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Worst couch surfer ever…

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Speaking of flaming assholes, here’s a story via TPM:

The Ecuadorian government has had it up to here with Julian Assange.

The government has laid out strict house rules for Assange to follow or risk losing his diplomatic asylum, according to a Tuesday Guardian report.

They range from the important — don’t post political comments online — to the mundane — clean your bathroom and feed your cat.

“It’s virtually a prison regime,” Assange lawyer Carlos Poveda told the Guardian. “This new regime goes against his basic human dignity as an asylee.”

Poveda reportedly added that Assange could not understand the government’s directives, as they were written in Spanish, and currently does not have access to the internet.

Per the Guardian, the government also stated that come December, Assange will be on his own to pay for food and laundry.

So, that useless rat-faced ratfuck has been fed, clothed and housed by Ecuador for six years and still hasn’t learned Spanish! Throw his ass out, and give his cat to a better person.

Reader Interactions

98Comments

  2. 2.

    SFAW

    Throw his ass out, and give his cat to a better person.

    Seconded, thirded, fourthed, fifthed , …. , millionthed

  3. 3.

    Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ

    Wow, he’s been living there rent free, not having to pay for laundry, etc, etc. And his only real company is a cat that he can’t remember to feed. Jeebus on a Cracker, he’s a lazy entitled jerk. Plus it’s not like Spanish is difficult to learn. Why they haven’t kicked him out I don’t know.

  4. 4.

    Kraux Pas

    “It’s virtually a prison regime,” Assange lawyer Carlos Poveda told the Guardian. “This new regime goes against his basic human dignity as an asylee.”

    So why not turn himself over to British authorities to face prosecution for his crimes? If asylum is so bad and his only other alternative is jail, go to jail and get it over with. At least one day you may see the sun again.

    So, that useless rat-faced ratfuck has been fed, clothed and housed by Ecuador for six years and still hasn’t learned Spanish!

    Score another one for the albino supremacists.

    clean your bathroom and feed your cat.

    How are they even putting up with him? And where are the animal abuse charges?

  5. 5.

    Roger Moore

    So, that useless rat-faced ratfuck has been fed, clothed and housed by Ecuador for six years and still hasn’t learned Spanish!

    He claims he still hasn’t learned Spanish when it’s convenient for him. Honestly, though, I bet even somebody without great knowledge of Spanish could get the gist of those rules with the help of a Spanish/English dictionary. Somebody who actually cared could probably puzzle their way through it just by looking for English cognates to the Spanish words. But he’s never going to make the effort because he thinks he’s special and the rules shouldn’t apply to him.

  9. 9.

    SFAW

    @Roger Moore:

    I expect the embassy has enough English speakers that the WATB has been told, in his own language, more than a couple of times.

    Well, not that Aussies speak real English, of course, but still …

  10. 10.

    oldster

    I feel sorry for him.

    Think of all the work he has done for Putin and Trump, and this is all the thanks he gets?

    Maybe he just does not have access to the bank-account denominated in rubles where Putin pays his salary?

  11. 11.

    The Moar You Know

    They range from the important — don’t post political comments online — to the mundane — clean your bathroom and feed your cat.

    What is he, ten? Jesus. I feel sorry for the people in that embassy that have been putting up with his shit for so long.

    Imagine this: people still think he has something worthwhile to contribute.

  12. 12.

    germy

    I don't think it's weird that my friends support right-wing fanatics. I understand it. They may support someone who poses a direct threat to others, but that’s not why they do it. Sometimes you vote for someone despite their bad qualities. You just got to be friends with bigots.— Glem (@GlemGreenwald) October 12, 2018

    (parody account)

  14. 14.

    The Moar You Know

    Ecuador should move their embassy to another building and leave Assange to move himself.

    @WhatsMyNym: I swear to God I’ve seen this as a sitcom plot line, more than once. The sad thing is that with this situation it makes sense.

  18. 18.

    dmsilev

    Reads like a parent coping with a post-college kid who refuses to even try to look for a job.

  19. 19.

    Mike in NC

    If Trump learns he hasn’t bothered to learn a word of Spanish in six years, Assange might get invited to the Oval (Offal?) Office.

