Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

šŸŽ¶ Those boots were made for mockinā€™ šŸŽµ

ā€œUntil such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.ā€

Mediocre white men think RFK Jrā€™s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, itā€™s subterranean.

Nothing says ā€˜pro-lifeā€™ like letting children go hungry.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, theyā€™re gonna use it.ā€

You canā€™t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Speaker Mike Johnson is a vile traitor to the House and the Constitution.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

The gop is a fucking disgrace.

These are not very smart people, and things got out of hand.

Letā€™s bury these fuckers at the polls 2 years from now.

Not all heroes wear capes.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

ā€œI was told there would be no fact checking.ā€

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

If a good thing happens for a bad reason, itā€™s still a good thing.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

The media handbook says ā€œcontroversialā€ is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm ā€“ it is a trap.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / Sunday Night Open Thread- There’s a Feral Bobcat On My Chest

Sunday Night Open Thread- There’s a Feral Bobcat On My Chest

by | 126 Comments

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I lay down to take a nap this afternoon and had my phone with me by the bedside table (normally I turn the damned thing off or have it on a charger somewhere), so when Steve jumped up on my chest and started demanding food, I took the opportunity to take some pictures so you will know how my day starts EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING.

First, he walks into the room and announces his presence. That sometimes wakes me up, and I try to be very still and pretend I am still asleep and don’t hear him. Then I lie there hoping that playing possum works, but usually it does not, and since Steve is plus size, the next thing I hear is him defying all the laws of physics and and gravity projecting himself onto my bed. From there, he slowly climbs on top of my chest, and gets his face really close to mine, sometimes so close I can feel his whiskers. Like this:

The key to possum is not making eye contact and just not moving. So he’ll sit there and stare at me until his gaze penetrates my eyelids. Other times he will knead, start out slowly, increasing the pace and force and the amount of claw every few seconds until it feels like a bantamweight boxer is working out on the heavy bag. Sometimes even more aggressive measures are employed, like a swift “THWAP” to the face:

Notice the serious look on his face as he delivers a deft right hook. When I finally wake up, he stands on me triumphantly, declaring victory, letting me know what I have to do:

“Rise and shine, fatty. Home team needs breakfast.”

Reader Interactions

126Comments

  1. 1.

    Manyakitty

    Heisenberg does that, but he also likes to stick his face in my mouth. What a delight.

  3. 3.

    Cckids

    Thatā€™s awesome. My tortie Hermione dies that when she decides she is insufficiently adored. Usually between 1-4 a.m.

    Luckily for me, sheā€™s only half Steveā€™s size. Still packs quite the punch though. She also, instead of standing on my chest, will put both front feet on my larynx & lean. Itā€™s a little scary, like being strangled.
    Love her anyway.

  5. 5.

    Pyre Light

    My family’s first cat, when he climbed on your chest like that, would stick his head under your chin and purr and drool like a small water pump.

  6. 6.

    zhena gogolia

    Husband’s comment: “Boy, he looks like he walked right out of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s costume department.” (We’ve been reading ALW’s fabulous memoir and we’re in the Cats saga right now.)

  9. 9.

    mai naem mobile

    JC I think you should put together a bunch of your cat posts and publish them. I think you could pay off your mortgage with the proceeds.

  10. 10.

    Amir Khalid

    After 14 years, I’m well used to seeing Bianca from that close. Right before she starts in tongue-bathing my face and scalp.

  12. 12.

    No One You Know

    Our cats tag-team us. One stalks up and down the bed, then us, talking all the time. One remains resolutely pinned by gravity and claws to our feet. She’s not Steve-sized, she’s a British shorthair and dwarfs the other two.

    The third materializes through the space-time warp in the closet and gets in the way as best she can.

  15. 15.

    Olivia

    We got an auto feeder for a very similar situation with Bubba. It works great; except now, after he scarfs it all down, he wanders throughout the rooms of the house howling and vocalizing his opinion of the meal for a minimum of 15 minutes until he jumps on my back and falls asleep.

