Has Floriduh! Man been busy? Of course Floriduh! Man has been busy! What are you, a wise guy???
First up, fun and games down on the farm!
Florida Man Jailed for Assault With Tractor https://t.co/HHQjs1TN8j pic.twitter.com/WQ3NsBI7ow
— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) July 11, 2018
From WFLA TV Channel 8:
ST. JOHNS COUNTY, Fla. (WESH) — A St. Johns County, Florida, man has been jailed on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.
Deputies say Howell Morris, 72, chased down his neighbor on a tractor last month.
The bizarre incident was filmed by the neighbor’s wife.
In the video you can see a man running from the tractor.
It’s all good fun until someone is turned into mulch…
Next up Floriduh! Man misplaces his gator.
Police Say Florida Man Left Alligator at Wawa Gas Station https://t.co/pkyj1rt4pd pic.twitter.com/8fgCEmfr7V
— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) June 23, 2018
Take it away ABC Action News:
LAKEWOOD RANCH, Fla. (AP) — Florida authorities are searching for two suspects after an injured alligator was dumped in a Wawa store.
Manatee County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Dave Bristow as saying the department was alerted to the alligator around 2:30 a.m. Friday. Bristow says the department was told two people had dropped off a three-foot (1-meter) alligator at the Lakewood Ranch convenience store.
“It wasn’t that big, but inside of a store, anything like that is too big,” said customer Fred Stange.
Deputies alerted the Fish and Wildlife Commission, which sent a trapper who removed the gator.
Justin Matthews is a Manatee County wildlife expert. He said the case is rare, but alligators are on the move during June.
“This is mating season for them, the best thing to do is just leave them alone,” said Matthews.
Does Floriduh! Man listen to Alex Jones? Of course Floriduh! Man listens to Alex Jones…
52-year-old Nicholas Licausi will face a judge after being arrested for a fake bomb threat. Thank you, @VolusiaSheriff, for your excellent work! https://t.co/XVXpc9G9s3 pic.twitter.com/CUsFCrjpzU
— Florida Sheriffs (@FLSheriffs) July 5, 2018
WFTV ABC Channel 9 come on down!
DELTONA, Fla. – A Deltona man peacefully surrendered Tuesday evening after claiming he planted a bomb at the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office before barricading himself in his home, deputies said.
Deputies said they were called at about 6:30 p.m. to a home on North Worthington Drive near Fort Smith Boulevard and Newmark Drive after the anonymous threat was called in.
Investigators said they also received photos of a cellphone bomb.
Deputies said they saw Nicholas Licausi, 52, wearing a backpack as he closed a mailbox and ran into the home, deputies said. When deputies made contact with Licausi, he told them his neighbor had planted a device outside that was shooting microwaves into his brain, deputies said.
Neighboring homes were evacuated and several nearby streets were closed, investigators said.
The Sheriff’s Office’s bomb squad was called to the home. Deputies and bomb squad units searched the home but did not find any explosive materials. The item Licausi claimed was a bomb was actually an electrical box on a pole, deputies said.
Licausi was treated at the scene for tear gas exposure and minor lacerations, deputies said. He was treated at Halifax Health before being taken to the Volusia County Branch Jail on $10,500 bond.
We end with an example of Floriduh! Man that has everything that makes Florida Floriduh! Really old people, guns, church, and sex!
LACOOCHEE, Fla. (AP) — Investigators in Florida say a 91-year-man thought a pastor was involved with his ex-girlfriend, so he went to the church and confronted them with a gun.
An arrest report says Pasco County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Cornelius Jones following the Saturday afternoon incident at New Bethel AME Church in Lacoochee. He is charged with aggravated assault.
Investigators say the ex-girlfriend still lives with Jones. Jones wanted to know why she was at the church and the pastor approached them when he heard Jones’ voice.
That’s when investigators say Jones stood up, held the handgun above his head and threatened the pastor. The report said the pastor and three women went into his office and called 911.
Jail records don’t list a lawyer for Jones.
Stay freaky!
Open thread.
NotMax
Maybe we can arrange for Florida to be towed further out to sea…
West of the Rockies
I’m guessing that was more running than that old boy has done in 25 years.
Mike in NC
Our friends in Land O Lakes (named after a brand of butter?) swear that Florida is the weirdest place they’ve ever lived. Ten years there, including Naples.
Adam L Silverman
@Mike in NC: There’s no connection between the butter and the town in Florida.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@NotMax: Climate Change should take care of that.
Just One More Canuck
@Mike in NC: that’s what happens when you live in America’s wang
gene108
I find those episodes a bit tame for Floriduh! man.
Outside of the alligator at the Wawa, they could’ve happened anywhere.
YetAnotherJay formerly (Jay S)
So this was just a neighborly “get off my lawn”? What intent did he have?
Elizabelle
Good lookin’ gator.
MagdaInBlack
https://twitter.com/theori/status/1017581577079910402
I’m not ashamed to say i found this to be a beautiful thing.
(Please god let that link work)
oatler.
@Mike in NC: Same here! I know a few things because I’ve seen a few things (in Delray Beach). No desire to return. Bumbadumpabumbumbum
MagdaInBlack
(Did not intend to be so OT…just needed to share my uncivil joy)
ETA: 2 old men fighting over coochee in LaCoochee…..nice.
NotMax
“Nothing runs like a Deere.”
Except the person being chased.
Shell
So….intent to bruise?
Adam L Silverman
@Shell: Intent to perforate in a less than lethal manner.
Jager
Speaking of old folks. One of my friends walked his MIL down the aisle and gave her away, she was 84 and the groom was 83. At the reception, after a few cocktails and toasts the new husband leaned over to my friend and said, “I fell in love Lydia the first time we took a shower together.”
Adam L Silverman
There have been a lot of dumb takes today, this has to rank right up there:
Shell
Both romantic and a friend to the environment!
Mary G
I thought the Tennessee Man I linked to in the last thread was auditioning for the Florida big leagues:
chris
For the Whovians among us my favourite thing from today’s protests in Britain. Dalek Trump invades Westminster!
More info and video, with Theresa CyberMay and Secret Sevice agents armed with plungers, here.
Luthe
They have Wawa in Florida? I’m jealous!
*grumbles about the lack of Wawa north of 287*
West of the Rockies
@gene108:
They could have happened anywhere. They DID happen in Florida.
Adam L Silverman
Oh goody!
Yarrow
@Adam L Silverman: What could possibly go wrong?
Adam L Silverman
@Yarrow: From the article, apparently nothing so far. But a number of very senior elected and appointed officials in Maryland have their hair on fire right now.
Starfish
ArchPundit
When the guy is chasing you with a tractor, you have to weave in and out of the trees to slow him down. Everyone knows that.
Adam L Silverman
@Starfish: That one felt icky because the guy is disabled, so I left it out. I actually had video of the attack I could’ve posted too.
NotMax
@ArchPundit
Serpentine!
;)
Waynski
Open thread right? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5ba1OKY7Xc
jl
So, the pastor was in a foursome in the church, with three women? Wow. That is some Floriduhpastor for you.
raptusregaliter
Ok, so I know this is a dead thread now, but that alligator pic is mondo creepy. I can see now that it’s an old man holding the gator, but at first glance it looks like somebody photoshopped a gator emerging from lady parts. Made me do a serious double-take.
DonL140
Thank you, Adam for your efforts. I enjoy reading them.
How can Trump go through with this meeting? I doubt anyone can explain that.
Aardvark Cheeselog
The one about guy concerned with microwaves being beamed into his head is not fucking funny.
If we lived in a non-shithole country there would be some kind of help for people like this, before they did something to get into the criminal injustice system.