Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Mediocre white men think RFK Jr’s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, it’s subterranean.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

If ‘weird’ was the finish line, they ran through the tape and kept running.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

All hail the time of the bunny!

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Dear elected officials: Trump is temporary, dishonor is forever.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Birthday Party

Birthday Party

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So Tuesday was both dad and Gerald’s birthday, so we had a surprise party for both of them tonight and successfully surprised both of them. Dad just thought he was coming over for dinner, and Gerald thought I had broken something and he was coming over to help me fix it. Meanwhile, Tammy, Landrea, the kids and I decorated the house and got everything ready:

My dad is Rosie’s favorite person- she just melts for him when she is a snarling hellbeast with a lot of other people, which fuels my theory that irascible cranks attract each other:

There was spaghetti, garlic bread, salad, and most importantly, cake and ice cream:

Team picture:

The traditional blowing up the candles:

The dogs were invited too:

Dad, realizing his picture was being taken a lot by yours truly at one point blurted out “These pictures aren’t going up on the internet and that damned blog are they? I never signed a waiver. I will sue and take you down.” So let’s go out in a blaze of glory.

Mom and dad have gone home, and I think Gerald and Landrea are not far behind. The kids and I are going to have movie night and maybe eat more ice cream which I can tell you because their parents do not read the blog.

Reader Interactions

155Comments

  2. 2.

    Major Major Major Major

    Happy birthday Gerald and Mr. Cole!

    House looks great, but I’m worried the willow is too close to that cake.

  3. 3.

    FlyingToaster

    Happy Birthday to Gerald and Mr. Cole, as well.

    Post when you need money for lawyers. We’ll cover you. It’s be worth it.

  6. 6.

    JWL

    Cole, I calculate that your house and yard would easily fetch $3 million in San Francisco.

  7. 7.

    Yarrow

    That is awesome! Happy birthday to Dad Cole and Gerald! Look at that photo with Rosie! That’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her. Your dad truly is the Rosie whisperer.

  14. 14.

    California Stars

    Your house looks great. (And family too!)
    Love those robin’s egg blue walls.

  19. 19.

    Josie

    I love that picture of Rosie with your Dad. She knows who is the man. Happy birthday to both guys.

  20. 20.

    Mary G

    Happy Birthday Papa Cole and Gerald. I’ve only had one surprise birthday party in my life, because I was born on Christmas Eve, but it shocked and scared me so much when the jumping out and screaming happened that I nearly had a heart attack and the adrenaline lasted a couple of days.

    Your house looks great, and so good to see Rosie loving on your dad. Did Thurston keep the green party hat on longer than 10 seconds?

    Do whatever you have to do to pay your dad off, because I cannot live without Balloon Juice in my life right now.

  21. 21.

    JPL

    @debit: As lovely as the house is now, I think that Walter finding a home to be loved was the best gift of all. He didn’t have much time, but he discovered a special feeling that he had not known before.

  26. 26.

    NotMax

    Fresca? Really?

    “The soda pop of last resort.”

    :)

    (Would’ve laughed like a hyena if the cake sported green balloons rather than red.)

  27. 27.

    ixnay

    How is it possible to be so emotionally attached to a bunch of folks I have never met? Happy birthday aand un-birthday to everyone.

  29. 29.

    Major Major Major Major

    @NotMax: a very good friend of mine always had 2-liters of Fresca in the fridge, back in his stoner 20’s.

    Now, in his stoner 30’s, it’s Coke Zero…

  30. 30.

    Mnemosyne

    I’m sitting in a restaurant in Denver eating pizza and wondering which “X-Files” is on their teevee. (It’s Osteria Marco, if anyone cares.)

    After this, I wander off to see if I can get a couple of bottles of beer to bring home for G.

  31. 31.

    Major Major Major Major

    @Mnemosyne: “I’m sitting in a restaurant in Denver eating pizza and wondering which “X-Files” is on their teevee. (It’s Osteria Marco, if anyone cares.)”

    I care much more about figuring out the X-Files episode.

  33. 33.

    Miss Bianca

    OMG, Thurston in a party hat is break-the-Internet cute. Rosie and Dad is right up there, too.

  34. 34.

    Shell

    A very Happy Birthday to your dad. I love that pic of him and Rosie; they both have the same tender look.