  20. 20.

    acallidryas

    “It’s virtually a prison regime,” Assange lawyer Carlos Poveda told the Guardian. “This new regime goes against his basic human dignity as an asylee.”

    Poveda reportedly added that Assange could not understand the government’s directives, as they were written in Spanish, and currently does not have access to the internet.

    Per the Guardian, the government also stated that come December, Assange will be on his own to pay for food and laundry.

    This sounds like a conversation with a spoiled 17 year old who doesn’t want to do his chores. And I grew up on Florida and couldn’t help but learn some Spanish. If Assange really doesn’t know Spanish by now he’s trying to remain ignorant. (Which is not at all impossible).

  21. 21.

    Kraux Pas

    @Mike in NC:

    If Trump learns he hasn’t bothered to learn a word of Spanish in six years, Assange might get invited to the Oval (Offal?) Office.

    I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten the invite already considering Assange’s role in helping to gaslight the American public, enabling Trump’s “win.”

  23. 23.

    clay

    @Roger Moore:

    I bet even somebody without great knowledge of Spanish could get the gist of those rules with the help of a Spanish/English dictionary.

    No no, see, without internet it’s impossible learn these things. There are no other resources.

  25. 25.

    Aleta

    Ecuador is paying for his food and protection; but he can’t feed and look out for his cat? He has to be told to do this?

    Sounds like he considers them a full service hotel staff. Whose job is to speak English and do laundry for the superior Anglo-Saxon.

  26. 26.

    gene108

    @Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ:

    Why they haven’t kicked him out I don’t know.

    I wonder this a lot, whenever Assange gets in the news. I do not know what Ecuador gains by keeping him or what point they are trying to make.

  28. 28.

    SiubhanDuinne

    “It’s virtually a prison regime,” Assange lawyer Carlos Poveda told the Guardian. “This new regime goes against his basic human dignity as an asylee.”

    OFFS

  32. 32.

    germy

    Per the Guardian, the government also stated that come December, Assange will be on his own to pay for food and laundry.

    Several GoFundMe accounts have already been set up, I’d bet.

  35. 35.

    germy

    I don’t quite understand Trump’s position on Assange. Does he like him? Or not?

    I thought he was a fan after the ratf*cking of HRC. But Assange’s fans seem afraid that Trump will try to punish him.

    Can someone explain?

  37. 37.

    The Moar You Know

    This is what happens when parents tell their kids they’re better than everyone else.

  38. 38.

    clay

    @germy:

    But Assange’s fans seem afraid that Trump will try to punish him.

    Can someone explain?

    Sure. Assange’s fans are paranoid, plus they think of the U.S. (and other Western democracies) as being the only source of evil in the world without acknowledging the differences between individuals and administrations within the U.S.

  39. 39.

    Roger Moore

    @germy:

    I thought he was a fan after the ratf*cking of HRC. But Assange’s fans seem afraid that Trump will try to punish him.

    Assange has spent the better part of a decade trying to convince his fans that he’s the most persecuted person on Earth and any attempt to get him out of the embassy without an unconditional promise not to prosecute him is a death threat. They aren’t going to change their minds any time soon.

  40. 40.

    WaterGirl

    What 4 words would you use to describe Julian Assange? I’ll go first.

    Entitled
    Fucking
    Arrogant
    Prick

    edit: I need a bonus word in order to include Traitor.

  41. 41.

    The Moar You Know

    But Assange’s fans seem afraid that Trump will try to punish him.

    Can someone explain?

    @germy: They’re not afraid of that at all. Trump would let him skate and everyone knows that.

    The British won’t. And they don’t want to talk about that or why.

  43. 43.

    West of the Rockies

    Is crazy ex-actress Pam Anderson still visiting him? She sure has crap taste in men.

  45. 45.

    Bruce K

    Like political capital, good will can be a bit like a bank account. If you keep drawing on it, you’ve got to put some effort into replenishing it, or there’ll come a time when you need it desperately and you’re overdrawn.

    Sounds like Assange hasn’t been making many deposits recently.

