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You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / I guess that this must be the place…

I guess that this must be the place…

by Betty Cracker|  October 25, 201812:48 pm| 111 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Open Threads

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I’m originally from a manatee-infested backwater on the West Central Florida coast. As a child, almost as soon as I perceived (from TV and books) there were other places, I plotted my escape from that region. I did escape, at least for a while, first to nearby Gainesville, FL for school, then to Boston for a few years, but I came back to Florida, settling in the Tampa Bay area.

My husband has always wanted to live out in the country, and after our kiddo grew up and left home a couple of years ago, he pressed that case. If it were strictly up to me, I’d stay within easy driving distance of an urban core for the convenience of it. But where we live has always been more important to the mister than it is to me, so I’ve let him drive those decisions for the last 25 years. And he really wanted to move.

Still, we argued a bit about it. I said I liked being near cultural opportunities. He (rightly) pointed out that we rarely avail ourselves of them. I expressed a desire to be near good restaurants, pubs and movie theaters. He said we hardly ever go out and tend to wait for movies to come to our streaming service. I said I hate change. He said that’s a recipe for being stuck in a life-long rut. Etc. To sum up, I was persuaded.

My one condition was that a prospective house had to have broadband service — a reasonable request since I work from home and am addicted to several Netflix programs. And indeed, that proviso did stymie the mister for many months. But he finally found a place that is both at the ends of the fucking earth and Wifi’d up. It also happens to be the county where I spent my childhood before my mom divorced my dad and fled to Tampa. The irony!

So, we moved. Now I have to drive 1.5 miles on a treacherous dirt road bordered by a swamp and forested Confederate redoubts (where treason flags and a Trump sign or two are proudly displayed) to get to a hardtop road, then an additional 15 miles to (a small) town for supplies. That kinda sucks. But here is the view from our dock:

It is also the view from everywhere in the house except the back bedrooms — there are floor-to-ceiling windows across the river-facing side of the house and a screened porch where you can sit and watch the egrets and herons fly past and listen to the limpkins scream at each other.

It’s just breathtakingly serene and unspoiled. Every now and then a giant airboat full of tourists drawn from I-75 for a “swamp adventure” comes blasting through, but aside from that, it’s incredibly quiet.

This is a stilt house, and the downstairs is enclosed and has a pool table and dartboard that came with the place. There’s a screened-in patio area where we plan to build a new outdoor bar. The previous owners said the downstairs stays dry unless there are several hurricanes in a row that cause a major flood, as happened in 2004. We’ll see, but there was significant flooding on this river late this summer, and this place stayed dry, so it looks promising.

Our last house was nine feet above sea level in an area that would get a 14 to 24-foot storm surge if directly hit by a major hurricane. This place is 49 feet above sea level, which is a dizzying height in Florida — I’m not even sure I’ll be able to boil water! So I feel like we’ve addressed the climate change risk as best we can without leaving the state altogether.

The new place has tons of potential, as I’ve described, but it is definitely a fixer-upper. The previous occupants apparently chain-smoked a carton of cigarettes a day for many years, so we’re scouring the walls and getting ready to paint everything. We’ll also have to replace the A/C and duct work because it’s coated with nasty nicotine residue. The popcorn ceiling is a horror that must be addressed at some point. Suggestions welcome!

Anyhoo, that’s my news. I’ve been stressed out as hell for the past several weeks as we tried to put this deal together and then prepared to move out of a house we’d lived in for 14 years. I’m a creature of habit, so change is hard for me. The additional anxiety prompted me to take a break from the news so I wouldn’t lose my goddamned mind altogether. For that reason, I’ve been absent from the blog a lot and probably a bitch-kitty when present. Apologies for that!

But the critters are adjusting, and so will I. After all, I’m home.

Open thread!

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Reader Interactions

111Comments

  1. 1.

    Jeffro

    October 25, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    This place is 49 feet above sea level, which is a dizzying height in Florida — I’m not even sure I’ll be able to boil water!

    I LOL’d ;)

    Thanks Betty and best wishes on the new place!

  2. 2.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    October 25, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    To be pedantic, high altitude makes it easier to boil water, not harder. “Boiling” occurs when the (water) vapor pressure is equal to air pressure, and there’s less pressure at higher altitudes, so you need lower temperatures to achieve that state.

