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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Dog Blogging / Y’all Weren’t Kidding

Y’all Weren’t Kidding

by John Cole|  April 24, 20185:14 pm| 59 Comments

This post is in: Dog Blogging

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I had to leave for about five hours, and when I got back I was going to give Lily a snack. But because I am giving Lily a snack, I had to give Thurston and Rosie a snack as a distraction. I had a half a can of cooked chicken in the fridge from yesterday (the vets say they buy it by the ton at costco and give it to the dogs in recovery), and I opened another. The plan was to split the open can for Rosie and Thurston, and take the other can upstairs for Lily so she would not be pushed around (in bowls obviously, we’re not fucking animals).

I went to put the bowls down, which requires some precision- “Rosie, here is your bowl,” and then walk a few feet and say “Thurston here is yours” and then take Lily upstairs to feed her unmolested. No sooner did I have Rosie’s bowl on the ground when the new boss bitch Lily elbowed her way past Rosie and basically inhaled the bowl in two gulps.

I still don’t think Rosie knows what happened. I just stood there for a second thinking “Well, that was different.” I picked up Lily, gave Rosie some more, then took Lily upstairs, gave her the entire can, and she ate every last drop and then drank the chicken juice out of the bowl.

So yeah, the steroids are giving her a good appetite.

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Previous Post: « She hates him as much as we do.
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Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    lollipopguild

    April 24, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    Your reality show is so much better than the one in the White House.

  2. 2.

    p.a.

    April 24, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    Respect mah a-thor-tee

  3. 3.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 24, 2018 at 5:21 pm

    (in bowls obviously, we’re not fucking animals).

    Screaming with laughter, weeping with mirth.

    Two questions:

    (1) What are you going to do when Lilly gets too rotund to go up and down stairs, and too heavy for you to carry her? Which, from her new appetite, sounds as though that might happen before the end of the month.

    [B] What about Steve? Does he no longer eat?

  4. 4.

    JPL

    April 24, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: haha Steve is waiting for the tuna.

  5. 5.

    Mary G

    April 24, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    You go, Lily. I’ve been on the highest safe-ish dose of either prednisone or medrol for more than 35 years and I am fat as fuck. This is a good sign, though. Keep the updates coming.

  6. 6.

    trollhattan

    April 24, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    Awww. Don’t let on to her if she puts a little “junk in the trunk.”

    I can well imagine Rosie and Thurston’s confusion.

  7. 7.

    kate p

    April 24, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    I had a dog on steroids once. I came home to find the pantry door open and white powder everywhere – she had found herself a bag of powdered sugar and decided to just inhale it.

  8. 8.

    TenguPhule

    April 24, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    What are you going to do when Lilly gets too rotund to go up and down stairs, and too heavy for you to carry her? Which, from her new appetite, sounds as though that might happen before the end of the month.

    Lily will obviously kill and eat John in his sleep.

  9. 9.

    The Moar You Know

    April 24, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    I had a dog on steroids once. I came home to find the pantry door open and white powder everywhere – she had found herself a bag of powdered sugar and decided to just inhale it.

    @kate p: that wasn’t sugar

  10. 10.

    Roger Moore

    April 24, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    Lily will obviously kill and eat John in his sleep.

    Not if he sleeps upstairs.

  11. 11.

    Yarrow

    April 24, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    So yeah, the steroids are giving her a good appetite.

    Oh yeah. They make you so hungry. Glad Lily has a good appetite and is getting all the chicken she wants. Who’s a good girl? Lily is!

  12. 12.

    schrodingers_cat

    April 24, 2018 at 5:36 pm

    Your posts on Lily are a welcome break from the non stop parade of negativity. Thank You.

  13. 13.

    Mary G

    April 24, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: They make stair lifts now.

  14. 14.

    Felanius Kootea

    April 24, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    I’m just picturing Rosie’s expression of befuddlement.

  15. 15.

    Joy in FL

    April 24, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    I’m so glad Lily is doing well.
    I hope you will post about her regularly even when her status isn’t critical.
    Of course Steve & Rosie & Thurston are always welcome : )

  16. 16.

    Planetpundit

    April 24, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    Best cable show ever; wait til they vote John off the island.

  17. 17.

