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You are here: Home / Look- We All Know He Did It, It’s Whether He Pays a Price

Look- We All Know He Did It, It’s Whether He Pays a Price

by John Cole|  September 25, 20188:01 pm| 266 Comments

This post is in: Assholes

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The most irritating thing about the whole Kavanaugh bullshit is that I know with every fiber of my being that he did everything he is being accused of, and the reason I know this is because I was one of those special kinds of asshole drunks that he palled around with for years. I never sexually assaulted anyone, and I didn’t whip my dick out at anyone, although I have a buddy who did the EXACT same thing at a party and I have another friend who stuck his dick on the bar on top of a ten dollar bill. I would never have done anything like that because I was a drunk even back then and would never do anything to risk being banned from the only bar on campus.

The reason the Duke Lacrosse team was so easily blamed for what turned out to be lies is because it was so god damned believable. That’s what fraternity assholes were, and in many cases, unfortunately, still are. It’s an excuse and an explanation to say that I was a product of my environment- I grew up on a college campus, watched college males at their worst, played college lacrosse in high school because it was a club team, was on all sorts of male only clubs and sports teams, later in a fraternity, later in the male dominated army where the culture was, believe it or not, far worse in the late eighties and early nineties than it is now.

I objectified women, said horrible things, attended fraternity parties that were called and advertised as “the meat market” because it was only open to women and the fraternity. I did those things, and looking at the stuff Mike Judge and Kavanaugh’s friends and contemporaries have said and written, I know for god damned sure ole “Bart O’Kavanaugh” was there and doing that shit, too.

I’m not proud of the things I did, although like every jackass I was with back then, I bet I was sure proud when it was going on. And here’s the thing- I thought all the way through those years that I was a good guy, but I was part of that toxic culture and a willing participant. It’s embarrassing. My cheeks flush when I think about it now. I regret it, and I am sorry, and I wish I could apologize to anyone I may have unintentionally hurt. Earlier I said it was an excuse and an explanation- the excuse is for me, the explanation is for you. The excuse is how I live with the shame, because I know there were a lot of men my age who didn’t act like a frat asshole, who didn’t look at relationships as “scoring” and little more, who didn’t treat women like objects. Who didn’t call girls sluts or find things like “Renate Alumni” funny and snicker about it. The explanation is that this is how things were and regrettably still seem to be in many places.

I’m not trying to paint myself as history’s greatest monster- I had and still do have lots of female friends form the era- I’m super stoked to see a bunch of them this weekend at Homecoming, but the fact of the matter is that while I individually never did the sorts of things Kavanaugh has been accused of, I was a willing participant in the larger culture that allowed those things to happen and shamed women into silence. I’m complicit. Again, this is not a post I am enjoying writing because it’s embarrassing and painful. It hurts to realize that 16-22 year old me is not someone most of you would have liked.

It does, on the other hand, afford me the crystal clear clarity that allows me to say with 100% confidence that after watching Kavanaugh disgracefully trot his wife out in front of the cameras and spew lie after lie in his interview and elsewhere, that he is guilty of everything he has been accused of and probably a helluva lot more. Women don’t just make this shit up. And men who pretend they do are as emotionally mature as 17 year old stoned and drunk me and should be summarily ignored.

He’s lying. He was a fall down drunk with a bunch of rich prep school boys who were also fall down drunks. There were no rules, no consequences, and no boundaries, because they were a bunch of the untouchables. Little Geoffrey Baratheons in blue blazers having their way with the world and smirking through life as royalty. And you know who, besides me, isn’t fooled by this bullshit?

Women. Because women have been on the receiving end of this nonstop harassment, the assaults, the stigmatizing, the, well, you name it. While Brett Kavanaugh can conveniently wipe his memory, the victims and the other women can’t. They lived it, they are reliving it now, and there is no closure for them, even though I think closure is a bullshit concept. There’s no closure for victims of trauma, there’s only justice and hoping things get a little bit easier and a little bit more livable over time.

So every fucking scumbag asshole rushing to put this guy on the court can just go to hell. It makes me incandescent with rage to think that RBG, Sotomayer, and Kagan may have to sit in the same room as this prick. It’s infuriating. Because I have his number, and so do the women who have been on the end of abuse from dickheads like me and him.

And that’s why you listen to fucking survivors, because they’re telling the truth and being revictimized again in the process. And if you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. I should have been better.

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Reader Interactions

266Comments

  1. 1.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    I would never have done anything like that because I was a drunk even back then and would never do anything to risk being banned from the only bar on campus.

    Classic Cole.

  2. 2.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    I objectified women, said horrible things, attended fraternity parties that were called and advertised as “the meat market” because it was only open to women and the fraternity.

    And you too now qualify as a Supreme Court Justice.

  3. 3.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    Great post, John. We love you.

    The Kavanaugh thing is really messing me up.

  4. 4.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    It hurts to realize that 16-22 year old me is not someone most of you would have liked.

    Like a fine wine, you matured with age.

  5. 5.

    TangerineyDreamy

    September 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    Thanks for sharing your college-days assholery. I have similar stories to confess if I had time. If Brett Kavanaugh would come clean, like you just did, and admit he’d been a rich, entitled drunken prick… I could probably believe he’d changed. But, of course, he can’t do that, because he also tried to commit a few rapes… and since he never tracked down and apologized to those women, he’s obviously the same now, at 53, as he was at 18.

  6. 6.

    Droppy

    September 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    The difference between John Cole and Senate Republicans? Self-awareness and integrity (and I’m not talking about senate Republicans.)

  7. 7.

    JPL

    September 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    I assume that at some point the court could hear laws mandating the legality of sex offender laws. There are a lot of asshole boys caught who were the same age as Kavanaugh now labeled for life. I wonder how he feels about that label.
    Also the asshole believes in total property rights, never mind about zoning laws and environmental concerns. Sure the evangelicals will get someone on their side who is homophobic and against Roe, but good luck with that clean water and air that you are use to. .

  8. 8.

    schrodingers_cat

    September 25, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    @zhena gogolia: Same here. Incidents buried deep in the past resurfaced again. I am having physical reaction to this shit.

  9. 9.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    September 25, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    one of the dems really should whisper into Turtle’s ear “we’re going to have a blast impeaching Rapey come our turn, enjoy buddy”

  10. 10.

    Bex

    September 25, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    What Zhena said. And thank you for the post.

  11. 11.

    PsiFighter37

    September 25, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    Preach it, Cole. And good on you for having the maturity to evolve.

  12. 12.

    Schlemazel

    September 25, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    I was a nerd, a geek, unfuckable as a kid. I saw how these types of boys treated women & hated them for it, hated girls for choosing them over me and hated myself for not being able to get a girlfriend. I watched guys that Cole describes (I have always studied people, it took me the first 25 years of my life to understand them well enough to become a real person) and he is dead on. If any guy tells you he never saw this behavior he is also a liar

  13. 13.

    kindness

    September 25, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    Oh no. John just confessed. Who has the FBI’s number?

  14. 14.

    Keith P.

    September 25, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    I went to a private school, and whipping dicks out was not unheard of. In fact, there was a legendary story about one of my classmates getting shitfaced, and while he was on his hands and knees throwing up, the brother of the party host whipped his dick out and slapped the guy’s face with it. I’ve seen another classmate set his dick down on the desk of someone else sleeping and tap their shoulder to wake up. (all-boys’ school, plus this was the early 90s before that was commonly considered true “sexual assault”….I stabbed a classmate with a compass in this era and wasn’t arrested or even reprimanded)

  15. 15.

    schrodingers_cat

    September 25, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    @TangerineyDreamy: No he is worse now. He has not an iota of plausible deniability left.

  16. 16.

    LuciaMia

    September 25, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    John, just remember, Lily could never love an asshole.

  17. 17.

    Miss Bianca

    September 25, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    @zhena gogolia: I agree. With all of it.

  18. 18.

    Patricia Kayden

    September 25, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    @TangerineyDreamy: I’ve heard Conservatives say that even if he did what he’s accused of, he should still be confirmed. He could have confessed and then asked the public to forgive him since Republicans don’t care whether he’s guilty or not. They only care that’s he’s one of them.

  19. 19.

    Ben Cisco

    September 25, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    And if you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. I should have been better.

    THIS is how a man handles his business. You recognized. You learned. You owned it. Any and all of those things puts you light-years ahead of the entirety of the GOP, particularly and especially Whiskey Dick McIncelpants.

  20. 20.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    September 25, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    It took courage to write this, John. Good on you.

  21. 21.

    SaneMD

    September 25, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    Very well said, John. You are one of the good ones.

  22. 22.

    The Moar You Know

    September 25, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    One of the biggest determining factors in my selection of colleges was that they unequivocally banned frats and spent a considerable amount of money to make that stick. Sadly, they eventually lost, but I was gone by then.

    I’d been a working musician for several years before deciding to go back to school, and I’d played frat parties, and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with those kinds of people. And it was pretty nice, after I got there, to not have to worry nearly so much about my girlfriend getting raped if she went to a party without me. Not to say it couldn’t have happened, but the odds, y’know, went way down.

    I didn’t know the term “toxic masculinity” back then, but would have instantly know what anyone was talking about had they used it. It was those guys. The guys who hired a bigshot law firm and put my college through a decade of litigation, all so they could have a booze and rape club on campus. They got the right to the club, but they’ve still never been allowed to put a house on the campus grounds, thank God. But they did win. And the GOP is about to put one of them on the Supreme Court, because he’s promised that the president won’t get charged with any crimes while he is on it. That’s a hell of a thing to write about your country. Can’t believe we’re here, but here we are. Booze and rape nation.

  23. 23.

    namekarB

    September 25, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    I too regret the horrible things I did in my youth. Alcohol and drugs only released the inner beast. (OTOH if I just stuck to smoking hooters I would have been mellower instead of a testosterone fueled animal). I cannot undo my past. Now retired at 70 years old, when I have coffee with the boys (all my age or older) in the morning the objectifying of women by my coffee mates continues. I cringe but have kept my mouth shut (so far). My point is that damn near every adult male knows deep down what the truth is.

