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A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Not all heroes wear capes.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

I really should read my own blog.

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if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Dog Blogging / Y’all Weren’t Kidding

Y’all Weren’t Kidding

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I had to leave for about five hours, and when I got back I was going to give Lily a snack. But because I am giving Lily a snack, I had to give Thurston and Rosie a snack as a distraction. I had a half a can of cooked chicken in the fridge from yesterday (the vets say they buy it by the ton at costco and give it to the dogs in recovery), and I opened another. The plan was to split the open can for Rosie and Thurston, and take the other can upstairs for Lily so she would not be pushed around (in bowls obviously, we’re not fucking animals).

I went to put the bowls down, which requires some precision- “Rosie, here is your bowl,” and then walk a few feet and say “Thurston here is yours” and then take Lily upstairs to feed her unmolested. No sooner did I have Rosie’s bowl on the ground when the new boss bitch Lily elbowed her way past Rosie and basically inhaled the bowl in two gulps.

I still don’t think Rosie knows what happened. I just stood there for a second thinking “Well, that was different.” I picked up Lily, gave Rosie some more, then took Lily upstairs, gave her the entire can, and she ate every last drop and then drank the chicken juice out of the bowl.

So yeah, the steroids are giving her a good appetite.

Reader Interactions

59Comments

  3. 3.

    SiubhanDuinne

    (in bowls obviously, we’re not fucking animals).

    Screaming with laughter, weeping with mirth.

    Two questions:

    (1) What are you going to do when Lilly gets too rotund to go up and down stairs, and too heavy for you to carry her? Which, from her new appetite, sounds as though that might happen before the end of the month.

    [B] What about Steve? Does he no longer eat?

  5. 5.

    Mary G

    You go, Lily. I’ve been on the highest safe-ish dose of either prednisone or medrol for more than 35 years and I am fat as fuck. This is a good sign, though. Keep the updates coming.

  6. 6.

    trollhattan

    Awww. Don’t let on to her if she puts a little “junk in the trunk.”

    I can well imagine Rosie and Thurston’s confusion.

  7. 7.

    kate p

    I had a dog on steroids once. I came home to find the pantry door open and white powder everywhere – she had found herself a bag of powdered sugar and decided to just inhale it.

  8. 8.

    TenguPhule

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    What are you going to do when Lilly gets too rotund to go up and down stairs, and too heavy for you to carry her? Which, from her new appetite, sounds as though that might happen before the end of the month.

    Lily will obviously kill and eat John in his sleep.

  9. 9.

    The Moar You Know

    I had a dog on steroids once. I came home to find the pantry door open and white powder everywhere – she had found herself a bag of powdered sugar and decided to just inhale it.

    @kate p: that wasn’t sugar

  11. 11.

    Yarrow

    So yeah, the steroids are giving her a good appetite.

    Oh yeah. They make you so hungry. Glad Lily has a good appetite and is getting all the chicken she wants. Who’s a good girl? Lily is!

  15. 15.

    Joy in FL

    I’m so glad Lily is doing well.
    I hope you will post about her regularly even when her status isn’t critical.
    Of course Steve & Rosie & Thurston are always welcome : )

  17. 17.

    Ohio Mom

    When I’ve been on prednisone, I’ve gotten very cranky. At first I always think that Ohio Dad and Son are acting like turkeys, then I realize they are the same as always, I’ve just lost all slack and tolerance for their quirks. Roid rage.

  19. 19.

    lollipopguild

    @kate p: It’s not funny because you had to clean it up but. I can see the dog going ‘Is there anything to eat around here?” Breaks into pantry. “Hey whats this white powder?’ Snort. “oh yessssss SUGAR!”

  21. 21.

    Mary G

    We should all chip in to get John a body cam like the police have and he can livestream Lily all day; probably make him a lot of money.

  22. 22.

    HILFY

    @lollipopguild: You win the internets for today. Maybe for the whole week! How would we survive the Trump debacle without John Cole, all his animals, salvation of the house and Walter, and the next fascinating imbroglio he happens onto?

  24. 24.

    Pogonip

    “Mr. Cole, your dog is cured of [whatever that polysyllabic condition was].”

    “Thank you, Doctor!”

    “She IS, however, considerably overweight. What have you been feeding her?”

    “Nothing.”

    “Nothing?”

    “Nothing. She ate everything in the house before I could try to feed it to her.[Pause]. I used to have 2 other dogs and a cat…”

  26. 26.