    Still, I reckon you must be far more subject to nosebleeds than most in Florida, and probably need to take chewing gum when driving to the low-lying areas to keep your ears from hurting during the drive….

  3. 3.

    efgoldman

    October 25, 2018 at 12:55 pm

    SD arroud?

  4. 4.

    dlwchico

    October 25, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    Is there dry land nearby for the dogs to poop on?

    Badger better not get eaten by a crocodile!

  5. 5.

    schrodingers_cat

    October 25, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    Nice view. I missed you and your acerbic tongue. I moved just before the last election and it took more than a year to feel at home.

  6. 6.

    trollhattan

    October 25, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    Dayumn, you’re making Florida sound incredibly nice. Except for the Confederates. Forty-nine feet? Watch for nosebleeds.

    And congratulations!

  7. 7.

    prufrock

    October 25, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    I’m originally from a manatee-infested backwater on the West Central Florida coast.

    Betty, given the description and my knowledge of the area I’d guess…Homosassa?

  8. 8.

    Doug!

    October 25, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    If you gotta live in the country, doing it with such great views is the way to do it.

  9. 9.

    tobie

    October 25, 2018 at 12:59 pm

    Congratulations, BC! What an oasis of peace. Well worth the hassle of driving. It looks like it will be easy to tune out your neighbors and focus instead on on the birds.
    @efgoldman: Welcome back! We’ve been saying, “Fuck ’em,” on the blog in your honor but it’s not the same as when it comes from you!

  10. 10.

    eclare

    October 25, 2018 at 12:59 pm

    Congratulations! How are the dogs and chickens doing?

  11. 11.

    LibraryGuy

    October 25, 2018 at 12:59 pm

    Congratulations!

  12. 12.

    leeleeFL

    October 25, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    You made me smile without snarky darkness being the cause. In a previous thread, a possible tweet from a Chinese spy strangling a Japanese Diplomat to get access to tRumps phone almost caused me to cease breathing. Only time I’ve laughed about him since forever. Thanks, Betty and all the best in you new digs.

  13. 13.

    Elizabelle

    October 25, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    All the best to you. Chickens adjusting well to the move and the altitude? Are you now closer to gators too?

    @efgoldman: Yea! Lovely to see you!

  14. 14.

    Omnes Omnibus

    October 25, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    @schrodingers_cat: I left you a reply in the Stochastic Terrorism thread.

  15. 15.

    Omnes Omnibus

    October 25, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    @efgoldman: It’s alive!

  16. 16.

    Martha Rapp Ruddell

    October 25, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Scrubbing and painting walls will not remove the years of smoke residue. It will certainly leech through. I recommend professionals for the job. We used ServePro after a house fire and they were excellent.

  17. 17.

    Yutsano

    October 25, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    @efgoldman: Hey ya old codger! Long time no talk!

  18. 18.

    Sab

    October 25, 2018 at 1:09 pm

    I am so relieved to hear about your change in altitude. I grew up east coast Florida 6 feet above sea level. We moved in just before Donna and moved out right after Betsy.

  19. 19.

    Cheryl Rofer

    October 25, 2018 at 1:11 pm

    Sounds lovely! A smoker owned my house before I bought it. Removing the old carpet and drapes made a world of difference, but I did have to scrub the bathroom ceiling. No problem with the heating ducts, though. And no popcorn ceilings.

    @efgoldman: I have been thinking of you. Fuckem.

  20. 20.

    lurker dean

    October 25, 2018 at 1:14 pm

    congratulations! i await funny stories of the neighbors finding out you’re a dirty hippie :D

  21. 21.

    Adria McDowell (formerly LurkerExtraordinaire)

    October 25, 2018 at 1:15 pm

    @prufrock: Given my knowledge of the area and the description, it could literally be anywhere from Homosassa to just south of Sarasota (sans the more urban and suburban areas). ;-)

  22. 22.

    Anonymous At Work

    October 25, 2018 at 1:16 pm

    @dlwchico: Croc, gator, and/or boa. Gotta have some protection or something to help critters stay alive if they are outdoor critters. Spiked battlearmor wouldn’t be out of the question.

  23. 23.