  46. 46.

    Martin

    Ecuador should start inviting the Saudi consulate staff over for dinner. At some point Assange will get the hint.

  47. 47.

    Gravenstone

    “This new regime goes against his basic human dignity as an asylee.”

    Front door is over there —>

    Don’t let it hit your ass on the way out!

  48. 48.

    gvg

    @WaterGirl: He is not American, he is Australian. I don’t know that he has done anything against his own country so Traitor wouldn’t apply.

  53. 53.

    Ohio Mom

    Not that I have an ounce of sympathy for him or care in the least but perhaps his low level of functioning (can’t even keep up with caring for his cat) is due to depression. He certainly has enough reasons to loathe himself and his situation.

    I mean, most of us have some small cheering section we can count on during our most morose moments. But it’s amply documented that the actual whole world is disgusted with him. It’s not a feeling or a metaphor that no one likes him, it’s in the daily newspaper.

  56. 56.

    Fair Economist

    @germy:

    I thought he was a fan after the ratf*cking of HRC. But Assange’s fans seem afraid that Trump will try to punish him.

    Can someone explain?

    Assange knows where the bodies are buried, and he’s far too much of a flake to be trusted to stay silent. Hence the criminals would prefer his body get buried there too.

  58. 58.

    germy

    @Jack the Second:

    In 1993, Assange gave technical advice to the Victoria Police Child Exploitation Unit and assisted with prosecutions.[55] In the same year, he was involved in starting one of the first public Internet service providers in Australia, Suburbia Public Access Network

  59. 59.

    germy

    @Dorothy A. Winsor:

    It’s a prison routine to clean your bathroom and feed the cat? Cripes. I’ve been in prison and didn’t know it.

    Once, while I was scooping her litter and refilling her food dish, my cat told me “I’m not locked in here with you, you’re locked in here with me.”

  60. 60.

    hedgehog the occasional commenter

    Fuck that guy. And agree times infinity that that poor cat needs to go to an actual human being.

  61. 61.

    germy

    @Ohio Mom:

    I mean, most of us have some small cheering section we can count on

    From what I see on twitter, his fans are legion. He has loyal supporters worldwide. His mom even has a twitter page set up for him. So I think his self-esteem is intact.

    Now, what percentage of those online fans are bots, I don’t know….

  63. 63.

    germy

    @Roger Moore:

    Yes, but his internet has been cut off, so he can’t bask in their adulation.

    I always thought he’d found some workaround. They cut off his internet, but I suspect he’s still online.

  64. 64.

    Kay

    This is the conservative justices gutting the Voting Rights Act in 2013:

    Nearly 50 years later, things have changed dramatically. Largely because of the Voting Rights Act, “[v]oter turnout and registration rates” in covered jurisdictions “now approach parity. Blatantly discriminatory evasions of federal decrees are rare. And minority
    candidates hold office at unprecedented levels.” The tests and devices that blocked ballot access have
    been forbidden nationwide for over 40 years. Yet the Act has not eased §5’s restrictions or narrowed the scope of §4’s coverage formula
    along the way. Instead those extraordinary and unprecedented featureshave been reauthorized as if nothing has changed, and they
    have grown even stronger.

    They were wrong. Immediately after they wrote this states run by conservatives started enacting blatantly discriminatory state laws.

    They were wrong about Texas and Georgia and North Carolina and South Carolina.

    We should think about why they were so wrong. Can they be this isolated and coddled and function as a court? Why don’t they know anything about the country they live in?

  65. 65.

    hitchhiker

    Time OUT!

    Is it standard practice to house, feed, and provide internet access for free to adult men seeking asylum? Dang, I hope those guys at the US border know this.

  67. 67.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I can’t wait for MI6 to get their hands on Assmunch and have their way with him.

  70. 70.

    MoxieM

    JA is just such a choad… He reminds me of the adult son in (oops memory lapse) somewhere between upstate NY and northern Ohio, I think, whose parents had to go to court to get him evicted from their basement. No really! It was in the papers.

    I should track it down and send it to the Ecuadorian Embassy in London.

  72. 72.