    CaseyL

    Rosie and Thurston: Who was that masked dog – and where did she put the chicken that was mine, meant for me?

    Steve: Wait, there’s chicken? No one said there’d be –

    Lily: – all gone now, mofo.

    Steve, Rosie and Thurston: HEY!!!

    …You do realize this means Lily will be the greatest li’l ol’ doggie poop factory in Bethany, right? You want to gauge her internal health by studying her… output… you’ll have ample opportunity to do so.

  27. 27.

    dr. bloor

    Keep her on those meds, and Lily is going to hit 73 homers for the Pirates next season.

  28. 28.

    Barbara

    One of the side effects of my dog’s disease, Cushing Syndrome, was a natural overproduction of cortisone, which does make them incredibly hungry, and also leads to loss of muscle tone. It also makes them really thirsty so be sure to have a lot of water available all the time.

  30. 30.

    donnah

    My son was diagnosed with leukemia when he was three and the steroids turned him into an eating machine. Grandparents would come with a bag of Arby’s curly fries and a bowl of sliced cucumbers to sate his cravings. I would find him sitting in front of the snack cabinet looking for something to graze upon until the next meal. He got through all that terrible time just fine; he’s thirty years old and seems fit and healthy. But we were astonished to see how much and how often he wanted to eat.

  31. 31.

    EricNNY

    I just want to pipe in here that your Lily updates are not costing me the week’s grocery bill on kleenex this week and for that I’m thankful.

  32. 32.

    piratedan

    will be watching for AZ CD8 news, realistic but hopeful… even seeing ads during the Dbacks games for both candidates, Hiral linking Lesko to Franks and the same ‘ol, same ol’ GOP government machine, will see how it resonates…

    Lesko’s ads are the same fear mongering shit as always… European socialism in healthcare, and weakening border security bs…

  33. 33.

    Van Buren

    @Barbara: Yeah, one of my 3 has Cushing’s. She drinks an enormous amount. My wife has to stay upat midnight to let her out 1 last time, and I get up at 430 to let her out. Sometimes the other 2 don’t even wake up.

  34. 34.

    TenguPhule

    @Roger Moore:

    The question was what would happen when she got too heavy for Cole to carry up the stairs.

    She crushes him under her weight and eats him to survive.

  36. 36.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @EricNNY:

    Ain’t that the truth! I thought I was nearly done with this five weeks of drippy snotty coughy sneezy congested wake-up-at-3:00-a.m.-barfing-up-a-lung, and last week’s Lily posts had me right back in the thick of the mucous. Was regretting I didn’t own any Kimberly-Clark stock.

  37. 37.

    bluefish

    LOL! Lily — “Hey, can you hold my beer?”

    And good to know your vets recommend canned chicken. Will check that out.

  38. 38.

    catclub

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    What are you going to do when Lilly gets too rotund to go up and down stairs,

    I think the answer is, try to carry her, fall down, break other collarbone, amuse BJ readers.

  46. 46.

    LAO

    I was once on prednisone for 2 years, in addition to being an absolute bitch, I was always hungry. Watch your back Cole. ?

  49. 49.

    WaterGirl

    Hey Cole, someone I knew who was on steroids described it like this:

    You want to open the fridge, start eating at the top shelf and eat your way all the way down.

  50. 50.

    BCHS Class of 1980

    @catclub: But not Lily; he will miraculously turn while falling so as to minimize her damage and maximize his.

  51. 51.

    WaterGirl

    @Ohio Mom: Which reminds me of the old joke about someone who is dieting.

    ‘You know, people say you can get cranky when you’re on a diet. I’m doing just fine, but my friends are all being really obnoxious.

  52. 52.

    Mnemosyne

    Our middle cat Annie is taking steroids for her pemphigus, but it doesn’t seem to be doing much for her appetite. ?

  53. 53.

    debit

    Good for Lily! There is something so satisfying in watching a previously ill dog develop an appetite again. I’m so happy for her.

  54. 54.

    Ksmiami

    @lollipopguild: I feel jipped by this story as it doesn’t involve John succumbing to some sort of accident involving said can and animal imbroglio. harrumph.

  57. 57.

    satby

    I have to take prednisone when I have a bad asthma flare, and my not great will power goes out the window. I try not to go grocery shopping when I’m on a prednisone blast because those first few days have me eyeballing meaty humans and wondering how much prison time I might get.

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