  24. 24.

    cmorenc

    September 25, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    @Enhanced Voting Techniques:

    one of the dems really should whisper into Turtle’s ear “we’re going to have a blast impeaching Rapey come our turn, enjoy buddy”

    Won’t likely happen – because removal from office via impeachment requires a 2/3 supermajority, and how soon do you think we’ll have less than (1/3 +1) US Senators who are not either: (unreformed male assholes) OR (ideologues who find unreformed male assholes acceptable, so long as they reliably vote to enact their preferred ideology – some of whom are female ideologues)?

  25. 25.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    September 25, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    e’s lying. He was a fall down drunk with a bunch of rich prep school boys who were also fall down drunks. There were no rules, no consequences, and no boundaries, because they were a bunch of the untouchables. And you know who, besides me, isn’t fooled by this bullshit?

    Anyone who’se had to work for a jackass like this? They don’t limit their abuse to women…

  26. 26.

    Cheryl Rofer

    September 25, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    Thanks, John. I think all of us who went to high school and college know that what you’re saying is true and Kavanaugh is lying. And he knows he’s lying.

    @zhena gogolia: I have hated this past week and its exploration of frat-boy sexuality along with the denial and shaming by the old-boy Senators. I’ve been relatively lucky – no rapes, just the usual constant harassment and several sexual assaults. That’s pretty horrible that something like that is “lucky.” It’s exhausting. We’ve all (women, that is) been through some of the elements of this at some time. But not just women. The Brett Kavanaughs of the world are equally disgusting to anyone not a cis male, and the Senators’ show is to tell us how little anyone else matters.

  27. 27.

    hueyplong

    September 25, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    “Poor Brett” is just days away from being the ultimate entitled, lifetime-appointed asshole, and he’ll turn it up a notch as revenge for having had his entitlement questioned publicly.

    Just a little something to get your car started on November 6.

  28. 28.

    Cermet

    September 25, 2018 at 8:20 pm

    Confession time for me. First, how ironic that a girl I knew as a young teen (very) and haven’t heard from since just contacted me on face book tonight. We had a good text exchange about old times. I apologized for the two times I too acted inappropriately and did not treat her with respect (thank god it was very minor compare to this prick; even then, I knew no meant no and one HAD to have verbal consent no if or but’s.) She accepted my apology with grace and considered my transgressions as youthful foolishness. Still, very glad to have the chance to address this bad behavior on my part (again, thank god) this inappropriate behavior on my part. Strange it occurred now (her text contact after all these years, that is; I am FB friends with her brother, so, of course, she was aware of my presence on FB.)

  29. 29.

    OzarkHillbilly

    September 25, 2018 at 8:21 pm

    Say what you want about fraternities, I worked on the doubling of one (building an addition)(at UMR, now MST), and one day when sent on a quest to find a long lost footing (or something or other) I entered a library where I found an all but unbroken collection of National Geographics dating back to 1921.

    Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttttt……………. My old man was born in 1923.

  30. 30.

    susanna

    September 25, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    Thank you for this.

  31. 31.

    cmorenc

    September 25, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    @John Cole:
    The one thing that disturbs me about this:

    Women don’t just make this shit up.

    …is that it is only true in most cases, but not all. So, do you convict every man of sexual misconduct if a woman alleges such, because most (but not all) women are telling the truth?

  32. 32.

    Faithful Lurker

    September 25, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    I went to public schools in Jacksonville Florida. Graduated from HS is 1963 and I can say, with total honesty, that the entitled behavior of the boys was the same as the behavior of the private school jerks. I hated them and couldn’t wait to get out of Jax and hope I never see it again. Thank you, John. You are beloved by jackals in all your glory.

  33. 33.

    khead

    September 25, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    So that’s Daphne, Fred and Velma in the last pic, correct?

  34. 34.

    Kevin Schultz

    September 25, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    Much respect for not being part of the problem.

  35. 35.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    @hueyplong:

    God, I hope you’re wrong but I’m afraid you’re right.

  36. 36.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    September 25, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    Peggy Orenstein wrote a book called “Girls and Sex,” which reports on her interviews with scores of upper middle class girls in high school and college, and their experience with and ideas about sex. IOW, girls from Kavanaugh’s milieu. They report that fraternity parties were the places they faced the most sexual danger. It’s a good book. I recommend it.

  37. 37.

    Ben Cisco

    September 25, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    “Poor Brett” is just days away from being the ultimate entitled, lifetime-appointed asshole, and he’ll turn it up a notch as revenge for having had his entitlement questioned publicly.

    Just a little something to get your car started on November 6.

    One more time for the peeps in the back!

  38. 38.

    Kay (not the front-pager)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    You’re right, I wouldn’t have liked you in that period. I probably would have been afraid of you too. I might have hitchhiked in college, but I wouldn’t go into a frat house (or be around a frat member) without a couple of male friends, the ones I thought of as “normal.”

    That said, I was my own kind of asshole. I was judgmental, arrogant, cynical, and angry (or more accurately, pissy). Also, I was a pretty girl and I used it. So if you’ll forgive me I’ll forgive you.

    But I don’t think, if you were to try to come off as a choirboy when we all know it’s fake, you should be given a promotion to the highest court in the land, a position held by only 113 people in all of history.

  39. 39.

    khead

    September 25, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    @cmorenc:

    Wrong Bat-time. Wrong Bat-Channel.

  40. 40.

    notoriousJRT

    September 25, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    @Dorothy A. Winsor:
    This.

  41. 41.

    SenyorDave

    September 25, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    I have to remind myself every once in a while of this fact:
    Donald Trump was caught admitting to committing sexual assault. More than a dozen women came forward and said he sexually assaulted them. And most Republicans either:
    1. Didn’t believe the women
    2. Didn’t care if he did
    Even if he they believed Kavanaugh did it, most of them wouldn’t care

  42. 42.

    Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    Sad to say, the kind of people who need to read this never will, and would never understand it if they did.

  43. 43.

    Adam L Silverman

    September 25, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    @kindness: I do.

  44. 44.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    John.

    You are a good person. You may have done (okay, did do by your own admission) a lot of assholish dickish things, but that doesn’t on its own make you a dickish asshole.

    You — unlike the current POTUS*, most members of his family and Cabinet and an assortment of nominees and appointees — are actually self-aware and capable of both reflection and repentance.

    Try not to beat yourself up. We don’t come here for the saints. We love you, and part of what we love is your willingness to share your warts-and-all growth. It’s a rare and precious thing, John. Thank you.

  45. 45.

    eemom

    September 25, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    I never sexually assaulted anyone

    the fact of the matter is that while I individually never did the sorts of things Kavanaugh has been accused of, I was a willing participant in the larger culture that allowed those things to happen and shamed women into silence. I’m complicit.

    I appreciate all you’ve said, but I have to say, again, that there is a huge, huge difference between one and two. I honestly believe that most men, however drunk or assholish or misogynist, are NOT capable of rape. I think being a rapist or a would be rapist is a specific pathology that has zero causal connection with age, drunkenness, or misogyny, though of course it often co-exists with those things.

  46. 46.

    Kay (not the front-pager)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    @LuciaMia: Disagree. Lily loves him unconditionally and unreservedly. He couldn’t do anything to make her stop.

  47. 47.

    khead

    September 25, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    @SenyorDave:

    You just described Fox Grandmas. They are the worst folks on my Internets.

  48. 48.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    @Cermet:

    It was not a coincidence. She remembered, or her memory was triggered by all of this shit, and that’s why she contacted you. I’m glad that you are a good guy and were willing to man up and apologize. It probably meant a lot to her.

    The guy who harassed me relentlessly my freshman year of high school is long past being able to apologize — he died in a drunken car crash before graduation. I sometimes worry that I wished it on him.

  49. 49.

    txvoodoo

    September 25, 2018 at 8:35 pm

    Thank you, thank you. I wish all the guys who were borderline (or worse) and now see what they did, and recognize the pain it may have caused, would grow up and say “I was wrong. I’ve learned.” It might go a long way towards healing what many of us feel.

  50. 50.

    Ed_finnerty

    September 25, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    I saw what the women lawyer did to the women at the gomeshi trial. I am afraid this ‘assistant’ will shred Her.

    Gomeshi ‘won’ but he is professionally destroyed. I hope the same for kavashit.

    The courage of Ms. Ford is truly admirable.

  51. 51.

    Villago Delenda Est

    September 25, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    Quite aside from Kavenaugh’s enthusiastic participation in this toxic culture, he’s a perjurer, a Rethug operative, a person of highly questionable personal financial acumen, and a member of the Federalist Society.

    Unfit to serve as a judge at a moot court.

  52. 52.

    debg

    September 25, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    A brave post, John. We all did stupid things in our youth, and participated in or accepted toxic masculinity. The point is to learn from the past–our personal past, our culture’s past, humanity’s past. Otherwise all those screw-ups get wasted.

  53. 53.

    debbie

    September 25, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    I think you may be describing one of my brothers. Frat rat all four years of college, big on drinking and partying, but more a happy drunk than a fall down drunk. During the Preppy Murder trial, I remember arguing with him because he was stupid enough to say that no sometimes didn’t mean no. I’d hate to think he’d have pulled anything like Kavanaugh did. I’d have to kill him.

  54. 54.

    TaMara (HFG)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    Great post. I am not sure I can go another week of this. It is seriously messing with my psyche in ways I thought I was beyond. The feeling of helpless rage will not abate.

  55. 55.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    @hueyplong:

    Hope to gods you’re wrong.

  56. 56.

    notoriousJRT

    September 25, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:
    Exactly.

  57. 57.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    You’re one of the good guys now, Cole. Of course we love you.

  58. 58.

    Emma

    September 25, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    John, usted si es un hombre y un caballero.

  59. 59.

    eemom

    September 25, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    There is also a difference between rape and other kinds of sexual misconduct. Sexual harassment is horrible and unforgivable, but it’s still not the same as rape.

  60. 60.

    NickM

    September 25, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    @cmorenc: IMHO, the accusation itself establishes abuse by a preponderance of the evidence – that is, that it is more likely than not that the woman’s story is true since that is almost always the case (very few false reports). Maybe an accusation with no additional evidence should not alone count as proof beyond a reasonable doubt, but unless countered by stronger evidence to the contrary a plausible accusation like Dr Ford’s should be enough prima facie to deny someone a job.

