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You are here: Home / Today in Arguments With a Crazy Woman

Today in Arguments With a Crazy Woman

by John Cole|  August 8, 20187:28 pm| 204 Comments

This post is in: Clown Shoes

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My mother and I are currently engaged in a heated (not really, because she is wrong and crazy) dispute. A new restaurant opened up in the big city of Wellsburg called Dovetail Fire & Ale. It’s located where several other restaurants have been, but I think this one will last. I had delicious fish tacos for lunch today (I added the strips of jalapeno because well I don’t have to justify myself to you people):

But I digress. The other day, somehow the new restaurant came up in a conversation with my mom that mercifully did not include any discussion of the Pittsburgh Pirates, and she asked where it was and neither of us could remember the name of the two previous restaurants (which could explain why they went out of business), and I said “Oh you know where it is, it’s right next to Joyce’s.” Joyce, fyi, is the barber (barberess? She’s not a hairdresser because she doesn’t do women’s hair never mind this does not matter) I have been going to for the past decade.

My mother then stated- “That’s not right next door, it’s down the street.” I responded “whatever, it’s right next to it, like fifty yards away” and she said “It’s half a block a way it’s not right next to it.” Reminder, we are talking about Wellsburg city blocks, not NYC blocks.

This dispute has been going on for three days, and is now to the point that dad felt the need to chime in and inform me that my mother is right, the new restaurant is “down the street.” Dad is not a neutral subject on this because he thinks I am wrong about everything and he has a close relationship with one of the parties in the dispute.

I now provide you with visual evidence:

The arrow represents the barbershop. I am standing right in front of the restaurant, marked with an X.

Google maps:

The top right X is the barbershop, the bottom left X the restaurant. I have included the scale so you can see that that the distance between the two is smaller even than the stakes in this argument. I can walk this in the middle of August without even saying to myself “dammit it’s hot I hate August.” I can throw a football that far with a reconstructed shoulder. Actually I can’t, but your average college kid could.

Clearly, the restaurant is right next to the barbershop.

The defense rests.

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Previous Post: « As Narrow as His Tiny Little… Hands
Next Post: Wednesday Night Open Thread »

Reader Interactions

204Comments

  1. 1.

    nwerner

    August 8, 2018 at 7:32 pm

    I think, by definition, something across the street cannot be next door.

  2. 2.

    HinTN

    August 8, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    It’s down the frickin street, Cole.

  3. 3.

    John Cole

    August 8, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    @HinTN: Enjoy your ban.

  4. 4.

    John Cole

    August 8, 2018 at 7:34 pm

    @nwerner: You too

  5. 5.

    pat

    August 8, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    Ah Cole, thanks for the chuckle!
    What would we do without you and your blog? And your mom and dad, of course.

  6. 6.

    Baud

    August 8, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    It’s across the way.

  7. 7.

    John Cole

    August 8, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    @Baud: I find those terms acceptable. Would you be willing to mediate this dispute?

  8. 8.

    Mart

    August 8, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    All y’all are weong, it’s clearly katy corner.

  9. 9.

    satby

    August 8, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    I hate to disagree, but that’s a textbook case of “down the street”. Action Images is next door.

    And I bet you know that and are just enjoying some shit stirring.

  10. 10.

    Hungry Joe

    August 8, 2018 at 7:37 pm

    “It’s right next to it”?

    I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.

  11. 11.

    zhena gogolia

    August 8, 2018 at 7:37 pm

    To me, “right next to” means next door.

  12. 12.

    nwerner

    August 8, 2018 at 7:37 pm

    Ferrealz? Gotta ban test so I can be assured this won’t disrupt my quarterly posting schedule.

    Someone who lives across the street may be your neighbor, but they are not your “next door” neighbor.

  13. 13.

    satby

    August 8, 2018 at 7:38 pm

    @Baud: yeah, across the way also fits.
    Peace in our time.

  14. 14.

    Mart

    August 8, 2018 at 7:38 pm

    Weong = wrong no edit function.

  15. 15.

    Mai Naem mobile

    August 8, 2018 at 7:38 pm

    Sorry dude your moms right. Honestly though if this is the biggest issue you have with your mom you have a great relationship with your mom.

  16. 16.

    dmsilev

    August 8, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    Mom is right.

  17. 17.

    Baud

    August 8, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    @John Cole: Yes. It would cement my reputation as a uniter.

  18. 18.

    schrodingers_cat

    August 8, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    Your mother is right, down the street.

  19. 19.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    It’s over there.

  20. 20.

    dmsilev

    August 8, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    This is all Cole’s secret plan to thin out the herd of commenters, isn’t it?