    Villago Delenda Est

    “It’s virtually a prison regime,” Assange lawyer Carlos Poveda told the Guardian. “This new regime goes against his basic human dignity as an asylee.”

    Carlos and his client can both go DIAF.

  73. 73.

    SRW1

    Is ‘Asy Lee’ Senior Assange’s new middle name? And didn’t they forget an ‘s’ in the Asy’?

  75. 75.

    Roger Moore

    @Kay:

    We should think about why they were so wrong.

    They were wrong because that was what it took to get the outcome they wanted. They wanted to gut the VRA, and they were going to find the evidence they needed to do so by hook or by crook.

    More broadly, they used a bad faith argument often dredged up by people trying to overturn regulations they don’t like. They used evidence of how often violations occurred under a regulatory regime and then used their rarity as an argument that the regulatory regime was now obsolete. It’s the moral equivalent of a kid arguing that their improved snacking habits have nothing to do with Mom threatening to ground them if she finds them raiding the cookie jar.

    It’s always a terrible argument, but it was particularly awful in the case of the VRA because of the evidence from preclearance. Section V had a bail out provision that let states (and regions of states) escape preclearance if they managed to go for 10 years without having their rules challenged. That none of the states still under preclearance had managed to do so was evidence they hadn’t mended their ways. Using the kid/cookie jar example above, it’s like Mom deciding the kid doesn’t need his snack habits monitored anymore even though she has to say no to his request for cookies every day.

  76. 76.

    The Moar You Know

    They were wrong. Immediately after they wrote this states run by conservatives started enacting blatantly discriminatory state laws.

    @Kay: Kay, they weren’t wrong. They simply lied. We all knew it was bullshit then and what it would lead to. And here we are.

    Elections have consequences.

  77. 77.

    Doug R

    Like the Ecuadorian embassy in ENGLAND wouldn’t have a SPANISH-ENGLISH dictionary. FFS what an a$$hole.

  78. 78.

    SRW1

    @Doug R:
    Like the Ecuadorian embassy in ENGLAND wouldn’t have a SPANISH-ENGLISH dictionary. FFS what an a$$hole.

    But does the embassy have a Spanish-Australian dictionary?

  79. 79.

    Mr Stagger Lee

    The people behind the TV show Veep and the movie The Death Of Stalin are perfect to do a comedy based on Snr Assange and the Ecuadorians.

  80. 80.

    trollhattan

    @SRW1:
    Wombat: Wombato
    Dingo: Dingola
    Barbie: Barbacoa:
    Beeah: Cerveza

    Damn, I should join the foreign service!

  86. 86.

    boatboy_srq

    So apparently in Assange-speak, “Ecuadoran” is a synonym for “staff” – and Ecuador is rectifying the translation.

  89. 89.

    Captain C

    @Kay: I assume it was intentional, just like every shitty thing they and their fellow ‘thugs and cons do. Of course, they’re probably willfully isolated and ignorant, too, as it helps at the cocktail parties.

  90. 90.

    ...now I try to be amused

    Does the Ecuadorian foreign service treat London as a hardship post? Having the Houseguest from Hell would seem to qualify.

  91. 91.

    MoxieM

    @germy: And, surprise, surprise, guy from Syracuse doesn’t pay his child support either.

    Wow, I really hope Assange has fathered no children. That would be … sad. For the child.

  92. 92.

    Kathleen

    @Mr Stagger Lee: Armando Iannucci joked on Twitter about how he’d like to do a comedy about Trump, with the premise being a fake universe is created for him to govern while someone else runs the country.

  95. 95.

    MazeDancer

    Tamara, You might want to re-up this on Oct 28th or 29th, the last day of voting. Lots of groups rally their crowd to come in strong at the end, when it’s harder for the early voting teams to catch up.

  97. 97.

    Harry Hamid

    You beat me to it. I thought “He still doesn’t know Spanish?” immediately.

    The guy’s a jerk. I was at the Green party Convention in 2016 when he remoted in to lie to us about how he “wasn’t for Trump; he just wanted to warn us about Hillary.”

    Pisses me off that I defended this guy for so long.

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