  61. 61.

    debbie

    September 25, 2018 at 8:40 pm

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    And just how does he think saying he was a virgin is some sort of proof he never assaulted anyone?

  62. 62.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    September 25, 2018 at 8:40 pm

    See this thread from a couple days ago, which contains a summary of an article about rape in the Washington Post. According to the article, the incidence of rape varies widely from culture to culture. The two most relevant facts seem to be whether the rapist believes they’ll pay a price and whether they have the approval of their peers.

  63. 63.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:40 pm

    @JPL:

    I assume that at some point the court could hear laws mandating the legality of sex offender laws. There are a lot of asshole boys caught who were the same age as Kavanaugh now labeled for life. I wonder how he feels about that label.

    IOKIYAR.

    SATSQ.

  64. 64.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    @LuciaMia:

    Lily could never love an asshole.

    Dogs can love assholes too. Some even lick them.

  65. 65.

    AliceBlue

    September 25, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    Thank you for this John. You’re a good man.

  66. 66.

    notoriousJRT

    September 25, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    @notoriousJRT: But it is the liklihood that he did assault these women (and the callous denials he makes along with his powerful, amoral supporters) that places him beyond the pale.

  67. 67.

    Jimmm

    September 25, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    @Ben Cisco:

    THIS is how a man handles his business. You recognized. You learned. You owned it.

    THIS. Boys do stupid stuff. Men take responsibility and make amends. Craven political hacks lie and deny.

  68. 68.

    Heidi Mom

    September 25, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    Bravely said, John. Thank you.

  69. 69.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    Like Cole, I was in a fraternity in college and played a sport not famous for non-toxicity (in my case, rugby). I never committed any assaults and, as far as I know, no one in my fraternity or my rugby team did either. I’d like to think that me and mine were some of the good ones, but, even if we were, we left a lot to be desired.

  70. 70.

    sukabi

    September 25, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    @schrodingers_cat:Kavanaugh’s worse now because he’s never taken responsibility AND he’s still continuing at least part of his behavior…female clerks as objects….bet some of them have a few stories that won’t get told because it would ruin their careers.

    John good on you for owning your past shame and growing into a good man.

  71. 71.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): I have been feeling so angry that I decided to try to put words to it. I had no words beyond anger and rage. Thanks to a few folks on an earlier thread, my anger alert system has been fleshed out. Somehow having the words makes me feel better.

    Anger Alert System

    Code 5: Preternatural Murderous Calm
    Code 4: Black Hole of Rage
    Code 3: Fury
    Code 2: Rage
    Code 1: Anger

  72. 72.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    @TaMara (HFG):

    Great post. I am not sure I can go another week of this. It is seriously messing with my psyche in ways I thought I was beyond. The feeling of helpless rage will not abate.

    5 weeks and change to voting day.

  73. 73.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    @WaterGirl: Are you operating a DEFCON or Hurricane system?

  74. 74.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    @WaterGirl: P.S. So far today I am at Code 3: Fury.

  75. 75.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    @WaterGirl: Code 5 scares me a lot.

  76. 76.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    Hurricane.

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    It should. ?

  77. 77.

    stinger

    September 25, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    Thank you for this post, John. To take what Ben Cisco said above, you recognized, you learned, you owned — and you changed. The Brett Cavanaughs of this world *may* taper off that behavior, but not because they’ve changed, only because their environment has changed.

    I haven’t understood why so many people seem shocked by Dr. Ford’s assertion. I attended a state university in the ’70s, and many of the frats and men’s dorms had similar cultures. Specifically, the Dekes had the same reputation as Cavanaugh’s Dekes at Yale. Nothing about this story is remotely surprising. For me, it’s not so much what he did as a “teenager,” it’s that he now refuses to acknowledge it, own it, and apologize for it. Instead, he lies. Typical Trump appointee.

  78. 78.

    Mai Naem mobile

    September 25, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    I have to wonder what the Clintons talk about. Karma is a b****. They must be laughing about Kavanaugh having to face questions about his sex life. Ken Starr getting fired from Baylor. Jim Comey being canned.

  79. 79.

    TaMara (HFG)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    @WaterGirl: Put me at Code 4.

  80. 80.

    eemom

    September 25, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    The No Fucking Shit award goes to…..

    Why is this screamingly obvious point of common sense not something that’s been emphasized everywhere from the get go…..right after the gazillion bullshit repetitions that Kav “categorically denies the allegations”??

  81. 81.

    TaMara (HFG)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): And pretty damn close to code 5.

  82. 82.

    Argiope

    September 25, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): I was in the grocery store a few days ago having a distinct feeling of depersonalization, as though I wasn’t actually real or there. I haven’t had that in a long, long time (like maybe decades). I think it’s because constantly hearing the message from the Orange Menace on down, that not reporting at the time is somehow suspect or irresponsible, makes me feel invisible. I’m way better today after taking most of yesterday and today away from this story and going out to register some voters this afternoon. But yes, it’s so viscerally awful, and really, really infuriating. John, your post makes me feel seen. So thank you. I don’t think any of us can ask for perfection, from ourselves or others. But working towards being better: that we can do.

  83. 83.

    TaMara (HFG)

    September 25, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    @TenguPhule: I don’t think even that can undo what’s going on right now. I may not be enough.

  84. 84.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    September 25, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    @stinger: Totally OT, but hey, Stinger, I went to Biaggi’s last weekend and had that squash ravioli. :-)

  85. 85.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Rachel Mitchell, an Arizona county sex crimes prosecutor, emerges as top GOP choice to question Kavanaugh accuser before committee

    Headlining at Wapo now. This is a breaking story with little information available.

  86. 86.

    Patricia Kayden

    September 25, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    @cmorenc: There are often statutes of limitation so you can’t convict men of all sex assault allegations made against them.

  87. 87.

    sukabi

    September 25, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    @Mai Naem mobile: yeah the forward facing players have had their comeuppance, but the elves and people pulling the strings and paying the bills are still at it.

  88. 88.

    Patricia Kayden

    September 25, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    @TenguPhule: Well, at least it wasn’t Jeanine Pirro. Small mercies.

  89. 89.

    eemom

    September 25, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    @TaMara (HFG):
    @WaterGirl:

    If he gets confirmed, all bets are off. This country is officially a place I can’t stand to live in.

  90. 90.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): Come sit by me. Its only fucking Tuesday.

  91. 91.

    Lee Hartmann

    September 25, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    Mr. Cole, you are a mensch.

  92. 92.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: Also too, like Cole, i was in the army in the late 80s-early ’90s. At Ft. Sill ( Okay, Lawton, OK), everyone knew which were the officers’ and enlisted strip clubs. Everyone also knew to order foreign bottled beer since in wasn’t 3.2% and couldn’t have been fucked with. Some army guys who came out of Princeton ROTC were the first from whom I heard “No means yes, and yes means up the butt.”

  93. 93.

    oldster

    September 25, 2018 at 8:58 pm

    Thanks, Cole. Good post, and all true.

    I, too, was an adolescent asshole–disrespectful and sexist.

    And yet, despite that, I never raped anyone or attempted to.

    1) A lot of men behave very badly as teens and older–I did
    2) Very few of them hold a woman down, turn up the music, and clamp their hand over her mouth–I never did that.

    It’s weird to say both things, but it’s true: stuff *like* Kavanaugh’s assault on Ford is far too common, but Kavanaugh’s actual assault on Ford is really, really, over the line, and would have been seen so even by young asshole me and my young asshole friends.

    Anyhow–the future is going to get better, *provided that* we can hold some of these monsters accountable.

  94. 94.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 8:59 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Before your time, I went to a party there and left after 5 minutes because they had sorority girls dressed as Playboy bunnies greeting people at the door. The girls looked miserable. Sorry to have to tell you this.

    The only frat parties I went to after that were the polka ones, can’t remember which frat that was. Those were nice.

  95. 95.

    Kirk

    September 25, 2018 at 8:59 pm

    @namekarB:

    I cringe but have kept my mouth shut (so far).

    So stop keeping it shut. I did, it’s amazingly empowering.

    See, what I learned first is that I wasn’t the only one uncomfortably holding my peace. What I learned second, later, is that there is a type of offender who pushes all the boundaries, pauses when confronted, then a while later pushes some more.

    It turns out to be a major source of the comic book/ game store stereotype despite owners saying they want to more female customers. And the solution is : guys, open your (our) damn mouths and tell them to shut up or leave. Or both.

    Because if we are uncomfortable just how do you think the targets of that crap feel?

  96. 96.

    Ceci7

    September 25, 2018 at 9:01 pm

    Thanks for this. Yes, we *do* know how toxic that frat bro culture was and is. It’s telling how rare it is to hear it affirmed this way, even though I have too many memories of bad things that happened to hold them all at once. Most of the women I know share similar knowledge but few of us waste our breath trying to explain it to men.

  97. 97.

    Elizabelle

    September 25, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    @Mai Naem mobile: Donald Trump eventually ending up in federal prison. With Mitch McConnell and all the other GOP leading lights. Plus a not inconsiderable number of White House staffers.

    The Trump name being radioactive. The Trump Organization and Trump family, penniless and facing suit after suit on money laundering.

    President Tim Kaine ….

  98. 98.

    jacy

    September 25, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    I think I’m always at a 5. Thought sometimes the new kitten distracts me, so that’s probably good for anybody around me.

  99. 99.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    @Elizabelle:

    Donald Trump eventually ending up in federal prison. With Mitch McConnell and all the other GOP leading lights. Plus a not inconsiderable number of White House staffers.

    The problem with long prison sentences is that there’s always a risk they’ll get out.

  100. 100.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    @zhena gogolia: Not that it really matters, but which house? If it was the Delts, my apologies. My experience there was quite privileged Some of it was deserved; some was simply because I was a reasonably good looking, preppy white guy.

  101. 101.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 9:07 pm

    @zhena gogolia: I think the polka thing may have been Sig Ep.

  102. 102.

    Kay

    September 25, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    I went to a canvassing training tonight and I have been waiting to feel like they are really coalescing and unified and tonight they were. I was looking for when they stick around after and talk in the parking lot, just because they need to vent about all that’s going on and they want to be around like-minded people- and they are. It feels like 2006.

    It’s starting to feel like it will be a good year for the opposition :)

  103. 103.

    stinger

    September 25, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    @cmorenc: @cmorenc:

    do you convict every man of sexual misconduct if a woman alleges such, because most (but not all) women are telling the truth?

