Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

I also would like a pony to improve my balloon juice experience.

You’re just a puppy masquerading as an old coot.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

In after Baud. Damn.

The gop couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

ha ha ha! Nice try weird people.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

In my day, never was longer.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Everybody saw this coming.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about it’s history.”

Russia bombs Ukraine’s maternity hospitals; Republicans in the House can’t sort out supporting Ukraine.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

Let’s show the world that autocracy can be defeated.

You are here: Home / Politics / Trumpery / Dolt 45 / Respite Open Thread: Trump {Hearts} the 80s

Respite Open Thread: Trump {Hearts} the 80s

by | 120 Comments

This post is in: , , , , , ,

On the Road is a weekday feature spotlighting reader photo submissions.

From the exotic to the familiar, whether you’re traveling or in your own backyard, we would love to see the world through your eyes.

Submit Your Photos

That low, dishonest decade. Back when his memory and his dick both worked without so much chemical assistance — or at least that’s how the old man remembers it, now…

This rally is, of course, being touted by the usual Horse Race media hacks as “the start of the 2020 campaign.” Because Donny Dollhands isn’t the only one who prefers cheap nostalgia to real work!

(Spoiler for the Youngs, or anyone else who doesn’t remember that far back: Reagan’s people didn’t care about “the drug problem”, either. It just gave them a handy distraction from things like their Iran-Contra criminality.)

To be fair, telling New Hampsters that all bad things come from Massachusetts is *always* a popular political go-to, because New Hampshire residents secretly resent their parasitic relationship with our Commonwealth…


And I’m looking to lose some serious weight, but not if it involves changing my diet or exercising. Or even surgery. I’m just looking, okay?

Right after Meredith McGyver does an all-networks presentation of Trump’s tax returns.

Reader Interactions

120Comments

  2. 2.

    debbie

    Schooley’s right. That sniffling was too much. If Trump wasn’t coked up, I don’t know what being coked up is.

  3. 3.

    Mike J

    Reagan’s people didn’t care about “the drug problem”, either. It just gave them a handy distraction from things like their Iran-Contra criminality

    way to put more black people in for profit prisons.

  4. 4.

    debbie

    Gah! I just saw that thing about running ads. If it didn’t work in the 1960s (and it didn’t), it sure won’t today. More wasted money and effort.

  5. 5.

    cosima

    Apart from the famous ‘this is your brain on drugs’ I vividly recall the one where the boy tells his dad ‘I learned it from you!’ I asked Mr C the other day, when he was talking about death penalty for the drug dealers ‘do you think he thinks opium and opiods are the same thing?’ because the death penalty for the drug dealers involved = pharma execs and physicians that over-prescribe or are complicit as much as a the stereotypical drug dealer that comes to mind for most.

  6. 6.

    TenguPhule

    “And we’ll make them very, very bad commercials…unsavoury situations.”

    “Kids, if you do drugs we’ll have nothing on but Stormy & Trump making out like rabid weasels, all day, every day!”

  8. 8.

    TenguPhule

    @cosima:

    asked Mr C the other day, when he was talking about death penalty for the drug dealers ‘do you think he thinks opium and opiods are the same thing?’ because the death penalty for the drug dealers involved = pharma execs and physicians that over-prescribe or are complicit as much as a the stereotypical drug dealer that comes to mind for most.

    It was Trump code for “Go kill some colored folks on the streets, LEO, wink wink”

  11. 11.

    TenguPhule

    @Baud:

    I don’t think Trump uses codes or winks when he says that.

    He’s reading from the teleprompters.

  12. 12.

    dexwood

    Commercial opens with a tight shot of Trump – “Kids, if you do drugs, your hair will look like this some day”.

  19. 19.

    Gin & Tonic

    I’m just consistently amazed that in his worldview, the last 35-40 years just never happened. Except for that damn n***er being President. I mean, D.A.R.E. was a joke when my kids were in school. The youngest of them is 31 now.