    Juice Box

    October 25, 2018 at 1:16 pm

    Have the popcorn checked for asbestos. As long as it hasn’t been painted, it’s easy to remove. Spray it with hot water and it should peel off easily with a long handled scraper. It’s messy, but fast. The nicotine and smoke residue will come with it.

  24. 24.

    Brendan in NC

    October 25, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    As others have said, Congrats, BC!! My brother and my SIL just sold their house, but haven’t found another one yet. They’re living in an Extended Stay place, with their dog, for at least a month.

  25. 25.

    geg6

    October 25, 2018 at 1:18 pm

    Hope you are happy there!

    Myself, that would be my worst nightmare. You might as well kill me as ask me to live in such a place, far from civilization. Hell, I’m basically the opposite of Mr. Cracker in that I despise living in the suburbs (and would simply give up the relationship rather than live in the country) and I’ve been agitating heavily to sell our house and move in the city. Haven’t convince him yet, but I’m not giving up. I hate it here, even though it is where I was born and raised, and I want to live in what I consider my natural environment. There is nothing about living in Pittsburgh that I wouldn’t love. I lived there once and I can’t wait to live there again. 36 miles away is too far!

  26. 26.

    realbtl

    October 25, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    Sounds lovely Betty and why I’m in MW Montana. .75 mi of dirt (snow? ice?) to paved, 3 mi to town and 20 mi to an airport that will take me anywhere. The timing of those flights is another matter.

  27. 27.

    ruckus

    October 25, 2018 at 1:20 pm

    @efgoldman:
    Welcome Back!

    Betty
    I removed the popcorn ceiling in my last house and you should be ready to have to actually finish the drywall because most places I’ve seen used popcorn rather than finish the ceiling. You may have to tape, fill and sand.

  28. 28.

    karen marie

    October 25, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Congratulations, Ms. Cracker! It sounds like heaven to me. Be well!

    PS I hope we get to see before, progress, and after photos of the house.

  29. 29.

    DocSardonic

    October 25, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Betty, for the popcorn ceiling…..do it now. It is not overly difficult to get rid of but it makes a metric fuckton of mess. By that I mean move everything out of the room type of mess. To remove you need a large pot of boiling water, a 1 gallon garden spryer, large drywall knife and some low scaffolding. Also too hat and eye protection.

    Mix the boiling water 60/40 or so with hose water and spray a section of the ceiling. Get it soaking wet, wait a few minutes and scrape with the drywall knife, down comes popcorn. Forgot to mention, cover floor completely with plastic, unless you are removing it too.

  30. 30.

    efgoldman

    October 25, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Yo?? anybody home

  31. 31.

    oatler.

    October 25, 2018 at 1:25 pm

    Manatees!

  32. 32.

    DocSardonic

    October 25, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    @efgoldman: Mostly lurk here, but it is good so see you back.

  33. 33.

    Emma

    October 25, 2018 at 1:29 pm

    Wonderful view. I am glad you’re home. I myself am a city rat but dream of a tiny retirement home in the Isle of Skye… and seeing I don’t drive it will lose me a fortune on all sorts of public transport/taxi-type services but I.DON’T.CARE.

  34. 34.

    ant

    October 25, 2018 at 1:32 pm

    I’m from Wisconsin, and I don’t like it in Florida:
    Too hot
    Too humid
    Too much rain
    Too many mosquitoes

    The shrimp are good down there though.

    Last year we drove down to Miami for a Caribbean cruze with some friends. We stopped over in Homosassa to visit some of their friends and ate at this place:

    5590 S Boulevard Dr, Homosassa, FL 34448

    Was a memorable place.

  35. 35.

    PaulWartenberg

    October 25, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    Congrats on a safe move.

    It doesn’t sound like Polk County. We’re a bit off from I-75 and there’s a ton of places around here that DON’T HAVE BROADBAND. Libraries are starting to offer Hotspot devices for checking out, and we’re having a hard time getting them back.

    Don’t forget to register for a library card at your new place!!!

    (hope you voted before you moved)

  36. 36.

    PaulWartenberg

    October 25, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    @ant:

    Google maps says it’s the Freezer Tiki Bar.

    Hmm. Were you able to stop at Weeki Wachee to say hello to the mermaids?

  37. 37.

    Jay

    October 25, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    Popcorn or stipple?

    Popcorn’s the paper/plaster mix that looks like bad snow,

    Stipple’s the hard plaster that looks like heavy orange peel.