  16. 16.

    randy khan

    Anybody else heard right-wing folks say that Trump will sue Daniels and Avenatti after he leaves office and bankrupt both of them?

    I mean, it’s palpably ridiculous, but the guy seemed utterly convinced, even if he couldn’t explain why. I reminded him that Avenatti was pretty rich, but that seemed to just bounce off him.

  20. 20.

    Jeffro

    @randy khan: they can console themselves with whatever fairytales they want …Trumpov ainā€™t suing anyone, heā€™s going to JAIL

    (Also, WAY TO GO CAPS!!! ??ā¤ļø?)

  22. 22.

    SFAW

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Thatā€™s been said about me a lot of times.

    Are you under the impression that “pretty awful” is the same as “awfully pretty”?

  23. 23.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @Manyakitty:

    Heisenberg does that, but he also likes to stick his face in my mouth.

    I owned a rat for awhile, and loved him dearly. He was, to my good fortune and infinite joy, a rat who would not pee or poop outside his chosen bathroom area, so I could let him run around anywhere. Since I only had one rat, that gave me the option of letting him run around on my bed while I slept, thus providing socialization time rats desperately need. He loved it.

    There was only one drawback. At exactly 3am (I have no idea how he knew) every night, he would stick his nose up mine.

  24. 24.

    randy khan

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    What is the theory under which he sues Avenatti?

    I’m sure you will be unsurprised to hear that he didn’t actually suggest any theory. I suppose the idea might be some kind of scenario in which Trump bankrupts them by burying them in litigation, but that would assume that Trump actually has any money.

  25. 25.

    SFAW

    @randy khan:

    Anybody else heard right-wing folks say that Trump will sue Daniels and Avenatti after he leaves office and bankrupt both of them?

    Projecting again, apparently.

    Of course, experienced as he is with bankrupting his companies ….

  27. 27.

    SFAW

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    What is the theory under which he sues Avenatti?

    “Anybody can sue anyone for anything”? Of course, if we’re talking about lawsuits with any kind of chance of success, well, that’s a different story.

  29. 29.

    Betsy

    Speaking of phones. Does someone want to fill me in on the sudden meme of “woman in blue sweatshirt and sunglasses on mobile phone, cut and pasted into various situations” is about. Who is this person? Why is she being cut and pasted? What did she do?

  30. 30.

    lamh36

    Hello BJ!!! Been MIA for a bit just working and prepping for this Australia trip!

    Iā€™ve been so busy and tired I havenā€™t really had any time to plan anything which is soo unlike me! But I do have an idea of what I want to see and do in both places, but Iā€™m going more spontaneous than I usually do when I travel!!! And with this double knee pain Iā€™m working with…ugh…Guess Iā€™ll just let go and let the universe do its thing & be optimistically pessimist about it all just to cover my bases???

    at least I finally finished shopping and Finally mostly packed up for Australia… this is everything except pair of jeans, a t-shirt and socks, undies and toiletries all in one above storage carryon and not even counting my one personal item. And I can probably fit one more vacuum bag in there!! pretty proud of myself

    https://twitter.com/psddluva4evah/status/995857340065861637?s=21

  31. 31.

    sdhays

    Those pictures are seriously freaky! With Steve’s shave on the rest of his body, his head looks disembodied at first glance, and little bit off-center on second. It must be terrifying!

  34. 34.

    rikyrah

    These are some great pictures, Cole.
    Steve still terrifies me, but, you captured his essence.
    I hope that at least one of these winds up in this year’s BJ Calendar.

  36. 36.

    Amir Khalid

    @randy khan:

    but that would assume that Trump actually has any money.

    Or, for that matter, any lawyers who know what they’re doing.

  39. 39.

    Betsy

    @Betsy: okay. So it looks like from the versions I’ve seen, she called law enforcement on people being people while black?

  41. 41.

    Schlemazel

    The late, lamented, Edward Wellington Mouseripper III would gently snuggle up next to me when I napped & purr quietly to keep me warm & comfortable. The current creature will march up and down & bang into my hand until I try to pet her then she will move just to the edge of my reach. If I stretch to pet her she will stay for a minute then move out of range. After that she will start marching back and forth and banging into my hand again.

