Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

They want us to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Focus. Resist. Oppose.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

Cancel the cowardly Times and Post and set up an equivalent monthly donation to ProPublica.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

Let’s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

In my day, never was longer.

Republicans do not trust women.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

Nothing worth doing is easy.

One of our two political parties is a cult whose leader admires Vladimir Putin.

Republicans cannot even be trusted with their own money.

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

T R E 4 5 O N

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Dog Blogging / Happy Easter

Happy Easter

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Irie, the bestest dog ever, in my favorite Easter tradition.

One of my favorite Irie stories of all time is sometime in 2004-2005, when he was deep in his decline, and sort of blind and kind of deaf and his coat had gone to hell and his legs were feeble, my sister went out of town one weekend and left him with me to dogsit. As usual, she forgot to bring his leash. I was only 34 and still a wild man, so I went out that night and got rip-roaring drunk, and the next morning, Irie woke me up letting me know he had to go to the bathroom.

I was hungover/still drunk, and planned to go right back to bed, so I just put on flipflops and a tattered bathrobe. Having no dog of my own, the only “leash” I could find was a 30′ orange extension cord. So I looped that around his neck, and then proceeded to walk the gimpy dog around the block. Me with my hair standing straight up wearing sunglasses, a bathrobe, and flip flops, and my decrepit gimpy dog with an extension cord tied around his neck, with all the church goers slowing down their cars as they passed us to figure out just what the hell was going on.

Good times.

Reader Interactions

94Comments

  1. 1.

    Baud

    with all the church goers slowing down their cars as they passed us to figure out just what the hell was going on. that they were definitely in West Virginia.

    Fixed. Happy Easter.

  3. 3.

    DonL140

    Never sure where you’re going, but I know you’re going to pay off when you get there. Good story.

  4. 4.

    OzarkHillbilly

    with all the church goers slowing down their cars as they passed us to figure out just exactly why it was they went to church to begin with.

    “Hurry up Mabel, I might die before we get there and come back like that!”

  6. 6.

    bemused

    Damn shame there are no photos…that you know of. Maybe Betty Cracker or some BJer can draw a facsimile.

  7. 7.

    Anotherlurker

    Great story!
    I want to remind people that today, we are celebrating the event of the resurection of our lord. How he was crucified and died on a Friday.
    How he rose again, on the Sunday!
    Saw his shadow!
    6 more weeks of winter!!??
    Wait…..

  11. 11.

    Schlemazel

    That poor googie looks like he is instantly regretting every rabbit he has ever chased!

  14. 14.

    No Drought No More

    On Easter Sunday when I was 18, a friend and I sat in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park drinking Boone’s Farm Apple Wine, and watching families in their Sunday best out and about in the park after church services. In all my long life, I’ve rarely felt any seedier than I did that day. My friend felt the same way, and we shared a good laugh about it, too.

  16. 16.

    O. Felix Culpa

    Chortlesnort. I was trying to work in a “he is risen” joke, but can’t improve upon perfection. Thanks, John.

  17. 17.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Anotherlurker:

    I want to remind people that today, we are celebrating the event of the resurection of our lord. How he was crucified and died on a Friday.
    How he rose again, on the Sunday!

    April Fool!

  21. 21.

    Spanky

    @Anotherlurker: I’ve been using that one, although I drag it out through the events of Friday, then “rolled back the stone of the tomb and saw his shadow, and thus we have 6 more weeks of spring.” Spring makes more sense.

  23. 23.

    Spanky

    Also too, it’s barely 40 hours between 3 PM Friday to sunrise Sunday, so “3rd day” has always seemed a bit of a stretch.

  25. 25.

    SiubhanDuinne

    John, I hadn’t known Irie’s backstory before reading your linked post (that was not long before I discovered BJ). He sounds like one terrific dog. If you have any pictures of him and Tunch together, pretty sure I’m not the only one here who would love to see them.

  27. 27.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Spanky: The Gospels were clearly not written by C programmers.

    That kind of inclusive counting is pretty traditional, though–music theory is plagued with it probably because some of the terminology predates Europeans using zero.

  33. 33.

    Chacal Charles Calthrop

    @Spanky: all the better to cut it close, because who wants to be dead/in hell any longer than is strictly necessary?
    Here in NYC several years ago I remember one Sunday morning church parade, everyone in costume, winding past the hungover punks in Tompkins Square Part who looked as if they thought they were finally getting delirium tremens….

  36. 36.

    West of the Rockies (been a while)

    I have high regard for redemption, hope, and rebirth, so Happy Easter.

  37. 37.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @AnotherBruce: So has everybody been visited by the Chloroform Rabbit, I mean, the Ether Bunny?