  21. 21.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    Give it up. Mom’s right, you’re mistaken.

    And the willow is too close to both places.

  22. 22.

    TenguPhule

    August 8, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    It’s located where several other restaurants have been, but I think this one will last.

    JFC, John, do you hate the owners of that eatery so much that you’d condemn them with the ogre’s sloppy kiss of death? Never predict anything good, because disaster always always always follows in your giant footsteps. //

  23. 23.

    fnook

    August 8, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    The top arrow looks like a giant middle finger. Which is awesome. Sorry if someone else has pointed this out in the 14 previous comments.

  24. 24.

    Mai Naem mobile

    August 8, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    @Mart: I thought the term was kitty corner. I’ve been saying kitty corner all these years.

  25. 25.

    TenguPhule

    August 8, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Your mother is right, down the street.

    I don’t see her in the picture. //

  26. 26.

    zhena gogolia

    August 8, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    @fnook:

    You’re right!

  27. 27.

    Baud

    August 8, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    @dmsilev: I thought his plan to do that was to get Alain to bork the site.

  28. 28.

    Chris T.

    August 8, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    It’s in the same locus! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_(mathematics)

    It’s within epsilon! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/(%CE%B5,_%CE%B4)-definition_of_limit

  29. 29.

    Omnes Omnibus

    August 8, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    You were right to add the jalapeno strips.

  30. 30.

    Mart

    August 8, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    @Mai Naem mobile: I believe kitty and katy are the same thing depending on where you were raised. John and his mom could sort it out for us.

  31. 31.

    Juju

    August 8, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    I’ll go with down the road a piece, catty corner.

  32. 32.

    Mai Naem mobile

    August 8, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    @fnook: index finger not middle finger.

  33. 33.

    Omnes Omnibus

    August 8, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    @Baud: It is a multi-faceted plan.

  34. 34.

    TenguPhule

    August 8, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    @Baud:

    I thought his plan to do that was to get Alain to bork the site.

    There was a plan?

  35. 35.

    TenguPhule

    August 8, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    You were right to add the jalapeno strips.

    You go to your room geezer, right now! //

  36. 36.

    RSA

    August 8, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    @nwerner: The first answer is the correct answer.

    I think Cole and his mom are both… less right than nwerner’s “across the street”.

  37. 37.

    Mai Naem mobile

    August 8, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: real men add serrano strips.

  38. 38.

    satby

    August 8, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    @Mart: @Mai Naem mobile: @Juju: @Mart: all the same, usage regional: http://grammarist.com/usage/catty-corner-kitty-corner/

  39. 39.

    Major Major Major Major

    August 8, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    Possibly ‘next to’, definitely not ‘right next to’, would personally say ‘just down the street’ or ‘like next door/right next to.’

  40. 40.

    realbtl

    August 8, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    “Right next to it” means somewhere with about 1/8 mi. either way. At least here in Montana.

  41. 41.

    Jackie

    August 8, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    It’s down yonder or over yonder

  42. 42.

    Mnemosyne

    August 8, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    @Mai Naem mobile:

    It’s regional. Some places say “kitty corner,” while others say “katty corner,” but of course those latter people are bad and wrong. ?

  43. 43.

    Doug R

    August 8, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    I’ve seen Starbucks that were closer together.

  44. 44.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    “Next door” and “a few doors down” are not the same thing. In this case, it’s “a few doors down and across the street from the restaurant.”

  45. 45.

    Steeplejack

    August 8, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    @John Cole:

    For next time, can you videotape it when you interrogate the front-pagers about the missing strawberries?

  46. 46.

    geg6

    August 8, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    @Mart:

    Around here, we call that kitty corner.

  47. 47.

    JPL

    August 8, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    Bqhatevwr

  48. 48.

    joel hanes

    August 8, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    @Mart:

    kitty-corner where I grew up.

    I believe it’s cater-corner in the Queens English.

    Let’s see if Michael Quinion has an entry … yessss!
    http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-kit1.htm

  49. 49.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    And here I thought formal WV usage was “It’s spittin’ distance from the restaurant.”

    :)

  50. 50.

    debbie

    August 8, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    Those aren’t strips of jalapeno, they’re slabs!

  51. 51.

    Mart

    August 8, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    @Mai Naem mobile: Goggle says I should spell it as catty or katty not katy. Kitty is more common.

  52. 52.

    The Dangerman

    August 8, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    Sorry, your Mother is right (and on a winning streak; see: comma).

    And that’s not a fish taco; THIS is a fish taco.

  53. 53.

    But her emails!!!

    August 8, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    It’s down the street, but at least you were right about adding the jalepeno strips to the tacos.