  41. 41.

    trollhattan

    @JWL:
    To be fair you can replace “house and yard” with “shipping container” and still be correct. Nevertheless casa Cole has turned out great and was well worth the sweat and credit card bills.

  45. 45.

    Yarrow

    @NotMax: There are some green balloons in the corner of one of the pictures.

    @Mnemosyne: Got enough room in your luggage to check the beer? Can’t carry it on if it’s glass.

  48. 48.

    MomSense

    @JPL:

    Wasn’t that something?! Of course John bought a house that came with a stray dog. And then those sweet photos of Walter crossing paws with Debit’s lab looking so content and cozy.

  50. 50.

    SiubhanDuinne

    “These pictures aren’t going up on the internet and that damned blog are they? I never signed a waiver. I will sue and take you down.”

    Oh, John, your dad is priceless. PRICE. LESS. If your mother ever decides to up and walk out on him, let me know.

  53. 53.

    eemom

    SO lovely! And that pic of your Dad and Rosie is just to die for. ❤️❤️❤️

    Needless to say, I’ll represent you pro bono in the lawsuit.

  54. 54.

    NotMax

    @Gin & Tonic

    From TSA:

    You are allowed to bring a quart-sized bag of liquids, aerosols, gels, creams and pastes in your carry-on bag and through the checkpoint. These are limited to travel-sized containers that are 3.4 ounces (100 milliliters) or less per item. Placing these items in the small bag and separating from your carry-on baggage facilitates the screening process. Pack items that are in containers larger than 3.4 ounces or 100 milliliters in checked baggage.

  60. 60.

    Cermet

    Great party! But I never knew or believed anyone really did wear a party hat – just thought it was a movie thing – wow!

  61. 61.

    Gin & Tonic

    @NotMax: I’ve never seen 100ml containers of beer; maybe it’s different out in the middle of the ocean where you are.

  62. 62.

    satby

    Belated Happy Birthday to Gerald and Mr. Cole even though they don’t read the blog to see the good wishes.
    I agree, your dad and Rosie obviously adore each other.
    You just must not be grumpy enough yet, John.

  63. 63.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Yarrow: If my wife went on a trip and brought back some empty beer bottles, we’d have a conversation. Maybe Mnem has a different sort of relationship.

  66. 66.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Major Major Major Major: I’m so old I can not only remember “airline bottles” of booze, I can remember when “airline bottles” were all that were allowed to be served in alcohol-serving establishments in South Carolina.

  71. 71.

    geg6

    Oh, I love this! Happy birthday to Papa Cole and Gerald! ? Rosie and your dad are obviously in lurve. So great.

    But my boy THURSTON!!!! in the party hat is killing me. I just can’t. The cuteness is fatal.

  73. 73.

    Yarrow

    @Gin & Tonic: Some people are collectors. The dad of a kid I grew up with collected beer cans. He didn’t drink, although I think he used to. He had a shelf running all around the wall of the den, about a foot below the ceiling. It was kind of interesting as a kid to see all the various beer cans.

  75. 75.

    NotMax

    @Gin & Tonic

    Negatory on beer, but the airline-sized bottles of booze are A-OK. Already have some at the ready to be packed for the NY trip.

    Smallest bottle of beer I’ve ever seen in the U.S. was Samuel Adams Triple Bock, smaller (IIRC) than the Rolling Rock pony bottles. with the rise of micro and mini-micro breweries, the landscape may have changed.

  76. 76.

    Mnemosyne

    @lamh36:

    Good luck! Remember, you don’t have to actually solve the math problems — just do enough to figure out which answer is correct. That’s where G kept getting bogged down.

  77. 77.

    NotMax

    @Major Major Major Major

    Only make the one trip annually, but have never had any problems bringing airline size bottles along for the ride. Can readily buy a variety of brands and types of spirits in that size at the liquor mart.

  78. 78.

    Gin & Tonic

    @NotMax: I went to what I’d call a mini-micro brewery this afternoon. They’re open 12-8 on Fridays and 1-4 on Saturdays, and the limit per purchaser is two 4-packs. All they sell is 16-ounce cans.

  79. 79.

    Mnemosyne

    @Yarrow:

    Please, like this is my first time buying souvenir beer. ? OF COURSE it’s going in checked luggage!

    I ended up buying Man Beer. Seriously, that’s what it’s called. I was limited because I didn’t want to buy a whole 6-pack, just a couple of bottles.