    So how weird are things theze daze?

    Heavy show on the first day of spring.
    Easter on April Fools Day.**
    Trump is POTUS.

    ** Same as in 1945. Last time was 1956. Next time is 2040. I guess whoever’s left & conscious (almost surely not including me) will know fer shur who was the fool the previous time…

    There’s a scene in Connie Willis’ All Clear in which one of the protagonists (a time-traveler from the mid-21st century stuck in London at the height of the Blitz) is confronted by one of the locals who’s figured out her secret. Who says only: Did we win? She replies, Yes – a small comfort, as she is probably aware that he will not survive the war. I have a sinking feeling that if one of us ran into her equivalent today & asked the same question, the answer would (at best) be, It’s complicated…

  38. 38.

    Bobby Thomson

    Some good news. Yesterday we brought home a rescue that my stepdaughter fell in love with. After my youngest daughter allowed him to get out the front door, things were very stressful, but he is home now. He covered about three miles in about eight hours.

  41. 41.

    Another Scott

    Hail Ēostre.

    In other news… PalmBeachPost:

    While most people were painting Easter eggs, vandals decided to splash red paint on the Trump International Golf Club sign on Summit Boulevard Saturday night.

    Workers were still attending to the sign, which was mostly cleaned up Sunday morning but still appeared to have flecks of red paint on it.

    [ image ]

    The Secret Service is leading the investigation, and Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Teri Barbera referred requests for information to the Secret Service.

    As if the Secret Service didn’t have enough to do…

    :-/

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  43. 43.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Uncle Cosmo:

    Easter on April Fools Day.**

    ** Same as in 1945. Last time was 1956. Next time is 2040. I guess whoever’s left & conscious (almost surely not including me) will know fer shur who was the fool the previous time…

    I was not yet three years old in April 1945. Don’t remember Easter at all, although I have an exceedingly vague memory, of “memory,” of FDR’s death not many days later. Remember 1956 very well, and in fact this morning put up on FB a photo of me wearing a new navy suit and a little white hat, taken on that Easter Sunday. Doubt I will live to see 2040 — I’d be almost 98 and not sure it’s worth the trouble.

  44. 44.

    germy

    *knock on door*

    “Sir have you found Jesus?”

    Uh, no. Goodbye.

    *shuts door*

    *Jesus steps out from behind door with gun*

    Good answer

    — Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) September 10, 2015

  48. 48.

    Spanky

    @Another Scott: Why does the Secret Service have jurisidiction in a misdemeanor vandalism case to private property. (//) After all, the pResident no longer has any financial interest in Trump Properties. And even if he did … vandalism?

  51. 51.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Another Scott:

    My heart sank when I saw this. No matter how repellent Trump and his family/friends/supporters and properties are, vandalism is an unacceptable way to protest. Apart from anything else, it’s at best a distraction from our policy and electoral goals, and arguably can be used (by the GOP) as a reason to vote against Dems. Pretty sure SHS, Fox, et al. are already weaponizing this incident to serve their own ends.

  52. 52.

    JMG

    The Secret Service may SAY it’s investigating, but that’s more to placate their boss than anything else. They probably have an agent who’s calling the Palm Beach PD twice a day for updates. They do keep tabs on that stuff. About 10 years ago two agents came to our house to ask us about the daughter of the previous owners, who of course we didn’t know from Adam. Turns out she had a habit of writing long, weird but non-threatening letters to the President, no matter who was President. Then like six months before they visited us, the letters had stopped. This made the Secret Service a little twitchy.

  53. 53.

    bemused

    @Ruviana:

    Moving so fast, it’s not easy to see all their beauty. I was thrilled last summer to see hummingbird moths going crazy over my Bee Balm. First time I had ever seen one. I told my 94 year old mother-in-law and she said she had never heard of hummingbird moths.

  54. 54.

    FlyingToaster

    @SiubhanDuinne: I beg to disagree with the idea that

    vandalism is an unacceptable way to protest

    .

    I do agree that vandalizing Trump properties is generally counterproductive, but I won’t yell at anyone hitting Trump signs with paintballs. If that soaks up Secret Service time, it’s regrettable, but they chose to waste their time on vandalism.

    It will, however, soak up Trump’s attention, and that is a GOOD THING. The more time he spends on feeling butthurt about paintballs on his signs and less time either screwing the American populace or getting us into another fucking war, the better.

  55. 55.

    zhena gogolia

    @germy:

    this is cracking me up for some reason. I’m seeing him as Humphrey Bogart in The Desperate Hours.

  56. 56.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @germy:

    In your experience, what were the biggest changes from 1956 to now? I don’t mean just technological, or fashion.