    Of course not. What we do is to take each allegation seriously. The subsequent investigation, trial if warranted, and conviction if the evidence met the standard would proceed according to law.

    That kind of hyperbole is just one more way of trivializing these crimes.

  104. 104.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Oh, I thought you were a Beta. It was Beta that had the Playboy bunnies. The polka thing was definitely not Sig Ep. Sig Ep was too disorganized for that. They were nice.

  105. 105.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: That one is theoretical, but it does seem like the ultimate fury squared. Thankfully, I have never made it past fury. But I am beyond angry about this.

    I mean, i knew they were sociopaths, and party before country, and hate women. But the rush to put (at the very least) a would-be rapist on the highest court in the land while putting a woman like Professor Christine Blasey Ford through the trauma of the gauntlet they have planned surpasses any level of hate or disregard that I could have imagined.

  106. 106.

    geg6

    September 25, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    I love you, John Cole.

    I’m pretty much a mess over this. My past, which I’d thought I’d dealt with, has really come roaring back and I am just distraught. I need to stop paying attention to this, but I’m drawn to it like forbidden fruit. I don’t know what to do at this point. I think I have to go back into counseling.

  107. 107.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    @Dorothy A. Winsor: The post about incidence of rape and how increasing the chance of consequences reduces the incidence gives me hope. The Kavanaugh debacle is a demonstration that we are on a key pivot point. If Kavanaugh is pushed aside we could reduce rape dramatically. Ut would be better still if we could rid ourselves of Spanky Mc Mushroom.

  108. 108.

    raven

    September 25, 2018 at 9:10 pm

    My old man came home from WW2 and went to the Sigma Nu house at Illinois with his seabag on his shoulder. He wanted me to pledge when I came home from the Nam and went to school but I said “fuck that shit”. As far as the rest of this, I’ve got plenty to be guilty about but it ain’t this shit.

  109. 109.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:11 pm

    @Dan B:

    If Kavanaugh is pushed aside we could reduce rape dramatically.

    The corallery is too horrible to think about.

  110. 110.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:11 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): Yeah, that’s not a good place to be. I am truly sorry; I know you are doing your best to take care of yourself. It’s just shocking, all day at every turn there is another big fuck you and horrid treatment of this very brave woman.

  111. 111.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:11 pm

    @TenguPhule: corollary even. Edit button stat please.

  112. 112.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    Fuck her. Sorry, she may be extremely competent and qualified, but the 11 old white Republican men need to be doing the questioning. This is insane and absurd.

  113. 113.

    Ohio Mom

    September 25, 2018 at 9:13 pm

    This is an incredibly moving post.

    It’s its own Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. The liturgy includes a very long list of sins — not that any single congregant committed all of them but that the congregation as a community is responsible.

    We ask for forgiveness of our sins, “in order that we refrain from using our hands to oppress…” In other words, now that we understand, we pray that we will go forth and be intentional in avoiding causing harm to others.

    Now, I don’t find the actual service inspiring at all. But it gives me a model so that when I see true repentance, such as this post, I recognize — and appreciate — and deeply respect — what is in front of me.

    Yasher Koach, John: go from strength to strength.

  114. 114.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): Hugs. For me it’s not Preternatural Murderous Calm, but I get to the point that I have no words, just rage and tears. I can’t even speak.

  115. 115.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal: No mention yet whether she’s actually accepted.

  116. 116.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    @zhena gogolia: Betas got tossed the year before I arrived on campus. Drugs and god knows what. The school waited until the last of the old Betas graduated and then let them re-form. They did so as racists. Ask the school to host an alumni dinner but that no black or Jewish students be on the serving staff. I liked the legacy Betas; the new ones were Kavanaugh.

    Enough about LU Greek politics.

  117. 117.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 9:15 pm

    Mr. Cole

    The willow is too close. This is your karma. Pray to Lily!

    Dog

  118. 118.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 9:15 pm

    @zhena gogolia:

    The only frat parties I went to after that were the polka ones, can’t remember which frat that was. Those were nice.

    ΠΟΛΚΑ?

  119. 119.

    AM in NC

    September 25, 2018 at 9:15 pm

    Thank you, John. None of us is perfect. The best we can do is try to learn from our mistakes. You may not have been one in your youth, but you are now an ally. Thank you.

  120. 120.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:16 pm

    @eemom: I am nodding.

  121. 121.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 9:17 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    Thanks, good point. I was theorising ahead of the data, as is typical of me.

  122. 122.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    @WaterGirl: My mind read these as Cole 1 through Cole 5. Which gave me a chuckle especially at Preternatural muderous rage. I could festure them in a John Cole post. Would it include some mix of flooded yards, GOP politicians, mops, and critters or what?

  123. 123.

    rikyrah

    September 25, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    I went to a majority White college with a strong Greek scene. The Greek life was the majority of the social life in college. I went to college surrounded by Kavanaughs. Nothing happened to me, but I know those young women. I was the sober friend at frat parties. I didn’t drink ( personal choice). I was the lookout for the girls who might have had too many. Sometimes, I didn’t even know them, but knew when to get them out of there. There was a group of us- looking out for drunk girls was what we did.

    One of the most depressing volunteer jobs that I did was with the college rape crisis hotline. Lasted a semester.
    Bottom line
    I believe Dr. Ford.

  124. 124.

    MagdaInBlack

    September 25, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    @WaterGirl:
    Besides the cold hard anger, I am feeling a bone deep sadness over this, as if I were watching someone I love die.
    That sound you keep hearing? That’s your /our last illusions shattering.

  125. 125.

    Lizzy L

    September 25, 2018 at 9:21 pm

    Thank you, John.

  126. 126.

    Steve in the ATL

    September 25, 2018 at 9:22 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Like Cole, I was in a fraternity in college and played a sport not famous for non-toxicity (in my case, rugby). I never committed any assaults and, as far as I know, no one in my fraternity or my rugby team did either. I’d like to think that me and mine were some of the good ones, but, even if we were, we left a lot to be desired

    I was in a fraternity with a boatload of lacrosse players, and we never raped anyone either. But there was a boatload of boorish behavior that I don’t see at fraternity parties when I’m back for alumni weekends. I think we are making progress, but we will go many steps backwards if this fuckwad gets on SCOTUS.

  127. 127.

    MagdaInBlack

    September 25, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    John, you’re a good man. You had a phase, you did not make it a career.
    I’ve grown quite fond of you, your critters and your rants. ?

  128. 128.

    jacy

    September 25, 2018 at 9:24 pm

    You know what I hate about this whole thing? The constant feeling of fight-or-flight. It’s exhausting. And I go to therapy every week and am on two mood-fixing drugs, with ativan if I get panicky. I’ve gone from brutal insomnia (4 hours of sleep every three days) to stupor (16 hours of sleep at a time). LIFE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS.

  129. 129.

    Elizabelle

    September 25, 2018 at 9:24 pm

    @geg6: Counseling could be good. And lots and lots of John, Koda and Lovey time. They have your back.

  130. 130.

    Aleta

    September 25, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Honest stories from someone who used to be in an anti-female (/anti-gay) culture are right up there with the other important work to prevent its damage.

    It also heals when you talk about that, by ending the denial of harm. Our refusal to listen to and acknowledge what women say about assault (for at least 100 years) is like punching someone’s arm or gut in the exact place where they got punched yesterday. And then doing it again the next day. The nerves register the pain of the assault even more intensely.

    Something that stands out John is how your writing acknowledges the intelligence of women’s words, and anger. You don’t pretend you’re smarter or above it.

  131. 131.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    @stinger: I believe guys like Kavanaugh want to live in the hlory dsys of high school for the rest of their lives and want the rest of us to suffer in high school for their entertainment. He must have hated the Ken Starr period because there was no moment of glorious conquer.

  132. 132.

    Jeffro

    September 25, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    @Cheryl Rofer:

    I think all of us who went to high school and college know that what you’re saying is true and Kavanaugh is lying. And he knows he’s lying.

    Yup, full stop.

    So much of the wingnuttery in the Trumpov era has gotten so incredibly off the rails, I don’t even waste time reviewing arguments with fellow libs or point-by-point rebuttals with wingnuts. The shit the wingnuts throw out there is so prima facie absurd (PFA) that, well, that’s just what I tell them – “your BS is absurd on its face, so we’re done here and you know it.”

    Like arming classroom teachers with guns, or giving huge tax cuts to rich people in a good economy. PFA.

  133. 133.

    MomSense

    September 25, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    @zhena gogolia:

    Me too. I need to do some self care. This whole thing is taking me back to some terrible times in my life and I don’t want to get swallowed up by it.

  134. 134.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    @jacy:

    LIFE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS.

    Welcome to the Darkest Timeline.

  135. 135.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 9:26 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Sorry to have thought you were a Beta!

  136. 136.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 9:26 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal:

    You’re missing a soft sign!

  137. 137.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 9:26 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: I was waiting for you to pop up. I think progress is being made as well. Everything I have seen of Kav, I would have voted no on him as a pledge. Creepy fuck.

  138. 138.

    Mary G

    September 25, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    @Kay (not the front-pager): It’s an old saying – men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will kill them.

    I went to exactly one frat party in college because the first one I went to was at DKE and a couple of guys literally carried me up the stairs and into a bedroom the second I came through the front door before I could find the women I was supposed to meet. I was lucky to have had honorary older brothers who were Marines, and they were drunk and I was not, so I escaped easily enough with only bruises. It did not at all occur to me to report it to anyone. It wasn’t a big deal, sororities were trying to get me to join because they needed a scholarship girl to look inclusive and do their homework, and I turned it down without a thought, but I got queasy going into the row even in the daytime and would go out of my way two or three blocks if I was on foot. I am much more outraged and angry for that 16-year-old me than she ever was.

    I don’t know if it was here or some other blog, but someone posted years back a question about what’s the big deal about grabbing asses on waitresses in bars – everybody does it and they don’t complain, and I wrote a 10,000 word rant about how fucked up that was then deleted it because I was fairly new to the internet and was afraid of being banned for being a scolding prude.