    Ohio Mom

    April 24, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    When I’ve been on prednisone, I’ve gotten very cranky. At first I always think that Ohio Dad and Son are acting like turkeys, then I realize they are the same as always, I’ve just lost all slack and tolerance for their quirks. Roid rage.

  18. 18.

    bemused

    April 24, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    Hilarious.

  19. 19.

    lollipopguild

    April 24, 2018 at 5:48 pm

    @kate p: It’s not funny because you had to clean it up but. I can see the dog going ‘Is there anything to eat around here?” Breaks into pantry. “Hey whats this white powder?’ Snort. “oh yessssss SUGAR!”

  20. 20.

    LanceThruster

    April 24, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    There’s a girl who wants to get better!

  21. 21.

    Mary G

    April 24, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    We should all chip in to get John a body cam like the police have and he can livestream Lily all day; probably make him a lot of money.

  22. 22.

    HILFY

    April 24, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    @lollipopguild: You win the internets for today. Maybe for the whole week! How would we survive the Trump debacle without John Cole, all his animals, salvation of the house and Walter, and the next fascinating imbroglio he happens onto?

  23. 23.

    lollipopguild

    April 24, 2018 at 5:52 pm

    @Mary G: If the animals kill John we will have evidence of how he went.

  24. 24.

    Pogonip

    April 24, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    “Mr. Cole, your dog is cured of [whatever that polysyllabic condition was].”

    “Thank you, Doctor!”

    “She IS, however, considerably overweight. What have you been feeding her?”

    “Nothing.”

    “Nothing?”

    “Nothing. She ate everything in the house before I could try to feed it to her.[Pause]. I used to have 2 other dogs and a cat…”

  25. 25.

    TenguPhule

    April 24, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    Not if he sleeps upstairs.

    He carries Lily upstairs.

  26. 26.

    CaseyL

    April 24, 2018 at 5:55 pm

    Rosie and Thurston: Who was that masked dog – and where did she put the chicken that was mine, meant for me?

    Steve: Wait, there’s chicken? No one said there’d be –

    Lily: – all gone now, mofo.

    Steve, Rosie and Thurston: HEY!!!

    …You do realize this means Lily will be the greatest li’l ol’ doggie poop factory in Bethany, right? You want to gauge her internal health by studying her… output… you’ll have ample opportunity to do so.

  27. 27.

    dr. bloor

    April 24, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    Keep her on those meds, and Lily is going to hit 73 homers for the Pirates next season.

  28. 28.

    Barbara

    April 24, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    One of the side effects of my dog’s disease, Cushing Syndrome, was a natural overproduction of cortisone, which does make them incredibly hungry, and also leads to loss of muscle tone. It also makes them really thirsty so be sure to have a lot of water available all the time.

  29. 29.

    Roger Moore

    April 24, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    He carries Lily upstairs.

    The question was what would happen when she got too heavy for Cole to carry up the stairs.

  30. 30.

    donnah

    April 24, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    My son was diagnosed with leukemia when he was three and the steroids turned him into an eating machine. Grandparents would come with a bag of Arby’s curly fries and a bowl of sliced cucumbers to sate his cravings. I would find him sitting in front of the snack cabinet looking for something to graze upon until the next meal. He got through all that terrible time just fine; he’s thirty years old and seems fit and healthy. But we were astonished to see how much and how often he wanted to eat.

  31. 31.

    EricNNY

    April 24, 2018 at 6:09 pm

    I just want to pipe in here that your Lily updates are not costing me the week’s grocery bill on kleenex this week and for that I’m thankful.

  32. 32.

    piratedan

    April 24, 2018 at 6:09 pm

    will be watching for AZ CD8 news, realistic but hopeful… even seeing ads during the Dbacks games for both candidates, Hiral linking Lesko to Franks and the same ‘ol, same ol’ GOP government machine, will see how it resonates…

    Lesko’s ads are the same fear mongering shit as always… European socialism in healthcare, and weakening border security bs…

  33. 33.

    Van Buren

    April 24, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    @Barbara: Yeah, one of my 3 has Cushing’s. She drinks an enormous amount. My wife has to stay upat midnight to let her out 1 last time, and I get up at 430 to let her out. Sometimes the other 2 don’t even wake up.