    Hmm, interesting question, but impossible for me to answer without invoking technology, which has changed every part of life, both individually and societally.

    May I ponder it for a little while? It’s the kind of question that deserves a thoughtful answer — deserves its own thread, really (AHEM, in case any Front Pagers are around) and I don’t want to just toss off something flip.

  57. 57.

    Ladyraxterinok

    @SiubhanDuinne: I remember FDR’s death too (b1940). I was playing at a neighbor’s house when a woman came in crying. I was sent home, and told my mother about the crying lady. The event was solidified in my memory because my fsvorite radio programs were canceled.

  60. 60.

    germy

    @SiubhanDuinne: In my experience, things seem more… permanent then.

    I have a desk in my house that was my mother’s (I have a photo of her from 1942 sitting at it). The thing is SOLID. And full of subtle little design carvings and details. I also have a small end table that was my night stand back in 1963. Again, it’s solid. Heavy, well built. Doesn’t wobble. The night stand was just something my parents picked up cheap in some dept. store, without much thought.

    Furniture we bought last year is like a stage set. Looks like furniture from a distance, but upon closer examination it is flimsy and I don’t expect it to last generations.

    I suppose that falls under the topic of technology. Or craftmanship.

    Although we think of modern times as being more permissive, it seems all sorts of behavior was permissible in 1956; more cruelty within families. Driving while drunk. etc

    It is a complicated question.

  61. 61.

    Fred

    Love them Golden’s.
    We lost both our Amber and Lilly this past year. They both had long and good lives but I miss them so.
    They were the best walkie dogs. We used to charge around the woods trails by the lake. They loved to eat the wild blue berries and raspberries. Amber could clean off a bush of berries so fast. They would come home with blue stains all over their faces.

  62. 62.

    p.a.

    So… does this story imply Cole invented the phrase “Whut you lookin’ at?”?

    Happy kinda-equinox everyone.

  63. 63.

    Lapassionara

    @SiubhanDuinne: I was born in 1942, and I enjoy regaling my grandchildren with stories of the olden days.

    We could walk to a music store where we could listen to a 45 rpm several times before we decided to spend money on it. Fun times!

  64. 64.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @FlyingToaster:

    I beg to disagree with the idea that

    vandalism is an unacceptable way to protest

    Okay, fair enough. I’ve had a visceral aversion to vandalism as long as I can remember. Not sure why.

  65. 65.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Lapassionara:

    Yes, the listening booths! There was a record store right next to my family’s bookstore, so I was well-spoiled by ready access to books and music. (Nice to meet another 1942 baby here!)

  67. 67.

    BellyCat

    High-larious April Fools post from The Root sent to me by my wife. “trump-gop-seriously-considering-reparations-to-blacks”

    The sad part, with the insanity of Trump/GOP, is that it’s SO believable that it took me a few paragraphs to remember what the date was!

  68. 68.

    Catherine D.

    @germy: My standard answer to “have you found jesus?” is oh, is that your dog? have you put up posters?

  69. 69.

    Scamp Dog

    @Bobby Thomson: Congratulations on the new arrival! Friday I got a new dog from the shelter, too, an Aussie-chow mix, about 5 months old. She is semi-house trained, but thinks leashes are for her to chew on as we walk. She also likes to nip at me, which I need to break her from doing. I’ve named her Bear, since she’s dark brown and fuzzy and has these paws that make me think she’s going to be a big dog.

  71. 71.

    Bobby Thomson

    If she’s part Chow that seems like a good guess. Another Aussie mix here. He’s a perfect gentleman on the leash and naps all the time, but he really bolted when he had an opportunity. Congratulations!

  77. 77.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @germy:

    In my experience, things seem more… permanent then.

    I agree. Mass manufacturing and greater supply chain efficiencies, shoddy workmanship, planned obsolescence, cheaper materials and labor, faster and bigger transport — all have played their part. We in turn have certain expectations and desires about what we buy and keep and pass along, vs what we trash and replace. But which is cause and which is effect I shall leave to smarter people to figure out.

  78. 78.

    Ruckus

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    My sister, now passed, gave me an xmas present one year, a photo album. Called very appropriately “dysfunctionalfamilyalbum.”
    There is a picture of me in front of my grandmothers house when I’m 4 or 5, on easter in bright pink pants with a white jacket. Mother thought it was pretty. Had I been a year older it probably would have been worth a decade of therapy. I can remember stuff from when I was 4 but had blocked out that easter. It was so nice of my sister to remind me that my mother could be a sadist if she worked at it at all.

  80. 80.