  21. 21.

    cosima

    @TenguPhule: That makes sense. And yet it doesn’t rule out him thinking opiods = opium, with visions of Chinese opium dens, clouds of smoke, bodies laying on the floor, etc., in his pea brain.

  24. 24.

    lollipopguild

    So a president who might currently be a coke addict wants to wage a war on drugs?

  25. 25.

    TenguPhule

    But look on the bright side, Balloonjuice could soon be full of Trump’s message about Drugs.

  31. 31.

    jl

    @Baud: ” This is your country on drugs. ”

    This is your brain on Trump.

    Edit: It’s been proven that flat skunky beer is a very safe drug. Baudists believe in a science-based drug policy.

  33. 33.

    lollipopguild

    @oatler.: Trump and a lot of racist whites will be happy to blame people of color for the drug problem while ignoring all of the white addicts.

  35. 35.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    When Len Bias, the first round draft pick for the Boston Celtics died, two days after being drafted. Reagan green lighted the War on Dru(oops) I mean Black People. Also it was the era of Mandatory Minimums, which are still in force or coming back

  39. 39.

    hellslittlestangel

    A remake of Reefer Madness, in color with up-to-date production values, could really reach a lot of young people. Crazed dancing pop-eyed Negros is a truly timeless message for America. I think David Zucker might be free for a new project.

  40. 40.

    rikyrah

    Technically I didn’t sleep with the POTUS 12 years ago. There was no sleeping (hehe) and he was just a goofy reality TV star. But I digress…People DO care that he lied about it, had me bullied, broke laws to cover it up, etc. And PS…I am NOT going anywhere. xoxoxo https://t.co/Js9sEnanIk

    — Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) March 20, 2018

  43. 43.

    ? ?? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) ? ?

    Also, I highly recommend the Nostalgia Critic’s review of “Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue”. It’s hilarious.

  45. 45.

    FlyingToaster (Tablet)

    I hate to break it to the President*, but kids don’t really watch TV any longer, so they won’t be seeing those commercials, except on YouTube where they’ll watch only to mock.

    These people really are disconnected from reality.

  49. 49.

    dmsilev

    @FlyingToaster (Tablet): They probably don’t really care one way or the other whether TV commercials would do anything.

    Except, of course, as an opportunity to funnel government money to “deserving” individuals.

  51. 51.

    Schlemazel

    Just say NOW to drugs
    Just say NO2 to drugs

    Yeah, the 80’s were . . . interesting for making fun of the stupid fail of Nancy’s program

  54. 54.

    Roger Moore

    @Gin & Tonic:

    I’m just consistently amazed that in his worldview, the last 35-40 years just never happened.

    It’s not so much that the time never happened as that he hasn’t learned from anything that happened during that time span. So he remembers and can answer questions about events that happened in, say 1999, but none of that has changed the way he understands or thinks about the world. It’s a classic problem for conservatives; they made up their mind about everything when they were 25, and they aren’t going to change it for anything as stupid as new facts and evidence.

  55. 55.

    Mary G

    He’s all the way off the leash:

    Trump ignored warnings from his national security advisers when he congratulated Putin, including a section in his briefing materials in all-capital letters stating "DO NOT CONGRATULATE." https://t.co/vEcwhGeEMQ— Washington Post (@washingtonpost) March 20, 2018

  56. 56.

    B.B.A.

    Billionaire/Commerce Secretary/deficit scold Pete Peterson died today. In lieu of flowers, his family wants us to abolish Social Security and eat cat food for the rest of our lives.

  58. 58.

    cosima

    @Major Major Major Major: We do too — crying/sobbing voice ‘I learned it from you, alright?!’ when the other asks why we did something that they don’t consider the right thing… Sadly, that did not keep me from doing drugs back in the day, nor did the egg-frying ‘this is your brain on drugs.’ And I cannot remember any other just say no TV commercials, probably because I was watching MTV 24/7 while high (when not in school!), and thereby able to avoid them. Who watched TV with commercials when there was cable & MTV to be watched?

