For the love of all that is holy, whatever you do today, do not click on any story that refers to Mario Kart, mushrooms or yetis. Don’t Google the terms. Don’t click on trending topics that include those words. If an article containing one or more of those words pops up in a news alert, place your phone on a sturdy surface and smash it to pieces with a heavy object.
Hang onto your innocence, comrades, because the prose you’d summon with that peculiar combination of keywords today will put images in your mind that will haunt you to your last breath.
You have been warned!