  54. 54.

    Citizen_X

    August 8, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    @Doug R: I’ve seen Walmarts that are closer.

  55. 55.

    lamh36

    August 8, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    I’d say it’s up the street too.

  56. 56.

    Jay Noble

    August 8, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    I’ve had the same kind of arguments with my Mom. I’ve also expanded to include older residents in town who will swear to the next door thing to the extent I’m planning to put out an historical business district directory. :-)

  57. 57.

    Garbo

    August 8, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    I contend that “right next to” is short for “right next door to,” thus you would have to be the next door after to qualify.

  58. 58.

    debbie

    August 8, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    It’s less than a country mile.

  59. 59.

    Mike E

    August 8, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    Back, and to the left…

  60. 60.

    Doug R

    August 8, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    Used to be a Starbucks under that Red Robin, kitty corner from that Starbucks.

    1101 Robson St

    https://goo.gl/maps/BPMBbXrA6Ys

  61. 61.

    joel hanes

    August 8, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    sidestepping the argument with mom

    Those are some fine-looking fish tacos.
    Personally, I’d rather have the canned Herdez jalapenos with the carrot slices than fresh,
    and maybe a couple drops of the green El Yucateco habanero sauce for heat,
    but de gustibus.

  62. 62.

    Steeplejack

    August 8, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    @RSA:

    I take “across the street” to mean right across the street—facing or adjacent to facing. Not a block away (no matter how short the blocks).

  63. 63.

    Bobby Thomson

    August 8, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    “Right next to” means literally next to and nothing else. It’s not a synonym for “near.”

  64. 64.

    Mary G

    August 8, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    Now I know why you’re not married.

  65. 65.

    swiftfox

    August 8, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    Fish tacos: yuck. Fish does not do well whether it’s a taco, burrito, or enchilada.

  66. 66.

    khead

    August 8, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    Coke is clearly angling for a lawyer job with Trump.

  67. 67.

    RAM

    August 8, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    It’s across the street and down the block. It’s not next door.

  68. 68.

    The Dangerman

    August 8, 2018 at 8:00 pm

    Ah, crap, no edit function yet.

    “Next door” is “spitting distance” (“pissing distance” if in a unisex setting).

    This looks more like a “stones throw”.

  69. 69.

    Just One More Canuck

    August 8, 2018 at 8:01 pm

    The restaurant is too close to the willow tree

  70. 70.

    The Midnight Lurker

    August 8, 2018 at 8:01 pm

    You need to get out more, dude. And not just ‘down the street’.

  71. 71.

    debbie

    August 8, 2018 at 8:01 pm

    @Bobby Thomson:

    As in adjacent.

  72. 72.

    SiubhanDuinne

    August 8, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    @Mart:

    it’s clearly katy corner.

    There’s no such thing as “katy corner.” The correct term is “kitty corner,” which is known to every right-minded person.

    What the fuck kind of ignorant trolls are we allowing to comment on this blog now?

    Edit: Posted before seeing your discussion with Mai Naem above. I take back the “troll.”

  73. 73.

    khead

    August 8, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    @khead:

    Cole even. Damn mobile site.

  74. 74.

    Citizen_X

    August 8, 2018 at 8:02 pm

    If Rand Paul’s neighbor lived that far away, his ribs wouldn’t hurt.

  75. 75.

    Ruviana

    August 8, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    Down the street. I’d like to see a close-up of that building on the corner. You know, the one that’s really next door to the restaurant.

  76. 76.

    Kay

    August 8, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    I love fish tacos. I couldn’t concentrate on the rest after that part.

  77. 77.

    lollipopguild

    August 8, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Its “katty corner” (Runs)

  78. 78.

    Josie

    August 8, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    @The Dangerman: I am disappoint. The link does not show a real fish taco.

    John Cole: Your Mom is right. Actually, Moms are always right. You should know that by now.

  79. 79.

    p.a.

    August 8, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    This is symptomatic of something deeper. I don’t know what. Neither do I care.

    p.s. It’s not next door. I believe ‘next’ is the tell.
    coming immediately after the present one in order, rank, or space.

  80. 80.

    Frank McCormick

    August 8, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    Now, by Texas standards, that’s driving distance!

  81. 81.

    juju

    August 8, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    What goes in a fish taco, other than the obvious fish? Is that Cole slaw? I ask because I honestly don’t know. I can’t even touch fish of almost any type.

  82. 82.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    Looks to be about 8 rods between them. Or 2 chains. Or 1/5 of a furlong.

    ;)

  83. 83.

