects that persist even if you stop taking it. Specifically, once the voice drops and eyebrow ridges develop, that can’t be undone. Not sure about facial hair, but I can tell you from personal experience that removing it is a huge hassle (and painful).

    I agree kids these days are experimenting with gender in ways i never could when I was Spawn’s age, so he could end up identifying differently, although hopefully happy in his own skin. That said, there’s also more gender role flexibility among the youngs, so that may be one reason he’s still interested in “girly” things. Especially if he’s attracted to boys, he may be developing the identity of a femmy gay man — would wouldn’t be the first trans guy I’ve know who identified that way.

    As Mnemonsyne mentioned, developing boobs can be really horrifying if he’s identifying as a man, according to my trans men friends. (I had equivalent feeling about some of the masculinizibg changes.) But I also know a number gender queer-identifying people as well who really hate having breasts, since they’re a strong gende marker. Obviously, it’s appropriate to wait on top surgery for the moment, but he may need some extra care and sympathy in this point.

  125. 125.

    Jim

    March 11, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    And you once thought that being a tanker was the be all and end all. Now you know what the good life is.

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