    Hot water in a mister bottle, or a wallpaper steamer, and an 8″ scraper makes quick work of it. Keep the scraper blade flat so you don’t gouge the drywall or seam compound.

    If the home was built after 1977, there won’t be any asbestos in the ceiling.

    If the ceiling is stipple, it’s easiest to paint over it, especially if it’s been painted in the past. The easiest way to remove it, if you must, is an 8″ orbital sander, 180 grit paper, hooked up to a shop vac with a HEPA filter. The shop vac will suck up 99.9% of the dust.

    You know that this move means you will have to regularly contribute to “On the Road and in your Back Yard” as well?

  38. 38.

    trollhattan

    October 25, 2018 at 1:39 pm

    @DocSardonic:
    Also, maybe have it analyzed for asbestos before going whole-hog with removal.

  39. 39.

    Mnemosyne

    October 25, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    Very nice! It would make me crazy to be that far from civilization, but it would be a great vacation spot.

    I would not normally suggest this, but if you don’t already know how to shoot a rifle or shotgun, I would learn ASAP and practice frequently. I would be more worried about a monster alligator than a bad-intentioned neighbor, but you never know.

    @efgoldman:

    New phone, who dis? ?

    Welcome back, you old crank. We missed you.

  40. 40.

    Aleta

    October 25, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    @efgoldman: hey there !!
    Missed you.

  41. 41.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    October 25, 2018 at 1:47 pm

    @efgoldman: I was gonna say it was good to see you around, but I was afraid you might find it gushingly sentimental

    a swamp and forested Confederate redoubts (where treason flags and a Trump sign or two are proudly displayed)

    and I was gonna ask BC about ‘gators, but I guess those are the less lizard-brained neighbors

  42. 42.

    Barbara

    October 25, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    I didn’t think there was anywhere in Florida that was 49 feet above sea level. Well done. My husband made the same case for us, but at least it’s only a second home and it’s not wifi’ed up yet. Same kind of view, although more houses on the other side. His argument went something like, most of what you like to do is to sit around reading and you can do that anywhere. There was also a promise of a kitchen remodel that went along with the purchase.

  43. 43.

    Olivia

    October 25, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    Congratulations! May all your remodeling go well and quick.
    Anytime I think of rural Florida near water, I think of large prehistoric dangerous animals. I hope they are nowhere near your new home.

  44. 44.

    Betty Cracker

    October 25, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Funny you should mention that because we discussed it in light of our remote location, but I won’t have a gun in the house. Well, except a BB gun. The yard is fenced to keep the gators out and dogs away from the water. I can dispatch a poisonous snake with a hoe if I have to, and if a human tries to fuck with me (highly unlikely), they’ll get a can of wasp spray in the eyes. The whole state is lousy with gun nuts, so I don’t feel particularly more threatened out in the boonies.

  45. 45.

    WhatsMyNym

    October 25, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    Quarter inch drywall right over the old popcorn ceiling. Less work in the long run.

    With a smoker/popcorn ceiling house I would have recommended just ripping out all the drywall anyway and putting in new. Gives you a chance to check/upgrade the electrics and insulation at the same time.

  46. 46.

    tybee

    October 25, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    i seem to recall her home grounds were close to the suwannee river….

  47. 47.

    jimmiraybob

    October 25, 2018 at 1:55 pm

    This place is 49 feet above sea level….

    On the bright side, if you believe in things like science, clocks run slower at higher elevation which means you’ll be younger the next time you go to the beach.

  48. 48.

    Steve in the ATL

    October 25, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    @LongHairedWeirdo:

    Still, I reckon you must be far more subject to nosebleeds than most in Florida

    I believe Miami holds that crown

  49. 49.

    sharl

    October 25, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    My goodness, Betty, what a great view. I hope you guys get many years of enjoyment out of the new place; congratulations! (I assume you already factored in any increase in the threat condition regarding your menagerie, if applicable.)

  50. 50.

    Aleta

    October 25, 2018 at 1:59 pm

    Congratulations Betty. I’m always pining to move off to take ‘the cure’ — sit and watch the light change and the birds and animals come out in the quiet On a bad day I think (maudlin) ‘if these are my last days let me spend them looking at nature.’ My partner is so change averse that he panics at the idea of any disruption.