    Mnemosyne

    August 8, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    @swiftfox:

    I am not a fan of fish in general, but fish tacos are a classic in Mexico and there are a ton of places to get them in So Cal. The breading seems to help.

  84. 84.

    DanR

    August 8, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    Hmm. I need to try those tacos before making a decision in this dispute.

  85. 85.

    Mary G

    August 8, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    Actually, it could be argued that you’re both right. The 50 yards seems pretty accurate, and according to my tablet’s maps, it’s a very short block.

  86. 86.

    TaMara (HFG)

    August 8, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    I’m not even going to try and join in this debate. I will say, though, I made some awesome Jalapeno relish this week and will post a recipe soon-ish.

  87. 87.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    It’s a stone’s throw.

  88. 88.

    chopper

    August 8, 2018 at 8:08 pm

    @Doug R:

    i’ve seen a starbucks inside another starbucks.

  89. 89.

    satby

    August 8, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    @Josie:

    Actually, Moms are always right

    I tell my kids that, but they say I’m crazy too.

  90. 90.

    TaMara (HFG)

    August 8, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    @Steeplejack: What I miss?

  91. 91.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    August 8, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    Yo Mama is so right that you are wrong. :)

  92. 92.

    Aleta

    August 8, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    A couple doors down across the street.

  93. 93.

    mattH

    August 8, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    She is crazy.

    Crazy for putting up with your shit.

  94. 94.

    Honus

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    It’s down the street. And I was walking around Wellsburg before you were born. Ask Gary Kappel.

  95. 95.

    chopper

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    @different-church-lady:

    as the crow flies at least.

  96. 96.

    Elizabelle

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    @Citizen_X

    If Rand Paul’s neighbor lived that far away, his ribs wouldn’t hurt.

    Truth.

  97. 97.

    Juju

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: It’s catty corner.

  98. 98.

    Brachiator

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    Clearly, the other place is right next door, and up a little way.

  99. 99.

    Major Major Major Major

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    @Just One More Canuck: thread winner everybody go home

  100. 100.

    bcw

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    No it’s catercorner….

  101. 101.

    Mel

    August 8, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    Sorry, Cole.

    Where I come from, that would be, “a little ways down and jus’ across the street from”.

  102. 102.

    chris

    August 8, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    @Doug R: I remember that! Walking down Robson while on a family visit in 2008 and there they were, kitty corner to each other. I couldn’t believe they were that popular and I guess one wasn’t.

  103. 103.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    It’s verging upon.

  104. 104.

    Elizabelle

    August 8, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    @The Dangerman: Um no. That ain’t no fish taco. (Linky problem)

  105. 105.

    satby

    August 8, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): I was pretty happy with the chicken and black bean enchiladas with poblano mole I made this afternoon. Must be a Mexican moon rising.

  106. 106.

    Gin & Tonic

    August 8, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    @joel hanes: One time we stopped at the New Haven taco trucks and my wife loaded up on a condiment that she thought was pickled red onions with strips of carrot. The purple stuff was onions, all right, but the orange stuff was habanero slices.

    She won’t make that mistake again.

    Oh, and the restaurant is not next to the barber.

  107. 107.

    The Dangerman

    August 8, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    @Josie:

    The link does not show a real fish taco.

    $%#^; it was a live link 2 minutes ago. Or just a skoshe ago (is skoshe time as well as distance?).

    Here’s a link (live, I hope) to the best fish tacos in my neighborhood (Olde Port)

  108. 108.

    James E Powell

    August 8, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    Are you sure isn’t not up the street?

  109. 109.

    Steeplejack

    August 8, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    @NotMax:

    What is that in leagues?

  110. 110.

    Joyce Harmon

    August 8, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    Right next to means the building to either side of the restaurant with no intervening buildings. If the restaurant’s address is 140 Umptyscratch Street, then 138 and 142 Umptyscratch Street are right next to the restaurant – and no others.

  111. 111.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    It’s cheek by jowl.

  112. 112.

    Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes

    August 8, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    “A few doors down…”

  113. 113.

    HinTN

    August 8, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    @John Cole: Thhbbbppppttttt

    I love you too, man.

  114. 114.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    It is nigh.

  115. 115.

    Mel

    August 8, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    I stand corrected. 84 year old relative perused rhe photo and said that it is “a little ways down and then just a hop across the street from…”

    Then again, we used to get directions that were based on who had a red dog in the yard, who would be out on their front porch at 6 pm, and the “old house by the creek, next to thevspit where the church used to be before it caught fire in ‘01”.

    Referencing 1901, not 2001.

    I ❤️ GPS like it was a pint of triple fudge ice cream with peanut butter swirl.