    But things will never change unless we step up and speak as Christine Blasey Ford has. The fact that the men haven’t succeeded in what they were trying to do has nothing at all to do with it. It’s learning that people that are physiologically stronger than you are will try to manhandle you and rip your clothes off if they feel like it. For the rest of your life you can’t go anywhere alone without worrying about someone doing it again and succeeding. That is so hurtful. You try to travel in packs with other women instead of alone, so even going somewhere involves arranging. Waitresses who get off earlier will hang around the bar waiting for ones who get off later, because guys who grab asses in the bar also feel entitled to grab you in the parking lot and do a lot more, so you have to stick together even if it means missing your favorite TV show.

    Bar employees laugh and don’t complain about having their ass grabbed or their boobs honked because either their boss will fire them the minute they do, or all the customers will sit in someone else’s section glowering at them and they will not get any tips or make the boss any money and they’ll be fired within the week and how can they buy diapers and Cherrios for their kids if they don’t have an income?

    It’s so fucking exhausting and you do it even when you’re old and fat because it’s not about sex, it’s about control.

    So thanks for this, John, The best thing about feeling all these old incidents come up and being constantly enraged is that it seems a very few men get it. But every time some man says “I’ve never seen anything like that” or “I had no idea,” I want to find them and kill them. It’s been right in front of your eyes and you have been trained not to see. “Why didn’t my wife say anything?” is another headbanger.

    Why yes, I am triggered as fuck by Republicans this week and want them all to DIAF.

  139. 139.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    @Steve in the ATL:

    I think we are making progress, but we will go many steps backwards if this fuckwad gets on SCOTUS.

    And just think about what will happen to the reputation of the legal profession.

  140. 140.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    @Dan B: LOL. We could surely apply a Cole rating system to his venting posts.

  141. 141.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    @zhena gogolia: I will live. Our house faced west for tanning purposes.

  142. 142.

    Josie

    September 25, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    Eemom is right. There is a difference. The young man who pushed me down, groped me, and tore my dress stopped when I screamed. He did not put his hand over my mouth. An action like that makes it a different kettle of fish.

    John Cole, you are a good guy to write this. It can’t have been easy. I would be proud to have a son like you.

  143. 143.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    @Mary G:

    Why yes, I am triggered as fuck by Republicans this week and want them all to DIAF.

    Come sit be me. I may need a bigger couch.

  144. 144.

    TenguPhule

    September 25, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    @TenguPhule: by!

  145. 145.

    PPCLI

    September 25, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    In the midst of discouraging events, it’s important to keep touch with whatever small pleasures you can find. So I would like to remind us all of at least some good news today. When Trump rolled out his usual bullshit boasts to the UN general assembly, they openly laughed at him.

  146. 146.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:32 pm

    @MagdaInBlack:

    That sound you keep hearing? That’s your /our last illusions shattering.

    Earlier this evening, I was trying to find words for exactly that.

    That’s where the crushing part of the anger / pain / rage comes from. This is so much lower than any behavior I could have imagined. Even in my (literal) shock in the weeks after Trump was elected, I could never imagined this.

  147. 147.

    Steve in the ATL

    September 25, 2018 at 9:33 pm

    @TenguPhule: I was just saying to my daughter over dinner!

  148. 148.

    Tata

    September 25, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    Thank you, John. Your capacity for learning and evolving is reassuring.

    If you talk with women, they have conditioned ideas about what constitutes rape, sexual assault or harassment. If you talk with them about what is and is not okay, you can see in their eyes they remember incidents they hadn’t accepted were violations. These are difficult conversations. The thing you learn is that every woman has a story and most of us have many.

  149. 149.

    BlueGirlFromWyo

    September 25, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    @Dorothy A. Winsor: I was part of the late 80s-90s Greek culture and I could’ve been one of those interviewees. Like many of you, this week has brought back bad memories. John, your post has been heartbreaking, redemptive, and cathartic. Thank you.

  150. 150.

    Wapiti

    September 25, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: I got to Fort Lewis, WA in 1984. We had “dancers” in the O-Club on Tuesdays and Fridays, iirc. I may have been a clueless lieutenant and male, but even then I could recognize a hostile environments for female officers. By 1986 I think They decided that wasn’t the best plan ever.

  151. 151.

    Steve in the ATL

    September 25, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    @zhena gogolia: I was, thank you very much, but not at LU

  152. 152.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    @jacy: Have you tried CBD oil? I tried some in chocolate in the run-up to my root canal, and it has really made a difference. I eat a CBD chocolate square every day and I would swear by it now.

    I took ativan for the root canal procedure, and it’s nothing like that. I just feel happier and calmer and like a lighter younger version of myself. Until this Rapist Juror and his confederates decided that it’s worth tormenting and abusing a woman in order to get their man on the SC.

    Still, I can only imagine how I would feel without it. If I take it at bedtime I sleep better and longer but if I take it during the day I think my day goes better.

  153. 153.

    Steve in the ATL

    September 25, 2018 at 9:38 pm

    Is there any DKE chapter anywhere that doesn’t have that same reputation? I’ve never heard of one that wasn’t effing nuts.

  154. 154.

    Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ

    September 25, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    @MomSense: @schrodingers_cat: @zhena gogolia:. I am struggling this week like all of you. And John’s post made me cry for some reason. But it was a good cry.

  155. 155.

    stinger

    September 25, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    @Dorothy A. Winsor: Aarrgghh! So envious! But happy for you, Dorothy!

  156. 156.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 9:41 pm

    @geg6: It hurts to hear of your pain and distress. I’m struggling with depression, the kind I haven’t felt since AIDS. I wish there was a more robust presence of the women’s movement but it seems like it would be good to include consciousness raising and heart groups to deal with the feelings. It would be a good compliment to the activism. At least I’m not noticing much of that here.

  157. 157.

    Laurabbey

    September 25, 2018 at 9:47 pm

    Thank you for this,,,this has brought up more than I was willing to admit. You are a good man.

  158. 158.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    @geg6: Please don’t fault yourself for paying attention. There is so much at stake; it’s hard for any thinking/feeling/caring person to look away, even without having gone through what you have.

    Who was it that tore up their carpet this weekend only to find a urine soaked carpet pad stuck to stained hardwood floors she hoped would turn out to be a beautiful hardwood floor? That’s the perfect metaphor for what we’re living through with this.

    By Friday, for good or for bad, it sounds like we will find out whether there is any hope for the floor or whether we will be living with the disgusting floor that has been uncovered.

    I’m really proud of the Harvard students and the Harvard Faculty who have been shamed by their association with this man and Tiger Mom and want to start changing things.

  159. 159.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    @WaterGirl: PS hardwood floor person: I have high hopes for your floors after sanding and refinishing. :-)

  160. 160.

    Omnes Omnibus

    September 25, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    @Steve in the ATL: You were a Beta? Like I said, I liked our legacy Betas. I went to a Violent Femmes concert with one in London in ’84. Both in khakis, him in pink shirt gray sweater. Me in white and Navy. The punks trusted our accents and our knowing Milwaukee. Otherwise, we were posh blots on the pavement.

  161. 161.

    Immanentize

    September 25, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    I have lived many if your posts over many years. But this is the best post ever. Your best post possible. It is modeling the way out of a juvenile past — how one should approach their own lives with critical humility. You are one solid dude, Mr. Cole.

  162. 162.

    rikyrah

    September 25, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    Anyone watch Manifest?

  163. 163.

    chopper

    September 25, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    this post is why you are a good
    person, john cole.

    even back in the bush years when it seemed like you were a super douchey republican, we knew you were good people in there somewhere. we knew it.

  164. 164.

    BlueGirlFromWyo

    September 25, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    @rikyrah: I volunteered with a rape crisis hotline after college. Got followed to my training by a man I had given directions, to a subway stop in the opposite direction. After training, I got a call every single shift from a man who got off on claiming he’d had relations with various female relatives. I didn’t last long either. I too believe Dr. Ford.

  165. 165.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    September 25, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    @zhena gogolia: At UCLA the Beta’s had the sheep.

  166. 166.

    rikyrah

    September 25, 2018 at 9:54 pm

    Good post, Cole

  167. 167.

    patrick II

    September 25, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    I have read Trump is using the Rosenstein meeting as a distraction from the Ford/Kavanaugh hearing. I think it may be the other way around. They are taking the opportunity of the Ford/Kavanaugh hearing to dilute coverage of the Rosenstein firing and moved the confirmation hearing up until Friday for one more day of unfocused coverage. Call me wrong on Friday (I hope you have the opportunity).

  168. 168.

    MomSense

    September 25, 2018 at 9:57 pm

    @Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ:

    Tonight I’ve been crying. Last night I was feeling so detached and numb and that’s a bad direction for me to travel. Sending hugs out to all the Jackals who are struggling – and the rest of you too.

    Here’s a musical offering. yours to bear

  169. 169.

    Gelfling 545

    September 25, 2018 at 9:57 pm

    @SenyorDave: They believe he did it. They KNOW he did it. They don’t care.

  170. 170.

    Corner Stone

    September 25, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    @rikyrah: I DVR’d it to maybe watch tonight or sometime soon. I think it’s gonna jump the shark fast but I like the concept.

  171. 171.

    Timurid

    September 25, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    I was a try hard jerk in high school, because I was a nerd, an introvert and in the closet. I did and said a lot of vulgar things to be one of the guys. But I never put my hands on anybody, and I never wanted to. I do have something deep and dark to admit… I am a Georgetown Prep alum (albeit one of its least successful and influential ones). Kavanaugh, Judge and friends were three years ahead of me and more than several ranks above me in the social pecking order, so I can’t offer anything about their character or behavior. They were some of the most popular kids on campus and considered to be “going places.”

    Prep was full of rich, entitled kids, no doubt. Booze and drugs were everywhere, and not just in the hands of the students. A number of the teachers and prefects, both Jesuits and laypeople, were notorious drunks. The faculty were all very good at their jobs, but many of them had serious skeletons in their closets… there was a real “Dirty Dozen’ vibe. I don’t know if this was by design, to get talented staff on the cheap. The most serious crime I knew of by students was a small group bringing in and selling steroids (I found out after they were caught). I was never invited to the kind of parties described in the Kavanaugh stories. My social life mainly consisted of getting drunk and stoned at a series of raging sausage fests…

  172. 172.

    geg6

    September 25, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    I’ll get through it. I have gotten this far and I’ll find my anger again. Right now, I’m feeling defeated. I’m going to call my counselor and make an appointment. It’s been a decade since I last felt the need. She’s still practicing and her office is a mile or so from from both work and home, so I see her and wave now and again. I just need to find my anger again and feel able to fight. She knows this is what I need and a talk with her will do me wonders.