    Glad you got a spot closer to bird land to help with these times.

  51. 51.

    Mnemosyne

    October 25, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    @Betty Cracker:

    Yeah, like I said, I’d be way more worried about alligators, but those fuckers freak me right out. I would not be able to live cheek-by-jowl with them.

    For some reason, I’m pretty much okay with apex predators who are mammals, like our resident bears and mountain lions, but giant crocodilians dragging me to a watery death (if I’m lucky!) when I stray too close to the water’s edge is the stuff of nightmares for me. ?

  52. 52.

    Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ

    October 25, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    @dlwchico: That was my first thought too! Poor pups need a safe place to do their business. When I lived in FL, used to go fishing on the St. John’s river in a 13ft boat and the gators loved to drool over my 80 lb dog. Can’t imagine how bold they’d be with the puppy. /shudder

    Betty, congrats on your little piece of paradise!

  53. 53.

    Jack the Second

    October 25, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    Most places allow you to do your own asbestos remediation up to 300 sq ft or so.

    If the popcorn doesn’t come down easily, try just smearing an inch of spackle over it. Spackle fixes everything!

  54. 54.

    Luciamia

    October 25, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    Congrats on the move. Funny though_it doesn’t seem you’ve been gone from the blog that long. You must have moving down to a science.

  55. 55.

    C Stars

    October 25, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    That view is gorgeous. STILL WATER. Slowed down my pulse for a moment (which I fear will be elevated until at least Nov. 6 and perhaps beyond). I’m like you; Mr. Stars has started grumbling about selling our overpriced house and retiring in the boonies and I am generally resistant. On the other hand, these days I find myself wondering if it might feel safer and calmer to be further away from humanity than closer in.

    Florida gets a bad rap but I’ve always been fascinated by it (never been). A couple of years ago at a conference I met a nice person who works at a museum that she said was basically out in the boonies in the middle of FL….so maybe close to you? Anyway, it sounds cool: there’s a mile-long boardwalk stroll you can take and a serious archive of Seminole history. If you’re interested. https://www.ahtahthiki.com/

  56. 56.

    schrodingers_cat

    October 25, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I was thinking the same. I would go mad in a couple of weeks in such a remote location.

  57. 57.

    VeniceRiley

    October 25, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    CONRATS ON THE NEW HOME!
    Always exciting, if a pain to move.

    How I usually gage it is “Can I visit my friends/ will my friends visit me?” But I’m not married.
    Sometimes one is all you need.
    “boil water” There’s always a gem that makes me laugh in a Betty post. Welcome back.

  58. 58.

    FelonyGovt

    October 25, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    Best wishes on the new home!

  59. 59.

    MaxUtil

    October 25, 2018 at 2:28 pm

    The trick with painting over stained/smoker’s walls is good primer. Kilz is the go-to brand, but there are others. Works better than doing multiple coats of color paint.

  60. 60.

    CaseyL

    October 25, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    Congrats, BC, on finding your bit of jungle paradise :)

    It does look lovely. When you said you were moving, I worried (yes! I did!) that you’d be giving up the idyllic wilderness of egrets, spoonbills, and other critters. But you found a spot with just as much wildlife, if not more! Regarding which: have the feral boas and pythons made it to the Gulf Coast? I thought they were still mostly in the Everglades… Glad to hear you have a fenced yard!

    I grew up a city girl and never thought I’d want to live anywhere else permanently. But in my twilight years I am just so sick of cities. Seattle is growing at exponential speed; just about everything I loved about the place is gone. What I would like to do at retirement is move to the Peninsula. Whether I’ll be financially able to do so is doubtful.

  61. 61.

    John Revolta

    October 25, 2018 at 2:30 pm

    listen to the limpkins scream at each other.

    I hate noisy neighbors. Well, at least the trees aren’t too close to the house.

  62. 62.

    Aleta

    October 25, 2018 at 2:36 pm

    Those clouds and their reflections are beautiful. Good sunsets ?

    Love this piece of writing too.

  63. 63.

    RedDirtGirl

    October 25, 2018 at 2:45 pm

    Moving is a Big Fucking Deal! Congrats and good luck with the transition.

  64. 64.

    msdc

    October 25, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    Congratulations, Betty!