  59. 59.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    TeeVee…. whatever the question, the answer is the TeeVee… teacher, mother, secret lover….

    also, too

    Washington Post @ washingtonpost
    Exclusive: Trump’s national security advisers warned him not to congratulate Putin. He did it anyway.

    Putin… teacher, father, secret lover…. or at least creditor. Maybe pimp

  61. 61.

    Jeffro

    @Mary G: I saw that…unbelievable. A president* has to be told not. to. congratulate. a murdering dictator for winning a fake election…AND THEN HE EVEN IGNORES THE ADVICE!!

    No wonder we haven’t taken him out yet, it’s too hard to decide if he’s more stupid or reckless.

  62. 62.

    Jeffro

    I still think that he’s popping pseudoephedrine, especially before big public speeches. That’s what’s causing the sniffling.

    Also, is it just me or did he seem especially orange in pics from today?

  63. 63.

    Roger Moore

    @Mary G:
    It’s obviously far more important to Trump that he remain on good terms with Putin than that he remain on good terms with the national security apparatus of the USA. The conclusions are obvious.

  64. 64.

    lamh36

    @lamh36: I’ve watched the trailer like 4x now, and each and every time, I got misty-eyed! I see the images, and I hear his voice and I swear I think about being a kid with NO CABLE just PBS and local stations…and watching Mr Rogers’ Neighborhood!

  65. 65.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Jeffro: as with Tweety, you can always tell when he’s been to see his colorist. Every once in a while, I notice that his eyebrows are such a bright, glaring yellow you wonder for a minute if it’s the lighting

  66. 66.

    Amir Khalid

    I don’t think any country that made drug trafficking a capital crime, mine included, has ever published statistics showing that executing peope in the drugs trade is an effective deterrent. Trump doesn’t care whether executing drug dealers would work or not. Aside from distracting Americans from whatever crap he and his people are pulling, he probably just wants to see federal agents shooting suspected drug dealers (preferably of colour) in the street and take credit for it — you know, the way that Duterte guy in the Philippines does it.

  67. 67.

    Jeffro

    @Amir Khalid: You know what’s funny? I bet 9 out of 10 drug dealers favor executing convicted drug dealers. It thins out the competition and increases the allure.

    Make Drug Use Boring Again For The First Time

  70. 70.

    Jeffro

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: I don’t even normally pay attention to it but today I was like GOT. DAMN. that man is orange.

    How do you work with someone like that and not laugh every time you look at him? It’s like having spinach stuck in your teeth, only the spinach is neon orange and it’s all over his face.

  71. 71.

    Amir Khalid

    @Mary G:
    It’s the sort of thing Trump does because he was told not to do it. Where do his staff get off, anyway, telling him The President not to do things? They are not the boss of him!

  74. 74.

    Mary G

    SCOOP: I'm hearing from a top HUD official that HUD's Chief Information Officer, Johnson Joy, has been escorted out of the building by the FBI for having false credentials. Can anyone corroborate? @cnn @MSNBC @maddow— Holly Figueroa O'Reilly (@AynRandPaulRyan) March 20, 2018

    More of our amazing government at work!

  75. 75.

    Sm*t Cl*de

    @debbie:

    Gah! I just saw that thing about running ads. If it didn’t work in the 1960s (and it didn’t), it sure won’t today.

    This time it will be different; they’ll hire Cambridge Analytica and do it all with viral tweets.

  76. 76.

    Mary G

    @Amir Khalid: Jokes are flying fast and furious on Twitter along those lines. Suggestion for next note: DO NOT RESIGN FROM OFFICE!

    ETA: on a more serious note, he didn’t utter a peep about the poisonings in England, either. What a useless wanker he is.

  77. 77.

    dmsilev

    @Mary G: Also, the Post story is sourced to “according to officials familiar with the call.”. Really really wondering who decided to leak this to the Post. Intelligence agency person one assumes, rather than a White House Trump crony.