  173. 173.

    silvery

    September 25, 2018 at 10:02 pm

    There’s no closure for victims of trauma, there’s only justice and hoping things get a little bit easier and a little bit more livable over time.

    Thanks for your honesty and introspection John. I agree with your viewpoint on closure. Speaking as a trauma victim and a woman, some f*cking accountability for Kavanaugh and such men would be sure be nice. I’d take that over closure any day of the week.

  174. 174.

    TS (the original)

    September 25, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    @rikyrah:

    I was the sober friend at frat parties.

    I had a sober friend like you – twice she got me home safely. You may not hear from the girls you helped – but they will remember you with much kindness.

  175. 175.

    Miss Bianca

    September 25, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    @geg6: I am so sorry. I am feeling triggered by all this too – and my experiences were nothing like yours – just a little light assault, hey!

    So I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you. : (

    *virtual hugs*

  176. 176.

    chris

    September 25, 2018 at 10:05 pm

    Well said, John Cole, I felt every word.

  177. 177.

    Sandia Blanca

    September 25, 2018 at 10:05 pm

    This nation’s going to need a Truth and Reconciliation process like the one they used in South Africa. And John Cole, you are like a one-man T&R Commission for your own life. As others have stated above, that’s why we love you.

  178. 178.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 10:06 pm

    @Immanentize:

    Beautifully put, Imm. Cosign every word. This. Upvote. Come sit by me.

    I hope the Immp realises what a lucky kid he is to have you as a parent (I expect your Julie had much to do with it too). If he doesn’t now, entirely, he will soon enough.

    This Balloon Juice place. It’s a good place.

  179. 179.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 10:06 pm

    @WaterGirl: Especially if we get to vote on it! Of course there will be jackals who will insist on Cole 11…. sigh.

    Today’s post is a Cole +++. Numbers not necessary.

  180. 180.

    Another Scott

    September 25, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    @PPCLI: And Barack Obama still has around twice as many Twitter followers as Twitler does, also too.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  181. 181.

    seaboogie

    September 25, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Great post, John. I truly appreciate your honesty and accountability. Question: I know that you have been greatly involved with supporting your former fraternity with your current students (Christion era class), so how has your fraternity changed over the years since you were a member, and what is the current culture like?

  182. 182.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    @PPCLI: Yes! Laughter is the best medicine even though the UN would have been very nicely improved with some strong disenfectant… and strong anaesthesia, etc. Am hoping for some good monologues tonight.

  183. 183.

    SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal

    September 25, 2018 at 10:12 pm

    @geg6:

    In the midst of reading/commenting on this thread, I got a phone call from a (female) friend who was having 33-year-old memories of gang rape triggered by the news of the last few days. She has buried it all these decades. Never said a word. I am begging, pleading, imploring her to seek professional counseling/therapy. I can listen sympathetically, but she needs someone trained. Am feeling remarkably helpless right now.

  184. 184.

    daryljfontaine

    September 25, 2018 at 10:14 pm

    @TenguPhule:
    Gonna need an auditorium at the rate things are going.

    D

  185. 185.

    Another Scott

    September 25, 2018 at 10:16 pm

    @patrick II: If RR is actually meeting with Donnie, then his job is secure. Donnie is a coward and can’t fire anyone himself. We know that.

    Otherwise, who knows…

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  186. 186.

    Jeffro

    September 25, 2018 at 10:17 pm

    @Sandia Blanca:

    This nation’s going to need a Truth and Reconciliation process like the one they used in South Africa.

    So true, and it has been suggested here before. I think the best we’re going to get is Dem subpoenas and hearings, with Rs angrily denying everything/claiming “both sides!”, but it will have to be enough. It ALL has to be aired. Everything down to Ben Carson’s stupid ineffective patronage-laden time at HUD (and we’ll know we’re getting close to the end of the Reconciliation when we get that far down the priority list, believe me!)

    But it all starts when we romp their sorry asses in November. Pedal to the metal, peeps!

  187. 187.

    zhena gogolia

    September 25, 2018 at 10:18 pm

    Powerful piece by Padma Lakshmi

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/25/opinion/padma-lakshmi-sexual-assault-rape.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fopinion&action=click&contentCollection=opinion&region=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=sectionfront

    New York Times link.

  188. 188.

    Jeffro

    September 25, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal: SD, ask her to call RAINN – the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network at 1-800-656-473. Someone is there 24/7 and will help her.

  189. 189.

    Jeffro

    September 25, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    @Jeffro: Oh, FFS, mods plz help

  190. 190.

    Dan B

    September 25, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    @WaterGirl: I don’t know why this thought popped into my head regarding you comment about illusions being shattered and being discouraged but I immediately remembered the week (or two) when the mafia took out a contract on us ( Chicago Gay Liberation – all 16 strong 20 year olds). Then the police Vice Squad sent 200 paddy wagons to our dance. It was so fast there wasn’t time to be discouraged. We cried as a group afterwards when we succeeded. This big slow national crisis is harder to process but I try to remember the times I’ve survived.

  191. 191.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    Since a lot of the regulars are expressing that they’re getting insanely stressed out by this whole thing, I’m going to post a link to the national rape and abuse hotline’s website:

    https://www.rainn.org

    They have a phone number you can call. They have live chat if you’re more comfortable with that. They have links to local resources. They help people of all genders who need help. If you’re feeling stressed by this avalanche of bullshit, they want to help you.

  192. 192.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?

    September 25, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    Everything you say about this fucking fuckity fucker is true. And his asshole enablers in Congress. No quarter when we win in November. Hang em all…high. I’m generally opposed to the death penalty, but for this crew I’ll allow it.

  193. 193.

    marv

    September 25, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    Ok – look – I don’t want to overshare, but I was an athlete at a prestigious university back in the day, about ten years before Kavanaugh, and I drank too much, and was hetero, and if the guy really was a virgin after college, let alone high school, I’m not making any value judgments but it’s pretty frigging weird.

  194. 194.

    Rand Careaga

    September 25, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    @zhena gogolia:

    I went to a party there and left after 5 minutes because they had sorority girls dressed as Playboy bunnies greeting people at the door.

    This is a little tangential to the immediate topic, except as it regards life among the privileged. Early in the present decade, through an unlikely and never-to-be-repeated chain of circumstances, my wife and I were among 200 guests at a party in Beverly Hills. Few of you would recognize the family name; all of you would recognize the “brand” that’s the basis of my hosts’ fortune.

    The house was vast and decorated with more restraint than I would have expected. On the other hand, the party was rather less buttoned-down than I’d been prepared for (cameras and cell phones were politely parted from us at the door. Scantily-clad go-go dancers. Scantily-clad go-go dancing dwarves. And on each of the two long buffet tables, a human centerpiece: a young woman clad only in body paint. “Swell party,” said I to one, as I fetched a canapé from near her inner thigh, “but I’d hate to be caught out here when the revolution comes.” “I’m with the revolution,” she replied with pardonable dryness. “I’ll put in a good word for you.”

    I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy the party, but the sybaritic atmosphere was off-putting to this suburban-bred barbarian. If bearded guerrillas in fatigues had crashed the festivities, it would have felt oddly appropriate—and just.

  195. 195.

    Immanentize

    September 25, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    I have represented a bunch of guys charged with sexual assault/rape, and I of course knew about many times that number that were handled by colleagues or friends. A few things I have been thinking about:

    First, in no case I ever knew about did I hear tell or believe the claim that sex (or the sexual act even if not involving penetration) did not happen. In every case, the allegations of what happened might have been slightly exaggerated, but generally the telling was spot on. It’s just too hard to make that crap up.

    Two: I have been wracking my brain and I can only think of one case — ONE! — where I was convinced the complaining witness was lying about the question whether the sex was consensual. It’s a long story, but it was a question about a box dancer having sex with a customer and her boyfriend finding out. It was not my case.

    Three: I tried a number of ID cases — stranger rape cases and I know that victims don’t always get the ID right. In one case, the state’s own forensic evidence proved that my client wasn’t guilty, but the tried it anyway because they had a victim who was absolutely certain that my client was the perp. He wasn’t. But that was in a stranger rape case!

    I never tried a sexual assault case where the victim and the defendant knew eachother on any theory but consent. I once had a case where we presented an “I did it and I’m sorry” defense because the client who was drunk and stoned thought the drunk and stoned girlfriend of his drunk and stoned friend wanted to have sex with him but — she really didn’t.

    So, what does this lead me to? Dr. Blasey Ford was certainly piled upon by two men she knew and she has no reason at all to make up this assault and no one of any stripe is suggesting she did. She knew her assailants so there is no serious ID issue. None. And no one is suggesting she consented (even like, “she said it was OK, then decided it wasn’t so we stopped’).

    There would be plenty to work with if this were a criminal trial and BK were facing life in prison. But it’s not. And by all my knowledge and all my experience, her saying he did it is plenty of proof that he did, especially in light of no real challenge to those facts.

  196. 196.

    Adam L Silverman

    September 25, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    @Jeffro: Not only did I free it, I’ve emailed it directly to her.

  197. 197.

    Aleta

    September 25, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    @marv: Maybe the hearing questions should pin him down about how he defines virgin. Maybe review those questions he wrote for Starr ahead of time. “Would it be a lie if someone said he was a virgin but he …”

  198. 198.

    Immanentize

    September 25, 2018 at 10:38 pm

    @Mnemosyne: RAIIN is a great resource. It also has excellent current stats about sexual assault which I handed out to my students so they wouldn’t be stupid (and hopefully not say stupid things)

  199. 199.

    geg6

    September 25, 2018 at 10:38 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne, Badass Jackal:

    OMG, I’m so sorry this happened to her and that this is dragging it up. She must find someone to talk to. I found mine through work (we have an employee helpline that makes referrals) when my ex and I broke up, which was quite the trauma to me, a trauma that dragged up all my other traumas. She was great with me, totally got who I was and where I was coming from. She mostly just listened, with some gentle guidance sprinkled in. She understood that I am someone who needs to be a little outraged by injustice to be my best. I feel defeat and failure very deeply. It sends me into a tailspin. She can help him talk myself back into my stronger self.