  116. 116.

    mkd

    August 8, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    @Mart: much like a western pa gal’s choice of crik or creek when describing a small body of moving water

  117. 117.

    HinTN

    August 8, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    @Baud: Shit, I got a call and missed all this.

  118. 118.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    Sitting here picking little sticky nubs from the clothing in the checked-in suitcase which TSA opened. Guy at the special candy store I go to when in NY gave me a complimentary little package of Cracker Jack, which the TSA apparently opened and shook out over everything, then covered over the contents with my rain jacket.

    Luckily, 90% of the clothes were in the other, carry-on bag.

  119. 119.

    KithKanan

    August 8, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    “Right near”, yes. “Right next to”, not so much.

  120. 120.

    The Midnight Lurker

    August 8, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    @James E Powell: If that map is oriented North, which it appears to be, then you are right, sir! It is UP the street.

  121. 121.

    southend

    August 8, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    My parents have been having the same kind of arguments since I can remember. Only with each other. The simplest attempt at conversation ends up in bickering/arguments. Otherwise, their white-picket-fence Rockwell Murricans. An exact cross between Ozzie and Harriet and the Costanzas.

  122. 122.

    Steeplejack

    August 8, 2018 at 8:21 pm

    @TaMara (HFG):

    Based on Cole’s post up top, a Caine Mutiny scenario can’t be far off.

  123. 123.

    Aleta

    August 8, 2018 at 8:21 pm

    Some locals use next to roughly to mean near by, but you lost when you tried to force a win with right next to.

  124. 124.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 8, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    @swiftfox: Agreed. Only beef, port, or chicken belong in a taco.

  125. 125.

    Shana

    August 8, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): Yes please.

  126. 126.

    Steeplejack

    August 8, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    @The Dangerman:

    Linky no work. I fix: fish taco.

  127. 127.

    HinTN

    August 8, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Truth

  128. 128.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 8, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    Being that edit doesn’t work…Pork, not port!

  129. 129.

    RandomRando

    August 8, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c5kCq0AjYLI
    Oh, that’s right you have.
    Just apologize to your mom and move on.

  130. 130.

    HinTN

    August 8, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    @realbtl: That’s close by in these parts.

  131. 131.

    southend

    August 8, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    @mkd: “Crik” is a generic stream. “Creek” is attached to a specific name, i.e. “Cedar Creek” is a raging crik after it rains.

  132. 132.

    TenguPhule

    August 8, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Only beef, port, or chicken belong in a taco.

    I’ll mark this down as yet more California weirdness.

  133. 133.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 8, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    @satby: Actually, we’re a few days from the New Moon. Milky Way picture taking time!

  134. 134.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    It take a licking and keeps on ticking.

  135. 135.

    Bc

    August 8, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    Down. The. Street.

  136. 136.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 8, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    @HinTN: Are you enjoying your ban?

  137. 137.

    WhatsMyNym

    August 8, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    My mailbox is farther away.

  138. 138.

    Snarlymon

    August 8, 2018 at 8:29 pm

    Great googley moogley! You still have a shop that develops film in half an hour?

  139. 139.

    JustRuss

    August 8, 2018 at 8:30 pm

    How can it be right next to it when it’s across the frickin street? Raise the white flag Cole.

    Also, is Wellsburg like your Mount Pilot?

  140. 140.

    HinTN

    August 8, 2018 at 8:30 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Hell yes, by God!

    ETA: Now if I could just get Alain to publish the pix from the trip to Utah…

  141. 141.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 8, 2018 at 8:30 pm

    @Snarlymon:

    You still have a shop that develops film in half an hour?

    What’s film?

  142. 142.

    Kristine

    August 8, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    @mkd@Mart :

    much like a western pa gal’s choice of crik or creek when describing a small body of moving water

    I was born in Western NY. Left when I was 6, and I still say “crik.”

  143. 143.

    JustRuss

    August 8, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    @southend:

    An exact cross between Ozzie and Harriet and the Costanzas.

    Throw in an Eddie Haskell character and I’ll watch it.

  144. 144.

    Miss Bianca

    August 8, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    @swiftfox: Oh, no no no, I could not disagree more! Having had so many delicious variations on both fish tacos and burritos, they are my go-to if I can find ’em on the menu!

    Chacun a son gout, y’all…

  145. 145.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    @Steeplejack

    Ain’t big league, that’s fer shure.

    :)

    @Mel

    Still chuckle at Mom giving directions to someone over the phone many years ago. “Turn right three blocks before the stop sign.”

    @Joyce Harmon

    Passed by storefronts on a street in Mom’s town just the other day. Address of the store two doors down from the corner is 5 [X] Road. Address of the building next to it and closer to the corner is 1 [X] Road. Building abutting that and on the actual corner’s address is 3 [X] Road. Go figure.