  65. 65.

    suezboo

    October 25, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    I retired to a country town from the Big City (Cape Town, in my case). I certainly don’t regret it but the thing I miss most is ethnic food. No Mexican, Chinese, Jewish cuisine here. I’d kill for a good bagel.

  66. 66.

    kindness

    October 25, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    Well Betty, you don’t need my advice but that never seems to stop us. I would not put up political signs because who wan’t Confederate/treason folk poisoning your critters in revenge. Why didn’t you move out of state? Lotta nice places out there.

  67. 67.

    Chacal Charles Calthrop

    October 25, 2018 at 3:02 pm

    Congrats! Can I recommend you take up kayaking? All the pleasures of being in the water without getting wet, getting chilled or not being able to see anything. And it looks like you can kayak right from where you live, which means you can store your kayak & equipment right in your garage.

  68. 68.

    sukabi

    October 25, 2018 at 3:03 pm

    Have I lost a decade? I thought you moved a couple of years ago right after your daughter left for college.?

    Re: popcorn ceilings…need to have them checked for asbestos before you start removing them.

  69. 69.

    stinger

    October 25, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    Congratulations, Betty! It looks so peaceful. Hope it’s all you and Mr. Cracker are wanting.

  70. 70.

    sukabi

    October 25, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Also, surrounded by water, in the boonies…can’t imagine there is a city sewer system you’re hooked ip to…pretty sure a regular septic system wouldn’t work…what’s the waste solution?

  71. 71.

    jl

    October 25, 2018 at 3:08 pm

    I thought Tampa was a manatee-infested backwater on the West Central Florida coast. The things a person can learn on this blog!

  72. 72.

    sukabi

    October 25, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    @efgoldman: hi, nice to see you back?

  73. 73.

    dp

    October 25, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    Place looks great, congratulations.

  74. 74.

    Manyakitty

    October 25, 2018 at 3:16 pm

    @efgoldman: Hey, welcome back!!

  75. 75.

    Manyakitty

    October 25, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    Also, your new digs look great, BC! Does Badger like to swim?

  76. 76.

    OzarkHillbilly

    October 25, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    Congrats to you and yours, Betty, it’s a beautiful place. You’ll get used to the drive.

    On the duct work: Those can be cleaned, no need to replace them. I’ve never seen it done so have no idea of what’s involved but there are several companies around here and STL that do it.

    Popcorn, Ugh. For people who can’t tape drywall or don’t want to pay for it.

  77. 77.

    jl

    October 25, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    And congratulations on new place in boondocks. Hope it goes well.

    But, only 1.5 on a treacherous dirt road? That is big city living for my family’s pieces of dirt in Alaska. I don’t think there is anything most people would recognize as a road to it at all.
    And has broadband? Sound like Lady Cracker and her Mr. made a good compromise and deal.
    I guess the Mr. should spring for overnights to big city events in Tampa.

  78. 78.

    OzarkHillbilly

    October 25, 2018 at 3:19 pm

    @Manyakitty: Let’s hope not, he’d make a tasty little gator snack.

  79. 79.

    Betty Cracker

    October 25, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    @Chacal Charles Calthrop: Kayaking is fun, but I prefer a boat with gunwales when there are alligators around. We’ve got our eye on a little jon boat that should do the trick. I’m also partial to pontoon boats, but that might be overkill.

    @sukabi: We’ve been talking about moving for a couple of years. Finally did it. We have a septic tank at the new place, and also a well with a complicated-looking pump system. I dread the implications of both, but the mister is competent with that sort of thing.

    @jl: Tampa is a manatee-infested metropolis!

  80. 80.

    NY Robbin

    October 25, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    Congratulations Betty!

    Great to see you efgoldman. Hope all is well.

  81. 81.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    October 25, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    I looks beautiful, Betty, but moving is always stressful. Enjoy the view.

  82. 82.

    jl

    October 25, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    @Betty Cracker: And 49 feet above sea level. I’ll refer to the place as the Cracker Mountain Top Retreat.

  83. 83.

    Manyakitty

    October 25, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    @OzarkHillbilly: Lolz! I thought about that after I posted.

  84. 84.

    Tazj

    October 25, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    Congratulations on the move! It does look very serene and a good place for bird watching.

    @efgoldman: Nice to see you here again.

  85. 85.