  200. 200.

    hueyplong

    September 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    @geg6: You hang in there. You have an asshole’s vote to cancel out on November 6. Don’t let that guy win like he did last time.

  201. 201.

    geg6

    September 25, 2018 at 10:40 pm

    @geg6:

    Damn, missing edit button! Not “him” in the above last sentence. I meant “me.”

  202. 202.

    jacy

    September 25, 2018 at 10:40 pm

    @Immanentize:

    One of the terrible things (among all the terrible things), is that the Republicans and Kavanaugh-apologists keep talking about “no evidence,” with no acknowledgement that an accusation IS evidence. Sometimes it’s the only evidence you get. And not just for rape or sexual assault, but for other crimes. Doesn’t mean it’s incontrovertible evidence, but it’s fucking evidence, to be looked at and evaluated.

  203. 203.

    Immanentize

    September 25, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    One last comment before I fall asleep — it is a HUGE tactical error to get a sexual assault prosecutor to do the questioning. They only have one questioning style — sarcastic/incredulous. They really should have found a great defense attorney. Good defense attorneys are tremendously kind and careful when questioning victims. Maybe because their clients are often victims of crime one day and perletratots the next. They understand the issues far better than prosecutors who can be very self-righteous (think Marsha Clark). I guess we shall see.

  204. 204.

    Steve in the ATL

    September 25, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    @Rand Careaga: I KNEW I’d met you before the SanFran meetup!

  205. 205.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    @Jeffro:
    @Adam L Silverman:

    Phone number is slightly wrong: 1-800-656-4673

    It might be good for a front-pager to do a post with RAINN’s information. If our regulars are this stressed out, the lurkers are, too.

  206. 206.

    Immanentize

    September 25, 2018 at 10:44 pm

    @jacy: this has been driving me crazy for days. It is not only an accusation — it is friggin testimony about the facts regarding the crime. It is evidence! Eye witness testimony! And many people are serving long sentences on less evidence than that we already know about from Dr. Ford.

  207. 207.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    @Immanentize:

    I heard “Arizona county prosecutor” and wondered if she was the prosecutor for Maricopa County, where Arpaio ordered his sheriffs to not investigate sexual assault cases if the victims were Latinx. ‘Cause that would bite her on the ass in a big way.

  208. 208.

    Aleta

    September 25, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    @Dan B: Thanks for your perspective. @Immanentize: ‘ ‘

  209. 209.

    oldgold

    September 25, 2018 at 10:48 pm

    @Aleta:

    How is that going to happen?

    Grassley announced this evening that each Democratic Senator will be given only 5 minutes for questioning. This is an effing farce. No, it doesn’t even rise to that level.

    The Democratic Senators should refuse to participate.

  210. 210.

    PaulWartenberg

    September 25, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    One of the biggest reasons I never joined a fraternity when I went to the University of Florida is that I did not want to join that kind of environment: the kind of drunken, bullying, sexist and queerfearing, hazing hivemind of crass behavior. Even when there were degree-associated frats available – the Journalism fraternity was a possibility, I can’t recall which one it was at UF – I was terrified I was going to sign up for a culture of abuse either on myself or on others.

    To anyone who grew up in an upper-income community, rich white suburbs, and gone to college dominated by fraternity politics and culture, you’ve seen the likes of Kavanaugh and his ilk. It’s been decades if not centuries in the making. And we’ve seen it so much in film, in music, in the popular mindset. Why are we so surprised when the mask of civility has been torn away to expose the elite for the drunken women-hating bastards that they are?

  211. 211.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    @oldgold:

    The Democratic Senators should refuse to participate.

    I’m used to you spouting bad advice but, holy Christ, this is your worst yet. The Democrats have a former prosecutor/attorney general on their team and you think they shouldn’t even show up? WTF kind of moron are you?

    The other 9 Democrats need to memorize the following phrase: “I cede my time to Senator Harris.”

  212. 212.

    Gretchen

    September 25, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Thank you for this, John. That’s why we love you. You can think about how a person should be, and how you should go to get there. That’s the best of humanity.
    If Kav were capable of writing – I was a jerk as a teen, I drank too much and did some thing I’m ashamed of, and I hope anyone I hurt can forgive me – We wouldn’t be in this position. He’s not capable of doing that – he’s insisting he’s a choir boy, anyone who says he wasn’t in smearing his fine good name, and the women are liars. We know he’s scum, drunk or sober (see the Starr investigation) and he has zero ability to examine himself.

  213. 213.

    Another Scott

    September 25, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    @Immanentize: From Chery’s Twitter feed:

    bmaz @bmaz
    8 minutes ago

    Who in the GOP SJC picked Rachel Mitchell?

    Seriously, this is nuts and geometrically beyond cynical. It is cruel, asinine and insulting affront to the putative victim, Dr. Ford. It’s hard to see this as anything more than the most heinous FU to Dr. Ford imaginable. True sickness

    As you say, I guess we’ll see.

    Strength to Dr. Blasey.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  214. 214.

    khead

    September 25, 2018 at 10:57 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Very nice.

    Also, pretty sure that’s a young Gary Busey in the first pic of the post.

  215. 215.

    Another Scott

    September 25, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    @Another Scott: Cheryl.

    My kingdom for an Edit function!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  216. 216.

    Jeffro

    September 25, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    @Adam L Silverman: Thank you good sir.

  217. 217.

    Gretchen

    September 25, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    I picked up my grandson from preschool today. He told me that the teachers said the kids have to ask permission before touching them (Sometimes his hugs are a little too enthusiastic). I agreed that sometimes people don’t want to be touched and we have to keep that in mind. He solemnly agreed that we need to keep that in mind. He’s 4. I’m thinking the teachers are responding to current news, but if the little boys are learning this from preschool on, we should be ahead of the game when they are older.

  218. 218.

    Sandia Blanca

    September 25, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    @Jeffro: Right you are, Jeffro!

  219. 219.

    jacy

    September 25, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    @Immanentize:

    Yeah, I’d be curious to know how many people in the history of the USA have been executed on just as much evidence. GAAAAAHHHHHH

  220. 220.

    Gretchen

    September 25, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    @Mnemosyne: yes, that’s where she’s from.

  221. 221.

    jacy

    September 25, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    BINGO! You win the big stuffed whatchamacallit. See the bursar for your prize.

  222. 222.

    Gretchen

    September 25, 2018 at 11:04 pm

    @Mnemosyne: that’s what I was thinking! Give all the time to Harris.

  223. 223.

    Jay

    September 25, 2018 at 11:05 pm

    @marv:

    Special K is pleading a technicality,

    Multiple violent gang rapes arn’t sex.

    Sex happens befween two consenting adults.

    John,

    Thank you for your post.

  224. 224.

    Adam L Silverman

    September 25, 2018 at 11:06 pm

    @Jeffro: I actually just turned it into a front page post. I’ll get ahold of John or Alain to pin it for a while.

  225. 225.

    MoxieM

    September 25, 2018 at 11:09 pm

    Thank you John; thank you all. Been really sick the last couple of days, and I have no doubt it’s being brought on by all this stuff (stress & trauma-induced illness, blah blah). Reading you all is a way better feeling.

  226. 226.

    Karen

    September 25, 2018 at 11:10 pm

    If the GOP’s mind is already made up, is the hearing just a way to rub Dr. Ford’s face in her pain?

  227. 227.

    Mnemosyne

    September 25, 2018 at 11:14 pm

    @Karen:

    They’re hoping to be able to publicly discredit her while piously claiming that they gave her a chance to tell her story.

    I think it’s going to blow up in their faces, but that’s their plan.

  228. 228.

    Adam L Silverman

    September 25, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Already done. Was putting it together when you were typing your comment.

  229. 229.

    Tehanu

    September 25, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    I agree with what practically everybody else in this thread said. You’re a good man, John, and this was an act of courage.

  230. 230.

    Jay

    September 25, 2018 at 11:25 pm

    @Karen:

    The ReThugs have and have always had the votes to push Serial Violent Gang Rapist Special K out of Commitee.

    They don’t have the votes in the Senate to confirm him.

    They are “allowing” ( fucking privledged scumbags) Dr. Ford the briefest moment to testify, with as little opportunity to cross, and with a Kapo Female conducting the cross, to:

    pathetically attempt to manage the bad optics for the Fauxified,

    create the illusion that process was followed, to get the ReThugs concerned about process onboard,

    create the illusion that “well, she was heard, it wasn’t compelling”,

    Then have violent serial gang Rapist Special K deny it all and claim innocent virgin status.

  231. 231.

    oldgold

    September 25, 2018 at 11:28 pm

    @Gretchen:

    If Senator Harris was Perry Mason on steroids, 50 minutes would not allow her to come close to properly examining Cavanaugh.

    If you participate, you lend credibility to this cynical affront to the search for truth.

  232. 232.

    Genine Tyson

    September 25, 2018 at 11:36 pm

    Thanks for sharing this, John. It means a lot.

  233. 233.

    frosty

    September 25, 2018 at 11:37 pm

    @Schlemazel: I was the same as you. Hated those smooth assholes.

  234. 234.

    Emma

    September 25, 2018 at 11:42 pm

    @TenguPhule: You need a ten thousand seat amphitheater.

  235. 235.

    Aleta

    September 25, 2018 at 11:45 pm

    @oldgold: I wrote in anger; they’re doing everything they can to shield their boy.

    I don’t know how the Republican sex crimes prosecutor came about. Did Dr. Ford and attnys agree or have no say?

  236. 236.

    WaterGirl

    September 25, 2018 at 11:49 pm

    @geg6: Glad you have someone to talk to. These bastards have a lot to answer for.

  237. 237.

    Aleta

    September 25, 2018 at 11:50 pm

    @Immanentize: Do you mean it’s a tactical error for the Republicans?

  238. 238.

    oldgold

    September 25, 2018 at 11:56 pm

    @Aleta:

    This was strictly a GOP operation.

    I think the severe time constraints are more of an affront to due process than the GOP assigning their questioning to outside counsel.