    Walker

    @germy:

    Furniture is one of the biggest examples of survivorship bias. There has always been cheap furniture that falls apart. But because it does not last, we forget about it. And the furniture that does last cost as much (relative to income) then as it does now.

  81. 81.

    AnotherBruce

    @opiejeanne: I think that Jesus will appear in all his glory and power and deliver his holy message. “I come back for the Resurrection, only to see that you fools elected Trump?” And then Jesus will decide to go to sleep for another 2000 years.

  82. 82.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    An annual Easter tradition in our house: checking out the Peeps Diorama Contest. It’s awe-inspiring and scary how much detail people put into these things.

    Either we forgot to look last year, or we checked out the images but didn’t notice the domain, but apparently this contest is now sponsored by the Washington City Paper and was last year as well. It has always been at the WaPo in my recollection.

    You can keep your Monets and your Van Goghs. This is real art.

  84. 84.

    Ruckus

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    Well the furniture thing. Think about the population and using only solid wood for furniture. Think about all that sawdust and chips and what to do with it. We have to change because there is a lot more of us on this rock and we can’t always keep doing things like we did 75 or 200 yrs ago. So we build furniture differently, we make things that 75 yrs ago were maybe written about in SF novels. I wanted to be an astronaut, when I was 7. The word had been invented but there wasn’t one person in the world with that job title. I didn’t care about being the first one, just one of. Didn’t work out, oh well, life went on.
    I liked your answer about how can you not think of technology when answering that question. We really aren’t different as a species, but life? That is so different that it almost boggles the mind. A computer, when you or I were born, was a big box of shafts, gears and dials, that could solve a few equations. Now we have phones with most likely more computing power than in the first space shuttle and boxes on our tables that are more powerful than the first super computers. And we can walk into stores and flop down a plastic card and buy more.

  88. 88.

    Another Scott

    @Scamp Dog: Congratulations!

    We got a rescue in November and had her DNA tested. They claim she’s 3/8 Aussie Shepherd, 1/8 Rottweiler, 1/8 Collie and 3/8 something else. They think she should weigh about 85 pounds. She was 28 pounds when we got her (hadn’t been eating) and weighs about 39 now. ;-) She’s about 18 months old now.

    She’s got an ear-piercing bark/yeowl when she wants something.

    She tastes and chews on just about everything when we’re walking (especially if it’s white) and throws a fit (jumping up and down, grabbing the leash and chewing on it) if we take it away from her. She can be quite the brat at times. ;-)

    But she’s quite lovable and always wants to meet other dogs to play. She’s well house-trained and generally quiet in the house, doesn’t bark excessively at the mailman or other dogs walking by, and hasn’t had any accidents since her first week.

    We got a ~ 18″ long chain to put on the collar-end of the leash to discourage her from chewing on it, but she still does sometimes anyway. You might want to try that, but I figure she’ll grow out of it eventually.

    Have fun, and take lots of pictures.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  90. 90.

    germy

    @Walker:

    And the furniture that does last cost as much (relative to income) then as it does now.

    I don’t know. My parents were rather poor. And they didn’t give much attention to the night stand they bought me; just snatched it up at some dept. store.

    The thing’s solid as a rock. It’ll last another few centuries.

  91. 91.

    Sab

    That dog looks freaked out. Just saying.

    I always give up something for Lent. Best choice ever, about fifteen years ago, was speeding in the car. Driving became much less tense, and I saved about 20% on gasoline.

    This year I didn’t get around to giving anything up, so about a week into Lent I had to think about what I hadn’t eaten yet and give that up. Ice cream.

    I’m lactose intolerant so I don’t much like it. Note to self, don’t give up something you don’t like for Lent, because you kind of have to eat it on Easter.

    Also the oldster joke: you know you are getting old when your wife tells you on Good Friday that she gave up sex for Lent.

  92. 92.

    Sab

    That dog looks freaked out. Just saying.

    I always give up something for Lent. Best choice ever, about fifteen years ago, was speeding in the car. Driving became much less tense, and I saved about 20% on gasoline.

    This year I didn’t get around to giving anything up, so about a week into Lent I had to think about what I hadn’t eaten yet and give that up. Ice cream.

    I’m lactose intolerant so I don’t much like it. Note to self, don’t give up something you don’t like for Lent, because you kind of have to eat it on Easter.

    Also the oldster joke: you know you are getting old when your wife tells you on Good Friday that she gave up sex for Lent

    .@Another Scott: Puppies are impossible until they are two. Hang in there. She is about to become the dog of your dreams.

  94. 94.

    Jeff

    I saw Jesus walking a dog with and electrical cord as a leash on the way to church this morning.

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