    :)

  146. 146.

    Steeplejack

    August 8, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    @JustRuss:

    Mount Pilate.

  147. 147.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    August 8, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    @Miss Bianca:

    Having had so many delicious variations on both fish tacos and burritos, they are my go-to if I can find ’em on the menu!

    No, just no.

  148. 148.

    Honus

    August 8, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    @NotMax: about twenty fathoms. I’m s old I’ve actually measured things with rods and chains in the hills near Wellsburg.

  149. 149.

    Raven

    August 8, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    Yonder and them ain’t no jalapeños

  150. 150.

    Andrew

    August 8, 2018 at 8:40 pm

    Hah are you Trumps next Lawyer?! hahaha

  151. 151.

    gsp

    August 8, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    “Down a bit”? But choosing between the two it’s down the street. You wrong…Again.

  152. 152.

    WaterGirl

    August 8, 2018 at 8:51 pm

    @NotMax: Total dick move. Assholes. I’m sure they’re having a great laugh. TSA, ICE – a bunch of hateful power-hungry people.

  153. 153.

    TomatoQueen

    August 8, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    My dad would say it’s kittywampus, cos he was in the Navy.

  154. 154.

    Fester Addams

    August 8, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    @Aleta:

    A couple doors down across the street.

    Am I wrong to think “a couple somethings” always means two of them? Mrs. Addams uses a couple to mean anywhere from two to four inclusive. Maybe more, I’m not sure.

  155. 155.

    Honus

    August 8, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    @Kristine: what about “holler” and “holla”? Barbarians across the river in Ohio say holler. In West Virginia we go up the hollas to buy whisky. Holler is how you tell people out in the field that supper’s ready.

    @Steeplejack: I think it’s actually Mount Pilot, after Pilot Mountain, NC.

  156. 156.

    Yarrow

    August 8, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    Can’t believe I missed this thread. Classic.

  157. 157.

    trnc

    August 8, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    @nwerner:

    I think, by definition, something across the street cannot be next door.

    When you say across THE street, to which of the 2 streets between the barber and the restaurant are you referring?

    Based on the evidence presented, these businesses may actually be in different zip codes.

  158. 158.

    Amir Khalid

    August 8, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    This thread is pure comedy gold. Awesome.

  159. 159.

    Honus

    August 8, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    @WhatsMyNym: so is mine, it’s out by the road. It ain’t next to the house.

  160. 160.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    August 8, 2018 at 8:59 pm

    I hate to say it, but “right next to” really makes me think “they share a wall, or at least, like, a corner or a bit of storefront” and I’d even give you “right next to” if there were a few small stores/doors separating them. I’d only be able to agree with “right by” or “right around”.

    HOWEVER! Because your parents are not entirely wrong, you are far more likely to be right. After all, your parents made you, and you know darn well that two wrongs don’t make a right… so… um… was that defense as feeble as it sounds, now that it’s out of my “mouth”?

  161. 161.

    kindness

    August 8, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    John you can agree to disagree. It’s what, 3 stores down? Looks like it.

    Across the street and down a bit would have nailed it for you but you are trying to be too specific.

  162. 162.

    different-church-lady

    August 8, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    It’s five o’clock somewhere…

  163. 163.

    BroD

    August 8, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    No, you are wrong. That is all.

  164. 164.

    Tinare

    August 8, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    Cute street.

  165. 165.

    zhena gogolia

    August 8, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    @Citizen_X:

    lol

  166. 166.

    Mary Ellen Sandahl

    August 8, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    @Mai Naem mobile: Very late to this delightful convocation – but it’s catty-corner. Every Minnesotan knows that.

  167. 167.

    waysel

    August 8, 2018 at 9:19 pm

    “They massacred the buffalo, kitty corner from the bank, the taxis run across my feet, and my eyes have turned to blanks” From ‘Pocahontas’ Neil Young.

  168. 168.

    Ruckus

    August 8, 2018 at 9:24 pm

    JC, at least your parents are still here to argue with. Of course I couldn’t argue with mom, she’d just keep repeating what she told you a minute ago until you shut the hell up. Never raised her voice, didn’t swear when working the game…. I once had a six month conversation with her about dating the daughter of a friend of hers. Of course I lived 2500 miles away at the time so even if everything else was good to go, there was a small problem of the drive to pick up this lady. I never got in the last word but I did cause the last word. When in town and visiting mom, after as I said six months had gone by, I walked in her door and the exact same words popped out of mom’s mouth. So I asked her “Does she fuck?” Without hesitation the answer came back, without looking up from her magazine, “Don’t know you’ll have to ask her yourself.” Do understand I was about 55 yrs old at the time, Mom was in her late 80s. Mom at least had a sense of humor.