  42. 42.

    captnkurt

    I’m heartbroken to share news of the sudden loss today of Django, Resident Good Boy, aka Spazzy McGee.

    Here are some pictures through the years (he was only about 6), and while he’s lying down in many, that’s only because it was so hard to take a nonblurry photo of him in his natural state, namely zipping around the living room, or tackling neighbor dog Rocky, or pulling my arm out of its socket during walks if a squirrel or neighborhood cat dared show its face, or tiring out every other dog at Kims K-9. (They literally used him to wear out all the other groups of dogs) If he took a liking to you, he would be yours through thick and thin, but he saved his growls for a special few, for reasons he kept to himself. Sorry about that Julie Campbell, I feel like he was your Moby Dick. Or maybe you were his.

    My mom was housesitting while we were away at a rowing regatta. It pains me that I didn’t get to see him the past couple of days, and must have gotten home just an hour after he passed, apparently peacefully though unexpectedly. We’ll miss you Django.

  43. 43.

    btom89

    @Omnes Omnibus: He’s welcome to try—Avenatti is of the Order of the Coif (if that’s the way to refer to someone who was number one in their law school), at a great law school, and has a fantastic reputation and decades of experience. Trump has a shitty reputation and as a result, can not get a decent lawyer to represent him in a court (see Cohen, Guiliani). Not to mention, if Trump sues him, Avenatti will use discovery to drag even more dirt against Trump out into the open and religitate all of his usual schemes and tactics in the public eye as well as any court of their choosing. No private arbitration. Trump is now a public figure and is of public concern because it now involves so many people who might be affected by his behavior as president so they now have a right to know.

  47. 47.

    FlipYrWhig

    @rikyrah: I just can’t believe they’re going with “when liberals say mean things it has tragic effects on the comity of the nation” when DONALD FUCKING TRUMP is currently president and every Republican campaign ad is about how Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi are devils.

  49. 49.

    SgrAstar

    @lamh36: really looking forward to hearing about your adventures! Donā€™t forget to take enough painkillers to control your knee pain if necessary. A friend of mine broke his leg on a hike, ate an entire bottle of Advil, and walked out. Not really recommended… :)

  51. 51.

    Steve in the ATL

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    ā€œBoy, he looks like he walked right out of Andrew Lloyd Webberā€™s costume department.ā€

    Is that whatā€™s been said about you?

  52. 52.

    Suzanne

    I got in a Facebook fight with a friend-of-a-friend (actually a friend-of-an-ex-who-can’t-let-go), who kept making easily verified factual inaccuracies. Me being me, and me feeling impish, I kept hammering him on it, and he got pissed, refused to admit he was wrong, said I was annoying and an asshole, this is why the Right hates the Left, said that I should learn to let go so I could have friends, the whole nine yards. Dude’s name is Aaron.

    I successfully resisted responding, “Ya done messed up, A-A-RON!” but now I kind of regret it.

  53. 53.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @efgoldman: I skipped vertually no classes in law school: OTOH, I never took trial practice. My legal education was appellate and/or academic in orientation.

  55. 55.

    Calouste

    @randy khan: I can see it being pretty easy for the shitgibbon to sue Daniels and Avenatti, and bankrupt both himself and Melania.

  56. 56.

    efgoldman

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I skipped vertually no classes in law school

    I understand that Distraction and misdirection.was only taught at Harvard and Cooley.

  59. 59.

    randy khan

    @Calouste:

    I can see it being pretty easy for the shitgibbon to sue Daniels and Avenatti, and bankrupt both himself and Melania.

    That is, if Melania does’t divorce him first.

  62. 62.

    Roger Moore

    @mai naem mobile:

    I think you could pay off your mortgage with the proceeds.

    IIRC, Mr. Cole doesn’t have a mortgage; he bought his house at a foreclosure auction.

  66. 66.

    catclub

    @Amir Khalid:

    before she starts in tongue-bathing my face and scalp.