  80. 80.

    HRA

    Happy Birthday to your Dad and Gerald. The photos were very nice and loved the one of your Dad and Rosie.

  81. 81.

    jl

    Thanks for heartwarming post. I misted up a little at the pic of the two irascible cranks canoodling.

  83. 83.

    Amir Khalid

    @Gin & Tonic:
    One of your traditional American songs comes to mind: “100ml bottles of beer on the wall, 100ml bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around …”

  87. 87.

    NotMax

    @Gin & Tonic

    Good read about the ancient McSorley’s Ale House in NYC, where the choices are McSorley’s Light and McSorley’s Dark. Standard when you ask for beer is to receive two mugs at a time. A single mug can be ordered – it will immediately brand one a neophyte, and it costs significantly more than half of getting two does. Oh, and strictly cash only. No plastic.

  92. 92.

    Gin & Tonic

    @NotMax: I’ve been to McSorley’s many, many times. I’m so old I can remember when it was men-only. As it says in the window, “We were here before you were born.”

  93. 93.

    NotMax

    Finally got an e-mail today from Amazon that the stuff ordered on Monday has shipped (includes the Kindle for Mom). Cutting it real, real close. UPS supposed to deliver it Tuesday; I leave on Tuesday night. Jackal paws crossed.

  94. 94.

    Major Major Major Major

    @chris: I mean, let’s not get too far ahead of our skis here… my life is still a little crazy! But I’m drawing as I’m able.

    @NotMax: Typing right now from my new keyboard! The luxury!

  97. 97.

    Major Major Major Major

    @chris: Oh gosh, any minute now I’m sure, just gotta get that new job first. Next in-person interview is August 6.

    @NotMax: Yep, right now I have it set to light up a key after I press it on about a five-second fadeout.

  99. 99.

    NotMax

    @Major Major Major Major

    Logged into WoW for only a few minutes today – to get the new pre-expansion patch – 18GB – loaded and take a quick peek around inside. MAJOR (no pun intended) stats squish this time.

  100. 100.

    RoonieRoo

    The pic of your dad and Rosie just nails me straight in the heart. The look they are giving each other is pure beauty and love.

  101. 101.

    seaboogie

    John – it’s a small thing to note, but I really love how your home photos in the dining room often feature a vase of fresh flowers; you have this “making a home” thing sorted out very nicely in the gracious details.

  102. 102.

    Major Major Major Major

    @NotMax: I usually either jump in with a new class or wait until everyone settles down following such big game-changing… game changes.

  108. 108.

    NotMax

    @Mnemosyne

    If you store a bottle of Man next to a bottle of Dos Equis and leave them alone, maybe you’ll get a passel of baby beers!

  109. 109.

    Mnemosyne

    So the conference has been pretty great. I was in a 2-hour session with Damon Suede that was HUGELY helpful. I also ran into the editor who saved my life at last year’s conference (literally — she was the one who heimliched me) and gave her my new card. She is also TaMara’s editor since I referred her.

  112. 112.

    NotMax

    @Major Major Major Major

    This is billed as a gaming mouse but as it lacks all the extra buttons the design is much more of an everyday mouse, IMHO. When my mouse died last year, took a chance on it and am extremely happy with it, on top of the affordable price. Better by far than the one it replaced, excellent responsiveness and very comfortable to grasp, too.

    Doesn’t advertise as being Win 10 compatible (I use 7) but IIRC you use a Mac, so it ought to be hunky dory insofar as that goes.

  114. 114.

    stinger

    That photo of Mr. Cole Sr. and Rosie is my new favorite picture in the world. Thanks for letting all us strangers into your life, JG.

  117. 117.

    Doug R

    @Mnemosyne:

    I’m sitting in a restaurant in Denver eating pizza and wondering which “X-Files” is on their teevee. (It’s Osteria Marco, if anyone cares.)

    After this, I wander off to see if I can get a couple of bottles of beer to bring home for G.

    TV Guide suggests it’s “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space” with Charles Nelson Reilly.
    Season 3, so it’s shot in Beautiful British Columbia.

  120. 120.

    Doug R

    @Amir Khalid: Actually talked to Tom Braidwood (Frohike) on an elevator in Vancouver. Tried to keep the gushing to a minimum-mentioned how much I loved their heroic deaths in the back door episode of Lone Gunmen-“Jump The Shark”.