    Citizen_X

    October 25, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    Ah, so you live in a swamp! Just kidding, looks nice. Keep the pups away from the gators!

    @kindness:

    Why didn’t you move out of state?

    Because she’s from Florida. Fuck the confederates.

  86. 86.

    laura

    October 25, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    We just rehabbed our dad’s mobie-home to sell and he was a professional smoker. Just thick, oily nicotine everywhere. We TSP’d then remudded all the walls. Brother the elder replaced every electrical socket -and that’s the tips I have for your place.

  87. 87.

    Mnemosyne

    October 25, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    @kindness:

    Why didn’t you move out of state?

    IIRC, Betty is a second or third generation Floridian. It’s too late for her.

  88. 88.

    Jane2

    October 25, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    What a lovely spot! Get the special paint designed to cover over nicotine – it really works and you’ll never know anyone smoked in there. If the popcorn ceiling is unpainted, it’s easy to remove; if painted, not so much, but go with flat and use the same nicotine-covering paint.

  89. 89.

    laura

    October 25, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    @efgoldman: Howdy efg!!

  90. 90.

    OzarkHillbilly

    October 25, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    @Betty Cracker: Don’t forget to get the solids pumped out of the septic tank every 3 or 4 years. I lost track of the years not too long ago. It was not pleasant.

  91. 91.

    Betty Cracker

    October 25, 2018 at 4:11 pm

    @Mnemosyne: I thought I was 5th generation, but my sister started tracing our paternal line and found out we’re at least 7th generation Floridians. The fucking Confederates should leave; they’re the ones who suck. :)

  92. 92.

    MomSense

    October 25, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    @efgoldman:

    Hey you!!! We have all missed you terribly! Lots of fuck ems in your honor but we’d rather hear it from you.

    Betty, popcorn ceilings suck. When I bought my old farmhouse some genius applied that finish over horsehair plaster between the ceiling beams. My neck aches just thinking about it.

    I had to scrape the ceiling with a metal putty knife and then apply multiple thin layers of mud to smooth out the ceiling.

    I learned to use a large, wet sponge instead of sanding between coats.

    Congrats on the house!

  93. 93.

    cope

    October 25, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    Nice digs, enjoy. If one must live in Florida (or anywhere else for that matter), one should embrace the essence of the place. Water, nature, serenity, dock, stilt house, I think you’ve got it.

    I have always been drawn to mountains and deserts so moving to 32779 from Colorado in 1989 was a big change for me. I always thought we would go back but 29 full years later, it looks like mrs. cope are wedded to the Mildew State. In fact, our current suburban cinderblock house looks to be our “Forever House” now at least until looming infirmities condemn us to some sort of “facility”.

    Anyway, enjoy the new place and be warned that we expect even more and better critter and scenery pic from you now.

  94. 94.

    TomatoQueen

    October 25, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    Lovely view, may you always be 49 feet above the nearest 14 foot gator.

    oooh efg, a bonus prize and a fine fuckem to you sir.

  95. 95.

    J R in WV

    October 25, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    @Martha Rapp Ruddell:

    There is a special paint called Killz which is intended for covering greasy blemishes on walls. My grandma had the safety valve on her pressure cooker pop open one day while she was cooking vegetable soup with tomatoes, we suspect a tomato seed stopped up the pressure release valve leading to the safety valve spewing tomato-beef soup all over the ceiling.

    They painted the whole room with Killz primer, before giving it two coats of the selected color. When she finally sold the farm to move to a small apartment near her son, it was still fine. It really seems to work well.

  96. 96.

    WaterGirl

    October 25, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    @J R in WV: Killz also covers water stains, which is what I have used it for.

  97. 97.

    MazeDancer

    October 25, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    Gorgeous!

    Have such envy.

    May pleasures, delights, contentment, and serenity abound for you, the Mister, and the Critters.

  98. 98.

    debbie

    October 25, 2018 at 6:50 pm

    Betty, congratulations!

    Mr. EFG, hot dog, it’s good to see you!

  99. 99.

    PaulWartenberg

    October 25, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    @Barbara:

    I didn’t think there was anywhere in Florida that was 49 feet above sea level.

    Clermont will disabuse you of that in a right hurry. It’s got the steepest hills this side of the Rocky Mountains.