  239. 239.

    oldgold

    September 26, 2018 at 12:00 am

    @Immanentize:

    It is probably a play for Flake’s vote.

  240. 240.

    Mnemosyne

    September 26, 2018 at 12:00 am

    @oldgold:

    So the Democrats convince Dr. Blasey Ford to testify, drag her all the way across the country to do it, and then abandon her to be grilled by the Republicans’ pet prosecutor on live TV with zero defense or rebuttal?

    Yeah. That’s a great strategy if you want to completely fucking ruin Dr. Blasey Ford’s life along with any claim the Demcorats had of supporting victims of sexual assault. Great strategy, dumbfuck.

  241. 241.

    Jay

    September 26, 2018 at 12:01 am

    @Aleta:

    No say.

  242. 242.

    Mart

    September 26, 2018 at 12:04 am

    Thanks for the post John. This would not be a huge story, except most everyone has personnel experience with this shit. I hung with my fair share of alpha Kav’s and Judge’s. I never went where they went, but I rarely objected when I saw it coming. Once I stopped a woman from a potential “train” rape. She was hammered and did not understand why all the assholes in the room were only wearing towels around their waists. I got a few weeks of Mart is in love with the slut brilliance, and hay-makers to the shoulder. Wish I was stronger, did more to stop the less severe acts of sexual assault.

    With my daughters in college found the same shit goes on, updated with date rape pills. With all the harm this SC shitheal will bring to women, I hope he helps to change the culture, and makes the good voices strong. And places the assaulter(s) in prison.

  243. 243.

    Jay

    September 26, 2018 at 12:06 am

    @oldgold:

    50 minutes with supporting testimony from the victim is more than enough time for many convictions,

    and all Harris has to do is dirty up Special K.

    On Friday 9:30 am, the vote drops.

    On Friday, 10 am, Dr. Ford lays a criminal complaint in Maryland.

    At 11 am and drip, drip, drip Avenetti’s clients lay criminal complaints.

  244. 244.

    WaterGirl

    September 26, 2018 at 12:10 am

    I’m confused. Do we now know, or think we know, who will be doing the questioning at Thursday’s hearing? Or is this speculation based on tidbits of information from here or there?

  245. 245.

    Aleta

    September 26, 2018 at 12:11 am

    Today another Yale classmate, saying something …

    Mark Krasberg @mkrasberg

    I am issuing the following statement:
    First, I would like to commend Debbie Ramirez for being brave
    enough to share her story. I am humbled by the courage she has
    shown.
    Second, I am not a part of some last-minute smear campaign.
    (1/6)

    * 

Brett Kavanaugh was my neighbor freshman year of college. On Sep 17 he issued the following blanket denial regarding the high school claims of Professor Ford: “I have never done anything like what the accuser describes — to her or to anyone”.
    (2/6)

    *
    
This blanket denial set in motion a chain of events, and The New Yorker article was the result.
    Third, I agree with Debbie Ramirez that there should be an FBI investigation, in which everyone involved is interviewed.
    (3/6)


    * 
I would note that some of the people who had signed onto a statement in support of Brett Kavanaugh (and against Debbie Ramirez) have since asked for their names to be removed. (The New Yorker article has been updated to reflect this).
    (4/6)


    

Finally, I would like to thank Jane Mayer and Ronan Farrow of The New Yorker for tracking down multiple corroborating & contemporaneous sources. Now that the article has been published,
    (5/6)




    there may be others who are debating whether or not to come forward. I hope they are encouraged by the strength that Debbie Ramirez has already shown.
    (6/6)

    He’s an Assistant Professor of Neurosurgery at UNM

  246. 246.

    oldgold

    September 26, 2018 at 12:14 am

    @Mnemosyne:

    I am expressing my opinions. If you disagree with me, that is fine. Your the vulgar ad hominem attacks are not productive.

    I would encourage Dr. Ford not to participate and arrange an alternative high profile venue for her to tell her story.

  247. 247.

    Jay

    September 26, 2018 at 12:19 am

    @WaterGirl:

    Rumours so far, a Female Sexual Assault Prosecutor from Arizona will be the substitute Kapo for the Rethugs on the Commitee.

  248. 248.

    Kay (not the front-pager)

    September 26, 2018 at 12:21 am

    @Mary G: Yeah. It took me awhile to respond to you, and you may have moved on by now. While I’ve faced what most women have, I’ve been incredibly fortunate not to have suffered extensive trauma. I’ve read the “Men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them” several times lately, and I couldn’t agree more. I think it was an early understanding of that fact that protected me. So I protected myself by limiting my exposure. Which means I limited my experiences, and lived with low-level fear. Not that that prevented my being betrayed by men I thought I could trust, but it meant I was always able to escape. That and pure dumb luck. And working in a battered women’s shelter made me feel like I had dodged a bullet. I know what women have to go through, deal with just to live.

    But even though I was never actually raped, I had to fight my way out of enough situations. I thought that was OK because I won, right? Maybe not so much. Like so many women, I’m remembering a lot of those fights this week. For me the fear is like nothing, just my normal background. But the betrayal. That’s what I’m snagged on. Why did so many men I should have counted on, been able to trust, have to betray me?

  249. 249.

    oldgold

    September 26, 2018 at 12:24 am

    @Jay:

    No, 50 minutes is not enough time.

    Cavanaugh is sharp and experienced. He will chew up the time with long-winded non- answers. Grassley, who has the gavel, will not police Cavanaugh’s filibustering.

  250. 250.

    Aleta

    September 26, 2018 at 12:24 am

    @Mart: I think every time someone says something or stops someone, it changes the culture a little, and helps more than a few people indirectly or directly.

    These weeks have already changed the course of some lives. Changed the course of some frat parties this year too I hope.

    It’s good that it’s happening at the start of the school year and that college campuses are already protesting.

  251. 251.

    Jay

    September 26, 2018 at 12:35 am

    @oldgold:

    Don’t count on it.

  252. 252.

    oldgold

    September 26, 2018 at 12:37 am

    @Jay:

    Jay, I do agree that 50 minutes of direct examination of Dr. Ford by Senator Harris might be adequate.

    Unfortunately, that too is going to be compromised as a result of the GOP counsel getting the first bite of the apple.

    Trying to do effective direct on the second bite is damn tough.

  253. 253.

    oldgold

    September 26, 2018 at 12:45 am

    @Jay:

    Believe me, I am hoping I am wrong!

    Sometimes things do not go as planned.
    This is a fast moving story and things could change over the next 24 hours.

  254. 254.

    Jay

    September 26, 2018 at 12:54 am

    @oldgold:

    It all hangs on what the Democrats have “in the bag” and how they want to play it.

    We know how the Commitee will vote, Friday a 9:30 am, barring new explosions.

    Then it’s up to the victims and their lawyers, on how they want to play it out,

    And Merrek Garland on the DC Circuit.

    Quite a few US Judges only had their seats pulled after lenghty absences due to Jail.

  255. 255.

    Mnemosyne

    September 26, 2018 at 1:00 am

    @oldgold:

    If you think that telling you that the strategy you’re coming up with would be disastrously counterproductive and actually help the Republicans shove Kavanaugh to a successful vote is an “ad hominem,” you may need a new dictionary.

  256. 256.

    Death Panel Truck

    September 26, 2018 at 2:14 am

    @TenguPhule:

    Dogs can love assholes too.

    Yep. Like Blondi did.

  257. 257.

    Sister Golden Bear

    September 26, 2018 at 2:17 am

    Thank you, Cole.

  258. 258.

    HeartlandLiberal

    September 26, 2018 at 7:44 am

    As usual, John Cole, your commentary should be on the front page of the NYTimes and WashPoo newspapers.

    You speak truth, and cut to the chase every time. If nothing else, this episode has made clear the complete and utterly venal evil of members of the GOP, who literally represent nothing but lust for power, and contempt for women any one who is not a white, privileged male. Why any woman can vote for the GOP I will never understand. Although I have heard of this thing called the Stockholm syndrome, which may help. And then I have studied why women remain with husbands who abuse them, I think the syndrome of fear and powerlessness plays a role, too.

  259. 259.

    TerryC

    September 26, 2018 at 9:11 am

    Cole, thank you. I have other faults but thankfully I have never been that kind of male. I made it through five years in the navy, for example, without drinking or tattoos.

    In the late 1970s at the University of Michigan Law School there was an informal group of those guys who called themselves the TCAs, either for Tomorrow’s Corporate Attorneys or Tight Clique of Assholes, depending. Some of them were the major source of weed in the school, Acapulco Gold, I believe. Because I had some responsibility for the residence hall at that time, I ran across them and up against them often – and heard from their girlfriends and others. I sort of became their nemesis and in one incident went to thr basement and turned the power to their rooms off.

    Sick puppies, whose last attack on the day of graduation was the distribution of a truly disgusting letter, purporting to be from me, with my signature forged, put into the mailboxes of each professor and around the quad.

    Not gonna share story details as we have all been reading too much of that.

  260. 260.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 26, 2018 at 10:35 am

    @Jeffro:

    Many thanks, Jeffo. I’ve passed the info along.

  261. 261.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 26, 2018 at 10:39 am

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Autocorrect kept changing “Jeffro” to “Jeffrey,” and I kept changing it but then never noticed it had changed to “Jeffo.” Sorry!

  262. 262.

    fed up with misogynists

    September 26, 2018 at 10:59 am

    weird how men all seem to convince THEMSELVES that their past gross behavior was wrong. The opinions of women still mean so little to the OP that he won’t even grant us agency in our own objectification.

    Don’t need support from people like you. Would prefer if you never waxed political about how it’s really the Other’s problem and not yours. Please.

  263. 263.

    Waterg

    September 26, 2018 at 12:59 pm

    @fed up with misogynists: This reads like you are talking to Cole. Is that the case, because if so, i don’t get your hostility.

  264. 264.

    Dice

    September 26, 2018 at 4:52 pm

    @Patricia Kayden: Not in Maryland, IIRC.

  265. 265.

    Dice

    September 26, 2018 at 5:08 pm

    @fed up with misogynists: If you’re writing to John Cole, he doesn’t blame any “Other” for his behavior, or excuse it that I could tell. Consider a med check and potential adjustment. Please.

  266. 266.

    Warren Terra

    September 27, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    Thank you for writing this.

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