    The cat with the very sharp tongue as a kitten, still has a very sharp tongue, especially when licking my head.

  67. 67.

    satby

    @captnkurt: deepest condolences captnkurt! These sudden losses are the hardest because you aren’t prepared. Django looks happy and loved in his pictures, especially snuggling with his blanket. You gave him that, and that’s all they want or need. May you and your family be comforted in time.

  68. 68.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Her serene highness wakes me in the morning for her first five treats of the day (there’s a bowl of kibble that she pointedly ignores without having an appetizer first) in the following manner:

    1. Sit on chest.
    2. If that fails to work, scratch on furniture
    3. Repeat as needed.

  69. 69.

    Aleta

    We call that stare his mind control practice. Until a few months ago he’d offer a couple of pleasantries to soften the wake up call. A fantastic purr in my ear, and once in awhile a delicate scalp massage that was nice. The last six months the gloves have come off, claws all the way out. Not good. If he keeps escalating and I perish, there will be no one around to open his cans, and I hope he’s sorry then.

  70. 70.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @captnkurt: Oh, Django was a good boy. He’s chasing butterflies in a sunny field right now, though. Deep condolences to you and yours…it’s never easy losing a companion like Django.

  71. 71.

    OldDave

    @captnkurt: Sorry to hear of your unexpected and sudden loss. This has not been a fun few weeks for those of us with four legged friends and family. May your memories be of the good times.

  72. 72.

    Aardvark Cheeselog

    I’m glad to see he’s recovered his dignity. It works well with the lion cut.

  73. 73.

    NotMax

    If you didn’t want him to do this stuff, you’d take the time to train him not to.

    Q.E.D.

    (Just finished 3+ hours of mowing, so may be a touch on the cranky side.)

  78. 78.

    jl

    Sorry Cole, I can’t do anything about some blegs out here on the Left Coast.
    Someone from around Pitts area will have to swing by and save you.
    Put up a paypal for the hospital bill, if you survive.

    Why do you let feral bobcats inside your house anyway? It’s going to F up your dainty new indoor decor.

    Thanks for nice Steve petpix.

  79. 79.

    Ella in New Mexico

    Cats are fuckos. Itā€™s part of the bargain for the fact they come home every night. As my four say ā€œDeal with it, Hooman.ā€

  80. 80.

    jl

    Since open thread, here is Krugman saying what Dave Dick Mayhew said a few days ago on Trump’s make Big PhRMA rich again drug proposals. Krugman has supply and demand diagrams (I guess those are two mundane for dukies). I don’t think Krugman’s column is wonkish for anyone who remembers anything from Econ 101, and BJ has a erudite commentariate.

    Whatā€™s Good for Pharma Isnā€™t Good for America (Wonkish)
    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/12/opinion/whats-good-for-pharma-isnt-good-for-america-wonkish.html

  81. 81.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @jl: For a guy who has a bachelor’s from Wharton, it’s very obvious Donald learned nothing at all.

  83. 83.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @efgoldman: He surely (ha! I crack myself up some times) must have absorbed SOMETHING from all those classes he slept through. He received a bachelor of science in finance from U Penn. His claim to “Wharton” is more idiocy like claiming Trump Tower has 10 more floors than it actually has.

    His claims for honors have been thoroughly debunked.

  84. 84.

    jl

    If a commenter will kindly provide me with an ‘all clear’ I’ll read the post.
    In the past, posts with similar titles and subject matter have included lurid tales of Cole’s pets eagerly leaping with joy to gulp down rivers of his hot freely flowing blood.
    Those scare me, especially when it’s too close to my bedtime.

  85. 85.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @jl: I’m reminded of a line from the Newhart finale: “Ok, that settles it. No more Japanese food for you before going to bed.”

  90. 90.

    Amir Khalid

    @jl:
    Steve must be really hungry then, if he’s still menacing John Cole to give him food.

  101. 101.

    rekoob

    @captnkurt:
    As a rower and dog lover, I’m very sorry to hear about Django. I hope you can take some solace in knowing that you were both actively engaged in doing what you loved. The photos were adorable, and while he’s gone too soon, a great life.