  123. 123.

    Steeplejack

    @Major Major Major Major:

    After going through a lot of mice, I really like my current Logitech M510. It’s big, which I like for resting my hand on it, and it has a “clicky” scroll wheel, rather than smooth (cog wheel?). Has pretty fine resolution, but I don’t do fine graphics work or big-time gaming.

  125. 125.

    Chacal Charles Calthrop

    @eemom: yeah, there’s more than one lawyeron this site, including several high powered litigators. I wouldn’t worry about anyone threatening litigation here.

  126. 126.

    Mike in NC

    @NotMax: I recently rewatched the 1998 movie the “The Thin Red Line” and it has held up hell over the years.

  127. 127.

    Steeplejack

    @efgoldman:

    I stick with old stuff that works, but I went through a phase where I could not find a mouse that didn’t bug me in some way. Dunno how long I’ve had this one. Several years, at least.

  130. 130.

    Mnemosyne

    @Doug R:

    It definitely was NOT “José Chung,” which is one of my all-time favorites. It was on at 6 pm Denver time, if that helps. No idea what channel it was.

  134. 134.

    Mnemosyne

    @Doug R:

    I didn’t recognize any guest stars. ? The guy who seemed to be the guest star was a youngish (early 30s) white guy with dark curly hair and round glasses. Kind of Steve Jobs hippie-looking.

  136. 136.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I give “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose” the slight edge because of the Buster Keaton in-jokes. It’s also the only episode of the show to ever win an Emmy, and it won 2 (best guest actor for Peter Boyle and best script for Darin Morgan).

  137. 137.

    stinger

    @geg6: Thurston in his green hat, and Sam in a pink hat!

    How come nobody talks about Sam in her pink hat??

  139. 139.

    SectionH

    Aww, wow – Happy Birthday to the Birthday Boys! Loved the pix, John. Esp. of Rosie and your Dad.

    We just finished celebrating Mr S and his youngest brother’s joint birthday (Trinity Day, blast off for the Moon Day, and a few other notable things). Their family also had their middle brother and their Mom sharing a birthday.

  141. 141.

    Steeplejack

    @NotMax:

    Yes, wireless. My current setup is a small Lenovo notebook with a (wired) Das Keyboard, an Oontz speaker and the M510 mouse. Don’t need another cord winding around the area to go 12" to the computer.

    I am feeling better, thanks. I’ve been sleeping a lot in two- or three-hour blocks, and DayQuil Severe, despite the Idiocracy-level name, is the bomb. Has a decongestant that the regular DayQuil doesn’t. I still have a fair amount of congestion, but the coughing is a lot less.

  145. 145.

    Major Major Major Major

    @Doug R: I like Humbug and Bad Blood a lot, as well as Chung’s and Final Repose. (I am aware that only 2.5 of these are by Morgan.)

  147. 147.

    Steeplejack

    @seaboogie:

    Thanks. Just had a nagging dry cough that morphed into a full-on cold early this week. I think it’s about over.

  150. 150.

    Bess

    Wireless Logitech thumbwheel for me. I can easily move it around giving my arm a break from always having to be in a flat surface area. I can stand up and hold the TW in one hand, operate with the other or rest the TW on the back of my chair.

    It gives me a lot more control when editing pictures than what I can do with a mouse.

    I also use a Logitech wireless keyboard and often put the keyboard in my lap. By moving keyboard and TW around I avoid the pain of repetitive motion which turns up if I do the fixed position keyboard stuff.

  152. 152.

    something fabulous

    @lamh36: Probably dead thread by now but f you happen by: Fingers crossed on GRE! and TAKE THE TRIP!

  153. 153.

    Mnemosyne

    @Major Major Major Major:

    FWIW, “Bad Blood” is Vince Gilligan imitating Darin Morgan (or, more politely, paying tribute to him).

    If you remember the episode that starts with the woman in labor saying that her baby’s father is Luke Skywalker, but the baby is born with a tail, the shape-shifting perp is played by Morgan and the episode is another Gilligan tribute to Morgan’s style.

  154. 154.

    Amir Khalid

    @Mnemosyne:

    the episode that starts with the woman in labor saying that her baby’s father is Luke Skywalker

    Small Potatoes from season 4.

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