Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

T R E 4 5 O N

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

I really should read my own blog.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Presidents are not kings, and Plaintiff is not President.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Infrastructure week. at last.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

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Reader Interactions

48Comments

  7. 7.

    Old Dan and Little Anne

    My local grocery store is right next door to my house. I have a Google maps screen shot proving they are only 2 miles apart, also, too.

  8. 8.

    Mnemosyne

    I assumed that you posted what you did because you knew you were wrong but needed other people to say it first so you could grumble about it.

  9. 9.

    VeniceRiley

    Next door literally means … the next door. Not the door down the street. Sorry, Cole. I hope when you stand in line for an hour and the cashier/clerk/whatever says “next” you don’t freak out when the guy five in line … um, DOWNLINE from you just waltzes up like he doesn’t understand the meaning of NEXT.

    Thanks for the funny story though.

  10. 10.

    agoqthe_bago

    My god, what kind of alien hellscape is that? There’s no people, no traffic, and there’s open street parking.

    That place makes it look like it’s crowded when walking the irradiated plains of Fallout.

  13. 13.

    J R in WV

    Not Steve kin the photo, and not next door, clear across an intersection!!!! so far not next door.

    But I still love you Cole, even though you think we suck.

  14. 14.

    RoonieRoo

    Late to the party but after reading the past two posts, I can definitely say your mom is right. It’s down the street.

  15. 15.

    Platonailedit

    Son-101.

    You never win with your mom. Especially one who knows what she is talking about.

  17. 17.

    scott alloway

    John. Let it be. I lived in the backwoods of Maine before I moved to Philadelphia. I still say just up the street when it’s a mile away. The locals don’t get it, but I know it’s just up the street.

  20. 20.

    chopper

    think about it this way, cole – you may not have been right, but you were right next to being right.

  21. 21.

    FlyingToaster

    I should point out that age is a thang, here.

    To me & HerrDoktor, this is right next door, even though it’s nearly a block away. I park farther than that to get to damn near anything (and I invite you to park a large minivan anywhere inside of 128 closer than two blocks to your destination. Seriously).

    To my 10-year-old WarriorGirl, this is a trek across the arid moonscape without provisions or extra oxygen bottles. And it’s Mom’s fault that she has to walk that far. (And if our destination is Ranc’s, we’re walking twice that far. Ya want ice cream, work for it.)

    To my mom, it’s time to call a taxi. That’s FAR too far to walk, at least in Florida heat. Or the frozen hellscape that is Boston (we were like 101° yesterday, but we’re the frozen hellscape. Remember that.)

    So from my strictly personal perspective, you’re both right.

  22. 22.

    Simon Taverner

    If I wanted to back a man making nonsensical arguments I’d be a Trump supporter.

  24. 24.

    Ruckus

    @Simon Taverner:
    OK LOL.

    I don’t think John understands that you can never win an argument with mom. You can storm out of the room, you can get yelled at, you can not eat your brussel sprouts, you can shave your head and leave a mohawk, but you can’t win an argument with mom. No matter how old you are. I think it’s possibly a natural law.

  34. 34.

    Mary G

    I love your mom. Maybe more than you. But not as much as Lily, Rosie, Thurston, and Steve. I read that thread two or three times just for the giggles. Thanks Mr. Grouchy.

    And my mom, from Austin, Texas, always said cater-corner.

  36. 36.

    JGabriel

    @VeniceRiley:

    Next door literally means … the next door.

    This is a Democratic political blog. Are we really going to limit ourselves to only using words by their literal meanings?

    Republicans don’t. Why do we have to?

  37. 37.

    JGabriel

    @Major Major Major Major:

    My iPhone (default settings) has me in blue on the right, other person in gray on the left. It sounds like people are reading it as *him* saying he’s winning though.

    Yeah, Skype’s messaging kind of the same way – other person on left, me on right. So I assumed it was Mom on the left, and John on the right.

    Also it’s funnier that way – Momma Cole is gloating.

  38. 38.

    JGabriel

    @WaterGirl:

    My outgoing texts always show up in the darker color and the incoming are lighter. She says he’s nuts and he calls her a lunatic. That’s my read, anyway.

    Sorry, Watergirl, but Momma Cole is clearly the one on the left.

    Re-read the first gray balloon:

    You are nuts. The bank is right next to the restaurant. Joyce’s is down the street.

    That’s what Momma Cole was saying all along, remember? John was the one arguing that Joyce’s was next door to the restaurant.

  44. 44.

    NonyNony

    I may not know much, but I know that when I get into an argument with my mom I’ve already lost. It really doesn’t matter if I’m right or not.

  45. 45.

    Barbara

    I stopped arguing with my mother in 2008 when she was an avid Clinton supporter and the rest of us were all in for Obama. It would be nice if she were still around to argue with.

    P.s. the bank is close by the restaurant.

  46. 46.

    Mom Says I*m Handsome

    A little late to the party, but this squabble reminded me of the episodes of Documentary Now with the Blue Jean Committee (S01E06 & 07, available on Netflix), where the studio engineers kept getting into arguments about Chicago geography. Very hilarious.

    Carry on.

  47. 47.

    joel hanes

    We’re Democrats, Cole, the famous circular firing squad.

    If you wanted people who would stand with you in solidarity when you’re egregiously wrong, you should have stuck with the Republicans.

  48. 48.

    Eric K

    Here is where I get all liberal and nuanced. It’s all in the context, here in a big city where there are blocks and blocks, covering miles with lots of barber shops and restaurants I’d describe them as next door since they are near the same intersection so if if I was telling someone how to find the new restaurant I could use the barbershop as the best known reference point. But in a small town that has a couple streets with businesses I’d say across the intersection from or something like that.

Comments are closed.