  102. 102.

    No Drought No More

    ā€œYou go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.ā€

    The great weasel Donald Rumsfeld said that, of course, in casting unjust shade on the Clinton administration when the 2003 plot to war began to unravel for all to see.

    No doubt because Rumsfeld purports to be a disciple of Winston Churchill, I was struck by its similarity to another quote I read today, one made by General Kitchner and cited by Churchill in the second volume of his WW1 memoirs*.

    Quoting Kitchner per the report, Churchill noted it read: “There is”, he said, “a great deal of truth in what Mr. Churchill has said, but unfortunately we have to make war as we must and not as we should like to”.

    It’s likely Rumsfeld is familiar with that quote, too. Naturally (very naturally), he twisted it’s meaning in the telling. Still, it did occur to him, and I suspect in frustration, because events at that point restrained him from enlarging the War in Iraq to include a war upon Iran. Even before the great unraveling began, Rumsfeld wanted to wage his war in the middle east as it was indisputably within the power of a nuclear armed United States to wage. At the very least, does any American seriously doubt the topic wasn’t broached, albeit ultimately rejected?

    Lest We Forget: The bad actors of the Bush-Cheney administration remain unrepentant in 2018 of their great crime. Indeed, they remain proud of it.

    In effect, they’ve challenged the democratic party to call them out on it for the past 15 years. Suffice to note, the democratic party has by and large observed radio silence on the matter.

    Lest we forget, either, the very same scum that sought an enlarged war in Iran a decade ago still thirst for it today. And Donald Trump, while certainly not their beau ideal of a president, is nonetheless is OK with them, too.

    By my lights, the nomination of Gina Haspel to head the CIA is the same challenge issued by the same republican scum to the same democratic party. It does not matter that the woman is a bona fide, sick in the head, motherfucking TORTURER. She’s their kind of people, you see, a true blue republican. And her nomination simply represents the latest in a long string of indignities heaped upon timid democrats by the republican party. Obviously, or so I hope, it’s past time democrats across the board picked up that gauntlet, and tossed back into the teeth of the rotten bastards. After all, what else does anyone need to know about them to recognize them for what they are?

    *(The World Crisis 1915; pg. 490).

  104. 104.

    Anne Laurie

    I had a pure-black, Siamese-cross cat who would run his whiskers across my eyelashes. *That* will wake you out of the deepest sleep, this side of a coma…

  105. 105.

    jl

    @No Drought No More: IIRC that Rummy quote was reused quite a bit by the GOPers. I think the original comment was just a damned lie by Rummy, since the military had resources to help with the occupation and reconstruction, but Rummy thought they were unneeded sissy crap. Hell, he could go out and get college kids who won an award as great speakers at the greater Omaha Collegiate Model Chamber of Commerce (hypothetical example) who would do better.

    Then it got reused by depraved GOPers to justify grinding the troops down into a paste of blood and ground bones with repeated deployments. Hell, according the the GOPer filth, those enlisted chumps in the military signed a contract and the fed could do as they damned please with their lives. They were, for all practical purposes, slaves of the Cheney and Dub’s and Congress’ whim. Like a cheap garden tool you could use and abuse until it broke into pieces, then curse, and throw into the garbage.

    Every time I hear that saying of Rummy’s a wave of disgust runs through me.

  109. 109.

    Ruckus

    Worst cat I slept with belonged to an ex. That cat was actually a pretty good cat with one exception. He liked to sleep on my ankles/feet. As this would seem to be rather uncomfortable I always imagined he did this because I didn’t like it. And also I was the one who had to get up at 3am to let him out for his nightly business. And because this was in snow country I’d have to be there to let him back in as soon as he desired.

  110. 110.

    Ruckus

    @jl:
    They would have been drawn and quartered by the public if they had tried to reinstate the draft so using and abusing the troops was their only possibility. Of course if they hadn’t been so cravenly stupid and arrogant they would have listened to the military when told that what they were trying to do was impossible with the number of troops, equipment and time given. But then that’s the republican party and it’s worse today than 15 yrs ago.