  169. 169.

    kindness

    August 8, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Hey I learned something though. I’ve used both kitty-cornered and katy-corner depending on what who I’m with uses. No big. But that link above to worldwidewords explained a link to the verb catar which is to move diagonally. Makes sense. I can see catar going to catty and then going to kitty cornered which is what I grew up with.

  170. 170.

    MomSense

    August 8, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    Which place is closer to the willow tree?

  171. 171.

    Ked

    August 8, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    I am fully willing to accept a definition of “next door” which is not, you know, literally next door. But across the street on the next block? No. That’s not even katty-corner.

  172. 172.

    WaterGirl

    August 8, 2018 at 9:36 pm

    @MomSense: Both of them! The roots of the willow tree are now woven throughout the town.

  173. 173.

    Quaker in a Basement

    August 8, 2018 at 9:41 pm

    The restaurant is very, very near the barbershop.

  174. 174.

    tybee

    August 8, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    @Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes:
    3 doors down

  175. 175.

    TenguPhule

    August 8, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    @MomSense:

    Which place is closer to the willow tree?

    All of em, Katie!

  176. 176.

    Kristine

    August 8, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    @Honus: I don’t recall any place in the area in which I lived–Buffalo/Jamestown–that was called a holler. We always said ‘valley.’

    I do use cellar and basement interchangeably. That was enough for someone to peg me as from western NY. I guess that say cellar there.

  177. 177.

    Winston Churchitler

    August 8, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    HALF A BLOCK AWAY, NOT RIGHT NEXT TO IT.

    And I see what you did there – pull back the scale on that map and we could establish the length of one full block. It may even be more than one half block away, you monster.

  178. 178.

    Pyre Light

    August 8, 2018 at 10:06 pm

    It is impossible to be “right next to” anything when there is a intervening thing between the two

  179. 179.

    JanieM

    August 8, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Great thread, my laugh of the week. Maybe month, or even…. In any case, thanks!

    The crik/creek, holler/holla, etc. reminds me of the word “roof” — pronounced to rhyme with “woof” in northeastern Ohio, where I grew up (not all that far from Buffalo/Jamestown as American distances go), and to rhyme with “spoof” in New England, where I’ve spent most of my adult life.

    Who’s right?

    On other matters, I’ve never even heard of “katy-cornered.” Learn something new (usually here) every day.

    :-)

  180. 180.

    Lee

    August 8, 2018 at 10:28 pm

    That restaurant is about as close to the barbershop as the mustard is.

  181. 181.

    JGabriel

    August 8, 2018 at 10:29 pm

    SiubhanDuinne:

    There’s no such thing as “katy corner.” The correct term is “kitty corner,” which is known to every right-minded person.

    It’s neither. You’re all wrong, Mwa-Ha-Ha-Ha!¹

    Wiktionary has it as cater-corner, where cater- is derived from either the French word quatre for four or from a N. Germanic cater- meaning crooked:

    Wikitionary Etymology:

    cater- +‎ corner, where cater- is of disputed origin. Liberman argues that this is a prefix meaning “crooked, angled, clumsy”, of North Germanic origin; compare cater-cousin. The verb cater (“move diagonally, place diagonally, cut diagonally”) is attested from 1577 (Liberman proposes this as a backformation from cater-), and in 19th century Lancashire dialect, cater-cornered refers both to stone blocks that are out of square, and people who walk twisted (with one side in front of the other), especially if partially paralyzed.[1] Further, awkward and clumsy are of Scandinavian origin, and Old Irish cittach (“left-handed, awkward”) is cognate to cater- words, also suggesting a Scandinavian origin.

    A commonly proposed etymology (proposed in the 19th century) derives cater, from French quatre (“four”) (hence “four corner” – at the opposite corner of a square), and similarly cater-cousin from “fourth cousin”, while Liberman rejects this as implausible – similar terms from French are simply calqued as “four corners” (as in “four corners of the world”, from French “les quatre coins du monde”), the English term cater (“four”) (from French) was primarily used in dice, the domestication of a specialized foreign term as an adverb for “across” seems implausible, there are many Germanic terms that appear to be cognates, and other terms with cater- are found in English dialects.

    [¹ For the record, I suppose I would have been just as wrong as everyone else, since I always thought it was “cat-a-corner”.]

  182. 182.

    sukabi

    August 8, 2018 at 10:33 pm

    Why has your mom not kicked your ass? Restaurant is clearly NOT next to your barber….AND you’re blogging about your lack of awareness.