  81. 81.

    ? ?? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) ? ?

    @Amir Khalid:
    It really is pathetic that he has to be told not to congratulate an enemy of the United States, which he is supposed to protect and is a citizen of.

  84. 84.

    Aleta

    Next come the announcements for Welcome to Our War on Drugs. No education services or rehab for Medicare, Medicaid. OK if insurance cos deny and define drug-related inpatient/outpatient services and prescriptions. OK if employers and landlords discriminate against people they claim to suspect. Cuts to eliminate programs and research.

    Basically a corporate form of the discrimination by ‘suspicion’ and murder already practiced by police.

  86. 86.

    Roger Moore

    @Starfish:

    His following reads “drug dealer” as “black people.”

    I didn’t think they’d execute MY drug dealer!

  88. 88.

    Mary G

    @chris: It’s a sad day in America when we have to rely on British news organizations to expose corruption here because our reporters can’t be bothered to investigate anything or lose their access to the people they cover.

  89. 89.

    danielx

    @Baud:

    and praise jeebus, says i, if the country wasn’t on drugs it would be totally insufferable instead of just mostly insufferable.

  90. 90.

    MomSense

    @lamh36:
    I even had his albums. I especially loved the speedy delivery videos of things like making crayons at the crayon factory.

  91. 91.

    Patricia Kayden

    @Baud: Not the entire country. Many of us are sober as hell and are trying to keep up with all this mess.

  92. 92.

    Mnemosyne

    @lamh36:

    I know someone who had a random encounter with him IRL and he was just as nice and kind and patient as he was on TV. ?

  94. 94.

    danielx

    The background art for Schooley’s tweet reminded me ever so much of the artwork for one of TBogg’s greatest hits. One which is still relevant, possibly more relevant now that it was lo those many years ago…

    Your Mumia sweatshirt won’t get you into heaven anymore

    A comment left over at digg regarding Ralph Nader:

    The Democrats really hate Nader because he points out the fact that they are asking those of us on the left to vote for them but they aren’t doing anything for us. Did they end funding for the Republican’s crime spree in Iraq? No. Have they moved for UHC? No. Have they tried to stop corporate crimes? No. Have they tried to reform the tax code to be progressive? No. Have they tried to protect homeowners from predatory lenders? No. Have they defended our constitutional rights? No. Take back the FDA from the corporations? No. The FCC? No.
    The Democrats don’t deserve my vote. They aren’t helping the left, why should the left help them?

    Let me see if I can explain it this way:

    Every year in Happy Gumdrop Fairy-Tale Land all of the sprites and elves and woodland creatures gather together to pick the Rainbow Sunshine Queen. Everyone is there: the Lollipop Guild, the Star-Twinkle Toddlers, the Sparkly Unicorns, the Cookie Baking Apple-cheeked Grandmothers, the Fluffy Bunny Bund, the Rumbly-Tumbly Pupperoos, the Snowflake Princesses, the Baby Duckies All-In-A-Row, the Laughing Babies, and the Dykes on Bikes. They have a big picnic with cupcakes and gumdrops and pudding pops, stopping only to cast their votes by throwing Magic Wishing Rocks into the Well of Laughter, Comity, and Good Intentions. Afterward they spend the rest of the night dancing and singing and waving glow sticks until dawn when they tumble sleepy-eyed into beds made of the purest and whitest goose down where they dream of angels and clouds of spun sugar.

    You don’t live there.

    Grow the fuck up.

  95. 95.

    Roger Moore

    @danielx:

    if the country wasn’t on drugs it would be totally insufferable instead of just mostly insufferable.

    If we weren’t doped up to our eyeballs, maybe we wouldn’t elect such awful politicians.

  97. 97.

    SFAW

    @B.B.A.:

    Billionaire/Commerce Secretary/deficit scold Pete Peterson died today.

    Well, that’s some good news. May he burn in Hell.