  34. 34.

    TenguPhule

    April 24, 2018 at 6:17 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    The question was what would happen when she got too heavy for Cole to carry up the stairs.

    She crushes him under her weight and eats him to survive.

  35. 35.

    JamesKPolkEsq

    April 24, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    Happy to see Lily doing so well!

  36. 36.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 24, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    @EricNNY:

    Ain’t that the truth! I thought I was nearly done with this five weeks of drippy snotty coughy sneezy congested wake-up-at-3:00-a.m.-barfing-up-a-lung, and last week’s Lily posts had me right back in the thick of the mucous. Was regretting I didn’t own any Kimberly-Clark stock.

  37. 37.

    bluefish

    April 24, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    LOL! Lily — “Hey, can you hold my beer?”

    And good to know your vets recommend canned chicken. Will check that out.

  38. 38.

    catclub

    April 24, 2018 at 6:27 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    What are you going to do when Lilly gets too rotund to go up and down stairs,

    I think the answer is, try to carry her, fall down, break other collarbone, amuse BJ readers.

  39. 39.

    Drunkenhausfrau

    April 24, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    ??? best laugh of the week!

  40. 40.

    rikyrah

    April 24, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    Poor Rosie…??
    Glad for the good appetite, Lily.

  41. 41.

    Shell

    April 24, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Forget the Steroids, its all that Jewish Penicillin.

  42. 42.

    Villago Delenda Est

    April 24, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    @lollipopguild: Just this.

  43. 43.

    MomSense

    April 24, 2018 at 6:43 pm

    Ha! Take what’s yours, Lily!

  44. 44.

    Villago Delenda Est

    April 24, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    @MomSense: “She claims every star she sees in the sky”.

    Lily is a Romulan!

  45. 45.

    Bobby Thomson

    April 24, 2018 at 7:04 pm

    Sixteen-year-old boys also dig canned chicken from Costco.

  46. 46.

    LAO

    April 24, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    I was once on prednisone for 2 years, in addition to being an absolute bitch, I was always hungry. Watch your back Cole. ?

  47. 47.

    PIGL

    April 24, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    @kate p: well, at least it wasn’t cocaine.

  48. 48.

    MomSense

    April 24, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    I give and she takes!

  49. 49.

    WaterGirl

    April 24, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    Hey Cole, someone I knew who was on steroids described it like this:

    You want to open the fridge, start eating at the top shelf and eat your way all the way down.

  50. 50.

    BCHS Class of 1980

    April 24, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    @catclub: But not Lily; he will miraculously turn while falling so as to minimize her damage and maximize his.

  51. 51.

    WaterGirl

    April 24, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    @Ohio Mom: Which reminds me of the old joke about someone who is dieting.

    ‘You know, people say you can get cranky when you’re on a diet. I’m doing just fine, but my friends are all being really obnoxious.

  52. 52.

    Mnemosyne

    April 24, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    Our middle cat Annie is taking steroids for her pemphigus, but it doesn’t seem to be doing much for her appetite. ?

  53. 53.

    debit

    April 24, 2018 at 8:30 pm

    Good for Lily! There is something so satisfying in watching a previously ill dog develop an appetite again. I’m so happy for her.

  54. 54.

    Ksmiami

    April 24, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    @lollipopguild: I feel jipped by this story as it doesn’t involve John succumbing to some sort of accident involving said can and animal imbroglio. harrumph.

  55. 55.

    debg

    April 24, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    I’m ROFLMAOing. John, you sure can paint a word picture. Lily, you GO GIRL!

  56. 56.

    zhena gogolia

    April 24, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    I’ve had cats on steroids and it doesn’t seem to affect them that way.

  57. 57.

    satby

    April 24, 2018 at 11:06 pm

    I have to take prednisone when I have a bad asthma flare, and my not great will power goes out the window. I try not to go grocery shopping when I’m on a prednisone blast because those first few days have me eyeballing meaty humans and wondering how much prison time I might get.

  58. 58.

    SWMBO

    April 24, 2018 at 11:49 pm

    @satby: Stay out of jail. You might wind up in a cell with someone from Trump’s administration.

  59. 59.

    Dupe1970

    April 25, 2018 at 10:06 am

    Feed me Seymour!

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