  100. 100.

    gVOR08

    October 25, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Hey, y’all. We retired a couple years ago and just a couple weeks ago moved from Cincinnati to North Port, sounds like an hour or so down the road from you, once you get out to 75. 15 ft. Four miles to Starbucks feels like a hardship. We were used to four Starbucks w/in a couple miles.

  101. 101.

    JustRuss

    October 25, 2018 at 6:53 pm

    Why all the hate for popcorn ceilings, aside from the smell issue? We had them when I was a kid, I liked having a moonscape on my ceiling. I’m imagining 20 years from now people will be mourning all the vintage popcorn ceilings our generation so wantonly destroyed.

  102. 102.

    Beth in VA

    October 25, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    That view is beautiful, and I, too, am from central west coast Florida. I’ve canoed and sampled water, fish, plants, all sorts of things in water like that (worked at a Marine Lab in the day). I love love love your pics from FLA!

  103. 103.

    RAM

    October 25, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    We moved this past summer after 42 years in the same house–the one I grew up in that we bought from my mom in 1976. Fortunately, the move was just across the street to the house my sister built in 1985, and my son and his wife have moved into our old (literally–my great-grandparents built it in 1908) house. Fortunately, the move was downhill, but it was, frankly, hell. We’re not spring chickens any more and I think I tore something in my right quadricep that hasn’t healed yet, and the move was in July. But we’re on the riverbank here, with great views, and even better memories of mine growing up here, spending summers on the river. Pretty sure I’d do it again. But not positive.

  104. 104.

    Bill Arnold

    October 25, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    I’m jealous of such quiet. Live in the country with farms around but a freight train rumbles by several miles away several times a day, air base/airport nearby with big planes, and half the neighbors are afraid of the dark and have bright lights on outside all night. (Good bandwidth/latency was a requirement for me too.)
    Meanwhile a new work situation (open office) is making me seriously think about these: Panasonic’s human blinkers help people concentrate in open-plan offices and related ideas. (My peripheral vision sees motion >90 degrees left and right of center. Good for spotting birds and other wild animals; bad for open offices with no visual barriers.)

  105. 105.

    HumboldtBlue

    October 25, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    Youse just became gator bait.

    Enjoy, Betty!

  106. 106.

    JWL

    October 25, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    All I can tell you is my move to redwood tree country in the San Francisco north bay has done my head and heart more good than I can begin to explain, as if cosmic forces are in play, which may well be the case. I get the feeling, moreover, you reasonably suspect you’ve made one of the best decisions of your lives together, and I hope that’s the case. Best of luck..

  107. 107.

    rsginsf

    October 25, 2018 at 11:20 pm

    My sister did some research on the popcorn ceilings in our parents’ house before she removed them herself. Asbestos was outlawed sometime in the late 70’s, and the house had been built in 1980. She sent away a little sample & it came back negative. She took it off with a spray bottle of water & a scraper (it just dissolves in water) and it took her forever, but the result was worth it.

  108. 108.

    Olivia

    October 25, 2018 at 11:33 pm

    @JustRuss: I never knew popcorn ceilings were supposed to be hated until I watched HGTV?

  109. 109.

    sambolini

    October 26, 2018 at 7:39 am

    Betty, re: the popcorn ceiling(s).
    The solutions in the order of easy to hard:
    1. Resurfacing smoooth with a thin coat of mud (wall board compound)
    2. Cover with 1/4 (the thinnest available) sheet rock and retape and mud
    3. Scraping and skim coating. May be easy and 90+% of the time is difficult to umpossible
    All popcorn ceilings are candidates for resurfacing so check this for practicality first.
    A. Try to scrape. If the popcorn coat is on good go to B
    B. Test a skim coat. Apply a thin coat of mud to a 1’x1′ area. Leave 2-3 days.
    If it has not peeled you know that the popcorn is on tight and the mud will hold to the popcorn.
    C. Now you can skim coat the entire ceiling(s)
    A sheetrock specialist should be the one who does this.
    Two coats, light sand, and spray primer should be what they quote.

  110. 110.

    Albatrossity

    October 26, 2018 at 8:26 am

    It sounds lovely! Looking forward to audio and video of screaming limpkins!

  111. 111.

    Betty Cracker

    October 26, 2018 at 11:56 pm

    @sambolini: Good advice. Thank you!

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