    So why has she not kicked your ass?

  183. 183.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 10:40 pm

    @JanieM

    Ancient joke.

    A vaudeville act, playing fourth tier circuit theaters: Henry and his amazing talking dog. Henry gives his opening spiel, then asks the dog, “How does sandpaper feel?” and the dog says “rough.” Next question, “What’s on the top of a house?” The dog says “roof”. The audience is becoming irritated by now, and when Henry requests the dog “Name the best baseball player of all time” and the dog says “ruth,” they rush the stage and toss the act into the street.

    Whereupon the dog walks over to Henry and says, “Maybe I should have said Gehrig?”

  184. 184.

    satby

    August 8, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    And this is always fun: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/dialect-quiz-map.html

  185. 185.

    A Ghost To Most

    August 8, 2018 at 10:45 pm

    It is CLEARLY catty-corner.

  186. 186.

    ET

    August 8, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    John aren’t you old enough to know that mom is always right?

    What about stone’s throw as a descriptor?

  187. 187.

    NotMax

    August 8, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    @ET

    What about stone’s throw as a descriptor?

    It’s a given that Mr. Cole would dislocate a shoulder while throwing the stone.

    :)

  188. 188.

    rikyrah

    August 8, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    You are so funny, Cole.??
    Your mom is right, even if she’s not…got it??

  189. 189.

    Glidwrith

    August 9, 2018 at 12:21 am

    @TomatoQueen: Ahem, that is cattywampus.

  190. 190.

    prostratedragon

    August 9, 2018 at 2:21 am

    @fnook: Map from wikipedia showing Wellsburg, WV

    I guess a pretty good argument can be had over which digit that is.

  191. 191.

    Barney

    August 9, 2018 at 4:47 am

    Mr. John “Humpty Dumpty” Cole knows that words mean what he wants them to mean. It’s just a question of who’s the master. In this case, “right” means both “vaguely” (near the barber’s) and “refusing to budge” (from his claim or correctness).

    Or “two rights make a wrong.”

  192. 192.

    Amir Khalid

    August 9, 2018 at 5:45 am

    @Mary Ellen Sandahl:
    Once, I was in Minnesota and asked for directions in a mall. The local man who helped me out said “kitty corner”.

  193. 193.

    Hermann Fegelein

    August 9, 2018 at 8:41 am

    @nwerner: Would “It’s right on top of it” work??

  194. 194.

    Dupe1970

    August 9, 2018 at 9:45 am

    @Mai Naem mobile: catty-corner, pretty sure.

  195. 195.

    Rugosa

    August 9, 2018 at 11:36 am

    @Mart:

    Dictionary.com says it’s really cater-corner! New to me. This map agrees, it’s where you grew up: https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/kitty-corner-or-catty-corner

  196. 196.

    Fraud Guy

    August 9, 2018 at 11:39 am

    Not next door; not acroos the street; not even kitty-corner.

    Down the street from, or down the block from, would be acceptable substitutes.

  197. 197.

    raptusregaliter

    August 9, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    Holy shit Cole! Your mom is so right I’ve gotta wonder why you’re trolling her. “Next door” is short for “the next door down.” The barbershop is at least a couple doors down and across the fucking street! Quit trying to apply Trump logic and tell your mom she’s right. You are fail. All ur base are belong to us.

  198. 198.

    Svensker

    August 9, 2018 at 1:59 pm

    I think the restaurant is east, west, south and north somewhat of the barber shop. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.

  199. 199.

    SWMBO

    August 9, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    @sukabi: He hasn’t posted since the first few. She may have read the post, came through the back yard (near the willow) and kicked his ass by now.

  200. 200.

    daize

    August 9, 2018 at 4:52 pm

    @JanieM: Way, way late to this thread, but in Philadelphia “roof” is pronounced “rewf”

  201. 201.

    Schlemazel

    August 9, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    @Mary Ellen Sandahl:
    Sorry, as a native of the tundra I have to agree with@Amir Khalid: , it is kitty-corner. Never heard catty-corner around here

  202. 202.

    Schlemazel

    August 9, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    @daize:
    listened to Pandora all day on my journey & they often ran a Culvers ad where the girl recommended getting a “SKEW-opp” of their custard. I broke down & paid for the subscription just so I never have to hear that ever again

  203. 203.

    Aleta

    August 9, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    @Fester Addams: From what I’ve heard said, it seems like it has two uses. One specific (a couple of eggs) and one with leeway (a couple of miles from here).

  204. 204.

    Rdawg

    August 10, 2018 at 2:52 am

    I too call mine a barberess. That is as right as you need to be here.

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