  98. 98.

    danielx

    @Roger Moore:

    Well, they need to be the right kind of drugs. I have found it interesting that many of the most conservative counties in the country are those with some of the highest addiction/overdose rates. (h/t Kay). County immediately northwest of where I live is, as she phrased it in regard to her area, conservative from school boards to mayors, and it’s crawling with meth heads and junkies.

  100. 100.

    SFAW

    @danielx:

    It may not be the all-time greatest blog post, but it’s pretty fucking close. One of my favorites, ever, ever, ever.

  101. 101.

    SFAW

    @Corner Stone:

    The only bad news there is that it took 91 years.

    I was trying to be upbeat about it, ya know. Thanks for harshing my mellow, or whatever phrase “those kids” use these days.

  104. 104.

    Gelfling 545

    you know, I taught kids who had seen horrors from a parent or relative’s addiction. Didn’t stop some of them from using themselves. I don’t think cartoons will do the job. Maybe a life you don’t feel you have to escape from, maybe effective treatment for mental illnesses, could help, Cartoons, not so much.

  105. 105.

    TenguPhule

    @ruemara:

    How have his internal organs avoided the damage of his obvious drug abuse?

    How do we know those are his original human organs?

  106. 106.

    TenguPhule

    @B.B.A.:

    Billionaire/Commerce Secretary/deficit scold Pete Peterson died today. In lieu of flowers, his family wants us to abolish Social Security and eat cat food for the rest of our lives.

    How about we abolish his family and feed them to the cats instead?

  107. 107.

    kattails

    @B.B.A.: But–but– I have three cats, and pretty sure it’s costing more to feed them than me (if I don’t count my wine budget).

  108. 108.

    GregB

    Hearing the braying jackasses when Donnie Two Scoops called for the death penalty reminded me of when Ron Paul said he’d let people who are uninsured die during a debate and the same self satisfied roar rose up from the mob.

    They are a deplorable lot.

  110. 110.

    Ruckus

    @Patricia Kayden:

    trying to keep up with this mess

    No kidding. I very long ago stopped any drug use other than prescribed drugs that won’t get me high and stopped drinking a fair number of years ago. Life seems to me to be harder when you aren’t sober. Not necessarily more interesting or fun but it is easier straight. And cheaper too.

  111. 111.

    Ruckus

    @danielx:
    And Roger Moore.
    The only hard core trumper that I know IRL is an ex meth addict that I work with. He is also a fucking asshole, but that went without saying. I talk to him only when I have to for work, which fortunately is not often. Otherwise he gets the most I can do at work, the very cold shoulder.

  112. 112.

    Ruckus

    @Gelfling 545:
    This.
    There is a reason so many of the areas that are hardest hit with drug abuse are very red, poor areas. Life there mostly sucks, especially for people with limited skills and who can’t conceive of moving anywhere else. For a lot of them schooling was almost a waste of time, they knew their lives would be dead end and they’ve tried very hard to prove they were right about that all along.

  113. 113.

    Mike G

    Trump telling people in New Hampshire that the source of the opioid epidemic are cities and immigrants. Real subtle stuff.

    It’s the same old Republican game — pretending to care about drugs as an excuse to ramp up fear and hate against immigrants and minorities and fill up prisons for profit.

  114. 114.

    Honus

    @Mnemosyne: my son (with the help of his mother) wrote Fred Rogers a letter when he was four. Mr. Rogers responded with two personal letters, one to my son and one to his mother. We still have them. The man was a giant.

    Also, I think he and Andy Warhol grew up in the same neighborhood in Pittsburgh.

  117. 117.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @TenguPhule:

    How about we abolish his family and feed them to the cats instead?

    His widow is Joan Ganz Cooney, the creator of Sesame Street.

  118. 118.

    Tehanu

    @Roger Moore:
    Well, since Dump is well known for stiffing his suppliers and contractors, I’m sure he’d be perfectly happy to execute any drug dealer who ever sold him coke. Frankly, in that scenario, it’s the dealer whose side I’d be on.

Comments are closed.