  113. 113.

    Amir Khalid

    I think Bianca has learned that if she takes a nap lying on my leg, I can’t get up and take a noisy guitar to practice with. She knows I’m not keen on disturbing her. She’s had me pinned down for the past half an hour.

  114. 114.

    Gin & Tonic

    Good morning from Bergen, Norway. Looks like it might be just me and Amir Khalid here, as I finish my coffee and get ready for the drive to Stavanger.

  117. 117.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Aleta: Probably spelled Ƙtr or some weird thing. I canā€™t figure out all the vowel markings, like whatā€™s the difference between Ƥ and Ć„? Since nearly everyone speaks English it doesnā€™t matter very much.

  120. 120.

    NeenerNeener

    @captnkurt: This is probably a dead thread now, but my condolences on the loss of Django. He looks just like my my brother’s dog, Caylee, who is part Whippet and part possibly German Shepherd just based on the ears.

  121. 121.

    SFAW

    @captnkurt:
    So sorry to hear about the loss your beautiful puppy.

    Thanks for the photos. I especially liked the one where you’re rubbing his belly, and he looks like he’s saying “I’ll give you two — no, make that three — hours to stop that.”

  122. 122.

    WaterGirl

    Your photos seem to capture his spirit. They are heartbreakingly wonderful. I am so sorry for your loss.

  124. 124.

    captnkurt

    @WaterGirl: Thanks for your comment (and everyone else who was kind enough to send along their well-wishes). He was A Good Boy.

    It was shocking (young, no previous health issues, just took a nap on our bed, never woke up). I found this online this morning, which made me start crying all over again.

    Dogs never die. They donā€™t know how to. They get tired, and very old, and their bones hurt. Of course they donā€™t die. If they did they would not want to always go for a walk, even long after their old bones say: ‘No, no, not a good idea. Let’s not go for a walk.’ Nope, dogs always want to go for a walk. They might get one step before their aging tendons collapse them into a heap on the floor, but that’s what dogs are. They walk.

    Itā€™s not that they dislike your company. On the contrary, a walk with you is all there is. Their boss, and the cacaphonic symphony of odor that the world is. Cat poop, another dogā€™s mark, a rotting chicken bone (exultation), and you. Thatā€™s what makes their world perfect, and in a perfect world death has no place.

    However, dogs get very very sleepy. Thatā€™s the thing, you see. They don’t teach you that at the fancy university where they explain about quarks, gluons, and Keynesian economics. They know so much they forget that dogs never die. Itā€™s a shame, really. Dogs have so much to offer and people just talk a lot.

    When you think your dog has died, it has just fallen asleep in your heart. And by the way, it is wagging its tail madly, you see, and thatā€™s why your chest hurts so much and you cry all the time. Who would not cry with a happy dog wagging its tail in their chest. Ouch! Wap wap wap wap wap, that hurts. But they only wag when they wake up. Thatā€™s when they say: ‘Thanks Boss! Thanks for a warm place to sleep and always next to your heart, the best place.’

    When they first fall asleep, they wake up all the time, and thatā€™s why, of course, you cry all the time. Wap, wap, wap. After a while they sleep more. (remember, a dog while is not a human while. You take your dog for walk, itā€™s a day full of adventure in an hour. Then you come home and it’s a week, well one of your days, but a week, really, before the dog gets another walk. No WONDER they love walks.)

    Anyway, like I was saying, they fall asleep in your heart, and when they wake up, they wag their tail. After a few dog years, they sleep for longer naps, and you would too. They were a GOOD DOG all their life, and you both know it. It gets tiring being a good dog all the time, particularly when you get old and your bones hurt and you fall on your face and donā€™t want to go outside to pee when it is raining but do anyway, because you are a good dog. So understand, after they have been sleeping in your heart, they will sleep longer and longer.

    But donā€™t get fooled. They are not ‘dead.’ Thereā€™s no such thing, really. They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when youā€™re not expecting it. Itā€™s just who they are.”

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